Anguish in resonance

by The.Fictionist-2077

Have you ever wondered what the catalyst to rise of the Joker was? This is a story about how the laughing man became who he is today, and how he got there. But be warned, it doesn't have a happy ending.

17. Chapter 16

Chapter 16 – digging yourself out

The stubby state of Lucy's nails were mirrored in Arthur's nails too. A week it had been since Aashi locked herself away. She had not left that room since she got the call and whilst Arthur had no idea who had called he took a wild guess about what the call was about.

In all likelihood it was that woman, Asilia, whom he had seen as competition. There was no other explanation. Aashi had no other family (not that he would know) and the few friends she did have were more than capable of taking care of themselves. So, it had to be that woman: Asahi didn't give a damn about anyone else. As much as it wounded him to admit it he couldn't deny that Aashi had really… loved that woman. Even a blind man could see by the tender touches, the passionate embraces, the smouldering looks, and the heated kisses they shared when no one was looking (apart from Arthur, who had taken on spying on them on some rare moments like a perverted voyeur).

It had taken a great toll on the woman, he could smell the oncoming stench of death wafting from her room. For the first time from he had met Asahi, he was concerned for her which vexed him because he felt the vines of weakness taking root. He didn't want to feel so weak over someone else. The only being he was okay with feeling concern for was Lucy. But, that was not the case.

They had tried everything to make her come out, yet their efforts were all in vein. Lucy called out to her, left her food (that Arthur hustled up what Aashi had taught him) and water, and some snacks which she unnecessarily stole from school.

Arthur had taken a more bold approach; he would threaten to break down the door, called out to her and at night when Lucy fell asleep, he would whisper sweet nothings to her. He almost fessed up and told her exactly what he felt for her. Almost.

It was almost reaching a week and a half when he finally heard the lock turn in the door. He couldn't have mistaken it for anything else as a thick and oppressive silence had befallen their once warm house. At first Lucy had continued to go to school like normal but on the fourth day, she just stopped and most days stood or sat outside Asahi's door, playing, waiting.

Arthur would have done something similar, however Aashi had stuck her neck out for him for this job and he was not going to ruin this opportunity. Though in his free time he leaned against her door and spoke with her even though he was sure she couldn't hear him (probably blocked out the whole world).

He was in the middle of dishing out lunch when he heard it. His eyes shot down to Lucy who was staring back with wide, hopeful, eyes. They scampered off to her door, Arthur with tongs still in hand, but they froze when they caught sight of her. There was an abrasive CLANG when the metal tongs slipped from Arthur's fingers.

Before them stood a zombie. Her long hair was greasy and unkempt. Her eyes were covered in dark circles and looked slightly sunken. Her cheekbones which brought out her sharp feature now popped harshly and made her face look older and on the verge of turning to dust. Her lips were cracked and her powerful body had lost some muscle definition, but only slightly so. Even her clothes, a pair of black boxers and a small baby pink crop top looked wrinkled and old. It wasn't even hers, Arthur noted, they belonged to that woman. Aashi would never wear pink.

The greatest change was perhaps in her eyes. There was a darkness which he had only ever seen briefly before, yet now it looked settled like a sheet of undisturbed snow, and it looked bitterly isolated.

If there was any hesitation in Lucy, he didn't see it, for once she had caught her breath she rushed to hug Aashi's knees. Her face was completely pressed into Aashi's kneecaps and Lucy cried like she was never going to see her again. Impassively, Aashi stared down at her. Arthur swallowed thickly and stepped forward to take her hand. Aashi stared at their connected hands as if she couldn't feel it and needed to see it to be assured that the contact was there.

"Ai" his crisp voice brought her dull gaze to his own. "Let's get you cleaned up."

Again, Aashi was hit by a wave of gratefulness, thanking that he didn't ask any questions that she couldn't answer. She didn't know if she could even speak. She had spoken to Deathstorke briefly and her voice had been strong with uncontrollable rage, but now she didn't know if it would be the same. Now, she needed sustenance. Arthur gently pulled Lucy away from Aashi's knees so that she could walk. Still holding her hand, he expected her to follow him but she briskly pulled her hand away and made her own way to the bathroom.

