Chapter 33

Jen did not remember everything about that day. Things were slowly coming back. The more she remembered, the more withdrawn she got. Jen would just sit and stare out at the world. The more time went by the more distant and the more she seemed to be turning inward. Jen would speak to Hailey but only when her daughter would address her or try to get her attention. Cody would try to talk to her, but Jen would only briefly comment and give short answers. Jen's ribs had healed and so did the burn on her back.

The only thing Jen seemed to care about was one of the kittens. She would walk to the barn and pick up the kitten and just hold it.

Cody sat by her, "What is the little lady's name?"

"I… I don't think she has a name." Jen answered.

"Maybe you should name her?" Jen looked at Cody and then back down to the kitten. She continued to pet the kitten. When the kitten started to get restless, she put it back. Jen adjusted the shawl she had wrapped around her and then she left the barn.

"Would you like to join me down by the lake for a bit?" Cody asked. Jen nodded. They walked together down by the lake.

"Where did that come from?" Jen asked.

"I figured this was a favorite sitting spot and it deserved a more comfortable place to sit," Cody answered, he had built a bench where once sat a rotting log. Cody and Jen sat side by side.

"You did a good job." Jen said quietly.

"Thank you. I love this spot; I could just sit here for hours." Cody said. Jen nodded in agreement.

"Cody… can you tell me what happened that night?" Jen asked. First time she had asked him. Cody did not respond right away. "I have all these memories all jumbled up. I am not sure what is real and what is not. I need to know."

"Jen, I don't know much. Just what Alex has told me and how we found you," The counselor warned Cody not to tell her too much about what happened. It was better for Jen to process it as she remembered it. "I will call your Counselor and talk to her, maybe in your next session we can discuss it."

"Why won't you tell me?" Jen cried.

"Jen, after I talk to the counselor," Jen got up and ran back to the cabin and curled up in bed crying. Jen just did not understand, why Cody just would not tell her. Cody started to go after her, but figured it was no use.

Jen's dreams were getting more and more detailed. She was dreaming that she had sex with Roy. But that could not be. There was no way she would have. She could not say anything to Cody, she was afraid he would hate her. The fact that he would not talk to her about it, made it worse.

That night Jen woke up screaming again. It was different than any other time. Jen was now sleeping in the bed and Cody was sleeping on the coach. Cody jumped off the coach, he ran to Jen and tried to calm her down and settle her. Jen was afraid and fought him. She was able to break free from Cody. She had pushed him off the bed. Jen ran out of the room, out of the cabin and down to the lake. The sun was just coming up, so they air was still cold. Jen ran with no shoes or jacket, with just what she had worn to bed.

It took Cody a second to collect himself, he threw his boots on and put his coat on. He grabbed Jen's boots and coat as he ran out the door after her. Jen headed towards the lake. She was on the shore of the lake away from the cabin. She fell to her knees, and she just started to scream. Cody stopped at a safe distance and just watched her. Jen clinched her hands into a fist. She sat with her shins on the ground. She pulled her hands up to her face, she curled herself up into a ball and just started sobbing and rocking back and forth. Cody was unsure what to do. She had not acted like this before. He cautiously moved towards her. He knelt across from her and just gently started to talk to her and reassured her.

Jen looked up at Cody, "I remember everything. I did not want to, but I slept with Roy." Cody was not totally surprised. He thought Roy had raped her. "Cody, I am so sorry, I willingly slept with him. He said if I pleased him that night, he would not hurt you or Alex, so I did it. I am so sorry Cody, I told you I loved you that day and I wanted to be with you that night. But I had sex with Roy instead. Afterwards I felt dirty and ashamed of what I did. He told me I was so gullible, and he would still kill you. Cody, please don't hate me."

Cody grabbed her arms, "Jen, you did what you had to do to survive, and you made sure he did not hurt the kids. You have nothing to be sorry about." Cody held her close and just tried to comfort Jen. "Alex said that you told Roy that you would take him to the cave and then he could do whatever he wanted to you. You sacrificed yourself, so he would not hurt the kids. There is nothing for me to forgive."

Jen just cried.

"Cody, when I left with him, I knew I was dead. And he nearly killed me. If you would have gotten there minutes later, he would have. Sometimes I think you would have been better off if he did."

"Jen, please don't talk that way. I love you; it does not matter what he did to you or what you did, I love you. I need you in my life."

"Cody, I want to be with you, but can't and I just slept with him," Jen sobbed.

"Jen, it was not your fault, you did what you had to," Cody pleaded. "If anything, it was my fault. If I had not done that research on your background, he would not have found you."

