A/N: Next chapter is up and the changes are really starting now. Please enjoy!
-oOo-
Chapter 9
Hermione woke up from the sun streaming through the curtains onto her face and a light tickle on her neck. She stretched her body, letting out a soft squeak as something shifted beside her. Looking over she noticed that it was James once again sleeping beside her, the night before coming back to her. He was snuggled into her hair with a content smile and when she moved to brush a dark piece of hair off his face, she felt something hard poking into her back. As tempted as she was, she knew that was not a step she was ready to take with the wizard, so she carefully, but quickly, extracted herself without waking James. She grabbed her clothes from the day before and ran back to her dorm. She dropped her clothes on her bed and headed straight for the bathroom. She fell against the door as she closed it, sliding down to the floor with a sigh.
She had once again slept with James, literally slept, and both times she had been free of her nightmares. He had said he wanted to protect her, keep her safe, and it appears that is exactly what he did, he protected her from her mind, her nightmares. He had also kissed her, she raised her hand to her lips and remembered the feel of his against hers. The feel of him nibbling on her bottom lip, pulling it into his mouth, and sucking on it. She told him she didn't want to fight her feelings anymore, but could she begin a relationship with him?
Could she forget all her fears, her feelings of unworthiness? Could she give him the love he deserved? While she knew she could, she could certainly fall in love with the wizard easily, she knew it wasn't the best idea. There was a dangerous variable in her dating James Potter and that came in the form of a rat. If she dated James and fell in love with him, his life would be in significantly more danger by being around her. Who knew what Pettigrew would do to James to get to her, or to fulfill his betrayal?
Too much would change if she officially dated James Potter.
She groaned into her hands, why was nothing ever simple for her? Home life, Hogwarts, war, romance, if her life was a crossroads, she would always be forced to take the road with the most obstacles and hardships.
Nothing was ever simple for her, especially not relationships, and not just romantic relationships. Her parents feared and hated her magic, her best friends never truly cared for what she was passionate about, they often made fun of her love of books, Ron said cruel things to her, Harry even stopped talking to her twice over asinine things; a broom and a book. Both of which she was just looking out for her best friend's safety. Even her teachers built these expectations of her and if she ever fell short because she was having a bad day, their disappointment was voiced.
Romantic relationships were a whole other story.
Viktor Krum was the first male to notice her as a girl. He was older and mostly interested in the physical aspects of their relationships. Not only could he not even pronounce her name, but she also had her name plastered over tabloids with lies about her. While she enjoyed her time with him in Bulgaria and he had been very attentive during her first time, there was no connection between them. He cared for her mostly because she didn't see him as the international quidditch star, not because they shared interests or desires.
Ronald Weasley had been who everyone assumed she would end up with. She didn't even fancy him, he always said the wrong thing, they always argued, he made her cry countless times, and he dated Lavender Brown to spite her. Just because Ginny told him about Hermione and Viktor snogging, he became jealous. She honestly didn't care that he dated a witch, it was the fact he chose the girl who, after Pansy Parkinson, was the cruelest to her. Not only that, but he had abandoned them on the hunt, and left them during the war, when they could die any minute, all because he was hungry. She knew he liked her, she tried to steer him away from that thought, show him she was just a friend, but she knew it never worked. The kiss he gave her in front of Harry was proof of that, she had just wanted a hug and he had mistaken that as a time to kiss her very breath away.
It was like kissing her brother.
It reminded her of the kiss she shared with Harry when they were thirteen. It was wrong. All wrong.
Her trysts with the Slytherins, could they really be counted as relationships?
They were passionate, generally anger-fueled shags, not what she would consider romantic in any sense. While they had begun as meetings of release, they evolved into something a little more. A comradery was built between them, although it would likely have remained a secret if they had all survived.
Her lack of experience with relationships was not her only worry; her scars also gave her pause. And not just the physical ones. Her skin was marred, and her mind was plagued with traumatic memories. None of her past dalliances had seen her naked, except Viktor. He had seen her before the war had begun before she was in the Department of Mysteries before she fought Death Eaters for her life. No one had seen her torso since Madame Pomfrey looked her over and gave her her potion regimen. She would always ensure the lights were off if her shirt came off, and if they weren't her shirt would not be removed.
The scar on her torso was a horrific reminder of how close to death she came, and the pain she experienced while she was unconscious. She had let out such a small 'oh' after she had been hit and fallen to the ground, everyone said she looked dead, she was so quiet, but internally she was burning, her insides on fire as the magic spread through her. Dolohov's self-created curse felt like it was splitting her in half.
With a deep sigh, Hermione pushed herself off the floor after coming to a decision. She would talk to James about everything, he had to understand why she was reluctant to begin anything with him. Even if they did begin something, she knew they would need to take it slow, she didn't want to fuck up another relationship, and she couldn't ruin her friendship with James. He was too important. Also, if they waited for Pettigrew to be dealt with, if he could wait, maybe that would give her time to come to peace with her own insecurities.