Shortly after the shower began. Lucy, teary eyed, looked up at Arthur. "Daddy, is Mummy gonna be okay?"

Arthur sighed. "I don't know, princess." He recalled with a heavy heart that in the first few Lucy had panicked and asked if Aashi was dying. How was he to answer her?

Aashi didn't take long and though refreshed; she still looked horribly like a zombie. She joined them at the table and glanced at the spaghetti with a great look of distaste, so she turned her attention to Lucy as she poured her own food after thwarting Arthur's offer to do so. Just because she was grieving didn't mean she had become retarded.

"Have you been going to school, child?" her eyes had more life in them when she looked at Lucy.

Lucy twiddled her fingers which Aashi frowned at. Lucy stopped immediately, choosing to grasp her chair by the sides, and began to kick her feet instead. "Y- yeah."

Aashi took up her fork and stabbed a meat ball. She dropped it in Lucy's scarcely filled plate. She knew Lucy was lying. "You know I don't like liars. Have you been eating well? Your plate looks like it has never seen food before." Aashi didn't want any meat and Lucy needed more food.

Lucy flushed having been caught and decided it would be useless to lie to her mother. "Uh, I was but-" her eyes flickered between her lap and Aashi's calm eyes. "But I didn't feel like eating… when you…"

She trailed off but Aashi got her drift. Aashi tutted and Arthur was hopeful that Aashi was going back to her usual self. "You should eat, child, regardless of how you feel. That way your body will be strong and healthy. You need a strong body." Aashi dropped more of her meat balls down in Lucy's plate until Aashi only had one meat ball in her own plate and Lucy had about a dozen.

Lucy was crescent faced but the look was wiped off her face when Aashi ruffled her hair. Lucy tried to hold back a giggle, "Mummy! What are you doing?"

Aashi stopped and shoved a large amount of spaghetti in her mouth. When she swallowed (without chewing too much) she replied, "You are young, Lulu." Her light and positive tone returned, "You should be happy all the time. No worries."

Arthur chewed apprehensively on his food, "Ai, you-"

Aashi sharply looked at him, "Arthur, don't speak with your mouth full."

He felt like a child again being scolded and finished chewing before he spoke again. "Ai, you , uh, you scared us." He licked his lips.

Aashi followed his tongue until it returned back in his mouth. She decided to just come out with it then as their curiosity and fear was on full display in their eyes. She noticed her hand shaking so she calmly took a large chug of her water. She placed it down and placed her hands flat on the table.

Her tongue became thick in her mouth, choking her, so she took another gulp and before she knew it an entire five minutes had passed before she had fully schooled her emotions. She brought a fork full of food to her mouth, chewed, and then swallowed.

There was a sharp intake of breath on Aashi's part. "Asilia… is gone."

A tense atmosphere, full of crags, filled the home. This was sliced open by a grim, but raucous chuckle. Aashi's raging eyes flickered over to Arthur who held a hand to cover his mouth.

He gulped, seeing the promise of death in those eyes, and spoke gruffly. "What do you mean gone? She can't-"

"Killed, Arthur. She was killed." Her tone was clipped.

It was Lucy this time who got Aashi's full attention. "But… why would anyone want to hurt Aunty Asilia. She- she was a nice lady."

Aashi's austere eyes lowered to the table surface. "I told you before, child. In this world, people are not very accepting."

Lucy gagged unable to breathe suddenly. "What? That doesn't make any sense."

Arthur was quick to act. Lucy was going through a sort of panic attack and Aashi was still in between numbness and crippling hate to help Lucy. He took off with Lucy in his arms to her room and calmed her down within half an hour. He was used to this now. Ever since Aashi locked herself away and he was forced to sleep in the same room as Lucy, it dawned upon him that his daughter was a fitful sleeper.

She awoke in the night covered in sweat and tears. However, she never spoke of what she dreamed of almost as if she were afraid to tell him. So yes, he was in the habit of calming her down now.

How could Lucy tell him, that she dreamed of the night when her biological mother attempted to murder her?

Aashi didn't speak for the rest of the day. Lucy was all too happy to fill in for her though with her rambling. She stuck close to Aashi, literally; she would sit next to Aashi hip to hip, or sat in her lap, or on her shoulders. She was always within an arm's reach of Aashi.