"Cody, it was the transfer of the Lodge to the rangers that tip him off. I did not even think of the fact the property transfers were public records. I made it so easy for him." Jen sobbed. Cody went to hold her and cradle her in his arm. Jen did not flinch; she did not fight him. She just let him hold her.

Jen continued to see the counselor and tried to pick up the pieces of her life. The first time in a long time she was free. Free to be Jen Jacobs again, if she wanted. Free to do what she wanted, live where she wanted. Cody and Jen started to meet with the counselor together to talk thru what happened, their future and being intimate together.

Jen sat down with Hailey to talk about what happened. Cody and Alex went off fishing so they could talk as well.

Jen and Hailey sat on the bench by the lake. "Hailey, you know I love you more than anything."

"Yes, I love you too momma."

"I am sure you have a lot of questions about what happened," Jen said, and Hailey just nodded.

"Are you still sad, momma?" Hailey asked.

"Not as sad as I was. But I am working thru it with the counselor, and it is helping." Jen rubbed her daughter's hair. "I am sorry it has taken me so long to get to this place where I could talk to you again. I was in a very bad place after all the stuff Roy did to me. I only remembered bits and pieces of the things he did to me. I could not face the unknown. Do you have any questions?"

"Was he really my father?"

"Yes, he was."

"Was he excited that I was coming like the stories you told me? Did he want me?"

"I left him before I told him, so I can't say for sure."

"Why, momma?"

"Roy was a very cruel man. While we were married, he hurt me very badly. He was very controlling of everything I did. He would hurt me if I did not do things he wanted. He hurt other people that were close to me. I was pregnant once before. Roy did not want the baby and was mad at me for getting pregnant. He hurt me so bad that I lost the baby. When I got pregnant with you, I could not take a chance. I ran from him. That is why we have been moving around so much and why we changed our names so many times. That is why I put Cody's name on your birth certificate."

"Would Cody ever hurt you like that?"

"No, Cody is a very loving man. He is very kind, sweet, gentle, and compassionate. We are very lucky to have him in our lives."

"Was Roy your husband?"

"Yes, he was."

"So does that make you a widow?"

"I guess so, I had not really thought about it in that way."

"Do you love Cody?"

"I do love him. Since we don't have to run anymore, we are free to decide where we want to go. Would you like to go back to school?"

"Yes," Hailey said with enthusiasm.

"Is there any place we have lived before that you like to move back to?"

Hailey got a sad look on her face, "That means we would be leaving Cody and Alex. I don't want to leave them. Can't we stay here with them?"

"We can't keep imposing on them. It's to long of a commute for a job and school. Another option, we could move to South Lake Tahoe. I can look for a job in town and you can go to one of the local schools. Then we still be close to Cody and Alex."

"Then you could date Cody?"

"Maybe, sweet heart. We will have to see. So South Lake Tahoe it is."

"Tahoe here we come," Hailey chuckled.

Alex and Cody were doing some fly fishing.

"Alex, for the next school year, would you like to go to school with kids your own age? Go to school in South Lake Tahoe?"

"Would it mean we have to leave the cabin?"

"We would have to move to town, but we keep the cabin and come up when we could," Cody explained. "I would have to find a job, so might be limited how much time we have to come up here."

"Would Jen and Hailey come with us?"

"I don't know son. I hope so. Jen is talking to Hailey. She is asking Hailey where she would like to live. Jen would like Hailey to go to school in person. Jen would then look for a job nearby. The first time in long time Jen has a choice in her life, she can live again as herself. So, we need to support her on whatever she decides."

"Don't you love her dad?"

"I do, but Jen needs time to heal and to forgive herself before she can move on."

"What do you mean?"

"Jen feels guilty for bringing Roy into our life. That he could have hurt or even killed us. She sacrificed herself to try to save us, now she can't forgive herself for it."

"Roy said something to Jen that he was going to remind her of her wifely duties. I didn't realize what he meant by that until now. But I thought sex was a way of showing someone how much you love them," Alex questioned.

"Sometimes people use sex to hurt someone, control them, manipulate them. Sometime people don't care who they have sex with they are just filling their own sexual desires and in turn they hurt the other person. A man should always be a gentleman to a lady and not treat them that way. If they say "Stop" or "No" you stop. You may have desires for them, but its not right if not something you both want. If you really love someone you respect them, and it is only special when something you both want. When you share it with someone you are married to, it's the most incredible thing. Something you share between just the two of you."

"Jen was married to Roy?"

