Mirage
A/N: It's prelims week and I have a flu but fuck it I'm updating today. Anyway, there are only a few chapters left, sad to say, I have already decided the ending of the story. Though I think this will still take a few more months to write with the rate I'm going with the updates because hell school is driving me crazy! Ugh. And by the way, I'm not a native English speaker (I'm a Filipina! Shoutout to LadyInBlack!) so if you think my writing is becoming too obsolete then let me know. I'll be glad to make improvements in my next Levihan story!
Summary: Humanity's strongest soldier had secrets of his own. So when the woman he thought he loved died, he turns on another for pure companionship and comfort. But a night of mistake has its consequences. Levihan.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: LUCIDITY
At that very moment where she felt that everything just clicked into place, Hange was certain it was the most peaceful morning she'd ever had in her life. The sun had just risen, light filtered through the windows of their rather small bedroom and outside, she could hear the whistle of the wind as it gently blew against the leaves of the trees – could smell the sweet scent of the flowers her husband himself planted in the backyard of their small house.
She stirred on the bed, flipped the white sheets that covered her body and sat up. Hange smiled to herself and thought how rare times like this could be for a soldier who lives in fear and anticipation of an inevitable death, and whose sole purpose in life is to fight and defend humanity from the Titans. She often wondered why she ever chose to live the unending sufferings of being a Soldier Corps soldier when she could always have a simple, beautiful life back at home.
But at this thought, she shook her head and huffed out a slight chuckle, thinking how ridiculous her previous thought was. An ordinary person - one who hadn't seen what horrors lurk outside the walls – wouldn't appreciate the luxury of a peaceful morning when they experience it almost everyday. They merely just take life for granted and await for what destiny has in store for them.
This realization struck her hard, it was almost too hard to take but it's the truth about humanity anyway. Hange breathed deeply, dismissing her previous thoughts and instead tried to lighten up. It was a beautiful morning and she didn't want to mess it up by starting it with her horrid thoughts. Glancing around, she noted her husband's absence but knew the man had woken up earlier, as he usually does every morning. She pushed the sheets of the bed further and stood up, legs wobbly as her feet touched the cool floor.
After putting on her glasses and tying her hair in a messy ponytail, Hange walked towards where the two cots are stationed and peered over them, expecting her two beautiful sons still asleep but to her surprise, only a baby boy with coal-black hair was there to greet his mother a good morning. Ciel, with his unfocused pair of silvery grey irises, looked at her as if he knew who she was. Like his twin brother, his eyes were a bit narrow and somewhat piercing. A point to her husband, as she teased, the twins will never be mistaken as Levi's offspring.
She marvelled at the thought someday, when they're all grown up, she'll see two miniature versions of the husband she loved so much. She's sure the twins will break many hearts, make many girls cry. Smiling sheepishly, Hange leaned forward and greeted her firstborn with her ever cheery voice. "Good morning, my baby… Did you sleep well?" She crooned as she took Ciel in her arms, cradling the baby's small body against her. She dropped a kiss on his forehead before starting to head for the door.
When she got out, she found the living room empty, the couch was neatly done and no trace of movement could be found. Hange walked further, with Ciel delicately moving against her arms. She went straight to the kitchen and exited the house through the back door.
And there, at the backyard of their house, with all the flowers blooming around, she saw Levi standing in the middle of the lawn, his upper body bare as he held Theo protectively against him, a faint smile on his lips evident. He was crooning down something to the child, and Theo, with his pair of grey eyes, just stared back at him looking a bit confused at what his father was doing.
A helpless tugged at her lips as she watched him play earnestly with their son. Trailing her eyes up Levi's face, Hange suddenly blinked, momentarily taken off-guard with how handsome her husband really was, which she only admitted now. Looking at him from afar, Levi looked like one of those chiselled statues whom women worshipped during the old times. "G-Good morning…" she started, her voice coming out cracked.
At the sound of her voice, Levi looked over his broad shoulder to eye his wife. He offered her a small smile, a smile so rare he only started flashing it these days, while they were away from everybody else, just the two of them having a peaceful time in their little house with their two sons. "Morning," Levi replied, then walked towards a stool and sat down. He tapped the space beside him.
