"You really aren't letting me go?" I heard myself ask the question before I could tell where I was. The world came into view like a blot of ink. We were in the garden, my mother and I. She was clipping the dead heads off the flowers as I followed her.

"It's not me, it's your grandmother," she sighed, snipping another crinkled rose and putting it into a small satin pouch.

"You know that's not true," I said, "I'm older now mother, I'm a grown woman, I am responsible, I understand the risks and besides we'll all be wearing masks! Who could possibly recognise me?"

"You are hardly responsible," she chuckled as she examined a rather bedraggled looking bush.

"My point is, I need to be learning the way of these things. How am I expected to be a good leader if I'm not even permitted to attend a ball or two?" I slouched down on the seat beside my mother. It was like iron cast, but lighter, more delicate and yet just as steady. It mirrored the entwining rose bushes around it.

"You know we cannot risk putting you in this danger while the war rages on. This is purely for your grandmother's people, but who knows how many spies could be lurking."

"Mother please-"

"I said no, Nevalla. Let that be the end of it." Her voice was firm and cold and I was hurt by her unusual tone. It was then the first splats of rain hit the ground.

She looked to the greying sky and sighed and then looked at me wearily.

"There's no use in turning on the water works with me, Valla."

I straightened my back and tried to look proud, they sky turned back to overcast. "I'm not, but I hope you know that I am very put out by this."

I saw her smirk as she trimmed the bush, "Oh I'm sure it'll just ruin my day. Run along Valla, you have your studies to attend to and Abelas is not known for his patience."

I sighed heavily and dragged myself from the chair. I had been wanting to attend this ball for ages. It was the first one Mythal had thrown in a while, the first one since I was old enough to attend anyway. I had even made a dress, and my mask was exquisite. There was something so romantic about a masked ball. The anonymity it granted, it was something I craved my whole life, to be normal and left alone and to not have the weight of the world on my shoulders.

"Nevalla, this is important you must pay attention," Abelas said.

"It's politics."

He arched his brow and closed the book, the spirits acting out the scene vanished into their little orbs of light.

"A rather important subject to be familiar with for a future leader," he replied.

I slouched down further into the long chair I lounged on and sighed.

"Don't you ever wish you could change your fate?"

"That is often how we secure it," He said, setting the book aside and sitting at a nearby table.

"But if you could start over, in a life vastly different from the one you were in, would you do it?" I asked, sitting up to hear his answer.

"I am happy as I am, Valla. You are not?"

I thought about his question. Yes, for all intents and purposes, I was happy. I wanted for nothing, I had the finest clothes, food and books. I lived in luxury and answered only to my mother and grandmother. It would seem Utopian if not for the ever present threat of kidnapping, assassination or worse. The constant confinement and lack of privacy were one thing but I was always assured they wouldn't be forever. But then came the real problem. Leading. If I was even accepted, and that was a big if, then I had to do all in my power to make sure the world didn't start another endless war. I had to be fair to all sides, loved, respected and feared in equal measure. It felt impossible.

"I am happy. I just feel as though sometimes this life was meant for someone else."

Abelas leaned forward in his chair and offered me the kindest smile he could probably muster, "You're life is exactly what it's meant to be. You are exactly who you're meant to be. In time you will learn that yourself."

I thought that I'd never feel that way. I could never picture myself feeling ready for such a task. He must have seen that I was pensive for he he stood up and smiled.

"That will do for your studies today, I will see you tomorrow, Valla." He left my chambers with one last look back as he went out the door. I waited a moment longer as I heard his footsteps disappear down the long corridor and when there was silence, I sprang to life. It was sun down and the ball had most likely started and all, I was late but perhaps it would allow me to blend in more to the crowds. I ran to my wardrobe and pulled out my dress. It was dark blue with little amber crystals running through it. I thought it was very pretty. Looking back on it, it was a bit much. I put on the outline of my mask as I sat in front of my mirror and with a click of my fingers it ignited into a cold flame. It was the kind of colour that burns at the end of a candle, matching the flecks of amber on my dress perfectly. I was very pleased with my ensemble and skipped out of my room.

Further down the corridor however, I had to be more discreet. Guards roamed up and down closer to our chambers and would surely send me right back to my room if I was discovered. The closer I got to the ballroom, the louder the music became. I was getting closer, but the guards were becoming harder to avoid.