Hermione started the shower and climbed under the hot stream of water, the steam building up around her. She thought about James and what he looked like as he removed his clothes last night, making her feel flushed from her toes up to her head. He made her entire body feel hot and bothered, riled up as she had never experienced. She cursed herself for deciding that she needed to go slow with James, which meant she would need to satisfy herself. Needs that had been left unsatisfied after sleeping beside him, snogging him, and waking up to his very impressive erection.
She reached for her lavender-scented soap and began massaging it into her skin. She lathered it up her neck and ran her hands down to her breasts, moving her hands in circles and occasionally squeezing, her fingers teasing her nipples as they brushed past. Her nipples pebbled at the sensations and she tweaked them lightly, sending a shock down to her core. She thought of James' hands on her, resulting in some of the most euphoric feelings rushing through her. She imagined his hands running down her body, dipping into her folds, feeling her juices mixing with the water, and making her pant. Her pussy was eager, so very eager to feel him. Hermione ran her fingers down her slit, teasing her folds as more essence leaked out, and thrust one digit into her entrance. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head, her body arching against the wall.
"Oh, James.." she moaned, her finger moving in and out, adding a second finger, followed by a third. It didn't take long until Hermione could feel her release.
'So close,' she thought, 'so, so close.'
She lifted one foot to rest further up the wall to widen her legs and give her more access. When her thumb brushed over her clit, she felt the pressure inside her release as the most intense orgasm hit her. Her knees shook under her, and stars remained in her vision as she slipped down the wall. Pushing through her exhaustion, Hermione finished cleaning herself off and washing her hair before turning off the shower and getting dressed. She grabbed her bag and made her way to the Great Hall for breakfast.
-oOo-
James was woken by the sun streaming through his eyes and when he reached over for Hermione he found her side of the bed cold. He let out a disappointed sigh, rolling over and looking at the ceiling as he thought about her. Maybe he pushed her too far yesterday, was given an inch, and took a mile. He wouldn't give up though, maybe he wouldn't come on so strong again, not until she was ready, but he would wait however long it took for her to be okay with a relationship with him.
He knew she was self-conscious, he wasn't sure of her relationship history, minus sleeping with Slytherins, but she did not find herself attractive. Between her history and her scars, she didn't see the beauty that he saw. The way her eyes lit up, sparkling with emotion, her single dimple on her right cheek when she gave a genuine smile, a little button nose covered in a sprinkle of freckles that he could gaze at like the stars in the sky, and her hair. He was enamored by her hair, it was just as untamable as her, each curl unique, some were waves, some were ringlets, some were twisted, there was no conformity, and when she was extremely emotional, her hair reacted. It sparked when she was mad, and when she was happy, it was like it was blowing in the wind.
And that was just looking at it.
Once he got his hands on it, he couldn't stop. He was obsessed with touching her hair. If he wasn't touching it, he would be thinking about it, and yesterday he got to dive his hands into it as he finally got to kiss her. It was softer than he thought, thick and luscious and he couldn't wait to do it again.
Yesterday had been amazing, although it had started terribly. Hermione had avoided him and his friends and two witches tried to pull him aside for a snog. One in a broom cupboard and the other in an empty classroom. Neither listened to him when he tried to tell them no when he pushed their hands off them and told them it was over. They just looked at him through their lashes, coyly smirked at him, and walked away, calling over their shoulders that they knew what game he was playing. He could have kicked himself for his previous habits with the witches of the school. Of course, they thought he was just playing his favourite game with them, the one where he rejected the girl, teased her, and sent her dirty owl post, until both of them were frantic. Sometimes he pushed it so far, he became animalistic, so rough that he left bruises and left a witch walking funny.
It used to give him so much joy, and now it made him sick to his stomach.
He didn't want them. He only wanted Hermione.
He knew witches could be cruel, especially to competition. Once they found out he was interested in only Hermione, they would try and hurt her. Not physically, no, they would go after her confidence and make her believe he only played games. They would tell her about those games and if they tried to pull him aside, and Hermione saw, she would probably believe James was playing with her. She would believe he wasn't the committed type, which he wasn't, not until she arrived.
It also didn't help that Hermione was playing his favourite game without even realizing it. The almost kisses, the light touches, the smiles, his dreams, it was the beginning of the chase. Then they snogged in the classroom, and brought him so close, only for the moment to pass. He was left wanting, and needing, but he loved it.
James knew he had to gain her trust, build her confidence, and always be there for her. That was what was most important, and if they could have that relationship too, that would be a bonus. She already held his heart, he had given it to her entirely, and he just needed to become someone she could trust to give hers. Even if she never gave it to him, he would always be there for her. He knew she thought her heart was in a thousand pieces, that she needed to rebuild it before giving it to anyone. But that wasn't true. Her heart was whole, she had just surrounded it by a wall, shields to protect herself. Each new barrier building after each death, each tragic moment in her life. He would find a door, he would find a way through to her so he could help her lower those walls and be able to trust others again.
James let out a groan, ran his hands down his face, and dragged himself out of bed. He decided to skip a shower, he had spent too much time laying there thinking about Hermione and her hair. He may or may not have also wanted to keep Hermione's scent of lavender and parchment on him for as long as he could, it was faint, but it was enough for him to smile every time he got a blast of it.
