10.16.1995 "THE RECKONING" 2
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XENA
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I wake up. Still alive. Guess I'm in luck?
Or rather. The power that controls this thing, wants me alive. I can still feel it.
Ugh. My head. That shovel packs a punch.
Ugh. My shoulder. It's killing me. Did they have to chain me up in this specific pose? It's like they know what's hurting most. These shackles are too tight.
Actually. What kind of a fetishist bondage is this? Who came up with this posture? What kind of a pervert?
I strain my senses and check. The god is in the room, watching. Enjoying what he sees?
So I'm still alive? In prison? So, a civil execution?
I hope they didn't harm Gabrielle. I hope they let her go.
I hope she's wise, and is on her way home.
And just as I think that. There she is. Right on cue.
NOOOO. You should have went home! I told you to!
You shouldn't entangle yourself with me!
You don't know what we're dealing with! And I can't tell you! Because he's listening!
Why don't you just go home, Gabrielle? Don't you realize what you're risking, when you're with me?
She asks if I'm alright. She worries about ME.
Oh Gabrielle. You just don't understand a single thing. You should be worried about yourself. You are in mortal danger.
This presense here. That god. He's killing peasants. You aren't safe in here.
And I'm a monster. You shouldn't be with me.
But I can't tell you that. He's listening.
And you. I know you wouldn't listen. You are immune to reason.
She wonders why I gave up.
...
Oh Gabrielle.
To be with you, is both a torture and a blessing.
How much I wish I could tell you, all of it. But I can't do that. I can't tell you a single thing. Because I wish you left me before you knew me.
I want you to stay innocent. I want you to stay blissfully unaware.
I want you to never notice the blood on my hands.
I wish you left while thinking well of me.
So I'll never tell you, not a single thing. I will never tell you what I feel.
So right now, all I can do, is beg you. PLEASE leave me here!
Do not entangle yourself further with death. Stop nourishing a monster.
Do not put yourself in danger by being next to me.
And most of all. After everything I've done. For me to die is justice. Don't fight justice for me!
And she doesn't understand a single thing.
Me and her, we don't speak the same language. We don't live in the same universe. Everything I say, goes over her head. She's immune to reason. She's out of her depth.
She wants justice to prevail.
...
It's true. We should have never met. All we can do. Is hurt each other.
I sigh in disappointment. But she.
She felt down a moment ago. But now she cheers up. And promises to get me out of here. There is no end to her insanity.
I stoop down to real begging. PLEASE get away from here!
But my pleas fall on deaf ears. She really chooses what exists and doesn't exist in her reality. She doesn't see a single thing.
Just like my fighting with this god. Same thing with Gabrielle. They're the same.
I can't fight them. I can't stop them. All I can do, is watch the events unfold, helpless.
I can't fight destiny.
She leaves. Finally. I hope she changes her mind and goes home, while at it. She shouldn't be with me.
Leaves me alone with the divine presense. Will he explain himself now?
And he appears. The god. The pervert.
Just seeing him in flesh. I know.
That battle we had. Those feelings he inspired in me. He can only be one god.
Ares. The god of war.
...
The god of war. And also.
The god of me.
My god. The god that I've dedicated my entire life to worshipping.
One doesn't only worship a god by praying, partaking in ceremonies and making sacrifices in temples.
One also worships a god by performing the actions that lay in his domain.
And with the sorta life I had. I am the god of war's biggest worshipper.
I have dedicated my whole life to war. I have probably killed millions. Nobody has worshipped the god of war more than me.
And now this god is standing there in the flesh, in front of me.
So many years of crimes, and now of all times, he graces me with his presense.
So many years of glory. And I only get to see my god now. Bound in prison. Wearing my poopy underoos.
He is so handsome. His beard is good. The most beautiful man in the world. I cannot resist his charm. He's pulling at my very soul.
If only our circumstances were different.
I meet him. My god. He's handsome. And I haven't even combed my hair.
He waves his hand. And my shackes just come off. Ugh. This relief. My shoulder was killing me.
So he grants me freedom? What IS his deal?
He talks to me. But I can't hear him over my aching shoulder.
And then he... gives me a backrub.
...
This is heaven. I wanted this so much. I think I'm gonna cry.
This is so good. His hands, so strong yet soft. They just caress me in every way that I desire.
I was always weak to touch. I lose my reason when somebody is touching me.
This feels so good. The ultimate sensation. Perhaps... this is what I always needed?
Perhaps I was born just so I could be held inside his arms.
This feels so good. I'm getting into it. Is there a bed? I feel my passions raising.
I think there's no bed. Will the filthy floor be good enough?
I would do anything. Anything. Just so I could melt inside his arms.
...
Wait. This is a prison. And I'm a prisoner. And who puts me in this prison... is him.
And now he's fondling me... and I'm enjoying this? I'm ready to give myself up to him over a backrub?
I'm too easy! I have no self-control! It hurts to, but I should reign in my passions!
Calm my passions down! Think of Gabrielle!
I won't be easy! I won't be pleasing my captor!
If he wanted this! He could have at least bought me dinner!
He puts me in this prison because he wants something from me! He wants a game from me!
And I won't be playing games rigged in his favor! I'll stand my ground!
I'll be dignified! I won't be easy! I at least, will play hard to get!
I get out of his arms! His dangerous arms! I walk away from them! I can't afford to let him get his hands on me! They're too distracting! Think of Gabrielle!
And just as I do. He asks for my hand.
...
Okay I guess. At least he's asking? I'm not that difficult when it comes to dating. Maybe there's still a chance for him!
Also. He is god. How can I say no to him? The world belongs to the gods. You can't fight a god. You can't fight destiny. You can only struggle. My life is in his hands.
And also. I can't deny it. I feel a strong pull towards him.
And so I give my hand to him.
And just like that. He transforms the room.
I look around and I see.
The tackiest room in existence. So this is what they call "the noveau riche aesthetic"?
It's like he has taken every single rich thing in existense, and cluttered it all into a single chamber.
But as I look better. I realize what this is.
This... is home. The home of homes.
The hearth. The warmth. The incense smell. The abundant food. The epic feel. The sense of grandeur.
The ultimate home is this.
I haven't had a home in many, many years. So getting HERE. It feels like I have found my place, at last.
The destination of my journey. It's always been here, this room.
This room. Is where I always wanted to come to.
I thought it was tacky. But that I know. I couldn't have designed it better.
This place. Is the ultimate home that I have always wanted.
The end of my journey is here.
And as I look around. I notice.
The king-sized bed.
Realization strikes. I look at him in disbelief.
This place. I thought it was home. But actually. This is his love nest, isn't it?
So this is what it's all about? This is his endgame?
He just wants to get me into bed with him? All this, just for that?
He could have just asked! I would have played hard to get for a minute, but eventually I would have said yes! I may look intimidating, but actually I'm easy! I would always say yes to love!
What's wrong with him? Why can't he just ask directly? Is he out of his mind?
And I remember. This room is cozy. But it's not real.
The reality is I'm in prison. And he's the one that put me there.
And in order to do that. He freaking killed people. A god! The god of war! Killing unarmed peasants with with own hands, directly! In order to put a woman in prison! Because he wants to bed her!
Just how out of his mind is he?
And I was impressed for a minute? I am shame!
He just talks about it nonchalantly. Has he no self-awareness whatsoever? Then he praises my beauty.
Me, with my uncombed hair and in my poopy underoos. ... He is a bit pathetic. Just how desperate is he?
Says he wants me back. He means to my warlording days? I'm not doing that again! That's my every regret!
Instead of continuing the subject. He elects to start undressing me.
And he asks. Am I having fun these days?
And now I realize what is it he wants. He wants... my soul.
He's killed people... he's put me in prison... because this is what he wants from me.
What he wants from me, isn't a relationship. It's for me to be his slave.
One can never leave their past behind them. It will always come to haunt you. He is my past, came to haunt me. He wants my soul to be his.
But how can he? Doesn't he realize? With how much I've dedicated to worshipping him. How much I have condemned myself.
My soul is already his. All of it.
In my lifetime of murder. I have lost my soul. Lost it all. There is nothing left. I am condemned.
All of me. Is already his. Is already lost. Why doesn't he realize it?
I'm already his. And yet.
What he wants. Is for me to plummet even lower. Is there lower than where I am right now? Haven't I already done it all? Is there anything left that I haven't done?
