Chapter 4
Home Sweet Home
Magnus, Kain's most loyal and powerful warrior walks into a spotlight wearing an army helmet, and has a turkey sub in one hand, and a sword in the other.
Magnus: Hello champion viewers it is I, Magnus MacDaddy, and the vampire next to Vorador who's going to kick the shit out of, Malek!
Vorador comes out to join Magnus, and wraps an arm around his shoulder.
Vorador: That's right mortal's today's chapter is about sticking Malek in the ass with this long pointy sword; just like he enjoyed destroying my brides!
Bane: Guys! Stop screwing around with the intro!
Magnus: Beat it, Nature boy! War is big man business, something a weak little Bambi like yourself would never understand!
Bane: Hey Magnus why don't you go do something useful like get your ass kicked by the Sarafan Lord again!
Magnus runs after Bane calling him every filthy word in the book; as this is happening Vorador makes an attempt at the intro.
Vorador: Anyways guys, Welcome to chapter 4 of "House of Legacy of Kain." It's been a long time; too long if anything. But…(glares at Old Destiny from a distance) That wasn't up to me. Thanks for your patience and views everyone.
(When we last left the Kramer house everything was in complete utter chaos. Characters were beating the crap out of each other, furniture was being broken, and household appliances were being used as torture devices.)
The living room of the Kramer house was a huge mess. Splintered wood lay all over red and brown rugs, the walls had a few holes here and there; not to mention some sort of green and brown gunk that had long since dried. (R.I.P Susan)
Tables were overturned, kitchen pans lay on the floor and torn purple robes hung from the ceiling fan. The curtains that had once draped over the windows were claw shredded, there were pieces of ham on the sofa, and for some odd reason a pair of tidy whities were in the fireplace ashes; as if waiting to be burned in the next morning heating.
Crossing into the dining room there was a long table where almost all the Legacy of Kain characters sat. Some were standing, and looking a bit anxious. They all knew that fighting was forbidden within the Kramer house, and yet they had proceeded to fight anyways. All too well the game characters knew this act of reckless behavior would not go unpunished.
Sure what could a couple of puny humans do to a bunch of supernatural humanoids? At the end of the day the result was the same, they could all be kicked out and be forced to live in the street. Considering Eidos wasn't exactly funding for the Lok cast anymore they would most likely have to start making a living on producing "Diet commercials" or worse start working at "McDonalds." Whatever worse fate lay for the retro characters the cast was determined not to meet it.
"Alright, obviously you guys didn't understand what the rules implied when it came to no fighting in the house."
Jack was standing at the very front of the table with his arms crossed, and his long sleeves folded up to his elbows. He looked exhausted, and the cast had only been there for no more than five hours
"No it's not that, Jack it's just…"
"Save it, Turel." Jack raised a hand to silence the vampire in his attempt to explain himself. "I'm not feeling very agreeable right now, and quite frankly neither did Louise."
"Where is Louise anyway?" Janos turned his gaze out towards the destroyed living room as if he expected to see the hostess lingering there.
"Upstairs resting; she wasn't feeling up to this conversation."
Sighing, Jack messaged his temples before proceeding with his lecture.
"Alright listen closely. And I'm going to tell you once, and only once; from my own mouth."
Everyone looked at him nervously; waiting for the worst.
"No fighting in the house. None."
Jack looked at the nervous game characters; his face showing no remorse. Then again how could he? Every one of them took a part in destroying some piece of the Kramer house. Even if it was just the living room; if Jack didn't stop it now who knew what room would be destroyed next.
"I mean it guys, no fighting. That's what outside is for; hell that's what the training room was for!"
"Well no, Jack," everyone turned their heads to look at the outspoken, Marcus. "Have you not played our games? Surely you know what we're capable of, and that living room is just an understatement. We could destroy this whole house within an hour…"
"Precisely, which is why I am giving one final warning before I start kicking any one out." Jack looked at Marcus with aggravation as the bald vampire sat back down slowly; now fully aware of his status in the Kramer house.
Sighing Jack continued with the lecture. "As I was saying; Louise and I are going to let this slide, and excuse your behavior. This is new for everyone, and new to us as well. With that being said…"
Mr. Kramer looked at everyone's nervous faces, and lastly at Anacrothe chewing on his nails.
"We are going to forget about what happened today, and move on. You're all a lively, strange bunch. But enjoyable nonetheless."
Everyone started to chatter, and get up from their seats, relieved from not being thrown out into the streets; that is until Jack cleared his throat.
"Excuse me; one last thing."
All eyes landed on Kramer. "We are not your parents, and since you all did make a mess…"
"Oh man." The bishop of Meridian kicked the carpet with a slipper foot.
"That's right, and you can find the cleaning supplies in the double door closet in the kitchen." Jack Kramer pointed as he made his way out of the dining room entrance.
"This is all your fault!" Dumah pointed at Melchiah.
"Me?! All I did was go down a flight of stairs in a damn box! You threw Faustus' cat!"
Before Dumah could go after Faustus, King Ottmar intervened.
"Gentlemen, I do believe we're in enough trouble as it is, and I'd hate to see what else old Kramer has for us."
Looking at one another the vampires agreed reluctantly, and began to make their way to the living room with everyone else.
Everyone was doing their fair share of cleaning, and repairing; with some small talk, here and there.
"Does anyone know how to sew?" De joule held a pair of torn burgundy curtains.
"You could ask, Seer. She's lived in the back woods long enough." Sebastian snickered.