Once he was dressed in his uniform, he grabbed his rucksack and found Sirius lounging casually across the couch in the common room.
"Pads, how's it going?" James asked, walking towards Sirius, who jumped up at the sound of his friend's voice.
"Dreadful Prongs, I didn't get a wink of beauty sleep and my hair is suffering!" Sirius gasped, theatrically gesturing his hair. Which looked perfect, as usual.
"Not the hair!" laughed James, "How will the witches cope?"
"Damn the witches Prongs, think of me! Me! Sirius Black was not meant to sleep on a couch," shrieked Sirius, his distress lessened by the mirth in his eyes and a large smile on his face. However, the expression changed and his tone deepened, quietly explaining, "I couldn't sleep up there with him. Moony stayed with Lil and I didn't want to be alone with him. I would have done something stupid with him stuck on that bed."
James gave him a solemn, understanding nod, "I get it, I couldn't let Hermione sleep alone either."
"Aye, she didn't see me when she came running out of there in your boxers and shirt," Sirius said, his eyebrows waggling.
"Nothing happened," James replied. While it wasn't a lie, nothing happened last night, he wasn't ready to tell his friends about their snog, Hermione wasn't the kind of witch you kiss and tell about. Once they were dating, once there was something solid, he would tell them. "She didn't have any nightmares though, at least none that woke me up. I am a little disappointed she was gone before I woke up, though," he said with a disappointed look.
Sirius clapped James' back in sympathy, he knew his friend fancied the witch. He knew it was more than anything he had shared with a previous witch, there was a connection between James and Hermione. One that both he and Remus noticed right away, they had talked about it a few times. Especially when they saw how unhappy James looked that day when Hermione had drawn back from them. There was a dullness to both James and Hermione when they weren't near each other, and both sparked when they were near. A brightness entered both of their eyes that could only be described as magical. It reminded Sirius of how Remus and Lily, and if he was honest, he was a little jealous. He wanted to find someone he had a connection with, passion and adoration that was present even with clothes on.
Sirius' thoughts were distracted by the appearance of Remus, Lily, and Marlene.
"Where are Peter and Hermione?" Marlene asked.
"Petey is incapacitated and will not be joining us until sometime later today," smirked Sirius, "Hermione, though, wasn't she in your dorm? I saw her go up there."
"I heard her go for a shower very early this morning, but I fell back to sleep. She was gone when I woke up again," explained Dorcas.
James was not feeling very confident about Hermione's mood hearing this. Was she so afraid of being around him that she rushed out early and didn't even wait for anyone? Was she going to stay distanced from everyone again today?
"Let's go and see if she's down at breakfast," Lily announced cheerfully. The redhead wanted to get to know the witch but didn't know how really. She wanted Hermione to feel comfortable and open with them, but Hermione knew so much about her already. She had this built-up idea of who Lily Evans-Potter was and how brave she was, and now she arrives in the past and finds out that everything she knew was a lie. Not only that, but she was also suffering after a war and loss, something that Lily had no way to relate to. Lily was close with the girls, Marlene, Dorcas, and Mary, but they weren't part of the Marauders. They didn't know about the animagus and Sirius' life, they only knew the basics. They knew Remus was a werewolf and Sirius had been disowned, but none of them had seen the true, raw side of the Marauders.
They didn't watch Sirius scream and cry and destroy everything in his bedroom in Potter manor. They didn't find him curled in a ball in the middle of his room, his knuckles bloody and tear tracks down his cheeks.
They didn't see Remus the morning after a transformation. They never saw him after he fought with his friends and worked himself up so much that Moony gouged out a chunk of skin from his back. They didn't see Remus react to Sirius after he learned about the prank on Snape. The heartbreak and betrayal in Remus' eyes, the devastation, and guilt in Sirius' eyes as they looked at each other.
They hadn't seen James cry or need to wrap his arms around them when he thought he would lose his best friends. When he believed Sirius had gone too far and Remus would never forgive him, believing the Marauders were officially over. They hadn't seen James need to be held back by his own father when Sirius arrived at Potter Manor after being disowned when James saw the blood on his best friend's clothes and face.
Lily had though.
She had seen it all, she had witnessed them at their best and their absolute best.
If Lily could help the Marauders and be there for them, she knew she could with Hermione. She just needed to get to know Hermione, learn about her, and become her friend so she knew how to help her. So she could learn how to be a good friend and be there for Hermione at her worst. Although Lily hoped Hermione never had to experience the worst again. She wanted to be there for her to help her end this war so they could all live happily.
When the group arrived at the Great Hall, they found Hermione sitting at the Gryffindor table writing furiously on a piece of parchment. James made sure that he was sitting beside her, but she did not even notice them as they arranged themselves around her. He leaned in close to her ear and whispered to her good morning, causing her to jump.
"Good morning," she replied with a blush. She smiled at the others in greeting but turned back to her parchment rather than instigate a conversation.
