Mirage
A/N: Took me a long while to update but I don't want you guys to assume that I have abandoned this story (as I've done with my other fics), but I've already invested my heart and soul to the Levihan ship. So no matter what happens, I'll try to finish this.
Summary: Humanity's strongest soldier had secrets of his own. So when the woman he loved died, he turns on another for pure companionship and comfort. But a night of mistake has its consequences. Levihan.
CHAPTER NINETEEN: PROMISE
The people of Trost had nothing but hatred in their eyes as the main force of the Survey Corps, now two hundred less than there were two days ago, paraded through the district. A dark expression was settled on the blonde Commander's face, the gloomy and fear-stricken eyes of the soldiers who were following him conveyed nothing but the fact that the recent expedition was yet another failure.
Murmurs of disappointment echoed, dissatisfied citizens shook their heads with utmost disgust. Unaccounted blood was once again spilled and countless lives were risked. But with all the endeavours exerted by the soldiers, they have yet to set up another base outside the walls and are still very much away from their main goal – Zshiganshina District.
With his green cape stained by the blood of now deceased comrades, Levi walked ahead, not even attempting to turn his head to see the repugnance and loathing so obviously mirrored in the people's eyes. Tugging his horse beside him, the stoic Lance Corporal forced a calm expression to alleviate the anger now building in his chest.
"Looks like our taxes were once again wasted on fattening those pathetic bastards. What now?" One man uttered with detestation before crossing his arms before him and clicking his tongue.
That seemed to pull the trigger. Levi clenched both his fists and narrowed his cold, smoky grey eyes to the man, who looked completely unfazed by the sudden glare he sent his way. He stopped on his tracks, fire igniting in his chest and his blood boiling with fury.
It could have happened, he could've had the satisfaction of beating the hell out of the ignorant man and releasing the tension in his body – the grief of losing the few precious soldiers mankind depended on; but the Commander stopped him. "Levi," he uttered, uncertainty hinted in his usually calm voice.
His tone caused Levi to look over his shoulder and eye the blonde man. Nothing came out of their mouths, both just feeling each other's heated gazes. The whole force of the Survey Corps halted on their parade and waited for the actions of the Commander and the infuriated Captain, tension now filling the whole place.
A brief moment passed and Erwin shook his head, motioning for Levi to just move along and completely flout his fury. Fortunately for the ignorant man, logic won over Levi and he chose not to cause a ruckus in that breezy afternoon, not when he'd just lost a few of his men, not when hope is the only thing that they can cling unto now and everyone is completely distressed with the losses inflicted upon by the Titans.
Entrusting his horse to another soldier, Levi got up the supply wagon that's been carrying Mike's injured body. He was laying against Nanaba's lap with his bloodied green cape draped over him, his eyes half-closed as he breathed heavily.
He sat beside his brawny friend, pulled the cape up and eyed his injury. Mike's gear had a malfunction and was almost eaten had Levi not been there to slay the Titan anticipating the brawny man for an afternoon snack. The metal rope caused Mike's body to be twisted along a tree trunk, and the fall caused him to break his arm and ribs.
Mike slowly opened his eyes, releasing a groan as pain shot straight to his ribs. "Thought I was gonna die back there…" he declared. Nanaba forced his body down as Mike struggled to get up. "I owe you one, midget."
"The hell you do, I saved your ass. What the hell were you doing plummeting into the air like that anyway?" Levi stated, his voice a little cold but his eyes showed another. Mike is one of the first people he met in the Survey Corps, when he and Erwin were chasing him underground, and he couldn't deny the fact that he was one of the best soldiers he knew and continues to demonstrate such abilities up until now. It took time for them to get along together as he was really a man who found it hard to socialize, but Mike slowly warped into him, their shared predilection for fighting somehow drew them closer. "You are a complete idiot, Mike."
Mike gave out a chuckle and hissed again as he felt the same pain in his rib. "And you're an asshole." He managed to croak out before rolling his head back into Nanaba's lap, sounding a soft thud.
Nanaba on the other hand, had a worried look on her petite, pale face and her body was curled up against Mike's protectively. Her cheeks were marred with the path that her tears previously trailed. As Levi had observed, their smitten relationship had turned into an intimate one; they may never tell it but everyone in the Corps knew that the two are inlove with each other. Earlier, when she saw Mike's frail body being dragged by Levi, horror flashed in her irises and she immediately scurried over to them to know what happened to her man.
They fell silent. Levi just leaned his back against the hard wood and stared deep into the crimson sky, the color of blood mixing with a purple tint. Pink clouds hovered above as they filtered the last few rays of the sun before it sets.
