A/N: Alright, new update. I mean... not really new but I thought a nice long chapter would be nice for everyone. I changed somethings. Old reader: I changed the story line as you can tell from the chapter number! Please at least read from chapter 30 if you don't want to be fully lost, but the main changes begin at chapter 5. I'm so sorry about this, but the story line feels way better to write and work with. Meaning there are going to be changes. Sorry about that. But I'll let people ready the story.

Please leave a comment, a question and a thought! I want to hear from you guys.

Chapter 38: The Needs

Tooru:

"Yes Lord Kakashi," I answer.

I need to get myself together. I know there is no need for e to be crying. But telling Lord Sixth about the dreams was really intense. Much more than I expected. Everything I experienced in the dream was more real than I thought. And I guess those emotions stayed with me after I woke up, which they shouldn't have.

Once Shikamaru came in I should have stopped. But, it took me a few seconds.

I need to think of precautions for the village. I need to protect the village.

I have to prove that I can be a good ninja. That I can be the perfect ninja.

Why are Shikamaru and Kiba looking into something? And why does it involve me? Nothing should involve me. I need to stay in the shadows. And Lord Sixth knows that I have other things to do than let these two play catch up.

Lord Sixth waves his hands, "Give it a few hours, Tooru needs to bring me something very important, also Tooru," I look at Lord Sixth, "Do this correctly and nothing will happen."

I nod. The rules. All of them. So Lord Sixth can read them.

If I bring them without anything happening I can avoid the punishment. A punishment about forgetting the information Mako told me about the group. I long for that moment. Bring the rules, including the big three.

The key though. I don't know what it means. I have no idea what it could possibly mean either. But I know Lord Sixth gave me an order. Though I cannot argue with him, I don't know.

My feelings are conflicted. Should I be excited? Nerves? What is this other one? Maybe I can ask someone about it. No, I can never ask. I don't question people since I need to be the perfect ninja. And about 89.9% of the time I am. But I need to be higher up to truly call myself the perfect ninja.

I glance over to Shikamaru. I see him working through things already, but I don't know what those things are. He is working on something that could connect to me.

Great.

Babysitting two ninja is what I need right now. My percentage dropped once I started talking with them. I need to refocus and not care. Lord Sixth hasn't told e to hang out with them again so I haven't.

I begin to turn to leave when a cough stops me. I stop in my spot. I know that was Lord Sixth.

"I forgot to mention one little thing Tooru, I want Shikamaru to help you bring those things," Lord Sixth says, "You are dismissed."

No.

I don't think anyone else but myself and the Hokage can touch the scrolls. I don't know what will happen if Shikamaru touches them. No one has ever bothered. I was told to keep them a secret, the only reason Lord Sixth knows about them is because he is the Hokage, I have to tell him everything about myself.

Which included the scrolls.

"Unless you have a problem with that Tooru…" Lord Sixth begins.

No.

I can't go against an order. I need to listen to Lord Sixth. I must listen. I have no choice in the matter.

But Lord Third made it very clear, it's even written down.

I cannot go against orders though. I have to listen to Lord Sixth. Nothing will change that. Orders are orders.

Do I oppose?

I should. I need to. I don't know how the scrolls could affect Shikamaru, hell, I don't even know if Lord Sixth can handle the scrolls. This is all new to me. I need to speak out against Shikamaru helping me.

I can't. Rule number 2: Don't question the Hokage.

If it was limited to just Lord Third I could question Lord Sixth, but it states the Hokage, since Lord Third knew he wouldn't be around forever. Lord Third knew I would be a secret passed down from Hokage to Hokage. No question about it. Lord Third hated dealing with these kinds of things, he hated people who didn't listen.

I was going to be his perfect ninja.

Shikamaru even being around me breaks rules. But I am also breaking everyday rules by being around Shikamaru and being cold to him. Anyone who comes over I need to offer food too.

I broke another rule.

No, I've broken multiple.

Shikamaru knows nothing about me. I can't tell him anything, the block in my mind is still there. I know it. I refuse to work with others. I need to show I can do things on my own. I cannot show people who I truly am.