"What are you working on Hermione?" asked Lily as she nibbled on some toast.
"Just something for Professor Dumbledore," she replied. Hermione was writing the ingredients for the Wolfsbane potion to provide to the headmaster so that she could begin brewing. She had two weeks to procure the ingredients, leaving her one week to brew before the week leading up to the moon. There was no room for error, the potion had to be ready the week before the full moon for Remus to drink every day, if he missed even one dose, every other dose would be rendered ineffective.
Hermione glanced up from her work and noticed Regulus and Severus at the Slytherin table, both were looking toward the Gryffindor table searchingly. Hermione knew they were looking for Peter and that they would not find him for several hours. She caught Regulus' eye, smirked at him, and gave a slight shake of her head, letting him know Peter would not be down.
Sirius, noticing the smirk, looked over his shoulder and saw his brother and Snape. If Sirius hadn't been looking for it, he wouldn't have noticed, but he was and he noticed the slight nod of understanding from the Slytherins. He watched his brother for a moment but had to look away as the guilt twisted his stomach again. Watching his brother he didn't see the Slytherin he used to, he didn't see the pureblood Black heir, he saw his little brother, he saw the boy that played with him and chased after him asking him everything he could ever think of. He saw the boy that used to look up to, the little boy he promised would always be his brother. The boy he abandoned, the boy he broke his promise to.
Turning away and pushing away the pain, Sirius started a conversation with Marlene and James about Quidditch strategies. Once breakfast was finished, the group split way to go to their different classes. James, Sirius, Lily, Remus, and Hermione had Transfiguration, while Mary, Marlene, and Dorcas had Care of Magical Creatures.
Hermione did not keep away from her friends that day, however, she did not exactly begin or join any conversations. She was too busy being stared at, hearing whispers about who she was and where she came from. James stuck by her side all day, in the corridors when it was busy he would drape his arm over her shoulders, causing the whispers to change from who she was to who does she think she was. The curious glances turned into hateful glares, and the whispers and questions turned into giggles and cruel jokes. While she wasn't a stranger to rumours and cruel gossip, Hermione felt self-conscious and insecure about her place with James, she was undeserving of his attention.
James was not oblivious to the change in everyone's attitude to Hermione. He knew this was a possibility but it still upset him to see her endure it. He glared at the girls when they spoke, but Hermione didn't see that. He would feel her tense and try to pull away from him, but he wasn't having that. He would either pull her to snuggle into his side more, wrapping his arm around her and giving her a tight squeeze or he would drop his arm from her and snatch her hand to hold onto tightly. It made Hermione feel safer and it made the girls turn away with a scowl most of the time.
It was at lunchtime that Peter finally rejoined them. He stormed down the Great Hall between the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff table, dropping himself beside Sirius, across from James and Hermione. He glared at the couple not breaking eye contact with James as he piled food onto his plate. When his plate was full, he looked away and began devouring his food. Hermione scowled at the piggish behaviour, she could see food on his cheeks, his chin, his lap, and flying around him. She looked away from him, however, the sounds were just as disturbing.
"Ah, Petey! You finally joined us," James said, an innocent look plastered on his face. Remus and Sirius laughed on either side of him but stopped when Peter turned his glare toward them.
"Come on, Wormy, it was all in good fun," Remus said placatingly.
"Says you, were you trapped to your bed for eleven hours?" spat Peter, "You broke rule number two, James!" he turned, pointing his finger at the wizard.
"It was an honest mistake, I told you I didn't mean it," James said, arms raised in surrender.
"Rule number two?" asked Hermione. She knew they had the Marauder Rules, but she didn't realize they were numbered.
"Rule number two: do not prank a fellow Marauder, unless unanimously agreed upon that it is deserved" explained Sirius.
"What's number one then?" asked Lily curiously.
"Never get caught," the Marauders said together.
Hermione, Lily, and the girls chuckled at the boys' antics, they really were a band of brothers. It hurt both Hermione and Lily not to tell the girls about the crack in the friendship, about Peter's betrayal, that they had to pretend Peter was still part of the Marauders, but they knew it was for the best. Hermione glanced toward the Slytherin table again, now that their target had joined them for lunch, and saw Regulus and Severus bickering, shooting glances at Peter's back.
Mary, Dorcas, and Marlene left after lunch to spend their free period in the library, leaving the Marauders, Hermione, and Lily at the table. Through lunch, the boys were telling Peter about what he missed that day in class while Lily and Hermione discussed their Transfiguration homework. They waited in the Great Hall longer than normal, as Peter had to satisfy his hunger after being trapped for twelve hours. When they stood up to leave, he noticed Regulus Black and Severus Snape gesture to meet them outside. He gave an excuse to his friends that he left one of his textbooks in the dorm and he would be right back, allowing them to walk away from him and give him the clear to talk to the Slytherins.
Peter followed the two snakes to a discreet location under the grand staircase in the entrance hall, not noticing his friends spying on him. Severus and Regulus turned towards the Gryffindor and asked them what they wanted. The two Slytherins watched Peter silently, letting his discomfort under their stare build, when Regulus was satisfied that Peter was suitably uncomfortable, he finally spoke.
