An exciting rock tune played and the crowd cheered as two spotlights shone down, illuminating only a love seat upon an elevated stage. Lester swaggered into the spotlight, wearing a proud smile on his face. He waved to the audience as River joined him.
The two took their seats upon the couch as the music faded out and the rest of the stage lights slid on.
"Helloooooo, everybodyyyyyy!" Lester began. "And welcome... to the Total Drama Party with the Stars Aftermath show!"
He paused to allow more cheering, which occurred, albeit not as saturated as before.
"It's only been a few episodes since we saw you last, and already so much has happened!" Lester gushed. "I'm Lester Jay, and I'm joined as always by your hero and mine, River Casentini!"
"If I can touch on a sentiment I expressed in our last show: I am very glad to be in the spectator's seat this time around," River nodded. "I wouldn't last five minutes with these nutcases, but I can safely judge them from far away. It's nice."
"Something I think we can all relate to, I'm sure," Lester carried on. "And by 'we all', I'm not just referring to you and me, or even just the folks at home."
"Amen," River commented, his hands in a prayer position.
"We've got a new peanut gallery to weigh in with their commentary on how the game is going and what our eliminated contestants have been up to!" Lester announced. "The first four, of course, are our first four boots of the season: Lilith, Isidora, Joseph, and Ernie!"
The four waved as the audience cheered.
"Who can truly judge another but the powers that be?" Lilith mused.
"Uh, me," Ernie answered.
"I as well," Isidora added.
"To judge others goes against the bro code," Joseph mentioned. "Of course, Lilith tests me every day."
Lilith batted her eyelashes at Joseph.
"On top of them, we've got players who are at least a little bit associated with our four latest eliminations," River continued. "In the wake of Jean-Marie's loss, we've got Trinity and Ethan!"
"Delta Iota Kappa forever!" Ethan whooped.
"You're not seriously still in college, are you?" Trinity sneered.
"What? No, but this show always reminds me of those days," Ethan explained. "You can take the man out the frat, but you can't take the frat out the man!"
A handful of men in the audience cheered raucously.
"That's my people!" Ethan roared excitedly.
"To see Steve Jenkins, we've got Gretchen, Wisdom, Dean, Fred, and Rowan!" Lester revealed.
"Delta Iota Kappa forever!" Fred whooped.
"You're joking," Gretchen said flatly.
"There have been stranger connections between people who have played this game," Rowan chuckled.
"I do feel kind of bad that more than twice the people showed up for Steve Jenkins than for Jean-Marie," Dean mentioned.
"Jean-Marie's from a smaller season, you know? It was bound to happen," Wisdom figured.
"Speaking of a smaller season, we have some of Irving's former, uh, crew with us," River continued. "Robby, Gunther, and Nils, everyone."
"Charmed, everyone," Robby waved.
"I expected better from Irving," Nils said sternly.
"This game goes to some wild places sometimes," Gunther commented. "Truly, anything can happen."
"And tonight's big loser, Nolan, will see CJ, Preston, and Ziggy here tonight!" Lester concluded.
"Heh. He bet me a hundred bucks he could at least make it to the merge," CJ mentioned. "I guess gambling does pay off sometimes."
"Don't you legally own the same assets as a married couple?" Ziggy asked.
"It's more about the principle of the thing," Preston explained. "Though I have to give it to CJ here. You know he was fighting a losing battle and you took him up on it anyway. How awfully devious, taking advantage of your husband's naivete like that. I'm impressed."
"It's just a hundred bucks, dude. Chill," CJ condescended.
"It's good to see you guys again!" Lester beamed. "Does anyone have any big updates to their life since-"
"Well! Since you asked!" Gretchen interrupted. "As I'm sure you can see, my transition has gone amazingly, and I'm even more charming and attractive than I was a few years ago."
"I noticed. I'm happy for you," Dean told her.
"Your approval could not be less relevant to me," Gretchen shot down. "Anyway, I'm sure I don't need to tell you about the season of Big Brother I won. You've all seen it."
"Is she allowed to mention other reality shows in this reality show?" River asked Lester.
"Nestor did it. Gretchen should be able to as well, right?" Wisdom figured.
"Yeah, fair enough," River allowed.
"And not to linger on Shuffle Party for too long, but Fred, my man, you've got several songs on my Spotify playlist," Lester complimented.
"For real?! That's what's up!" Fred beamed.
"The Fred Vines and DJ Fuchsia combination has been well worth the investment," Robby agreed. "And my parents said this show would be a waste of my time."
"They were certainly right for a while," Lilith giggled. "Maybe they still will be when the fire of Fred's relevance burns out and you're left in the red."
"Yes, well, at least I wasn't the first one voted out of my season," Robby responded, perturbed.
"No, but you'll make a lovely ghost anyway," Lilith told him.
"Let's move on to the House Party crowd," River suggested.
"Yes, let's. A lot has happened over the years," Preston claimed.
"Ziggy, what's been interesting with you?" River asked.
Preston's face twisted.
"Oh, not too much," Ziggy said. "I work a 9-to-5 office job. It isn't glamorous, but it's important work."
"As long as you're happy, bro, that's what's important," Joseph encouraged.
"I'm not unhappy," Ziggy figured.
"But you know who probably is? Our first guest for the night!" Lester segued.
This resulted in boos from the crowd and a few among the peanut gallery.
River cleared his throat. "He came into his first try at the game determined to charm his way into running the game," he recovered. "This didn't reflect well on him when the show aired, and he's found himself in some hot water with his family since then. Now determined to play a less manipulative game, his inoffensiveness actually had him branded as a threat, and, in a chaotic vote, he saw himself going home fifth once again. Let's welcome Jean-Marie Antoine!"
The crowd cheered as Jean-Marie came on stage and took a seat on the couch opposite the peanut gallery.
"Bonne soirée, everybody," Jean-Marie greeted.
"You tried," Trinity told him.
"Oui, I certainly did, but alas, this game may simply not be for me," Jean-Marie acknowledged.
"Things can often go one's way and still end regrettably due to factors beyond one's control," Rowan added.
"You don't have to tell me twice." Jean-Marie forced a chuckle. "In fact, I'd say it's been a consistent theme ever since I first played this game."
"I did not mean to offend. My apologies," Rowan said with her hand over her heart.
"Think nothing more of it," Jean-Marie nodded.
"Please talk to me like a normal person before I go insane," CJ pleaded Gretchen.
"Pfft. I know. How pretentious can you possibly get?" Gretchen agreed.
"Alright, Jean-Marie. Let's cut to it," Lester interrupted. "It's no secret that you had a lot riding on this game. Has the wound of another early exit healed any since a few days ago?"
"The initial shock has worn off, but I must confess that not a night has passed without tears," Jean-Marie admitted. "I still will not speak to Nolan."
"At least he's out of the game and can't screw anyone else over with his dice gimmick," Joseph noted.
"It only took you guys, what, four votes to get rid of him?" Isidora commented.
"We can focus on that when we get to him later tonight," River stepped in.