I also cried in front of Lord sixth. I am not supposed to do that.

I need to oppose this.

I can't.

"Tooru… okay?" I hear someone say.

I can't hear them. I haven't been following my rules. Is what Temari said in the dream true? She saw me being punished. No one should ever see me being punished. And someone saw me.

Another rule broken.

Is there glass shattering?

I cover my ears.

How many rules have I broken?

Too many.

I need to be punished. No. I can't punish myself. Only the Hokage may punish me. And I am sure Lord Sixth will once I tell him the problem. I have to follow. I am a dog. I am a shadow.

I stand up and walk out of the room. I need to…

I don't even know what I need to do.

"Tooru!" I turn around.

Shikamaru is catching up to me. He didn't run or anything. I wait for him.

Do I tell him?

I shake my head, no.

That has to be the dumbest idea I have ever had. No way should I tell Shikamaru why I stopped. It was only for a second anyway. Besides, orders are orders. Something we get every day. I cannot go against them.

Unless you don't follow the rules.

"Yes Shikamaru?" I ask.

Shikamaru pauses in front of me, I see he is narrowing his eyes at me.

"What happened? Are you okay?" Shikamaru questions.

"I'm fine Shikamaru. Just… processing I guess," I answer.

Processing what? What could I possibly be processing.

I need to follow orders.

That's it.

But what happens when I have to go against orders to follow new ones.

I look away from Shikamaru. I shouldn't be feeling like this. I need to focus on what I need to be doing. Getting the rules. The rules that I should be following. I need to look at one of them. Make sure nothing will happen if Shikamaru touches one.

I could test it.

No, Lord Sixth said all the rules.

"Processing? Does this have to do with something what you and Kakashi were talking about?" Shikamaru pushes.

I turn away and begin walking again. I have something I need to do. I don't have time to waste to be playing around. Lord Sixth told me to do something and I need to do those things.

I ignore Shikamaru and all attempts to talk to me. I don't need to be distracted.

I need to sort this out. I don't need to be distracted.

I see the front door to my house. I walk in. I take off my shoes and walk back to my room. I feel Shikamaru is behind me.

I go into my room and go to the bookshelf.

"Tooru," Shikamaru grabs my hand.

I am… I feel my eyes go wide and I feel the need to kick Shikamaru. I don't want to be touched by another person. I refuse to be touched by anyone ever again. I don't want to be taken advantage of.

I turn around, "Shikamaru what."

"You keep ignoring me. Tell me what's wrong. You were crying when I walked into the office. What happened?" Shikamaru asks.

I shouldn't tell him. There is no way he would know. I can't live in that reality now. I have to get the group before they get me. I need to. Mako will know what is going on. But I don't even remember what, if he told me anything before.

But I need to. I need Shikamaru to trust me.

No, I don't. The shinobi world is all about mistrust and hoping someone will stick to their word.

"I was… I need to do this," I mumble, moving my hand away.

"Do what? Tooru please," Shikamaru pauses, "I want to know as your friend."

Friend?

I need to listen to Lord Sixth. I was told to be their friend. I should tell him.

Was I really told? No, I was. I know Lord Sixth told me to be their friend. But he hasn't enforced it since I got back.

I turn away. I can't.

I can't tell him about the scrolls. Something that I should never have to tell him. But I need to tell someone. I need to warn him.

I have something. I have a scroll of drawings I drew for Lord Third.

I think it should react how the rules will. It has a rough draft of a few of the rules in it. But I can carry the rules myself.

"I think I might have a test scroll. I just need to find it." I go to my desk.

"What is it?" Shikamaru asks.

"An old scroll. It was made around the same time the rules were. So I think it will react the same if someone else touches it." I answer.

I look through the desk. I find it right away though. I have to know where everything is in my room. Everything has a specific place. A rule, always be clean, always know where everything is in your room. A rule I think I actually like to follow, everything is clean all the time.

"Since it is just old drawings, I don't care really what happens to it. Since it was done when I was very young. And It was done when I was allowed a break from writing the rules. So it should have similar properties to it." I tell him.