Finally I came to the last bend in the corridors before the grand door. Two guards stood on either side like statues and another patrolled at the far end down to my right. I tried to form a plan in my head. Sneaking past was out of the question and really the only other option was to walk past and find another way in. Spirits of mischief buzzed around my ear like irritating little flies and I swatted them away.

It was then I heard someone clear their throat behind me. I startled and stood up straight, ready for the reprimand I knew I'd face tomorrow. I turned slowly but was surprised to see the tall figure standing behind me. I did not recognise it. He was cloaked in what appeared to be wolf skin. His mask an ethereal black snout that bore six red eyes. It distorted any of his true features but there was no doubt in my mind who this was. My conscious mind screamed but my past mind was simply in awe. I straightened my posture and made sure my mask was on straight.

"You are either a terrible spy or an uninvited guest." He said, the mask distorted his voice into a rippling dark sound that resembled thunder.

I held up my chin and smirked boldly. I was a woman, I was future leader of the people. I would not let myself turn to jelly over Fen'harel.

"Perhaps I'm both."

Under his mask I could almost see him smile. He offered me his arm and my heart almost jumped from my chest but I took it as coolly as I could manage. We walked through the doors without a hitch, I clung to his elbow that bit tighter as his name was announced. Mythal would surely murder me if she saw. As the crowd went back to their idle chatter and dancing he leaned in close to my ear.

"Find me later," he said and with that he disappeared into the sea of swishing dresses. I was left breathless on the spot. There was a danger to his offer, for that's what it was, an offer, a proposition. I smirked giddily and fell back to the side of the hall, watching as Fen'harel swanned around the room. The way people followed him, it was like he was magnetic. I felt a spirit of desire at my side, she whispered what he would do to me as her delicate finger stroked my arm. I bit my lip and shooed her away.

The night was intoxicating. The aromas of sweet cakes and wine and sex that permeated the air were like a drug. I spoke dangerously to people I'd never met, I danced with them, I let their hands wander. I listened as they spoke of politics and war and slaves. I even let one kiss me behind a pillar. It was incredible. I was mysterious, playful, uncaring all the things I'd wanted to be for so long. For a while I stood back from the crowd and watched as all the colours of the room washed back and forward in my vision like a fantastic tide. I felt the heaviness of the drink roll in my head and smiled as I caught the eye of the man I'd been waiting for. He stood on the opposite side of the hall, behind the sea of people like an unlit lighthouse against a sunset. I felt a lazy smile tug at my lips and took a step to meet him for a dance, or perhaps more, but I was stopped abruptly by the bruising grasp of a hand on my upper arm.

"Have you any idea of the danger you have put yourself in?" Abelas hissed in my ear. I felt myself stiffen and all previous thoughts secret rendez-vous and dancing were dragged away as I was dragged out of the hall. I didn't say anything. I knew if I did it would come out all tumbling and drunk, and by the look in his eye, there was no point in testing Abelas' patience further. His grip on me loosened as we came to a quieter part of the keep, further away from the hall and closer to my chambers.

"This was foolish, Nevalla, even for you," came another biting remark.

I guffawed and shook off his grip, facing him down with a stern look, "I am not some child who needs a nurse maid, Abelas. And you will mind your tongue when speaking to me. Remember who your serve." My words came out clearer than I thought.

"I know exactly whom I serve," he said, readjusting his grip on my arm. "And she is not a petulant child." It was tighter this time. Enough that I felt the beginnings of a bruise.

"You're hurting me," I hissed, trying to shrug him off. He did not let go of me. Panic surged up my spine, an inane fear took hold of me and all I could think about was being trapped and June's terrible guards holding me down as he scarred my face. Before I could stop myself I shot out my arm and knocked Abelas tumbling six feet away from me. He came to a halt with a huff and a hand came up to feel his stomach. The fear for myself gave way to fear that I had hurt him and I ran to his side, tossing aside my stupid mask as I did.

"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry!" I muttered as I helped him to sit up straight. He looked a little dazed, his eyes lolling back before they tried to focus. I slapped his face lightly to bring him round still muttering my apologies. Finally, his eyes focused on me and he stood promptly, patting down his clothes as he did. His face was sore to look at. It was unlike him to seem so blatantly irritated. He was usually so calm, it was something I liked about him.

"Forgive me... I... I overreacted," I muttered.

