An exciting rock tune played and the crowd cheered as two spotlights shone down, illuminating only a love seat upon an elevated stage. Lester swaggered into the spotlight, wearing a proud smile on his face. He waved to the audience as River joined him.
The two took their seats upon the couch as the music faded out and the rest of the stage lights slid on.
"Helloooooo, everybodyyyyyy!" Lester began. "And welcome... to the Total Drama Party with the Stars Aftermath show!"
He paused to allow more cheering, which occurred, albeit not as saturated.
"We've got a ton to talk about tonight, and we're excited to get into it!" Lester beamed. "I'm Lester Jay, and here as always is everyone's favorite runner-up, River Casentini!"
"I'm not even my own favorite runner up. Courtney Yates isn't losing that crown anytime soon," River commented.
"And hey, River's single," Lester said suggestively to the camera.
"I'm like twenty years younger than her!" River objected.
"Even better," Lester said shrewdly. "Until then, though, we've got a hell of a show for you tonight! But before we get to our guests, allow me to introduce our illustrious peanut gallery! First, you know 'em you love 'em, the first eight boots of this season. Lilith, Isidora, Joseph, Ernie, Jean-Marie, Steve Jenkins, Irving, and Nolan!"
"I don't know how the hell the post-shuffle Wyverns stayed intact, but good for them," Nolan chuckled.
"I know how the Pegasi keep getting screwed. They got rid of me instead of Brittany!" Steve Jenkins claimed.
"So long as Kun and Quentin still have a chance to win, I am content," Jean-Marie figured.
"Me allies came pretty close to taking a hit tonight," Irving noted. "Good thing Quentin be more of a madman than we all thought! Gyarharhar!"
"And on top of those fine fellows, a bunch of people here specifically to see the people who were voted out," River continued. "For Dalit's sake, we have Genesis, Fauna, Ephraim, Bijou, and Zarardo."
"I am known for how close I am with Dalit," Zarardo joked.
"They probably felt Isidora already had too many people," Ephraim figured. "And hey, you two got along in the coal mine."
"And that's the best Dalit was ever going to get," Fauna huffed. "Because the privileged masses couldn't handle the idea of someone like her being successful."
"People liked her enough for her to come back," Genesis texted. "And people liked her in this season, too."
"Really, darling, can you let Fauna speak without feeling the need to contradict her?" Bijou remarked. "It's so... passé."
"Here to see Kiki: Jilly, Lauren, Mac, and Spankety!" Lester introduced.
"Hey, what do you get when you cross a grizzly bear, a Yankees fan, and the average Twitter user?" Spankety proposed. "Your ass handed to you!"
"Heeheehahaha!" Mac cackled. "Ahhh, she's still got it!"
"Are we having a good time, party people?!" Jilly shouted to the crowd. This saw some cheers and applause.
Lauren gave a small smile and wave to the camera.
"And we have a lot of Shuffle Party reps. Like, a lot," River said. "For Louise, we have Bunko, Elmer, Roxie, and Virgil."
"They really had to stretch to figure out where to put Team I Don't Know," Roxie mentioned. "Are we the only team to have nobody play this season at all?"
"We are," Elmer confirmed. "Fred was invited, but he turned it down."
"Well, Kun's done really good for himself, so it all worked out!" Bunko said sunnily.
"That's debatable, but hey, anything can happen," Virgil shrugged. "Game's not over yet."
"And lastly, here to see Shadya, are Ginger, Godfrey, Hildegard, Nestor, and the artist formerly known as Rhiannon," Lester listed.
"People know I go by my real name now, right?" Jessica asked. "People aren't still calling me Rhiannon, right?"
"Girl, do not get me started on the entire-ass war over that," Nestor said. "It's not that I don't want to, because honey, believe me, I do. But this ain't my blog."
"Those who truly matter will call thee by the appellation thou desirest, Lady Jessica," Hildegard claimed.
"Shadya claimed she'd never see me again after Shuffle Party. Oh how wrong she was," Ginger snickered.
"She still hasn't spoken to you all night," Godfrey pointed out.
"I wonder just how much she loathes you," Lilith smiled.
"Shadya's been here for, like, five minutes. Chill," Ernie said.
"What is Lilith supposed to do? Not interject her weird philosophy when everyone's let their guard down?" Isidora deadpanned.
"Giving her attention is only making her stronger, bros," Joseph claimed.
"Well hey, it's been a while since we've seen a lot of you," Lester addressed the peanut gallery. "Jilly, I said it last time, but I've been listening to Fred Vines on loop, and the DJ Fuchsia production is a big part of that. Your beats go hard!"
"Eyy, I appreciate it!" Jilly beamed.
"Any update on Fred Vines's Twitter beef with Bryce Vine?" Mac asked.
"Not since I last checked," Jilly admitted.
"I think Fred reminding everyone that Bryce was the first boot on a singing reality show was enough to get him to step off," Nestor relayed.
"A Glee reality show, no less," Virgil sneered.
"Imagine Glee looking at you and deciding to drop you first," Nestor snickered.
"Honestly!" Virgil laughed.
The two playfully grabbed each other's shoulders as they shared laughter.
"Well hey, there's no shame in being a first boot," Ephraim maintained. "It has to be someone, and sometimes things just don't work out."
"Amen, my man!" Lester agreed.
"That is very easy to say when people who don't look like you usually go first," Fauna remarked.
"What do you mean? The resemblance between me and Ephraim is uncanny!" Lester joked.
"Dear god..." River groaned. "Anyway, speaking of social media, Jessica, I understand you've gone independent?"
"I have," Jessica smiled. "I've stepped down from professional sex work, and now I have an OnlyFans. I'm reclaiming my sexuality and expressing it on my own terms."
"I can only imagine that being a fan favorite on this show has helped," Zarardo commented as he idly played with his Fushigi ball.
"You still have that thing?" Genesis texted.
"It's a memento of my time in the show," Zarardo smiled. "Much like the nickname 'Zarardo'. We've all grown and changed since we've played, but sometimes it helps to lean into what the audience perceives as familiar. That way they never expect your sleight-of-hand."
"And what sleight-of-hand were you planning on pulling, exactly?" Bijou asked, unimpressed.
"That I have subscribed to Lady Jessica from the beginning!" Zarardo revealed.
"It took me a year to realize that was him," Jessica giggled.
"How many other Zarardos are there?" Roxie doubted.
"He didn't use that name, and it's not like we chatted extensively," Jessica explained. "I've actually had a few former players admit to me that they've subscribed. I really appreciate the support."
"Does Louise let you subscribe to her?" Mac asked Elmer with an annoying elbow jab.
"Most women won't let their husband spend money for access to a friend's nudes," Elmer said bluntly. "I wasn't even going to look at them, I just wanted to help."
"My heart breaks for you," Ernie said flatly.
"What exactly is 'OnlyFans'?" Jean-Marie whispered to Joseph.
"Uh, I'll explain later," Joseph said awkwardly.
"Now, Lauren, you've been quiet tonight," Lester brought up. "Anything big happen since House Party?"
"Huh?" Lauren blinked. "Oh, well, Tucker mentioned before that he and I started a small charity dedicated to helping victims of sexual assault. It doesn't get a ton of donations, but that's the only major thing, I'd say."
"It really says a lot about our society that people are willing to spend money on Rhiannon, but not this thing that actually helps people," Roxie scoffed.