I turn back around only to find Shikamaru right behind me. Shikamaru raises his eye brow to me. I look down at my feet.

This is like one of the first times we meet. I hold the scroll close to my chest. I don't understand what is going on. Should I be excited? Nerves? I have no idea why I reacted like this. The first time I was cold and didn't want to be anywhere near him. But so many things happened from that time.

I can feel my face heating up. No I shouldn't be acting like this. That was only a dream.

I look back up at Shikamaru.

"Sorry," he mumbles.

He backs a step away. I study Shikamaru for a second. Why did he? It reminds me of the dream. I remember liking having him that close, finding comfort. I always wanted him near me. I guess I was glad when he was the only one who could calm me down from the nightmares. Where he was the only one.

How he had to stay with me. How much I wanted to be around him.

The heat of his lips against me. I wanted to feel it more and more. If I had stayed in the dream I wanted to be with Shikamaru.

I shake my head.

That has nothing to with the problems now. We need to test this out, it is to see if he can help me. Though I highly doubt it. I know he will not be able to hold a scroll.

I am humoring Lord Sixth. I open the scroll to look at it, pictures and a few written words. This is to see if anything will happen to it.

"Here," I extend the scroll to Shikamaru.

"Any clue what it could do?" Shikamaru asks.

I shake my head, "No. It could erase everything on that scroll, it could shock you, there are too many things that it can do. All of which could harm you. There is a chance that it could hurt me since it is my scroll."

Shikamaru looks between me and the scroll. There is a large chance anything can happen to me. These things I can't predict. Lord Third sealed them away, so I would always have them. I was punished a lot when I was first learning the rules. And now they are engrained.

I don't even know if other people touching the scrolls is a good idea. But this is one that should react the same.

I know there is 30% chance of this hurting me, a 68% chance all contents will be erased and a 2% chance nothing will happen. We should test it.

"Are you going to take it?" I ask.

"Only if you answer a question." Shikamaru says.

I tilt my head, "But you already know what could happen when you take this scroll. What is the question?"

There is a pause. A very long pause. I have no idea what he could want to know. Plus, this is wasting our time. I have better things to do that watch over Shikamaru.

"What happened in Kakashi's office?" Shikamaru finally asks.

I look away, "It has nothing to do with the mission."

"In a round about way it does though. As comrades we need to trust each other, and for a mission like this I need to know what you were telling Kakashi. Especially since any information is good information to know." Shikamaru argues.

Now it is my turn to pause.

Shikamaru just pointed out to me.

The thing I was placed under has to do with the group. The group revealed nothing to me though.

But how would that help Shikamaru? I don't understand. He is looking into something else.

"How does this help you?" I lower my arm.

Shikamaru raises an eye brow, "It helps because I piece things together. So ruling out what happened to you will put Kiba and myself in a good place right away. But if this is connected like Kakashi believes, we need to know what you know."

I narrow my eyes at him. Shikamaru keeps an even expression. I really don't like dealing with Shikamaru. I wish I could have anyone else working with me. Shikamaru asks too many question.

I don't like people who ask too many questions.

They challenge and are a bother to the village. Though the points that Shikamaru brought up were good.

I need to help the village and Shikamaru and Kiba could be helping

Therefore, I should tell him.

"I was under a geinjutsu, which is something we are glad to know. I was telling Lord Sixth about it, which means there are a lot of powerful ninja in that group. Lord Kakashi wanted to know what I saw, so I told him." I answer.

"What did you see?" Shikamaru asks.

"You said a question. Maybe I'll answer it in time. But I need to know if anything will happen when you touch this scroll." I tell him.

Shikamaru raises an eyebrow. I look down at the scroll. I look back at the Shikamaru.

I don't care about this scroll. I know I can carry al the scroll.

"Are you sure about this Tooru?" Shikamaru asks.

I nod, "Lord Sixth wanted it, so this is a way to make sure. If anything happens with this it will happen with the rest of them."

