February 1st, Tuesday

Mom isn't here. She didn't wake me up.

"Stupid, you forgot that again…" I murmur getting out of bed.

In that absolute silence the memory of mom's voice revives. Her 'good morning' rings in my ears, beats on my eardrums, penetrates me and then disappears leaving me in a deafening silence… again… and again. I need to go to school, it's the only distraction I have left. The house is empty, lifeless like a graveyard… and I am it's ghost.

The voices and noises of the school can't fill the void in my heart, but they're better than nothing. I remain silent, as always, in my corner and listen to what is happening around me: I listen to Carlo's conspiracy theories, to Simone's poor jokes, to Lorenzo's constant praise of the Alien saga, and to Anna's vacation stories. I'm like a reader, but I don't immerse myself in the worlds of novels but I swim among the daily stories told by my classmates. I take a pinch of joy and make it mine. A little joy is better than none. Sometimes I feel like a parasite. Only a parasite constantly needs others to be alive. Among all those voices Pietro's silence resounds with great force. He's like me, in a way. I always knew that. He's a guy who doesn't talk much, but unlike me he's always had more friends. However I don't know if this was ever down to him or just plain luck. He's a kind of 'normal boy': short brown hair, dark eyes, an average body, anonymous clothing… However, his face has a peculiarity that I like: he has a face that is inclined to smiles. My mom has that same characteristic: a face that can never be ruined by anger and that was born to wear beautiful smiles. From my desk I see him talking to Carlo, a rather annoying individual, and I'm sorry he has to put up with him.

'Maybe I can cheer him up a little,' I think, 'but how?'

Then I see the necklace. The necklace he found for me. This necklace is the most important thing I have, it's the key that will allow me to save my mom. It's a relic that is used to summon a Heroic Spirit, or Servant. It was given to me by a priest, Father Egidius, and it was he who invited me to participate in the Holy Grail War. If I had lost it, I would never have been able to save my mother… And it is thanks to Pietro that I can fight. Thanks to Pietro I will be able to take part in the war and change the fate of the woman who sacrificed everything for me.

'I have to thank him.'

I get up and approach him and Carlo. Pietro smiles at me immediately.

"Pietro, I wanted to thank you for yesterday. You helped me a lot, thank you… really." I can't smile at him and I'm sorry. I would really love to return that beautiful smile of him, but I can't.

"You don't have to thank me," he replies modestly, "it was a pleasure for me to help you."

"Thank you anyway, Pietro."

I go back to sit down.

I would've liked to have had a few more words with him, but I can't. I can't get another word out of my mouth, I feel too tired to speak. I feel slightly embarrassed, also because it wasn't my intention to disturb Pietro for a silly thing.

I open my backpack and get ready for class. At that exact moment my gaze meets Silvia's. Her eyes are furious and indignant, and I understand her… and I don't blame her. She hates me because I rejected her love, but I didn't do it out of malice. I can't afford to commit to a relationship, not when I have to fight such an important war.

February 2nd, Wednesday

Fog. The thickest fog I've ever seen. Everyone in the class talks about it and I feel a little sorry for them. They have no idea what's going on, but I do. This is the work of a Servant and it's also the signal I have been waiting for.

The lessons come to an end and I go to my house; I have to summon the Heroic Spirit.

"Hey, Diego!" is Marco's voice.

"Yes?" I ask slightly annoyed.

"Can I talk to you for a moment? It's an important thing."

"Mm… I, er—"

"Please!"

"Well… uhm… fine."

"Good, good! Come with me!"

We go to the back of the school. I don't know what he wants from me, I pray it's not something important. I have to prepare for war and cannot waste precious time.

"I know what happened between you and Silvia and I wanted to ask you a personal question. It may sound cheeky of me, but I need to know the truth," Marco says.

"What truth?"

"Do you love her?"

I don't know how to answer him. I can't say I've never had feelings for her, but right now she's the least important thing in the world. A small part of me tells me to be sincere, to pursue love and not to fight this war; but then I hear the other voice…

"No," I reply as coldly as possible.

"For real? Are you sure?"

"Yeah, pretty sure."

"So can I confess my love to her?"

"Sure, go ahead. You have my blessing."

"Really really?"

"Yeah, man. Do it."

"Thank you! Thank you so much!" He claps me on the shoulder. "You're a good person, Diego! If you need anything, just let me know. You're great! You're the best!"

