Chapter 8: Dreams and Darkness

-x-x-x-

"Cold, as you turn off the lights,

And memories start floating around.

You're doubting yourself,

And you're tired of not being strong."

Michael Schulte – You'll Be Okay.

-x-x-x-

Lexi's eyes were burning.

She hadn't managed to sleep since she'd heard the news the night before. Her brother Adam had been in an accident while he was out hiking, falling down the side of a steep cliff. Her father had been working a shift at the hospital when the rescue team brought him in for emergency care.

Adam was in a coma.

Bella had only left around midday when Alexis had asked to be left alone, needing some time to reflect on everything on her own. So, she laid in bed, staring at a random spec of dust on her wall.

She was still wearing the clothes that she'd worn the day before, unable to bring herself to even move, let alone change into anything different. It felt as though her bones were fragile, like even a flinch would cause them to crumble into dust; to blow away in the wind.

Alexis had seen these kinds of things reported on the news constantly, people being found in terrible situations and left crippled or unable to wake up. But for some reason she had never expected it to happen to them, she'd never expected anything to happen to Adam. He was always so careful and capable, she couldn't understand how he'd managed to fall.

Every time she'd seen him throughout their lives, he'd always been happy, smiling, laughing; probably pulling some sort of elaborate prank on one of his closest friends. She couldn't even imagine what he could possibly look like at that moment, too afraid to go to the hospital and see him.

He was still alive, and for that they were all thankful, but Lexi could still hear her mother crying in the other room; she hadn't stopped.

Lexi's own tears had stopped two hours previously, leaving her feeling numb to everything around her. The pain that she had felt the day before, however, had tripled. It made breathing almost unbearable, as though she would never truly breathe again until her brother opened his eyes, until she knew for certain that he would be alright.

Every time she blinked, she saw flashing images of a cliff's edge and the dirt shifting as a body tumbled down; something she hoped that her brother hadn't had to experience too much of. In a way, she hoped that he'd been conscious enough during the fall, that he'd only been out for a short amount of time. Maybe that was better?

"Lex?" Her father's soft voice flowed into her bedroom. "How are you holding up?"

She couldn't bring herself to speak, her throat felt like there were a hundred tiny shards of glass tearing through it, leaving her unable to make the slightest noise.

"I suppose that's a stupid question." He sighed, settling down on the mattress beside her. "I told you that Adam was a fighter once before, I still believe that, Lex. He'll wake up in no time."

A single tear escaped her eyes at his words as she finally made a move and turned towards him. "You…" She croaked, trying to find a way to speak. "You don't know that."

Oliver Hanson looked like a broken man. His words had held such hope, but his eyes showed no hint that he actually believed any of them. But that was his job as a doctor, as a father, as a husband, to hope for the best for not only his son but for a patient at the hospital he worked at. He had to pretend to be strong for now, because there was no possible force on that planet that could force Lexi or her mother to be the strong ones during that time.

"I know that I just have to believe that right now." His voice broke slightly at the end. "It's the only way I'm going to get through this."

Alexis closed her eyes again as Pepper slowly made her way into the room and onto the bed, snuggling her face into the redhead's. Looking down, she could see the sadness in her dog's eyes. There was no way that she could actually understand what was going on, but she knew that her owner was upset, and that's all Lexi needed.

"I think I just need to be alone right now, dad." Lex whispered, words barely audible.

Her father simply nodded, patting her gently on the shoulder before heading downstairs to get ready to go to the hospital.

Conjuring up the energy to move over to the chair by her window, she hoped that nature would have the same effect it usually did; since it usually managed to bring her back to life in times of hardship. But today it felt as though the Earth was still.

The trees behind the house didn't shift in the wind like they usually did, the air completely still outside. Her own breathing and her mother's sobs were the only noises she could hear, the streets empty of movement.