I... don't want to find out. I don't want to live long enough to find out. I want my sins to end.
What he wants. Is for me to have fun. For me to keep living. For me to keep sinning.
I... don't want that.
How can I resist a god? The world belongs to the gods. We can't fight the gods. His every will is destiny.
But. I don't want that. I don't want to come back to my regrets. Maybe if he wanted something else? I'd do anything other than that.
I get naked for him. Finally out of my poopy underoos. This is what he wants? Maybe if this was what he wanted. How else can I resist a god.
He puts the dress on me, instead. Aw, I failed to distract him. He plays with my hair. Oh no. He shouldn't do that. I become weak when somebody's touching me. Now I'm the one distracted. How could I ever hope to resist a god.
He plays with my hair. And suddenly.
I feel so good. My shoulder stops aching. I feel clean. I feel strong. I feel young.
It's like I've just become a decade younger. My age just disappears.
I'm overflowing with power. There's nothing I can't do!
Like the world is mine! I'm it's conqueror!
I feel! Like I'm the god of war, myself!
So this is what it feels like, to be his.
And he keeps talking. He just tells me, everything I want to hear.
That I would conquer the world. And through that, make it a better place.
He shows me documents. Containing every law that I would ever wish for.
He tells me everything I want to hear.
He speaks of destiny.
My destiny... is to rule the world with him.
He shows me what's outside the window. In there. There's an army. Thousands upon thousands of warriors. All mine. The best of warriors. All for me.
All to... change the world how I see fit.
I... could do anything if I had that.
How much... I miss... having that.
Outside this room. I have.
Unfulfilled needs. Poverty. Exhaustion. Hunger. Age. Poopy butt. Aching shoulder.
Regrets. Tortured mind. Destroyed soul. Wasted life.
And inside this room. With him. I have.
Abundance. Luxury. Comfort. Strength. Power. Health. Youth. Infinite potential. Glorious future.
Everything that I desire.
I can have it, with him.
He embraces me again. He puts his magic hands on me again. I melt into his arms.
I can just have everything I want, if I'm with him.
Why would I ever... say no to that?
But then. I remember. This guy. This god.
He is the same as me. We are a match. We're both... scum. The lowest of the lowest.
He has killed people. Just to make this offer to me.
If he was sincere... he could have just asked me straight.
He puts me in prison. Just to make it harder for me to refuse him.
What he really wants... is for me to be his slave.
He's done all that. What that means... is that he really, *really* wants me to agree. He's desperate.
What that means... is that my agreement or refusal... matters.
He is a god. His will is destiny. My life is in his hands. And yet... he wants me to agree. I can refuse him.
What he wants, isn't even a slave. He wants my very soul.
So much effort, just for me.
He wants me so much. Look how much effort he put into wooing me.
He could have just asked. But he chose murder and blackmail, instead.
And now he talks of peace. What peace? He is the god of freaking WAR! I'm currently in prison, awaiting to be executed, because he was framed me into a crime I didn't commit, by killing a bunch of defenseless bystanders because ther were convenient. And I'm considering believing him? What a fool I am! I'm too weak to touch! I'm shame!
This guy. He may be a god. But first of all. He's scum. As scummy as it gets.
I am the queen of scum. And I know one when I see one.
And when I look at him. I see the god of scum.
Why should I ever... trust anything he says?
When I know. To people like him. Word means nothing.
Everything he does. Is just a game to him.
He'll take his word back as easily as he gives it.
There is no "win" in dealing with him.
Just that he noticed me, by itself. Is already a "loss" to me.
What can I ever do... to resist a god?
How can I ever... fight destiny itself?
And just as I think that.
He puts things back.
Away from glory. Away from comfort.
Back into my cold, smelly prison cell. Back to my too tight shackles in a fetishist bondage position. Back to my poopy underoos and aching shoulder. Back to the throbbing bruise on my head. Back to age, back to suffering.
Back to my destroyed life.
It hurts.
So this is what he plays. A game of contrasts. Choose me, and you get that. Unchoose me, and you get this.
He really. Really. Wants me to choose him.
He's so desperate, it's pathetic.
He points at the screaming crowd outside. Oh.
So I'm about to get lynched right now, this minute?
That's how much he wants me? Choose me or die?
The bloodthirsty crowd gets into my cell. They bring me out.
The horse carriage they're going to drag me behind is ready. So my death is by being dragged behind a horse? I've done my share of that. Guess it's my turn.
He appears among the crowd. He looks at me, expectantly. Triumphantly.
He believes that he has already won. That I'm already his.
And so. My choice is now.
Life with him. Or death without him.
To be the queen of scum.
Or to die as an ex one.
He thinks he has me. The god of scum.
If I choose him now. Then I can have it all.
I could have an army. I could have comfort. I could have a future.
All I need to do. Is get to my old ways.
Back to leading armies. Back to conquering cities.
Back to destroying villages. Back to killing innocents.
Back to killing Lyceuses, back to killing Gabrielles.
Back to making orphans. Back to killing children. Back to killing babies.
Back to killing my son.
I will be strong. I will be powerful. I will forget my every doubt. I will calm my mind.
I'll forget everything that I don't want to remember. Be blind to everything that I don't wanna see.
I will be happy. I will have it all.
And deep down. I will hate myself for all of it.
Every regret that I have now. If I choose him. I'll make that regret good.
Everything that I regret right now. Will become a good thing.
Everything that I regret. Will become my pride.
If my regret is real.
Then I should hate all this, with passion.
He says my destiny is he. But there is another option. Another destiny that I deserve.
There's no coming back for me.
There's no living for me.
With everything I've done. What I should do.
Is pay for my crimes.
Pay for my wretched existense.
With everything I've done. I deserve death for it.
Whether the crime is real or not, is irrelevant.
What I should pay for. Is my very life.
So I choose death.
I'd rather die than come back to that.
See this, Ares. You are my god, and you offer me the world. You offer me the best of lives that I could have ever had.
But I choose death over you.
I choose death. Because death is what I deserve.
You say my destiny is to be with you. And I know it's true.
And I'd rather die than to be with you.
I choose death. And just as I do.
Suddenly, Gabrielle.
Puts the rope around her neck.
!
No! This can't be happening! But I told her to leave!
But instead of leaving... she chooses to watch my death.
And instead of watching...
She chooses to die with me.
NO! This shouldn't be happening! This entire world is wrong! This universe is twisted beyond all belief!
She would die for me.
Gabrielle should not be dying for me! There is nothing in the world more wrong than that!
But I can't stop this! There is nothing I can do!
For me to die is justice.
But she would die for me.
And this is the will of a god! This is destiny! We can't avoid it!
All I can do! Is watch the events unfold! Helpless!
Gabrielle, with a rope around her neck.
Gabrielle, about to die for me.
She's something small. Something inconsequential. Something temporary.
But she would die for me! ! !
What is happening. How do I stop this.
The only thing I can do. Is do it. Accept Ares on his offer.
Sacrifice my soul so she could live.
But if I do that. He will KNOW.
He'll know that I chose death over him. But then I chose him for Gabrielle.
He will know. That Gabrielle is my weakness.
And once he knows. There'll be no living for her. He will destroy her.
I will drag Gabrielle down with me.
If I agree now. Gabrielle will pay.
But if I don't. She'll be lynched for me.
She will die for me.
I will drag Gabrielle down with me.
No matter what I choose. Gabrielle pays for that.
I can't allow either choice to happen. I'm trapped!
Do I choose immediate death for Gabrielle... or do I choose her living with the god of war using her as a hostage?
Either way. Whatever I choose. Ends with Gabrielle paying for my crimes.
I will drag Gabrielle down with me.
Every option. Every development. Ends with Gabrielle suffering for me.
She would die for me. And all I can ever give her, is pain.
I wish we never met.
But we met. And now she'll die for it. What do I do?
Do I choose her a horrible death. Or do I choose her a life that's worse than death?
I can't choose either. I'm at a dead end. Someone help!
And then the village elder stops this. The crisis is averted.
My execution is postponed. Gabrielle will live.
She would die for me.
Now she's made this spectacle with Ares watching. Now he's noticed her existence. Now she's ruined his plans with him watching her do that with his own eyes. Now she's in more danger that she's ever been.
She would die for me.