"An OnlyFans subscription be a hell of a lot cheaper," Irving chuckled. "I only buy what I can afford in these trying times!"
"Every little bit helps," Lauren said. "Obviously, sexual assault is a problem that's a lot bigger than any of us. But even though we can't help everyone, it doesn't mean it's not worth helping the ones we can."
"Has your nymphomania gotten any better?" Ernie asked uncaringly.
"I can only imagine how torturous it must be not to act upon your most powerful desires... mweeheehee..." Lilith crooned.
"Thanks for the support," Lauren groaned.
"Well hey, why don't we get our first guest out here. I know we're all dying to see her!" Lester suggested.
"What, you didn't want to keep talking about race and sexual assault? If you insist." River said facetiously.
"Our first guest came to Total Drama looking for a new lease on life," Lester began. "Sadly, after being manipulated by her season's eventual winner, she gave up safety and ended up being voted out first thanks to her... eager disposition, we'll say. She grew enough of a fanbase in her short time that she came back for another go, though! She found herself in a strong alliance early on, and even got some footing in the team shuffle, but couldn't quite get the others to see things her way. Give it up for Dalit Lumière!"
The crowd clapped and cheered as Dalit made her way on stage. She paused.
"Dalit? Hello?" River snapped his fingers.
"Sorry. I've never had anyone clap for me before," Dalit explained. She took a seat in one of the empty couches.
"It's a nice feeling," Lester validated. "Now, Dalit, obviously you had the most to prove by taking your second shot at the game. Do you think you sufficiently proved yourself out there?"
"Only when we could vote out Steve Jenkins," Dalit answered. "Louise and I were less numbers than the Gryphons. But he still went home."
"Jealous lamers, the lot of you," Steve Jenkins grumbled.
"I thought I didn't do too bad after that," Dalit admitted. "It was fun doing my own strategy without letting Kiki figure it out for me. If only I wasn't on a team with stupid Hugh! Maybe I could have been in the merge!"
"You aren't the first person to say that, and I doubt you'll be the last," Ephraim remarked.
"My abhorrence towards that boy grows by the hour," Bijou claimed.
"I wish I could have done more strategy," Dalit admitted. "I don't know if Louise losing soon after me makes me feel better or not."
"It means that even if you were in the merge instead of her, you still wouldn't even come close to winning," Lilith giggled.
"Exactly," Dalit confirmed. "It means I'd probably lose close to the same time no matter what. At least I got to actually play the game this time."
"The thrill of the game is what life is all about," Nolan claimed. "Victory is just a bonus."
"To move on," River segued. "Dalit, you've obviously learned a lot since you first played, but you still butt heads with a number of other players. ...Good job!"
"Is that supposed to be a question?" Dalit asked.
"Alright, the actual question..." River continued. "Many people have called you a non-strategic presence during this season. Is there any move you wish you had tried to make, maybe back on the Wyverns?"
"I was only at one vote with the Wyverns," Dalit mentioned. "And I don't regret that one."
"Man..." Joseph expressed.
"I hated the Gryphons more than the Wyverns, so I don't think there's any Wyvern I'd go after besides Joseph and Jean-Marie, and Kiki already wanted them gone," Dalit explained. "My game plan was mostly to stick with people who had similar opinions, like Kiki. But then the teams changed, and nobody was like that anymore!"
"That's when you make new connections, obviously," Ginger told her.
"You came into the game with someone you already knew," Ephraim pointed out.
"I made friends besides him, give me some credit!" Ginger reacted.
"And to be fair, Dalit did reach out to Brittany and Louise," Genesis texted. "The team arrangement just wasn't in her favor."
"It happens to the best of us. Quite literally!" Irving laughed.
"Yeah, I think everyone who left after the teams changed was screwed over for it," Steve Jenkins posited.
"Nolan deeeefinitely lost through his own folly," Lilith claimed.
"I went all-in on someone I thought would be an easy target," Nolan shrugged. "He's still in the game and I'm not, so he must be doing something right."
"I didn't do anything wrong, though!" Dalit insisted. "Losing doesn't mean you did something wrong!"
"I'll say," Isidora commented.
"That's where I have to disagree," Elmer said. "If you were nicer to Brittany, she would have been more inclined to vote for Louise. Hugh might even have joined her."
"I have no patience for people with comfortable lives complaining about their problems," Dalit snorted. "Same with Jean-Marie. She doesn't know what real problems are! And she has the galls to pretend like being pretty is a bad thing, even though me being a model is what's helping me!"
"She's always been the embodiment of pretty white girl privilege. I've been saying it for years," Fauna affirmed.
"I will not apologize for reminding her that she has nothing to complain about," Dalit maintained.
"And it's that self-confidence that the fans love!" Nestor gushed. "Even fresh off the plane in Alpha Party, Dalit told it like it is, and she just won't stop!"
"I never got to speak my mind in my old life," Dalit said. "So if I have the chance, I'll take it!"
"Please do! That's what the Aftermath is all about, baby!" Lester grinned. "Speaking of speaking, though... Do you think the language barrier has still been a factor here? You've obviously picked English up pretty well in just a few years, but learning a second language is tough."
"I mostly understand what everyone is saying," Dalit claimed. "Bijou has taught me lots of big words, too. I don't know all English, but who does? There's things that might be hard to pick up sometimes, but I don't think that's why I lost, if that's what you're meaning."
Jean-Marie spoke up. "Even I, who started learning English in primary school, sometimes have trouble with-"
"He didn't ask you," Dalit shut down.
"Learning another language is hard, but it's not impossible," Elmer claimed. "Of course, you'd think for all the talk Louise gives about never giving up and tackling problems head-on, she wouldn't get so discouraged learning Spanish on Rosetta Stone."
"Bro, that's your wife," Mac chuckled.
"She owns up to it," Elmer smirked. "She teases me a lot about not being able to hit a baseball, too. We still adore each other."
"That's beautiful," Jessica swooned.
"When are you going to make fun of me out of love, Ephraim?!" Dalit called to the other side of the room.
"I'm not sure I can dish it out OR take it," Ephraim admitted. "That's just not my personality."
"What personality?" Ginger snickered to Nestor.
"Girl, stop!" Nestor giggled.
"Hey! Is there something you wanted to tell our faces?!" Dalit barked. "If you are making fun of Ephraim, don't be a coward! Say it at me!"
Ephraim couldn't hide his blush.
"Why'd you program Ginger to be a bitch again?" Roxie asked Godfrey.
"To make it easier for the show to accept her audition," Godfrey explained. "I'd say it worked out."
"Well hey, guess what, it is that time again," River mentioned unenthusiastically. "VIP caller time!"
"Wait, I thought the VIP caller was supposed to come later," Lester mentioned.
"I dunno, I'm just answering the call," River shrugged.
He pressed a button on a remote control, and the big monitor that hung above him and Lester powered on. Onscreen was a tall woman with chubby cheeks and purple hair.
"I'm in? I'M IN!" the girl squealed.
"...Sierra?" Zarardo realized, amused.
"I guess our VIPs are all Total Drama alumni," Lester figured. "Nice to meet you, Sierra!"
"Is Dean here?! I need to let him know how bad I simp for him!" Sierra insisted. "Not that I don't love the rest of you either, because hahaha, DUH! Obviously! I'm THE Total Drama fan of all time!"
