Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading and reviewing! I hope you enjoy the new chapter! There's going to be one more after this :)
There and Back Again
Pony jerked awake, gasping for air as he stared up at…
The sky.
Not his bedroom ceiling. The sky.
Immediately he was going through the differences. He was cold. Really cold. And the sky was dark, the stars pinpoints of faraway light. Sodapop wasn't beside him…he wasn't in his bed. He was on the ground. He didn't feel sick. His head didn't hurt and he didn't feel exhausted like he had for as long as he could remember now. And each difference made a slow, desperate smile take over his whole face.
It was different…it was another day!
He sat up, looking around the lot by their house like it could all disappear, his breaths coming too fast, heart racing. He'd done it. No…not just him. Him and Darry. Darry had done it! He'd gotten him out!
"Pony?" a familiar voice asked, and he watched Johnny sit up, rubbing his eyes and looking around the lot like he was confused. "We fell asleep…"
"Johnny?" He reached out and grabbed his friend's arm, making him jump a little. But that didn't matter…it was Johnny! It was…the night they'd fallen asleep in the lot? He looked around, heart pounding as he took in the familiar walls and the old half-deflated football abandoned in the corner. "What day is it?" he demanded, grinning like an idiot, and Johnny gave him a weird look. But that didn't matter because he wasn't hurt! He wasn't in the hospital and he hadn't busted his back and he wasn't dying!
"Saturday? Might be Sunday now…you gotta get home, Pony. Darry and Soda are probably worried sick."
Darry and Soda were worried sick. Because he was in the lot. He'd fallen asleep in the lot.
He wasn't in bed. Johnny wasn't in the hospital. Johnny wasn't going to die
Before he even knew what he was doing, Pony threw his arms around his friend, choking out a laugh that felt more like a sob, and slowly, Johnny patted him on the back as tears he couldn't stop soaked into his friend's shirt. "Man…what's wrong?" He hesitated, then spoke a little more softly. "You have a nightmare or something?"
"Yeah," he whispered, not sure how else to explain it as he held his friend so tightly he worried he was hurting him, but he couldn't let go. He was okay. He was safe. He wasn't going to die!
Johnny kept patting him on the back until Pony managed to pull himself together, giving him kind of a worried look when he finally pulled away. There was no way to explain…nothing he could say that wouldn't lead to Johnny thinking he'd lost it, so he just wiped his face and grinned at his friend, not able to stop.
"You okay?" he asked, and Johnny nodded slowly.
"Yeah, Pone. I'm fine." The 'you're obviously not' went unspoken, but Ponyboy didn't care. He'd done it. Him and Darry.
Darry…
"I have to go…" Pony jumped to his feet, practically vibrating as he looked around. He was still in the lot! He wasn't in his room and Johnny wasn't in the hospital and if he was careful, that would never have to happen! He wanted to grab Johnny again and keep hugging him and ask again if he was okay and beg him to come to the house and sleep there instead…but this might be real.
It might actually be real!
"Johnny…are you sure you're okay?" he asked lamely, wishing he could come up with a better way to ask and failing. His friend just stared up at him for a second, and Pony wondered if he'd had nightmares too…if he'd dreamed about dying in a hospital bed over and over while Ponyboy tried to change it.
He hoped not.
Johnny just nodded, though. "Yeah, man…I'm fine. Are you okay?"
"Yeah…yeah, I'm…you ought to come to the house and sleep there, you know? It's cold."
"I'm good, Pony…I'll sleep here tonight. Go on home."
Pony hesitated. He wanted to help…wanted to make things better for his best friend now that he was apparently going to survive. He wanted to storm into his parents' house and tell them how horrible they were…to force them to be better, or to at least ignore Johnny more often so he could sleep in his own home. He wanted to drag Johnny to his house and put him on the sofa. Darry wouldn't mind!
But what if this was just a fluke? What if he went home and went to bed and woke up on that same morning?