"No, your highness. I should remember my place," he frowned.

"Abelas."

"I am a Sentinel, bound in service to your grandmother. I am not yours," he snapped at me.

I scoffed, "I know I'm sorry. But I never asked you to come and get me and I definitely don't need you to escort me back to my chambers," I said and his frown almost faltered. "Mind you, treating me with a little respect and decency isn't too much to ask for is it?"

His look softened and fondness crept in around the edge of his mouth.

"Perhaps try acting like the responsible adult you claim to be and I will, but until then, go back to your chambers my lady before you are found missing."

We exchanged a small smile before we left each other but as I turned to leave I was stopped in my tracks by a pair of steely yellow eyes. She was right in front of me, her long white hair intricately plaiting across her shoulders, dressed in all her purple and gold finery but she looked sad... and disappointed.

"This isn't part of the memory, is it?" I asked uneasily, as the scene filtered away into nothing. We were left standing in the green grey distorted world of the fade. Mythal's decadent hallways were barely recognisable behind the rotted memory. She shook her head sadly and sighed.

"I need you to ready yourself, Nevalla. The memories will come quicker now. The binding on the spell is coming undone."

"I've noticed," I said.

"You must understand that I did it for your own good. The connection you had to the beyond was strong, you couldn't bare to be a part from it." It was as grave as I'd ever seen her. She seemed apologetic. Was she responsible for my amnesia? Why? Why would she do such a thing to her own granddaughter.

"It would have driven you mad." She answered my thoughts without my even asking.

"What? Mythal, what would have driven me mad?"

She shook her head, "It's too soon to tell. The pieces will fall into place for you eventually, my dear, but for now I cannot risk you losing yourself." Her figure seemed to fall away into the background but my temper flared.

"No!" I bellowed, and as I did the fade around me brightened and colours seeped in around the edges. Mythal's form was now real enough to hold onto and so I gripped her wrist, willing her not to leave me with so many more unanswered questions. She simply looked at my hand on her wrist and smiled tiredly.

"You see," she whispered, relinquishing her wrist and gesturing around her. "You mould this place as easily as you would a lump of clay. You have power in you that you have forgotten. Too much power. When the Fall happened, it was as though you lost a part of yourself. Half of what you were was lost, doomed to wither on this side of the veil. But... I saved it. I kept it for you, I still do but you are not ready for it. You're power must adapt to this world before you can get it back. In keeping that part of you safe, it stripped you of your memories, your age... everything that made you elvhen. It turned you into a quickling. It broke your mother's heart." She turned away from me, her voice breaking as she did.

"Mythal..." I tried to reach out to her but she turned back to face me before I could.

"You and your mother went to sleep, you know of Uthenera. When you awoke it was as though you were a child again. I watched when I could, I tried to look after you both. The night you were attacked..."

She cut herself off and I grabbed her hands. We were both shaking.

"I am glad The People found you. I am glad they raised you as one of their own. They did an excellent job." She stroked a strand of hair behind my ear and smiled at me tearfully. "This is all I can tell you at this time, dhalen."

"I know, I know. Just one more thing, grandmother, before you go, I have to know."

She looked unsure but conceded.

"How can I adapt my power?"

She let out a throaty chuckle, "Everything with you is instinctual, you've never been one to have a method. Think. How did you send that ink pot into this place? How did you bring it back? How did you bring this dead memory back to life?" She gestured around and true enough the memory was in motion. Abelas' footsteps sounded at the end of the hall and the distant sound of music floated in my ears. Silvery light glittered down from the high windows and the deep night sky blanketed over it all. I looked around me and basked in the feeling of reality that this simple memory had.

"Something to think about when you grow bored at your party tomorrow," she smirked.

"If I'm anything like I used to be, I won't be bored for a second," I chuckled.

"No, I suppose you did always find some way to amuse yourself, with or without my approval."

I laughed, "Nothing's changed there, then."

She merely raised one delicate eyebrow and without smiling said, "If you're referring to your current relationship with Solas, I have nothing more to say. I have warned you, Nevalla. It is a mistake. One you will regret."

"The Creators love a trier, grandma."

She laughed softly and shook her head but there was something regretful in her smile.

"I have said my piece. Be careful at your party and Nevalla?" her voice seemed to be getting thinner and the world was getting dark as I drifted back to consciousness. "Watch them all."