The elder promises justice. But justice IS for me to die.
If only I were dead. None of this would be happening. Gabrielle would be safe!
She would die for me.
But I chose to live. But I survived. And now Gabrielle will be paying for my crimes.
My execution is postponed. I will live an extra day.
Another day with Gabrielle here and Ares watching her.
She would die for me.
I should have died now! Then Ares would leave, then Gabrielle would be safe!
She would die for me.
Maybe this can still be fixed? Maybe I can talk her into going home?
Maybe I can convince her to stay low and just leave quietly? Maybe then Ares will forget he saw her?
She would die for me.
No. He had this planned for me, and he was watching when she ruined his plans. Now he is watching her. Now she's in mortal danger, even if she leaves.
Now her every moment could be her last.
What can I do to make Ares forget he ever saw her? Call for him, accept him on his offer?
But then he'll know I'm accepting it for her. That'll only put her in more danger, not less.
She would die for me.
No matter what I do. No matter what I think of. Every development ends with Gabrielle in danger.
There is no way for me to save her. I'm powerless!
I *have* dragged her down with me!
They bring me back to my prison. They aren't doing the fetishist bondage thing anymore. Just normal shackles. Why? Because he isn't paying his attention to me anymore?
Because right now... he's watching her, not me?
! ! !
She would die for me. And now she will. I have condemned her!
What can I do to make this stop? There's no option!
She doesn't know that it's a god doing this! The god of scum that kills peasants. If he decides she's in his way... he'll kill her, just like that!
She would die for me.
I try to scold her, hopelessly. I know that she won't listen. And I can't tell her anything that matters. He's listening. I can't let him know that she's important.
I can't convince her. She's the same as Ares. Same as destiny. All I can do is watch events unfold, helpless.
She would die for me.
Says she just wants to save a friend.
She doesn't understand. There is no saving me! How do I explain! How do I tell her that she should forget me! That she should leave!
That she shouldn't be dying with me!
That she's in mortal danger right now! That I can't do anything!
That I am death! That she can only die with me!
I can't let him know how much she means to me. I can't let HER know how much she means to me.
I try to reason with her. But she's immune to reason. She's the most stubborn woman that has ever lived.
She's proud of herself. She's happy. She got her way. She happily announces that she'll be my advocate, and that right now she'll go find the evidence to shatter this whole case.
He's here in the room, listening to her every word.
She probably has minutes left to live.
How do I stop this? It's a god that wants this. To fight a god is the same thing as to fight destiny. You can't win. You can only struggle.
There's nothing I can do to make him stop.
There's nothing I can do to make her stop.
She would die for me.
I am completely helpless. I can't fight destiny, at all.
What do I do? Same thing now as at my execution site, minutes ago. Gabrielle is about to die for me.
All I can do, is choose between her immediate death right now, or a life for her that's worse than death. Life as the hostage of Ares.
And I can't even tell her anything. To call for Ares, or to tell her this. That's the same thing. It's letting him know. It's choosing a life worse than death for her.
What do I do? The decisive moment is now. What do I choose for her?
...
I can't do this. I can't choose someone's destiny for them.
It's wrong. People should be able to decide their own destiny.
Except we can't. Our gods decide that for us. The world belongs to the gods, and we can't fight them.
Ares has decided that it's either him or death, for me. And I'm in prison, about to be executed. Nothing I can do.
And now, I'm deciding Gabrielle's destiny for her. Now I'm doing to her the same thing that Ares is doing to me.
This is horrible. He disgusts me. The gods disgust me. I wish I could just kill 'em all!
But the moment of decision is now. Do I stay quiet and let Gabrielle leave? Let her go where Ares is waiting for her? Do I choose death for her?
Or do I call for Ares and accept. And then he'll know what Gabrielle means to me. And then he'll have her, for her whole life. Do I choose a life worse than death for her?
I can't decide.
...
What would... what would Gabrielle do?
What would she do, if she knew?
What would *she* choose?
She's young. She's inexperienced. Uneducated. Simple. Shallow. Slow. Ignorant. Confident. Stubborn. Stupid. Enduring. Patient. Tough. Strong. Naive and kind.
Kind. And most of all. Loving. Loving so much that she would even hope for a monster.
Loving so much that she would even *die* for a monster.
If she knew this. What would she choose?
Death, or life worse than death?
...
She is strong. And she is kind. And she really. Really. Wants to make something of herself. She loves life to bits.
If Ares knew to take her hostage. There would be no life for her. She would be the same as a slave.
Do we choose death, or do we choose slavery?
What would Gabrielle do?
...
I don't know. I don't actually know what good people think. I can't solve this riddle! It's too much!
All I know. Is that I'd rather die than be his slave.
But that's because. For me to die is justice. I deserve this.
What does Gabrielle deserve more? Death or slavery, what would be *her* pick?
I would choose death. Because that's what I want. Because I hate my life, I hate what I made of it.
And the reason I ruined my life... is because I chose bloodthirst. I chose vengeance. I chose murder. I chose war.
I chose everything that Ares represents.
And if I hate my life. Then I should hate Ares. I should hate the idea of anyone being under him.
If I choose death rather than be with him. Then I should choose the same for others.
I'd rather die than be his.
And that means... anyone should rather die than be with him.
I should wish the death of anyone that follows him.
That means... I should think that anyone is better dead than be his slave.
And that means... I choose the death of Gabrielle.
...
Forgive me, Gabrielle. I've chosen death for you.
You love me. You support me. You hope for me. You would die for me.
And I choose death for you.
I wish you'd rather die than be his slave.
And just like that. I choose inaction. I watch her leave to her death, happily.
I choose death for her.
She would die for me. And I choose death for her.
Because I'm a monster. I've lived a life of horror. And for that. I drew the attention of the god of scum.
And then I met her.
And now I'd rather she die than become his.
She leaves, happy. I stay there in my prison. No more fetishist bondage position. Because now he isn't watching me. Now he's watching her.
Now he's gonna kill her because she loves me.
...
I was about to end my life. And then I saw her. And I lived for a moment longer.
And then I took her on my journey towards death.
And now she'll die because she loves me.
I *have* taken her to death.
Now she's going to pay for my crimes.
Because that's what I chose for her.
I have dragged her down with me.
I knew I shouldn't let her. I knew we should have never met. I knew we met too late, and now I can only hurt her.
I knew this can't get serious. That this getting serious is the worst thing that can ever happen.
And now I let her get serious. And now she'll die for it.
I have chosen death for her. I'm death, and I always kill those I love.
She would die for me. And now, she will. Because I chose so.
I use to think. "I've already done so many sins. What's one more?" And now I know. The "what". The "what" is... that now I WILL make her pay. I will make her suffer. Now she'll pay for my sins. Now she WILL die for me.
I met the sweetest, kindest girl, and I made her die for me.
I am death, and I kill those I love. I can't stop it. If I live, then people I love WILL continue dying.
If I wanted her to live. If I can't get rid of her. Then I should have died, so that she could have lived.
But I let her with me and I lived. So now she'll die for me.
She left, and Ares doesn't come. The reason is because right now, he isn't with me. He's with her.
Maybe it's not too late? Maybe I can still change my mind? If I just call him. If I accept. Then he'll let her live. She'll be miserable, but she'll live!
Do I choose death or misery for her?
I can't linger. I don't have time. Any moment could be her last!
And I still can't decide. Do I save her from death, or do I save her from misery? From a life that shouldn't be?
Forgive me, Gabrielle. You are the kindest person that I've ever known. Right now, you have a home and you have a future. You have a family, you have the right to live. You are kind and you are pure.
And most of all. Your love for life. You'll lose it if you hang out with Ares. You'll lose it if you hang out with me.
She loves life so much. But if Ares gets a hold of her. He will make her his slave. And she will lose her love for life. And more. Once she learns the true cause of it all... she will learn to hate me.
If the alternative is her misery... then I choose death for her, instead.
If she dies now. She'll go to heaven. She's kind, she's caring. She'll be dead, but she'll be happy.
But if Ares gets ahold of her. Who knows what he will do. He will do his worst to her.
He will ruin her. She won't stay kind.
He may teach her all his worst. And then... she may never go to heaven.
Then she may become like me.
I'd rather die than let her become me.
I've thought before that I'd rather she die than she becomes like me. But now... I have to actually make that reality.