"Sierra you dumb bitch, you're an Aftermath too late!" Nestor called. "Dean was at the last one!"
"SHADDAP NESTOR!" Sierra roared. "Your blog is overrated and so are you!"
Nestor held up a hand mirror. Sierra gasped throatily.
"I'm confused. Is she supposed to have a question for me, or...?" Dalit wondered.
"Hiiii, Dalit!" Sierra bubbled. "Now, I don't get out a whole lot, so I'm not really all in on fashion or anything, so I wanted to know what you think the next big thing is going to be! I want to be so ahead of the curve that... uh... the-the curve is... What are your secrets?!"
"I am a sucker for flattery," Dalit accepted. "Embrace two decades ago, always! Dress like how people remember from when they were kids! It works every time! That's why I wear Teddy Fresh. It's the 90s, but now!"
"Wait, so if it's 2020..." Sierra thought aloud. "Time to find some denim jackets! Thanks, Dalit!"
"What? No, not denim!" Dalit pleaded too late.
"How does it feel, using your power for evil?" River jested.
"Alright Dalit, last obligatory question," Lester led up. "Who in the final eight do you want to win, and who do you want to go home next?"
"I want Frita to win next. She's the only person left I care about," Dalit answered. "I want Brittany to go home next. She already won, plus I also don't like her."
"That's a stigma I did not expect to exist," Godfrey commented. "I guess it makes sense. This is a hard game, so having the same person win might be less satisfying."
"Joke's on the people who hate two-time winners, then," Genesis texted. "If Brittany wins again, then she won in spite of that stigma. The second win would be even harder. Probably more satisfying to her fans."
"Sounds like something you think about a lot," Virgil noted.
"It's never been a secret how much I love this show," Genesis texted.
"You know who else loves the show? Our next guest!" Lester stepped in.
"Does she?" River doubted.
"Our next guest loved the show so much that she signed up to play in spite of a crippling fear of men," Lester built up. "Always determined to work around that fact and excel in spite of it, she spent her first season establishing a decent foothold, and even opening up to some of her male teammates... only to get backstabbed right before the merge. Now back and ready to play a more hardball game, she made no bones about her willingness to stick to her own guns... only for her passionate honesty to cost her in the end. Let's give it up for Kiki Koizumi!"
Kiki's entrance onto the stage came with applause that mostly drowned out the scattered boos.
"There's my homegirl!" Jilly cheered.
"Er, hello," Kiki greeted the room. "I wasn't expecting this many people at once."
She was even less comfortable once she noticed Lauren in the peanut gallery. Lauren gave her a small smile.
"We won't keep you for too long. Believe me, I want to get this over with, too," River assured her. "But to start things out, it's no secret that you called a lot of the shots at the start of the game. Do you think that contributed to you being a target early in the merge?"
"That was certainly part of it," Kiki conceded. "And if the rest of this merge has been any indication, women aren't allowed to be in power without some kind of blowback."
"And besides Louise, all the guests tonight are women of color," Fauna added. "But it's all definitely just a coincidence."
"To play devil's advocate, like six men went home in a row during the premerge," Ernie pointed out. "And it's not like Hugh and Vladimir haven't had people on their ass, either."
"I didn't see Quentin play his statue for me when I was in danger, but alright," Kiki brushed aside.
"Having emotions is a death sentence in this game," Roxie remarked.
"But to continue on from the question, I stood up for what I believed in, and that also cost me," Kiki added. "People of all genders and ethnicities defended Vladimir because he's a good shield or whatever. I couldn't abide by that. Neither could Louise. Look what happened."
"Better to die the hero, and all that," Nolan mused.
"I don't buy that," Kiki denied. "I don't like the message that doing the right thing is just going to bite you in the rear."
"That's what makes it so impressive, though," Jessica figured. "If it was easy, everyone would be doing it. But you stood up against Vladimir even though you knew the risks."
"Verily!" Hildegard cheered. "Thou art to be commended for thy bravery, Lady Kiki! To be slain in the Lord's name is a fate to be proud of! So to speak."
"I don't know, I just..." Kiki wiped away tears. "I couldn't get people to vote out a sexual predator in House Party, and I couldn't get people to vote out a blatant emotional manipulator in this season. What does that say about me? How little do people take me seriously?"
"It says that people will do anything to win. It's nothing about you specifically," Spankety claimed. "I struggled a lot with it too. Sometimes I still do. The world stinks. But if there's one thing this game taught me, it's that sometimes you can't just focus on what went wrong. You had some great times in the game too, right?"
"Yeah, you totally ran that ship before the team shuffle screwed everyone!" Mac agreed. "I bet if you were on the new Wyverns, Vladimir would have been gone forever ago!"
"...I appreciate that," Kiki smiled.
"That'll lead us into the next question," Lester decided. "You and Kun obviously had some rivalry during your time in the game. The two of you went back and forth on how much you trusted each other, but what's the final verdict on Kun? Friend? Foe? Lover? Something in between?"
"Like you said, it's complicated," Kiki stated. "I'm still not entirely sure what I think about him. Sometimes, I think what he's doing is admirable. Other times, he just pisses me off. I'm not in any rush to hang out with him, but I appreciate that he's at least trying to be a cohesive human being."
"'Tis a more glowing praise than I'd ever grant," Hildegard mentioned. "The more things change, the more they stay the same."
"At least he figured out to stay on Shadya's good side this time," Jessica tittered.
"And Shadya was the one working against him this time!" Bunko realized. "And she lost! It's all connected!"
"If only they'd learn to work together, perhaps then we could attain true world peace," Irving smirked.
"Working together with Kun is going to be tough as long as he keeps insisting that he should be a leader, despite he and everyone else knowing that he isn't qualified to be," Kiki claimed. "I think 'rival' is the best one-word descriptor I can come up with off the top of my head. He's frustrating, but I've dealt with far, far worse. I trusted him more than I trusted most of the people in the merge."
"That's relatable," Isidora nodded.
"At least Kun didn't end up falling for Kiki," Zarardo commented.
"You think that's going to stop people from shipping them anyway?" Nestor chuckled.
"Shipping real people is weird and gross," Kiki stated. "Anyone who does that isn't worth listening to."
"So I should take down my Kiki x Lauren shrine?" Lilith lamented.
"Don't even joke about that," Kiki said gravely.
"Getting mad at her is what she wants," Joseph reminded her.
"Then it's working!" Kiki growled.
"Mweeheehee," Lilith giggled.
"Let's move on, then," Lester suggested. "You have a big responsibility as first juror for setting the tone the rest of the jury's going to go off of. Where do you set the balance between voting with your head and voting with your heart?"
"I know that hurting feelings in this game is just a part of how it's played," Kiki recognized. "It's a tough game, and losing is going to sting, no matter what. That said, I've made it pretty clear that there are things that go beyond the game. There's definitely a balance to strike between playing hard and playing respectfully. If your goal is to get people to consider you a worthy winner, then everyone left should have had that in mind regardless of who the first juror was. I don't think many of the remaining players have stricken that balance."
"The jury system does make it tough to win when you've hurt people's feelings," Godfrey noted.
"Good thing you aren't playing this season," Ginger ribbed.
"I'm curious in knowing what she meant by 'not many people have struck that balance'," Genesis texted.