"I heard that!" Seer snapped as she took the curtains from De joule and sat at one of the sofas to begin sewing. "Men…"
Upstairs in the Kramer's master bedroom sat a tired Jack, and laying down next to him on their bed a very pale Louise. They appeared to be distressed over something, Mr. Kramer even more so.
"You look very pale, Louise. Are you sure you don't need a doctor?"
Slowly Mrs. Kramer sat up and laid her head against the chestnut brown head board. Her face was a sweaty red, and her eyelids were heavy with exhaustion. Wearily she looked towards Jack, but smiled.
"Have I ever actually needed one?" Her husband smiled back sadly, but shook his head. "No, I'm afraid there really isn't any need for one is there?"
Louise smiled as she laid her head back and breathed. "Are you going to be okay with the sudden change?"
Jack shook his head. "Don't worry about me; it's you I'm worried about..."
Louise slowly took her husband's hand in her own and compared them. His flesh was a peachy nourished color; meanwhile hers was pale and the veins could be seen easily. Jack's hands were soft by appearance but rough by the touch. Healthy in comparison to her pale, bony, and cold hands. One day she wouldn't be able to feel them anymore…
"I'll be fine, Jack. They're a lively bunch, and we'll be able to stay on our feet with them around."
Sighing Mr. Kramer put his chin on his wife's head; trying to remain positive as she was right. The Legacy of Kain clan had already demolished a portion of the house, and they hadn't even been here for five hours. Yet he felt perfectly content with them around, and given the few women that were in the group, Louise would have some company.
"Yes, you're right; you'll be fine." Jack said holding his wife closely after some deep thought.
"No, Jack we'll be fine." Louise kissed him once more before taking him in her arms.
Back downstairs in the living room the LOK characters were still cleaning up, and making timely progress. With Zephon was scraping Susan off the wall, Kain repairing the arm chair he smashed on the Hylden Lord, and Ariel cleaning up loose cat hair on the sofa's and rug; they would be done in no time.
Seer was still sewing the torn material on pillows, and Anacrothe was trying to help Bane in reviving the potted plants that had been destroyed in the fight.
"I don't think that plant was ever purple, Anacrothe."
Both men were sitting at a coffee table by the main window trying to return a torn plant to its original state. "Maybe not", Anacrothe started. "But I think the Kramer's will appreciate our creativity, and after all it's the thought that counts."
"That's what you said when you bought, Moebius' tomb stone on his 417th birthday." Moebius frowned at the sound of his name being said; which is usually never a good thing.
"What, Bane? He's always dying, and everyone hates him so technically I was thinking ahead."
"Ouch, that's cold..." Raziel shook his head while he held a dust pan for, Mortanius sweeping the cat hair, Ariel was lint rolling off the couch.
"But it is kind of true." Mortanius interjected receiving a death glare from Moebius.
"See, someone thinks I'm smart…" Anacrothe smirked as he looked at the now spotted purple plant.
"Woah man, I said you were right about Moebius being on everyone's hate list; not that you the dumbass of all of us was smart."
"Compared to, Moebius he is." Raziel pointed out while heading over to a trashcan, and walking right by the time streamer.
"You know I'm right here!" Moebius glanced at the ones bad mouthing him without remorse.
"Unfortunately." The Hylden Lord said as he passed by on his way to the kitchen.
"Dude you got served." Bane announced radically much to Moebius' dislike.
"Shut up, Bane."
Outside on the front porch, Faustus, Marcus, and Magnus were tending to, Dominance, Faustus' cat. Why, Marcus would even try to get close to the cat again is beyond anyone…
"She doesn't look too bad…"
"Don't worry Faustus she still looks like a marvelous feline…"
After all the commotion with Dominance and trying to remove her from, Marcus' face she'd lost quite a few patches of hair that caused her to be shaved completely, and have her master be sorrowfully horrified.
"She looks…"
Faustus couldn't finish his sentence as he was holding his bald cat on the verge of tears. "She looks…"
"She looks like a vagina on legs." Turel said walking by with a garbage bag full of broken wood, cat hair, and discarded food.
Faustus' eyes watered. "She does look like a vagina…"
"How would you know?" Magnus crossed his arms while looking at his younger brother.
"Does it matter!? My cat is ugly, and my porn life is personal!"
Marcus and Magnus looked at one another. "Dude you just admitted to watching porn…"
"Oh, shut up!" Faustus grabbed his cat and ran inside; shutting the front door behind him.
Marcus and Magnus stood there silently before, Marcus took Faustus' phone out of his back pocket.
"Wanna look through his search history?"
Smirking Magnus took the phone before going inside Kramer house. "Thought you'd never ask."
(King Ottmar takes the stage this time for outro. "Greetings fellow subjects! It's been too long, and I'm sure you all are on the verge of explosion waiting for this story."
King Ottmar's daughter (Lets call her, Lily)" There's just been so much going on, but we really appreciate the patience."
King Ottmar: "Yes if you'd like the author to continue this fanfic please give this story a review or follow.
Lily: Or you could donate chicken nuggets to King Ottmar's castle, and address them to me, Lily!"
Kain: Sorry little girl your daddy doesn't have a castle anymore. He sold it to loser hippies in exchange for your existence.
Lily: What's he talking about, daddy?
Ottmar: Nothing honey, Kain's being dumb as usual."
Kain: You're adopted.
Lily: (getting watery eyed) Huh?
Ottmar: "DON'T LISTEN TO HIM! THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE AND VIEWS EVERYONE!"
This is an Old Destiny production. I do not own Legacy of Kain or Eidos. Just the Kramer's, and Dominance, and whatever else may come up in this story. Peace out and thanks again. R&R