He thought about what he almost did earlier, an action so impulsive he never knew he was capable of actually pursuing it. Ignoring what people say about him, not giving a damn about what's happening as long as he is living his own life – that used to be the person that he was. Levi hardly lost it, he always maintained the same usual cold demeanour that he was infamous for, but why was he so adamant about beating the hell out the ignorant man who was treating the soldiers like they were meats sent as bait to the Titans?
His blood boiled at the thought. He hated seeing lives being wasted. But he had never, ever attempted to pour his grief into the people they're supposed to be protecting, not unless it was purely intentional or all for show, like what he did to Eren during his trial. Had being married and his impending fatherhood changed him that much? Or was it love?
Levi shrugged before reaching his hand out to pull the knife that's been tucked into his boot. He grasped it tightly and brought the blade before his face, the knife shone against the light. Looking straight into the blade, Levi saw the contours of his face irregularly mirrored on its sharp plane. The piercing façade was still present in his icy irises but he had noticed that his eyes had softened a bit.
He hardly knew the man he saw in his reflection.
They have managed to exit the gates of Trost District and are now trailing the interior of Wall Rose, the path lined by the lush greeneries and abundant trees. Passing by small villages, they reached the Headquarters once darkness finally claimed the skies.
Levi went down the pull wagon and when his feet touched the ground, he felt wobbly as the minor injury he had attained earlier somehow managed to shot its effect back. His right calf was strained, perpetrated by the wrong move he instigated as he jumped from a distance and landed on the Titan's neck. He turned back to see that the other soldiers from Mike's squad were now carrying the brawny man for immediate treatment, his face looked so pale and pained that Levi tilted his head to avoid it.
To his surprise, his eyes immediately caught sight of his heavily pregnant wife, standing just beyond the gates. Hange's face looked so horrified and worried as she followed her gaze to the soldiers carrying Mike's body. Her hand flew to cover her mouth.
He walked straight to her, dragging his right feet as he did so. Once he neared Hange he clearly saw her eyes glowing with the tears she'd been holding back from falling. Mike was Hange's friend too, and she'd known him longer than Levi. However, it was not her nature to cry over an injured comrade, no matter how close they were, so Levi just figured that her pregnancy caused her to be emotional.
"Hey," he said, his voice low as he tapped his wife's back. "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be resting inside. Seeing these things will stress you out."
"It's not like I haven't experienced this post expedition trauma before," Hange gently turned her back and faced her husband, noticing the gloomy and exhausted look on his face. The expedition must've been hell, she thought. She bit her bottom lip before replying. "What happened to Mike?"
Levi's forehead crossed, remembering the sight of Mike's body twisted against a tree. "His gear malfunctioned, he fell and broke his arm and ribs. If I hadn't been there he'd be Titan food right now."
"I hope he's going to be fine, that injury must've been pretty bad for someone like Mike to be blown up like that. Broken arms and ribs, those are crucial parts of the anatomy that are the most likely to be injured in a battle with the Titans, but the hardest ones to heal," she mumbled in that voice of hers whenever something scientific is the topic. "And…. We just can't afford to lose him."
"That Titan-sized bastard will be fine, I'm sure. If he doesn't recover from that shitty minor injury then I'll be the one to kill him myself," Levi gritted his teeth before turning back. He started walking, dragging his limp leg. He can feel his muscles quivering with every step but he continued.
Hange billowed behind him and followed him on his tracks. They got inside the castle, which was now filled with grieving people. Some were sitting in a corner crying, others were mostly trying to put on a brave face but they were miserably failing. She noticed that very few people had made it back, but she shouldn't be surprised anymore because as a member of the Survey Corps, death is inevitable. No choice for an irrevocable fate which only leads to surviving or death.
Seeing the slight injury on Levi's leg bothered her, too. It was not in his nature to be injured like that, or rather, he tried to shrug off his pain so people around won't notice and cause a fuss. He hated when people fawned all over him like that, and normally he just preferred to tend to his wounds on his own.
They reached their quarters in the slowest pace that the two of both them had ever walked, Levi slowed down a little because of his leg and Hange just found it really hard to walk because of her heavy belly. The dark-haired man turned the knob to their room and let the woman in first.
Hange slowly trotted her way inside, took off her sweater and dropped it on the floor. She heard Levi clicking his tongue at the action and she threw him an apologetic smile in an attempt to lift his irritation. Flinging the pillows aside, she sat on the edge of the bed and eyed her husband whose eyes were half-closed as he leaned his back against the door. Exhaustion was evident all over his figure.
"Levi," she voiced. When she saw him crack his eyes open, Hange sincerely smiled at the man. "Come over here." She patted her lap and motioned for him to scoot over. She wanted to ease whatever it was that's been troubling him, because setting aside the fatigued look on his face, she saw a hint of sorrow in his stance.
