We came into Halamshiral in the middle of the night. The city was still bustling with life. It was lit with torches, people still sold their wares at their stalls, even children ran up and down the busy streets playing games and teasing passers by. I was struck by the amount of elves walking about. I knew that normally we would be confined to an alienage, but it didn't seem to be the case here. One scrawny elven hand appeared in front of me asking for coin. I obliged. He scarpered off crying out thanks.
"The end of the journey..." I said wistfully.
"We're not at the place yet," Sera groused.
I rolled my eyes, "That's what it means; Halamshiral. It used to belong to the elves." You could tell. The architecture was for more delicate than in human cities. Everything was tall and sleek. The streets seemed to flow into one another like rivers and it was beautifully lit.
Sera seemed wholly uninterested in my history lesson... Fenedhis, I was even starting to sound like Solas.
"Not that it matters now," Sera said. "You look around at all those sunken faces and ask them whether they care what the name of their city is."
"You're right." She looked startled that I'd agree with her. "You're right they wouldn't care. They're starving and homeless in the very place that was meant to be their own. What should a name mean to them? Their journey hasn't ended yet."
"Yea... Exactly. Try not to let it bother you, yea? This happens in every city I've been to. Not that it should, but it does. You just have to do what we can to help them out." She looked uneasy.
I shook myself, "Sorry... Got a bit heavy there."
"No it's fine, I get it yea? They're your people, it's shitty what happens to them. Just now you looked like you were about to go all... smitey."
"Smitey?"
"You know, woe betide anyone who crosses you and all that. Hell hath no fury, smite me oh mighty smiter."
I arched my brow and snorted at her analogy. She was right though, I did feel very smitey. Like that old part of myself was becoming clearer. Was this what I was meant to do? I couldn't exactly see me fronting an elven revolution but perhaps Ambassador Briala and I would have at least one thing to talk about.
We came past a main square, prettily lit up with little lanterns draped between the buildings. In the middle was a large tree, candles sat at its roots and small ribbons wound their way up its trunk. I tried to remember what The Keeper had called these trees. They were of special significance to the city elves.
"They used to pray at ours back in Denerim. Wasn't half as nice as this one. Pretty sure people pissed up it too," she chuckled.
I arched my brow.
"They aren't like you lot," she said. "Times are tough and tradition get shoved to one side. I know it's not right, but don't judge them for it."
"I'm not." I said, my voice like stone, "I'm angry for them."
I noticed in the distance a black storm cloud creep up and around the tall spires of the Winter Palace. I shook myself and heard Mythal's voice telling me to calm down.
"Your anger helps no one but yourself. Hate begets hate. It's how our world drove itself to destruction." It was as if her voice was floating on the breeze.
Sera shivered next to me, "Maker, you feel that chill?"
We came to our lodging just outside the Palace itself. It was a tall and wide building with so many windows along the front I lost count. The path up to it was lined with intricately trimmed bushes in all sorts of different shapes. I even saw one or two lions. It was brightly lit, like the rest of the city and a small group of footmen were waiting at the front door to help us settle in.
"It belongs to the Empress' family. Whilst they stay at the Palace, we are allowed to rest here," Leliana explained.
"I implore you all not take advantage of the Empress' generous hospitality," Josephine said as she rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Bull! Please get your men out of the cellar."
The large manor was chaotic with all of our people rushing about it. They were carrying in supplies; crates of wine, food, clothes. Some of the soldiers even began bringing in half of the armoury before being quickly shooed out by Josephine. Cassandra whispered to them where to put it all. Bull was organising the chargers, settling squabbles over who had the biggest room and who was sharing. Cullen spoke quietly to Leliana, both of them looking very serious. Evelyn was running around after everyone making sure they were settled and comfortable. Varric was jotting in his notebook in the corner and Dorian struggled with his crates of belongings up the stairs. He said something smart about my not helping but I only winked. I sat at the top of the staircase watching it all go on and I smiled because something about it felt very normal. Familial. Like watching the clan rush about to be ready before Arlathvhen. I rest my head against the banister and watched the chaos go by.
"Have you found your room Nevalla?" Evelyn called down to me from the third floor.
"I'm going now." I stood and hauled up my crate of belongings up another flight of stairs. By the time I reached the top, I had to set it down with a huff. Second floor, right at the landing and fourth door on the left. That's what Josephine had said. I looked up and groaned at the thought of having to haul this bloody thing up another flight of steps, but as I knelt down to pick it up another pair of hands got there before me. He said nothing, only nodded awkwardly. I stood to meet his gaze but I found it almost impossible.
"Thank you." I muttered. It was all I could muster at that moment, embarrassment was reddening my cheeks and threatened to make my voice crack if I said anymore. He only nodded once more. I walked on ahead up the flight of stairs and he followed. I took a right at the landing and walked the four doors down on the left. I stopped and turned to thank him. He gently set the crate on the floor. I watched as his eyes as they found a spot on the wall to focus on before he finally took a deep breath and spoke.