The longer he stood around, the longer his brothers were going to worry though, so he made himself nod. "If you get too cold, come sleep at the house," he ordered, and Johnny grinned a little in the dark, nodding and dropping back onto the ground and covering up with some newspaper. Figuring he'd done all he could, Pony turned around and took off, sprinting towards his house. Darry was going to be mad…he wouldn't remember their talk. And Soda wouldn't remember the day Pony had told him the truth either. But that was okay because Ponyboy remembered. He remembered that Sodapop would believe him, even if what he was saying sounded crazy, and he remembered that Darry loved him more than anything…that he didn't want to get rid of him. That he'd never regretted getting custody of him and Soda.
He'd never regretted it. Not once.
And when Pony had needed him to, Darry had believed him too.
This had to be real. Pony needed it to be real more than anything in his whole life.
He threw their front gate open, practically jumping up the porch stairs, and hurried into the house, not even hesitating as he stepped into their living room where Darry sat in the recliner and Soda slept on the couch. Darry's head snapped up, the paper he'd been holding dropping onto his lap, and Pony had to work real hard not to start laughing. That sure wouldn't help anything. But even if Darry hit him again, he wasn't going anywhere. Wild horses couldn't drag him out of that house before he knew if this was real.
"Where the hell have you been?" Darry demanded as he jumped to his feet, but Pony had seen the flash of relief before the anger had taken over and he wanted to grab Darry and apologize and hug him and thank him for believing him and for saving him. He wanted to tell him he didn't deserve any of this but that he was the best person Pony knew and that he loved him and that he'd be better! But none of that would make any sense and if Darry had him committed now, it might just stick.
Darry's booming voice jerked Sodapop out of sleep just like before, and their brother sat up, moving his hat up off his face, looking around the room before spotting Ponyboy and smiling tiredly. "Hey kiddo…where you been?"
"I'm sorry," he told Darry, trying to head him off…trying even harder not to break into hysterical laughter. Laughing was just going to make Darry madder and there was no way he could explain it but he couldn't believe his luck! He would never run out of the house and him and Johnny wouldn't run into those socs…Johnny wasn't going to die! "I was out with Johnny and we sat down in the lot and fell asleep."
"You what?" Darry demanded, and Pony had to physically force his feet to stay where they were lest he throw his arms around his brother and try to prove to himself that this was all real…that he was finally free.
"I know…it was stupid. I'm sorry, Darry. I swear, I didn't mean to."
Darry just stared at him, incredulous and still angry. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"
He did…but he shook his head anyway, clenching his jaw to keep himself from grinning.
"Well it's two in the morning, kiddo! And I couldn't even call the cops because they'd have you locked up in a boys home so fast it would make your head spin!"
"I know…I know, Darry. I'm sorry." His brother's jaw was clenched so tight it looked like he might break some teeth. "I didn't mean to worry you. I'm sorry."
"You didn't mean to? Pony, that's all I ever hear from you!"
"Come on, Darry. He said he's sorry," Sodapop spoke up then, climbing to his feet and trying to make peace, hands up like Darry's had been when he'd found him in the living room. The thought made him shudder. "Why don't we talk about it tomorrow?"
"Enough!" Darry spun on him, pointing a finger in his face. "I am sick and tired of you sticking up for him!"
Pony bit his tongue just in case the words wanted to escape. Then again, maybe if Darry hit him, he'd know for sure if this was real. Either way, he wasn't leaving.
"He stays out until two in the goddamn morning and you think sorry ought to fix it?" he went on, and Pony pressed his lips together, not about to interfere in their fight. He didn't want to do nothing to jeopardize this. No way in hell. The two of them could rumble in the living room and he wasn't going to say a word.
"No," Soda ground out. "I'm not saying it's alright. I'm saying we ought to go to bed and talk about it tomorrow. Jesus, Darry, you think screaming at him is going to fix anything?"
Darry went quiet, eyes narrow and icy cold, but he let Soda pass to throw an arm around Pony. "Come on. Let's go to bed," he ordered, tugging Pony along, and he wanted to apologize one more time…to tell Darry he was sorry and ask if this was real…but he didn't think it would help, so he let Soda lead him into their room.