Taking a steady breath, she wished for everything to slow down, for time to come to a standstill and give her more time to deal with the current situation. If time would just stop around Adam, maybe by the time it started back up again he'd be able to wake up.

Pepper slowly licked at her hand as she stared at nothing, contemplating the idea of finally going to sleep. Truth be told, she was exhausted. She needed to try and get some rest, but she didn't think that she could. The idea of having nightmares during a time like this just wasn't what she needed. What she needed was some peace, not peace in the sense that she needed everyone and everything to be silent. She needed to feel at peace, to feel as though everything was going to be alright; something she hadn't managed since two days prior.

Curling up in her chair, she closed her eyes and hoped that some form of slumber would take her quickly and wished the nightmares would stay at bay for just one more day.

-x-x-x-

"Adam?"

All around her was darkness, filled with grey swirling smoke that curled around her ankles in tiny wisps. The fog made it hard for her to distinguish exactly who it was in front of her, but she was almost certain that she was looking at her brother's back.

Watching as the tall man turned around, she wasn't disappointed. It was him, and he was okay.

"Lexi-bear." He smiled, his eyes filled with the humour she was so accustomed to. "You know mum and dad won't be happy that you've come out here, right?"

"Well it's not fair." A small voice whined.

Alexis' head jerked to see where the voice came from. Standing behind her, she saw the younger version of herself; thus realising that what she was seeing was in fact a memory. Not just any memory, but her favourite memory with her old brother.

"Nobody said that parents have to be fair, Lex." Adam chuckled as her younger self ran up to him.

It was only then that she noticed how young he looked, of course he had been 16 at the time, she was only 13.

"I should be allowed to come out late too, though." She argued, pouting at the thought of her parents back home refusing to let her have the same freedoms as her brother. "It's not like I'm a toddler."

Adam simply placed his arm around her shoulder, tucking her into his side on the bench next to him. They sat on one of the large hills in Phoenix; the sand brushing over their feet as the wind blew soft gusts over the land. It was, by all means, a beautiful setting.

"I like when it's night time here, it feels colder. It reminds me of home."

Her older brother scanned her face with sadness. "This is our home now, Lex. It isn't so bad, right?" He smiled brightly to try and cheer up his little sister as he realised the homesickness settling into her bones. "If you just give it another ten minutes you'll understand why I come out here every night."

"Do you miss Ireland?" The young girl asked, looking up to her brother. "I know you've made friends here, but don't you miss everyone back home?"

He stayed silent for a few moments, contemplating the best answer that he could give. He didn't want to upset her, the idea of such things causing a pang of guilt in his heart. "Of course I do… But this is life, people move and they have to make do with what they have."

Alexis stood and watched as her younger self shuffled her feet on the ground, her eyes glued to them.

"Do you not love Bella?" Adam asked suddenly, catching her attention again. "Are you saying that you would like to leave her behind and never see her again?"

"No… I guess not. I just wish that there was a way I could have both."

His eyes shifted to the sky, face smoothing out into content. "Well, I would say that now is the time to make that wish, Lex."

Tears threatened to spill as Alexis watched the scene before her, remembering every last detail of the memory she'd treasured so much. Her younger self followed her brother's gaze and gasped at the site above. "Wow, there are so many stars!"

And there were. The sky seemed to fill with the bright twinkling balls of energy every night in Phoenix as long as you were standing in the right place. Clouds were almost non-existent that night, revealing the most beautiful night that she'd recall for years to come. She had started to sneak out every night with her brother so that they could talk about their problems, their hopes and dreams. It was her favourite thing about living in Phoenix.

Even if her brother was busy, she would sit there every night, hoping that he was having the best time wherever he was.

"Everything is going to be alright." Adam assured her as she leaned into his side. "I promise."

Sniffling into her sleeve, Alexis wiped her face of the tears that had managed to fall. The grey smoke abruptly returned, enveloping her back into darkness before she stood alone once more. She panicked, turning around in circles as she called for her brother over and over again.