Shikamaru takes in a breath. I know he is unsure about this, but this is the only option that we have. If there is a chance that the rules get destroyed I am disobeying a direct order.

But I am still disobeying orders.

No, we need to make sure that everything is going well. I need to make sure these do not get destroyed. I have to make sure of that. I need to make sure that I am something to the village. I cannot be ignored.

I can't be the helpless little girl, I can't have people come and rescue me all the time. I don't want to be worthless.

I raise my arm toward Shikamaru, holding out the scroll to him.

Shikamaru grabs the scroll. I slowly let go of it.

Since I was holding it nothing happened. But what happens when I have no connection with the scroll at all. That is what I don't know.

Shikamaru and I wait. I look between Shikamaru and the scroll. Making sure nothing happens.

I take a step back from Shikamaru.

I still don't want to be anywhere near him.

"Throw the scroll up than catch it. If it loses contact than regains that contact the scroll could react," I say.

I watch Shikamaru nod. He throws the scroll up. It in in the air for a few seconds, up going to the ceiling. It lands back in Shikamaru's hands.

We wait.

But nothing happens.

"Open it up," I tell him.

Shikamaru slowly nods.

I watch him open that scroll up. But nothing happens. He tilts it towards me, I see that everything has faded on the scroll. I know this is a problem. I know nothing can stop it. Shikamaru can't touch it.

Just as I thought.

The rules are rules and no one can know about me. And that means the rules as well. I knew this, I just had to make sure that everything was okay. I needed to do this for Lord Sixth, hopefully to prove I need to be alone.

"I see," is all I say.

"I guess we have to figure something else out right?" Shikamaru looks behind me.

I look and see the scrolls are sitting on the shelf.

Turning back to him rolling back the scroll up, "I can carry them. There aren't that many."

I look at Shikamaru and see that he is smiling. A smile I was seeing a lot in the dream. But this isn't the dream, this is reality. A reality where I did not fall in love with Shikamaru.

Wait?

Love?

That isn't in my vocabulary. I shouldn't know what that even means.

I realize that I am only looking at him. I turn away from Shikamaru.

What am I doing. I should have held eye contact. But I turned away.

I shouldn't be around people/

"Well, let's get the rules. I mean I can get them. I need to take them to Lord Sixth." I say.

I move to my shelf. I grab the four scrolls. I guess Lord Sixth thought that I had a lot more rules. In Everyday Habits, Mission Habits and Identity Habits there are 25 to 50 rules that I have to follow. Some of them are eating, some are how to treat other people.

The only one that has less is the Big Rules which is seen by the name. Only those rules, but also the note I made. I have no idea what it is about.

"I would have thought you had more rules." Shikamaru comments.

"There are a lot of rule in three of them." I answer.

"So you need to take these to Kakashi?" Shikamaru question.

I nod, "I need to get these to Lord Sixth since he asked me."

Shikamaru nods. I know that we should talk about it. Since Lord Kakashi wanted Shikamaru to come with me. Something that I will never understand. I would have thought Lord Sixth knows I can do things.

Unless he lost faith in me.

I turn and walk out of my room. I don't have time to think about what Lord Sixth thinks, I need to prove I am worthy.

"You know, Naruto never took the chunin exams," Shikamaru comments.

I stop, "What?"

I know Naruto failed twice. But I guess there is another way to become a higher level ninja in the village. I mean Naruto saved the world a few times/

"Ya, Naruto saved things enough. I heard he talked with the forever genin at one point. Do you know about him?" Shikamaru asks.

"Well yes. Every knows about him. He was good to take on missions since he knew a lot about the land already. He went on missions all the time when he was younger," I answer.

Shikamaru smirks, "Well, he is getting ready to retire."

"I thought he already did. Why is he retiring now?" I question.

Shikamaru walks past me. I can see him laughing a little bit. Who wouldn't know about the forever genin? He is a person people talk about. He eve sat and talked with me when I was younger.

"Age. He has grandkids becoming ninja now. I mean," Shikamaru turns towards me, "can you imagine being a ninja alongside your grandchildren? Sounds bothersome."

