A/N: So I deleted the last few chapters because they were following a very different story line. Go me for changing the plot completely. But, I did find something new and I know it will work out. Sorry I've slowed down, my life is cray with people and work. But road trip in a few weeks so I will build up a buffer again. And I plan on keeping said buffer.

As always please comment, leave a question or even a thought about the story!

Chapter 37: Retelling the Tale

Tooru:

June 20th:

I open my eyes.

I have a headache. A really bad one at that.

What happened to me?

Last thing I remember is Mako being brought in. What did I do to him?

Looking around I see that I am in my room. My room that I barely see anymore because of everything going on.

How did I get here?

Who brought me home?

Which leads me to wonder just how long have I been out?

I take in a deep breath. I have to go and talk to Lord Sixth now, which I know is going to be hard for me. There is a chance I will be punished for not remembering information that Mako told me about the group. I am ashamed of myself. I forgot information when I shouldn't have. I need to make this right, I need to tell Kakashi.

What chance do I have?

I mean it's not like I have a chance to be able to fix anything. I don't think that they will let me back in there right now. I get up and fix my bed, the bed that I rarely ever sleep in. I make sure that my room is in order and ready for me to come back and read later. I walk to the kitchen, maybe to eat something. No one is home. I make some rice.

This reminds me of… no nothing in that dream will happen. I do not panic.

I never felt those emotions. Nothing from that dream was real. What that was, what the dream was to keep me in a trance state, I never experienced those things. Not falling in love, not the panic attacks, not even the kisses that Shikamaru and I shared. None of it was real. Everything in that world was fake, like when we were all placed under and saw our perfect world, or a different reality of our world. Nothing in there was real.

What I did experience was punishment. I know that I was in the small cell. I was in a there and realized that I am the villages dog. They command and I do.

I don't disobey.

But, did Kakashi order me to be Shikamaru and Kiba's friend?

Did I get the order to be all of their friends?

No.

That all has to be from the dream. Anything that had to do with me going against the big three had to be in the dream. That's all. Making friends goes against the big three.

I pull out my rice and try to eat it. But I am so lost in thought that I am having a hard time focusing on the food.

Did it all have to be a dream?

I rub my eye.

Yes, I am nothing to the village. I am only here to protect. I am nothing more in the village and I am nothing less. I have my role and I have, my orders.

The rules.

I set my bowl down and run into my room. Part of the dream. They read my rules. They knew what I had to follow. And I hope that it isn't something they actually did. I look for my rules. I see them and take one out at a time.

Everyday Habits

Habits for a balanced living. I glance at it and see that nothing has been messed with. I know that everything is in order. This is where I have to eat 3 times a day and train for two hours by myself. Keep the house clean. I put the scroll away.

Mission Habits

How I should act on a mission. Doesn't matter is I am alone or not. I have to share information with the Hokage and anyone they want to pair me with. Which is rare. But I still must follow them.

Identity Habits

Keep hidden. No one should know. All questions asked about me are blocked from me saying anything.

Big Three

I breath a sigh of relief. No they didn't. I take another look through the one marked Big Three. The Three that Lord Third told me to never break. The three that would result in a large punishment if I were to break any of them. I know that I never wanted to find out what would happen. The three that sealed my faith in being the way I am now. The whole reason that Lord Third wanted to hide me away. He wanted someone completely at his mercy. Someone who could never say no or argue with him. Lord Third made me write down all the rules at one point as punishment.

I open it.

Rule number 1: Never remember where the key is

Key? What key. Guess I am following that on really well.

Rule number 2: NEVER talk back to the Hokage. The Hokage is there for a reason. One should always stand at attention and never challenge the word of the Hokage. The Hokage knows all. If challenged you will be challenging the foundation that the village runs on, which could be seen as betrayal of the village.

I watch the other talk back It has caused nothing but trouble for them. Which they haven't been punished for. But they don't have to follow this rule. Which caused a lot of successful missions. The Hokage is the Hokage for a reason. They know what they are talking about.

Rule Number 3: Do not make friends. As a ninja it is important that you focus on you work, having friends will be a distraction and would not be able to have a successful mission. Nothing should come above this mission, friendship are unimportant.

As I open it further I see new marks. Questions on the bottom. They are about rule number three. The rule about having no friends.

Kakashi ordered the rule to be broken. Do I… No. I cannot question the Hokage.

So Kakashi forced me to break the rule. But that puts two rules against each other. I can't challenge the rules that Kakashi sets for me, but it is asking me to break one of the larges rules.

What key?

I don't remember anything about a key. They key to my file? No, that is the Hokage.

What key!

I close the scroll.

They didn't mess with the rules, but I did. I wrote in the scrolls that I promised myself I would never write in.

What is going on with me. I put the scroll back and walk into the kitchen. I stop. I need to clean it.

Quickly I clean up the rice and put it away for later. I don't have time for this.

I need to go talk with Kakashi. I need to figure out all of this. There is too much conflict between rules. Which is cause me to not focus. And I need to focus on everything, I can't miss anything.

Once I finish I go to the door and put on my shoes.

There is too much for me to think about. And I am not focusing on the group. Which is something I should be doing. Not worrying about the change of rules. Not the great amount of conflict that is going on in my head. This needs to be sorted out.

I turn the corner. I need to make sure that everything is on track for the group.

No.

The rules.