"Everyone left is either playing as a total follower, or putting human decency aside to get ahead," Kiki claimed. "Except Cyan. She's the only one left I would willingly give my vote to."
"I'm still floored that she was the only black person to play in this one," Fauna noted. "Even Explore Party had three!"
"I was sitting by my phone waiting for that call, I'm just saying!" Nestor ranted.
"Well there's your problem. We got e-mails inviting us back," Steve Jenkins chuckled.
Nestor and Virgil shared a glance.
"If being the first juror really did mean setting a tone, then I'd set it in Cyan's favor," Kiki stated. "Even after standing up for what's right, she's still been able to position herself well and stick around."
"I don't know if she would have lived past a third new Wyvern elimination, but hey, she's made it this far into the merge," Nolan noted.
"I understand that not everyone holds the same values I do, believe me," Kiki picked back up. "But they are still my values, and I reserve the right to stand by them when making a decision like this. I'm sure the other jurors will as well. I doubt my input is going to sway people that much, especially if you keep in mind who's made it this far. But that's where I'm standing right now. No matter who wins, being rewarded with victory will send a message to the audience that their actions should be rewarded. What kind of message do we want to send?"
"The message of music, baby!" Jilly beamed.
...
"I think we have a submitted viewer question. Let's ask that now," River decided. "DrMonkeyman asks 'Did you at least felt like this experience was a lot more fulfilling than the first time? Did you feel like you got something positive out of this that you'll remember?' I ask myself the same thing every time we do one of these shows."
"Yes on both accounts," Kiki smiled. "I got to play the hardball game I always wanted to. And, just looking back at my performance in House Party, there is something of a clear difference between then and now. I want to highlight that, just because you aren't in a great place in your life, doesn't mean you can't turn things around."
"Of course, things can always get worse, too~" Lilith reminded everyone.
"You really do just make everyone's life so much better," Ernie droned.
"You've grown a lot," Lauren complimented. "I'm really happy for you."
Kiki gave her a look, nothing more.
"Getting to play another season is an underrated way for people to change their perceptions of you," Fauna figured. "And that can be a good or a bad thing."
"Very true, very true," Jean-Marie agreed.
"I wish I could play again," Bunko pouted. "I did a lot of embarrassing stuff back in Shuffle Party."
"You weren't even the most embarrassing person on your team," Ginger dismissed.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Roxie scoffed.
"Did you or did you not share a team with Hiram?" Ginger asked.
"You know what, I blocked him from my memory. Fair enough," Roxie allowed.
"I'll be the first to admit I messed up my second shot," Joseph mentioned. "But I like to think I learned from my mistakes."
"We all did, don't worry," Nestor teased.
"...Hey, that isn't comforting at all!" Joseph realized.
"At least you made tangible mistakes," Ernie scoffed. "I played a perfectly fine game and still got screwed over for no reason."
"It happens," Isidora commented.
"If enough people can latch onto an excuse to vote someone out, they will," Kiki claimed. "People are hard-wired to do what it takes to ensure their own survival, even if it hurts someone else. That's what Total Drama is all about, more or less. It still sucks when you get voted out for no good reason, but it's not something to beat yourself up over."
"I can't tell you how many Binding of Isaac runs I've lost because of random bullshit. You just gotta accept these things," Lester nodded.
"This seems like a higher-stakes environment than a video game you can just start over," River posited.
"Anyway, last question for Kiki," Lester established. "Who do you want to win, and who do you want to see go home next?"
"Well, I already said I wanted Cyan to win," Kiki answered. "As for why Vladimir is even still in the game, I can only imagine it's because people assume he won't get any jury votes. It's a scummy tactic that's enabling more scummy tactics, and it's awful. I want him gone next."
"There is certainly value in keeping controversial figures around in order to keep the heat off of you," Zarardo mused. "But it's also important to realize that associating yourself with those figures can be just as damning. Especially with the jury in mind."
"Then again, if everyone in the finals is controversial, what are you going to do?" Virgil wondered. "If it works in the end, it works in the end. Juicy Drop Pop is just one person."
"That's what you're calling Cyan?!" Jessica reacted.
"She's tall, blue, and juicy. It writes itself," Virgil shrugged.
"She's skinny as hell, I don't want to hear nothing about no juicy," Nestor denied.
"He's just trying to justify his nicknaming quirk because it's the closest thing he has to a likable personality trait," Lilith giggled. "Let him haaaaaave this."
"Can we move on?" Kiki asked, uncomfortable.
"Works for me!" Lester allowed. "Our next guest accidentally signed up for the same season as her long-distance boyfriend, and despite her best efforts to get along with everyone, it cost her in the end. Now back and playing on her own, she was determined to tackle the game with a positive, can-do attitude and a willingness to kick some ass! She had to make some tough moves, and she wasn't quite able to get a foothold in the merge, but damn it, she tried. Louise Juarez, everybody!"
Louse ran onto the stage with a big smile on her face. The cheers from the crowd and peanut gallery made that smile even bigger.
"Welcome to the Aftermath show, Louise," Lester greeted.
"Thanks for having me! I always wanted to be on an Aftermath, but I thought they stopped doing them," Louise mentioned.
"They did, but our passion truly bleeds," River said emotionlessly.
"My passion hasn't made me bleed in years!" Mac boasted.
"Christ," Roxie reacted. "And I thought my sense of humor was messed up."
"Aw, we're all a little messed up, aren't we?" Mac grinned.
"What better way to cope with the worst parts of life than with a good joke?" Spankety offered. She honked her nose.
"Anyway!" Lester laughed awkwardly. "You finally got the chance to play the game without any baggage. Was it easier or harder not having Elmer around?"
"Aw, give me some credit," Louise huffed. "Elmer and I weren't even on the same team in Shuffle Party. It's not like he was really helping me back then."
"So she's just going to let the baggage part abide?" Elmer reacted.
"I know I was still perceived to be in a duo, this time with Cyan," Louise continued. "But that's because we just kind of clicked naturally during the game. That makes people a lot less suspicious than having a friend from outside the game. And hey, I even managed to survive the team shuffle without my closest ally, so that's worth pointing out, too."
"Barely," Dalit noted.
"She still did better than you did," Elmer countered.
"A shame, considering Dalit tried harder than Louise ever did," Ephraim claimed.
"She had to. She rubbed her team the wrong way without even trying," Elmer responded. "Louise can't leave a room without effortlessly making a new friend."
"He's not wrong," Louise said. "I asked one of the staff to get me a bottled water in the waiting room. I think I'm his kid's godmother now."
"It must be very nice growing up with a nice life with friends that can teach you good social skill," Dalit spat.
"Look, we do not need to be turning women on each other any more than our culture already does," Kiki stepped in. "We're all here because we didn't adapt to the tone of the game. Let's leave it at that."
"I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to see Ephraim and Elmer start brawling, though," Mac chuckled.
"It'd be over before it started," Virgil posited.
"Yeah, because Elmer's love for me trumps all physical barriers!" Louise proclaimed.
"I know where my money's going," River remarked. "Anyway, you're a coach back home, right? Usually you're the one who leads others, but that wasn't the case in this game... at all. Was that an intentional choice to downplay yourself, or is there more to it than that?"