"I recall being resentful following my exit from Explore Party," Jean-Marie continued. "How I feel now... Resentment is present, but it's different. Perhaps it's simply that I'm older and, if I may say so, matured since then, but I don't ache with rage's fire. More of betrayal's dagger. Especially knowing that Cyan and Louise had a part in my elimination."
"You played a lower-key game than you did last time," River noted. "Do you think your past caught up to you regardless? In hindsight, do you wish you'd played more aggressively, or would that have ended even worse in the end?"
"That would depend on what you mean by 'aggressive'," Jean-Marie figured. "I think I could have stood to be more proactive, but then, as suggested, my reputation may precede me. People may have been more hesitant to trust me. Some already were, regardless. Looking back, I do think I should have been more active, but I don't think playing aggressively would have done me any favors."
"Some teams simply can't handle hard leadership," Nils commented.
"Your definition of 'hard leadership' and his seem radically different," Gunther told him.
"It's, ya know, a hard balance to strike," Ernie acknowledged. "It worked for me one time and didn't work the second time. Like, there's no one way to do well in this game."
"Unless 'ability to read the room' counts," Dean chuckled awkwardly.
"Nope, not even that means anything inherently," Preston lamented. "I knew everything about all my teammates at a glance, and I was still taken out of the game far too soon."
"Well yeah, because you're a prick," CJ told him.
"You outlasted me, at least," Ziggy offered.
"So did everyone!" Preston objected.
"It could have been you in last place," Ziggy shrugged.
"Any placement lower than first is a loss. That's the simple fact of the matter," Nils claimed.
"Then why do I feel more accomplished than all of these people?" Wisdom giggled quietly to Dean.
"Do you think he and Shadya would get along?" Dean asked.
"I think they'd be at each other's throats, more than anything," Wisdom answered.
"Let's move on!" Lester redirected. "What's your honest stance on the morality of playing Total Drama? Most will argue that some lines shouldn't be crossed, but where is the line drawn? Is the line different from day-to-day life?"
"That is a tough one," Jean-Marie admitted. "It seems that everyone has a different answer. It's important to understand everyone else's answer when facing the game."
"And what's yours?" River reiterated flatly.
"Mine stopped being relevant once everyone else's answers were made clear," Jean-Marie claimed. "It doesn't matter how you think of what you're doing, it matters how everyone else thinks of what you're doing."
"It shouldn't, but humans are weak creatures, driven by their emotions," Nils grunted.
"You could always exploit that easily taken advantage of weakness," Preston offered.
"I did. It didn't end well. For any of us," Jean-Marie pointed out.
"Learning from your mistakes is important," Trinity acknowledged. "And arrogance is a tough mistake to learn from. It still trips me up now and again. Among other people."
"It may go too far in the other direction, though," Rowan figured. "If you wait to take your shot, you may end up dead on the ground before you can reach for your gun."
"A true protagonist knows how to play in moderation," Gretchen agreed.
This earned her a few weird looks that she didn't notice.
"Alright, fan question!" Lester announced. "This one comes from Nobody245."
"Was that one of the people whose question we used last time?" River asked.
"Irrelevant," Lester pushed aside. "They want to know: 'Did you know about Quentin's crush on you during the game? And is there a possibility of you returning it?' Interesting."
"Ah, oui, that," Jean-Marie addressed. "I did notice him acting similarly to how women I would flirt with would act, and the possibility that he felt like that occurred to me, but I chose not to overthink it. However, non, there is no chance of me requiting any such feelings. Quentin has been a good friend to me, but I'm not interested in men in that sort of way."
"Relationships are overrated, if you ask me," Preston claimed. "I'm glad I've never felt a remote desire to be in one. They just sound like a lot of extra hassle."
"I don't know. I haven't been happier than I have when I've been with Wisdom," Dean blushed.
"That's so embarrassing," Wisdom blushed back. "...The old you would never have said that kind of thing in public, you know?"
"Something embarrassing? Sure he would," Gretchen chimed in.
"What can I say? You've brought me out of my shell," Dean smiled.
"It's just one of those things that's different for everyone, you feel?" Fred claimed. "I've gotten close with a few gals in my day. It all comes down to whatever's right for the both of y'all, dig?"
"And if it isn't right for you, that's when you realize your worth and get out of there," Joseph added.
"What he said," Fred agreed.
"With apologies to anyone who had hoped otherwise, it simply wouldn't be right for me," Jean-Marie affirmed.
"He can do better anyway," CJ claimed.
"Who? Quentin, or Jean-Marie?" Trinity asked.
"Yes," CJ half-answered.
"Last question, and this one will be the same for all our guests," River brought back. "Who do you want to win, and who do you want to see leave next?"
"Kun was my best and most reliable friend and ally. He has my regards," Jean-Marie answered. "On the other hand, Kiki gave him a lot of grief. I never knew her well, so if I must pick one person I'd prefer to see lose next, perhaps her."
"So you don't hold any ill will at Dalit?" River asked. "She gave you a lot of grief."
"It'd be a lie to say that I don't dislike her, but it's also hard to see her as a threat," Jean-Marie said bluntly. "Especially with how things are going on her team. Saying I want her to go home next seems... redundant."
"OHHHHHHHHHHH!" Joseph, Ethan, and Fred all reacted.
"I will pay you all to never do that again," Trinity growled.
"Whatever she's paying, I'll, like, triple it," Ernie echoed.
"You're paying for law school," Isidora pointed out.
"That's how you know I'm serious," Ernie insisted.
"I don't want to wish anyone a swift loss if I don't have to," Jean-Marie added. "Any one of those still in the game could benefit a lot from winning, including Kiki."
"Of course, only one person can win, so let's not pretend like nineteen dreams aren't being dashed," Preston chuckled. "And that's not including those of us who weren't invited back to play."
"That's the cutthroat nature of the game," Gunther pointed out. "If they could just give a million dollars to all twenty players, then there wouldn't really be a compelling TV show."
"There would be if I was back on it," Gretchen claimed.
"She still thinks that. How precious~" Lilith cooed.
"On that subject, let's bring in our next guest, shall we?" Lester spoke up.
"Might as well get the band-aid off," River figured.
"When it comes to self-confidence, few can match up to our next guest," Lester built up. "Back in his original season, he stayed out of the drama enough to avoid elimination, and made his way to the merge, only for his limited connections to bite him in the butt once it did kick off. This season, he was more determined than ever to play a powerful game, but a misestimation of how much his newly-shuffled team would keep him over Brittany led to his downfall. Give it up for the one and only Steve Jenkins, everyone!"
The crowd applauded as Steve Jenkins sauntered up towards the couch and took a seat next to Jean-Marie.
"Tell me how much you love Steve Jenkins!" Steve Jenkins called out to the general room.
The crowd applauded again.
"Yes, that will never get to his head," Robby remarked.
"Never," Isidora said.
"Happy to have you here, my dude," Lester told Steve Jenkins.
"Can't say I'm happy to be here when it means that Steve Jenkins is out of the game," Steve Jenkins said bitterly. "The heaps of praise are always nice, but I'm Steve Jenkins, I get that regardless of where I am or what I'm doing."