Levi raised a brow, bit his lower lip before obliging to his wife's request. The sweet smile plastered on her mouth somehow lifted off the all the confusions he had at the moment. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, her rounded belly swollen as she continuously tapped her lap, her brown hair was in complete disarray and the glasses she was wearing was dangling on the tip of her nose, minutes away from falling off. She looked like a mess but Levi swore he'd never seen her more beautiful.
He sat on the floor before the bed and pressed his head against the woman's lap, the action producing a slight thud. He closed his eyes as he buried himself further to seek her warmth, and their current position seemed to comfort him, knowing that she was there, safe and far away from the horrors outside the walls. But he knew eventually she had to go back to undertaking missions and that fact frightened him a bit.
He didn't want to lose her.
Hange just smiled to herself as her hand made its way to trail her fingers against Levi's black hair. Levi was just like a small child, she thought. Not that he wasn't really small, she was a head taller than him and was always made fun of behind his back because of his height. But there is this look from his face, despite the usual cold appearance, and it seemed to tell her that the man was awakened early into this cruel world and his innocence was mercilessly stripped away from his childhood.
But right now as she continuously treaded her fingers on his head, she needed no words to realize that the mission was a complete failure and a lot of lives were once again taken remorselessly. She bit her lower lip. "How many was it this time?" she asked, not expecting the man to reply.
"Quite too many to mention," his voice was muffled as he spoke. He lost a few of his men in this expedition and their bodies didn't even make it inside the walls. He regretted it but what is there to do? The count of dead bodies outnumbered those of the supply carts and they had no other choice but to leave them so they could escape. "The Survey Corps is nothing but scum."
Hange fell quiet, the reality of his words hit her hard. They've been engaging in so many expeditions outside the walls for years, but with all those lives lost, they never even managed to achieve what they've been searching for all along. Every mission was just a mere suicidal act. "Defeat is the only thing we've ever known, Levi. But you managed to come back. You're here with me. They didn't die in vain, because the fact that the Corps still came home means that we're not done fighting. One day, we'll atone for their deaths."
He allowed her words to sink on his mind, knowing that she was right. As long as the Survey Corps is still standing, they will continue to fight and defend humanity against the Titans – even if being a soldier is synonymous with the word death. Levi looked up to meet her eyes, her beautiful hazel brown eyes, and he stared deep into them.
She lowered her gaze upon him, taking in the smoky grey eyes she adored so much. "Just promise me one thing, Levi,"
His forehead crossed. "What is it?"
"Don't you dare die on me. Don't you dare die on us," Hange avoided his gaze and instead looked down to her rounded belly – their Twins. The two miracles they conceived as a mistake, but now she's starting to realize that the night wasn't a mistake after all, because if it wasn't for them, she wouldn't have known how wonderful it is to become a mother.
And if all these didn't happen, she wouldn't have found peace in her heart. She wouldn't have fallen inlove with the man before her now. "Promise me," she uttered before looking up to meet his gaze again. Hange reluctantly cupped his face between her palms.
"I promise," He pressed on his words, but he knew it was a lie. Death is something no one can avoid, not even him, the man deemed as the strongest soldier alive who can slay Titans without abandon. But he found it within his heart to reassure the woman that no matter what happens, he'll be there for her and their children, not because it was a responsibility he couldn't avoid, but because he had finally arrived to the conclusion that he loved them. He may never say it out loud, but he loved his family so much. He lost his own once, in the presence of her now deceased mother, but he's determined not to lose the one he has right now.
Levi grasped one of her hands cupping his cheeks and hesitantly pressed a soft kiss on her palm. Then without hesitation, he rolled up the woman's oversized shirt and exposed her swollen belly. Placing his hand above Hange's mound, he felt the little flutter against her skin.
He looked up and saw Hange grinning down at him, also feeling the movement of their twins inside her. They've been moving so frequently and she can feel them pressing against her bladder, forcing her to pee all the time. But she didn't care. With every movement, every kick, her breath hitches and her world stops. She had every knowledge about pregnancy and what's going on inside her body but she never quite knew it would feel like this.
As Levi continuously stroked her belly, a silly thing popped into her mind, one that Levi may find ridiculous, but she decided to ask him nonetheless. "Why don't you talk to them?" she said, a playful smile now curling on her lips.
He crossed his forehead at her words, thinking that hell, it was a ludicrous idea and the woman he loved sure is nuts. "That's stupid, they won't understand a thing I'll say. And it's weird talking to your ugly belly." He noted, noticing the stretchmarks marred on her skin.
She chose to ignore it as she is very much aware of the fact that her skin had the marks, and besides, she was used to Levi's teasing. "Come on, I do it all the time. I have this theory that if you keep talking to the babies while they're still in the womb, they will recognize your voice and will immediately warm up to you once they are born."
Levi glared at her. "You're crazy, Shitty Glasses. That's such a bullshit thing to do." He clicked his tongue, but he continuously stroked her belly. He had suddenly noticed that the movement beneath his hand stopped and he frowned at the thought.