"Well, to be accurate, I'm a PE teacher," Louise corrected. "For an elementary school, too. My leadership resume is more or less making kids do some stretches and cardio. And with kids, that's not generally hard to do." She laughed. "I took that job because I like encouraging others to step outside their comfort zone. When it comes to a cutthroat world like Total Drama, though, that's not really my wheelhouse. So I won't pretend like I didn't look for opportunities instead of making my own. Hey, like you said, it helped downplay my threat level."
"And that is underrated!" Nestor claimed. "If everyone was trying to be the boss, that'd be impossible to follow!"
"The fact that, like, everyone left in the game is a follower speaks to the tone of this season," Ernie said.
"And after what Quentin did, we can't even assume they're all going to stay complacent," Nolan added.
"Positioning has always been key," Genesis texted. "I didn't win by accident."
"Like Quentin has ever made a conscious game move," Fauna denied. "He backstabbed Shadya because he was upset that she didn't tell him everything. Ain't nothing more than that."
"Some people are more empathetic than others," Louise offered. "That can be a blessing and a curse, for sure. It got me through the team shuffle, but it cost me the game in the end."
"It's a blessing and a curse in life, too," Bunko frowned. "It can mean people won't take you seriously."
"It's all a matter of how you present yourself," Bijou claimed. "I've been saying this from the beginning. It's why I went into fashion in the first place. And Louise... certainly dresses like a PE teacher."
"I just wear what's comfortable. It makes me happy, and that's what matters, right?" Louise grinned.
"Absolutely," Elmer affirmed. "Nobody owes anyone anything."
"See? I told you we didn't have to pay taxes!" Ginger told Godfrey.
"Hast thou been evading thy taxes?!" Hildegard gasped.
"I haven't. She's not an officially recognized citizen, so she doesn't have any to evade," Godfrey explained.
"That be all it takes to get away with it?" Irving rubbed his chin.
"If you upload your consciousness into a hard drive, I'll be happy to help you get off the grid," Ginger offered.
"Literally all of that sounds incredibly dubious," Genesis texted.
"Says the cyborg," Lilith giggled. Isidora smacked her on the arm.
"Let's talk about the moves you did make in the merge," Lester segued. "You went into it wanting the original Wyverns to stick together, but Shadya threw a wrench in that. You then tried to mend bridges with Brittany, but that didn't go so well, either. Is there anything else you wish you'd done? Anything that could have bettered your position?"
"...I probably lost my temper too easily with Brittany," Louise conceded. "I still don't like how she's playing, but I approached her wanting to make things better after the Dalit vote. I did the opposite."
"Nobody can blame you for that," Joseph told her. "If you're upset, you're upset. You can't just bottle that up."
"Sure you can! I do it all the time! Heeheehahaha!" Mac laughed.
"You're also nuts," Ernie claimed.
"I've thought about it a lot, believe me." Louise rubbed the back of her head. "In Shuffle Party, my biggest downfall was being too trusting. This time, my biggest downfall was being too quick to dismiss people. I didn't have to tell Brittany or Shadya off. I should have tried harder to negotiate with them."
"To their credit, they are both very confident people," Jean-Marie said. "People like them, it's hard to see yourself changing their minds."
"Does that make them confident, or stubborn?" Isidora asked.
"Stubborn, obviously!" Steve Jenkins answered. "You can be confident and still be open-minded. It's a Steve Jenkins trademark!"
"That's what I tried to be," Louise claimed. "I've always been a believer in optimism. But the Vladimir situation is something I couldn't bend on in good faith. That was just gross."
"I don't know which I'd rather believe," Kiki began. "That Vladimir really does know that many obscure details about all of our lives, or that he really is Devlin and he's still messing with her head like that. Both are terrifying."
"I try not to think too hard about it," Louise shivered.
"Life's just better when you turn off your brain and lose yourself to the beat!" Jilly whooped.
"Sure, if you want to be a leech on society who's willing to stay complacent and not make the world a better place," Fauna scoffed.
"What do you mean? My music is making the world a better place!" Jilly denied.
"There's a case for both. Again, let's not fight more than we have to," Kiki stepped in.
"Ain't no such thing as a limit for good drama," Nestor claimed.
"Clearly you don't watch enough Big Brother," Virgil snickered.
"Why should I? We've got a better show right here, am I right my bitches!"
The crowd cheered.
"I guess I should have known what I was getting into when I signed up for a show called Total Drama," Louise admitted. "As much as I love the show, I'm not great with confrontation. I don't regret how I played either time, even though there's always hindsight."
"I think that leads nicely into our video caller question!" Lester winked. "A good friend of yours who couldn't make it here in person."
"Oh, let me guess," Louise played along.
The monitor turned on, and a sensibly-dressed young man sat at a desk in his bedroom. In the back of the room, a young girl jumped up and down and waved.
"Hi Miss Louise!" she greeted.
"Hi Emmy!" Louise greeted back.
"Emerald, what did I tell you?" the man scolded. Giggling, Emerald ran off.
"Glad to see she's doing well, Jim," Louise smiled.
"Sapphire's dreading the idea of her starting kindergarten, but I think she's more than ready," Jim confessed. "Wow, we've got a lot of people here."
"The game's more than halfway done," Lester explained. "Which you'd know if you tuned in to the VIP feeds once in a while."
"I'm... clearly busy," Jim winced as he gestured behind him.
"Don't mind him. You've got a question for Louise?" River coaxed.
"Right," Jim nodded. "I'll start by making it clear that this isn't a judgmental question. Like I said, I haven't had much of a chance to tune in to what's going on. That makes sense, right?"
"Sure. What's up?" Louise asked, unsure.
Jim cleared his throat. "Do you think you played a game you'll be proud of later down the line? And what advice would you give to help people avoid doing something that will embarrass them later? It's something I think about a lot. We've got to set an example for the next generation. And it's easy to forget that mistakes you make can stick around forever these days." He lowered his voice. "I'm not telling Emerald about Total Drama. I don't want her to see me like that."
"I think about that kind of thing a lot, too," Louise assured him. "Elmer and I have talked about kids. I'd love to have kids! That's actually something I kept in mind as I played: whether or not I'm setting a good example. I'm proud of how I played now, and I think I'll still be later down the line. Sure, there were mistakes, but there always are. As for advice... Just don't worry about it!"
"Huh?" Jim blinked.
"Worrying too much about what might be embarrassing just means you won't take any chances," Louise explained. "Obviously you want to have good judgment, but fretting about everything doesn't sound fun. And even if you do something embarrassing, people won't latch onto it so much if you take it in stride. At least in my experience."
"...What if you really hurt someone?" Lauren asked.
"That is different," Louise acknowledged. "Apologize, of course. And at least try not to sound insincere. If they accept the apology, great. If not, then don't push. Either way, learning from your mistakes is important."
Lauren nodded.
"Well, when you do have kids, you'll be a hell of a mom," Jim complimented. "Well, that's all I had to say. Best of luck to whoever is still in the game."
"Bye, Jim!" Louise waved.
"Thanks, Jim," Lester smiled. The monitor shut off.
"So, when are you planning on trying?" Jessica teased Elmer.
"W-Well, we weren't going to start trying until after this season, obviously," Elmer explained, flustered. "I'm still not entirely sure we're ready."
"Nobody is truly ready, they say," Jean-Marie smiled. "You don't seem unqualified to me."
"Thaaaaanks?" Elmer responded.
"Last question for Louise," River interrupted. "Who do you want to win, and who do you want to go home next?"