Hange felt herself flush at the smile he just offered her. Eversince that night when he told her he didn't want the divorce, Levi had become more and more caring and affectionate to her and to the twins. "What are you doing here so early in the morning?" she asked. Hange sat on the space Levi provided. She repositioned Ciel so the baby was comfortably laying against her arms.
"Sunlight is good for babies up to three months. The twins are barely a month old, they would need every vitamin in their bodies. And that brat-" Levi pointed to Ciel, who was tucked against his mother's arms and now beaming at his father and twin brother. "-was still asleep when I got up. This noisy brat here was already bawling in his cot so I took him with me and went out here." He poked Theo's nose with his finger and the baby squinted in response to his gesture.
She chuckled, not really sure how to respond to Levi's words but feeling herself becoming more and more amused at how he could be such an expert when it comes to babies. "You know, I'm starting to wonder if I'm really the mother of these kids or just a mere vessel for you to procreate. Why are you such an expert at child rearing? Did you pick up a parenting book while I was pregnant or something?"
Levi just grinned, showing his perfectly white teeth. He tilted his head to his side and gave Hange a sideways glance, his face looking all smug. Unknowingly to Hange, whenever he had time before, he would visit Dr. Cameron in his clinic and ask for lectures regarding babies. He talked to a few women he knew, the cook at the Headquarters most especially, and asked them questions about child rearing. "Oh, you'll be surprised with what I did to prepare for this. I'm a soldier, Shitty Glasses. I never go to war unarmed," he sneered.
She chose not to reply, her insides screaming at everything this new Levi is presenting her. Hange bit her lip to stifle a slight squeal, thinking of how adorable it was to see the stoic Captain embracing fatherhood with all his might. Seeing the fatherly side of Levi was too much, she never expected the man to be a hands-on father to their kids, let alone be so fond of children when he was so infamous at being cold to people. And to think that the twins are only a month old and she'll get to see more of this everyday, but she swear, she will never get tired of seeing Levi like this.
He suddenly cleared his throat, jerking Hange away from her thoughts. Levi was stroking the soft tuft of brown hair on Theo's head as he spoke. "I'll be off to the Headquarters today to go grab some things we'll need for our stay here. We're also running low on food. I'll pass by the market in Trost on my way back. You want anything? Something you forgot to bring when we got here?"
Hange shook her head. What else would she need when she had everything right here in this house? "Nope, I have everything in place here. How long will you be out?" she asked. Ciel suddenly started sniffing and Hange stuck her pinky finger in his mouth. The sniffles stopped as he sucked on her knuckles, his eyes half-closed in ecstasy.
"Only for a few hours… You're going to be alright with them on your own, yes?" There was a worried tone on his voice when he spoke, his brows furrowed as he reached his hand out to stroke Ciel's cheek with his thumb.
She thought about that for a moment. She never really had some time alone with the twins, since Levi is always there to help her out with anything. He watches as she breastfeed their sons, so completely fascinated with how great their appetite was, he takes initiative in cleaning them up, they switch places to put the twins to sleep.
Every night when one of them cries, Levi will immediately scramble out of bed, take one of his sons in his arms, and then brings him to Hange. So having him not around will be a bit hard. "It's alright, we'll be fine, I'm their mother, okay? I can take care of them myself… And unless you start lactating then I hereby get the role to be their Mommy. Hmmm. Anyway, I think Ciel here needs a diaper change." She mumbled after a while.
Levi's eyes turned into black orbs. "What? For how long?" He held Theo with one strong arm and reached out his other to inspect Ciel's diaper. He wrinkled his nose as soon as the strong pungent smell reached his nose. "This is filthy. Go bring him to their room and prepare some lukewarm water and a small piece of cloth. I'll clean him up after I tuck Theo in his cot."
Hange chuckled then stood up and obliged to her husband's words, clearly fascinated at Levi's forever clean freak attitude. She left the backdoor open and was already halfway near the twins' room when she heard him muttering.
"I fear for them without me for a few hours," Levi sighed.
Her smile grew wider. "Hey, I heard that!" she yelled over her shoulder, leaning against the doorframe to the twins' room.
"I meant you to!" she heard him yell back, and Hange just giggled in response as she put Ciel down the bed and prepared what her husband told her to.