"He wants to meet you tonight."
"Tonight?" Peter squeaked, his body trembling and his head shaking violently in denial, "No, I was told I would never be brought before him for a personal audience. I'm not important enough, I was told I just needed to do my part," he whimpered.
"You honestly believed that you could work for him and never have to face him?" scoffed Severus.
"The Dark Lord has decided that he wants to meet you, you should feel honoured," Regulus said hauntingly.
"I-I-I am, I am honoured. Wh-why did he d-decide I am now w-worthy to stand b-before him?"
"That is not for us to say," answered Severus. Peter looked like he was going to piss himself, if he was this afraid of being told he was to meet the Dark Lord, he was going to be a mess when he stood before him.
"Pull yourself together, you pathetic sod, be grateful for this," spat Regulus, his disgust evident. To anyone, they would think Regulus was disgusted at Peter's fear and whimpering, but Hermione knew Regulus was disgusted that Peter was giving up his friends, giving up his brother.
"Meet us at the gates at sundown. If you are late, you will learn quickly what happens when you displease the Dark Lord," hissed Severus, "and neither Regulus nor I will take the fall if you allow us to be late."
Severus and Regulus pushed past Peter who was still whimpering and left without seeing the other Gryffindors watching them. Hermione looked at her new friends and saw the open hatred on their faces after hearing Peter, with their own ears, willingly admitting to working for Voldemort. She also saw the longing looks in Lily and Sirius' eyes as they watched Severus and Regulus walk away.
A few moments after the Slytherins walked away Peter, unable to stop his trembling, ran off to hide somewhere. Hermione turned to the Gryffindors and informed them that she had a plan for communicating with Severus and Regulus and that she would make sure they could talk soon. For the rest of the day, no one could find Peter and while they knew where he was and where he was going, they were surprised he did not seek them out to give them an excuse.
-oOo-
At sundown, Hermione was sitting in Gryffindor's common room trying to read Hogwarts: A History, however, she kept reading the same sentence over and over. She was thinking about Regulus and Severus, hoping that their Occlumency was adequate to protect them. She knew the pressure on them had increased, she had done that to them, she had given them more to hide in their head, and she would only give them more. She just hoped they would be willing to work with her, willing to spy on their master and share his secrets. She also hoped that Voldemort wasn't calling a meeting earlier because of her, she really didn't want her presence to have already caused changes she could not account for.
James wanted to sit with her on the couch and comfort her, but he had unfortunately been trapped in a conversation with his Quidditch team for the last hour. They wanted to go over strategy and practice for that year, and as team captain, they wanted his opinion and ideas. Sirius and Marlene, thankfully, noticed his reluctance to continue the discussion as he glanced toward Hermione constantly. They managed to divert Bailey Smith's attention, letting him know that he could suggest ideas and plays all he wanted, however until they were on the pitch, they couldn't know which plays would be best for their team. Also, without a keeper, they couldn't decide anything until tryouts and they knew how the new teammate worked with them.
Shooting a grateful look at his friends, James jumped up and ran off to Hermione's side. He sat on the arm of her chair and leaned in, whispering a hello, exactly how he did it that morning. She had the same response and was startled out of her thoughts.
"You need to stop doing that," she chuckled, shoving him off the side. He toppled to the floor causing her to burst out laughing. James jumped up, turned to Hermione, and lifted her off her seat making her shriek in surprise, and sat in her spot. He situated her on his lap and pulled her against his chest.
"That's better," he said with a smile.
"James!" she whined with a laugh, her laugh turning to squeals when he tickled her sides.
"Hermione!" he replied in a similar tone. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, making her press against him and rest her head on his shoulder. "This is much more comfortable," he sighed contentedly, his head resting against the top of hers. Hermione said nothing, and simply nodded in agreement, "What do you think is happening tonight?"
"I don't know, but I'm worried," Hermione replied, knowing exactly what James was thinking about, "I'm worried my presence here has already caused changes."
"Whatever happens, we will all work together and get through this," James answered after some silence. He kissed her temple and together they sat in silence staring into the flames. He wanted there to be changes, obviously, he never, ever wanted to date Lily Evans and break his best mate's heart, he wanted to date Hermione, those were huge changes. However, he knew where Hermione's fear came from. If too many things changed, she might not be able to prevent the changes she wanted to.
Hours went by and they continued to sit in silence. Sirius and Remus wished them good night, heading to bed, while Lily went on patrols with the Hufflepuff prefect. Lily and James had decided as Head Girl and Boy, to split up the rounds so that each prefect had a chance to work with them once a month, allowing the prefects to witness the duties of Head Students.
"James?" Hermione whispered. The fire had died down to only embers and the common room was empty. James had dozed off with Hermione against him, her warmth and lavender fragrance giving him comfort.
"Yes, Mi?" he replied sleepily.