"Is that so? From who?" River asked.
"Tons of people," Steve Jenkins said simply.
...
"I mean, you can't prove that isn't the case," Ernie shrugged. "You can, ya know, make an educated guess, but..."
"It's totally true! Don't be jealous!" Steve Jenkins argued.
"Yeah, nobody likes a lamer," Gretchen defended.
"I mean, a lamer just seems to be anyone who doesn't agree with Steve Jenkins at the moment," Dean pointed out.
"Or you by default," Gretchen told him sharply.
"Why couldn't we have been picked as one of Louise's friends?" Wisdom murmured.
"Let's focus back to the season proper," Lester suggested. "You found yourself in a lot of alliances during your time in the game. Isidora, Shadya, Hugh, Ernie, Vladimir... Were you just covering your bases, or did you have genuine faith in everyone you had deals with?"
"I had faith in most of them. With Ernie, I was totally just covering my bases, since he was pretty vocally jealous of me the whole time," Steve Jenkins explained. "Shady's always been kind of similar, though I wanted to trust her since we both were cool with Isidora. I really did think Hugh was tight before he backstabbed me!"
"Does it really count as backstabbing if you basically asked everyone to vote for you?" Trinity doubted.
"What? I said we should vote out Brittany, not me! Weren't you paying attention?" Steve Jenkins scoffed.
"Were you? Brittany and Hugh have been working together since practically when the game started," Robby tittered condescendingly.
"Well yeah, but who's going to be a bigger priority to work with?" Steve Jenkins laid out. "The charming and relatable girl who already won the game and will probably win again at this rate, or Steve Jenkins?"
"Was that... supposed to be a point?" Isidora asked nobody in particular.
"More importantly, your enemy Dalit was already on the table. Why not just vote her out?" Lester inquired.
"Because if I didn't vote Brittany out right then, then when could I?" Steve Jenkins insisted. "If we lost Dalit, then Hugh and Brittany would just want to vote out Louise next. Those two are no threats to Steve Jenkins!
"There is still most of the game left to be played," Rowan mentioned. "Not even half of our players have been eliminated yet. Much can happen in the time remaining."
"I mean, let's look at this logically though!" Steve Jenkins insisted. "If Brittany makes it to the merge, then that's going to double the number of people she can hide behind! It's something she's pretty good at."
"She's good at downplaying her threat level and has a good social game," Trinity contributed. "But hell, the same could be said for Jean-Marie this season, and look what happened."
"Yeah, exactly! He went home because people weren't afraid to take that early shot," Steve Jenkins maintained. "Like they should have with Brittany!"
"Let's talk even longer-term, why not?" River stepped in. "What was your plan for the endgame? A lot of your game was pretty go-with-the-flow, but it sounds like you were, in fact, thinking about the future."
"Ideally, Hugh and I meet back up with Vladimir at the merge, maybe rope in whatever allies Vladimir made on the Wyverns, and get rid of everyone who stands in our way. Then we pick off those side pieces until Hugh, Vlad, and I are the final three. Then Steve Jenkins dominates them both, as he always does."
"You really trusted Vladimir that much?" Gunther asked.
"Well yeah. What good would it do him to turn on Steve Jenkins?" Steve Jenkins doubted. "Nobody would let him live that down. He'd go home immediately!"
"Heh. It sounds to me like that very principle applied to Brittany was your own undoing," Preston patronized. "You should have seen this coming. By your own admission, people liked Brittany."
"Well sure, but more than me?" Steve Jenkins doubted. "I don't think I need to remind people that I'm Steve Jenkins, over here!"
"Then why do you keep doing it?" CJ tsked.
"I realize that my presence is overwhelming, but I'm not trying to remind everyone that I'm Steve Jenkins," Steve Jenkins denied. "It just happens because I am who I am. And that's Steve Jenkins!"
"They're just jealous. You don't need to dignify that," Gretchen smirked.
"Yeah, that's it," CJ responded sarcastically.
"Our next viewer question comes from a video call," River continued. "Let's see what our totally unexpected, not-pre-planned-at-all mystery caller has to ask."
The big screen above Lester and River turned on, displaying a young woman with dreadlocks and casual clothes.
"Happy to see you, Kristin!" Lester greeted.
"Wah gwaan," Kristin smiled. "I apologize that I could not come back to the show. I wish I could, but I have dedicated so much time to I chanting."
"That's right, Fred's not the only one here cutting records," Lester recalled. "You're on your second album now, right?"
"That's right," Kristin smiled.
"Music is what makes the world go 'round!" Fred beamed.
"Seen," Kristin agreed.
"So one of JM's friends is going to ask me a question, then?" Steve Jenkins questioned.
"Ah, Jean-Marie is here as well?" Kristin asked.
"And Trinity and Ethan, if that matters," River included.
"Bonne soirée, my friend," Jean-Marie smiled.
"All children matter in the eyes of Jah," Kristin smiled. "Which is actually what I'm curious about with Steve Jenkins."
"I do inspire curiosity in a lot of people. In a lot of different ways," Steve Jenkins bragged.
"What makes you know your perceived hitey-titey?" Kristin frowned.
"Uh... Because I know everything? I am Steve Jenkins, after all," Steve Jenkins answered, not entirely sure what Kristin was asking.
"I ask where you get such arrogance from," Kristin clarified. "All people have some Jah within, but no child is fully Jah but Selassie I. How can you act as though you're the same? Who does that help?"
"I mean look, confidence is the key to a happy life," Steve Jenkins explained. "That applies to everyone, not just Steve Jenkins. If you love yourself, then others will see where you're coming from and love you, too."
"You and I understand loving oneself differently," Kristin hummed. "To I, what greater love is there than unity with all bredren and sistren? With equality? Sight?"
"Equality on a systematic level is cool and all, but on an individual level, we need someone to inspire the people of the world," Steve Jenkins said. "And I, Steve Jenkins, am willing to shoulder that burden."
"Yeah, some people are just straight up not as important as other people," Gretchen chimed in. "That's how doing things and earning respect works."
"The world needs capable leaders in order to get things done," Nils added. "Without order, we're no better than animals."
Lilith giggled.
"It hurts to hear that," Kristin frowned. "I hope you know different someday."
"Don't fall for it. Rastafarians can't drink," Ethan stage-whispered.
"...Likkle more," Kristin sighed.
The call was terminated.
"Well, I'm glad to see she's just as holier-than-thou as ever," Trinity groused.
"She does raise some interesting points, though," Wisdom empathized. "Who does it really help to only build yourself up and not others?"
"I build others up all the time!" Steve Jenkins insisted. "Which you'd know if you actually watched my vlog!"
"He has a vlog?" Dean asked.
"Final question for Steve Jenkins," Lester said. "Who do you want to win, and who do you want to see go home next?"
"Well, obviously Brittany's gotta go next," Steve Jenkins said. "I really do think someone else deserves their first win. As for who should take that win... Vlad was cool. It looks like he's playing a damn good game, too."
"I wonder what the hell he said to Frita that freaked her out tonight, though," Joseph mentioned.