Once their bedroom door was shut, Soda put his hands on his shoulders, his face as serious as Pony had ever seen it, but Pony was just so happy to see him it was almost impossible to keep from smiling. "Don't think I ain't upset with you too, you hear? You scared us to death, Pony."
"I know. I'm sorry. I swear…I'm so sorry, Soda."
"You can't do stuff like that. I know you didn't mean to, but you can't stay out all night without letting us know where you are. We were scared something might have happened to you. Dammit, Pony, what the hell would we do if something happened to you?"
Pony remembered Darry cradling him on the asphalt, blood dripping from his lips. He remembered Soda sobbing and begging him to stay awake. He remembered Darry, hands up, begging him to put the gun down and how he'd screamed when Pony hadn't.
He remembered how they'd both believed him about something impossible.
"I know," he whispered instead of answering. "I know…I screwed up. I'm sorry. It won't happen again. I swear, Soda."
Sodapop nodded, squeezing his shoulders and pulling him into a hug, patting him firmly on the back, and Pony had to fight not to cling to him for too long. "It better not. If it does, I'll let Darry keep yelling. Hell, I might do some yelling myself."
"Can't let that happen. Wouldn't want you to strain yourself."
Soda snorted, knocking him upside the head. Then Darry's bedroom door slammed and they both flinched. "Come on. Let's go to bed. I'll try to get Darry to ease up when he's calmed down some, alright?"
"Don't worry about it," Pony assured him. He didn't want Soda stuck in the middle of their fight…it wasn't fair. He could handle Darry being mad now that he knew his brother didn't hate him.
The two of them changed into sweatpants and climbed into bed, and Soda pulled the blankets over the both of them, squeezing Pony in a tight hug. He closed his eyes, but his heart was still beating too fast, mind racing. What if it wasn't real? What if he woke up and it was that same morning and nothing had really changed? What if he just had to do it all over again? The fear hit him hard then, and he rolled over, hiding his face against Soda's shoulder like he could protect him.
"What's wrong?" Sodapop asked quietly, and Ponyboy realized he was crying, silent tears running down his cheeks…Soda must have felt it through his shirt. He just shook his head. There was no way to explain that he was terrified that he was going to wake up a week into a future that wasn't going to happen where Johnny was dying and there was nothing he could do to save him.
Soda rubbed circles over the back of his shirt. "Pony? Hey…don't cry, kiddo. It's alright."
Pony didn't know if it was, though! And all he could do was wait until the next morning to find out!
"He's was awful scared…but it'll be okay. He'll be mad for a little while, but it won't last too long. I'll talk to him, okay?"
It took Ponyboy a second to figure out what he was talking about, but there was no way to explain himself without sounding absolutely insane, so he just nodded. He had known that Darry would be upset, but this time he would just keep apologizing and keep his head down until it blew over…that wouldn't be a problem. No, he was worried about getting that chance in the first place. It seemed like he'd escaped…but what if he woke up the next morning and it was that same day? Would his brothers believe him again? Even if he didn't have any proof?
It took a long time for Ponyboy to sleep, mostly because he was scared to find out when and where he was going to wake up. But Soda kept holding him close and rubbing those circles on his back, and after a while he couldn't help but relax, his eyes growing heavier and heavier until he couldn't keep them open, and he finally fell asleep with his head pressed to Soda's shoulder.
Every time he'd repeated the day, he'd woken the same way…in his bed, with no memory of any kind of dreams. But this time he dreamed…he dreamed about Johnny, gasping out his last breath, and Dallas dying in the street. He dreamed about his brothers holding him as he died in the street and holding a loaded gun to his own temple. When he finally jerked awake, sitting straight up and looking around his bedroom only to find the bed beside him empty, he had no idea what day it was…only that the house was quiet, the only sound the TV playing softly in the living room.
Had it really worked? Was it the day after he'd been in the lot with Johnny? Or was it that same morning? Sodapop wasn't with him but maybe he'd gotten up early because of a nightmare? Did he have to do it all again? Would either of his brothers believe him? How long could he keep doing this?