"If you're unsure about how to start, then you should watch me first." Hange beamed at him before looking down to her belly. "Hello munchkins, it's Mommy… I can't wait to meet you, but take your time in there okay? Your Daddy and I love you two so much, we're so excited to have you." She bit her lip.
He blinked at her words, clearly surprised but he dismissed the thought off as Hange mischievously grinned down at him. A brief moment passed and before Levi could even note about how ridiculous this whole thing was, he felt the movement again, and it was much urgent this time. He twitched his lips. "What the hell was that?"
"That seemed to be their reply whenever I try to communicate with them. They can hear our voices, Levi."
Levi had done the cooing to their children before, but it was mostly indirect, as he just kept on saying those things to Hange and not exactly to their babies instead. He had tried to say hi once but he never repeated it. Slowly, he leaned forward, his leg injury and the pain of the failed expedition now forgotten as he continues to sit on the ground. "Hello there, brats. You must know that I'm only doing this because your shitty mother had forced me do so. Your mother is so stubborn so I wouldn't want you two to get that attitude from her."
Hange glared at him, nudging his shoulder. "Hey, that's rude."
Levi ignored her. "I promise once your mother gives birth to you two, I'll be by her side." He smirked at her before finally rolling down her shirt. He stood up and groaned when the sudden pain shot straight to his calf again.
He had told her that once, he promised he'd be there when she gives birth to their twins, which would take place weeks from now. She's nearing her ninth month.
Upon noticing the wince of pain that Levi did, worry crept on Hange's features. "How's the leg doing?"
Levi sat down beside her on the bed. He took off his boots, rolled his pants up to expose his swollen calf. "Painful as hell. But it's nothing compared to Mike's."
Hange sighed, remembering their dear brawny friend who isn't exactly invincible as they previously thought so. She also wondered how Nanaba was going through this, but she could tell that the petite blonde woman is surely by his side. "I hope he'll be fine."
"He will be." He simply uttered, not wanting to expound the discussion about Mike any longer, but he wouldn't deny the fact that he was also worried about the man. He changed the topic. "What have you been doing this entire afternoon anyway?"
She had to look up from that. Apparently, she'd been lazying the afternoon again, but instead of reading books like she usually did, she spent her time trying to think of names for their twins. She came up with a lot of boys' names but unfortunately, her list for girls was zip. "I was… Thinking of names for our children," she admitted wryly.
Levi raised a brow. Somehow, he hadn't exactly thought about their names, so thanks to Hange's sharp mind for having the initiative to do so. He's willing to let it up to her, and whatever she chooses he hardly cared at all. "What have you come up with so far?"
Hange gritted her teeth, recalling the ones that topped her list. She adjusted her glasses before speaking. "I was thinking maybe we could name our twins after our fallen comrades but I know you wouldn't approve, and it would be painful anyway. So well I'd thought of so many names; Sebastian, Lucas, Raven, Gabriel, Eugene, Stephen, Theo, and Ciel, which I really liked. I sucked at girls names so maybe you have any suggestions?"
He remained quiet. He didn't know so many names, but he knew one – the name he'd always loved and admired. "Kuchel,"
She stared at him. "That's a beautiful name," Hange noticed the sudden melancholic look on his face. "Where'd you get that?"
"My mother's." He muttered under his breath.
"Kuchel and Ciel it is, then." She wanted to further question him about his mother, whom he only brought up now. But she saw the pain in his irises and decided not to press him. Maybe now is not that time, she'll sure catch another chance. "B-But… What if they're twin girls or twin boys?"
"You call it,"
"Okay. Well, I've been also thinking about the name Scathach for a girl. I've read this story once, apparently from the myths of the old world, she's a goddess and a really good fighter even men feared her." She breathed. "Scathach and Kuchel for twin girls. And for boys… Hmm. I have my heart set upon Ciel and Theo."
"They've also got a backstory like your Scathach?" he teased.
"Not exactly a backstory, but a meaning. Ciel means 'sky' in an old language, and I know how we both love looking at the skies. Theo means 'god'. It also means charming and strong." She beamed at him.
Levi wondered how the hell she managed to gather all those names and their meanings but well, he shouldn't be surprised. This is Hange he married, after all. The woman is like a walking book, she'd got all the knowledge – some are shitty and weird, but others were exactly very interesting and helpful. Like in this situation.
He twitched his lips before pouting. "I'll go with whatever you want, just don't name them after your Titan pets." Levi sighed. "That would've been filthy."
Hange just laughed, her voice echoing around the room. At the sight of the woman he love so much, Levi just smiled.
A/N: I have already decided about their babies' genders but after writing this chapter I suddenly got confused. Oh well. We'll see in the next chapter. Hope you liked this one!