"He was probably harassing her online anonymously. It happens to artists a lot," CJ guessed. "He probably repeated something he'd said to her in a comment or something."
"Truly only time will tell," River said dismissively.
"Time tells all, but dead men tell no tales," Lester said. "But our next guest isn't actually dead, so let's hear all the tales he's got!"
"...What?" River asked.
"Our next guest is one of the breakout figures of his original season," Lester continued. "Laying low until it was time for action, and when it was, he made a spectacle for us. Back for All-Stars and determined to be more conscious of the other players this go around, he helped form a powerful alliance early on, and even took out two players who were both after him. The team shuffle wasn't kind to him, though, and, after ending up on a team with none of his old allies, and one of his biggest rivals, he couldn't sweet-talk his way out of the corner he was in."
"No, seriously, what was any of what you said about telling tales?" River fixated.
"Put your hands together for Irving Drake, everyone!" Lester introduced.
Irving gesticulated grandly as he made his way onto the stage. He took a spot on the couch behind Jean-Marie and Steve Jenkins.
"Are ye ready, kids?!" Irving greeted emphatically.
"Aye aye, captain!" came a reflexive response from most of the crowd, some of the peanut gallery, and Lester.
"I can't hear youuuuuuuuuuuu!" Irving feigned emphatically.
"Yes you could," River said with his hand up.
"AYE AYE, CA- ...Oh," Lester stopped himself when he gathered he was the only one shouting.
"I'll take it," Irving accepted. He glanced at the peanut gallery. "And I be glad to see me old brothers in Snakehood here as well!"
"Are you?" Nils doubted.
"We have not spoken since that season," Robby added.
"I still chat with him sometimes," Gunther shrugged.
"Because nobody else will chat with you," Lilith smiled.
"Ah, we all be thick as thieves, we be," Irving grinned. "Thieves of the high seas, o'course!"
"Do not lump me in with your childish roleplaying," Nils denied.
"Yeah, because being a cynical might-makes-right edgelord isn't childish at all," Gretchen scoffed.
"Everyone in this room is an idiot, I just want to make that clear," CJ said. "Because each of us played this stupid game. That was the moment we lost."
"Don't be jealous just because you embarrassed yourself irreversibly back when you played," Preston jabbed.
"We all did, is what I'm saying," CJ shrugged. "At least I met the love of my life. What did you gain?"
"Alright, me hearties, there be no need to argue over who be the biggest idiot," Irving mediated. "Because the clear answer to that be whoever decided that the team shuffle was a good idea! Gyarharhar!"
"Preach!" Steve Jenkins agreed.
"That leads us nicely into our first question," Lester took over. "The random team shuffle put you in a pretty unfavorable position. Do you think there's anything you could have done to avoid going home, or was your fate sealed when the new teams were established?"
"Well, I tried me damnedest," Irving said. "If the team was the same, except anyone other than Cyan was there, then methinks I could have gotten by. But she be the one person who'd never want to work with me, despite me best efforts. Can't say I blame her, but it sure made things a lot tougher for me."
"Considering some of the twists this show has pulled in the past, I'd say that random bullshit that you can't prepare for is par for the course," Trinity mentioned. "Need I mention the Topher Statue?"
"You just did," Fred chuckled.
"At least it's not as bad as it used to be, right?" Dean offered. "Chris used to just eliminate people if he got tired of them."
"I wish I was in one of those seasons," CJ commented.
"What happened to the love of your life?" Wisdom pointed out.
"I can be glad I met Nolan and still dread everything else about House Party," CJ huffed.
"I feel similarly about my season," Rowan sympathized. "I don't know if marriage is in the cards for me and Jeremy, but who knows?"
"Wait, you were in Shuffle Party?!" Gretchen asked. She racked her brain thoroughly.
"But anyway, I don't think there was much I could have done short of pulling a statue out of me arse," Irving continued. "Which would have been hard given that I never went to Isolation Park. I guess I was just too invaluable in each challenge to be voted as the worst."
"You never went to the penthouse, either," Isidora pointed out.
"...We didn't win a lot of challenges," Irving admitted. "And when we did, Shadya more than did her part. It be hard to compete. But hey, ye know what they say about the tallest sunflower."
"That it stays in the game instead of you?" Robby smirked.
"Aye, for what good be the second-tallest when there be another that proves it could be doing better?" Irving played along.
"You went into this game with the goal of not pissing people off as much while still playing a strong game," River noted. "Do you think you succeeded?"
"Well, I did get along well with me main crew on the original Gryphons," Irving answered. "Or at least I did with Mister Brittany. Bailey'd always be kind of distant, and Hugh'd always be kind of a prick, but I trusted them, and that be important. As for the rest of me team... eh, I tried. Usually."
"I don't know if you actually talked to me once," Isidora stated.
"Didn't have much of a chance to," Irving shrugged.
"And whose fault is that?" Isidora winced.
"I, for one, blame Chris, for making us vote each other out at all!" Irving bewailed overdramatically. "Why can't we all just get along? Why can't we all just be the family we were always meant to be?!"
"That's not how the real world works, let alone a reality TV show," Nils scoffed.
"To me biggest credit, I did genuinely try to get on Cyan's good side," Irving carried on. "Frita's, too. I guess Vladimir had the one-over. He be a lot less bombastic, which probably made me look like the bigger threat that I definitely be. And also makes him look a lot more boring. Keh."
"Cyan seems to be going her own way with this game," Jean-Marie noted. "Even watching compiled footage from before I was voted out, I still do not fully understand her."
"I can't say it isn't working for her, but how much longer will it? That be the question," Irving said.
"Many people throughout the game accused you of running the show," River started. "Do you think they were right or were reports of your success greatly exaggerated?"
"Well, reports were true before that shuffle, I'll tell ye that much for damn sure!" Irving guffawed. "Really, though, all I did was do what I needed to put meself in a good position. If that means running things, well, it can't be helped if I be so charming and handsome."
"Story of my life!" Steve Jenkins chimed in.
"Charm can certainly be a factor," Rowan offered. "Not always, but it can make a difference."
"I've said it before and I'll say it again: I had a reputation, and that be the big thing," Irving added. "Hugh branded me a villain on day one, and Isidora and Ernie sure had some choice words about me on the way out, they did."
"You hear that? People really do listen," Ernie droned to Isidora.
"I feel so validated," Isidora played along, pretending to wipe a tear from her eye.
"You probably shouldn't. You were so useless at the game that you couldn't even convince everyone to vote for the big threat instead of you," Lilith giggled.
"Still did better than you," Isidora winced.
Lilith bit her lip.
"But that truly be the worst part of losing this game: now I have to spend time with that wench over there," Irving acknowledged as he grimaced at Lilith.
"'That wench over there'? Is that like 'that hoe over there'?" Joseph chuckled.
"I wouldn't overthink it," Gunther told him.
"At least I balance it out," Steve Jenkins assured Irving.
"Ye be right, every cloud do have a silver lining," Irving patronized. "Too bad I prefer gold!"
