Episode 5: Relaxing (Part 2)

TW: Attempted Suicide

Amanda felt a huge shiver down her spine, she had so many thoughts running through her head. Her show-self was right in front of her, and she didn't know what to do. But she only wanted to know one thing.

Amanda: "How are you here?"

Show amanda could only laugh. She took another sip of her tea, then stood up from her chair and walked toward her other half.

Show Amanda: "Well that's a dumb question but given the fact that you don't know the whole story, I guess I can tell you."

Amanda was both scared and curious, and curiosity always killed the cat. But that's just a risk she'd have to take.

Show Amanda: "When I first met you, I wasn't there in person. The only time you saw me and what I looked like was when you subconsciously closed your eyes. I projected an image in the show so that you could see me. Anyway, I told you that I can only hear and see what you do in the world. But what I didn't tell you was that I can materialize in the real world."

Amanda just stood there soaking in the information. How is this possible? Why is this possible? She never mentioned this. Then, as she looked show amanda in the eyes, she could see this dark but unknown glint in her eyes. That's when she realized. And that realization hit her like a ton of bricks.

Amanda: "You lied to me."

Show Amanda: "Took you long enough."

Amanda: "Why would you lie to me?"

Show Amanda: "Ya'know if I told you, the show wouldn't be entertaining anymore. And I would really dislike that."

Amanda: "So was it all just for your sick amusement!?"

Show Amanda: "No."

Amanda: "Then what was all this for!? Lying to a 9-year-old isn't right. I considered you as a friend!"

Show Amanda: "That's your problem not mine."

Amanda couldn't believe what she was hearing. She lied to her, and she doesn't even see the problem with it. Her other half then took another sip of her tea.

Show Amanda: "This is some good tea by the way, you should get some more."

Amanda could only look at her with hatred in her eyes.

Amanda: "You are sick."

Show Amanda: "I get that a lot sometimes. Listen, if it makes you feel any better, we were both 9 years old at the time, but the only difference is that I was smarter than you and you were naïve."

Amanda: "If you were smart, then you should've known that lying to me was wrong."

Show Amanda: "That's true, I'll give you that. But didn't you think it was a little suspicious that a person was in your head. You've known me ever since you were 9 years old, but you didn't try to get rid of me. So, ask yourself who's really at fault here."

Amanda: "You don't get to blame me."

Show Amanda: "Face it, you're to fucked up in the head to want to get rid of me. You like having me in your head don't you."

NO

Show Amanda: "If I left, you would be begging me to come back."

NO

Show Amanda: "You're not lonely, oh no, you're just fucked up. Before me, you had a wonderful life, I wonder what caused you to be like this. It wasn't me; it was you."

Amanda: "NO! You think I want to be this way?! Do you think I need you? Because if you do, guess what, I don't. I have friends that play a part in who I am today. I'm not screwed up, you are. Your lies will not deceive me. So, get real."

Show amanda could only stare at her.

Show Amanda: "Fine. Whatever helps you sleep at night."

And with that, show amanda walked past her other half and walked out of the door. Amanda could only sigh in frustration. What if she was right? That thought only made her bitterly laugh. What if her friends didn't play a part in who she is. What if she was really fucked up. She began to sob.

(Time Skip)

She sat on her bed, with her hand holding a knife to her wrist. So much began to escalate in a matter of weeks. Seconds even. She thought she could end it right her right now. As she brought the knife closer to her wrist, she began to slit her wrist. But then her phone rang. She looked over to see that her friend Valentine was calling her. She could only look between the knife and her phone, deciding which one she should pick. She just let the tears roll down her face.

What was she doing?

Her friends wouldn't want to go to her funeral, and see her eyes closed and her lifeless body. That would be selfish of her. And she couldn't bare that. So, she dropped the knife and picked up the phone.

(On the phone)

Valentine: Hey Amanda-. Wait, are you crying? What happened?

Amanda: I've been having a truly fucked half of the day. Could you come over, please?

Valentine: Oh my god, yeah, I can come over. I'm on the way now.

Amanda: Thanks.

Valentine: No need to say thank you. You know I will always be there for you.

(Call ended)

(Time Skip)

Once valentine got to her house and amanda opened the door, her mouth could only soften into a sad smile. She then pulled amanda into a bone crushing hug. When she pulled away, she wiped amanda's tears away.

Valentine: "You can call me or marcus wherever whenever. We will always be there for you."

Amanda: "Thanks for telling me that. I really needed to hear that."

Valentine: "It seems like you don't want to talk about it so we don't have to, but we can watch a movie."

Amanda: "Okay."

And with that, they went to go watch a movie in amanda's living room. She didn't tell her about her attempt because she didn't want to friend to be more worried than she already was. So, for now they were going to hang out without a care in the world.

Hey, wassup

If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, just know that you are NOT ALONE. If you know a friend or family member that is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please DO NOT let them fight this battle alone. YOU ARE LOVED. AND DON'T LET ANYBODY TELL YOU OTHERWISE. If you are a part of the LGBTQ community, just know that YOU ARE ALSO LOVED. If you are having suicidal thoughts, please call your local suicide hotline.

And for the people that are a part of the LGBTQ community and are having trouble with suicidal thoughts just know that the Trevor project is there to help. They offer 24/7 crisis support. You can call text or chat at any time. Just go to:

Thank you