His bedroom door swung open before he could get out of bed, Darry appearing in the doorway, and Pony wanted to run to him…to have his brother throw his arms around him to make him feel safe again. "You gonna sleep all day?" he demanded, not sounding too happy, but Pony just stared at him, heart pounding. Had it actually worked? Did he even dare hope?
"What day is it?" he asked, desperation and terror leaking into his voice, and his brother seemed to get a good look at him, his face softening some as he stepped into the room.
"It's Sunday."
Ponyboy looked around the room once more, not daring to believe it, barely noticing when Darry came closer. Wiping absently at his eyes which he belatedly realized were wet, he finally looked up at his brother when he stood by the bed, brows furrowed in concern.
"Ponyboy?"
"It's Sunday?" he confirmed.
"Yeah. Past noon. You need to get up…come eat lunch."
"What happened yesterday?"
His brother stared at him for a long time, eyes narrowing. "You went to the movies with Johnny and Dal…you got back late."
"Where's Johnny?"
Darry blinked at him. "At home, probably. Or out with Dally somewhere."
"Is he alright?"
"I guess so…you have one of those nightmares?"
Ponyboy shuddered. A nightmare…yeah…yeah, it sure had been. The longest, most horrible nightmare he'd ever had. He nodded, jaw tight as he tried to keep from bawling again. This was real…right? He'd gotten out. Darry had gotten him out!
"You remember anything?"
He nodded again. He remembered. He remembered every second of it. He didn't think he'd ever be able to forget.
Darry sat beside him on the bed then, their shoulders almost touching but not quite. "You do?"
"Yeah."
He hesitated for a second. "What was it about?"
"Johnny and Dally. They died. Over and over. And I couldn't stop it. No matter what I did, I couldn't stop it." His voice shook as he looked up at his brother, remembering that last day he'd spent with him. Even if Darry was mad at him, he'd still help. Darry had been the one to get him out! Right? "What if it was real? What…what if it happens again?"
"It was just a dream. Johnny and Dal are fine. It wasn't real, Pone." As he said the words, he seemed to hesitate, and he wondered if his brother remembered somehow. Had those days bled into his dreams too? Did some part of him remember?
"What if it was? What if this isn't real? Darry…how do I know if this is real?"
Real fear shone in Darry's eyes as he gripped Pony's hand. "This is real, Pony. Hey…" he brought his other hand up, cupping the back of his neck like their dad used to, and the pressure felt real but so had all those other days! How did he know this wasn't just some new part of it? "You're awake, okay? You just had a nightmare but you're awake now. It's over." He squeezed the back of his neck, the feeling grounding him a little. "Are you feeling alright?"
Pony dropped his head against Darry's shoulder, and his brother stiffened a little before moving his hand to the back of his head. How long had it been for Darry since Ponyboy had wanted any kind of comfort from him? To him, they'd just had a horrible fight. Hell, he was probably still mad. But Pony didn't care because he thought Darry just might have gotten him out! Darry loved him more than anything and he'd begged him to put the gun down and he'd said that losing Ponyboy would be even worse than losing their parents.
"Ponyboy?"
"Yeah," he whispered, nodding and wiping at his face. "I'm alright."
Slowly, his brother nodded, giving him a firm pat on the back. "Come on and eat," he ordered softly. "Soda's waiting."
Pony went to the bathroom first, washing his face with cold water and staring at himself in the mirror. His hair was back to normal. He felt better too…not sick like he'd been for so long. If he wasn't so scared that all of this would be taken away from him the moment he went to sleep again, he would have been happy, even if Darry was probably still mad at him.
Soda's eyes were on him the second he stepped into the kitchen, and Pony could see the concern all over his face, but he just put a plate of chicken on the table and patted him on the shoulder. "Hey, Pone. Thought you were gonna sleep all day," he told him with a weak smile, sitting down across from him. They usually ate their meals at the table together when they were all home. Their parents had always insisted, and Pony was glad they were doing it now. It felt normal…maybe this was all real? Maybe whoever had been doing this to him had let him go? Maybe he'd finally managed to do what they'd wanted, with the help of Darry, and he'd learned whatever lesson he was supposed to learn and now he was free…and everything could be normal again.
