TW: Mentions of suicide

Episode 12: The thing that sets her back

(Show Amanda's POV)

Amanda always said that I was the cause of her problems, accusing me of things. She could drown herself in as many friends, alcohol, and good memories as she wants, but it won't change a single thing. You want to know why?

It's because she's hopeless

She's always been that way for as long as I can remember. That peptalk I gave her was only to appease her. My entertainment is worth more than her life, and I can't have it all crashing down. At least not yet anyway. She's always had a good childhood. Good friends, amazingly loving parents, and a brain filled with childlike wonder. It would almost make you wonder how she ended up this this.

When she hit the lucky number of 9, that's when things started to unravel. She wanted to be a better part of herself, not a struggling 9-year old who hasn't even hit puberty. She struggled with herself for years up until the age she is now. Body issues or trying to fit in wasn't the problem, it was finding someone who really understood her without question. She knew that everybody had to die someday, including her friends. Her friends understood her, but not completely. They knew when she was lying, knew when she was excited, they even knew when something was wrong even with just a look in her eyes. Same thing with her parents.

Unfortunately, that wasn't enough. She wanted someone that would never die, always listen, and always understand. A therapist would come close to that, minus the death part. But she always saw them as a waste of time, money, and energy. They would probably prescribe her medicine, keeping her mind docile and numb. Or probably assign 'homework'. Eventually they will get tired and consider her helpless. They always will. So, with the thought of losing the sliver of semi-understanding people she knew; she fell into despair.

Didn't say anything, didn't want to be a pest. But you know what they say, bottling up your emotions can only work for so long. So, in the meantime, I fell through the surface. When she met me, she was mesmerized. She had finally found what she was looking for. A person who would never die and who understands her. Perfect, just perfect.

But all that fell apart when I started showing her that everything doesn't last for long. Especially the good things. Like I mentioned before, she claims that I'm ruining her life. Once she saw that I wasn't ignorant like her, she started seeing me as this mentally deformed abomination that was going to wreak havoc on her mind, body, and soul. Stupid. I formed from her despair and desperation. But she never knew that, of course she didn't.

Now that I think about it, her ways are like sex. With her friends that is.

She fucks thousands of rounds out of them to feel that glorious climax that only lasts for a little while. When she comes down from her high, she scrambles to find even a miniscule bit of pleasure before it dissipates. Then she repeats the cycle.

Now do you see what kind of person she is?

She's nothing but a selfish individual. An emotional one at that. You see what I'm getting at here? She never told anyone the truth. Not even you. The whole thing is one-sided, but I thought I'd tell you my side of the story.

Like I said…

Everything bad comes to an end. And the other way around.

But I must admit, she does have good support. But there's one thing she got wrong. Her friends are not what makes her the person she is today. Her friends are compassionate selfless people and blaming them for the reason she's nothing but a despair filled person, doesn't really put them in a good light.

Well, would you look at that.

There are just a multitude of reasons why Amanda is a terrible person, but something tells me that I haven't even scratched the surface.

But until then, I guess we'll just have to sit and wait.

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. This chapter is short just like Chapter 5 episode 4. But this chapter has a few more words to it. I've been thinking about how this was gonna go, and thankfully is turned out just how I wanted it. Also, when I switch over to ao3 I will be changing show Amanda's name because it's just not sitting right. So, wish me the best of luck with that.

Toodles!