Hitomi left the therapist's office shaken, her eyes puffy and expression defeated. She wanted to escape the busy roads, to fade in the shadows until she was safe on the Nara lands, but luck didn't allow her that. As she looked down to avoid making eye-contact with a civilian matron with a severe air on her face, she bumped against Lee. Immediately, the teenager put his hands on her shoulders to stop her from staggering, his dark eyes looking at her with worry. "Hitomi-san? What is it?"
Suddenly unable to talk, she could only hide her face against Lee's neck, on the brink of tears again. She felt exhausted, raw, incapable of shouldering on the coat of gentleness and quiet she had always worn like a flag when she was with him. If he wanted to know her, then he'd learn about that not-so-nice side of herself too, and too bad if he decided that she wasn't worth it after all.
"Tenten? Can you please report for both of us?"
Hitomi hadn't even noticed Lee's teammate was with him. The girl answered in a concerned voice and left them alone. Hitomi didn't look at her as she walked away, nor did she allow the tears stinging in her eyes to run free on her cheeks. Lee's arms were surrounding her, so strong and comforting. He cradled her gently without a care for the civilians who had no choice but to walk around them. He put his cheek on Hitomi's head, quietly breathed in the scent of her hair, then started whispering senseless, comforting words.
Finally, when she calmed down enough to walk, he took her to a little café near the Hokage Tower. It was the end of the workday for most shops in the village, but the catering businesses were right between rush hours, so their table and one stool at the bar were the only places taken. After a look in her direction, Lee ordered hot cocoa for both of them as well as a plate of pastries. When he came back to their table, he took her hand between his, caressing the long, thin fingers that looked so delicate he was afraid he would accidently break them.
"You don't have to tell me what's on your mind, Hitomi-san. I won't be mad at you if you want to keep your problems to yourself but, if you need comfort, don't hesitate to come find me if I'm not gone on a mission. We can spend time together here, or wherever you want. I don't like the idea of you being alone when you feel like this."
Drying her cheeks with her free hand, the girl nodded, a twinge of shame piercing her chest. Her mood had been tumultuous since she woke up, a lasting uncomfortable feeling that had given her a vague headache and bellyache, but that didn't explain how easily tears came to her eyes these past few days. She curled up for a moment, trying to quiet her emotions to a manageable level.
During all that time, Lee looked at her, attentive and considerate. He watched for the smallest clue as to how to help her. When their order was ready, he stood up to fetch it, subtle enough to put the plate of pastries a bit closer to her than him. Even though he had been charmed from the first time he had seen her, he was lucid enough to see how skin stretched, pale and thin, on the places where Hitomi's bones jutted out slightly.
She was very thin, which worried him as a shinobi. Strength and speed came with stature, muscles, and even if he could see them on her limbs, he was afraid the rest of her body wouldn't be able to follow. If his solicitude wasn't reason enough to feed her carefully, he had seen the gleam of deep satisfaction that had illuminated her eyes during their meal the previous day. He wanted to see it again.
After sipping on her hot cocoa, its rich and sugary taste soothing her a bit, the girl decided to go for a chocolate crepe. She ate in small mouthfuls, a sign that she was definitely unwell, her eyes often lost in front of her. She held herself straight again, but her face couldn't hide that she was still upset. "Thanks, Lee," she said, her voice a bit hoarse.
"No need to thank me. Just like you said, I do it because I want to. Do you want the muffin as well?" He had chosen a red bean paste mochi for himself, and ate at a leisurely pace, a bit of rice flour at the corner of his lips. When she nodded, he pushed the muffin in her direction, even though she wasn't done yet with her crepe. Under the table, their legs were still and pressed against the other's, as if they wanted some contact that the other people couldn't see.
"Are you gonna help Neji for his matches?" she asked a bit later, when he went back from fetching more drinks and food. She had ended up giving in to her hunger, more present than she would have thought. She always had a hard time figuring out if she was hungry, thirsty, tired, as if the signals her body sent her were stored in a part of her Library where her mind never lingered. It often created that kind of situation, where she ended up devouring anything given to her even though it wasn't mealtime yet. The chakra her exercises with Ensui and the bō had consumed didn't help.