True to his words, Levi had left about an hour ago, leaving Hange alone in their little house with their two beautiful sons. She had breastfed the twins and managed to put the two to sleep just on her own, she had taken a quick bath, cleaned the twins' bottles and right now, she was doing their laundry, a thing she very rarely does. Usually, Levi was in charge of doing the laundry but she figured, as his wife, she needed to do this task.
She can't just live knowing nothing but doing researches and paperworks forever, she needed to at least try to be a real woman for a change. Even just for this while.
Hange fumbled through Levi's drawers looking for his apron and the detergents he very neatly kept in his storage. Once she finally acquired his cleaning materials, Hange adjusted her glasses, breathed deeply, and got unto the task.
She knelt down before the pile of clothes, which were mostly abundant of the twins' mittens and white towels. A few of her blouses and two pairs of her jeans were also present. She separated the white ones and the colored ones, and at the very bottom of the huge pile, she found one of Levi's shirts. Hange raised it up in the air, noticed that no dirt could be traced on the white shirt's surface. Then, after the briefest of hesitations, she leaned forward and brought the shirt before her face, inhaling traces of Levi's manly scent. The faint trail of the body wash he used and his very own natural scent engulfed her.
She clutched the shirt further against her and continued on sniffing like an idiot, but she didn't care. No one would see her as she secretly admired her husband's scent, anyway. In that one brief moment of lucidity, she just let herself be submerged in her already overwhelming and overflowing admiration for the man.
After a while of continuous sniffing and giggling, Hange finally put the shirt down and did the laundry, a helpless smile on her face as she effortlessly washed, scrubbed, rinsed and hung their clothes to dry.
She finished an hour later, checked on the twins, and found them still sleeping soundly. Hange sat in the living room, exhausted from doing the laundry, but happy to be the good, loving housewife anyway. The house was already clean, Levi cleaned minutes before he left, and right now Hange desperately tried to think of something else she could do while she waited for her husband to come home.
Having pondered her options, Hange thought of something she'd never done for Levi for before, going through the list of so many things. She sprang up the couch, raised her pointing finger into the air, and grinned mischievously. "Ah-hah!" she yelped. She trotted towards the kitchen, raided through the cupboards and looked for something – anything she can use for cooking.
She went out and harvested some vegetables from Levi's garden, went back in and chopped them. She made some fire and heated the pot, then threw in the vegetables and a few chops of meat. Hange knew nothing about cooking but when she was young, she used to watch her mother in their kitchen. She just kind of hoped she wouldn't mess this one up.
Time flew slowly as she waited for the cooking to be over. She was growing rather impatient, dozing off for a few minutes, until she heard it.
One of the twins is crying.
Her maternal senses came alive, hastily getting up from the kitchen table and hurried towards the twins' room. She immediately peered over the two cots and found Ciel's face already flushed red as he bawled and wailed furiously. Hange leaned and took the child in her arms, slightly rocking him back and forth. "What's wrong, Ciel? Sssshhh, there, there…" She pressed a kiss against his forehead. "Mommy is here… Did you have a bad dream my dearest?"
Hange crooned sweet nothings to the child's ear, swayed around the room as she rocked him, but he continued crying, his rosebud of a mouth already shaking as each sob slipped out. "Come on, Ciel, work with Mommy here… Are you hungry?"
She sat on the edge of the bed, the mattress giving in to her weight. Her face looked distressed as she unbuttoned the top of her blouse and exposed her milk-swollen breast. She positioned Ciel before her breast, but he won't latch on to her nipple and instead continued on his small mewlings and sniffles. "What is it that you want, baby? Stop crying okay? You'll wake your brother up… And I still need to finish cooking your Daddy's lunch…"
Mentioning about the meal she's cooking almost made her snap. "Wait… Oh my God!" Her eyes widened, she held Ciel tightly against her and immediately trotted out of the room, forgetting to even patch her buttons up as she hurried to the kitchen.
She looked over the now smoking pan. The broth had drained out. The vegetables were swollen, the chopped meats were bloated. Sighing heavily, Hange decided to kill the fire by whisking water into it. Ciel was still crying against her arms. She was a mess. Everything was a complete fucking mess.
And then she heard another wail coming from the twins' room.
Hange groaned, tears threatening to well from her eyes as she ran to the room. She can't do this. She needed Levi with her, she's still not capable of handling this. She was turning into a complete fucking mess and how she badly wished Levi would burst through the door at this very moment and help her with the twins. With everything. She wanted him. She needed him. She can't do this without him.