Maybe he never had to run away or hide out in that church or watch his best friend die.
"You're grounded," Darry told him, waiting to break the silence until he'd taken a couple of bites of his food. "School, home. That's it."
Ponyboy nodded. A small price to pay, he thought, trying not to let that incredulous laughter escape.
"I mean it. No movies. No library. No bumming around town with Two-Bit. Nothing."
"Okay," he muttered, staring at his plate. He knew he should be hungrier but his heart was still beating too fast and he couldn't help being on edge as he waited to wake up on that same morning he'd been living over and over, which kind of killed his appetite.
"A month."
"Darry…" Soda cut in, sounding incredulous, but Darry shook his head.
"A month. You're lucky it's not longer."
"Come on Darry. You can't…"
"Okay," Pony cut in, nodding as he forced himself to cut off a piece of chicken. It didn't matter….as long as he woke up the next day and time was working the way it was supposed to, he was fine with it. Hell, as long as every day was different, Darry could ground him for six months and he'd be fine with it.
Both of his brothers went quiet for a moment, the silence heavy. "Pony?" Soda asked, voice soft. "You feeling okay?" He didn't say it like he usually would if Pony wasn't reacting to being grounded…he wasn't joking around. He was worried. Hadn't he had to worry enough? No…no because none of that had been real. But he couldn't help being afraid that this wasn't real either.
Ponyboy made himself look up and tried to smile. "Yeah. Just tired." He wasn't really…for the first time in so long, he actually felt fine…apart from being so tense waiting to see if any of this was real that he couldn't hardly swallow his food.
"How could you be tired? You sure slept long enough," Soda asked, voice forcibly light.
"You getting sick?" Darry demanded. Pony didn't really know, to be honest. He hadn't gotten sick when him and Johnny had gone to that church, so he probably wasn't sick now, but he didn't know how things had changed, so he wasn't sure. He felt alright…just scared, and there was no way to explain that.
"I don't think so." His mind wasn't really on their conversation…instead, he was wondering if Johnny and Dally somehow remembered something and if they'd come by at any point that day. So he jumped when a warm hand pressed to his forehead, looking up to find Darry reaching over the table.
"You don't feel hot."
"I'm not sick," Pony assured him, pretty sure that was true, and Darry nodded a little to himself, going back to his lunch. Soda did the same, and Ponyboy made himself finish the food on his plate before taking it to the sink and getting started on the dishes. He wondered if apologizing to Darry again would help, but his brother didn't seem all that mad at the moment. Both his brothers were real quiet, and he knew they were worried about him, but there was nothing he could say. Maybe things were normal again…it felt strange after living the same day so often to not know what was going to happen next. He'd never lived this day before…it felt like he didn't know what to do. Like he was on stage but there were no lines anymore…he just had to figure it all out on his own.
Steve showed up before he'd even finished the dishes, greeting his brothers in the living room, and he heard Soda tell Darry they were going to lunch with Evie and Sandy, and then to a drag race, so they'd probably be out kind of late. His eyes went wide as he stared down at the dishes, remembering what had happened with Sandy, and he wondered if she was going to talk to him tonight…if he could warn Soda or…
No. No way. He was done messing with timelines. He'd had enough of that for a lifetime. So he just finished up the dishes, glancing back when Steve came up behind him and opened their fridge.
"Hey," he murmured absentmindedly, drying the last plate.
"Hey yourself, kid. What the hell were you thinking, falling asleep out in the lot like that? You scared your brothers to death, you know that? Almost had me out at two in the morning looking for you."
