Mirage
A/N: You people are all lovely! Thank you so much to all my loyal readers (especially kittylover195678 and SbM-aNgle). You guys rock!
Summary: Humanity's strongest soldier had secrets of his own. So when the woman he loved died, he turns on another for pure companionship and comfort. But a night of mistake has its consequences. Levihan.
CHAPTER ELEVEN: LIVID
The shuffling of myriad papers was the only thing that sounded in the entire laboratory.
Hange sighed as she got herself busy with all the paperworks that her procrastination had accumulated over the past 2 weeks, something that she now regretted. Documents that needed her urgent attention were piled up on her table, occupying almost all the space in the wooden desk.
The pregnancy had brought a lot of changes in her habits and lifestyle. First, with the foods she preferred to eat, and now about her work as a researcher. Before, her work is the only thing that fuelled her will to stand up each morning, but now, it seemed to be the last in her priorities; the long list was now topped by the constant need to sleep and rest. She had this tendency to doze off in the middle of browsing paperworks.
When Erwin noticed this, the generous Commander that he is had decided to decrease the number of documents sent to her and just assigned it to another squad leader, a thing that dismayed Hange. She insisted that she was fine and can still handle the work, and with her stubbornness, Erwin just sighed and nodded his head to her plea.
And now, she regretted it.
Another sigh and Hange decided to quit. She dropped the quill pen and flung her arms into the air to stretch. Placing her right hand on her lower back for support, the pregnant woman dragged herself up from the chair she sat at. She gazed around her empty lab, which was usually buzzing with all other scientists, but the room was quiet at the moment. All her men had gone out to Trost District to buy some supplies that they were already running low on.
Hange adjusted her glasses before walking towards the only window in the room, which was big enough for anyone who wanted to get a glimpse of the high, mighty sky; and the lush greeneries that led to the forest where they usually conducted trainings at. The bright sun was peeking from the clouds, and the blue hue of the sky had indicated it was just mid-afternoon.
A perfect time to take a nap.
The woman stood before the window and gazed upon the beautiful horizon, a thing she most definitely admired. Up ahead, she could see the little hills that were looming and the trees that inhabited it. With all the marvels that her eyes laid upon. The human in her realized that after all the horrors that they encounter almost everyday, the world that they live in is still a beautiful place, gifted with wonderful creations that nature boasted of.
A place where life could blossom, a beautiful place for every young one to grow up in.
She smiled to herself. Without hesitation, her hands flew to press her palms against her now rounded belly. The oversized shirt that she was wearing was tight, and she wondered if the child inside her was growing so fast because it was a little bigger for a 5 months and 2 weeks old.
She stroked it lightly, feeling the miracle against her hands.
When she was still young and naïve; and her mind just focused on being a soldier that gives glory to humanity, she had never thought this day will come – that she'll finally have a kid to call her own.
Even if the way the child was conceived is still a mistake from the looks of it, she never for a second regretted that she chose to keep it and she chose to be a mother that will accept the responsibility which was now looming behind her womanhood. The pregnancy was a hard thing to go through, too. The cravings, the backaches, the constant need to pee and sleep, her breast tenderness, the marks that are starting to mar her belly, the hormones which made her so moody and horny all the time – all these are hard to endure but she's giving it her all, for the sake of the child.
Her husband had been a great help, too. And she was profoundly thankful for everything he does for both her and their child, even if sometimes his actions seemed a little forced, she appreciated the fact that Levi never treats her harshly and gives her everything she wants. The constant banter and arguments were still there, of course. And he was still cold all the time with his snaky comments and statements, but his grumpy attitude didn't stop him from being caring and sweet when it comes to their child's welfare. His actions expressed that he was changing, even a little.
But she didn't want to think that Levi was doing all those things for her, and that the only reason why he cared deeply for her was the fact that she's having his baby and as a man, he wanted his offspring to be cared for properly. But Hange knew that had they been in a very different situation, Levi would never show such affection for her.