That night Arthur was relieved to find out that Aahsi allowed him back in the room (once she 'tidied' it up) but an ache started in his chest when he found that Aashi didn't let him touch her.

Much to his dismay, Aashi threw herself in her work. Cyber security she called it. It was all new technology though so he didn't know too much about it. She had clients every week, sometimes they lasted an entire month. On the rare occasions that she did bring work back home though he would take a curious peek and on one such occasion he thought he saw official governmental documents. Ones he was sure the public were not privy to. It was then it hit him at how far Aashi's intelligence stretched and that Aashi could practically get into anything she wanted to. She was a complete genius and he hadn't even noticed.

Several months later, her pace changed, like she was slowly easing back into normal life but he could still see Aashi mourning her dead lover. He wanted to rid her of that. Arthur was, shamefully, still jealous of the dead woman and wanted to root himself in Aashi's life. Become the next Asilia. So, he jumped at the next opportunity.

It was in the afternoon that the opportunity presented itself. Lucy was lounging in front of the TV watching something with two white rats in it. One was short and stout, and the other large and idiotic. Arthur briefly recalled Lucy calling them 'Pinky and the Brain' but he didn't pay too much attention to it.

He was too engrossed in the new manual Jerry had given him. They had gotten on well together: even going for drinks, food and even to movies together. Finally, after months of training he fit well in and Harry had moved him into the bomb production area much to Arthur's giddiness. It was still strange to hear people call him Jack, but every time he played it well.

Aashi sauntered in and slid onto the sofa to join the two. Instantly, Lucy laid herself on Aashi's lap and began to play with Aashi's braid. Aashi stroked Lucy's head which earned her a small sigh from the girl. Aashi then looked to him. "Arthur, would you spare this modest woman a minute of your precious time?"

Arthur finished the last line and folded the book immediately. He had admitted to himself that night when he returned to her room that he was indeed obsessed with Aashi, and any attention from her was welcomed. Lucy silently tuned in to their conversation.

"I'm going to Florida for a while-"

Lucy jumped to her knees, her hands on either side of Aashi's face, "Florida! Like where Disney world is?!"

Aashi blinked, in mild shock by her daughter's behaviour, "Yes, that Florida, though I was not aware of any other-"

Interrupted again, "Oh, can we go?! Please! Mummy, please! I've always wanted to go! And it's summer! School's out and we're supposed to be having fun! You haven't had fun since… well since a long time!" What she was going to say was since Asilia died but even as a child she knew it would not be wise to say such things.

Arthur boxed Lucy's ears. "Lucy, don't interrupt your mother!" He loved his daughter but he wanted to raise her right too. He was glad though, her shyness of Aashi had dissolved over the time they had lived with her, living and acting like any child should but Lucy was becoming bold.

Lucy pouted and rubbed the side of her head. Aashi traced Lucy's nose to calm her. "I'm going to Orlando, but I'm not going to Disney world, *Bandar."

Lucy's puzzled face looked at her mother. "But, you said you were going to Florida, why else would you go there?"

Aashi weakly grinned down at Lucy, "I'm a fighter, remember?"

Lucy's face morphed into one of realisation. "Oh yeah! Are you going there to fight, Mummy?"

"Yes, but not just in Orlando. In Miami, St Lucie, and then Orlando. Do you really want to go on such a long trip?"

It was Lucy's turn to beam at her mother, revealing her shiny white teeth, "As long as I am with you and Daddy, I'm alright!"

"She's right, Tiger. You're not going by yourself." Arthur licked his scar. He didn't want to go to some crappy theme park but if it meant having more time with his girls, he didn't mind it too much. He had earned his days off from work anyway.

Aashi looked between the two of them, their Cheshire grins expanding with each second, until Aashi gave in with a resigned sigh. "Very well…"

"YAY! Here we come Disney world!" Lucy jumped as high as she could and was caught by Aashi before she could crack her head open on the coffee table.

;-;-;-;-;

It was the final weekend before they were to leave for Florida. Lucy was restless and helped her parents to pack, but that didn't entertain her long enough. Arthur had taken time off and was just as restless to leave as Lucy was. On the other hand, Aashi was as cool as could be.

