A/N: Thank you all for reading this story. I forgot to mention this in the last chapter, but this whole Part 4 will be a series of memory snips that will travel through time and may appear jarring. This is intentional as I'm trying to paint how lost Reiner and Willow are getting during this time.
The second part of this chapter will follow the show a bit so I am sorry if it's a bit boring. But it will dive deeper into Reiner and Bertolt's thoughts during this scene.
Hope you all enjoy and let me know what you think!
Chapter 27
Three Years Ago – One Day Before the Female Titan Attacks
Willow shuts her eyes tightly, trying desperately to pretend she does not hear Reiner's grunts and whimpers as he struggles to sleep. She can hear his body thrashing next to her and she turns her body away from his, hoping that he will settle down soon so she can get some sleep before she strikes down her enemies. She needs all the rest she can get, and the last thing she needs right now is Reiner's torn conscious haunting his mind and disturbing her sleep.
She hears shifting and whispering, and she can no longer pretend that she is sleeping. She turns over to see Bertolt holding Reiner in his arms, trying to lull him back to sleep. "It's alright. You're with us. You're a Warrior." Willow watches as Bertolt's calm words quiet down Reiner's whimpers, and he slowly drifts back into his dreams.
Bertolt's apologetic eyes reach Willow's hard glance, and she softens her gaze at the sweet boy. "What did you mean by 'Warrior'? Seemed like that was what calmed him down," Willow asks quietly, so not to disturb Reiner's rest.
Bertolt curls his long legs to his chest, hugging himself tightly as his eyes fixate on the dying ambers of the fire. "Back in Marley, we are called Warriors: Eldians who have been chosen to assume one of the Nine Titans. We are looked on as honorary Marleyans for our dedication to the cause."
Willow lifts herself into a seated position as her golden curls wildly fall down her face. She glances over at Reiner whose line between his brows continues to grow prominent. "He doesn't seem to be handling the honor very well," Willow teases, and Bertolt stiffens at her comment.
Willow sighs, seeing the sweet boy seems to be genuinely worried about his friend. "He's compartmentalizing," she informs him, seeing the confusion in his eyes at Reiner's actions. "Sometimes, when he commits terrible atrocities, rather than living with the guilt, or succumbing to it, he will instead pack it away in his mind and shut it out of his consciousness. He's placing each part of his questionable decisions and personality into tiny boxes in his head, opening them up one at a time when they are needed, so he can cope with the broken man that he has become."
Bertolt buries his lips and nose into his knees, keeping his eyes on Reiner as he watches the boy begin to stir in his sleep. "That's why the word 'Warrior' seemed to calm him," Willow informs him. "You helped him find which box to look into for the time being."
"Do you compartmentalize?" Bertolt asks her, eyes landing on hers.
Willow lifts her own legs, hugging her knees to her chest and balancing her temple on them as she watches Reiner struggle in his sleep. "No," Willow breathes, almost wishing that she could. "I get to remember all the faces of those I have let down every day." She watches as Reiner begins stirring again, "Seems like it is both a blessing and a curse. He has moments of pure happiness and peace, but then his mind reminds him of who he truly is and what he has done, and then he has nights like these."
Reiner begins thrashing and Bertolt crawls over to keep him calm, but the boy wakes up, reaching out to the sky for something that is not there. He lifts himself into a seated position, groaning as his hand reaches to his head to hold the pieces of him together.
His golden eyes shoot open as he watches the two of them with concerned eyes on him. "Sorry," he grunts as a wave of self-consciousness flows through him with their eyes fixated on his.
Willow looks away from the boy and up to the sky at the shining stars. "Sometimes, when I am feeling overwhelmed, or seeking for peace, I look up at the stars and I think of the beauty in this world," she begins, hearing Reiner and Bertolt shift as they join her. "It puts everything into perspective just how small we truly are. How little one of us really contributes to the grand scheme. That might seem like a negative point to some. But sometimes, it just feels so good to know how small you really are and how little your actions truly mean."
"You should get some rest," Reiner pushes in a deep tone, "You have a big day tomorrow."
Willow takes in a deep breath, thinking about finally getting her revenge against the Levi Squad and feeling so underwhelmed with the idea.
Willow shifts in her position, moving her legs down and crossing them. She knows that Reiner will not be able to get a good night's sleep in the condition his mind is in, subsequently leading to her lack of sleep, so she decides to keep his mind occupied with the mission and flesh out the last details.
"You said they placed Eren at the Right Wing spotters with Levi Squad?"
"That's what my copy of the report says," Reiner tells her and Bertolt nods, affirming his says the same.
She furrows her brows together with doubt, knowing Erwin not to put his precious cargo at the front lines. "It just seems off," she begins as she rattles her brain. "Eren is still learning how to manage his Titan form. He is also in their protection—not yet a full-fledged weapon in his eyes. It doesn't make sense to keep your most valuable asset on the front lines."