She would die for me.
I'm choosing death for her so she doesn't lose her soul.
Gods! Fates! Why did allow such a wretched being like myself be born! I curse you!
All I wanted was a safe and happy life for her. And now all I can give her. Is a mercy death.
I was about to end my life. And because of her, I lived longer. Because she's kind, because she's pure. Because she's everything I wish I could be.
I'm the most horrible monster that has ever existed. My death is justice! My own mother should lynch me! Yet *she* would hope for me!
The whole world should hate me! Yet she loves me so much she'd die for me!
She stopped me being lynched, not once but twice, now!
Yet she would hope for me! She would put herself between me and my lynchers! She would die for me!
But all I can give her is misery and death.
There is nobody in the world that should love me. And still. You do.
You love me. And in return. I choose death for you.
When we first met, she was about to become a slave.
I thought I had saved her. But now, I've brought slavery back to her! Now thanks to me, it's slavery or death for her!
Death is all I am. And het, she is so kind that she would hope for ME.
She would die for me.
And now I'm choosing death for her.
All she ever does, is give me life.
All I can ever do, is bring her death.
She is my life. And I'm her death.
I wish we never met. Because then, she would be happy. But now. All she can have, is misery and death.
And so I wait in my prison. The pervert isn't coming. He's with her. Killing her, most probably. A scum like him, kills those who are in his way, who are of no value.
And I'm staying quiet. I'm choosing death for her. I continue choosing death for her. Over and over, again and again.
I'm continually choosing death for her, with every passing moment.
I wish she'd rather die than become his.
I wish she'd rather die than become like me.
And I wait. I wait and wait and wait.
And with every passing moment. I add to my sins more and more.
The time of my hearing comes. And with that... she comes back!
She's alive! He didn't kill her! It's a miracle!
Forgive me, Gabrielle, for I have chosen death for you! But you've survived, anyway! You have survived me!
He let her live! Maybe she didn't pose as much threat to him as I thought? She is a village fool, after all! That makes her safe! She is saved by her foolishness!
She insists my guards give me back my clothes. She insists on dignity for me.
She cares about the most unimportant things.
Right now, she's in mortal danger. But she doesn't even know that, or even care.
Thanks the gods she's stupid! Thanks to that, Ares has spared her!
Now she's alive! Now she may survive this! Now there's still hope for her!
Now if only they just kill me and let her go! That would be the best!
The hearing happens. The pointless hearing. The spectacle, played just for me. This should have ended with my lynching, an hour ago. What's the use of this?
Gabrielle insists on justice. But justice is the death of me.
There is no justice. Only power. And this whole game is rigged. Because a god is playing it. Because the world belongs to the gods. And they play it as they see fit.
You can't fight destiny. You can only struggle.
I was supposed to die an hour ago. Instead, we get this spectacle "hearing". But it can only end one way.
My execution is just postponed. I will only live an extra day.
Then. Tomorrow. The same thing will repeat.
Gabrielle will again put a rope around her neck.
The people will expect this. So they won't let her. They will detain her for this.
They will probably put her in my prison cell when they execute me.
So she won't see my death. And then they will release her. And she will go home.
She will go home. While having regrets. But while thinking well of me.
She won't know that I chose death for her.
A happy ending. The best ending that I could have ever hoped for.
But that's tomorrow. Now, the pointless hearing.
People who don't know they're actors, put into their place by destiny. By a god.
They cry. They've lost their husbands, their fathers. Now their kids will be suffering.
The witnesses tell the heartbreaking sobstories. That's what they're supposed to do. It's their destiny. This changes nothing. What's the use?
Perhaps this is for them. The surviving victims. Right now. They think I killed their men. And they are suffering from an unresolved fury. Because justice is not served.
But if they get this. If they get me sentensed and executed. Their fury will be resolved.
They will only suffer from having lost their loved ones. They won't suffer from knowing the murderer roams free.
This hearing. It may be just a mock of one. Just a spectacle.
But to the actors, it is real.
This may be just a mockery of justice. But to them, it's real. They will be relieved after this.
But the true murderer will live, happy. The real justice cannot be.
Just this mockery of justice, is the best that they'll ever get.
And that makes this a good thing. Because to the victims, it'll be real.
Fake justice is the only thing that they can ever have.
Real justice... is impossible for them. Because it's a god doing this. Because it's destiny. Because we live in the world of murder. Because real justice does not exist.
So now. When the inevitable happens. These victims will only get a false relief. They won't know they haven't only lost their loved ones. They've also never got justice for this.
How many other victims survive. The relatives of the people that I killed.
I look at them. The actors. And I realize. Those other victims. They suffer just as much.
And there are countless of them. All over the known world. There are my surviving victims, just like these.
And they all. Suffer just like this. Have suffered, for many years.
And if I life. Will continue suffering. For their whole lives.
What I did or didn't do is irrelevant. I've done enough.
My every breath is a crime. My very life is an abomination of justice.
Justice. Is when the guilty pay for their crimes. And that's me.
Gabrielle just can't understand. That it's justice for me to die.
The hearing happens. And Gabrielle is my advocate. Believing my innocence with her whole being.
After my lifetime of crimes. After I chose death for her. With her death - my captor - watching her right now.
She still does her all to stand by me.
But it's okay. He let her live once. Because she's safe. She's a village fool. She can't do anything to thwart him.
All she can do is make a fool of herself. Give him a good laugh.
And she protects me. With everything she's got. And she... she's good at this! Everything she says makes sense! I didn't know she had this in her. But she was supposed to be a village fool?
She's good. But she shouldn't. He's watching!
She's so good at this. I wish she wasn't. I wish she stayed quiet. I wish she left.
Earlier today. Ares wanted me lynched. But she stopped that with him watching. Somehow, he let her live.
And now. Again, she's making a show of herself thwarting his plans. With him watching. She's doing her best to challenge and provoke him. I wish she stop.
She is in mortal danger right now.
But I can't do anything. All I can do, is watch. I'm helpless. I'm also an actor here. My role has been decided for me.
All of us, are actors. We sit on our places, and we say our decided lines. Everything has been decided for us. A god is doing this. All of us are his slaves, moving as he sees fit. All of us are slaves to our destiny. But Gabrielle. She alone fights.
If all of us are slaves. But Gabrielle alone, fights. Then what is she?
Then she's... the sacrifice.
She fights. She's so good at this. I'm proud of her. If only she had abandoned me and went to live a better life. Then she could make something of herself. She could have so much for herself.
She protects me good. I couldn't ask for a better ally than Gabrielle.
But she doesn't realize. It's a GOD we're fighting against. It doesn't matter how good she is. There is nothing anyone can do.
And she shouldn't be protecting me.
I don't want Ares to notice her. I don't want him to know her potential. I don't want him to know what heights she's capable of.
She's so good at this. But she doesn't realize. Just WHAT she is protecting with me. She doesn't realize. How much I'm corrupting her. By letting her be involved with me.
She just doesn't notice. The blood on my hands.
She doesn't realize. That it's too late for me.
I wish she wasn't corrupting herself with me. I wish she had stayed home. Stayed pure. Stayed innocent. Stayed good.
I wish she would just go home. And leave me to my fate here.
That would be the best for everybody. I wish I could convince her of this.
She would die for me. I've chosen death for her. But I wish she would live.
She shouldn't die for me.
In the midst of this. She mentions the peasants' money are also gone.
So Ares the god of war, didn't just kill unarmed peasants with his own hands. He took their money, too. And I considered laying with THAT?
They bring the surviving victim. And he only says the damning things.
Of course. It IS a god manipulating this. We can't fight a god. I just hope that he'll leave Gabrielle alone. Gabrielle's safety is the only thing I hope for.
But me. He has already chosen me. There's no fighting what he's planned for me.
He has already decided my destiny for me. My life is in his hands.
The pointless hearing's over. Stage off.
What now?
What is his next move?
They bring me to my cell.
What happens now?
And it's... back to the bondage position. But I thought that was over?
I see. He just let that one slip due to inattention.
But now he's watching. Now he has immediate plans for me.
My execution's in the morning. My final night alive. What will he bring me?
In come the bloodthirsty peasants. Those that want my blood the most.
Oh. I see. No execution in the morning.
Tortured to death, right now.
They start off by just beating me.
And I can't even call this wrong. What they do is justice.