Aashi muttered to herself. "Honestly, like father like daughter." She shook her head when her eyes befell on Lucy, who was impatiently kicking her feet, and Arthur was mimicking her.

"How can you not be excited, Mummy?" Lucy whined.

"I am." Aashi deadpanned.

"But you don't look like it!"

"Yeah" Arthur agreed with Lucy. "Yeah, what she said." He grinned cheekily when Aashi gave him an unimpressed look.

"I just show my excitement in a different way, Bandar."

Arthur nodded and added with a hint of sarcasm. "Yeah, look Lou, Mommy read that same book three times in one day."

Said book was thrown at his head. He groaned but did not complain. Aashi was returning to her usual behaviour. "Ha ha, now you'll never get this book back!" Arthur waved it, taunting Aashi.

"Fine, keep it! I've memorised it anyway." Aashi was clearly in a playful mood to indulge him.

Arthur pouted. "Then I don't wanit!"

Lucy giggled at her mother who was now pulling at Arthur's short hair, complaining that he was going to go bald if he kept using gel to style his hair, until Arthur pulled back and sat on the sofa, himself whining that he was bored.

"What do you suggest we do then?" Aashi walked over to the sofa.

"I know" Lucy piped up. "How 'bout we go to Amuse-men-t Mile again, Mummy?"

Aashi considered it. "But you've already been there."

"Yeah, but this time we'll go with Daddy!" Lucy nodded, already going to her room to change into her favourite blue monkey top.

The parents were about to protest to it but one look at the big smile on Lucy's face shut them up. Aashi glanced over at Arthur who was giving her a rather perverted smile, "Wipe that smirk off your face, Arthur. Before I do it for you."

"I didn't do anything, darlin'!" True, he hadn't said anything but he was thinking about what Aashi was going to wear and because of his exposure to Aashi for so long he had a new fetish. He had a leather fetish.

She gave him a sideways look. "But, you were thinking about it, weren't you? You bloody wanker" she muttered, having a faint idea of what his train of thought was.

"Honestly, woman."

Aashi grunted and started towards her room. "Come on, Bandar. What are you going to wear? And you can't go out looking like that! Lucy doesn't want a hobo for a father!"

"Hey" Arthur followed, "My clothes are beautiful." He dramatically flipped his non-existent long hair behind his shoulder.

Aashi deadpanned again. "Your popped collars make you look like a real twat."

Arthur blushed like a virgin. "I'm not the only one who thinks it's cool!"

Aashi snorted. "Cool?! My foot! There is nothing cool in looking like a kid who just haphazardly flung a random top on and forgot to straighten the collar. I'll dress you. Don't be shy."

"I'm not shy!" Arthur became more flustered. "I know how to dress properly."

Aashi raised a brow. "Show me then, what are you going to wear?"

"Alright, alright! Gimme a sec, will ya!" He hunched over as he went through his, their, wardrobe and picked out a few outfits. Aashi concentrated on her own attire to give him some space.

Aashi rubbed his sweaty palms on his thighs. "Right, so imma gonna wear these jeans…"

Aashi nodded approvingly at the distressed jeans but had to hide a frown when she saw the polo.

"… with this shirt and-"

He paused when Aashi closed her eyes. "Alright, what do you propose, Mrs Aadams?!" he may have sounded like he hated her style but he actually adored it.

Aashi smirked triumphantly. "Finally, the day has come. Dreams do come true!"

"Those jeans are fine. Here take this Nine Inch Nails top, don't worry I got it from the Men's section, it'll go." Arthur did a double-take at her when she mentioned that.

"Oh and wear those boots! Leave your hair out and, uh, wear this jacket! Perfect!"

Aashi may not have been to fuss over clothing like most women, but she still had a sense of style unlike Arthur, who seemed to be following the doomed trends of the new century.

He ended up wearing her white top with NIN written on it, which confused him to no end (because to him it was just a shirt with three letters on them), with his slub denim distressed jeans, his black ankle boots and her iron grey double rider leather jacket. He left his hair out like she asked and swept them to the side. They had grown to his ears and made a note to himself to cut it.