He was just doing his responsibility for the child, and that doesn't mean anything for her. As long as they can stay civil and casual with each other, things between them will just be fine. Well, except of course with the few stolen kisses which Levi himself initiated, which she thinks was still proper because they were married, after all. But so far, even if Hange had desperately wanted to jump on him because her hormones had been causing her to become too damn horny, nothing has happened between them. Yet.
She was holding herself back, never wanting to be intimate with him even if she can feel herself becoming more and more drawn to him. Because she knows that after a full year, if the court had agreed to dissolve their marriage, things between them needed to go back to normal. She'll move back to her own quarters; never feeling the warmth of his naked skin again, and they'll just be Levi Ackerman and Hange Zoe once more, but this time, with a child in between them.
Hange didn't want to cling unto false hopes. She didn't want to be hurt in the end.
She smiled bitterly at her thoughts as she continued to stroke her belly.
And then she felt it.
The child moved against her hands, making her gasp. She bit her lip, hesitating at first. "Hello there, my baby…." She managed to croak out, her voice a little shaky. "I promise, I'll be here. Even if it's just the two of us, Mommy will always be here for you, okay?"
The skin on her belly moved again, and a bubble of happiness seemed to burst in Hange's chest. "Ssshhh, baby… Can you hear me, my sweet pea?" It was the same sweet name that her father used to call her when she was younger. "I can't wait to meet you, but don't rush. I hope you'll grow up as healthy baby. We'll see you in a few more months… And when you grow up, I'll teach you all about Science. And the Titans too, I'll teach you all about them and tell you stories about my Titan friends. I'll imprint on you that you shall not fear them all." She gently rubbed her belly and felt the child moving against her palm.
Hange was so overjoyed that she didn't notice that hot tears started streaming down her cheeks. "I love you with all my heart, baby."
The familiar ambiance of the Headquarters enveloped Levi as the horse carriage dropped him and the Commander off. The air whistled and the two noticed that silence seemed to conquer the whole place.
The soldiers must've been enjoying a happy time since the ever intimidating Commander and infuriated Captain were gone for a few days, leaving everything to Mike, who seemed really unreliable with his usual pranks and goofiness. His growing relationship with Nanaba also added to the fact that the usual roughness in his façade was already cracking and he was becoming a little lose with his treatment to all the soldiers.
Maybe that's why the place was really quiet. The interim leader must've given the soldiers a day-off, expecting that the Commander and Levi are set to come back in two days.
Little does everyone know that the affair that Levi and Erwin had attended were just cut off for three days and they managed to come back early. Meaning, the entire Survey Corps under the supervision of Mike are so profoundly fucked.
"Hah. The idiots will surely be surprised. This is gonna be good," Levi muttered under his breath, his tone a little menacing. The vague threat in his cold voice was evident. The short man turned to the Commander. "Say, Erwin, what about we task them to clean the entire Headquarters for a day, with no break and food?"
The Commander grinned, showing off his dark, manly features. "That seemed like a very good idea but I think it's not that heavy. What if we let them run around the entire area of Wall Rose, without break?"
Levi bit his lip to hide his smirk. "Sounds good to me," He tugged his bag behind his back, then started to walk. The Commander followed him on his tracks with his suitcase in tow.
Not surprisingly, the enormous doors that led inside the castle were open, and the two could clearly see that no one was rumbling inside. Levi had his cold face plastered on, and Erwin just maintained his calm composure. They walked their ways to their own quarters in silence.
When Levi reached his own room, he nodded to the blond man, who nodded back and smiled. Levi opened the door to his room, wanting to shower and sleep the entire afternoon off to rest from their travel. But once the sight of their room tumbled before him, his grey eyes widened, then darkened. His jaw was almost ripped from his face as it dropped completely.
"WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK." He snapped, his fists clenching into balls on the either sides of his body. He slammed the door behind him and dropped his duffel bag on the dirty floor.