"It's not the metal that's important, but the beautiful gem it holds," Jean-Marie waxed. "That's actually not true in jewelry sales, but it's a nice thought regardless, non?"
"Alright, let's get to another viewer question!" Lester declared. "TheGreatTactician has one for Irving here: 'Based king, you were robbed. Anyway, how long did you have to practice speaking in the pirate voice before you could reflexively do it without breaking character?' Ooh, an interesting thought."
"Finally, someone appreciates the effort I put in to be a fun villain and not just another golden boy!" Irving beamed. "The pirate voice was actually a party trick I'd picked up a few years before I ever tried to get on Total Drama. When I did try to get on the show, I knew I'd need something to stand out, right? So I decided to go all-in with the pirate persona. I do be a pirate of sorts anyway thanks to me media website, keheh. Still running, by the way! But I felt like the character would suit the show well. I did have to practice doing the accent consistently for a month or so before both times I came out to play. I've slipped up here and there, but that's to be expected."
"Putting on a front because you're insecure about how painfully boring you'd be regardless? Maybe he has more in common with Vladimir than he wants us to think," Gretchen teased.
"Pot, meet kettle," CJ murmured.
"Were we supposed to put up a front? I just kept hoping people wouldn't notice," Wisdom commented.
"You aren't boring, sweetie. You just take time to warm up to people. Nothing wrong with that," Dean smiled.
Wisdom smiled back.
"He's lyyyyyiiiing," Lilith whispered to Wisdom.
"Shut up, Lilith," Wisdom responded.
"At any rate, I'd be lying if I said I haven't grown attached to the pirate persona over time," Irving continued. "It be a whole nother side of me that represents all the good times here on Total Drama. And the bad times, too, I suppose, but who'd focus on that?"
"I would," Nils growled.
"I don't know if I'll be asked back a third time, but if I am, ye can bet that the Dread Pirate will be scouring the season as best he can!" Irving beamed.
"We can't wait," River claimed. "Final question: who are you rooting for the most, and who do you rooting against most?"
"Agh, it be tough choosing between Mister Brittany or Cyan for who I want to win," Irving admitted. "Mister Brittany and I got along pretty well back when we were still on the same team. And, of course, Cyan be me white whale; if she's bested me, she'd better best the whole damn game!"
"You do have to pick one. For no particular reason," River told him.
"No particular reason, eh?" Irving picked up. "I'll say Brittany. She's got that unfair stigma against her for already winning. Plus I still be a little bit pissed at Cyan for how she got rid of me."
"Like you haven't played dirty to get rid of people before," Joseph tsked.
"I never claimed I didn't! But when I do it, it's cool, and when she does it, it hurts me!" Irving joked. "Oh, I need someone I want to go home next, aye? I feel like Frita only be getting by because she be not trying to do anything. That be no fun! Step up or step off, I say!"
"Thanks for the insight, Irving," Lester smiled. "Our fourth and final guest for the night turned heads right out of the gate in his first season when he announced that all his major game decisions would be decided by a roll of the dice. This didn't do much for him when he randomly selected to vote himself out. This time, he took himself out of his own target pool and came back to show how far he could make it without any agency. He survived and even managed to direct a few votes, but the whims of fate didn't seem to be trustworthy enough for his allies to keep him around. Put your hands together for Nolan Gallagher!"
The crowd reacted with scattered applause as Nolan arrived on stage, though it was hard to tell over CJ's loud cheering.
"Who was that?" Fred flinched as he picked his ear.
"I didn't know CJ was capable of that kind of enthusiasm," Preston remarked.
"What, did you guys not see her huge painting in the museum?" Nolan brought up. "She worked diligently on that for half a year."
"And now we can afford that fancy toaster oven with the air fryer option. You're welcome," CJ boasted.
"Her parents have one. It's very convenient," Nolan acknowledged.
"Let's cut right to the chase, my man!" Lester kickstarted. "You've said before that you knew you probably weren't going to win with your dice stipulation. Would you have had a shot without it? Ever consider dropping it?"
"Anyone can win if the stars align right for them," Nolan claimed. "That's what gambling is all about, frankly. Of course, if one puts in work in this game, one can guide the path of the stars. And pretty much everyone is putting in work. Maybe I could have made the merge if I wasn't playing randomly, but it's hard to claim that I could realistically win against a lot of these bigger players. I was never going to drop the dice, though. Just like Irving would never drop his pirate shtick, or Gretchen would never drop her protagonist shtick. It's a part of who we are in the game."
"What shtick?" Gretchen denied.
"Spankety dropped her clown shtick. I liked it when she did that," CJ mentioned.
"That was a ploy for attention as much as the clown facade was," Preston claimed.
"And what do we call your ploy for attention, then?" Robby asked.
"The gifted should have eyes directed onto them," Preston insisted.
"Is that what he calls it?" Ernie commented.
"Look, Nolan was at least trying to make the game fun. What's your excuse?" CJ scoffed.
"Don't get me started on your appearance in House Party," Preston scoffed back.
"CJ's right, I'm just trying to keep things fun," Nolan interrupted. "I know not everyone loved the dice gimmick, but it was what it was. I thought it was fun playing around it, and it resulted in some big moves. I don't think anyone can deny that."
"That does lead into the next question," River brought up. "Detractors of the dice gimmick claim that it kept you from actually playing the game. I doubt you agree with that, so what's your side of the whole thing?"
"Well, I did still have to reach out and talk with people to make sure they didn't want to vote me out," Nolan claimed. "Sure, we all knew on some level that nobody could trust me absolutely, so I tried to rely on social gameplay as best as possible. I've never been the picture of perfect social finesse, I'll admit, but I didn't make it this far with no effort involved. Maybe I didn't have to think much about the strategy aspect of the game, but that's only half the battle anyway, and even then I doubt I did the worst in that aspect out of everyone in the game."
"There is a case to be made that voting randomly can downplay one's status as a threat," Rowan mused. "Of course, that doesn't work quite as well in a smaller team than it does in a bigger team."
"You're telling me, haha," Nolan agreed. "If we didn't do the two-to-three team shuffle, I think I could have stuck around longer. And in the merge, I'd be even less of a threat. But we'll never know for sure."
"I feel like it's even easier to play social in a smaller team, though," Fred put out. "It's easier to get to understand everyone when there's not as many people. I definitely did worse when we went from four to two teams because of that."
"Maybe if you start on smaller teams. I started on a team of six in House Party, and I feel like I got at least some grasp on all my teammates," Nolan recalled. "But, especially in All-Stars, changing into a smaller team from a bigger one meant a lot of people already had their pasts with each other that I wasn't a part of. It's a lot harder to work around."
"The dynamic was three original Wyverns and one original Gryphon when you got voted out," Nils stated. "At that point, losing cannot be construed as anything but your own fault."
"Maybe, but that one Gryphon is a very skilled manipulator," Nolan tsked. "I pushed hard for what should have been a straightforward, easy vote, and he still managed to get rid of me."
"Vladimir's overrated. I was the true strategic mastermind of Explore Party and everyone knows it!" Trinity claimed.