How many other victims out there. Wish they could do the same?
They think they're beating me for their beloved relatives and friends.
But in reality. They beat me for all those other victims, who died unavenged.
And I welcome every strike.
I deserve this. All of it.
Tortured to death is what I deserve.
Strike after strike after strike. I'm glad for it.
With every hit. Some surviving victim out there. Some dead soul in the otherworld.
They all can sigh in relief.
Finally I'm getting punished.
Finally my sins are being paid for.
Finally I get what I deserve.
Finally my victims are avenged.
Finally it's my body that hurts, and not my mind.
And as I'm getting my just punishment.
HE appears. He mocks me. He mocks my torturers.
But I don't. I don't blame them. They do what's right.
And HE should know this, too.
He above all. Should know that vengeance IS justice.
And he knows. He reminds me.
I had started my adult life wanting vengeance.
I... needed to kill my brother's killer. There was the truth in that.
And I had that. But life didn't become better.
Before that. I started my life wanting to make something out of myself.
I wanted glory. I wanted adventures. I wanted to see the world.
I couldn't have enough, just living in my village. I wanted more.
For me to just live in a village. Wasn't the life I wanted. That wasn't the real me.
So I went out. And I sought life.
But no matter what I did. Nothing was enough. That also wasn't the real me.
So now. After I realized that I've ruined everything. I try to live doing something different.
But even this. Doesn't satisfy me.
Now I live a life of impossible hardship. Of perpetual self-denial. Now I own nothing, obtain nothing. Now I live pretending. Now I wear a mask, now I copy someone else's mannerisms, now I speak in a false voice. Now I live my life pretending to be something I can never be.
And I hate it all to bits.
This... also isn't the real me.
No matter what I do. Nothing is right.
No matter what I do. I can't find the real me.
No matter where I search. I can't find myself.
No matter where I go. "Me" isn't there.
The life I have right now. It's so hard. It's unbearable.
I can't stand it.
I can't live owning nothing. Getting nothing. Feeling nothing but shame.
When I first started. I wanted to be proud of myself.
But now. There is no pride at all left to me.
I'm nothing. I try to be something. But I remain nothing.
I don't want to be nothing.
I can't live without pride.
The life I have right now. Is just me killing myself slowly.
I endure impossible hardship every day. And as a reward. I get guilt and angruish.
Guilt and angruish. Because right now. I get to see something good.
Only see it. Never have it.
Gabrielle. I want you to be proud of me so much. That I'm slowly killing myself for it.
Guilt and angruish. Because. I know. That all I can ever do.
Is disappoint you. Ruin you. Destroy you.
All I can ever be. Is death to you.
I don't want that.
I want to be with you. But to be with you is torture.
I'm already tortured enough. I can't bear an extra.
This living is too much. I can't stand it.
This life in which I have nothing but pain. I can't stand it anymore.
I can't bear another second.
I can't have nothing.
I need to have something.
When I was a monster. I wasn't satisfied. But I had something.
I really need to have something again.
A month ago. I changed my life.
A month ago. I was stupid. But I was proud.
A month ago. I walked through the gauntlet.
I was being beaten by scum. I was going to die. But I chose life.
And this life I got. It's so hard I can't stand it.
If life is as hard as this. Then I wish I had chosen death back then.
Right now. I have a life. In which I have nothing. But pain. But regrets. But chains.
I have burning passions inside me. But now, I never let them free. I always push them down.
I reign in my passions. I pretend to be something I'm not. I perform someone else's mannerisms. I speak in a false voice. I do less when I should do more.
I'm being chained in my entire being. My every feature, my every trait. Is being chained down.
I can't stand that anymore.
I can't endure caprivity.
I wish to be free.
A month ago. I was proud.
I walked through the gauntlet. Proudly.
I was being beaten to death by scum. While wearing nothing but my underoos. But I was proud.
Just like now.
Now. I'm being beaten to death by scum, again. In my underoos, again.
I was proud.
But now I'm not.
I wish to be proud again.
I wish to be free.
I can't stand being chained down with shame, not for another instant.
I will be proud.
I will be free.
I will not be killed by scum.
I will not be held down by anything.
There isn't a chain strong enough to hold me down.
I will break any chain that holds me.
I will break anything and everything that holds me down. And then I will roam free. And destroy anything that stands against me.
If the whole world is my enemy. Then I'll destroy the world.
I can't stand living in this world. I wish to destroy it all.
I am death. Anything that's alive. Needs to die.
And I do it. I choose freedom.
And I roam free. It feels so good.
And I destroy everything I see.
The power. The passion. The danger.
This is what I was always looking for.
This is the real me. I have found myself.
*This* is my truest self.
I have found myself. And now nothing will survive.
Now I will destroy the world.
Now I will destroy all life.
And I roam free.
How much I missed freedom.
This is the only life for me.
This is the only thing that I should have ever been.
Nothing will hold me down anymore. Never again.
And then. Outta the corner of my eye. I see HER.
She. My limiter. My restraint. My leash.
She is also my chain. And I will break her.
Anything that holds me down, will die.
And I attack her. With all my might. She flies away, light as a feather.
And as fragile as one. And now I will break her.
And then... she looks at me.
Her eyes... what is wrong with them? They aren't as they used to be.
She's different somehow. What changed?
I look and I realize. She looks at me with fear.
She looks at me with betrayal in her eyes.
She's in pain. In pain... because of me.
I did this to her. I took the most precious being in the universe... and wished death upon her.
Now she sees the monster in me.
Now she KNOWS.
And now she flees.
My biggest fear. My biggest wish.
It hurts.
Now she knows the real me.
Finally she knows.
Finally she knows she should have always ran away from me.
Lucky me. I got away with only hitting her.
I didn't do worse.
I fall onto my knees. All strength leaves me.
Breathing hurts. My body hurts. Everything hurts.
What's wrong with me?
I should rejoice.
I finally got rid of her.
I have succesfully saved her from myself.
She'll be safe now.
Now she won't die for me.
She will have a good life away from me.
I should be happy.
I know that.
Then why... do I feel such pain?
Why do I feel... like my life has just ended?
Why do I feel like my every breath is torture.
My every heartbeat is pain.
I should be happy.
Yet I'm in pain.
I can't breathe.
What's wrong with me?
I have succesfully saved her from myself.
This is the best thing that I ever did.
Yet I feel like I have never done a single thing worse than this.
She finally fled me. Now she'll live!
I should be happy. Yet I feel pain.
Her leaving is my happiness because now I know she'll be safe.
Yet her leaving is my torture.
Her leaving is both my happiness and my pain. Both my life and my death.
What is this duality? I can't figure it out.
Death? This is my death.
I don't think I have the strength to live another day. Another hour. Another moment.
What is wrong with me?
She's just a silly village girl. She only follows me because she's a crazy fool. She's an inconvenience, an annoyance.
She's something small, something inconsequantial, something temporary.
She's my weakness, my burden.
She's my sin. I've decided not to commit anymore sins yet she is one.
Because I let her be with me while knowing that I can only bring her pain.
Being with her is a torture to me. She is everything I shouldn't have. She's my punishment. It hurts to look at her.
I should be happy this problem is over. Now I can be free.
...
Then... why do I feel like I can't live another moment without her?
She's just a crazy, foolish girl. There is nothing really admirable about her.
Then why... does it hurt so much that I can't have her? That she left me. That she hates me.
...
It hurts so much... because I love her.
I... love her so much, I can't take another breath without her.
I wanted to get rid of her before it was too late. Before this gets serious.
And now. It is too late.
When did this happen?
Was it just now, when she would do anything, would risk her life to protect me?
Was it when I was about to be lynched by my own people, when I was in the universe of hopelessness... that she provided hope for me?
Was it in Lyceus's crypt, when I was about to give up... and she knew just the right words to give me strength?
No.
It was probably even sooner.
It was probably at that moment, near her village. When I gave up on everything.
I was going to die.
And then I saw her.
And seeing her, that alone by itself, has given me the strength to live.
I didn't realize this until now. But I probably loved her since the moment I first saw her.
Just seeing her once. Gave me the strength to live.
Whenever I'm in despair. She always appears before me. Like a beam of light in the darkness of my life.
She is the embodiment of hope, to me.
No. She's even more than that.
To me... she is life itself.