Pony couldn't even be mad...honestly he'd kind of forgotten that he sometimes hated Steve Randal. Steve had called him a hero…he'd told him that Johnny getting hurt wasn't his fault, and he'd sat in that hospital room with them, talking to Johnny all the way up to the end. And when Ponyboy had been dying, he'd cried, looking so lost and afraid that Pony could hardly stand to think about it. So he just gave him a rueful smile, kind of touched that Steve had been willing to go looking for him. "Sorry. I didn't mean to. Darry grounded me for a month," he told him, figuring that might make him feel better.
He whistled softly under his breath. "Damn." He threw back the Pepsi he'd snagged from the fridge and drained half of it. "Maybe next time you'll think twice before you do something that stupid."
He had to laugh a little and Steve gave him a weird look before heading back to the living room, passing Soda on his way. "You about ready?" he asked, and Soda told him something Pony couldn't make out before coming to lean against the cabinets beside Ponyboy as he wiped down the counters on autopilot. He had a feeling he'd be doing plenty of cleaning over the next month but he didn't really mind…cleaning wasn't nearly as bad as all the other shit he'd been through.
"Steve and I are taking the girls out…you gonna be okay here?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine. See you later." He doubted Soda had gotten to do much fun stuff while he'd been gone for a week…probably hadn't wanted to. Even if that wouldn't happen now, he still felt bad about it. But he hated that Sandy was going to break up with him. Still, he couldn't say anything, so he'd just try and make him feel better when it happened.
"You sure?" Soda asked, voice soft and probing.
He didn't really know what Soda meant until he remembered that up until the day before (at least, to him) Pony had done just about everything he could to avoid being alone in the house with Darry. He felt a twinge of regret then, and he smiled a little sadly at the countertop he was cleaning. "I'm sure. Go on. Have fun."
Soda ruffled his hair, making him laugh as he pushed him off. "Alright kiddo. Be good, okay?"
Ponyboy didn't bother telling him that he didn't really have a choice since he was stuck inside for the foreseeable future. And as long as the future kept happening like it was supposed to, he was absolutely fine with that.
He went to his room after he cleaned the kitchen and got started on throwing his laundry into the hamper and making his bed before Darry could order him to. While he was at it, he straightened up his room, marveling at the change that still sat on his desk and all the papers shoved into his Algebra book…all of it exactly the same as it had been every day he'd repeated. He guessed his brothers hadn't been in the mood to clean much while he'd been gone, and they never went through his stuff anyway, but he still stared down at the coins that sat in the same spot he'd grabbed them from so many times before sitting on his bed.
It didn't feel real. It didn't seem possible that he'd somehow gotten out…he didn't even know for sure how he'd done it! Was it because he'd talked to Darry? Or because they'd all been with Johnny when he'd died? Both of those things felt important. Johnny deserved to be surrounded by people that cared about him…to be free of his terrible family. Now maybe he could be. And Darry…Darry had given up his future for Pony and Soda but he'd done it because he'd wanted to…because he loved them. Darry wasn't good at talking about his feelings or nothing like that. Not like Sodapop. But he'd been so scared and he'd believed Ponyboy even when what he'd been saying had sounded so insane and he'd been the one to bring everyone together in the end, even Dally.
"Pony?"
Ponyboy jumped a little, spinning around to find Darry leaning his doorway just like he had when he'd come to get Pony for lunch, and once more he looked concerned. "Yeah?"
Darry glanced around his room, taking in the lack of laundry on the floor and the fact that his bed was made, then looked at Pony's messy desk as if trying to find what he'd been staring so hard at. When he didn't seem to find anything, his eyes landed back on Pony. He looked like he wanted to say something…like he had a question he wanted to ask, only he didn't know how to ask it. The air between them was still kind of heavy, so before Darry could order him to keep cleaning, Pony decided to risk an apology. It was harder now…it mattered. It was real. He had to keep telling himself that all of this was real now and what he did had consequences that would last longer than just a few hours. But he still wanted to say it.
"I'm sorry, Darry. Really. About last night. I know I scared you. I'll be more careful, I swear." It was hard to meet his brother's eyes while he apologized, but he managed, and Darry's jaw tensed for a second.
When he finally spoke, his voice was wound tight, and he almost looked angry, but Pony knew he wasn't…not really. "I thought something had happened to you, you know that?"