"Yes, she was, and I am sure their marriage started out that way or at least for Jen. But Roy got abusive with her physically, mentally, and sexually. This went on for a long time. He nearly destroyed her then.

"So, was he like that when she got pregnant with Hailey?" Alex asked.

"Yes, and for some time before that." Alex started to cry and just hugged his dad. Cody had tears too.

"So that is why she was so nervous when I first met Hailey."

"Yes son, and why she got so mad at me for digging into her background. She was afraid that Roy would show up."

"So, is that how he found her?"

"No, it was the transfer of the lodge to the rangers. So, she needs to forgive herself for that too."

"Dad, do you think you want to marry her some day? I would be okay with it if you did. You could give her moms' rings too."

"I would love to marry her when she is ready," Cody said. "Are you sure about the rings? I was saving them for you to give to someone special someday."

"Dad I would like Jen to have them. I know how much you loved mom, and I can see you love Jen just as much, if not more."

"Your wise young man. I had to talk to your aunt Robin before I stop feeling like I was betraying your mom."

Alex and Cody rode back on their horses. Hailey and Jen were already back. Alex just got off his horse and started to walk into the cabin. He did not tie his horse up or anything.

"Alex!" Cody shouted. Alex did not listen. He just kept walking. "Hailey, can you help me with the horses." Cody knew his son was going to need some time alone with Jen. Hailey went with Cody to help him in the barn.

Alex walked into the cabin and went to Jen and just hugged her and started to cry. "I am so sorry, for everything you went through." Jen just tried to comfort him. She and Cody had talked before, she was okay with Cody telling Alex what ever Cody felt appropriate.

"Alex it is okay. I would do anything to keep you safe."

"Dad and I talked about moving to South Lake Tahoe before school starts, will you and Hailey come with us?"

"That something your dad and I will need to discuss, but Hailey and I have decided to move there as well." Jen answered.

"Good. I hope you do come with us. You have made my dad so happy, and I missed having you guys around when you moved back to the Lodge. I know my dad really loves you and I love you too," Jen just hugged Alex again.

"I love you too Alex," Jen wiped the tears from his eyes.

Back in the barn Cody and Hailey were cooling down the horses and getting them brushed down.

"Hailey, do you have any questions for me about what you and your mom talked about?"

"Did you kill my father?" Hailey asked.

"I did not kill him." Cody answered.

"Then who did?"

"Roy started to point his gun at Kelly, Jasper, and myself. Roy would not put his gun down when Jasper ordered him to do so. Jasper was able to fire his gun first."

"So, Jasper saved us?"

"Yes, he did. If was not for him. We would be having a very different conversation."

"Mom wants me to go to school and we decided we are going to move to South Lake Tahoe so we can stay some what close to you and Alex. Mom needs to find a job first before we can go. I will miss living here, but I will miss you and Alex more."

"Can you keep a secret?"

"Sure."

"Alex and I talked too. Alex would like to finish high school in Tahoe. So, we will be moving to South Lake Tahoe as well. Then we won't be too far apart.

"Will you date my mom?"

"When she is ready, then yes. I love you and your mom very much and hope the two of you will stay in our lives."

That evening when the kids went to bed Cody and Jen sat on the couch next to each other.

"So how did your talk with Hailey go?" Cody asked.

"It went well. She asked a lot of good questions. She is okay with us moving to Tahoe."

"Alex would like to finish up high school in person. So, we are going to move too." Cody said.

"Alex, asked if we be moving with you." Jen smiled.

"Is he trying to move in on my lady?"

"Your lady?" Jen said with a grin.

Cody got his phone out and started playing the song, "Can't Help Falling in Love," by Haley Reinhart.

"Can I have this dance my lady?" Jen shook her head yes.

Cody got up and reached out his hand to Jen and the two began to slow dance. Like they did on the night of the Winter Fling. Jen put her head on Cody's chest. When the song ended Jen looked up at Cody and he looked down at her. "Jen, can I kiss you?" Jen shook her head yes. Jen and Cody had a long passionate kiss. But that is as far as it went.

"Cody, I am sorry, I can't go any further."

"It's okay Jen. You have come a long way in the last few months. We can take our time." Cody paused for a moment. "My feelings for you have not changed. I still love you and I want you in my life."

"My feelings have not changed either. I love you too." Jen smiled at Cody. They continued to dance in each others arms even though there was no music playing.

"Cody, can you lay next to me tonight," Jen asked.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Jen answered.

Jen had really come a long way. Jen and Cody just laid in bed facing each other. Cody reached his hand up to Jen and brushed the hair out of her face. They fell asleep next to each other.