"If he asks for my help, sure, but I don't think he will. He doesn't like me much. Besides, Gai-sensei already authorised Tenten and I to go back to D-ranked mission if we do them together and stay in the village. I guess that, since you're the only one from your team to not participate in the tournament, Kakashi-sensei didn't grant you such permission."
"It's okay. I have all the money I can possibly need and I want to train during the month, to focus on my own skills more than I usually would."
For a few minutes, they talked about her training plan. She didn't mention how Haku and Zabuza would help her, since they were nukenin, and Lee was too honourable and righteous to understand how she could be friendly towards criminals. Other than that, she explained what she had planned for her month in detail, aware that Lee was very interested in such topics. In turn, he told her about what Gai had in mind for Tenten and himself until the exam was over. They weren't gonna sit around either.
"Say, Hitomi…"
"Hm?"
"Last time, when I left, we didn't plan for another date. Would you… Would you like to go out again?"
She didn't even need to think about it before answering. "Of course! Would you like to go to a movie? I heard that a novel from Matabishi Zoku had been adapted, but I haven't seen it yet. Would you like to go with me? It's the story of a shinobi who comes back to his village one day and discovers that there's nothing there, even the buildings are gone, as if it hadn't existed."
"Sounds interesting! Do you want to go buy the tickets before I take you back home?"
With a surge of enthusiasm, the girl nodded. A bit of colour had come back to her cheeks, and she looked to be in a better mood as well. Deep inside, Lee patted himself on the back – he had managed to make her smile. They finished their pastries and hot cocoas, talking about movies they had seen and enjoyed that year. Lee, surprisingly, was a fan of romance and history-related movies. His favourite period was the Founders Era.
When they were both done, they left the café and went to buy their tickets for the movie Hitomi wanted to see. They picked a date three days later, at two in the afternoon. It was a weekday, which meant the cinema would probably be almost empty. He took her back to her house then, strolling through the quiet Konohajin streets. On the porch, he kissed her delicately, brushed the back of his hand against her scar then left. Like after their date, she watched him go before she went inside.
"Hitomi?" her mother called from the kitchen.
"I'm home," she answered in a soft voice.
Kurenai seemed better. Asuma obviously had a very healthy effect on her, which her daughter was very satisfied with. It was hard for her to support the adult in her home, and even more so considering her mother was a shinobi, and thus had a pride that could make helping her difficult. Hitomi herself was starting to get like that: she told the fact but rarely put words on what they made her feel. And when she did… Well, what happened in Fukuda's office proved it wasn't the best of ideas.
"Ensui-san had to go to Shikaku's office, but he left a book for you on the coffee table. He asks that you read at least the first five chapters for tomorrow. Can you manage?"
"Yeah, no problem," Hitomi shrugged. She was a far faster reader than average, diving through pages like a bird of prey through air. She went to the living-room to get the book, a surprisingly recent index of all the different techniques to make seal ink. He had mentioned it in passing before the exam. After all, even if she always had ink on her, it could get stolen, or she could use it all during a long infiltration mission. With the knowledge contained in that book, she could make new ink wherever she was in the Elemental Nations.
In the kitchen, her mother was cooking dinner, a curry dish she had learned how to make under Akimichi Chōza's tutelage. Hitomi had heard that she had won this privilege playing poker, and she had probably cheated her way to victory like any Jōnin worthy of their title would. After dropping a kiss on Kurenai's cheek, Hitomi started to set the table, explaining the date she and Lee had planned for. It was different from the relationships she had had before. With Hinata, she'd had to hide, and the fear of having her clan surprise them never left. Her fling with Haku had been brief, intense, like a burst of sparks. She wasn't feeling that intensity with Lee, but she didn't need to.