"I, I thought a lot about last night," she started, James instantly perked up, last night he had told her about his feelings. Told her that he liked her and wanted to try something. Was she returning his feelings? He tilted her chin so she could look at him, so he could see her beautiful brown eyes, "I like you, I really, really do." Hermione said the words he wanted to hear, but he also heard the words she wasn't saying.
"But?" James asked sadly.
"But Peter is an ever-changing variable. I don't want to endanger you all by changing Peter's plans, by dating you. What would he do?" Hermione replied quietly, the pain evident in her voice, "I know you don't date James, if you suddenly are dating me, what would happen?"
"I may not have dated before Mi, but I want you. Only you," James replied desperately. He couldn't lose her because she feared for him. He would risk everything for her.
"I know James, I want you too, but it's too dangerous. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you. To you, Sirius, Remus, or Lily. It would break me," Hermione said, fear increasing the panic in her voice.
"Mi, I never want you to be hurt," James answered, understanding her fear, "If you think now is not the time, that it's too dangerous, then I understand. However, here is my but. But I will wait for you, whether it is a month, a year, a decade, or even a millennium, I will wait. I am yours completely," he said the last sentence quietly against her ear. Words only for her, the truest words he had ever spoken.
To emphasize his words, James placed a chaste kiss against her lips. However, what he had intended to be a quick, meaningful peck on the lips, quickly became passionate and all-consuming. Hermione responded immediately, turning her body, and repositioning herself to straddle his lap. His hands moved from the arm and her shoulder to once again bury themselves in her hair. She devoured his lips, nibbled on his bottom lip, and sucked his tongue into her mouth, unwilling to hand over dominance. He groaned at the feeling of her chest pressed against his, her hips grinding against him, at her lips on his.
Hermione had lost control of herself; she hadn't had a dominant frenzy like this since the last time she was with Draco. She had been trying to tell James that they couldn't be anything, not yet, and here she was, with an insatiable need to show James how much his words affected her. She knew she had to stop, she could feel his erection growing under her, and she could feel her control waning further. If she didn't stop this, it would go too far, it would go somewhere they couldn't come back from. If it had just been a quick fuck in the dark, Hermione would have been satisfied, however, she knew James didn't want that. He wanted a relationship with her, something more than a quick shag, and she couldn't give him that right now. How could you date someone and be unwilling to share yourself completely? She refused to show him her body, she refused to share her trauma with him completely. If she couldn't do that, they couldn't build a true relationship.
However, she wasn't sure she would ever be ready to do that. Definitely not now.
Reluctantly, Hermione stopped the kiss and sat back. James, not being deterred, moved his lips to her neck and began kissing down her throat and over her collarbone. This crumbled Hermione's resolve, and it took her another few minutes and moans for her to be able to stop him. She placed her hands on the side of his face and pulled him away from her neck. He looked up at her, his lips red and swollen, his glasses askew, and his pupils dilated, he was gorgeous. Hermione wanted to kiss him again, so she did, however, she ensured this time was the peck she had originally intended.
"I'm sorry, but I can't," Hermione said quietly, climbing off him, and running to her dorm without another word. James sat still in his chair staring at where Hermione had been standing moments ago.
'What just happened?' he thought. He leaned forward, his elbows resting against his thighs and his head dropping into his hands. He had the perfect girl, he fancied the perfect witch and she told him she likes him back. He understood her reservation about starting a relationship, her fears were valid, but once he told her he would wait she had jumped him. Gave him the best kiss of his life. He had thought their first kiss was the best, but James now knew that every time would be better than the last because every time was a perfect moment.
If magical soul mates existed, he knew Hermione was his.
But she ran away. Again.
He understood, truly, but it didn't stop him from wanting her. Needing her. Wanting to say fuck the consequences, as long as they were together. Hermione was too good for that though, too kindhearted to let others suffer for her happiness.
Letting out a frustrated groan, he got up from the armchair, rearranged his throbbing member, and stormed to his dorm.
"Fuck Pettigrew! Fuckin' rat!" he yelled as he slammed his door.
If it weren't for Peter Pettigrew, he would have his witch. Peter had to be eliminated, he could no longer be a threat. He would not lose his witch; the woman he knew he was falling in love with. He saw a future with her, he could see them sitting on the couch with a small child in between them, he could see a wedding, and laughter, he saw a life. And Peter Pettigrew would not take that from him. Fuckwad Voldy would not take her. No, he would be with Hermione by graduation, he would make her Mrs. Potter shortly after. That Harry Potter with the different eyes that she saw in the mirror, would be their son, she would have her Harry back. He would protect them both, he would never allow Voldemort to take them from him, and he would not lose his wife and fail his son in this world.
Harry would grow up with his parents and his Marauder uncles, he would learn to prank and take up his place at Hogwarts as a Marauder's son, he would kiss his first girl before fifth year, and he would never, ever meet the Dursleys. Harry would be their son, James' double with his mother's eyes, Hermione's eyes. They would have a daughter too, a sweet little girl that looked like Hermione but with James' eyes. He would build the perfect family with her.
He saw it all.
He wanted all of it.
And he would not allow Peter to take it from him.
