Splinters

Ares shifted nervously in the chair. He was surprised Xena hadn't sent him packing for pulling the stunt with Mavican. It had been stupid of him, he'd done it in a fit of rage. If he'd only known what he had been jeopardizing! "Can I get you anything?" Ares asked. "Water? Something to eat?" His nerves rattled in his gut. Xena was pregnant, again. But this time, it was with his child. The weight of it was sobering.

"I'm fine. But, this is better. It feels good to be able to lay flat." Xena admitted as she relaxed her head onto the pillow and gingerly felt along her wound.

"Good, are you sure you don't want some wine, or something? The offer to heal that still stands, you know. And we don't have to tell them." Ares cocked his head toward the living room.

Xena grinned at his persistence. "It isn't about them. I earned it."

"Not really," Ares countered. 'I distracted you."

"No, I let you distract me. Let my emotions get the better of me. Lesson one."

Gabrielle popped her head around the corner of the door. "How you feelin'?"

"I'll be fine," Xena smiled at her friend.

"Aleta and I are going to walk over and see if Greba is still around."

Xena looked at Ares.

He shrugged his shoulders to indicate that he had no idea about Greba's whereabouts.

"I figured you'd know if Greba was still next door." Xena arched an eyebrow in displeasure. "I'm fine Gabrielle, tell Greba hi for me, if she's still there."

When Gabrielle left, Xena turned her glare back to Ares who threw up his hand defensively. "Xena, you abandoned me here, what was I supposed to do? I blame my mortal weakness, at the time."

"You probably banged her in this bed, didn't you?"

Ares looked guiltily at the floorboards.

"I knew it," Xena spat and looked away from him.

"It was just sex, Xena. She means nothing to me. You know that!"

"Did you tell her that? Or, did you let her think that you actually gave a shit about her?"

"Duh, if I told her it was just sex, do you think she would've fucked me?"

"Ares, don't you see? That is the point!" Xena turned back toward him and gave him another icy glare.

Ares felt another lesson coming on. Gods sometimes this woman was tiring. "What do you mean?"

Xena sighed. "Casual sex is fine as long as everyone understands that it is casual. It's wrong to let someone think that you care about them just so you can have carnal pleasures with them."

"Xena, I never loved anyone before you. I don't mean it to sound like an excuse but this is all new territory to me."

Xena smiled. "I know. I do. And, honestly, sometimes your obliviousness is adorable."

"Well, I know one thing, for sure." Ares reached for her hand.

"Yeah, what's that?" Xena took his hand and ran her thumb along the top of it.

"I couldn't ask for a better teacher."

"Sometimes, I think we are learning together." Xena squeezed his hand. "You know I've had loves before, even been in love before, but nothing compares to the depth of feeling that I have for you. So, I'm kinda learning as we go too. Ares you have the power to hurt me like no one else. That's why I keep my distance. If you betrayed me, again. it would hurt more than Caesar, more than Gabrielle. When I found out that you'd slept with Eve. . ." Xena couldn't find the words to make him feel the hurt that she still carried knowing that he'd fucked her daughter and turned her into a murdering warlord.

"Xena, I didn't know. . I swear."

"I know, I've forgiven you for that. But it is still painful and not just the sex. The darkness that you awoke in her. She inherited my evil." Xena's free hand went reflexively to her belly.

Ares tried to ignore it. He feared she'd see their child as evil and it appeared that she was already convinced that their child would be dark. "You weren't evil, Xena. I've seen evil, pure evil."

"Dahak?"

"I've been around for a while. The zealousness of his followers, I thought he was going to be much harder to get rid of. I'd only seen that kind of rise in power a couple of times. It's rare. It's usually much more catastrophic."

"I know that you were scared for your life which isn't something gods usually have to deal with, so I understand the alliance you made. But, it caused me to lose a lot of respect for you, at the time."

"I lost some self-respect as well."

"I know you did." Xena reached up and caressed his beard.

"Ander? Are you still upset with me for giving him what he deserved?"

"At my core, I know that he deserved what you did to him. But I have spent years fighting for a more just way of dealing with monsters like him. I would have preferred he stand trial. It isn't right for one person to stand as judge, jury, and executioner, Ares."

"What if that person is a god?"

"Even more reason for you to use discretion. With great power. . ."

"Great responsibility, yeah, I know. Speaking of great power," Ares rubbed her belly tenderly, purposefully avoiding the stitches that marred her flesh. "Parenting is not really something that I've ever done. Honestly, you're the first woman who has ever given me the urge to settle down and raise a family."

"How many children do you have anyway?"

"You don't want to know."

Xena pursed her lips, "You're right. I don't. Do you have relationships with any of them?"

"A few but not really in the mortal sense."

His answer pierced her heart a little. He would always have to modify everything he said. How he looked at things as a god would always have to be translated to what it meant for a mortal. And as hard as it was for Xena to deal with that, she wondered what ramifications it would have on their child. Would the baby grow up always feeling inadequate? "Do you love them?"

"I've never thought about it. They've served their purposes. Some have made me proud to be their father, some not so much."