Whilst he had been dressing, he tilted his head towards her but only caught a nick of her hips but that was all. She wore her Aegean ripped jeans, with an umber coloured hoodie and her black leather biker jacket. She then pulled out calf high black leather boots and left her face naked. Just how he liked it. She then pulled out her spiked choker and Arthur felt himself twitch down there. Now he knew he was a masochist in bed, especially when he thought about stabbing his finger on her choker.

Just when Arthur was about to move towards Aashi, to catch her lips with his, Lucy walked in complaining. "Daddy, I can't do my laces!"

Aashi swept her hair back, re-doing her single braid, and eyed Lucy's feet. "Lucy, what did I say about giving up?"

Lucy flushed and looked at her covered toes. "To not to." She then determinedly looked at Aashi, "But they won't listen to me!"

Arthur shook his head, "Come on, Lou. Let's do ya laces!"

Arthur slowly dictated to Lucy on how to do her laces as Aashi did a quick look over of the house. Once they were out, Lucy tugged on both their hands on each side. Arthur knowingly looked toward Aashi, who nodded, and they began to swing Lucy between them.

A thought then pooped in Lucy's head. "Uh, dad, how are we gonna get there? Mummy's bike can't take us all there!"

Arthur's laughter was accompanied by a small chuckle from Aashi. "Don't worry, sweet pea, we'll just borrow a car from here."

He looked at the first car he stopped by and swung his elbow. He unlocked it and quickly hotwired it.

Lucy's brows rose to her forehead in surprise. "Wow."

Arthur's proud smirk was hard to suppress. Aashi rolled her eyes at him but did not comment on it. It took them nearly half the time to get to Amusement Mile than it did Aashi because of Arthur's erratic driving. Aashi mentally patted herself on the back for having the thought of sitting in the back with Lucy and making her wear a seatbelt. On the way though, Arthur was struck with a great amount of curiosity by the hanging pendant in the car near the rear-view mirror.

"Hey, Ai"

"Hmm" Aashi was not in the mood for conversation but she wasn't going to be rude.

"What does this mean?" He pointed to the two-edged sword silver pendant.

Aashi squinted at it, but Lucy was the first to answer. "Oh, I know what that is! One of my friends at school had one. It- it's that Sikh thing!"

"It's a Khanda pendant, like Lulu said, it's a Sikh emblem. It is supposed to be a vertical two-edged sword with its blade being surrounded by a circle and its hilt is intersected by the crossing of the hilts of two single edged swords. I don't know too much about it but I do believe it is supposed to reflect the fundamental principles of Sikhism, like Chakar, the importance of the temporal and spiritual worlds and the perfection of God. Something along those lines anyway. In the end it's all the same badger, isn't it?"

"Chakar?" Arthur's brows squinted. Aashi just shook her head, not wanting to go into detail.

"In other words Arthur, the Khanda is the Sikh equivalent of the Christian cross."

"Hm" Arthur fingered the pendant before he left it alone.

They ditched the car close by and started towards the carnival. It looked vastly different than how it did in the night. Arthur thought his shoulder would pop when Lucy yanked him towards some 'flying chairs'.

Aashi was going to sit this one out but once Lucy caught sight of her on the edge, she whimpered and made her chin tremble, so Aashi gave in and sat in front of Arthur. Aashi internally scoffed when she saw that he was as happy as the children around him.

Lucy dragged Arthur to all of the rides that she went on with Aashi last time, except the Ferris wheel as it had a massive que which no one wanted to sit through.

Finally, they went to the big tents to see the circus. Outside the tent Lucy fussed about the giant poster which screamed 'FLYING GRAYSONS' at them. Arthur had cracked a few jokes here and there as Lucy drawled on about how amazing they were. It was absolute mental in the tent: there were circus people walking about and Lucy almost fainted when she saw the younger Grayson walking about. It was all going well (Lucy wouldn't keep to her seat) until the clowns came. Aashi had sat in the middle as both had wanted to sit with her. Lucy was squeezing the life out of her left hand with the amount of energy that was in her and Arthur had his hand enveloped around her other hand.