The entire room was a mess. Clothes were hanging in all directions. Books were littered on the floor. There was a pile of papers scattered on the bed. Unwashed plates and glasses were laid on the table. The couch was undone. Pillows had fallen on the dusty floor.
His eyes had become orbs of coal and darkened even more, and his jaws were clenched tightly. His lips was formed into a thin line, and he opened it to speak. "HANGE ZOE FUCKING ACKERMAN WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!" he yelped with as much animosity as he could muster.
Levi was so profoundly pissed. He'd only been gone for three days and Hange had already turned their room into a dumpsite, a rotten hell of trash. And to think that she had been sleeping here for nights. How the hell could she take all the mess as she sleeps?
He groaned, hard. He walked over to the bedside table and dusted its surface with his finger. There was enough dust to make him snarl with disgust. "Filthy," he muttered.
Levi ran his fingers through his dark hair, then trailed to his now pounding temples. He gritted his teeth before going straight to the cabinet where he kept all his cleaning supplies. He took off his Survey Corps jacket, then flung it neatly on a chair. His head was still taunting him as he put on that ridiculous piece of cloth to cover half of his face, which also served as a mask to prevent his nose from inhaling all the dust.
With a broom on his hand and a feather duster on another, Levi breathed deeply before proceeding to clean. Wherever his wife was, she'll surely be receiving a lengthy amount of preach about her being so filthy and disgusting.
He picked up all the books and arranged it on the desk he had set for her on the corner, then placed the pile of papers beside it. He dusted the surface of the wooden bedside table then arranged some things place above it, like Hange's combat glasses and her bookmarks. Not forgetting the windows, he scrubbed them all off with a piece of wet cloth until it shone.
It took him almost an hour to finish the cleaning, not minding his back which had started to hurt, or his already calloused fingers. Once he was done, Levi glanced around the room and was relieved that the room had returned to its original, clean, and well-maintained state, far different from what it was only about an hour ago.
He head off and took a shower, rinsing himself of the sweat and dust that had stained his clothing and skin. He let the water pour against his body and his insides were warmed up as he let the steam of the shower engulf him.
Levi walked out of the shower and towelled himself off, only wearing a black khaki pants. He left his upper body bare and naked, his abs glistening pink from the hot shower he took. Sitting down on the couch by the window, he leaned his back against the mattress and crossed his arms before his muscled chest.
He waited for Hange and prepared himself for what retribution he could think of.
Thirty minutes had passed and Levi still remained on his position. He patiently waited for Hange and almost jumped from his seat when he saw the doorknob turn, revealing the figure of his pregnant wife. She was wearing a white shirt which was tight on her belly, and a brown fitted pants that hugged her lean and muscled legs perfectly.
Levi trailed his eyes to her face, and he had noticed that the woman had an undiscernible look plastered on her, but once she caught sight of Levi, her eyes immediately lit up and smiled.
"Levi! You're here!" She beamed then closed the door behind her. "But… Aren't you supposed to come home in a few more days?"
He displayed his usual cold demeanour and narrowed his dark eyes. "You sound surprised," his voice was covered in ice. He wanted her to feel his rage. His muscles were still hurting and he was very tired from their trip. All he wanted to was rest but instead, the mess that the woman left gave him headaches.
"A little, yes. I was wondering why you're home early. You yourself said that the affair will take five days. But you're already here," Hange sat down on the bed and looked her husband straight in the eye. Levi could see that her face seemed flushed and her brown eyes were a little watery, but right now he didn't care. "So ugh, what happened at the affair? Did you and Erwin manage to do what you ought to do?
"Not your goddamned business," he hissed, then tilted his head to his side.
Hange's eyes flared up, a little hurt about Levi's suddenly rude attitude, which was very unlikely for the man he is now. "Did anything go wrong? Is there any problem about Erwin's new plans?" her voice seemed worried.
"No," he simply uttered.