I glance over to Shikamaru, "I don't think so."

Shikamaru ponders this. He doesn't answer me though. I know I killed the conversation. Good, maybe then I can actually think about what I should be focusing on. Not about this small matter.

"I mean, it's the same with Saskue, I don't think he has taken the test since the rookie 9 all took it." Shikamaru states.

"Two of the most powerful ninja in the world and they took a different test?" I question.

"Yes," Shikamaru begins, "Naruto is helping me out this year by declaring matches."

"Isn't there anything else he should be doing?" I ask.

Shikamaru shakes his head. He sits down to put on his shoes and I follow him. I leave the scrolls in my lap and get my shoes on.

"Not really. With so few missions it gives him something to do." Shikamaru answers.

"I see." I say.

Shikamaru stands up as I stand up, "Well, I'm sure you know about the shortage of missions right?"

I walk through the door Shikamaru is holding open, "I am aware, but I have other things to do."

Shikamaru walks by me.

I don't want to talk about this. A shortage of missions is not the problem. We have seen one war, nothing else. I mean… nothing will change that. All five nations are united now. Doesn't mean there won't be any change in the world soon.

Lord Third always made up missions at times. Why can't Lord Sixth do that.

I thought Lord Sixth could do whatever he wanted. That's what Lord Third always did.

Shikamaru and I remain quiet for a moment.

That is really odd to think about. I mean, the Hokage has all the power in the village. No I shouldn't be thinking about that. I should be thinking about the group. I go back over what I know already:

14 members.

Spiritic meeting.

High level?

From different villages.

No head bands.

Chakra.

Name? Cannot hear.

What do they want? What is their end goal? Are they going to try to take over the world and take away the peace that the world has been feeling?

Targets?

they need information, information on people who are high level and are unknown except to the Kage's.

Furthermore, we don't know what they want.

Unless we get something out of Mako. Which it sounded like he wasn't going to talk from what I remember. But if it is anything like the dream than he won't know much about who is following and why.

Which would explain a lot of the resistance when I was questioning him.

Oh wait, I don't remember questioning him at all.

I only know based on clues from conversations from others. That's the extent of my knowledge. Which forces me to assume things. Which I don't want to do. I hate that, it could mean I am making a life or death situations. When I was captured is proof that I should never assume anything.

"You seem to be in deep thought over there Tooru," Shikamaru says.

I look over to him, "Just planning in my head. I think a lot."

The still leaves a large blank in what we are dealing with. Especially if there are tracker type of ninja in the group. Tracker ninja are the hardest to deal with, especially if that is what they have been trained to do.

Which reminds me.

I need to know if we did get anything out of Mako.

"Shikamaru," I start.

I stop walking holding the scrolls in my hands. Shikamaru stops a few feet away from me. I look up at Shikamaru, I need to know. But I don't know how to ask.

I am an idiot for asking him. But I have a rule against asking Ibki anything. I know very well that is a clear violation of the rules. I hope that Shikamaru knows something about what is going on. If he doesn't I can ask Lord Sixth about it.

"What happened when I went to question Mako? All I remember is going into to cell with Mako in it. After that I am drawing a blank," I finally say.

Shikamaru looks away from me. He clicks his tongue. I don't know what happened. I remember Lord Kakashi mentioning it, but after that I have no idea what happened. I need to know what happened, I need to know so I know how mad Lord Kakashi will be at me.

I should never forget the information that I learn about. That is a rule, that I have broken.

"Well, Tooru, a lot happened. I don't know much but I know you got a group name and some information about Mako…" Shikamaru begins.

"Than why aren't we using that information?" I question.

"Let me finish." Shikamaru pauses, "Tooru, you tortured that man. You broke Mako, he even said he will be willing to tell us anything."

I let this sink in.

I've tormented people before. But I always remember what I did and the steps that were taken to get the information pulled out of the person. I have no memory of interrogating Mako. I don't know what I did. I could have done any number of things.

Which is what scares me. What did anyone else see?