And he goes away. If I had been him I wouldn't have asked for permission, but I'm not surprised at what he has done. In this world there are the inept and Marco. He is an incompetent of original workmanship. He has the face of someone who is inexperienced in everything, he is a mixture of ignorance and naivety… but he's a good person. I think he is the most honest person in all of Siena. I've never seen him betray a friend. He is one of those who has charity in his blood, too bad he's also a certified idiot. No one is perfect.

I'm finally home and I prepare everything that is necessary for the ritual. What I know was taught to me by my mom, who had learned it from her mom and so on. I place the necklace in the center of the circle and recite the words for the evocation:

"O salutary Victim, who opens the sky, the wars of the enemy cling to us: give us strength, help us. May the glory be eternal to the One and Triune Lord: may he bestow on us life without end at home, may he bestow upon us the weapon outside the homeland to win every conflict!"

The circle lights up. A strong energy is released and, after a few moments, a tiny creature appears in the center of the living room. She has two horns, purple hair and eyes, an open kimono and a very bare dress. From the appearance she looks like a real demon. Her gaze is that of a seductress and she has the smile of a manipulator. The girl bows slightly and introduces herself:

"I am Assassin, your Servant, are you my new Master?"

"Yes, I am your Master. It is a pleasure to meet you."

"Ohoh, apparently you're a nice guy. While I tend to prefer more aggressive personalities, you are just fine. You have such an innocent look, so pure… You have the eyes of virginity, don't you?"

That little demon caresses my face with her warm hands, it's clear that she wants to seduce me. I can't keep a cool head with such a creature in front of me and so I feel compelled to step back a little.

"Are you running away from me, Master? It's not very nice, you know? Are you afraid of this oni? My dear Master, you must not be so agitated in my presence. I am your Servant, I would never hurt you, you should know."

"I know, but I don't want you to misunderstand our relationship," I say in a low voice.

"What do you mean?" she asks with a curious grin.

"You're a weapon. I need you to win the war and save a person who is very close to my heart."

"Mm? For real?" She looks around with an interested air. "Do you live here alone, Master?"

I nod without hiding my regret.

"How old are you?"

"Eighteen."

"And this person who 'is close to your hear' is your mother?"

I don't answer.

"Fufu… I'm right, as usual. You know, Master, I cannot deny that despite your pure and innocent appearance, you may perhaps be more delightful than you appear. A person like you could fill me up."

"Wha—?"

"Sorry, sorry. It wasn't my intention to make you uncomfortable. I realize this is your first time talking to an oni and I'm actually not even surprised. I can sense this isn't Japan, so I bet people like you have no idea what an 'oni' is."

"Are you a demon?"

"Why a 'demon'? Do I look like one?"

I point to her horns.

"These? Fufu, these are just horns. Nothing more. Calling me 'demon' is quite offensive, you know? It's like calling me 'ogre' or 'orc'. It would be like me deciding to call you 'monkey'. For this I prefer a more adequate term: yōkai."

"I'll do my best."

Assassin looks around with curious eyes. She plays with everything that comes to her hands and meanwhile wanders around the living room without a specific destination.

"So, er… Assassin?"

"Yes?"

"Do you have a plan?"

"I don't need a plan, Master. The strength of these hands is enough for me." She jumps onto the sofa. "But if you ask me to plan it means you have no idea what to do, am I right? No, don't answer, I already know I'm right. I admit that I never expected to be summoned by an eighteen year old, I'm surprised that brats have the possibility to fight such conflicts."

"I'm not a brat—"

"You are, Master. You. Are." She lies down on the sofa. "There's no embarrassment in admitting that you're still too green for such a conflict. However I cannot deny that this will be a problem for me, Master. You called me a 'weapon' earlier, which is technically true, but that doesn't mean I'm your tool. I have my dignity and if someone has to wear a collar, it's you."

"Sorry…?" I don't like where this is going.

"Your inexperience and your purity, although cute, shouldn't make you forget that it's you who needs me, not the other way around. I have no desire for the Holy Grail, but you, it seems, have one that you care deeply about. You want to save your mother from certain death, am I right?"

"Yes…" I murmur.

"Fufu. Well, it's good because I'm here to help you. I will make sure to grant your wish, but you must never give me orders. I do what I want when I want. No compromises, no excuses. If you agree, fine. If you disagree, you can cancel the Contract and find yourself another Servant who is willing to fight for you."

I'm trapped. I fell into the trap of my own Servant. That wasn't how things were supposed to be and now I'm in a very bad situation. Assassin is right: I have nothing for her to want, it's me who needs her. This means that I depend on her, that I have to submit to her will and that I cannot contradict her. If something goes wrong, my mom is dead.