Had Darry dreamed about holding Pony as he died? Had he dreamed about the gunshot in their living room? Did he remember things that weren't real? All Pony had wanted was for things to be normal again but did he even know how to do that anymore?
"I thought…I thought a cop was gonna show up at our door, like they did for Mom and Dad." He managed to keep his voice from breaking, but Pony heard it waver.
Losing Pony would be worse than losing their parents…he didn't entirely understand it, but he knew Darry had been telling the truth when he'd said it. Before Darry could say anything else, Pony stood up, remembering the hospital and how tears had run down Darry's cheeks before Pony had run into his arms after the church. He remembered the relief of knowing that Darry didn't hate him, and that realization that his brothers were his home. And, ignoring the confusion in his brother's eyes as he approached, Ponyboy threw his arms around him. Darry went real still, then relaxed, wrapping his arms around Pony and holding him so tight it almost hurt, but in the best way possible.
"I love you," Pony whispered, praying this was real…praying that finally, after all they'd been through, that this would be what Darry remembered, and that none of the rest of it would seep into his dreams, or Soda's, or his either. "I'm sorry." He was sorry for so many things…for making Darry and Soda go through so much on those days that hadn't been real. For running off. For fighting with him all the time. For thinking for even a second that his brother hated him. For not seeing how exhausted and stressed and afraid Darry was all the time now…afraid of not having enough money and afraid of not being able to take care of Soda and Pony and afraid of losing someone else he loved. He just hoped that Darry knew he meant all of it.
Then again, he thought, why not say it? Why not talk to his brother? He'd done it before, hadn't he?
"I'm sorry I was always fighting with you…I thought you wanted to get rid of me."
"What?" Darry demanded, finally pulling away but holding onto Pony's shoulders like he might disappear. That horror was on his face again…that bewildered fear that had showed up when Pony had told him all this before. It was hard to see again, but Pony knew that they needed to talk…really talk.
"I thought you hated me…that you regretted keeping me. I thought that's why we were fighting all the time."
Darry shook his head, squeezing his shoulders. "No I…God, Ponyboy of course I didn't regret keeping you…not ever," he told him, voice growing stronger. "I didn't ever want you to think something like that. I…I know…I know things aren't always easy and…I know we've been fighting, but I never regretted getting custody of you and Soda. Not ever. You hear?"
Pony smiled a little. Once more, his brother was nothing if not consistent. "Yeah. I hear."
His brother pulled him close again, squeezing him hard in a hug. "I don't ever want to get rid of you. Glory, Pony…I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you."
Your whole world would end, Pony thought, shuddering a little. You'd hold me in your arms and I'd tell you it wasn't real only now it might be.
Darry rubbed the back of his head, then rested his hand on the back of Pony's neck just like their dad used to as Ponyboy pressed his ear to Darry's chest and listened to his heart beat. This was home. This was the place he always felt safest.
"I love you so much, kid. More than anything…you and Soda. You two are the most important people in the world to me."
Pony nodded. He knew that. Now he knew that. And he didn't think he could ever forget.
For a long time, Darry held him, and for a long time, Ponyboy let himself be held, feeling safe and at home and like everything was going to be okay…like maybe this day would be real.
Then Darry spoke again, a smile in his voice. "You're still grounded, though."
He laughed, and the relief of laughing…of being happy, brought tears to his eyes. "Yeah, I know."
Darry ruffled his hair, pulling away and giving him a wry smile, his eyes bright and soft and just a little red. "Good. Now go clean the bathroom. The State's gonna be visiting sometime this month and you're gonna make sure this house is spotless."
"Right," he muttered, nodding when Darry patted him on the back and headed back to the living room. He didn't mind though…not really. He figured he might after a while, but for now all he cared about this being real. Things were okay with him and Darry and time seemed to be working right again, and as far as he was concerned, that was all that mattered. So he headed to the bathroom, wondering if that toothpaste cap he'd spotted on the second day was behind the toilet yet.
Thanks for reading!