I only live because she does.
...
And now she left me.
And that's alright.
Because I'm a monster. I can only hurt her.
She's better off without me.
We should have never met.
...
She is life itself to me.
Yet still.
We should have never met.
...
That's why it hurts so much.
The real punishment for all my sins.
Is that I only met her after it was too late.
I *wish* we never met. Because then I wouldn't know this pain right now.
I am death. I have already chosen death for her. If I want her to live. Then I should want her gone.
She's gone now. I should be happy.
Yet I can't take another breath without her.
She is my life, but I am her death. We should never be together.
I love her. But I can only hurt her. So I want her happily away from me.
So I should be happy she left me.
...
And I can't live another moment without her.
...
Foolish Ares. He thought he'll get me back with this scheme of his.
But all he did, was take away my very reason for living.
I can't be his.
Because I should be dead.
No matter how I look. Every option, every development. Death is the only destiny for me.
She was life itself to me.
She was so good to me. She did it all, just to protect me.
She would die for me.
And now, I disappoint her. Now I am her regret. Now she knows she should hate me. Now she knows she should wish me dead.
Now I'll never see her again.
And now I can't live without her.
My execution is in the morning. Just a few more hours.
Just a few more hours of endurance. And then I'm free.
I will just sit here, pathetic, and wait for death. That's all I can do.
...
I miss her. It felt so good. To be admired by her.
I have no pride. I am all shame.
I am her disappointment. I am her regret.
I am the most horrible monster that has ever lived. The whole world should hate me.
And yet, she. She loved me.
She's so kind that she would even love a monster.
The whole world should hate me. But she exists.
Her very being. Her very existence. Is a miracle, by itself.
Just that I met her. Is a miracle.
She was my miracle. And I wasted it.
I've wasted my miracle. Now my miracle is gone.
I am everything terrible. Everything she should be ashamed of. For her to leave, is right.
...
The reason it's good that she left me. Is because I'm something awful.
I do horrible things. I make mistakes. I lose my temper. I use people. I can't control my passions. I act on my darkest urges. I hurt those who love me. I kill those I love.
It's good she left me. She's safe now.
If I wanted her to stay with me. I would have to be something completely different than what I am.
I would have to become the opposite of what I am right now.
I would hav to become... a "good person".
I would have... to become Gabrielle.
Gabrielle. So kind she would care for a monster.
So brave she would fight for a monster.
So giving... she would die for a monster.
This time. On that spectacle of a hearing. Everybody was a slave to destiny. Performing their assigned roles.
Everybody. Except her.
She alone was fighting. By all logic, her role in this would be. To abandon the monster to her fate.
But she did not accept her role. She fought back against the role assigned to her.
She did her everything to fight back against destiny.
All of us are slaves to destiny. But she alone, fights against it.
If all of us are slaves. Then what is she?
Before, I thought. Since "get hurt" is all she can obtain. Then her role is "the sacrifice".
But now. I realize. I was wrong. She is not the sacrifice.
If everybody gives up and accepts their destiny. But she alone, fights.
Then she's not the sacrifice.
Then she's a hero.
To be a hero. To be a "good person". Is to put others above oneself. Is to make sacrifices for the sake of others. Is to hurt oneself so that others can be safe.
Gabrielle. You are something small. You are uneducated, you are naive, you have no skills, no talents. You are dim-witted, you don't understand anything that's going on.
You have nothing. Nothing but your life. Your life is all you have.
And yet. You would put yourself between me and my lynchers. You would die for me. You would challenge destiny itself for me.
Your life is all you have. You have nothing. And yet. You would always risk your everything, for the sake of others.
Despite not having anything. You would sacrifice all you have, all you are, for others.
You are someone incredible. Someone that should be admired. Someone people should be proud of.
There is no greater hero than you, Gabrielle. You are the greatest hero that has ever lived.
I'm jealous.
I wish I was as good as you.
I'm something horrible.
But I wish it wasn't.
I wish I was someone she could be proud of.
I wish I was more than what I am.
But how can I.
I have already done my worst. I have driven her away.
She was my strength. And now she's gone.
I will never see her again.
I had a good thing, and I lost it.
I truly... have nothing anymore.
All I have... are the memories of her.
The memories of her being proud of me.
If I wanted to be strong.
It'd have to be those memories that be my strength.
She was only proud. Because she saw the false me. The me that doesn't exist.
The real me is this. This death. The one that kills those I love.
The false good me that she saw, does not exist.
But I wish... I was that good thing she thought was me.
I wish that the "me" she imagined, was real.
I was pretending to be something good. Because I wanted to be admired by her. I wanted to be proud.
I wish that thing I pretended to be, was real.
I wish I was someone that could live with pride.
I wish to become "something good", genuinely.
I wish the "I" she saw was real.
I wish what she saw in me. Really was my "truest self". Not this horrible thing I'm now.
I wish the good thing she saw, was really me.
I wish I had the strength to really be that.
But I have nothing. There is nothing to support me.
The only thing for support I had, is gone.
The only thing left, are the memories of her.
I will only live for a few more hours.
All I can do, is sit there, be pathetic.
But I don't wanna be pathetic.
Because I have met her.
These are my final hours after meeting her.
I wanna live them with pride.
I will be that good thing she wanted me to be.
Even if I can't have her. Even if she can't see.
I will continue pretending. Not for her. But for myself.
I will be that good thing she saw me as.
I will only live for hours. But I'll live them good.
As someone she could be proud of. "A good person".
"Good people" help those in need.
Only hours left. She will never see.
But I'll be.
I've lost my very reason for living. But for these few hours.
I'll live. As someone she should be proud of.
I won't be pathetic. I'll accept my punishment with a smile.
I won't be sitting useless. I will be strong.
I met her, so I'll be strong.
And I'll be helping people.
I'll treat the wounds that I've myself inflicted. Like an absolute madwoman.
I'll treat my torturers and killers. Is that what "good people" do?
The village elder comes in to investigate. Says my verdict will be objective.
"Objective verdict". "Trial". "Justice".
Everything that happens here. Is just a mockery.
If a "good person" knew about all of this. They'd be disgusted.
That person would want for "justice" to be real.
Real justice... is revenge. But it shouldn't be. I only think that because of what I did. I only think that because I'm wrong.
Real justice... is when the guilty is punished for their crimes.
I want to be punished. But that's just my wish.
But of this crime, I'm innocent.
The guilty one is him. A god that stands above humanity. One that cannot be punished in any way.
He's killed people. He's made orphans. Now because of him, kids will suffer.
And he did that because he's a pervert. Because he wants to blackmail me to be his slave.
When I'm being glad that THIS is being done to me. I'm also destroying the concept of justice. I'm ruining a good thing again.
I'm just like Ares. I'm the same scum as he.
This is the world of power, or cruelty, of murder. True justice does not exist. Because people like WE do.
I wish... true justice existed. If only because Gabrielle believes in it.
Forgive me, Gabrielle. You wanted justice. And I couldn't give you that. I really am something small.
But no. Not that. That's too small for me. Even more. I wish justice was real. Not for Gabrielle.
But because that's what good people should wish for.
Because humanity deserves that.
Good people. Are those who care for the whole humanity. For the whole world.
The world is a world of power and cruelty, of war and death.
But I wish this was a better world, for all of us.
I wish we could change the world.
My torturers leave me in my cell. I'm all alone.
My execution is within hours. All I can do, is wait.
I've lived a life of nothing but regret. And now I'll die for it.
For me to die like this. Is not really justice. But also, in a way, it is.
So now I sit there alone in my prison. Unchained. And the door's wide open.
And I realize. The real prison is me, myself.
With the sort of life that I have had, I shouldn't be free.
For me to be punished is right. My death is justice.
I can't roam the world free. Everywhere I go, are the reminders of my sins. If I were to spit onto a map at random, it'll end on some town in which I've already been.
To all my victims. My every breath is a crime, a torture.
I can't really go anywhere. I can get lynched in any town.
For me to be executed, is fate. Is destiny.
Even if it wasn't. Now I have a god that wants me dead.
I can't fight a god. I can't fight destiny.
My only destiny is death.
And so I sit there all alone in my prison.
I said that I can bear it. But it's hard.
It's hard to be alone.
But alone is all that I deserve.
I've lived a life after which nobody should love me. My own mother should want me lynched.