-oOo-
Severus and Regulus stood by the Hogwarts gates, hidden in the shadows, as they waited for Peter. The sun was setting fast and there was still no sign of the chubby Marauder.
"Did we or did we not warn him of the consequences of being late?" sneered Severus. Regulus chuckled at his sourpuss friend.
"We did. Not the best first impression and has sealed his fate of shitting himself. You should be enjoying that thought, Sev." Regulus saw the slight upturn of his friend's lips as he tried to hide his amusement, it was not often Severus allowed his emotions to show on his face. Regulus always loved when he managed to get a reaction from his friend.
"There he is," Severus nodded towards the shadow walking out of the castle and toward them.
"Merlin, he walks so slow," groaned Regulus. The sun was set by the time Peter reached them, they said nothing to the Gryffindor, simply turning away from him and walking towards the school gate. Peter was visibly shaking as they walked but kept silent. Once they were past the gates, they each raised their hoods and Apparated at Malfoy Manor, Regulus, and Peter both taking Severus' arm. It was a short walk to the throne room, Peter not even noticing the House Elf that directed them to the destined room.
Severus and Regulus walked ahead of Peter, their masks covering their faces, while Peter only used his hood to cover his. They knelt before the throne and the wizard sitting upon it, bowing their heads to the floor.
"My Lord, we have brought you, Pettigrew, as requested," Regulus spoke from his position.
"I would say you have done well Severus and Regulus, however, did I not explicitly state to be here by sundown?" Voldemort hissed, remaining seated on his throne.
"Apologies, my Lord. It seems some of your followers do not value your time or instructions," Severus replied, glancing back at Peter who was still standing, staring at the dark wizard with wide terrified eyes.
"Excuses," snapped Voldemort, "I will not accept such in the future. Stand with your brothers," he ordered. Severus and Regulus both stood and walked into the mass of Death Eaters, thankful that Pettigrew was his intended target tonight.
"Pettigrew, forward," the dark wizard hissed. Being addressed resulted in Peter trembling even more and whimpering to escape as he scuttled forward slightly.
"M-my Lord. It-it is an h-honour to s-stand be-before you," Peter bowed and stayed low, never looking up into the red eyes of the Dark Lord.
"To stand before me? You believe you have such a right? Kneel!" Voldemort anger released, standing as he screamed at the young wizard. Peter fell into a kneeling position, his tears finally running down his face.
"Peter Pettigrew. You are late, I requested your presence at sundown, yet you arrived at dark. Explain." sneered Voldemort, looking at Peter like he were dirt on his shoe.
"I-I apologize, I was d-detained by m-my friends," replied Peter.
"LIES! CRUCIO!" Peter began convulsing and screaming. Voldemort held the curse long enough for Peter to piss himself, "Now tell me the truth."
"I w-was, I-I am not worthy o-of your presence. I d-did not under-understand my s-summons," cried Peter from the floor.
"Stand before you master Pettigrew. You are correct, you are not worthy. But we will fix that," Voldemort stepped down from his throne and held a finger under Peter's chin forcing him to look into his red eyes. "You were given a task, a very important task that included sharing everything you learned about your friends and their families. However, I have more that is needed from you."
"M-my Lord?" asked Peter with a confused frown.
"I want you to build distrust in your friends," replied Voldemort.
Voldemort had considered his plan carefully, it had begun as collecting a Gryffindor, one that was close to Blood Traitors. When he had captured the attention of Peter Pettigrew, he was ecstatic. The whimpering fool was friends with the disowned Black, the Blood Traitor Potter, and a werewolf, all of whom were close to Dumbledore. It was perfect. He had planned to bring the boy in to initiate his plan, and have the boy become their confidant after building a rift in their group, he would be the boy that was not involved. He also knew that Dumbledore was beginning a group to fight against him, he knew the old goat would recruit strong wizards and these so-called Marauders were talented and from powerful backgrounds, he would be a fool to not include them. He knew Dumbledore would not think highly of Pettigrew, looked over him, and that was exactly why Voldemort went after him.
Now, now that plan had changed.
He had a mudblood to consider, the one who spoke like a Seer. And now he had heard about this portal of Dumbledores. He needed to know where this portal went, and what its purpose was. He needed to use this sniveling waste of a wizard to learn what he could of this girl that appeared.
"Your friends have acquainted themselves with a mudblood, tell me of her," demanded Voldemort.
Peter drew strength from no longer being the target, he wanted to know about the mudblood and Peter would happily oblige.
"She is orphaned my Lord, lost everyone to Blood Purists, and was taken in by McGonagall. Her first night in the castle she had a nightmare she would not wake from, she was screaming and sobbing," Peter said, his voice scratchy and raspy after screaming, "She hides her arms in sleeves, refuses to let anyone see them. After her nightmare, she stopped talking to everyone and it upset them all a lot, especially James."
"James Potter? He is a blood traitor, far too sympathetic of Mudbloods," quipped Voldemort. He placed his wand on his chin thoughtfully and began pacing.
