A/N: Kahlan says "Oh, Cara" a lot in Chapter 47 of the book for a straight, married woman… right? I used a mixture of dialogue and action from Chapter 47, but most of it is a hybrid of my own imagination.

part ii

more than what has been done to you

"Stop, I hear something," Cara murmured, pushing Benjamin's face away from her breast. Despite the delicious feelings the D'Haran captain was eliciting in her wet, hungry core, Cara was otherwise occupied. She had made it her aim to know the moment that something was amiss within their camp. After having traveled for so long by the Mother Confessor's side, it was as if she knew Kahlan better than the back of her own hand. After all, as Mord-Sith, that was her job.

"Cara, it's only the wind," Benjamin groaned, his hand slipping down to cup the wetness forming between Cara's legs. "Everything is fine."

Rather unceremoniously, Cara grabbed Benjamin's hand and yanked it up to his eyeline. "Do you want your fingers broken, or not? I said stop. Listen."

Even against the winter winds, pained groaning could be heard to the East. And, as Cara had anticipated, the out of place sounds were coming from the Mother Confessor's tent. Without another word to Benjamin, Cara grabbed a thick, wool blanket, wrapped it around her shoulders, and ducked out of the opening of her tent.

"Are you coming back?" Benjamin asked rather piteously, he himself not having expected the words to slip from his tongue. Cara looked back at him with a sharpness not unlike daggers in the skin in her intelligent, blue eyes.

"Wait here or not, I'm going to do my job," Cara replied firmly, taking the only candle from the tent and disappearing into the night.

"Without clothes?" came a call from Benjamin, but Cara had stopped listening.

If Cara was being honest with herself, it wasn't merely a duty anymore to protect the Mother Confessor. In fact, Cara found herself doing it simply because she wanted to. Although Cara had initially promised Lord Rahl that she would defend Kahlan in his absence as he would, through these months of traveling alone a new bond had formed between the two women.

The Mother Confessor was a far stronger woman than Cara had ever known; she was diplomatic, yet cruel when the need for such sentiments arised. Cara had watched as Kahlan commanded troops, made difficult decisions, and inspired the D'Harans to continue to fight for something good. Although she never told Kahlan so, Cara found all of it highly admirable. Like a true Sister of the Agiel, Kahlan was willing to do anything to get what she wanted. Especially since Richard's capture and exile to the Old World, Kahlan had turned a corner—once, she had always defected to her husband's opinion, but lately there had been an angry shift in her.

"Mother Confessor?" Cara tried, and getting sobs in the stead of a true response, Cara thought it best to simply invade Kahlan's privacy rather than wait for something sour to happen to her. "Mother Confessor?"

Kahlan was wrapped up in her blankets, twisting and turning as if she were in the throes of a terrible nightmare. At least, that's what Cara expected; Mord-Sith never had nightmares. They rarely had dreams, either.

"Mother Confessor," Cara said again, this time with more intention weighing down her tone into a drawl. She lifted the candle to see what was going on inside the tent. "Are you all right?"

The Mother Confessor lay there on her bedroll, blankets bundled in between her legs, her usually bright, green eyes in a dull haze as they adjusted to the unexpected source of light from the candle. Kahlan watched Cara with a confusion that told her perhaps the Mother Confessor was still half-asleep, but even being in a waking dream did not stop the glimmer of recognition from coming over Kahlan's face.

"Cara—"

In an instant Cara was by her side and took a firm but caring hold of Kahlan's shoulders. Her eyes gave a cursory search of Kahlan's bare form for any signs of harm.

"What is it?" she asked, growing angry not with Kahlan, but rather with the unknown of the situation. Had someone come into her tent without Cara noticing? Was it simply just a spoiled dream?

"Oh, Cara…" Kahlan said, her green eyes now welling up with tears which drooled down her face in thick, hot beads. Cara detested crying, often abandoning people to their own devices when they broke down in front of her, but this was Kahlan. This was her companion who was clearly in distress, and Cara was not about to give up on her quest to aid the Mother Confessor over a few tear drops. When Kahlan was once again overcome with sobs that racked her chest and made her breath come forth in stuttering gulps, Cara became more insistent.

"What's wrong? What can I do? Are you hurt? Are you sick?" Cara asked fervently. Kahlan shook her head.

"Richard… has been with Nicci."

"Kahlan, what are you talking about?" Cara replied quickly, unsure if she had misheard Kahlan though the crying. "You were just having a nightmare, it's not real."

"No Cara, I… felt him," Kahlan explained, her hand splaying out over her belly. The realization of what she had meant washed over Cara instantly. "He was with her."

The Mord-Sith was in utter disbelief. She could not imagine Richard Rahl, the man who defended and cared for his wife even thousands of leagues away, would take any other woman but Kahlan Amnell. Richard and Kahlan had been separated so many times that it seemed almost comical now. Even through their tragic fate at the Temple of the Winds, Richard had never truly strayed. So Cara knew without a shadow of a doubt that even a rotten temptress such as Nicci could not sway Richard Rahl away from the love of his life.