The change was instantaneous. Aashi caught on pretty fast. The moment the clowns came into view Arthur retracted his cooling hand. Aashi's eyes quickly flew to his person. He began to hunch himself, like he was a clam closing in on itself. The joy left his eyes and became guarded. They began to flicker around the room looking for deadly phantoms that no one else could see. His hands rubbed against each other like he was itching to attack someone. His jaw worked with anger as well.

Aashi knew his psychosis had gotten fairly better since he got the job. She chalked it up to less stress. However, she knew by the way his dark eyes flew around him, searching, that his schizophrenia was still tormenting him. There was nothing she could do for it.

She did not pity him, but she felt helpless for him. Usually she could solve the problem herself, but in this case he needed medication, which he outright refused. From the little bits he did give her, he had a rubbish experience with doctors and thus he had a great anxiety and caution against them. She reckoned it was peak reason why he just refused any sort of medication. He was distrustful of the medical industry.

She didn't understand the change, not at first anyway. The clowns didn't make a dramatic entrance, in fact they just slipped in, but from Arthur's reaction one would have thought they had thrown a pie right in his face.

'He looks like a cornered dog'. Aashi thought.

It was that comparison that it dawned on Aashi that Arthur was scared of the clowns.

Aashi reached out for one of his hands. Aashi cringed for him at how badly he flinched back. When he saw her face though, the fear died down to a simmer and he felt a small amount of ease come over him, like he wasn't about to be eaten alive by those clowns. Aashi would protect him.

Her hand went up to his face and she soothing stroked his cheek. Arthur opened and closed his mouth like he was struggling to say the words. However, in the end he didn't need to say anything. Their eyes did the talking for them. Wordlessly, Aashi stood up, prompting groans and shouts of hate from the back.

Aashi didn't care.

"Ai, it's alright" Arthur half-heartedly pleaded.

She looked him straight in the eyes and said. "No, no it is not."

Lucy opened her mouth to argue but one look from Aashi was enough to close her mouth. They made their way out and instantly Lucy said, "Mummy. Is everything ok?"

Arthur ducked his head, embarrassment taking dominance but it quickly wilted when Aashi answered. "Mummy didn't want to stay there anymore."

"Oh" Lucy looked at the road ahead, blinking, and then paused and asked. "Is daddy ok?"

Lucy leaned forward to get a look at his face but he quickly pulled on a fake smile. Small as it was it still satisfied Lucy.

Arthur turned his attention to the woman next to him and squeezed Aashi's hand in appreciation. Aashi looked at him a false blandness and grunted when he lurched forward and gave her a quick kiss on the nose. She gave him a strange look but said nothing of it.

The rest of the day had passed at a snail's pace and uneventfully. Arthur was uncharacteristically quiet for the remainder of the day which put Aashi in an uncomfortable mood. Seeing as it was summer, the parents let Lucy stay up late but Arthur retired quite early himself. It wasn't long until Aashi followed him.

"Be in bed by ten, Bandar!"

"Kay!" Lucy's bubbly voice rung in Arthur's ears but he didn't mind.

He was laying on his back on the bed with his left forearm over his eyes. His naked chest rose and fell with each sigh.

Aashi didn't speak as she got ready for bed. Stripping herself of her clothes she pulled on a large tank top with large arm holes and a pair of shorts then joined him. She glanced down to his shorts covered crotch and was relieved to find he hadn't decided to go commando despite the heat. Had he done that Aashi didn't know if she would have been comfortable to be in the same room as him… not after Asilia….

Aashi was just beginning to slip away when a sleepy voice pulled her back. "I don't like them."

Aashi rolled her head towards him. She still hadn't spoken a word. She just observed his profile in the dim light that filtered from below the closed door.

"Ever since I was a kid, I've just had a… perversion to them."

It clicked in her head: the clowns.

"Maybe since I saw Pennywise when I was eleven, or maybe even before that, I dunno."

Aashi patiently listened and watched him even when he rolled to his side and looked at her incuriously. "You're not gonna ask?"

Aashi stated as if in an obvious tone, "What you've told me is more than enough. If you feel compelled to tell me more, I will listen but I won't pry. You don't have to tell me anything you're uncomfortable with."