"Lex?" She heard from behind her.

Spinning around, she saw him again. Adam stood there, dressed much like how he was when she'd last seen him; with cuts on his face and bruises on his knees. His hiking attire was ripped in places, covered with dust and dirt, as though he'd just taken a tumble. He looked dishevelled, worried even.

"Lex? What are you doing here?" Her brother asked, voice laced with fear at the sight of her. "You shouldn't be here, you have to go. How is this even possible?"

"What's wrong?" She cried, tears falling faster than she could control, scanning his body to see what she could determine from what she saw. "Are you okay? What is this? I don't understand."

"I'm trying my best to get back to you, Lex. I swear." Looking over his shoulder, he swiftly grasped her shoulders in his palms. "I'm going to be home really soon, okay?"

Alexis struggled to speak, shaking her head in confusion at his words. "I don't understand, I heard that you're in a coma… I can't do this, Adam. I'm not strong enough to make it without you if you don't wake up."

His eyebrows scrunched together, glaring at her as though she was insane. "I'm going to wake up. And you're stronger than you think, Lexi-bear." With one quick hug, he released her, backing away from her and back into the darkness. "I'll see you soon, okay? I promise!"

The smoke whirled around her again, making it impossible to see where Adam ran off to, her voice hoarse as she screamed out for him to come back.

But he wasn't responding this time; not in memory, not in any form.

Her breathing became more laboured as the seconds ticked by, not knowing what to do next. She was panicking, struggling to look at her surroundings and pick a direction to turn.

"Lex?" She heard a new voice softly say from behind her.

Her head turned to lock eyes with a pair of golden ones.

"Lex…" He whispered.

In her delirious state, all she could do was throw herself into his arms, wrapping her own arms around him as she cried into his neck. As she did so, the panic began to dwindle, until it was merely a tiny flame that flickered in the depths of her stomach. Then all at once, it was gone; replaced by the ever so familiar calm that came with the presence of Jasper Hale.

She could breathe again.

"Don't let me go…" Lexi whimpered as the smoke surrounded the pair of them.

-x-x-x-

The faint feeling of the tiny little dog tugging at the fabric of her jeans brought Alexis back to reality, waking her gently from the strange dream she'd been so immersed in.

It was dark outside now, the stars shining brightly in the sky as though it were any other day; though to most she supposed that's exactly what it was.

Glancing over at her clock, she read that it was now 8pm and was thankful for being able to sleep through most of the evening.

Thinking back to her dream, Lexi tried to make sense of everything she had seen. When she had seen her dishevelled looking older brother, was that her mind creating what it knew she wanted to see? Did her subconscious actively try to give her peace of mind and let her believe that he would wake up soon and return home? She couldn't be certain.

Then there was Jasper, the boy she'd seen so many times before in her dreams without realising. Why did he show up this time?

Hearing the soft cries from the next room, she knew that her mother still hadn't managed to get any sleep yet. But the sobs had dulled to soft sniffles, they weren't as harsh or as pained anymore; she was starting to finally calm down.

Looking down at the little speckled dog in her arms, she motioned towards her bedroom door, knowing exactly what her mother needed right now.

"C'mon, Pep." Alexis whispered, slowly rising from her chair and heading towards the hallway. "I'm not the one who needs you…"

Walking the few steps to open the door to her parent's bedroom, she took in the sight of her mother curled up in the middle of the bed. Maeve was facing away from the door, away from not only her daughter but anyone else who may try to come and see how she's doing.

Pepper hopped up onto the mattress, climbing over the weeping woman until she was in her arms. Lexi watched her mother's back tense, knowing that she was clinging to the dog for dear life; trying to ground herself and come back to reality.

"Lex?" She heard her father whisper from the top of the stairs.

Seeing him motion for her to follow him to the living room, she quietly shut the door and kept her footing light to not disturb her mum any further.

