Daniel is hesitant to talk to Killua when he gets back.
When Daniel arrived home, he found himself frozen in the door frame. He kind of knew Killua was going to be there, that he'd be close to the entrances. It's not like he could completely avoid his alien friend, a possible crush now that Gon has drilled his mind for his many secrets and feelings about Killua.
Also, Killua didn't exactly have anywhere else to go besides his home. What he hadn't expected upon entering his home, however, was to find Killua leaning against the wall, eyes focused directly on him.
His throat was dry and initial thought made him short-circuit. Fuck, they're so damn hot…
Why did Gon have to make his life so difficult? To point out that the feelings he was desperately trying to ignore, were not only valid but there was a high chance of them being returned. Still… he had a lot on his plate, on his mind before he could even begin to process the situation…
The fact he was desperately trying to forget his old partner, that he was still trying to ignore that they did have some chemistry. He loved the idea of who Yannick was, it was just the Yannick that was presented to him was an ideal version of him… not who he was to his true core.
He was someone completely different, a person who was trying to act like someone he could love. Someone… he was desperate to receive affection from. The main issue is… he didn't want to love someone who was only trying to fulfil his ideal person, he wanted to love someone who was, independent…
Who was themselves…
The thing is that person existed, who was living with him right now… they were willing to be with him, even if it wasn't stated explicitly, or it was in the form of a committed relationship. The person who could even possibly return those feelings was an alien… from another planet.
He swallowed thickly from the sight before him "Hi…" The man quietly closed the door, drawing his eyes away from the alien out of fear of meeting their gaze.
"So, what did you talk about?" Killua possed the man, taking note of the way he acted. Gon had to have spoken to him about the situation they were in.
Daniel would randomly break character, kissing them on the forehead, when all of his friends would say he'd never do something so intimate with a complete, stranger… or someone he was barely getting to know.
There must be something more going on in his head, that made him act that way towards them… even they, like the idea of exploring some of the human rituals, the way they wooed and intimately explored one another, through kinks and sexual acts.
"Stuff… how he's going, the basic mundane things." The man acted indifferent. He wasn't ready to mention anything Gon had said to him, nor break and tell them their internal thoughts.
"Uh, huh…" Killua didn't believe the man for a second. He was hesitant to meet their gaze, to talk eye-to-eye with them, "Anything about me?"
"Sure… he brought up the fact you're still attractive in his eyes."
"That's it…" Killua sounded disappointed. Sure, they were open to the idea of being with Gon on an intimate level, but something about Daniel made it feel like they'd have a better chance… something about him was different to Gon, and they couldn't quite place their finger on it.
"Other things as well…"
"Things, like the idea of having sex with me…"
Daniel's frame tensed. Somehow, Killua knew they regretted those words, they regretted saying anything on the matter. Because seeing Daniel's trembling frame, and the way he struggled to turn around told them that this was a much more difficult conversation to be having right now.
"I can't…"
Killua didn't respond, only waiting for the man to continue. He was still hesitating, even when the truth was out there… that there was something between them, other than a secret they were sharing.
"I'm not ready… Please, Killua… I need to think about what Gon said to me."
"Is there nothing I could say…" Killua hesitated once more, trying to find the right words for the situation "Say to help you figure things out…"
Sucking in a breath, the man admitted with a shaky breath, "No… you're the reason I feel so conflicted."
"Okay…" So, I'm the reason he's unable to talk about his feelings for me. If I can't reach him that way… there might be another avenue "How about trying to be open about other things… like explaining what happened last night. Please… I need to know." Killua paused, thinking of the best way to word it, "Did what happened to you… was the same thing that happened in the video? When the guy thrusting pulled out, the rubber was filled with a white substance. That's what got on my shirt, didn't it…"
There was no point denying it… there was no other way to word what happened "I did…" The man was still hesitant to say it, "I ejaculated last night. This is why I need time to get all my thoughts in check. Can I at least have that, Killua…"
"Alright…" Killua sighed out of frustration. At least they got an answer, they knew what happened that night… They had made Daniel ejaculate, but the act also made him take a heavy blow to his mental state, "I won't press you any more."
"Thank you…"
It could be a while before he says anything about the matter to them. But seeing as Gon was still open, they still had a chance to explore or understand things via a different avenue "But if Gon asks for sex, I'll make sure I'm safe in the process, but I'm going to say yes if he asks. At least give me that much freedom…"
"I…" Tears fell freely, "I won't stop you. I don't have permission to stop you."