"He did with you, from what you told us," Reiner retorts.
"Yeah, but I was a weapon like all of Malik Squad. He is still trying to understand Eren's abilities, so why would he place him where he is most likely to come across Titans when his hold on the power is still wavering?"
Reiner shrugs, "Who knows, the Suicidal Maniac has a knack for staying alive."
"What's that?" she asks him with a cock to her head.
"It's what everyone called Eren in the Training Corps," Bertolt informs her.
"He has a way of getting himself almost killed," Reiner continues, "Hell, if it wasn't for Mikasa always saving his ass, he probably would be dead by now. She is a strong Soldier. If she is anywhere near you when you attack Eren, don't underestimate her."
Willow holds back a smile, thinking of all the times she almost got herself killed, and relied on others to save her. "Just seems like he would be located somewhere in the Center Rank—Rear or Inner Center to be exact. That's where Erwin should strategically place his most valuable asset."
Reiner shrugs once more, looking at her with tense golden eyes, "That's where the plan he gave us says."
Willow hums, thinking to herself, "I wouldn't put it past Erwin to keep his team out of the loop; he has done so many times over. For now, we will assume your plan is accurate and I will begin my attack from there," she releases, looking up at the two boys, "Reiner, you are closest to the Right Wing spotters. If at any point you get wind of Eren's true location, I am going to need you to tell me somehow."
"How the hell am I supposed to do that?" Reiner grumbles, "I still need to appear to be one of them."
"I am sure you will figure something out," Willow says, moving her eyes from his to the stars.
Willow hears Reiner and Bertolt shuffling in their spots, wondering if they should approach the subject with her, worried how she will respond. Eventually Bertolt clears his throat and straightens his back to speak up.
Willow's eyes flash over to his kind ones as he begins speaking. "Your plan to take out Levi Squad seems simple, but…" he looks at Reiner for strength, who encourages the brunette to continue with a firm nod, "But would it be possible for you to avoid killing the members of the 104th corps?"
Willow does not respond to this outwardly with her expressions, as she is not too surprised by their request. "You have a fondness for them," she says meekly, with no inflection in her voice.
Reiner quickly speaks up, trying to regain the narrative, "It's just that if you go killing all the members of the 104th and your old squad, there will be no one left but us, and that looks—"
"Relax, Reiner," Willow says with flat eyes. "I am not Zeke; you don't need to hide that you've developed friendships with these people," she says with a sad tone and the two of them look at her with wide shocked eyes. "It is not their fight," she tells them. "I will not kill your friends unless they become an unavoidable casualty. My targets are—and will remain—Levi and Hange Squads."
"Thank you," Reiner says, exhaling a built-up breath.
"You two should probably make your way back to the base. I can handle it from here," Willow says, turning away from them and looking up in the stars as she hugs herself tightly.
Three Years and Four Months Later – The Armored and Colossal are Discovered
Reiner shakes the memory of Willow from his head, wondering why this memory is plaguing his mind right now. He wonders what the hell she was thinking when she resorted to entrapping herself in that crystal prison of hers. He figures she was unable to face Levi after everything that she did to him, but what about him and Bertolt?
He shakes his head, at what she must have been thinking in that moment that Eren came for her nape. She must have known she was going to die, and it took everything in Reiner and Bertolt's power not to change. When he saw her use her hardening capabilities to cocoon herself into a shell, he knew that she accepted defeat in that moment, and they would never get her back without Zeke's help and guidance.
Zeke is going to kill them for losing the Female Titan, and he feels sick at the idea of how they must be attempting to torture her, feeling overweighing guilt for not pushing back on her lack of a plan.
Reiner groans, burying his face in his hands as he tries to hold his mind together. Why would she do this to him? Why would she abandon him to do this on his own? He can't get Eren out of here without their help, and with Bertolt being as passive as he is, Reiner will have to do this on his own; the weight of which begins stacking against his chest.
Hours after the fall of Utgard Castle and the knowledge that Ymir's a Titan… the Titan that killed Marcel, Reiner feels himself shattering into a million pieces.
Reiner watches carefully as his mind scrambles with the realization of the day. Inside the body of Ymir are Marcel's memories, and the Jaw Titan. He knows now that they need to return home, and they can finally do so with the Jaw Titan.
Reiner is a Warrior, and he knows that well. He cannot stand being here anymore, surrounded by these devils. He grabs his head, feeling himself tearing at the seams as he tries to hold himself together in one piece.
"Son of a bitch," he grunts as the pain of his arm stings through his whole body.
"You okay over there, Reiner?" Eren calls out to him.
"Not by a long shot," Reiner breathes, holding his head, "Titan almost gnawed my arm off. Pathetic. And all I could think about was 'this is how I go'." He shakes his head, realizing that he has allowed this absurd charade to go on for far too long.