"Oh, easy," Louise said. "I want Cyan to win, and I want Vladimir gone next. That's pretty cut-and-dry.
"Ah, I see you're a woman of culture as well," Kiki smiled.
"Did Kiki just tell an honest-to-god joke?" Ernie reacted. "I'm scared. Bring out Shadya."
"Will do!" Lester agreed.
"She's set more world records than anyone could care to count, and conquering Total Drama was the next goal on her list," River began. "After running the ship throughout all of Shuffle Party, the huge target on her back cost her in the end. Now back and on a team full of power players, she couldn't quite command the respect she did before, and had to fight for her position at the top. Once she made it, though, a scorned ally played a Statue and sent her out of the game. Here's Shadya Aiyub, everyone."
The crowd cheered as Shadya made her way onto the stage and joined the other guests on the couches.
"Did Robby bug anyone else to invest in RobbyCoin, or was that just me?" Shadya grunted.
"Nope," Louise answered.
"Not me," Kiki answered.
"I don't know what any of that means," Dalit answered.
"So he is trying to capitalize on my prior successes. Just curious," Shadya nodded.
"Humble-bragging right out of the gate. Missed you!" Nestor called.
"Who are you?" Shadya asked.
"I will menage with her," Nestor told Virgil.
"You can feel free to be the one who asks her," Virgil blushed.
"Well hey, welcome to the show, Shadya," Lester addressed.
"You aren't someone who likes to mince words, so let's get straight to it," River smirked. "Right out of the gate, you put together a majority on the Grand Gryphons, and even swung the first vote the way you wanted. Things didn't go as well in the second vote. What do you think happened?"
"The technical answer is that Bailey and Brittany either flipped, or were always working with Hugh and Irving and I just had no idea," Shadya explained. "As for why, I still could not tell you. My best guess is that they sold them the idea of an alliance that nobody would see coming, realizing that those two would always be bigger targets than them."
"That be shockingly close to how it went down!" Irving guffawed.
"And yet, Bailey and Brittany have both caught more heat than Hugh," Kiki scoffed. "'Bigger targets' my ass."
"That's because Hugh is childish and nobody takes him seriously," Genesis texted. "He's not worth directing anger at."
"I've got an entire hour-long video on why that is not the case, if you're curious," Fauna mentioned.
"I helped," Bijou said proudly.
"Either way, it's an undeniable fact that Bailey and Brittany worked closely with Hugh and Irving," Shadya reiterated. "When you consider that both halves of that alliance had planted seeds in just about everyone on the team, it's not surprising they were able to get people to go their way. I still can't fathom why it worked for them and not Isidora, whom they claimed was playing all sides, or for me, also playing all sides, but it worked."
"Clearly everyone is just jealous of our unmatchable social finesse," Isidora droned.
"What else is new?" Shadya played along.
"So by that logic, like, everyone in that alliance has no social finesse to be jealous of?" Ernie snickered.
"Well that obviously can't be true!" Irving denied.
"If it was, they'd all be voted out immediately, like meeeeeee~" Lilith backed up.
"Targeting threats has always been a factor in this game," Shadya continued. "It happened in the very first vote, even if to no avail. I did everything I could to keep myself safe knowing that. As is always the case, my failure to win this game was due to factors entirely beyond my control."
"Naturally," Lester agreed. "Now Shadya, you and Quentin got pretty close after the team shuffle. Putting aside your fresh feelings after tonight's vote, what were your feelings towards Quentin? Just an ally? An actual friend? A potential lover?"
Shadya's face hardened. "I did consider him a friend. He seemed like a truly genuine person."
"So genuine, perchance, that he didn't want to believe thou were playing both sides," Hildegard spat. "I, too, would be upset."
"That doesn't make his move any less boneheaded," Shadya insisted. "I don't know how he plans on moving forward. Does he expect Bailey's alliance to take him in? They'll only cut him at final four. The Wyverns? They've had no sway all merge. Vladimir? Barely worth acknowledging."
"That's where you went wrong!" Spankety protested. "Quentin's an emotional thinker! Making plans behind his back and expecting him to just understand... That's not how it works!"
"I am fully aware that Quentin does not think based entirely on logic," Shadya scowled. "That does not make his move any smarter. I figured even he would know better than to do something like that."
"But that's just it!" Bunko added. "When your emotions take over, you don't think about what's smart."
"Yes, I know what catharsis is," Shadya said flatly. "The strength to resist temptation in any form, however, is one of the most valuable strengths there is. It takes nothing to give in to the whims of passion, positive or negative. I had no impression that Quentin would be so weak in that regard. His emotional maturity was a big part of the reason why I respected him."
"Quentin is a more complex person than perhaps any of us truly know," Jean-Marie mused.
"That's a charitable way to put it," Shadya snorted.
"Shadya," Jessica sighed. "I understand that losing is never easy, especially to someone who deservedly takes great pride in her accomplishments. But even you have to realize that perfection isn't a realistic height to aspire to. Isn't recognizing and learning from your mistakes part of achieving all you've done?"
"My accomplishments are mine and mine alone," Shadya claimed. "They were made with nobody else's input. Without any chance of someone else getting in my way. Nobody is perfect at everything from the outset. You're right in saying that I should be proud of my accomplishments, because I've worked hard for them. Total Drama should have been one of those accomplishments."
"That's the thing though: Total Drama isn't something you can accomplish on your own," Godfrey claimed.
"You of all people should not be highlighting that," Ginger teased.
"Shawn came damn close, but don't get me started on Shawn," Nestor chimed in.
"Do not get him started on Shawn," Virgil warned gravely.
"So, what next?" River asked Shadya. "If Total Drama isn't the accomplishment you hoped for, what's Shadya Aiyub's next goal?"
"The Challenge," Shadya answered. "I refuse to let Geoff and Gretchen be the only Total Drama alumni to win another reality show."
"The only reason I never won The Tester is because it was canceled after the third season," Lester claimed.
"When's Pirate Master coming back?!" Irving lamented.
"Didn't Tyler win one of those weird reality shows he was in an episode of?" Genesis texted.
"The fact that you aren't sure which show, let alone if he won, says a lot about how much it would matter in the first place," Shadya said.
Genesis silently chuckled.
"Of course, I'm in no rush to return to reality TV at the moment," Shadya continued. "Until then, there are several skills I can brush up on. As embarrassing as it is to admit, I'm still only fluent in eight languages. That's unacceptable."
"Don't worry, we all have our off periods," Ernie snarked.
"I suppose you would be more sympathetic to that after this season," Shadya nodded.
"See, you can comprehend people's emotions just fine. Buck up," Ernie retorted.
Shadya sighed. "We really could have done something with this game. How the hell did that alliance take power?"
"Vlad and I had a side deal with Hugh," Steve Jenkins explained.
"You worked with Brittany's ally?" Isidora doubted.
"Obviously, once she was out of the way, Hugh could dedicate his life to Steve Jenkins, as we all want to someday," Steve Jenkins claimed.
"I know I'm still awaiting my opportunity," Zarardo joked.
"Attaching yourself to a delusional blond man with questionable facial hair the first time didn't put you off of trying it again?" Bijou asked flatly.
"It took the heat off of me for a fair amount of time, didn't it?" Zarardo grinned as he played with his Fushigi ball.