Xena found the answer exasperating. How could he never have thought about his feelings for his children? Because he had abandoned them to their various mothers, she answered her own question."How can you be proud to be their father when you did nothing to make them the person they became?"

Ares looked at her oddly. It was apparent that it was a question he'd never asked himself, or even conceived of. "Well, in fairness, Xena, you didn't raise Eve or Solon but you are still proud of them, aren't you?"

"Yes, you're right." The truth of his words hurt but she couldn't deny the veracity of them.

"You were even proud of Livia, a little, weren't you?"

"No, Ares, I wasn't proud of Livia."

"Oh, come now." Ares pinned her with a look that dared her to lie to him. He'd seen them face off in Rome and Ares knew that Xena had understood Livia's greatness, the hold she had over her men, over Rome, a city Xena herself had never quite managed to conquer.

"Not proud. Envious!" Xena reluctantly admitted thoughts that she'd never spoken aloud. "She'd accomplished so much at such a young age. Rome trembled at her feet. I have no doubt that had I not woken up from that long sleep that she would be half way through Chin by now. The Elijans would be wiped from the face of the Earth and you'd be lording it over all of creation."

"Well, Xena, if you envy her so much, all you have to say is one word and it's all yours, Rome, Chin, all of creation."

"Ares it's wrong to want those things. I am not proud of those feelings. They torment me."

"That's why I'm bad for you? I rouse those feelings in you."

"You don't rouse them, they're always there. But you encourage them. I need someone like Gabrielle to quell them."

"Why go against your nature?" Ares took her wrist and kissed the sensitive skin there.

"Areees," Xena growled. "This is why this is such a bad idea. You make murder sound natural and logical."

"I'm not talking about murder, Xena. I am talking about ruling the world through peace and force."

"You're talking about wholesale slaughter and world domination. You know that's what scares me the most about this child, Ares. You and I combined into one person. She could be a complete monster. What if she wants to rule the world? Strike fear into the hearts of men? Wage war from the British Isles to the tip of India? What if her desires and mine are the same? What if you stoke in her the same fever that you ignite in me? The world won't tremble Ares, it will crumble beneath such a force."

Ares noticed the lustful look in her eyes. Xena still wanted the same things that he did. The difference was that she hated herself for her desires. He didn't want her to hate herself. Why couldn't she love herself that way he loved her? "Let's forget about the rest of the world, Xena."

"That's the problem Ares, we don't live in a vacuum."

"We could, Xena. I could take you to places. Pristine, untouched places."

"Our children deserve to live in a world full of people. I wouldn't want them to grow up removed from society."

Children? His heart leapt. She wanted more babies with him! She wanted a future too.

"Okay, so does that mean Olympus is off limits?"

Xena reached down and touched her belly. "I've spent the last few days thinking about how this is going to work itself out. And try as hard as I might, I can't come up with any solutions. I can't marry you. I know that's what you want. Me to come to Olympus as your bride. Us to rule as King and Queen. Ares, I am no one's queen."

"You're wrong, you're mine." Ares bent into a bow from his chair. Xena nudged him with her elbow, although if she was being honest, she kind of liked him bowing to her a little bit.

"I killed half your family, do you really think they are just going to welcome me into the fold with open arms?"

"Who cares what they think?"

"I don't want my child to grow up around people who resent her." Xena raised her voice. He wasn't taking this as seriously as she needed him to.

Ares picked up the seriousness in her tone. "I see." He started thinking of a solution. "I can rebuild the island." He offered.

"Like I said, I don't want her to grow up in isolation, either."

"Halls of War?"

Xena shook her head.

"Right here, huh?" Ares realized that she was going to raise her mortal child, in the mortal realm.

"Afraid so."

"And, I am supposed to do what? Watch you two grow old and die?"

"You knew the risks."

"I could live here, with you." Ares whispered, hopeful.

"You loved it so much here as a mortal, imagine all the fun you'll have as a god!" Xena teased him. But she knew it was the truth. He found the place dreadfully dull and he wasn't prone to hard work. Ares on the farm was a non-starter.

"So you are saying that I can stay?"

"No, that wasn't what I was saying. I was being sarcastic." Did he really want to stay? Give up the luxuries of Olympus for her grandparents' modest farmhouse?

"What if we keep different rooms? There are two more bedrooms, they just need fixing up."

"I think Aleta is staying with us, Ares. She'll be taking the third bedroom." Xena was starting to warm up to the idea of him staying but only because he genuinely seemed to want to give it a try. But there really wouldn't be any room unless either he or Gabrielle slept with her.

"Well, there is a lot of property here, I'll build my own place," Ares announced.

Xena looked at him and considered what he was saying. It could work. Maybe. An idea occurred to her. One that he might be willing to consider and one she thought would help him appreciate mortals more. One that might prove to her that he thought she and the baby were worth his time and effort.

"I'll agree to it on one condition," Xena grinned.

"You name it, Xena."

"You build your house with your bare hands. You design it on paper and then build it without using any of your godly powers."

"Do I look like a carpenter? Spinters! The God of War does not do splinters.," he complained.

She trailed a finger down his chest, "I promise, it'll be worth the effort."

Ares closed his eyes. Was there anything he wouldn't do for this mortal?