He believed in that moment as the Titan grabbed him that he was a Soldier, and he was helpless to fight against the Titan. He had forgotten that he was the Armored Titan, that he was superior to that Titan, that he could have easily turned and not practically died right there. What was he doing to himself? The more he stayed here, the more he lost parts of who he truly is.
I am a Warrior.
"What else are you supposed to think in a time like that?" Eren asks him as he helps Armin up the wall. "You're only human."
"Don't you get it?" Reiner asks, turning to him with pressed brows. "This was my second time!" he turns to Armin, "Armin, remember, tell him how the Female Titan almost crushed me like an insect!"
Armin swallows hard, remembering the day vividly, wondering himself how he didn't die in the tight hold that she had on him, but he did not come to the full conclusion until he saw the fear in their eyes when Willow was about to be devoured by Eren.
He remembered looking at the two boys as they watched with wide terrified eyes at the situation that was unfolding before them. Armin was willing to chock it up to being scared in the moment, but everything was undeniable when he saw them lift their hands to their mouths. "Yeah, I guess," Armin releases carefully.
"That's twice I've nearly died now. What are the chances I'll survive a third time?" Reiner presses his fist to his head, feeling his mind break as the boxes begin to topple over inside him. "This is what it really means to be a Soldier. Your spirit breaks and the body follows," he picks up the boxes, opening the one he wants to be in this moment. "No use whining about it now. Least not until we can plug up the wall."
Bertolt places his head down, knowing Reiner is losing his grip on who he truly is and doesn't know what to do.
"That's true," Eren says turning from them, "You two have been driven far enough away from your hometown as it is." Reiner gasps at this, looking at his reflection in a small puddle before him. "This is it, this is where we draw the line."
Bertolt's heart drops as he watches Reiner scramble to locate who he truly is in this moment. Other than occasional outbursts, Reiner has been able to control his switch from Warrior to Soldier in the confines of their barracks, but Bertolt can clearly see that Reiner has no grip of who he truly is in this moment, and that realization terrifies Bertolt. "That's it!" he calls out in false glee, "Truer words have never been spoken!"
He wants to leave, and he wants to return home. He wants to remind Reiner who he is and end this sickening mission. "Home! Let's go! We've been here long enough!" Bertolt kneels down to Reiner's level, looking at the blonde and begging him to locate his true self so they can finally go back home.
"Compared to everything else we have had to go through, the rest is easy!" he tells Reiner, knowing that taking Eren now and heading to Marley in this moment should be easy. The Scouts are tired and worn out, they will not pose a threat, and with Captain Levi gone, it will be simple.
"You're right!" Reiner returns, and Bertolt releases a sigh at his comprehension. "We don't have much further to go before it's done!" Bertolt smiles at his friend, happy that he has found himself in this moment, and hoping that it will remain long enough for him to do what must be done.
Eren joins Mikasa and Armin as they speak with Hange and Hannes. Reiner looks over at Bertolt, knowing what they need to do. There is no tactful way to go about this. He is desperate, and with the wild plans that Willow had, and failed with, he is backed into a corner, figuring the best course of action, is a clear non convoluted plan.
"Trust me," Reiner says looking at Bertolt with strong golden eyes.
He lifts himself to his feet, walking over to Eren calling out to the boy, "Eren, we should talk. You got a minute?"
"Sure, I guess," the brunette boy says turning towards them.
Reiner turns his back to Mikasa and Armin, waiting for them to be out of earshot when he begins. "Five years ago, we compromised Wall Maria and launched an attack on humanity. I'm the Armored Titan, He's the Colossal." Reiner says pointing back at Bertolt in a matter-of-fact tone.
"What are you talking about?" Eren asks with an uneasy tone, unsure of what is being said to him.
Bertolt's face flushes and his heart races wildly. He grabs onto Reiner's good arm, "why are you telling him? Reiner no!" Bertolt begins to panic. The plan was to swipe up the boy and get him out of here before any of the others could notice. Telling him who they are does nothing for them.
Reiner pulls his arm away from Bertolt's hold of him, "We were on a mission," Reiner continues, "Our goal was to ensure mankind's extinction. But now, there is no need for that. Eren, if you want the walls to remain standing; it's simple. Just come with Bertolt and me. Do you understand?"
Eren looks up at the blonde with wide and confused eyes, "Understand? What the hell is there to understand?"
"Listen to me," Reiner snarls at him with gritted teeth, "I need you to do exactly as I say." He presses and Bertolt watches him with worried eyes. "Look, I know this is sudden, but we have to go."
"What? Now? Where would you take me?" Eren challenges him.