Killua hesitated, something was off about the man, mainly his reaction. He refused to look at them, to see them eye-to-eye as they stated they are free to have sex with whoever they so desired. Calling him out or stating they don't believe him might break him. But still… a part of them wanted to know why they were reacting that way, why saying they are free to do whatever, makes them unable to turn around.
Can the freedom to do whatever, hurt others…
Were there limitations they were unaware of, "Maybe I'll wait then? Get a feel of the man before committing to anything…"
"Up to you…" The man stood up straight, eyes closed as he thought about what he should say next. He can't be restricting Killua, but Gon is aware of his feelings… Killua's chances had been accidentally reduced with Gon. But they are their own, person.
If the two consent to each other, he's not going to get in either of their ways… It'll hurt considering how much he's fallen for Killua, but he's the idiot pushing Killua away. Not Gon, but, still… there was something he should be saying on the matter "I need time… give me that much."
"Can you answer me some questions at least… or try to?"
"I'll try… but please don't expect anything from me. It is a difficult topic."
Killua crossed their arms from the response, "Can you try to talk to me, not the wall at least."
Daniel chuckled in response, "Sure… I guess." Standing up straight, he turned to Killua with tear-stricken eyes. He wiped a few away, apologising for the current state of his mentality "Sorry about the mess of a state I am in…"
"I'm sorry… if I made you feel…"
"Sad? Distraught… emotional…? It's not entirely your fault. I have some things I need to sort out in my head."
"Okay…" Killua looked over their friend once, "I know I said I won't press you further, but… did it feel good to you. Hypothetically, I mean. Like from one alien species to another… did I hurt you at all."
The alien did hurt him… but not in a physical way, in more of a mental way. The thing is he's developed feelings for Killua, ones that cause him to feel severe conflict. On one hand, it's great… the other part of him feels like he's using the alien as a rebound of sorts. He doesn't want that… he wants to feel more, for them.
He wants to be in a relationship, with the one who humours the idea of being ploughed by his best friend, not realising, that knowledge of knowing so… hurts him. But it shouldn't… it shouldn't make him feel that way because they aren't in a committed relationship…
They aren't… together "I can't say…"
"Can't or won't?"
"I can't explain it… not without being too open about what I'm feeling. My confliction lies there which makes answering the question, difficult…"
"What if I reword the question based on physical needs? Did that… feel good."
"I…" Daniel bit his lip, "as I said earlier, yes. It did feel good."
"Would you… let me do more."
"That's where the confliction lies… I don't know…"
"Then, I'll wait… I won't ask Gon."
Daniel found himself looking shocked at the alien, "Why?" He quickly turned away, not wanting an answer, especially when he, himself, hasn't come to understand that his feelings for Killua could mean more… If he only just allowed himself, to be open to the idea of returning said feelings.
Not in the sense of being able to say "I love you" when neither of them had said it at any point to each other.
No, their situation was a little less complex than that… it's about desiring each other physically.
The problem is Daniel wants more than just a few one-night stands. He wants a physical connection, not to be, dined and fucked, to be left to sleep the situation off… especially alone, "Actually, don't answer that. You don't need to answer that…"
"How about this… I'll tell you why, when you figure out where your confliction lies. That's provided… you want to do more with me…" Killua pressed a palm to their cheek, "I suppose I would give you an answer if you say no too. I'm of the prospect that you not only do deserve to know, I'm not gonna force you to do anything you don't want to do…"
"So Valiskarian have a form of consent… as in, you don't usually force your partners to have sex with you."
"I do… but as a species… I'm willing to say it's very rare to come across that mindset. After all, there's a reason why we call them slaves…"
"Killua, I want an honest answer, to help me figure things out…"
"Okay… what do you want to know."
"I want to know…" Should the man be even asking this? Should he even be baring himself raw to the person he has conflicted feelings about? Also, he is revealing his mental state to the one who shouldn't be forced to carry that knowledge, "Let's say you were with someone previously… the relationship is great, mental and physical needs are met… whatever you consider being important to your species. You have a falling out, there's a conflict of interest between the two parties. However, now one who's not ready to move on… meets someone fun, feelings are mutual…"
The man grew frustrated with himself. It was so hard to explain without giving too much away "Gah, it's so hard to say without giving too much away. Killua, what would you do if you were with someone before, everything felt good until it wasn't… they broke your trust."
"So, this Yannick guy… I know you were open about your situation with him earlier. But, you felt a serious connection with him like a sense of… what would humans say."
"Belonging…"
"Alright, you felt a sense of belonging with Yannick, a disaster strikes. You want to move on, but are struggling… then I come along, I assume I'm also giving you this sense of belonging, however, you can't let go because you need time to let go of your…" Killua stopped, because all they saw, was the man just staring stunned at them.