"What is it?" The redhead asked, wrapping her arms around herself with the fear that if she didn't she would fall apart. "Has there been any news? Has he gotten worse?"

"No, no, nothing has changed." He replied with a sigh, collapsing down onto the couch, his shoulders slumped and his head hanging low. "They let me leave work early, I wasn't much use today so I was only in for about half an hour. His vitals are stable and he seems in better shape than a lot of coma patients they've had there before."

"I guess that's a good thing, right?"

Running a hand down his face, he looked more drained than she'd ever seen him before. "Technically, yes. You know, I tell so many families not to worry about their loved ones in the hospital… I'm only just now realising how much of an impossible task that is. They must find me so cruel."

Shrugging her shoulders, Lex shook her head in disagreement with her father. "I don't think so. What are you expected to say in times like this? There isn't much more anyone can do in this situation, dad."

"Yes, I suppose you're right… How are you holding up? You seem a little better than this morning."

"I'm about as good as I can be." She whispered in return, the images from her dream flashing through her mind briefly. "I'm trying really hard to believe that he'll be okay. I really am trying."

Silence stretched for a moment between the two when she sat down by his side, neither one knowing how to handle what they were each going through.

"Bella came by a few times throughout the day." Her father informed her, searching through the papers on the coffee table for something. "I think she's going a bit mad not knowing how you're doing."

"I'll have to give her a call soon." Lex looked through the window from where she sat, seeing her friend's house across the street. "Either that or she'll be round again soon I imagine."

Finally finding the small piece of paper he was looking for, he righted the glasses on his nose. "You also got a call from a couple of Dr Cullen's kids. Jasper and Alice, I believe their names were. It's pretty nice of them to check on you, you might want to let them know you're doing alright."

Lexi wondered how they had gotten her home number, puzzled until she noticed her mobile amongst the piles of documents. She was surprised they would take the time to reach out to her, having only spoken to the pair a handful of times; they must be much better people than the other students seemed to think they were.

"What do you want to do about school tomorrow?" Her father asked, placing the tiny paper slip in the bin beside him. "If you need to take the week off I understand, I'm sure that the school will too."

"No. I need to try and take my mind off of all this… And I think school is the best place to do that. If I stay here then I'll just keep thinking about it all."

Searching her eyes for any sign that she was being less than honest about what she wanted, Oliver eventually nodded in agreement. "Alright, as long as you're sure. I think I'll be taking a few days off work to try and help your mother with anything. She's still not doing too great."

"I saw…" Lex trailed off, eyes now focused on the stairs. "I don't think I've ever seen her like this before. She's always been so certain that everything will work out for us all."

"Well, she's never gotten news like this before, Lex. She'll be better once we hear that he's woken up."

Alexis chose not to question her father's optimism. She knew he wasn't positive that Adam would wake up, that it was just wishful thinking at this point, but that was what they all needed to do for now. He was in denial, they all were, that her brother could ever be permanently gone.

"Do you mind taking me to see him for a little bit tomorrow before school? I'll just feel bad all day for not visiting him otherwise." She could only picture what he must look like, and she hoped that seeing him would push the worst case scenarios from her mind.

"Of course I can. We'll head out first thing in the morning and then I'll drop you off at school afterwards."

A hesitant knock at the door shattered the short silence between them.

"I've got a hunch that might be Bella." Her dad smiled softly, standing and heading towards the kitchen. "I'm going to go make some tea for the two of you, try and convince your mom to have something too."

As Alexis neared the front door, she could already see the brunette pacing back and forth on the porch. She was thankful for having her best friend here, especially one that was so intensely loyal.

The door hadn't been open for two seconds before Bella's arms wrapped around Lexi in a firm embrace. "Oh my God, Lex, I was so worried."

The redhead gripped on tightly to the girl, burying her face into her best friend's shoulder. "I just don't know what to do with myself, Bella."

"Let's just go upstairs and talk for now, okay?"