Why did he make conflicting orders? One goes against one of the largest rules for me but there is no way I can argue it.

I stop in my tracks.

I can't question him on it.

That goes against rule 2. I cannot challenge the Hokage. I must listen.

But this is causing me not to be able to focus. I don't know what is going on with me. I need to get this fixed. But I can't go against what the Hokage has asked of me. But I need to ask him.

But I have to listen.

I don't know what to do.

I see the building.

I need to update Kakashi about what I remember about Mako. I don't even know. I should remember. I mean, if there is a chance that there is anything I remember, only I can't. Which could mean another punishment. Something that I need.

I keep failing at everything I am doing. I should just stop while I am ahead.

I walk up to Kakashi's office.

I see Naruto leaving the office.

"Tooru, what's going on?" Naruto asks when he sees me.

"Hello," I respond.

I don't know how to reply to him. I never know how to talk with him.

"Are you going to see Kakashi?" Naruto questions.

I nod, "Yes, I need to ask him about a few things."

"Well," I begin walking away, "I'll let you go then?"

I don't respond to Naruto. I know I need to talk with Lord Sixth.

Talking with Naruto doesn't need to happen. Once he is declared the Hokage, I will stay hidden from him. As I am always going to be in the shadows. I need to make sure I can protect the village.

I approach the door and knock.

"Come in," Lord Sixth says.

I come in and I don't say anything. I wait for Lord Sixth to speak to me.

Lord Sixth doesn't talk to me.

Which means I need to think. Think about my actions. I forgot information. That is something that I should never do. I want to prove myself, I need to make sure that I can keep everything straight, and I haven't been able to do that. I passed out.

Now I don't remember anything, and that is punishable.

I know my punishment could be really bad. I could be put back in the small cell or I could be tied down to a chair. Asked questions. The possibilities are endless. There is no way for me to know.

But I messed up.

I need to be punished for what I have done.

But I don't want to be punished. I feel worthless and there is nothing that I can do. I want to hide away.

Lord Sixth looks around his office. I wait for the moment where I am told. The sooner the better. I already know what is going on.

"Tooru," Lord Sixth begins, "Look at me."

I look directly at Lord Sixth. I should be ready.

I can feel my eye stinging. I want to rub them but I can't. I cannot move from the position I am in. I have to keep my face even.

Why am I being like this? I need to figure out things about the group.

I can't be a disappointment to the village. I need to prove my worth. I cannot be acting like this in front of the Hokage. I need to be strong and show them that I am in this position for a reason.

I feel my eyes getting blurry.

"Tooru, did you see anything while you were out?" Lord Sixth asks.

I nod.

"Tell me," Lord Sixth commands.

I don't want to tell him. I don't want Lord Sixth to know though. I don't want to relive those moments. They meant nothing to me, I don't want anyone else to know about it.

But Lord Sixth asked me to tell him something, I have to tell him everything. He commanded me to tell him, even though I don't want to I have to.

I tell him. I tell him about the last spying mission. I tell him about the feeling I developed for Shikamaru, and how I wanted to stay with all of them. I tell Kakashi about the panic attack I had and how Shikamaru was always there. I tell him of the seal being broken. I tell him how I found out it was a trick. I tell him how I felt like I was alive.

Through it all though, my eyes sting. But I cannot stop talking. I was asked to speak and now I am speaking.

It takes me 30 minutes to tell him everything. I don't move but my eyes hurt and I feel water on my face.

Is this what tears really are?

"Tooru," Lord Sixth begins.

I can barely see Lord Sixth anymore. I don't know what to even do. I can't see, and I can't stop myself. I keep seeing the blurry lines. I don't know if I should be punished or not. I was told a good ninja doesn't show emotions like this. I know that.

Why can't I stop myself?

"Tooru, you need to focus on what I tell you." Lord Sixth pauses, "I want you to bring me all your rules, including the largest three once we talk about the group. I want to read all of the rules. This is an order."

I stand still.

I was told to never show the rules to anyone. Lord Third asked me.

But Lord Sixth just ordered it.

The key.

I am not supposed to know about the key. I don't even know anything about it. At some point I did, but right now I don't.

I have to listen to the Hokage.

There is a knock.

"Come in," Lord Sixth says.

"Is now a good time Kakashi?" I know that voice.

It's Shikamaru. The one person that I didn't want to see.

Shikamaru:

I could hear her telling Kakashi the story from the other side. Man, that is pretty messed up, there are a few things that feel familiar, I brush it aside. But she didn't leave anything out.

She even told Kakashi about a kiss she and I shared in the dream? That is a major thing, especially for her to feel that.

I walk in and stand next to her. I glance over and see her eyes are red.

She was crying while she was talking.

The dreams made her feel something. Something she never thought she would feel. I narrow my eyes at Kakashi. He looks over to me but doesn't give away he saw me.

"Now, Shikamaru has been given a special task. As you know I am very busy, so Shikamaru is going to help me with something," Kakashi states.

Tooru doesn't say anything. She only stands there.

"He is going to look into a mystery ninja for me. So I want you guys to brainstorm about who is in the village that could betray us. Shikamaru and Kiba will be working on this. If it is connected to the group I want three strong ninja working together." Kakashi explains.

"We are here," Tooru shifts her eyes to me, "To work on this we need full communication with you."

"As always," Kakashi brings our attention to him again, "Tooru do you best."