I accept Assassin's terms and she rejoices as if she were a child, but her eyes are tinged with pure evil. I summoned her in hopes of getting a weapon… and got screwed. I am angry. I am angry with myself. I appeared too weak and now have no control over the Servant.

February 3rd, Thursday

The lessons have just ended. Everyone is out of school, but I'm back inside. Today I hit Leopoldo in the face. I know why I did it, but I still can't understand how it was possible for me to gain the strength and courage to face him. Something has changed in me, I feel it. An anger I've never felt before is slowly changing me. My mind no longer refuses battle, it yearns for it. It's because of Assassin, I know. She deceived me, made me feel like an idiot, made me feel ashamed of my own desire and now I feel like the whole world doesn't matter anymore. My classmates, bullies, school, it's all irrelevant now… they've lost their value. It's like my world has shrunk: there's just me, Assassin and my desire.

I sit on my desk. The classroom is empty and in the distance the voices of students can be heard leaving the school. The noise gets further and further away and then disappears. I stay alone in a silent room looking at the blackboard on which there are still the chemistry formulas written by Professor Castelli. I turn around and notice that Luca, my desk mate, has forgotten his notebook. I open it, just to distract myself a bit, and I notice that swastikas appear on some pages. I don't think they have any political significance to him, he never seemed like that type of person to me; I think he draws them just to be edgy. The silence is broken by Assassin's words:

"What's going on, Master? Are you waiting for someone?"

"I'm trying to calm down. I need to be alone and reflect on what happened at school today."

"You mean when you punched that other brat? Well, you don't have to feel guilty, in fact you should feel joy. Violence purifies."

"Are you fucking kidding me?! 'Violence purifies'?! Since when?! You made me an animal!"

"I didn't do anything, you did it to yourself. You're the one who was hoping for total control over me, Master. I just made you understand how things are. If you are unable to adapt—"

"That's not the fucking point! You're making me feel like I have no control of my…!"

"Destiny?"

I don't say a thing.

"What is your destiny, Master?"

"To save my mom and to give her the life she never had."

"Fufu. That's just a destination, not destiny. Destiny is something bigger, made up of different stages, different objectives, different… ends. You feel trapped, I understand that. I know full well it can't be easy knowing that I determine what happens to your mother, but try to see the bright side: you can use these moments to unleash the beast in you."

"Wha—?"

"You know why you ended up in this situation, right? You're so mad at yourself because you can't forgive yourself for showing your cards so naively. You trusted your role as Master too much and became my toy. This could be the opportunity to become a different person. Maybe it's time to let go of the shackles of morality, Master. Or, if you don't feel like ruining that big heart you have, you can always think about how to get rid of the Master you go to school with."

"What Master?"

"Pietro."

"What? No."

"You didn't notice it, did you? The girl, that 'Sabrina', is a Servant. I've been watching her all day."

"H-How?"

"I'm an Assassin, remember? Thanks to Presence Concealment I can easily hide from the senses of other Heroic Spirits. I spied on her a little bit and I'm sure she's a Servant."

"No, you're wrong. Pietro is not—"

"And how do you know?"

"I just know. That's it."

"Fufu… Won't you tell me that boy is very important to you?" She caresses my cheek.

"Stop it."

"As you wish, Master. I trust you."

Pietro is not a Master, I'm sure of it. That Sabrina must be just a girl like any other, she's not a Servant. I'm sure.

Pietro is not a Master.

Pietro is not a Master.

I know, I'm sure of it. If he had been I would've noticed it, so it means that Pietro is not a Master.

I hear a noise coming from the corridor.

"It must be the janit—"

Assassin has a sadistic smile on her face. She leaves the classroom recklessly and I follow her, nervous, ready to stop her. At that moment I realize that there are two people: a girl and a man armed with a spear.

"Lancer, I deduce. Why are you here, sweetie? Are you going to kill me?"

"Ugh! I wish I didn't have to fight, listen to what my Master has to say first," he answers.

"Your Master? You mean that pretty girl I'm already undressing with my eyes?"

The girl has a disgusted expression and looks at me."Let's avoid the pleasantries and get to the point: I am Rin Tohsaka, magus of the Tohsaka family and member of the Mage's Association. I'm not here to kill you, Assassin's Master, I'm just here to stop you from continuing this conflict. You have no idea what's going on and so I ask you to step aside and cancel the Contract with Assassin. I won't hurt you, you have my word—"

"Forget it," I say. "I have a wish to fulfill, I have a person to save and I will do everything in my power to get what I want. If you want me out of this war, then you will have to force me to quit, because I will not give up without a fight."