"My Lord, Potter is easy to break, his parents are obtainable targets," called out a Death Eater in the crowd. Voldemort did not reply but simply shot a curse at the Death Eater who thought to speak out of turn, he dropped with a painful scream, his leg broken. The Death Eaters to his left and right quietly picked him up and removed him from the room.
"Pettigrew, your task is to learn all you can of the girl. Learn her weaknesses, watch Potter and her together," ordered Voldemort, "I want to know who these Blood Purists were and how close she is with Dumbledore."
"As you wish, my Lord," cried Peter, the pain from the curse still running through his body.
"Out. Now!" he screamed at the crying wizard. Peter scrambled up and ran from the room. Voldemort called forward Severus, Regulus, and Lucius Malfoy after Peter had left.
"Regulus and Severus, my loyal followers, you have proven yourselves to me many times but now you have a new task to further prove that loyalty. I have been informed by Rookwood that Dumbledore has created a portal, I learned this shortly after learning about the mudblood. Your orders are to determine if there is a connection between this girl and the portal," Voldemort stared down at them unblinkingly, "If I have any doubts about your loyalty or that you have not shared everything, I will personally end your lives and it will not be done quickly."
Severus and Regulus both bowed, making their promises to remain loyal and share everything they learned. They both promised themselves they would increase their Occlumency training.
"Lucius, I want you to go to the Ministry and determine if there is any further information on this mysterious mudblood. If she is attending Hogwarts, there must be records of her. Now, go forth and bring about the world we all wish to live in," Voldemort's words indicating the end of the meeting.
Regulus and Severus left the room, finding Peter standing near the door, still shaking from his encounter. The Slytherins kept a distance between them and Pettigrew, the smell of urine and feces overwhelming them, the knowledge that he had shit himself not making them laugh the way they thought it would. They also believed that the terrified boy was given mercy, one round of Crucio's was considered kindness, most experienced at least two or three, plus a cutting curse. Some wizards even bit their tongues off and had to have them magically regrown after a personal encounter with the wizard. Voldemort was more distracted by Granger's appearance than they had originally thought.
When they arrived back at the castle Peter ran away from the Slytherins as quickly as he could back to his dorm. Once he reached his room, he climbed into his bed, silencing the curtains as he cried. He hated his 'friends', he wanted to see them end and he wanted the power that they laughed at him for not having, but he did not think he would ever need to lay eyes on the Dark Lord. He knew he was in deeper than he had ever planned, he had just wanted to be someone that relayed information but now he had a special mission. Now he had to somehow figure out how to ask questions about Hermione and get answers without causing his friends' ire. They had been so angry when he asked for his own curiosity, and now he was expected to get answers for his master's curiosity.
That stupid Mudblood showed up and everything was ruined. He hated her.
If he could succeed in his mission, if he learned what he could, maybe the Dark Lord would let him have her. Let him punish her for everything she did to him. He could ask to be the one to end her. To break her.
He smiled at the thought, a cruel grin spreading on his face as he thought about how he would break her. The tears stopped and he fell asleep feeling giddy at the thought of inflicting pain on the one who caused his.
-oOo-
Regulus and Severus, however, did not go to their dorms, they instead went to their private spot in the dungeon classroom to discuss the meeting.
"He thinks she is connected to that portal Rookwood went on about. How the bloody hell are we supposed to learn anything about that?" exclaimed Severus, his normal subdued attitude gone.
"Let's look at what we know. She knows about us and what we want, she knows specifically about our regrets with Sirius and Lily. She knows about the rat and isn't doing anything about it except obtaining knowledge. Rosier said she mentioned Lucius' son and Weasley twins, and now there is a portal. What does that tell us?" Regulus said, pacing up and down the room thinking about how this all connected.
"Did you hear him whisper about her having Seer-like abilities?" said Severus.
"Do you think maybe she is?" asked Regulus, stopping where he was to turn to his friend.
"That is worrying in itself if she is a Seer and he obtains her. We have lost," answered Severus.
"If she is a Seer, what I want to know is what is this portal. What does it have to do with anything, or is it completely coincidental that she arrived and Rookwood learned about the portal at the same time?" questioned Regulus.
"I am not sure," answered Severus. Regulus could see the fear and despair on his friend's face, this was not what they imagined for themselves. Especially at sixteen and seventeen years old.
"Whatever happens Sev, we will win this and get out alive. I promise you," Regulus spoke, his hands on Severus' shoulders. They stared at each other, grey eyes into black, the determination behind his words. He was promising his best friend that they would escape their imprisonment and be free with the people they cared about.
"We will win this," agreed Severus with a nod.
They left the empty classroom, both knowing that tomorrow they would speak with Hermione Granger and begin their journey into defection. Two Slytherins, a pureblood and a halfblood, would join with the Gryffindor Blood Traitors and Mudbloods. For the good of their future, they would become defectors.
They would fight for a good future.
-oOo-
A/N: And our next chapter is done! Next chapter we are going to learn more about Hermione's past, more about her relationship with older Remus and Sirius, and about her parents, also a meet between the Marauders and Slytherins!
Please favourite, follow, and review. I am so appreciative of every single on of you!