"I wanted to apologise for what happened last night. It was not my intention and I do not wish to make you uncomfortable." To the untrained ear his words would sound level and and calm.
I couldn't meet his gaze. "It's fine... What happens in the fade stays in the fade, right?" I tried to laugh but it fell flat. He straightened his posture once more.
"I want you to know that... what happened is perfectly normal. You and I both share a strong connection to the fade, our dreams may sometimes overlap and influence the other."
It sounded like a lie.
"Dreams of that... variety can mean anything. Admiration, vulnerability or it could simply mean nothing at all."
"Nothing?" I scoffed.
He shifted, "More often than not, sex has nothing to do with it. It's merely a vehicle our mind uses to process our thoughts."
"Right," I said, haphazardly picking up my crate a kicking open my door, "Nothing it is then!"
"Lethalan, I came to apologise. I respect you too much as a colleague and a friend."
I dropped, or rather through the crate onto the floor. It's contents spilled open and he watched on it shock.
"That's fine, Solas! You said what you have to say, so let's just leave it at that. You made your point quite clear. Goodnight." I made to shut the door in his face but he stopped it. Confusion sat heavy on his brow.
"Nevalla, I-"
"I said goodnight!" I barked, louder than I should have but I managed to shut the door. I sat in the silence of my chambers, the moonlight was spilling in through the large window on the left. The bed sat in the centre, its pale blue sheets neatly pressed and enticing. I looked at the spilled crate on the floor and sighed. I was too tired and now too drained to deal with it in that moment. So, I kicked off my foot wraps and let my coat fall to the floor. I hassled with the ties on my breeches and pulled off the jerkin. From the pile of clothes that emptied from the crate, I lifted out a night shirt and pulled it on. It was light and airy in the Orlesian heat. My view was quite pretty, it looked out over the gardens and on out to the rest of the city. Everything seemed to be coated in blue. Blue lights, blue moon. It was endlessly peaceful. I could have slept quite easily if not for the fire raging inside my head. A friend and a colleague, he had said. I scoffed to myself and tried to swallow the lump in my throat. Who would have thought such kind words would cut like the sharpest knife?
A quiet knock came at my door just as I was about to crawl into bed. I expected it was Leliana or Evelyn to have one final run through of the plan. But I pulled open the door and low and behold, Solas still stood there. I tried to hide my surprise and act cold but there was an intensity in his eyes that I'd never seen before.
He hesitated before he asked, "May I come in?"
I paused, longer than I intended to but eventually stepped away from the door. He nodded in thanks and stepped inside. When I clicked the door shut he took to pacing. Minutes passed before he finally stopped and looked to me.
"What do you want, Nevalla?"
The question threw me. It was unlike him to seem this unsure. Before I could open my mouth to answer he began his pacing again. There was an argument raging behind those cool blue eyes of his, but with one more lap of my room he seemed to make up his mind. He shook his head and turned for the door but I reached out my hand and caught his arm. He stopped dead. His whole form relaxing as he shut his eyes.
"It would be kinder in the long run," he whispered. I could barely breathe. He brought his eyes to meet mine and he looked defeated. "But losing you would-"
Before he finished he crashed his lips into mine. I gasped at the shock but slowly let my arms drape around his neck. He deepened the kiss, wrapping his arms around me so that there was nothing between us. He pulled away for a breath, licked his lips and pressing his forehead against mine whispered, "Ar lath ma vhenan..."
It startled me. I had not expected it but it sent a rush of nerves up my spine and back out through my fingers. I felt as though my heart might burst and all I could do was foolishly nod and kiss him again. He returned it tenfold, trailing kisses down my neck as we stumbled back into the door. I let out a breathy laugh and he smiled. A precious smile that was so boyish and unrestrained I almost fell apart.
"Vhenan," I whispered. He held my face then, running his thumb across my cheek bones, down over my lips and neck. He kissed me once more on the lips and i thought I might melt into the floor right then and there. My head was spinning. It couldn't comprehend the fact that this was Solas kissing me, that it was Solas calling me vhenan. I kissed him back harder, my heart so full that it really might burst.
I pulled back, breathless, "You've no idea how long I've waited for this." I kissed him again.
"I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. I needed to... You change everything, Nevalla."
"So you've said before," I smiled.
He looked at me, his eyes going distant for a moment before he smiled sadly and kissed my forehead. "I am yours," he whispered.
I felt a lump form in my throat so I pulled him close to me so my head rested on his chest.
"Stay with me tonight," I murmured.
He kissed the top of my head, "Ma nuvenin, vhenan."
Nothing happened. We simply lay in my bed and talked for hours about pointless things. The world wasn't ending and nothing was wrong, it was just him and I and his smile and his kisses. He fell asleep before me, my head resting on his shoulder. He breathed deeply and steadily and as the pale grey sky made morning known, I fell asleep. I never wanted it to end.