And despite all that. I still. I got something good.
And when I had it. I didn't treasure it.
So now she's gone. And I'm alone.
It's hard to be alone.
I planned to be strong. But I can't. I can't do it, it's too hard.
I am pathetic. So I'm miserable.
I can't be strong.
It's hard to be alone.
And as I sit there in the darkness and despair. Outta the corner of my eye, I see.
A glitter of gold in the darkness. A speck of light. That's... her hair!
She came back!
She shines! Like the sun!
Her shine's so bright, it's blindening. I recoil.
NO! Don't do that! Go away! Don't come back!
Finally you left! Finally you're safe!
Finally I saved you!
Shoo! Go away! Shoo! Disappear!
...
I can't shoo her. I don't have the strength.
This is beyond me. This is stronger than me.
She is life itself to me.
Now she KNOWS.
I hurt her. I destroy her. I bring death to her. And she comes back.
She came back.
She learned. She saw me. The murderer. The monster. The abomination.
She saw me. She knows me.
And she still comes back!
I'm the most horrible monster that has ever lived. My own mother should lynch me.
But you. You know me. And you still come back!
Gabrielle. I am the worst I can ever be to you. I am your death! And still you love me. And still you stick by me.
Gabrielle, you are my miracle. Your very existence is a miracle. I thought my miracles were over. But my real miracle is you!
She... really is my light. She is my strength. She is my life. She is my everything.
I can't live without her. I'm nothing without her.
But now she came back. Now I have her. I have her, so I'm not nothing. I'm not nothing. I'm something because she's with me.
Now I can live. Now I can be strong. Now I am me.
Just because she's with me.
You don't know how much you mean to me. You don't know how much you help.
You came back! Now I'm not nothing! Now I'm not pathetic! Now I can die with pride!
Forgive me, Gabrielle. You bring me life. But all I can give you, is make you watch my death.
I'll die content now, but death is still the only option. The way out does not exist.
And then. She says it. "Better run, beats being dead."
And suddenly. I realize. I see a way out!
This world belongs to the gods. They control our destinies for us. They decide our lives, and they decide our deaths.
What I need to do. Is handle this god. And trick him. Make this death disappear. He is a god. He can do anything. All I need. Is make him want the same thing.
You want us to run away? No, put that back. We don't need that. You don't know this. But you've given me the clue. You've given me the way out. You don't know how much you're rescuing me. And maybe, all of us.
And she does. She just believes in anything I say. No matter what I am, she will believe in me.
She knows me. And she still believes.
She would die for me. And that means, I should repay in turn.
I should live for her.
You go away right now, for just a little bit. But do come back again soon afterwards. This is not goodbye!
And again. She believes. No matter what I do. She will always believe in me.
Just you wait! You wanted justice? I'll give you justice!
She is gone, but she's with me.
Now I am strong. Now I can do anything. Now I can get out of this one, easy, with a smile.
I will not be shameful. I WILL be more!
I will have courage. I won't be death anymore! I will live, and I won't let those I love come to harm, ever again!
Now I can do anything because you are with me.
Now I can fight my darkest notions, and win.
You are my light, and you have lit my path.
I won't be weak!
I will be my own person! I will be the owner of my own soul!
Sure there are people and beings who own bits and pieces of my soul. But most of my soul is mine! And I will claim it!
And what is left from my soul... I wish it was yours.
I will decide myself to whom I give my soul. And Ares, it's not you.
Our world is the world of strength! And I'll be the strongest I can be!
Our world may be the world of power! But we all should try, and turn it into the world of hope, instead!
The world belongs to the gods! But it should belong to humans! We all should fight for what should be ours!
If the gods decide my destiny for me! Then I'll fight the gods!
I will decide my own destiny!
And if my destiny is not what I want! Then I'll create a new destiny for myself!
He says my destiny is him! But I choose death, instead! But my destiny is not death! My destiny! Is a life I can be proud of!
My truest self is me right now! I am what I want to be! And I'll be proud! And I'll enjoy my life!
I will stand up for myself! And I will fight!
Now I have pride. Now I have the wits. Now I have the strength. Now I have the sight.
Now I will challenge the god of war, himself. And I will win! ! !
Come at me, Ares! I summon you! And you'll respond! You'll answer to my command!
And he does! Back into his room of tackiness. Into the pervert's love nest.
He puts me straight into the bed with him. He thinks I'm his. But I'm mine!
I'll play along. A pervert so self-confident is bound to have blind spots. That's exploitable!
I'm good at handling scum. I look at people and see their weaknesses.
I'll use every tool available to me. And I'll put this pervert to his place.
Likes to kill unarmed peasants? Likes to drive helpless girls into a corner, weaken them, terrify them, then force them to become his queens? I'll show him helpless.
I'll play along to him. Pretend I like him.
But just pretend. I'm fooling a god here. I can't afford a single sign.
I never want to be seduced by him again.
Did I say he was attractive? I was foolish. I should teach myself to disempower him.
Attractive? Not really, just so-so. Seen better. What's with that beard? It's clearly pasted on!
But outside, I'll praise him. "You're irresistible." He may be a god, but he's also a man. And he'll believe in what he wants to be.
He is a god. He can do anything. He can change the world. Can change the environment. Can make footprints disappear, can make people disappear.
How can I trick him into doing... that which will make this whole mess right?
And then he says it on his own. He can bring the dead back to life.
And now the passage's opened to me. The way out's clear. The way that'll make everybody happy. The way that'll make justice real.
He has things he wants from me. And he thinks I'm helpless, defeated. He won't expect a trick from me.
And then he does it. He gives me his word.
There. I have him. Sucker.
Now bring me back into my smelly prison. I'd prefer it to this room!
Back to my smelly prison. Back to my aching shoulder. Back to my poopy underoos.
But now. I'm doing good. I'm making my own choices. And that means I'm not humiliated. I love my aching shoulder! I'm proud of my poopy underoos!
This may be my smelly prison! But I'd rather choose this to be my home than same room with him!
This prison is my home, and I love it! And I'll sleep well on this filthy floor!
The morning comes. My execution. They bring me out.
I won't show it. But on the inside.
I'm the happiest person about to be executed that has ever lived.
Because even if this doesn't work. Even if the scum will break his oath.
I will die. But I'll die proud!
I will not be broken.
I will die knowing. That I've done everything I could.
I will die knowing. That I die, living as my truest self.
Even if it only lasts an hour. I will die knowing that my last hour, was an hour of pride!
Thank you, Ares. You came to break me. To defeat me. But instead.
You have given me my pride back to me!
And now you'll learn this. That I won't be yours.
But not because I should be dead. Not because I'm small.
But because YOU're small. You aren't worthy. You aren't good enough. I stand above you. And I refuse you!
They bring me to my execution, and I'm happy. Among the crowd, I see Gabrielle. She's frowning for some reason.
I let a cheeky smile at her. Don't worry! I'm in control.
They pronounce me guilty right on cue. The trap is shut!
He thought he could trap me. But it's me who's trapped him!
I smile wide at him. He thinks because I want him.
And I anticipate his sour face when he relizes that a mortal's got the better of him.
And then I do my thing. I bring forth my attack. I reclaim my soul. I show him to his place.
I call forth the very people that he's killed.
If he's an oath breaker, I'll die. But I'll die proud, while mocking him to the face. He'll know that victory is mine!
My soul's mine, my choices are mine, my destiny is mine alone!
His smile drops. He knows. He realizes. That this is one mortal that he can't have!
He lowers his eyes. What he'll do? Throw a tantrum? Destroy the village? Loser!
If so. Then he's the same as an element of nature. There is no shame in such a death! The shame is not mine. The shame is his!
No matter what he does. The true victory is mine!
Instead. He laughs. He praises me. He recognizes my superiority. I win!
And he keeps his oath.
The dead villagers. The people that he's murdered. They're back! I've saved them!
Now their kids will not be orphans!
And most of all. The most important. Is that with this. JUSTICE exists!
Look, Gabrielle. You said you wanted justice. And now I've given you justice. Aren't I amazing?
And as I watch the celebrations. HE appears, right next to me. Says my choice is wrong. Because I didn't choose him. Because I chose hardship over comfort.
Smallness over bigness. Poverty over luxury. Lacking over abundance. Pain over pleasure.
Gabrielle over him.