"Then what is it then?" Hange stood up and crossed her arms. "What's the problem, Levi?"
He looked her straight in the eye, his irises flaming. "You," he uttered coldly. "You are the problem."
An affronted and confused look settled on her face as she continued to stare at her husband. "W-What?"
Levi wanted to stand up to confront her but he knew that his height will be a complete disadvantage at his attempt to intimidate her. He could see the confused look on her face but he just shrugged it off again. "I left this place looking like a King's royal suite, and when I got back I was greeted with the sight of a rotting dumpsite," He hissed. "How the hell can you live like that, Hange? It's like you have no more decorum left in yourself." he pressed on his words.
Hange was taken aback, feet frozen on her place. She could feel every word he uttered piercing through her chest and striking her heart in lashes. But she continued to look at Levi's anguished form, not even minding the pain.
"You are so filthy I can't even stand it," he hissed again.
Even if her emotions are a complete wreck right now, she was still Hange, after all. She was strong, stubborn and hardheaded. "So you've said multiple times over," she snapped, making sure her voice was still defiant even if she could feel herself hurting. "Well I'm sorry for all the mess I've done. I could clean, you know. I've just been finishing the paperworks that the Commander's absence left me with. I was planning to clean it after I rest from my work, because you yourself had told me that I shouldn't tire myself that much."
For a moment, it was Levi's turn to be taken aback. His lips formed into a thin line, contemplating the words that had just came out of his mouth.
Hange, noticing his silence, smiled a humourless one. "I'm deeply sorry. But don't worry, this is not gonna happen again," she started heading for the door. "I'm moving back to my own quarters, Levi." She turned the knob then slammed the door behind her, leaving Levi alone with his regrets.
True to her words, Hange moved back to her own quarters and had been staying and sleeping on it for days. She had gotten a few clothes from Levi's room and also gathered a few of her belongings back.
But much worse, she never talked to him after their fight. She tried to avoid him. Whenever he's in a room and she enters, she will quickly turn her back and leave. Whenever she's staying in a particular area and Levi goes in, she gathers her scattered things and hurriedly goes out.
During breakfast, lunch, and dinner, she stayed far away from him as possible, but she managed to speak to him a bit, not wanting Erwin, Mike and Nanaba to notice that something about them was wrong.
It was hell, having her wife so anguished at him like that.
He knew his argument was rather pointless, and he now admitted it himself that he was a little jerk and went too far, considering that he should've been careful because he didn't want to stress her out. The anger in her chest is not good for her and the baby. And his conscience is also screaming at him.
He shouldn't have done that to his wife. His actions were so childish.
In the span of a few days, he had felt her absence. She was not there when he woke up, and when he needed the heat of her skin to warm him from the coldness of the night, she wasn't there for him to cuddle. There was no more humming and singing from the bathroom, no woman that paraded and fussed inside his quarters.
He didn't want to admit, hell. But he missed her presence.
He missed her nagging and fussing around him. He missed her loudness and noise. He missed seeing her exposed belly. He missed laying his palm against her belly to feel their child moving. He missed her voice. He missed her smile.
He missed her so much it hurts.
Levi wanted to say sorry for his attitude but his pride was a high wall of bricks and he didn't want to stoop himself in that level. No. The Lance Corporal in him was really becoming like a voice telling him to let everything be and wait for her to come back.
Which was not really happening. It had been five days. And she still tried to avoid him, only sneaking in his room to get the things she needed.
Damn. What had he done?
And why the hell does he care?
He was walking along the hallways of the Headquarters with these thoughts nagging at the back of his mind. He was a mess. He'd never been in such state of confusion before. This wasn't him. This wasn't the ruthless thug who'll knife down anyone who touches him unwantedly.
She's driving him completely out of control, and he feels that she takes pleasure in doing so.
Levi ran his fingers through his coal black hair and closed his eyes before releasing a deep breath. He walked silently, his face a mask of uncertainness.