"So all I've got to do is grow a crappy beard, and my next shot at the game will go flawlessly!" Mac snapped his fingers.
"You've tried this before. I will break up with you if you try it again," Spankety told him.
"Hmmm, now that puts me in a pickle," Mac thought aloud.
"So did Mac just call himself delusional, or...?" Ephraim asked.
"Don't question it!" Mac and Spankety laughed in unison.
"I thank myself every day for not applying to House Party," Shadya commented.
"As much fun as we're all having here, sadly we've got a timeslot to adhere to," Lester butted in. "So here's another write-in viewer question. Titus Suarez asks of Shadya: 'You insist on being the greatest person on Earth. In your opinion then, who is the greatest person who ever lived BESIDES yourself? A second place, if you will.' I see."
"...My future daughter, Nafisa," Shadya answered. "Granted, she has not been born yet, but I've no doubt she will surpass all expectations."
"We do not need to put any more pressure on women than society already does," Kiki chided.
"Any child of mine will have the capacity to do everything expected of them and more," Shadya dismissed.
"Who's the father?" Louise bugged.
"Someone impressive enough for me to consider him worthy," Shadya answered. "I have yet to meet that person."
"Didn't you kind of have a thing for Jeremy way back when?" Bunko asked.
"S-Schoolgirl crushes are not the same as seeking an ideal partner for carving the future," Shadya responded.
"Don't suppose you have an answer for the viewer question who's already been alive long enough to have accomplished anything?" River asked.
"My biological mother, Fatima Amjad," Shadya sighed. "CEO of Reality Pales, a big TV network conglomerate. She has enriched more lives than anyone can count, and found an equally successful husband long after she made herself who she is. She is a suitable second place."
"Reality Pales? Isn't that the conglomerate our network is a part of?" River asked Lester.
"Sounds right," Lester answered.
"Wow, nepotism, huh?" Ginger teased.
"I had not met her before I signed up for this show, and you know that," Shadya leered. "Besides, do you really think I wouldn't have been cast without that kind of help? Be realistic."
"You think you can pull some strings and get this show a higher budget for next season?" Lester whispered.
"Even if I could, I don't particularly want to," Shadya told him. "My opinion of this show is not at an all-time high."
"Well hey, one last question before we move on," Lester segued. "Who do you want to win, and who do you want to see go home next?"
"I really have to choose a winner out of the eight left?" Shadya grimaced.
"Are you telling me there's something out there that you can't do?" Roxie challenged.
"If I must pick, then I choose Brittany," Shadya answered. "I'm frankly tired of any notion that prior success should deny someone of future success. And Quentin is the obvious answer for who should go home next."
"Can you deny Brittany for being rude?" Dalit pouted.
"This is 100% the wrong show for that," Nolan chuckled.
"And if you think Brittany's rude, it's no wonder you never made merge," Virgil condescended.
"Care to repeat that?" Ephraim grunted.
"N-Not particularly," Virgil gulped.
"Well hey, it's about that time of the show again!" Lester interrupted. "You know what I'm talking about, River?"
"The time when we're all honest about our insecurities and help each other cope by supporting one another?" River asked.
"Close!" Lester grinned. "It's the Last Hurrah Challenge!"
"The what?" Kiki asked.
"It couldn't be simpler," Lester assured her.
Interns handed the four guests a small touchscreen tablet. The monitor that showed Sierra and Jim before turned on, showing the four guest's faces next to a number.
"We're going to ask you ten multiple-choice questions about the people in the peanut gallery," River explained. "It's not going to be anything you wouldn't know even if you saw them on the show. Whoever has the most points after ten questions wins. Pretty straightforward stuff."
"What do we win?" Louise asked.
"You'll see!" Lester answered.
"And if we tie?" Shadya inquired.
"Tiebreaker questions until the tie is broken," River said.
"Makes sense," Kiki figured.
"Great, because we're starting... now!" Lester declared.
"Question One," River began. "What kind of sushi has Bunko admitted to disliking? A: Salmon roe. B: Urchin. C: Egg. D: Anything spicy."
"I don't know what half those things are," Dalit winced.
"You watched the season! Just remember!" Bijou called out.
"Didn't think I'd have to say this, but don't address them while they're guessing," River instructed. "Or else they just won't get a point even if they're right."
Dalit answered D, Kiki answered B, Louise answered B, Shadya answered B.
"The correct answer was B!" Lester revealed. "Kiki, Louise, and Shadya got it right, but Dalit wouldn't have gotten a point anyway."
"You're annoying!" Dalit insulted.
"Right back atcha," Lester winked.
"I still don't like uni," Bunko admitted.
"It's not for everyone," Kiki empathized.
"Question Two!" Lester announced. "The final five of Alpha Party got a visit from some loved ones. What hobby did Genesis' friend Gracelyn have? Was it A: Trading cards. B: Gambling. C: Martial arts. D: Cosplay."
"She's still doing it to this day," Genesis texted.
"I feel like I should remember this," Kiki cursed.
Dalit answered B, Kiki answered A, Louise answered D, Shadya answered D.
"It was D, cosplay," River revealed. "Points for Louise and Shadya."
"Should I just keep answering the thing where I don't know what it is?" Dalit scowled.
"Honestly? Might not be a bad strategy," Kiki figured.
"I always thought it was cool how Genesis met her friend in person for the first time on the show," Louise beamed. "Not quite as romantic as with me and Elmer, but still cool."
"Alright, Question Three," River continued. "Back in House Party, Spankety apologized to her clown friends during her sad sack arc. Which of these was not one of the names she listed? A: Stewart. B: Adam. C: Vikki. D: Retardo."
"Come on, give us a hard one," Louise laughed. "This was one of the questions in the quiz episode of that season."
"That's right, she's a superfan, I almost forgot," Virgil commented.
Dalit answered D, Kiki answered B, Louise answered B, Shadya answered B.
"Correct answer was B!" Lester revealed. "Points for Kiki, Louise, and Shadya!"
"Give me a break!" Dalit cried.
"Stewart's the only one I still talk to," Spankety confessed. "And when I say I'm the one who talks to him, I really mean it!"
...
"...That would make more sense if you knew he was a mime. My bad," Spankety conceded.
She honked her nose sadly. Mac rubbed her shoulder supportively.
"Question the Fourth!" Lester segued. "The Best Team got comfort items as a reward for winning an early challenge. What was Nestor's item? A: An MP3 player. B: A journal. C: A teddy bear. D: A skateboard."
"I guess this means they won't ask about my item," Jessica tittered.
"They could not show it on screen. And for good reason!" Hildegard added.
"You stole glances," Jessica smirked.
"I did no such thing!" Hildegard denied.
Dalit answered C, Kiki answered C, Louise answered C, Shadya answered C.
"Yes, the teddy bear in RuPaul's image was Nestor's reward," River confirmed. "Points for everyone."
"I couldn't forget about that thing if I wanted to," Shadya commented.
"It was a tacky as hell gift, but I kinda appreciate the intent behind it," Nestor admitted.
"Alright, Question Five," River said. "We all remember Alpha Party's fear challenge, right? What was Fauna's fear? A: Childbirth. B: Dolls. C: Extreme cold. D: Flying."
"I mean, I don't love any of those things," Fauna mentioned. "But who does, really?"
"Dolls are soooooo cute," Lilith swooned.