Arthur stared at her momentarily. He looked like he was hesitating but then laid back onto his original position. Aashi decided that was all he was about to say but she thought wrong. Arthur's hand fastened onto hers which woke her in a jolt but she didn't pull back.

Arthur pulled her hand up to his lips and kissed her knuckles. It was the first intimate contact he had with her since the death of Asilia.

Asilia. Her name trespassed through his mind like a little vermin.

Arthur grimaced as he thought of his next words. "If… if you ever need to talk-"

He almost stammered when Aashi abruptly pulled her hand back from his chest. A figurative coldness began to radiate from her side of the bed.

"You know you can always come to me." He finished.

He thought she would be angry with him, scream at him, throw things at him, assault him and then leave. However, she did none of those things and in lieu she rumbled out her answer, unlovingly. "I don't do that."

She didn't do that. She didn't talk about her feelings, or other sentimental shit. It wasn't because of Arthur: it was just the way she raised herself. She never even 'talked' to Asilia. In fact, she had only ever done that sentimental shit with Lucy but even then it was rare.

"Why?" he wanted to give her the same courtesy she gave him, but he wanted to know if it was because of him.

He thought she would never answer, especially after that long silence that filled the void between them. "I just don't. It doesn't help. In most cases, the person you're talking to are either not listening or can't do shit to help, so what's the point?"

Arthur snorted. Sometimes Aashi could sound so eloquent and other times she could be such a sailor. "'cause it gets it off your chest."

Aashi was silent, and the tension was choking him, so he turned to his side to stare at her rather than the ceiling. She was glaring at the ceiling, lost in the deep crevices of her mind, so much so that she didn't even realise how close Arthur was until his nose poked her cheek.

She blinked and the creases on her face disappeared as she relaxed. She shuffled sideways to get away from Arthur but he followed. His eyes nearly glowed with mirth, "A pretty woman like you shouldn't be frowning like that."

His finger traced her cheekbone and then her jaw. Aashi raised an arrogant brow at him, "Should anyone be frowning, regardless of beauty? Besides I'm not a pretty woman."

Arthur nearly growled. He didn't think Aashi would be the kind of woman who couldn't see her own beauty and opened his mouth to argue but Aashi spoke quickly.

"I'm a fucking beautiful person, aesthetically, anyway. Character wise I am as black as Kali Mata."

Arthur titled his head curiously. "Who's Cahli Mate?"

Aashi laughed and shook her head. "Kali Mata. She is a Hindu Goddess who is said to be worshipped by quote unquote magicians, because she is thought to be the eternal energy of the universe and can grant their wishes. Though most of the people I have encountered believe she was a powerful dark witch." She paused. "I don't think that Hindu's believe that though. From what I remember, Hindu's have a much more altruistic view of Kali."

"I still don't…" Arthur shook his head.

Aashi just grumbled under her breath. "I'll tell you another day, Arthur. For now just let me sleep. I thought you said you were tired."

"I am" a sly look filled his face. "But, I need a good night kiss first." He pointed to his cheek with a grin which prompted a near eye roll from Aashi but she refrained.

She raised her head to kiss his cheek but he turned his face and captured her lips. His hand tangled in her hair and pulled her more to him. She responded, albeit hesitantly. He pushed off from his position and was over her. His other hand went to her waist and held her tight to his own body. He groaned and shifted against her so that his hips were between her legs.

It was getting heated between them and Aashi did not want that for every time she thought of herself in an intimate situation she pictured Asilia right next to her. That was too painful, too painful to live through over and over again.

A brief flash of Asilia laughing wholehearted filled Aashi's buzzing mind and caused her to push against Arthur. She hadn't intended to use too much force but he still ended on his back. Her mood blackened and Arthur was wise enough not to utter a word. At least not straight after she practically threw him off her.

He waited for her to catch her breath and he rasped out in a hurt tone, "Why don't you want me?"

Aashi didn't answer because she didn't have an answer to him.

"Ai, you're killin' me here."

Aashi sat up and pinned him with an enraged glare. "Because I just lost my wife! Ok! My fucking wife!" she rose to her haunches. "They took my wife, my soul mate, away from me! I didn't even get to see her one last time before those bunch of bigoted, narrow-minded fuckers stole her from me!" She was now standing on top of the bed with him at her feet, at her mercy.