I know the extent of my powers, no one else should ever know the full extent of my power other than the Hokage. And I let Mako see power. That is another thing that should have never happened.

I don't know what any of them saw. I can't even think of what I did in that moment. I don't know how long the interrogation lasted.

I look down to the ground.

I really messed up this time. Not only did I forget the information that could help to make planning easier, I showed what I can do when interrogating people. Something that no one should be in the room for. For I am normally used as a last resort since most of the time the people I question try to kill themselves.

Which reminds me.

Did Mako even make it through our session? Is he even still alive?

"I did that?" I finally mumble.

"You really don't remember Tooru?" Shikamaru asks.

I shake my head. I don't remember. It's like when he first meet me. I never remembered anything other than the group. Those things needed to be priority in my mind.

But now I don't know what I need to, this is a change. I am looking at something from outside of my own body, I have no clue what happened. I don't know what to focus on.

I was upset before going in. I remembered the implications that Mako had when he was captured. I know that would make many people upset. I know this. But I don't specifically remember why I was upset. I had just been punished.

But that can't be the reason why.

I feel helpless again.

What am I supposed to do?

Shikamaru takes a step towards me. I look up at him, I feel so lost. I don't know what is going on with me. I shouldn't be acting like this. I need to be the ninja to get through this. I don't know what is going to happen. I have no clue what will happen with these rules.

I look down at the rules.

What will happen to these?

These papers that Lord Third engrained into my mind. So much that I can't fall asleep without seeing them. I hate them. I want to light them on fire. But, these rules are binding. I don't know what will happen with them.

"Tooru," Shikamaru says.

I slowly look up to Shikamaru. He is looking directly at me. I don't know what my breath pattern is or how I look. Most likely not composed. No… I have to remain composed at all times.

"You need to calm down. We still have Mako, but you need to follow what Kakashi said right?" Shikamaru asks.

I nod my head.

"Lets get these scrolls to Kakashi okay?" Shikamaru asks.

I'm not even sure if I am okay with everything going on in my life now. Too many things have happened in the past few weeks. I don't know what to even think at times like this.

I have been forced to make friends, captured and than punished. And now I am sanding here wondering what the hell is going on. I want to hide away again. I never wanted to be friends with anyone. But, now I am here because I need to… I need to what?

I don't know how to process everything that has happened to me in the past few weeks I've known Shikamaru and Kiba.

"Shikamaru! Tooru!" we both turn.

As if on cue Kiba comes running up to us. I turn away from him and collect my emotions. I shouldn't be feeling like this.

"Hey Kiba." Shikamaru greets.

"Hi," I mumble.

I slowly turn towards Kiba. Kiba doesn't have a smile across his face. I am use to seeing a smile on his face. I wonder… no. I need to focus on the task at hand. Not the little things. The group should be my focus.

"Shikamaru we need to have a discussion. I think I found something out…" Kiba trails off, looing at me.

Shikamaru nods along, "Good, we can meet later to figure it out."

I look between both boys confused. Are they talking about the mission Lord Sixth mentioned earlier? That could be it. I mean, why else would these two interact?

Though, I've been wondering that since the beginning. From what I know Kiba and Shikamaru are not the closest in that group of people. I would have thought Shino would have been with Kiba that day. Unless he was out on a mission, which could have been possible.

But still.

I don't like not knowing something and they know something. I guess I want to be the best and knowing everything is associated with being the best ninja that I can be.

"Ya, we will see about it. We have to be going, Tooru needs to drop something off to Kakashi." Shikamaru says.

I turn and see Shikamaru walking away. I missed the whole conversation.

"See you later Kiba," I bow.

Kiba waves bye and Shikamaru and I keep walking to Lord Kakashi's office.

We keep walking, in silence.

I am worried since the dream ended badly. But this isn't a dream. I need to ask him first. I need to ask before I do anything. Lord Sixth has to know everything that I am doing. No question about it. Nothing will change that fact.

It's lonely, I would like to try somethings, but Lord Third always told me no. Like playing Ninja. I would like to play that.

"Yo Tooru," Shikamaru finally says.