He was halfway through the third floor when he heard someone screaming. The voice was somewhat familiar and when he finally recognized the sound echoing, he immediately sprinted to the last room along the floor.
"OH MY GOD THAT'S SO FUCKING HOT!"
He kicked on the door open and as it tumbled before him, he saw his wife. "Hange, what the hell happened?! What's with all the damn noise?!"
"I spilled hot coffee on myself!" She yelped without turning to see who got to her rescue. Her face, neck, entire chest was dripping wet as it was covered with the brown liquid. Her hands were fanning her face and her tongue was stuck out as she desperately tried to cool off the hot surface. "It's so fucking hot!" slowly, she turned to her visitor.
Their eyes connected and for a moment there, both of them were speechless.
"Oh," she croaked out, her voice a little surprised. "Levi,"
Levi was still staring at her, he seemed at a loss for words.
The woman's forehead crossed. "Will you close the door behind you, Levi? I'm trying to work here." She said sternly, her face a little flushed.
Levi frowned and walked towards his stubborn wife. He pulled out the cravat which was attached to his neck. "Who the hell said I'm leaving, idiot?"
She pouted and tilted her head to her side. "I think I just did."
When he reached the woman, he sat down on the empty chair beside her. "Tch. You need to clean up," he reached his hand out with the cloth but Hange pushed his hand away.
"I can do it myself, thank you." she said coldly.
"The hell you can,"
Levi had started wiping her face with the cloth and she remained frozen on her position. Her head was still tilted to her side as Levi cleaned her up.
He noticed her blunt expression and sighed. "Look, Hange," he started, his voice a little shaky. "I'm sorry," Levi searched for her eyes. When she just kept on avoiding him, he reached his hand up and turned her face to meet his'. Her glasses were cloudy. "I know you're still mad at me for what I have said. I know I'm an asshole,"
Hange remained quiet. Her brows were furrowed.
"If you choose to stay angry with me, it's your choice. I can't blame you. What I said was completely beyond the line and I know I should never have said that. I regret saying those things to you." He hesitantly cupped her face between his huge palms.
When she still didn't say a word, Levi continued. "Move back to our quarters." His eyes seemed to stray from its usual cold look and the rage in his heart melted a little.
She sighed upon seeing – and hearing his sincerity. Unable to contain herself any longer, Hange wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him to her, resting her forehead against his. She could feel his hot breath on his face and the urge to kiss the infuriated man nagged at her but she was a little hesitant to do it. She closed her eyes and inhaled manly scent, smelling the familiar sweat, smell of woods and a little of soap. "Okay," she whispered.
Levi snorted, expecting another round of fight. "That was it?"
Hange can't help but smile at his reaction. "What, you want more?"
He tried to hide his smirk. "No,"
The woman's rounded belly was pressing against his own stomach and through the fabric of their clothing, he felt a little movement. A little kick. Levi pulled back. "What the hell was that?"
"Your child saying that he hated you for hurting his mother just like that," She grinned at him. "A small kick, just what an asshole like you deserved."
He had been noticing the reference she used for their unborn child, and everytime she mentions the kid, she always uses the pronoun 'he'. "Is it…" he was a little hesitant to ask but seeing the now curious look on Hange's face, he decided to continue. "Is it a boy?"
"I don't know, but he seems a little energetic. He moves so much and sometimes he disturbs me in my sleep. So I think maybe the child's a boy, then," She placed both her palms against her belly and started stroking it. "Do you want a boy, or a girl?"
Levi thought about it. "I don't care," he snapped. "I'll accept the child, whatever he/she is."
Hange's lips curled into a sweet smile.
He gently laid his palm above her hand then leaned in forward to her belly. For the first time, he cooed to his child. "Hello there, you brat."
A/N: The scene where Hange spills coffee on herself was inspired by the comic drinkyourfuckingmilk made a few years back. Anyway, massive thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed this little fluff! Reviews are very much welcome!