In a comfortable silence, mother and daughter started eating. Everything seemed empty without Naruto, Sasuke, or Asuma and Ensui who were often also there for dinner. One day, not so long after their long journey together, Konoha's Strangling Shadow had offered to pay for his share of the many meals he ate with the family. It had been the first time Hitomi saw anyone kick her shishou's ass… and it had been magnificent.
Finally, the silence turned heavy. Hitomi's eyes kept going back to the four empty chairs; it was like a slap on the face each time she saw them. Melancholy wrapped around her heart like a fist. Kurenai noticed something was wrong with her daughter and glanced at her often, especially when she spent too much time without eating. However, she didn't say anything – she was sure her girl would come to her when she'd be ready.
After the meal, Hitomi did the dishes then went back to her room. She read the book Ensui had left for her so she wouldn't have to worry about it anymore, answered the several messages that arrived on her notebook while she was busy, confirming amongst other things to Zabuza and Haku that they would be welcomed on the Nara lands, where they would be able to hide, then she laid on her bed, a mountain of untouched novels on her bedside table. She stared at the piece of sky she could see through her window rather than picking one or going to her Library like she usually would. Finally, she decided to go to bed, despite the early hour.
The following morning, she immediately noticed that something wasn't right. Her belly, lower back and head hurt, and her whole body ached like she had trained too hard the previous day, even though Ensui had been rather gentle with her. With a grunt of discomfort, she pushed her blanket back, left the bed then started to make it and… let out a long, anguished moan when she saw the big spot of red on the sheets. Her moan was more audible and distressed than she would have wanted it to be; already Ensui was almost tearing the door open, a kunai in his hand, ready to fight the menace that surely was in the room with her. He saw the stain on her sheets, an expression of disarray and fear appeared on his face, and she… she reacted without thinking.
"Out!" she screamed. The first object she got her hand on, the notebook for a novel she had started to write several days earlier, hit the wall a few millimetres to the left of Ensui's head, thrown so hard it left a mark two centimetres deep before falling to the man's feet. Still as stiff and lost, he slammed the door shut and she heard him run down the stairs as she tried to calm the surge of anxiety going through her. She had been aware it would happen one day; yet she couldn't help but feel like her body didn't belong to her, and she hated that feeling coming right from the Previous world, and…
"Hitomi, sweetheart?" her mother's gentle voice called from behind the door.
The answer came like a whisper, a whimper, a sob, or maybe all three at the same time. "Mom…"
Kurenai immediately opened the door, closed it after she stepped in then rushed to take her daughter in her arms, cradling her as if she was still a child who had woken up from a nightmare. She whispered that it would all be okay, that she shouldn't be scared, that there was a solution and that she wasn't alone, a litany of small comforts cascading down her lips, without a beginning nor an end. Finally, Hitomi calmed down, her cheeks maybe a little damp, and Kurenai held her at arm's length to look at her.
"I'm gonna change your sheets then take you to the hospital, alright? You have to get the shot, just like a vaccine, and then it will all be over until you decide that you want children, if you take such a decision one day. You'll have the whole day off today to give it time to go away, and tomorrow everything will be okay."
It was a silent tradition, something that was transmitted from kunoichi to kunoichi since the miracle med had been invented by Tsunade almost thirty years prior. If a girl couldn't count on her family to know and pursue the tradition, then her sisters from ancient families managed to find out when it happened, one way or another, and when the time came one of them took care of her for the day, until the bleeding stopped and she was ready to go back to work and to training. Hitomi hadn't heard of it, since for once the secret had been kept successfully, so Kurenai told her about the colleague who had done one mission with her as a Genin and had taken care of her the day of her first period, since her own mother hadn't been there to do it.