They had perfectly summarised the issue with so little information about the entire situation. This means their internal thought was correct…
Daniel does want them. At least in one way or another…
The man forced himself to look away, "I've given away too much…"
"Well…" Killua thought about the best way to put it, given that degrading Yannick wouldn't help them at all, "I want to say Yannick is an asshole, but that seems to be doing more harm than good for you. I will wait for you to be ready, but I can't wait forever… I have needs, Daniel."
Oh, believe me… I've heard. The man's cheeks tinged from his thoughts. Why did his brain have to go there… to think about it. He's not only heard Killua, but he's also actually, masturbated to it. Damn his needs, "I know…"
"You know…?"
The man acted quickly, just in case he brought suspicion onto himself "I mean everyone has some type of need. Physical or emotional… I would be worried if you didn't have some form of need or another."
"Oh…" Killua held their chin, "that makes sense. I guess… I'll leave you to your thoughts, while I go satisfy my needs."
"Killua… you did not just tell me you were going to masturbate, after telling you I have conflicted feelings about you."
"Is there a reason why I shouldn't have said it…"
The man pouted. Yes, but now that I know, it means I need to avoid my room… which is impossible because I want to go in my room. But I'm gonna be hearing you masturbate and my mind is going to be only focused on you touching yourself, when I should be focusing on myself and what I can do to help myself get over Yannick… not the fact I want to have sex with… you… "No, we're both adults here… I'm gonna go to my room, and maybe have a massive breakdown. Try to keep the noise down."
The man left, not realising he had accidentally opened a can of worms.
Killua remained in the room, now more confused than ever "Keep the noise down…?"
Shaking their head, Killua returned to their room. Getting the things they needed to have an explorative night ready. After last night, the knowledge they obtained… they wanted to relinquish themselves to their desires… to masturbate knowing, without any effort… they were able to make a human cum from barely a touch.
They armed the smell in their head from that night, wondering what it would have felt like, the video they watched last night… to have a penis throbbing inside of their Acronis. Was it like mini tremours… a vibration of sorts going off inside of them?
What about the disgusting, yet familiar smell… is it something they'll need to wash out, or during the peak of ejaculation, it smells completely different when spurted inside of someone.
Holding the dildo, they could only fantasise about the feeling, the smell… the act of being filled, not only by the liquid… the intrusion of an actual penis entering them.
"~"
Two weeks had passed since their conversation, since listening to Killua that night. He couldn't help himself, once he had known, once he heard Killua's initial moan… he repeated his transgressions that night.
Now that time had passed… he had time to think further about the conversation they had, not only between himself and Gon but, Killua too? Can he really, open himself to the idea… to let his thoughts and restriction run freely? Was he willing to explore Killua's body completely, without stopping once…
Even though he couldn't for the life of him, get over his feelings for the other so soon, there was no denying it… he needed to spend a night with Killua. Sure, there were some major repercussions to acting so soon, to putting himself in a state where he'd been experimenting with Killua…
But the fact is he desperately wanted it… he wanted at least one night with Killua. And if he was completely honest with himself, he wanted to suck the alien's Acronis for the sake of knowledge… or would it be lust, considering his circumstances?
The knowledge of discovering his feelings on the matter took a hit to his mental state.
He had been tired, sometimes lacking in the enthusiasm he once had on any given day. It was even eating into his time at work.
Killua wasn't the only one picking up on his current mood, others at work were also worried about him. He'd always say his fine as a response, but he was far from fine. He was, in fact, lusting not only after Killua's body, but he was also desperate for some form of connection… at least physically.
The fact was after Killua made him cum, he'd have dreams about the situation. Could Killua give an alien blowjob…? Well… could he give Killua a blowjob? How would sex work? Is it even safe to do so…
What if Killua's cum actually, acts like an aphrodisiac to humans?
Would he nut before he could thrust into Killua…
Hell, is it even safe to shoot jizz into Killua's gullet?
Fuck, he had so many damn sexual questions he wanted physical proof too…
He even had a wet dream at least once at night. He jizzed to the point it woke him up from his deep slumber.
He needed physical answers… he couldn't put it off any longer, or he'll be driven mad by his thoughts alone.
It was close to night, a time when he should be asleep… but he was instead laying on his bed, thinking about everything that he needed to talk about with Killua. He considered everything, the possibility of everything going wrong… Even for a few days, he stopped taking his medication so he could get his emotions to fall in line with his needs.
He was going to tell Killua the truth…
Even, if it's the last thing he does…