"Then why aren't you in the season?" Gretchen asked flatly.
"Because Brittany's pretty, and pretty people put butts in seats," Trinity grumbled.
"Then why is Nolan in the season?" Lilith giggled.
"Excuse me?!" CJ snapped.
"It's just Lilith, babe. You can't let her get to you," Nolan assured.
"She can't keep getting away with this," CJ grunted.
"Amen, bro," Joseph nodded.
"Anyway, Nolan," Lester redirected. "You said you focused on your social game. Tell me about the connections you made this season. Who did you feel closest with? Who do you wish you'd been closer with?"
"Well, you know how much I like playing games, right? Louise and Quentin were both always willing to play whatever I felt like, so they're pretty cool in my book," Nolan answered. "Cyan was fun, too, but she had her mind more set on playing Total Drama than blackjack or Street Fighter or whatever. Which is fair. Eh, maybe I am a little more bitter at her than I'd like to admit. I'll get over it."
"Imagine that, wanting to play Total Drama when you're on Total Drama," Robby quipped.
"God, I wish that were me," Ethan commented. "I would have torn ass if I got to come back."
"Désolé pour ça," Jean-Marie shrugged.
"I'm pretty sure it's pronounced 'c'est la vie'," Ethan said.
Jean-Marie could only furrow his brow in confusion.
"As for people I wish I'd been closer with, I do feel like I brushed Frita off more than I should have," Nolan continued. "I don't blame my past self for not expecting her to engage me very much, but in hindsight, I should have tried harder anyway, since she was allied with Quentin, and, well, tonight speaks for itself. I also wish I could have chatted with Brittany. I'm interested in hearing her insight on game theory and metagame as the one winner playing this season."
"Maybe we'll find out if she gets voted out down the line," Lester assured.
"If you want my opinion, she's no more game smart than anyone else this season," River contributed.
"She's no slouch, mind, but I, like her, disagree with the notion that she's special because she happened to win," Trinity added.
"She'd definitely outplay me. Let's not sell her short," Dean chuckled.
"Fred could outplay you," Gretchen told him.
"I think we have hard proof that he can't," Wisdom frowned.
"Why did you bring me into this, anyway?!" Fred objected. "That shit hurted."
"Whatever the case may be, I think the novelty of the fact that she did win does give additional value to her thoughts on the game as a whole," Nolan defended. "She has discovered an avenue to success that few of us can boast."
"To be fair, most of Explore Party's cast was nuts, it's not like the competition was that fierce," Trinity claimed.
"And she managed to win despite everyone else being nuts. That's impressive," Nolan insisted.
"Hate to interrupt this conversation about a completely different season that Nolan wasn't in, but we have another video guest question!" Lester interjected. "From an old teammate of Nolan's!"
The monitor flickered back on and revealed a man who heavily resembled the visage Vladimir had taken on.
"Hey! Am I coming through?" the man asked. "We're on pretty much opposite ends of the world. Kind of a miracle, actually."
"You're coming in loud and clear, Barry!" Lester confirmed. "How's Zambia?"
"It really puts into perspective a lot of the things we take for granted," Barry said. "All power cuts off after 8 pm in this village. That means no lights, no air conditioning, and no charging your phone. Just getting the hour's worth of wi-fi to make this call ran me back quite a bit. But I committed to making this call, and I'm happy to see you guys, anyway!"
"It's way past 8 pm," Joseph noted.
"Not in Africa, numbnuts," CJ condescended.
"...Just because you're right doesn't mean you have to be hurtful," Joseph frowned.
"Happy to see you too, man," Nolan smiled to Barry. "Were you aware that Vladimir from Explore Party has been pretending to be you this season?"
"I did not know about that," Barry winced. "Why me? I had nearly forgotten about Vladimir, so it's not like he knows me that well. I hope."
"You're trustworthy, and he could fit into the same body type. That's my guess," Nolan explained. "But anyway, you had a question, right? I'd hate to run you back too much."
"Right! Uh, I haven't been able to keep up with things very closely," Barry confessed. "But I was wondering why you chose to play with the dice twist a second time. It made sense the first time like it was a fun little experiment. But it didn't really work out for you. Why do it again? Unless they forced you to."
"They didn't force me, no," Nolan chuckled. "With House Party, I was too restrictive with that version of the dice gimmick. Remember when I was going to randomly change demeanors every time I walked into a new room? I'm glad I dropped that quickly because that was an awful idea. But even making myself an option to vote for was a dumb idea. I wanted to play the game with a refined version of my ruleset. Sure, I'm not against the idea of playing normally, but why do that when I could keep things unpredictable? It still bit me hard in the end, sure. But with House Party, I played randomly for fun and only for fun. This time, I played to win on top of keeping things interesting."
"Is there time for another question?" Barry asked.
"Is there?" Lester asked someone offscreen. He returned his attention up to the monitor. "Make it quick."
"If you came back a third time, Nolan, would you play with the dice gimmick again?" Barry asked. "Simple yes or no."
"No," Nolan admitted. "I think I've proven that there's no way I can win with that kind of restriction. Maybe I can win without it. Maybe someone more capable than I am can win with it. But the two factors combined are no good, sadly."
"Alright, well, I don't want to take up too much of you guys' time," Barry said. "God bless you all!"
"You too, man!" Nolan smiled.
The monitor shut off.
"I probably should have left it at a simple 'no'. He probably could have given a real goodbye," Nolan admitted.
"This is probably the last time you'll matter in this season," CJ told him. "It's okay to talk about yourself, that's literally why you're here."
"She's... not wrong? I think?" Gunther commented, confused.
"Don't speak if you don't have anything to actually contribute," Nils reprimanded.
"It's done me well enough thus far," Ziggy admitted.
"The last question for Nolan," River brought up. "Who are you rooting for the most, and who do you want to leave next?"
"Honestly? I'm rooting for Cyan," Nolan said. "Despite everything, she and I got along well, and she's playing a hell of a game. And, well, it's no secret that I want Vladimir gone. Mostly for the sake of my own pride, at this point. I don't have much of it left as far as the game goes."
"Ye did your best to keep things fresh. Nobody can fault ye for that, lad!" Irving assured Nolan as he slapped him on the back.
"Lots of people can and do," Preston provoked smugly. "Just because you're afraid of never achieving true success in life and have to resort to childish gimmicks to leave any kind of legacy doesn't mean you have to dignify Nolan's refusal to actually play the game."
"Christ, dude, like, who pissed in your coffee?" Ernie cringed.
"With that lovely image in mind, let's move on to our last segment, shall we?" River suggested.
"You read my mind, River my boy!" Lester confirmed. "It's time, boys and... boys... for the Last Hurrah Challenge!"
"Huh, yeah, I guess all four of us are guys, huh?" Steve Jenkins noticed.
"You just now realized that?" Gretchen doubted.
"To Steve Jenkins, things like race, gender, and sexuality are irrelevant. All that matters is that you give me the adoration I deserve," Steve Jenkins claimed.