-x-x-x-

The two girls sat side by side on Alexis' bed as the redhead explained the dream she'd had earlier that night. Bella had often been the one she'd turned to when strange stuff like that had happened, so it was almost second nature to talk to her about such things; she almost felt guilty for not telling her about the nightmares she'd been having every other night.

"Well, I mean you used to dream about that specific eye colour before we even came near the Cullens, so maybe it was something like that. Maybe he's going to wake up soon?" Bella offered, eyes shifting side to side in contemplation to the new information.

Alexis clutched the blankets she'd cocooned herself in closer to her body. She was grateful for her best friend, who had been impatiently waiting to return to her bedside since she'd been ushered away that morning. Apparently Bella had spent the entire day and night cleaning her house and doing the homework for the week to try and keep her mind off of Lex and how she was holding up; desperate to be there for her best friend.

"Maybe…" Lex considered, nibbling at her lower lip. "I'm trying to convince myself of that, but at the same time I just don't want it to be true. I mean, if it is then what the hell kind of freak can see that stuff? I need Adam to be alright, but I want to find out like a normal person, not because my mind showed me anything to do with him."

"I get that." The brunette nodded, fully understanding her position. "But in this case, I really think it is a good thing. I'm sure he's going to be okay, Lex. There's no way he'd give up easily."

It seemed like that was all that anyone could bring themselves to say for now. But then again, there was nothing else to say. It wasn't as though anyone could admit that there was a possibility that he would be gone forever and they would have to just say goodbye; that would be heartless and pessimistic.

"It's my mum that I'm worried about, she only just stopped crying… She must be in so much pain." Lex sighed, eyes staring off in the direction of her parent's room. "I'm so used to her being optimistic and bright about even the slightest of things. I have no idea what to do, or how to even take the slightest bit of pain away from her."

Bella sighed, wrapping a loose arm around her best friend's shoulders. "I think all you can do is be there for her, Lex. You know, you could always stay home with her tomorrow, nobody would blame you for taking the day off school."

"I know they wouldn't, Bells. I just can't be left to think about it all right now. I need to be told what to think, I need to learn and take my mind off of everything."

It was obvious that there was no changing her mind, so the brunette simply nodded her head and shifted to stand. "Okay, I guess I'll pick you up tomorrow morning like usual?" She asked, looking as though she was ready to sit down again. "Unless you want me to stay the night? Cause I will, just say the word."

"No." Alexis stressed, dropping the blankets from her shoulders. "Go home, Bella. You don't need me keeping you awake all night and I think I'm going to try and talk to my mum anyway. I'll see you at school, my dad is going to take me to see Adam before."

Her feet almost seemed glued to the floor, unwilling to leave her best friend without a fight. "Alright, but if you need me at all, my phone is right next to my bed and I'll come right over. Call me if you need me, promise?"

"You know that I will."

The two of them hugged each other tightly, glad that no matter what they had each other.

-x-x-x-

After a quick shower to calm her nerves and right her mind, Lexi finally managed to change into some pyjamas for the night.

Wandering out into the hallway, she could hear her father still pittering about downstairs. She guessed that he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep that night, and instead decided to spend the next few hours watching tv to try and keep his mind occupied.

She gently opened the door to her parent's room once again, this time quietly walking in and climbing into the bed beside her mother, slipping under the covers to wrap her arms around her mother from behind. As she did so, she could feel the tension in Maeve's shoulder slightly relax as her hand gripped her daughter's.

"Everything is going to be okay, mum."

With those words, the two redheads slipped into the first peaceful slumber since hearing the news; comforted by each other's presence.

And you're stronger than you think, Lexi-bear.

-x-x-x-

A/N: I'm really trying to get the thirteen chapters I had already written edited and re-written this week so that I can post them all over the next week or two. I just want to get past them so I can start writing new chapters, aha.

Anyways, hope you liked this one!

~ fawningfantasy x