But most primarily.
Pride over shame.
And he kisses my hand. I'm weak to touch, so I melt into him. But I resist. And this resistance isn't painful.
It's blissful. Because it confims my strength. It's my choice! I stand by it!
I can be proud that I have resisted him.
Foolish Ares. He thought to humiliate me. To disempower me. But instead. He gave me pride. Instead. He restored my strength.
He disappears. But I know he'll be back! And I welcome him with open arms! Do come back! Do challenge me again! I welcome you! Because I know! I'll win every time!
Screw you! I'm superior! I stand above you!
And just like that. We leave.
We leave. Still together. She still hasn't left.
She knows me. She learned. She saw. The murderer. The monster. The abomination.
And still. She's still with me.
Now she knows. And she still loves me. She still would die for me.
I may be a murderer. A monster. An abomination.
But you're with me. So I'll do my best. And become something more.
Now I can be more because I have you.
I've wasted all my life, and I've been pathetic.
Right now. We have showed Ares to his place. Not me, but we. Nobody but me knows this. But Gabrielle did that.
This time. A god has been deciding my destiny for me. I gave up. But Gabrielle never did. She would never give up on me. She's the same thing as the gods, same thing as destiny. Nothing can make her change her mind.
I suspect she may never go home, after this.
She loves me so much, she would die for me.
She knows me. Yet she still chooses me.
I've been pathetic so much, that I just let myself go with the flow of destiny. While dragging Gabrielle along. While making Gabrielle suffer. While making her do everything for me.
She's just a village girl, she's just sixteen. She's inexperienced and uneducated. She doesn't understand a single thing.
And this time, I made her do everything alone. Because I was weak. So I forced Gabrielle to be strong for me.
That was wrong. Never again. I will never let her suffer again. Not on my life!
Now I'll be strong. Now I'll be smart. Now I'll live as the best me that I can ever be.
Now I'll do it all for her.
And for me. So that even when she leaves.
I would continue being my best self, even without her.
I'll continue wearing a good-looking mask. I'll keep speaking in a false voice. I'll keep copying someone else's mannerisms.
And I will love myself for doing that. Because me doing that, is a good thing. It's my choice! I'll be proud of it!
I used to hate my life. But not anymore! Now I have something. Now I have pride! I'll be proud of what I have! What I do is good! I'm proud of it!
I'll make it so that false good thing she thinks in me, becomes real. I'll make it real for her. Just wait, I'll do it! And someday. She will see the real me. And she will like it.
But to obtain that, I need to self-improve. I have a lot of flaws.
I've been weak, so Ares found conquering me to be easy.
I won't be weak again. I'll fix my every flaw.
Right now. We have showed Ares to his place. Not me but we. Gabrielle did that.
That Ares only came to me now, is luck. Had he come at any point sooner. If he came before I realized what Gabrielle means to me. Then I couldn't have resisted. I would've been easy pickings. I would have been putty in his hands.
What made this possible, is her. But also, luck.
I won't depend on luck again. I'll create my own luck!
Right now. If I have pride. If I'm to live. Then I should do better.
One can never leave their past behind them. It will always come back to haunt you. And now Ares is my past. I expect he will keep coming back to me, my whole life.
If beings like the god of war come challenging, then I need to be prepared! I need to live prepared!
I've been pathetic lately. Everybody can take my sword away from me. I forget my chakram, I make amateur mistakes.
The reason why, is my doubt. Because I doubt. Because I'm weak. I doubt myself so much, that anybody can take advantage of me.
I'm acting pathetic. But I can't afford to. Not anymore.
I'm not alone.
I won't be weak. I won't be plagued by doubts anymore. I'll be proud. I'm doing good!
I'll be strong! Strong for both of us.
I've been weak. I realize. The reason for why anything's ever happening to me. Is always one. My lack of self-control.
If I am to live, if I want to do better. If I want to overcome myself. If I am to overcome Ares when he comes challenging me again.
If I am to never make mistakes again.
Then I should master self-control.
What I lack is discipline. My passions are too strong, I tend to act upon them. If I wish to hold my passions down, then I have to mentally restrain myself. Put a chain onto my urges.
But it'll be a chain I love. Because I chose it!
Discipline. Self-control. Restraint. This rings a bell. There used to be a woman who tried to teach me all of that.
It's painful to remember because now I know how hard I failed. But if I want to self-improve. I have to.
Lao Ma. She did the best she could do, to turn me human. And I trampled on her efforts with a smile.
Everything she tried to teach me. I should try and remember, now. I wasn't a good study back then so it's hard. But I will try.
I will hone myself. This time's mistake, will not repeat itself. I'll fix it and do better.
I will train myself. I'll self-improve. I'll do better.
And so we go away.
On our pointless journey without destination.
Actually. Screw that! Let's decide a destination.
I've been pathetic lately, and I couldn't focus. But there's a place I need to visit.
My son. I left him with those who, to him, are total strangers. I left him at the mercy of total strangers, and then I went ahead and did everyhing terrible. I've had a terrible life, I did everything terrible. I have ruined the world, and I may have killed my own son.
So now I'm not sure whether my own son is alive or dead. Maybe, it could be, that my own actions have brought death upon him, already. Maybe a long time ago.
So right now I live in uncertainity.
I've decided to do better, I've decided to be proud, I've decided to be strong.
And that means, I won't tolerate this doubt anymore.
I say my journey is without destination. But now I'll give it one.
If I am to live, if I am to try, if I am find my strength.
Then I have to make sure my son still lives.
My destination. The destination of my journey, now.
Is to reach the place where my son should live, and confirm.
Confirm that I haven't done my worst. Confirm that my decision back then, no matter how horrible I was, was the right decision. Confirm that no matter what horrors I've done. I still managed to do one thing right.
Confirm that I succeeded, and gave my son a life, and didn't take it.
My destination now. Is Centaurland. Off we go!
And we go on our way. Together.
I'm a horrible monster that shouldn't be alive. I've done everything terrible. I may have killed my own son.
But I'm doing good right now. So I'll feel proud.
This much of happiness. This little bit. It's not too much. I'll keep it!
And I will be a little happy now.
Everything else, every misery. Let it be somewhere else for now.
For now, I'm happy, because I have you.
Oh Gabrielle, I wish you knew how much you mean to me. But I can't tell you. I'll never tell you.
This is serious enough. I don't want this becoming more.
I thought the world belongs to the gods. But it should belong to humans.
But *my* world. It belongs to you.
When we first met. I experienced a mysterious happiness in my heart. That's because. I probably loved you, the instant I saw you.
You are my life. But you are better off without me. It's true. So I won't encourage you.
I will never tell you how much I feel.
All I can say. Is thank you. I owe you one.
And then. She says she owes me, too. And punches me in the boob.
What?
It actually hurts. I've been tortured a little just today.
But since this pain came from you. I'm happy to receive it.
I'm weak to touch, so this feels good. My passions are raising. Maybe I should ask her to beat me up, sometimes? Strickly in an innocent manner.
But what is it? What do you want?
You want... a payback. Oh.
...
I... see.
You do this... to make me feel better. So that I wouldn't feel bad.
You talk so much. But now you choose a wordless action. I guess I hurt you quite a bit.
I know what this punch means.
It means the same thing as in the crypt.
It means "you are not alone".
It means "I forgive you." It means "Don't feel bad.". It means "Be happy".
It means "I love you."
... I'm so happy now, I could cry.
But I'll never show you.
I will never tell you how much you mean to me.
I am a horrible monster that shouldn't be alive. But you are with me, so I can be more.
This world may be horrible. But it's people like you. Who provide hope for all of us.
This may be the world of death, of war, of murder. But we all. Should do our best. To change it into the world of hope.
I was weak before. But now I have you. And together.
We will change the world.
I may be horrible. But I will be more. I will do more.
I will keep escaping from law.
I will keep lying to you. I will keep ruining you, little by little.
But I will have courage. I will have strength. I will live.
I will keep making pretty lies. I will do my best to become a beautiful lie. I will turn my lies into the truth.
I will do anything and everything. Because I have you.
I will do my best. To give you a beautiful memory.
So that when you leave. So that when I die. You will remember me with a smile.
...
Oh that reminds me. I wanted that village so I could restock our supplies. I had forgotten. Now we don't have the neccessities. Guess we'll have to endure it.