However, she took one look at his aghast face and the anger within her was doused down, but it did not frizzle out completely. It was still there but waiting. Her wide eyes softened but her face remained stone hard. "Being with you, like this, so soon after is a betrayal which I do not ever want to commit."

His heart hammered in his chest at the sight of a feral looking woman ready to pounce on him. Yet, his heart was conflicted. It didn't know if it should continue to pump blood throughout his body or just give up with the swell of disbelief and pain he was being filled with.

Before it had been Harley who had been in the way. Now, it was his dead competition. Would he never get with Aashi? He wanted that intimacy, physically and emotionally, but with the way she was shutting him out he didn't know if that would come true. He had been alone too long. Would she leave him if he kept pushing her limits?

Suddenly, those clowns were nothing. Those clowns were nothing in comparison to the fear that his final thought brought him.

He scrambled onto his knees and hugged her hips, "Ai, don't go." The desperation was real. "Don't leave me." He buried his face in her hard stomach and shook his head as the maleficent voices became louder. "Please!"

Aashi shifted uncomfortably, his grip was too hard. "I'm not going anywhere." Where would she go anyway?

His grip intensified as did his anxiety but after a few moments a warm feeling washed over his head and lulled him back into a calm he only knew as a young boy. The unhurried strokes which sent waves of tranquillity down him did not hesitate even in the silence that settled around them. He eased away from her but did not pull away completely. He pulled her to him and murmured more to himself than her. "You're not goin' anywhere. You're not goin' anywhere…"

;-;-;-;-;

He didn't know her. Arthur was hit by this daunting realisation just as he was changing the baseline for one of their cosmetics the next morning. Obviously, he knew Aashi otherwise he wouldn't trust Lucy with her, however he didn't know her like how he knew Harley or Bob. He didn't know if she finished school, whether she had family or even when her birthday was but he knew the small things like her pet peeves, her tastes and her daily routine but anyone with half a brain could figure that out.

Initially, he didn't care about her past but now he wanted to know everything there was to her. There were some questions he found the answer to himself by picking up on small truths she seasoned into her words, intentionally or not. Where was she born? He didn't know for sure, but he had a vague idea she may have been born in the shanty towns of Northern India. Was she born in a loving family? No, otherwise she wouldn't be as callous as she is. Was she ever married? Never, she is too free spirited. What were her aspirations-

"Arthur?" Jerry's alarmed voice broke his train of thought.

Jerry jumped as Arthur jerked his head up in alert. His feet shuffled and he searched, almost in a panic, when he saw that the chemical was about to spill out of the paper thin glass tube. Jerry snatched the tubes out of his hand and chucked them in a nearby sink and gawked with a wry face when the chemicals began to eat away at the ceramic sink.

"Jack, what's up with you lately?" Jerry asked, concerned.

Arthur shook his head. "Nothing, I just…" he trailed off and sighed heavily.

"Is it your wife?" Jerry patted him on the shoulder and let his hand rest there.

Arthur nearly choked on his own spit and glared at Jerry. Arthur asked himself, 'What wife?' Arthur never mentioned any wife and he didn't even wear a ring.

Jerry continued as if he didn't see how Arthur began to erect walls mentally. "You're always talking about her, always good things, but lately you've been stressed and you keep talking to yourself about a woman. And you only know one woman who you actually care about – Your wife."

Ah, Jerry thought Aashi was his wife. He quite liked the sound of that so he didn't correct him. Instead, "Yeah. She, uh, she just lost a good friend and I dunno…" he couldn't finish the sentence but Jerry was a good mate. He caught on.

"You don't know how to comfort her."

Arthur bit his cheeks from inside his mouth. "Yeah."

Jerry led him away to the break area. Hand still on shoulder. "You should try to remind of happier times. And always tell her that you'll be there for her. That you're not goin' anywhere. Women find comfort in that."

"My wife isn't like other women." Arthur almost sounded proud.

"She's still human, ain't she? Everyone likes the comfort of company."

To be continued…

*Bandar – an endearment meaning monkey