"I'm going to give the four of you ten multiple-choice questions regarding our guests in the peanut gallery," Lester explained as some interns handed Jean-Marie, Steve Jenkins, Irving, and Nolan each a small touchscreen tablet. "All you have to do is answer. If you get it right, you get a point. Whoever has the most points at the end wins. If there's a tie, we go to a quick tiebreaker."
"I think Isidora mentioned something like this. Are we supposed to know what the prize for winning is?" Nolan asked.
"You're not, so if she told you, don't tell anyone else," River groaned.
"My lips are sealed," Nolan promised.
"Oops," Isidora deadpanned.
"I assume everyone understands what they're supposed to do, here?" Lester made sure as he faced the four participating.
They all responded with various phrases of affirmation.
"Cool! Let's get started!" Lester declared. "And don't worry, this is all stuff that you could know if you watched the show. No weird deep cuts or anything."
"Je vois," Jean-Marie frowned.
"Question One!" Lester began. "On her way out of the game, who did Trinity blame most for her loss? A: Brittany. B: Joel. C: Herself. D: The game in general."
"Tsk. I still blame all four," Trinity commented.
"The game is bullshit. And yet we can't help but come back, can we?" Gunther resigned.
The four former contestants made their guesses on their tablets. The big monitor displayed pictures of them with a blank space next to each.
"Alright, let's see what everyone guessed," Lester said.
Jean-Marie guessed B, Steve Jenkins guessed A, Irving guessed D, and Nolan guessed C.
"Everyone guessed differently. Only one can be right, though," Lester commented. "The correct answer was D: the game in general."
"Yeah, no, I hope whoever decided the Topher Statue should be worth three votes in a game where no more than seven people are voting got fired," River grumbled.
"I hope whoever came up with that question got fired," Nolan remarked half-jokingly.
"Nope. Still here!" Lester beamed. "That's one point for Irving, but it can still go to anyone!"
"And it will," Steve Jenkins said confidently.
"Question Two," River continued. "Out of all the challenges and duels Gretchen participated in, how many did she win? A: 75%. B: 66%. C: 55%. D: 33%."
"Math? I didn't consent to this!" Steve Jenkins objected.
"Just guess like ye always do," Irving suggested.
"I guess," Steve Jenkins accepted.
The four cast their answers. Shortly thereafter, their answers revealed themselves: Jean-Marie guessed C, Steve Jenkins guessed A, Irving guessed B, and Nolan guessed B.
"The correct answer is... C," River revealed. "Out of eight challenges and three duels Gretchen took part in, she won four challenges and two duels. Six out of eleven, which rounds closely to fifty-five percent."
"Oh. I did guess, I must confess," Jean-Marie admitted.
"Don't worry, I feel like that number should be higher, too," Gretchen huffed.
"I just straight-up forgot about challenges that happened after I left," Steve Jenkins said. "I usually stop watching Shuffle Party after that point. As I'm sure most people do, because what's the point by then?"
"I was a big fan of the runner-up that season," Dean smiled.
"Stoooooooop." Wisdom covered her face.
Trinity gagged.
"That puts Jean-Marie tied for the lead with one point," Lester picked up. "Question Three! Speaking of challenges, everyone knows Gunther brought his trusty sword to the game, but how many challenges did he actually use it? A: Two. B: Three. C: Four. D: Five."
"I can't tell if exact numbers are easier or harder to gauge than percentages here," Nolan commented.
"One thing's for sure: I'm not donating it to the Total Drama museum no matter how many times they ask," Gunther maintained. "That thing was not cheap."
"Unlike this show, am I right?!" Ethan jested.
The loud young men in the audience cheered again.
"My boys..." Ethan said sentimentally.
The players submitted their answers. Jean-Marie guessed D. Steve Jenkins guessed C. Irving guessed C. Nolan guessed D.
"You guys leaned towards the higher count. Were you right?" Lester asked. "The correct answer... C, four times! He used it in the bone collecting challenge, the gladiator challenge, the sky pirate challenge, and the zombie challenge."
"What the hell was your season?" CJ asked Robby.
"Too much for my heart, I can tell you that much," Robby grimaced.
"A shame the game didn't claim his life..." Lilith lamented.
"That's a point for Steve Jenkins and Irving!" Lester announced. "Irving's in the lead, while Nolan has yet to earn a point."
"These are such random details. It's all guesswork," Nolan claimed.
"Maybe a House Party question will do you... any good," River offered. "Question Four. What do CJ's initials stand for?"
"Damn, this one might be tough," Nolan chuckled.
"Alright, that actually be bullshit," Irving frowned. "When do I get me free point?"
"A: Caroline Jane. B: Caitlin Jessica. C: Claire Jennifer. D: Cassandra Jordan," River intentionally ignored.
Nolan guessed immediately. The other three had to think about it.
"Whatever the case, it's better than having a boy's name," Rowan said.
"I never thought Rowan was out-of-place for a girl," Fred shrugged.
"It's definitely better than being called 'Whizz' all my life," Wisdom frowned.
"Heh. Imagine sticking with the name your parents gave you," Gretchen taunted.
The players all made their guesses. Jean-Marie guessed B. Steve Jenkins guessed C. Irving guessed A. Nolan guessed A.
"The correct answer is A, Caroline Jane," River revealed.
"Believe me, if I wasn't named Sweet Caroline, bah bah bah, I wouldn't have to go by CJ," CJ groused. "Cassandra Jordan sounds cute, can I be that instead?"
"That actually be how I remembered what the answer was," Irving chuckled.
"So there's your free point," Nolan jibed.
"I don't know. She seems more like a Claire to me, man," Steve Jenkins said.
"At any rate, that's a point for Irving and Nolan," River said.
"You think we have a chance?" Steve Jenkins asked Jean-Marie.
"J'ai renoncé à espérer une chance," Jean-Marie stated.
"Question Five!" Lester announced. "Who did Ethan cite as the person who took his virginity?"
"Wait, what?!" Ethan gasped.
"Oh yeah, did we forget to mention that some of these questions get uncomfortably personal?" River snickered. "It's not our fault you blabbed about that on TV."
"Eat a dick," Ethan spat.
"I'll pass, but thanks for the offer," River sneered.
"Ahem!" Lester enunciated. "A: Summer Johnson. B: Emma Kauffman. C: Sorrell Rogers. D: Lauren Candace."
The players peered at each other with confusion as they made their guesses.
"Alright, answers are in!" Lester announced.
Jean-Marie guessed D. Steve Jenkins guessed A. Irving guessed D. Nolan guessed B.
"The correct answer... is D!" Lester revealed.
"Whether or not it's the same Lauren Candace who was in House Party has not been confirmed or denied, but we can only speculate," River smirked.
"How many more Lauren Candaces could there possibly be?" Preston patronized.
"Truly a mystery. The world may never know," River grinned.
"That's a point for Jean-Marie and Irving. River, next question," Lester prompted impatiently.
"Alright, alright," River accepted. "Question Six. How many teams were Wisdom on throughout her time in Shuffle Party?" A: Three. B: Four. C: Five. D: Six."
"Does making it to the last island count as a team?" Nolan made sure.