"No, Kahlan," Cara challenged, shaking her head and sitting down in front of Kahlan. Cara pushed the Confessor's hair away from her face and cupped her cheek, trying to reason with the sobbing woman. "He had to have been threatened, or perhaps she just forced herself on him. Nicci has tethered herself to you, you have to think that she would use that—"

"I could feel how much he enjoyed it," Kahlan stammered. Cara saw phantoms in her eyes. "He was like an animal. He's never been like that with me… Richard's fallen in love with her, he has to have—"

Cara was altogether sick of this blubbering that was so entirely beneath the Mother Confessor. It did her no good to cry and carry on about something that was simply a dream, so Cara did what she would have done with any woman she respected so much as Kahlan. Without warning, she gave Kahlan a hard slap across the face. Kahlan's hand flew to her cheek, her eyes brightened with realization, and her face twisted into an expression of puzzled anger towards Cara.

"Cara—"

"You were half asleep, but now you're awake. Take a deep breath. Are you ready to tell me what happened?"

Kahlan seemed to chew on her words, a little upset with Cara before realizing what had happened. Cara held her eyes, not allowing the Confessor to dip back down into herself for too long.

"He was biting me… and groping me… and taking me… and it all hurt so furiously," Kahlan rattled off. "It felt like he needed her so badly, as if he had been starving for her body."

"And… has Lord Rahl ever touched you in that way?" Cara asked, raising an eyebrow.

Kahlan shook her head and took a long, deep breath in. "Never. He isn't like that at all. He's always been so gentle, perhaps a bit strong, but he's never hurt me like that."

"Well, then it wasn't Richard," Cara said decidedly. With that, she turned to leave the tent, but Kahlan's hand fell onto her shoulder and stayed her course.

"What do you mean? How could it not have been Richard? Surely she meant to play with my head by having him… you know…"

"Nicci's depravity knows no bounds. She was the one, after all, who cast this spell on you to threaten Richard to leave with her. Surely she would find a way to torture you further, especially since it's likely that Richard is not completely complying with whatever dullard's rhetoric they have in the Imperial Order," Cara offered diplomatically, watching as Kahlan's face began to soften, her features changing ever so slightly in the flickering the candlelight.

"You truly believe that? You aren't just telling me this so I go back to sleep?"

"I would like for you to be both comforted and to return to sleep," Cara informed her, but the wary look in Kahlan's eye told her that her statement was not nearly convincing enough. "Have I ever been dishonest, Kahlan?"

Kahlan said nothing for a moment, her eyes roving over Cara's placid expression as if it would provide answers, but they both knew that endeavor was in vain when speaking to a Mord-Sith; they told you how they felt in words, not in body language.

"You are the most honest person, besides Richard, that I have ever met. You are probably more honest than him, considering you don't entirely care about hurting anyone's feelings."

The Mord-Sith smirked. "I like to be frank, it suits nearly every situation. What happens after that is not my concern. I do not think you wish to be coddled, Mother Confessor."

It was in this new, calm light that Kahlan seemed to be staring at her chest. Cara had been naked in front of Kahlan before, but perhaps she was alarmed after the event that had just occurred.

"What is that, on your breast?" Kahlan asked. She wiped the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand, then her finger reached forward to poke at the small, uneven circle of pinkened skin. "Have you been—"

"We are supposed to be talking about you," Cara warned, the slightest bit flustered as she pulled the blanket around her to cover up the love mark. But it was too late, for a playful grin crept across Kahlan's face, the previous trauma nearly forgotten in lieu of this new game.

"Is Benjamin in your tent with you?"

"Mother Confessor, you are still half asleep and having dreams. Go back to sleep," Cara said, rising to her bare feet for the second time in favor of seeking escape from Kahlan's tent.

"Don't Mother Confessor me now," Kahlan contested. "Wait, Cara—"

Cara paused, her hand on the opening of the tent.

"Can you stay?"

A hint of winter wind whistled past Cara's ankles and into the tent. All she could hear was the silence of new fallen snow outside, and the anticipation of her response to Kahlan.

"Cara?" Kahlan tried again when there was no answer.

"For how long?"

"Why, are you itching to get back to Benjamin?"

Cara turned back to Kahlan and bent down to set the candle on the nearby table. "Which sort of answer would amuse you more?"

"The truthful one," Kahlan replied candidly.

"I'd rather stay here at least until he leaves," Cara said, sitting in front of Kahlan. "I only invited him over because tonight was unseasonably cold. However, now I am more concerned with you."

"All the more reason to stay here with me, then," Kahlan said. "I can't believe you came here in bare feet, the snow is still falling."

"It's my job to protect you, even if there is snow," Cara challenged, then leaned over to blow out the candle and throw them both into pitch darkness. "Goodnight, Mother Confessor."