Rin sighs. "This is the second Master who doesn't want to listen to me. I'm losing my touch."

"Maybe you never had it," Lancer says with some irony.

"I'll make you pay for this. But now get rid of Assassin."

"Yes, ma'am."

Lancer sets off on the attack. The tip of his spear barely misses Assassin's head. The two Servants start fighting and I can't follow their battle well. Lancer moves very fast, is clearly more agile than Assassin, yet my Servant manages not to get knocked down; she has a stamina I never expected from one of her class. Lancer just makes one wrong move and gets hit with a fist that flips him over.

"Whoops! Did I go too hard, Sweetie? Do you want a little kiss on the wound?"

"Ouch… My poor old bones! You're strong, Assassin, I'll give you that."

"The Demonic Nature of Oni makes me physically stronger than my opponents. I hope you have some tricks up your sleeve, otherwise I will win this battle and take your Master's head."

As soon as I hear those words, my blood runs cold. I have nothing against Rin, I don't want her killed, I just want to eliminate Lancer and that's it, but it's clear that Assassin has other plans. I immediately realize that I am between a rock and a hard place, but I have to find a way to resolve the situation before it is too late.

I run in front of my Servant and turn to Rin in the hope that she will listen to me:

"I'm not here to kill. I just want to save my mom!"

She opens her eyes wide and I immediately understand that she is harboring a certain compassion for me.

"I will do whatever is necessary for her, I wish you knew… and above all I would like you to know that I'm not here to hurt people, I just want something that any child would want for their parent: life. Tell me, Rin, is what I'm doing wrong?"

She does not answer.

"Answer me. Do you really think I'm doing something wrong?"

"Yes," she says coldly. "Yes, you're doing something wrong," she says louder. "I understand you, anyone would understand you. Trying to save someone you love is natural, I'm not blaming you, but this is not the way. The Holy Grail War will not give you what you seek. When you get to the end, you will find that it's all a deception… a sham. You will never be able to save your mother with the use of that Miracle. The Holy Grail you are fighting for is… dangerous."

"No. You are wrong. Father Egidius told me that the Holy Grail will save my mom and I believe him. I'm not going to listen to your lies!"

"Father… Egidius…?" She narrows her eyes.

"Do you know him?"

She doesn't answer, but she sighs and turns away. "Lucky for you, I have more important things to do at the moment. I hope I will never see you again in this conflict, I would be sorry to break your hopes. If you want some advice: don't waste your time fighting for your mother, go to her and stay by her side. This is what good children do."

She leaves with her Servant.

I'm just glad I stopped Assassin from committing a murder. She doesn't seem happy and doesn't say anything, and it's clear from her expression that she would like to chase Rin and Lancer in order to eliminate them both. I'm glad I kept control of the situation. I try to talk to her, but before I even say anything I feel her fist sinking into my abs. I lose my breath and fall to the ground, pained as if I had just been hit with a big hammer. Assassin looks at me with two monstrous eyes; it almost seems that she wants to kill me, that she wants to cut me up and devour me. She has the expression of a blood hungry beast, and has sharp teeth that almost remind me of those of a wolf.

"Big mistake, Master. You must never stand in my way, the thought of getting in my way must never even pass by the antechamber of that little brain of yours!"

I feel weak, fragile like an autumn leaf. She could kill me, she could break me in an instant and effortlessly. Her furious expression suddenly changes into a serene but disturbing smile. Her wide eyes are still bloody, but her face is relaxed. She's even scarier now than before. She caresses me as if I were a puppy.

"My dear Master, you must never forget who I am. I'm not your slave and I'm not your object, and if you do not want to become my bitch, I advise you to behave properly. Have I been clear?"

"Y-Ye-Yes."

"Good. Now—"

"What's going on here?" I recognize that voice: it's Professor DeRosa. He's the gym teacher.

The man has just seen Assassin. He gets scared and tries to run away. The girl doesn't hesitate for a moment and blocks his way. He screams first in fright… and then in pain. I see Assassin pierce his chest with her bare hand and forcefully rip his heart out. The floor turns red in an instant and the thud of the body echoes throughout the corridor. The girl throws his heart against a wall leaving an almost disgusted verse from her mouth. She turns to me flashing that demonic grin.

"What's the problem, Master? All witnesses must be eliminated. This is the rule."