"I was going to stand up for dolls, but ye know what, I've changed me mind," Irving mentioned.
"You like dolls?" Roxie disbelieved.
Dalit answered A. Kiki answered A. Louise answered A. Shadya answered A.
"Yep, that's not an easy one to forget," Lester nodded. "Childbirth was right, another point for everyone!"
"Lying in anguish for hours on end? Been there, done that," Shadya dismissed.
"When was that? Lying on a bed of nails, or breaking the world record for time spent in a sauna?" Kiki snarked.
"No," Shadya answered.
"The real hard part is raising the kid," Louise claimed. "But hey, we'll get there soon! Right, babe?!"
"W-We agreed on after I turn 25 at least!" Elmer blushed. "That won't be for a while!"
"Time flies. Time flies," Louise said proudly.
"That's not the only thing that's about to fly," Roxie gagged.
"That's two points for Dalit, four for Kiki, and all five for Louise and Shadya!" Lester announced. "Let's see if Question Six shakes things up. Which cast member of The Sex Factor did Jessica claim she's had lunch with before?"
"I'm sorry?!" Kiki blinked.
"A: Blair Williams. B: Allie Knox. C: Kaelin Blake. D: Khaya Peake," Lester listed.
Louise and Shadya answered immediately. Dalit and Kiki shared an awkward glance.
"For the record, that wasn't an innuendo, it really was just lunch," Jessica mentioned. "Haven't seen her since, sadly. Hope she's doing alright."
Dalit and Kiki submitted their answers.
"I like the idea that Lester had to watch The Sex Factor to come up with other answers, by the way," Jessica mentioned.
"Its cast list is on Wikipedia. I didn't have to watch it," Lester claimed.
"That's not an outright denial that you checked it out anyway," River pointed out.
Dalit answered D. Kiki answered B. Louise answered C. Shadya answered D.
"It was D. Dalit and Shadya got it right," River nodded.
"Aw, I knew it was C or D!" Louise reacted.
"I guessed," Dalit stated.
"Me too," Kiki huffed.
"Your scores might be uneven, but this is still anyone's game!" Lester encouraged.
"Don't give them false hope. It's rude," Shadya said.
"Now you're concerned about being rude?" Elmer reacted.
"Question Seven," River continued. "What flavor of lollipop inspired Virgil to name his team the Luscious Lollipops? A: Grape. B: Orange. C: Cherry. D: Strawberry."
"I remember it fondly," Virgil nodded nostalgically.
"Luscious Lollipops is still one of my favorite team names in the show's history," Louise complimented.
"Although nothing's ever going to top Team Weed and Team Beer," Genesis texted.
"TRUE," Nestor laughed.
Dalit answered D. Kiki answered C. Louise answered C. Shadya answered C.
"It was C for Cherry!" Lester confirmed. "Kiki, Louise, and Shadya are still in that tight race for first. Dalit... can still tie with Shadya if the others all get the rest of them wrong and she gets all of them right."
"Oh joy," Dalit huffed.
"She was very busy with her career and didn't have time to brush up on obscure trivia," Bijou insisted. "Dalit simply has her priorities in check, that's all."
"Besides, there isn't much stake to winning or losing this anyway," Ephraim added.
"They still don't know the prize! Shush!" Lester scolded. "Anyway, Question Eight! When asked who she thought was going to win in the losers interview episode, what was Jilly's answer? A: Judy. B: Barry. C: Franklin. D: David."
"Man, your girl doesn't even know the answer to that one," Jilly admitted.
"I have an idea, but..." Lauren chuckled.
"Nothing ever came of that and you know it," Jilly sighed.
Lauren patted her on the back.
Dalit answered A. Kiki answered D. Louise answered D. Shadya answered D.
"Heh, well what do you know?" River remarked. "The answer was actually B, Barry."
"He probably could have made it to the end, too, if that robot didn't screw his game over," Nolan noted.
"Story of my fucking life," Roxie spat.
"Anyway, this means that the points haven't changed at all," River said. "But hey, don't give up," he added flatly.
"I never do!" Louise beamed.
Shadows covered Shadya's eyes.
"Question Nine," River began. "What did Bijou claim her favorite music genre was when she talked about it with Stormy~? A: Classical. B: Lounge. C: R&B. D: Easy Listening."
"Talked about it with who? I don't know who you're talking about!" Lester insisted.
"Ahhhhh, riiiiiight," River snickered. "She gave up her dead-end idol career and became a salarywoman, so she's Sayaka now. Almost forgot."
"And even after that, she still hasn't contacted me once!" Lester sobbed. "N-Not that it matters, or anything. Long-distance friendships fade away, it happens!"
Dalit answered A. Kiki answered A. Louise answered B. Shadya answered A.
"Well, it wasn't B for Bijou," Lester said, composing himself. "Louise got it wrong, but everyone who guessed A was right!"
"This confirms my winning this challenge," Shadya pointed out.
"Yeah, but it wouldn't be fair to Jim if we skipped his question just because of that," Lester frowned.
"The fact that I'm sitting here exemplifies that life is inherently not fair," Shadya growled.
"Besides, Jim's not even here," Ernie mentioned.
"Oop, he just posted in the livestream chat. He is still watching," River mentioned as he looked at his phone. "He says hi, Ernie."
"Salutations," Ernie droned.
"Anyway." Lester cleared his throat. "Which of these names was not under consideration for Jim's kid when his girlfriend was still pregnant? A: Cobalt. B: Rusty. C: Fuchsia. D: Emerald."
"Well, we know one of these is wrong for sure," Kiki smiled.
"But what if they picked that name after the baby was born?" Dalit wondered.
"Huh... Now I don't trust my own memory, damn," Kiki cursed.
"Way to gaslight her, Dalit!" Irving laughed.
"Shut up, Irving!" Dalit and Kiki both shouted.
Dalit answered A. Kiki answered B. Louise answered B. Shadya answered B.
"Yep, the name Rusty was never on the table as far as I know," River confirmed. "That leaves our final scores at Dalit: 4, Kiki and Louise: 7, Shadya: 9."
"Meaning that Shadya has, indeed, won the Last Hurrah Challenge!" Lester announced.
"Try to contain your excitement," River added.
"So what do I get for winning this?" Shadya asked impatiently.
"The satisfaction of a job well done," River claimed. "Also, Brittany gets a clue to find a hidden statue, since she's the one you cited as the one you hoped would win."
"Hey, I got her a clue, too!" Irving grinned. "I guess we be even more alike than we already knew, eh Shadya?"
Shadya looked at him patronizingly.
"It's been a ton of fun, everyone, but I'm afraid that with the challenge's conclusion, that's all we have for you tonight," Lester told the camera.
"Try not to miss us too much," River said. "But hey, you'll get to see us again one episode before the finale. It's closer than it feels like."
"And until then, tune in to the wild goings-on of the game proper!" Lester commanded. "Eight are left, and anything can happen with the wild dynamics of these bozos."
"Genuinely could not have said it better myself," River remarked.
"We'll see you then!" Lester whooped. "On Total!"
"Drama," River continued.
"Party with the Stars!" both concluded.
"And don't forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel!" Steve Jenkins added.
"And mine!" Fauna added.
"And mine!" Mac added.
"You have a YouTube channel?" Joseph asked.
"I don't post videos, but technically, yes," Mac explained. "Heeheehahaha!"