The walk to the hospital was complicated. Sure, Hitomi had known worse pains in her lives, but this one had something different, deep, intimate and impossible to ignore, which disturbed the delicate equilibrium of her muscles and joints, her balance and the assurance in her gait – going by the rooves was unthinkable. On the floor reserved for shinobi, mother and daughter waited for a middle-aged nurse, with a kind smile and red hair in a bun that had seen better days, to take them in. The injection was painful, between the spot it had to be made in – the lower part of her belly – and the size of the needle, but Hitomi forced herself not to flinch. It would have been ridiculous. When it was done, she had to admit she was relieved, even if she didn't feel any better yet. The woman at the counter, who knew why they were there, handed her a cookie from a jar on her desk before they said goodbye.
"There, sweetheart. Do you want to do something today?"
"No, I… I just want to stay home."
She didn't want to see any of her male peers – Gaara, Lee, or even Shikamaru – in fear of embarrassment. With Ensui already she had been the worst moron in the Elemental Nations, yelling and throwing books to his face in accordance with the clichés that went with her gender and their menses. She was ashamed. In this world, even if they weren't as present as in the previous one, stereotypes against women still held some social power. Even kunoichi couldn't totally escape it.
When they came back home, Ensui was waiting for them. He removed the coat Hitomi had thrown over the comfiest clothes in her closet that weren't pyjamas, then took her hand and led her to the couch, putting a pillow and a hot water bottle behind her back. He then covered her legs with her favourite plaid and pushed the coffee table within arm's reach so she could grab all the books he had put on it – romances, tales, a big volume of fantasy and her used copy of The Tale of an Utterly Gutsy Shinobi from Jiraiya. His gait nervous and stiff, he practically ran to the kitchen and came back before mother or daughter could say anything, putting a big hot cocoa mug on the table as well.
"Well," Kurenai smiled, "it looks like you have done this your whole life, Ensui."
The man rubbed his neck, then his palm against each other, seemingly nervous. "I knew this day would come. I did research, asked questions…"
"… made a list as well?"
"Err… Can I… not answer that?"
The young mother laughed her heart out, quickly followed by her daughter before the latter settled comfortably, since the adults had decided to take care of her that day. She sipped on the hot cocoa, burning, sugary and just a bit bitter, like she loved, then took Jiraiya's book and started to read. She could have recited the whole book from cover to cover, but that was the case for everything she had ever read. What made this one so precious to her was the way he touched her heart, filled her thoughts with ideals, sweetness and dreams of halcyon days.
Neither of the two adults interrupted her from her reading. They were both sitting on the remaining chairs of the room, Kurenai near Hitomi's head and Ensui closer to her feet. They were talking above her head, keeping the conversation to light subjects. A recipe they wanted to try, the wedding of a seamstress the man went to for his torn uniforms from one mission or another, the delegation from Takigakure that had just passed the border of the Land of Fire. The girl listened distractedly but didn't pitch in their conversation. She didn't feel the need or even desire to, and from time to time they seemed to forget she could hear and dropped a useful piece of information, so why remind them?
An hour before lunch, Yoshino knocked at the door. Ensui went to greet her and took her to the living-room so she could say hi to the girls as well. Apparently, Shikamaru's mother was perfectly aware of the miniature event that had hit her neighbours. How, by which sorcery, that was a secret she intended to keep: Kurenai and Hitomi weren't the only scary kunoichi in the family, after all. A rumour said that the Nara men had a soft spot for such women. Hitomi believed that. After all, wasn't Shikamaru supposed to fall in love with Temari? Even in this different universe from the canon she knew so well, it could still happen.
Her aunt had brought gyozas that she had, 'by chance', cooked in a bigger quantity than she had planned to. She knew how much Hitomi loved those dumplings and gave them enough to feed a regiment – or one ANBU team. She gave news of Shikamaru and Shikaku, who were working hard for the tournament. The teenager had apparently been offended by her cousin yielding to him and was settled on paying this debt back by showing motivation in his training. The fact that he had managed to bring his father into his plans was even more surprising. The girl couldn't wait to see his fight, if such a chance was given to her.