"What do you think?" River said unhelpfully.
Nolan put his hands up in mock surrender before making his answer. All four answers locked in shortly.
Jean-Marie guessed B, Steve Jenkins guessed C, Irving guessed B, and Nolan guessed B.
"Alright, the correct answer was C," River revealed.
"Come on," Nolan frowned.
"The Luscious Lollipops, the Tough Tundras, the Glowing Green Pair, the Blazing Blue Pair, and the Divine Nine," River listed.
"Agh! I forgot they had teams in the finale!" Irving cursed.
"I'll never forget because I was too strong to be allowed onto either one," Steve Jenkins grumbled.
"Being on a team is overrated, anyway," Lester insisted. "That's a point for Steve Jenkins. We could still see an upset!"
"I think a lot of folks here are upset," Fred sensed.
"Question Seven!" Lester announced. "In the final challenge in Virtual Party, everyone had a food poster associated with them in the cafeteria. Which food represented Robby? A: Lobster. B: Filet mignon. C: Caviar. D: Truffles."
"That's my legacy on the game? My wealth?" Robby scoffed.
"Would you rather be remembered for your pathetic attempts at playing the game?" Nils challenged.
"Half of the game was mine to command and everyone knows it!" Robby shouted.
"Join the club," Trinity told him flatly.
The players submitted their answers. Jean-Marie answered B. Steve Jenkins answered C. Irving answered A. Nolan answered B.
"The correct answer is B!" Lester revealed. "Although all four of those options sound delicious right now, I'm not going to lie."
"You know what caviar is, right?" River winced.
"Yeah? Fish eggs aren't any grosser than chicken eggs," Lester said.
"They definitely are," River grimaced.
"Anyway, the score is getting closer!" Lester announced. "Irving still holds the lead at 4, but Jean-Marie's right behind him with 3, and Steve Jenkins and Nolan aren't out of it, either, with 2 each!"
"Yeah, all I have to do is get them all right while everyone else gets them all wrong," Nolan faltered. "Maybe win a tiebreaker if it comes down to it."
"See, it's doable," River told him. "Question Eight. During the losers episode of House Party, how many of Yolonda's interviews was Preston present for, including his own? A: Eight. B: Seven. C: Six. D: Five."
"Not enough," "Too many," Preston and CJ said at the same time.
"You owe me a coke," CJ said dryly.
"Heh. You didn't say jinx nor did we say the same thing, to begin with. Don't you understand anything, you zygote?" Preston brushed off. "Although I change my mind. You're right, it was too many. I shouldn't have gone home that early."
The players submitted their answers. Jean-Marie guessed A, Steve Jenkins guessed A, Irving guessed C, Nolan guessed C.
"The correct answer... is D," River revealed. "He was there for Ziggy's, Jilly's, Tucker's, Bailey's, and his own interview. That's five. Nobody gets a point."
"What's the prize for winning, again?" Jean-Marie asked.
"We aren't supposed to know," Nolan reminded him.
"Do you think we get a shot to come back to the game?" Steve Jenkins asked.
"Considering none of those four over there came back, I doubt it," Irving pointed out.
"Hi," Ernie waved.
"Just two more questions and you can find out!" Lester urged. "Alright, Question Nine! How did Fred lose his eyesight?"
"Dawg, come on," Fred frowned.
"A: Head trauma. B: Staring at the sun. C: Glaucoma. D: Birth defect," Lester listed.
"I don't know if there's anyone in this game who doesn't have head trauma," Nils sniffed.
"We do, you're not wrong," CJ told him.
The players made their guesses. Jean-Marie guessed B. Steve Jenkins guessed B. Irving guessed B. Nolan guessed B.
"It's an all-or-nothing turnout!" Lester commented. "And you guys are... right! The answer is B!"
"Come on, I know I'm a thrill-seeker, but it shouldn't have been that obvious," Fred pouted.
"Ye did tell the whole story, I recall," Irving mentioned.
"Alright, so the way we're at now, Steve Jenkins and Nolan cannot win," River summarized. "But we'll still need you to guess an answer because that's how the thing is programmed. Jean-Marie's at four points and Irving's at five. If Irving gets it right, he wins. If Jean-Marie gets it right and Irving gets it wrong, we go to a tiebreaker."
"May the best man win," Jean-Marie offered.
"In Total Drama? I doubt it! Gyarharhar!" Irving laughed.
"Damn, this group really has nothing nice to say about this show," Lester murmured.
"Question Ten," River began. "Who did Ziggy root for in the House Party finale and why? A: David, for being a nice, fun guy. B: Franklin, for his rough past. C: David, for not having any blood on his hands. D: Franklin, for being a fellow Team Thunder."
"Oh hey, I know this one," Nolan said.
"They all sound like they could be right," Steve Jenkins muttered.
The four submitted their answers. Jean-Marie guessed C. Steve Jenkins guessed B. Irving guessed D. Nolan guessed D.
"Irving guessed the same as Nolan, but did Nolan really know the answer?" River led up. "Correct answer... was D."
"Congratulations, Irving!" Lester cheered. "You've won the Last Hurrah Challenge!"
"Gyarharhar! Naught can stop the Dread Pirate Irving!" Irving boasted as he stood up and struck a dramatic pose.
"So what were we playing for?" Nolan asked. "I actually didn't know what we were playing for, just that this challenge was going to happen."
"We asked you all who you were rooting for the most out of everyone left, right?" Lester built up. "By winning the Last Hurrah Challenge, Irving has won a small advantage for the person he's rooting for the most."
"Hurrah, indeed!" Irving beamed.
"Brittany will receive a clue that will help her find a hidden statue in Isolation Park," River explained. "She'll have it delivered to her tomorrow morning. And since she's currently in Isolation Park, that could do her some good."
"Like she needs more advantages in life," Trinity huffed.
"Hey, ye never know with this game," Irving shrugged.
"And with that, we're going to have to bring the show to an end," Lester said. "It was great seeing you all, and I look forward to the next one!"
"Who will we pry all the juicy gossip out of next time? I can hardly wait to find out myself," River added sardonically.
"Aww, I knew you cared deep down," Lester played along.
"Damn, is my tsundere showing? Baka," River deadpanned.
"Until next time! Don't you dare stop watching the adventures of our motley crew!" Lester told the general audience. "On Total!"
"Drama," River said.
"Party with the Stars!" Lester and River concluded.
After a few seconds, those on stage went in their own directions. CJ and Nolan approached each other.
"Hey. I love you, but please never make me come back here again," CJ requested.
"I told you you didn't have to come if you didn't want to," Nolan smiled as they made their way off stage.
"...I know this stupid show means a lot to you. I wasn't going to not support you," CJ blushed.
"So I made you come here by... liking Total Drama?" Nolan asked, unsure.
"...Look, do you want to go get wasted at the motel or something?" CJ offered.
"I can think of worse ways to cushion the blow of losing," Nolan beamed.
A/N: Another break from the game to catch up with those who've left and those who never came back. Next time, we return to the drama and someone else will leave the game! Can't wait to see you then.