She reached the room, placed the wailing Ciel on the bed and moved towards Theo's cot. The baby boy, whose brown hair very much mirrored his mother's, looked so cranky and irritable. Hange leaned forward, inspected what it was that that upset him, and found his nappy already wet with some bad smell wafting from it. She sprawled a mat on the bedsheets, took Theo and placed him down on the bed, and began cleaning him up.
Hange prepared a bowl of lukewarm water and a small piece of cloth. Gently, she removed the diaper and assessed the situation. She bit her lip as she dipped the cloth into the water then very slowly rubbed the baby's bottom with it, removing the remaining poop on his skin. Once finished, she grabbed another clean diaper and patched Theo up.
Beads of cold sweat started running down her forehead, and Hange wiped it with the back of her hand. Ciel had stopped crying and Theo, now clean and comfortable, was beaming up at his mother. Hange smiled down at the two of them, the tears still welling up in her eyes, and she removed her glasses to rub them. "I should be able to do this…" she murmured. "I… I shouldn't give up…"
"I believe you're doing a one damn fine job, Shitty Glasses,"
The familiar voice.
Hange looked over her shoulder and saw her husband leaning against the doorframe, a smirk plastered on his mouth. His muscled arms were crossed before his chest, and he was staring at her with those ever cold and stoic eyes. "Le… Levi…" she croaked out.
Levi gave her another warm smile, then walked towards the bed where his wife and their twins were slumping in. He pulled his cravat from his neck, and when he reached Hange, he sat beside her on the space she provided. He held the cloth on his hand and gently wiped her forehead. "You have shit on your face," he bluntly muttered.
Hange smiled back, gulping as she felt another lump forming in her throat. "Do I?" she asked, not really expecting a reply. "How long have you been standing there?"
"I've just arrived. Why, did I miss anything interesting?" Levi reached his hand out and lovingly stroke Hange's cheeks, then rested a palm against her face.
Hange placed her hand above Levi's and offered him a pout. "Not really… Just me on the verge of breaking down…" she admitted wryly, looking down to her lap as she spoke. "I'm not mother-material, Levi. I can't do this on my own. The twins will grow up having a bad mother. I know nothing about children, Titans yes, experiments and researches, yes, I know all about them, but I have no idea on how to raise a human being. I can't even last a few hours without you by my side… I'm not sure if I can even do this."
Levi released a chuckle, the sound of it mocking. "I would've paid enough fortune to see you breaking down," He winced when Hange hit his shoulder. Smirking again, Levi tilted her chin, looked straight into her hazel brown eyes. "Hange, no one is good in anything at first. It takes time to finally adapt into this kind of things, especially to the both of us. We're soldiers, we usually just keep to ourselves, and we know nothing about children. But like what I always tell you, we'll work things out. We're together in this. We may be shitty parents, abnormal human beings, but we're going to raise our children just fine. So don't say things like that, because I'm very much sure that regardless of how shitty you are, you'll be a good mother to my brats,"
"You're really sure about that?" She sniffed, somewhat relieved at her husband's words. "I'm weird, I have this Titan obsession and people look at me like I'm crazy!" Hange was almost freaking out.
"I see you're back to your usual hysterical self," Levi sighed. "Who cares about what people say? You're a damn great woman, Hange. Never forget that."
After careful consideration, Hange finally smiled sincerely. She wrapped her arms around her husband's neck, dragged him closer to her face. She inhaled his scent, the intoxicating, addicting scent that made her insides turn. "I wish I have some sort of recorder so that I can listen to you saying that I'm a great woman whenever I please,"
"Why would you need a recorder when you have me right here to tell you that, every fucking time?" Levi grabbed her brown hair, brought her face closer to his, their noses touching. "You're a damn great woman, Hange Zoe," he repeated.
"Ackerman," she corrected, her breath hot on his face. "I'm Hange Ackerman,"
"My Mrs. Hange Ackerman, eh?" Levi gritted his teeth, smiled at his crazy wife. Then he crashed his lips against hers, profoundly grateful that he married this one hell of a great woman, wife, and mother to his kids. He won't ever ask for another.
A/N: Who else found the ick factor in this one? Haha. Give me a review my dears.