The meal was quiet, just as comforting as her whole day after leaving the hospital had been. During the afternoon, her pain and cramps slowly faded and, late at night, when she was on the brink of sleep, she wasn't in pain at all. The bleeding had stopped as well, to her deepest relief. One sniff in her direction and Hoshihi had left the house to hunt all day long, explaining above his shoulder that he would come back the following morning bringing gifts.
He kept his word, waking her up the next morning by licking the scar on her cheek until she opened her eyes. When he was sure she was awake, he started piling dead prey on her bed: rabbits, squirrels, badgers and even a pair of fat pigeons. He had been careful to kill each animal by breaking its neck, so as to not stain her things with blood – she had already handled that part the previous day, after all. Her white sheets had been deemed unsalvageable and thrown out.
Perched across her mentor's shoulders, Hai watched with enthusiasm, her round blue eyes gleaming proudly. She showed Hitomi the prey she had noticed herself but had let him kill because it had been the custom for ages now, far before the Founders Era. After all, the heads of the Yūhi clan had always been women. Yes, the scroll had once been the Uchiha's property but those clans had been allied before Konoha was founded.
Hitomi thanked her familiar, stored the prey away to be consumed later, then her day could start, just as easily as that. She prepared with the efficiency and quickness of a seasoned ninja, her movements precise and assured from habit, by the thousand times she had conducted them, before joining her shishou. He was waiting for her in the garden. In front of them, the horizon was still dark, but the first glimmers of dawn were starting to appear. In silence, the man and his apprentice greeted the sun. Her movements were lively, inhabited up to her fingertips by her focus and will. After a while, Kurenai joined them, the ritual greeting turning into a subtle mix of dance and martial art.
The bō exercise was back, of course. Hitomi greeted the clone Ensui had just summoned with a Seal of Confrontation then slid into a fighting stance and attacked when her master gave the signal. The man's eyes warmed with interest then satisfaction. He liked what he was seeing, the determination, the deep and firm calm he saw behind his apprentice's young and delicate features. He exchanged a look with Kurenai then swiped the bō to strike his apprentice's legs. Without even looking down, the girl jumped, even taking advantage of the momentum it gave her to try a particularly vicious blow.
Oh, she fell, eventually, but she had gotten so much better, as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, and Ensui knew she was on the correct path. Suddenly, he realised that it was the first night Hitomi had spent without nightmares since the Uchiha Massacre. He could see it just by looking at her, like a stiffness that had disappeared from her shoulders. With a smile, he helped her up and sent her to drink something.
After that, time flew by. Training was intense and liberating. Lee came to see her sometimes to take her on a date, allowing her to breathe and rest for a few hours. Hitomi saw how much Kurenai liked her daughter's suitor. Oh, the woman had loved Hinata, of course, and still loved her. But one didn't treat in the same way a first relationship that was condemned to fail from the beginning and what came afterwards.
Six days after Hitomi's menstrual mishap, Zabuza and Haku arrived close to the village's walls. Thanks to Hai, who saw that as a complex but fun exercise, they were disguised thoroughly enough to arrive in the clan's lands without being noticed. After that, they didn't need a disguise anymore: Shikaku himself had approved their presence on his land – they were untouchable.
"Well, girl, how is your Water Release?" Zabuza greeted gruffly.
With a predatory grin, she focused and the water coat appeared around her blade before starting its deadly rotation. The two Kirijin were interrupting her halfway through bō training. Ensui was kind enough to stop his attacks just long enough for her to show the deserter that she had mastered the technique. Zabuza nodded with approval, and the training started again, Hitomi trying really hard to land a blow against the clone without falling down in the process.
That evening, she had a lengthy conversation with Haku. They had both turned the page on their fling: it hadn't been serious, just something sweet to make reality and obligations stop in their tracks and put their minds at peace. They had liked kissing, hugging, and a certain emotional connection had appeared between them, but it wasn't enough to put their friendship at risk or to let go of what Lee and she were starting to build. Apparently, Haku himself had started seeing a young man from the rebellion. As long as he was happy, Hitomi was too.