"I can't tell you. Not yet." Reiner says thinking of how he would even begin to explain Marley, knowing he doesn't have the time he had with Willow. "Just think of it as our hometown. Okay? So, what's it going to be?" Reiner presses him, "Not a bad deal, right? The chance to avert a major crisis?"
Eren sighs, "I am not so sure." He glances over at Mikasa who is watching him carefully, and he knows that she feels the tension between the three boys.
"You guys, get a move on, we're heading out!" Armin calls out gleefully faking a lighthearted demeanor, trying to mask his dismay that the two have clearly decided to make their move now.
Eren looks up to the sky with closed eyes, hating that everyone was right about them. He remembers the conversation they had about the boys. The evidence against them was not only enough that they relayed the false information of Eren's whereabouts in the Right Wing spotters to the Female Titan, but also Armin's recollection of her attack on Reiner. It was clear that she could have crushed him in her grip, but she did not kill the blonde boy, and instead, changed directions immediately after he sprang from her fist. But more evidence stacked against them as Armin recalled their terror the day Willow fell to Eren, and their hands leading to their mouths.
Eren wanted to fight the accusations that were presented to him, trying desperately to alter the claims against them to someone other than Reiner and Bertolt. He held them fondly in his heart, seeing Reiner as a big brother to him. He could not wrap his mind around the idea that they have been lying to them this whole time. But no matter what he thought, the evidence was stacking up against them.
Eren takes hold of Reiner's shoulder, trying desperately to make what he knows about them untrue. "You're just tired," he says looking up at the blonde. "That's right. Help me out Bertolt," he reasons anxiously. "Your nerves are shot. You don't know what you are saying."
"Uh, yeah," Bertolt breathes, unsure now and in this fashion is how they should proceed. "It's the battle fatigue talking!"
"It's okay, you're okay," Eren says, forcing a lighthearted expression. "If you really were the Armored Titan, what's the endgame here? We wouldn't be having this conversation in the first place. What did you expect me to do? Say yes? Let myself be kidnapped just because you asked politely?"
Reiner watches Eren with his mouth agape, completely shocked at the boy's tone with him. "Right," Reiner exhales, "Not thinking straight, am I?" he says wide eyed and crazed. "Barely know what I am saying here. Must've gone off the deep end," he chuckles at the idea, wondering when he truly lost his grip.
Eren turns from them, wanting to forget the conversation ever happened, "Come on, let's go."
The wind blows wildly, knocking a flag off its post and sending it flying down the wall with a deafening crash. Reiner looks down at his hands as stark realization hits. He has lost everything. And there is no going back. "That's the problem," he sighs, "I've been here too long for my own good. Three years of this madness surrounded by idiots. We were kids! What did we know about anything? Why did there have to be people like this? Why? Why did I let myself devolve into such a half-assed piece of shit?"
Reiner struggles with himself as he boxes up the parts of him that remained a soldier. He closes the box on the weakness that led to Marcel's death. The box that allowed him to act as the older brother to the younger recruits. The box that actually thought he and Krista had a chance.
He closes them all up. Never to be opened again.
"It's too late now! Damned if I know if anything's right anymore," he grunts as he removes the sling from his arm. "Who cares, it is what it is. No choice but to face what I've done," Reiner lifts his arm, allowing the Titan steam to show as he heals himself, "As a warrior! No road left but the one that leads to the end!"
"Reiner!" Bertolt yells at him, "Right now? Here? We are doing this?"
"Yes," Reiner roars, "Right here, right now!" Running towards Eren to grab him as he calls out, "We settle this once and for all!"
Mikasa cries out, pulling out her blades and cutting off Reiner's hand before he can grab for Eren. Reiner grunts in pain as Mikasa turns to Bertolt, slicing at his neck with vicious force.
Bertolt falls to the ground, holding onto his neck desperately trying to stop the bleeding as Mikasa places her foot on his chest, preparing her blade to strike him once more.
"Eren, get out of here!" she calls out to him as she attempts to drive the blade in Bertolt, but Reiner tackles her off of the wall. She quickly recovers and latches her grapples to stop her fall.
Static electricity dances around the two boys as Reiner and Bertolt begin their transformation, lighting up in yellow lightning. Armin runs towards Eren, yelling at him to get away from the two changing Titans. But it is too late, as the blast from their transformation knocks everyone down.
Eren holds on desperately to the edge of the wall as he looks onto the partial body of the Colossal that roars in front of him. From the steam, the Armored's hand reaches out and swipes up Eren. The Colossal reaches out to Ymir, taking her to bring the Jaw Titan back home where he belongs.
The Armored jumps from the wall, skating down the barricade with Eren in tow. Hot tears fall from Eren's eyes as he thinks about Reiner and Bertolt, promising him once that they would return home one day. In that moment, Eren felt warmth in his heart at their determination to return to the home that was taken from them, but now he realizes that it was all a lie. Everything they ever said was a lie.