There were a few moments of silence, then Kahlan spoke up once more. Cara was hoping both that Benjamin would leave her tent by now, and Kahlan would fall asleep so she could get some rest of her own. Tonight had been altogether confused by this series of odd events.

"Cara, I'm cold."

"Do you need another blanket?"

"No, I don't need another blanket."

"All right, then go to sleep."

A few more moments of silence, then bravery. Kahlan expelled an upset, anxious breath of air from her lungs.

"Cara…"

Without question, the Mord-Sith crawled over to Kahlan, slipped underneath the fur, and lay down beside her. Once she arrived next to Kahlan, however, Cara lost all idea of what to do next.

"Is it okay that—" Cara said, suddenly aware of her own bare skin as she grew closer to Kahlan.

"We're both adults."

Cara grunted once in the affirmative, however she had a difficult time deciding what to do. In the end, she gingerly wrapped her arms around Kahlan's shoulders and chest. Kahlan groaned in pain as Cara applied the slightest bit of pressure to her skin.

"What's wrong?"

"Sorry, it's not you," Kahlan said, wincing again. "It's just from… the dream."

"I see," Cara understood what she meant, and wished she could help. But nothing could really help what had happened to Kahlan. "Do you need to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?" Kahlan said, adjusting herself to get closer to Cara, their bodies fitting perfectly together in the darkness. Cara became completely stiff, her heart racing even though there was no danger. Cara let the notion die in the silence, hoping that Kahlan would finally fall asleep and forget that Cara had said anything. Kahlan shifted again, her hands moving down her body, and Cara heard a slick, wet sound. There was a hiss of pain from Kahlan.

"Kahlan, please don't do that while I'm right beside you," Cara said honestly, to which Kahlan did not respond at first.

"What? No, it's not that… it's… oh Cara…"

"What? What's wrong?" Cara said before she could really think of exactly what was on Kahlan's hand. To give them some light, Cara got on her hands and crawled a few feet to the opening of the tent and held it open, letting moonlight pour in. Cara turned her head and immediately saw Kahlan's fingers were coated in red wetness and her eyes were welled up with tears again. Cara felt a buzzing sadness well up in her throat, a pain borne not out of the hurt it caused her, but instead a pain borne out of empathy for what had been done to Kahlan.

"Kahlan…" said Cara softly, at an utter loss for what to say. Before Kahlan could cry alone, Cara gathered Kahlan up in her arms and held the other woman tight to her chest. Cara felt the wetness of Kahlan's blood on her shoulder as she sobbed against her, finally letting out everything that she had wanted to hold back. There was a dizzying sensation all around Cara, sweeping her back to long ago when everything had been so much crueler. But Cara knew that she must stay here, with Kahlan, for Kahlan could not follow her to such dark caverns.

"It's not your fault," Cara mumbled into Kahlan's hair. "You're all right, Kahlan."

"This… I've never… it's only been Richard… and he's never…" Kahlan tried, unable to speak in full sentences. The sobbing had ripped the usual control Kahlan possessed away from her.

"It's all right," Cara said, she bit back the urge to tell Kahlan foolishly: this happens to all of us.

What a stupid thing to even think.

Without giving much credence to it, as she held Kahlan's head to her chest Cara took the edge of her blanket and pushed it gently between Kahlan's legs, collecting the blood there and sweeping it away from her skin and onto the fabric.

"Cara, you don't have to—"

"Yes, Kahlan, I do. Let me help you. You can't sleep like this," Cara murmured, and for once Kahlan let her. Cara held her tighter, letting Kahlan fall against her as she wiped away the evidence of the horror that Kahlan had never deserved. Care and affection were what Kahlan needed now, not shame. Cara's hand came up to grip the back of Kahlan's head, she let her fingers thread into her long, Confessor's hair that was her crown.

"This has happened to you too, hasn't it?" Kahlan asked.

"Yes," Cara said smoothly, locking that part of herself away almost instantaneously. "It was the fate of all Mord-Sith before Richard arrived."

Kahlan sucked in a sharp breath.

"If we don't speak of what is done to us by men, it will always happen. And then it will just become normal, when it never should be," Cara replied sternly, as if she had said it thousands of times.

"Do you want to…"

"No. Not tonight. Perhaps some other night, when things aren't so painful and throbbing," Cara said, catching a sob in her throat but violently forcing it back down. She would not succumb to the past, she would never sink down to her knees in the face of what had been done to her.

Cara felt the heat of expectation burning at her feet and coercing her to move, but she resisted the temptation to run far away from all of this feeling. This was a closeness she had never experienced, a baring of her soul that was altogether unfamiliar. It was as if Kahlan's skin was melting into the very core of her, eating away at all of her walls and making a mess of her.

"Thank you, Cara."

There were no further words between them, but this time as they lay down, Cara wrapped her arms around Kahlan's middle and sank into a deep, warm slumber after she heard the Confessor's breath slow. For the first time in a long, many years, Cara swore that she had seen colors playing behind her closed eyelids while she lay asleep.