"Yes?" I look over to Shikamaru.

"You seem distracted," Shikamaru doesn't even look at me.

I look down, "Thinking."

There is a pause. I know that I need to do something.

No I shouldn't be.

I need to be alone.

I don't know what he is going to say. I hate this feeling of not knowing anything that is going on. But I don't know what I am even feeling.

I don't…

UGH!

Why can't I understand what I am feeling?

"I… I don't know." I pause, "I guess I am a little wary of it."

"Why?" Shikamaru questions.

Before I can think my lips are moving, "Because no one has trained with me. No one has been allowed to. The Hokage determines everything about me. I have no say in what happens. I don't even know if Lord Sixth will allow for me to train with you guys. I don't know the full extent of any power I have, and I highly doubt that Lord Sixth does either. But I can't go against Lord Sixths words. I mean, aren't you scared of me Shikamaru? I… I am a… mystery to everyone. I don't even know who I am. I hate not knowing things. I want to know who I am. But I can't since the Hokage tells me who I am, and what I am doing every moment of the day. Which means I fall into a pattern. Right now I don't have a pattern, everything is so messed up in my head. I don't know what's wrong and what's right at this point. Why aren't you running away from me? Lord Third thought everyone would run away…"

I look up. I didn't realize that I stopped walking. I see Shikamaru is looking at me. He doesn't look shocked though. He looks very calm about what I have said.

But I am not calm about what I just said. If anything, I feel like I might break down. I mean I can't break down right at this moment. I need to stay in focus. But I can't stop the thoughts running through my head. I don't want Shikamaru to run away from me. I don't know if I can handle him running away.

But I know that he will.

Lord Third said that everyone would run away from me at some point. No way can I avoid it. I was told I would always be alone. That people will run away.

"Tooru," Shikamaru starts, "Why would I run away?"

But why is he still around? After the mission is over Lord Kakashi will tell him to leave. I will be alone again. And I don't know if I ever want to be alone again. I've been shown what it's like to not be alone. I've had a taste of being friends with people.

I don't want to be alone. I want someone to be with me. But Lord Third isolated me. I don't know what I can do.

I was isolated because I was told I was to be feared. That I naturally did what Orochimaru wanted to do. And Lord Third thought that I was taken by Orochimaru. For some reason that never felt right. We weren't experimented on, at least, not that I remembered.

Why wouldn't he leave? People who are scared of me are removed. Once they admit it they always leave, I never see them again.

"That being said," Shikamaru continues, "I can see how alone you are. I saw it in Naruto, we all saw it in Gaara almost too late. And in Saskue. Now look at them, they are respected in the village. Lord Third was wrong, why would any one of us run away from you?"

I shake my head. I don't know why I am acting like this. I don't want to show weakness, but I don't think I should be keeping everything in. In the dream I felt better after talking about my problems. Less stressed about things because I knew I could talk to someone about what was bugging me.

Can I reach that again?

"Lord Third wanted to keep me hidden Shikamaru. I was never meant to have friends, not even people to work with other than the Hokage." I tell him.

"That's selfish." Is all Shikamaru says.

I look over to him.

Selfish?

I was told to protect the village. I was told that everything the Hokage told me was for the village, nothing changed about it. This was the best thing for everyone in the village. That way I was spared the looks and was doing something. I was advance, no one knows what Orochimaru did to my people in the labs. No one has known, Lord Third said he would look into it once Orochimaru was captured for good.

Why don't I believe those words anymore?

"Lord Third made a choice for you. With Naruto he let him run wild, same with Saskue. Why are you different? Because of what happened to your clan?" Shikamaru asks.

"I don't know. I guess that he wanted someone by his side," I answer.

"Come on, Tooru. You and I both know he could have anyone by his side. He is the one who wanted all of us to work together, he did teach Lady Fifth. The woman set on team work. The team work that they all had. He just wanted a secret in the village." Shikamaru says.

He walks over to me and places a hand on my head.

"He… I don't know. Lord Third always said that I was too young to understand what was going on." I mumble.

I look into Shikamaru's eyes.