Maya couldn't fall asleep that night. She tossed around and stared at the ceiling until she couldn't take it anymore. She got up quietly, so she wouldn't wake up her friend and walked into the living room where Josh was laying asleep. She walked to the couch and set on the coffee table next to him. She watched him sleep for a while. She wondered if telling him will still count if he was asleep. After all, Riley never specified the terms of their agreement. Maya knew she was grasping for nothing here, but her heart beat so loudly in her chest and she heard buzzing in her ears and she knew that there is no way tonight ends with Josh knowing the truth. But she had to get her piece of mind.
"Josh?" She whispered. "Can you hear me?" He didn't respond so she continued.
"I am such a coward. I know that. But you scare the shit out of me. I am not afraid of anything. I am strong and fearless and yet my knees buckle every time I hear your voice and my heart pounds so fast when you are near me that I think there is something medically wrong me. And that scares me. I am not used to this feeling. It's new to me and it terrifies me. I don't want to be in love. Especially not with you, but I have no choice. And I know you don't feel the same way. I get it and it's fine. But I can't risk telling you if there is even the slightest chance that it may ruin this friendship. Because I am okay with not having you as my boyfriend but I wouldn't be able to breathe if you weren't my friend and if we didn't talk at all." She paused as her lower lip quiver. Tears felt heavy in her eyes and she tried her best to not let them roll down her cheeks.
"You are a very sound sleeper." She joked and smiled to herself. She stayed for another minute just looking at him. He looked so peaceful. She felt a little creepy being there when he wasn't aware of her presence so she went back to bed and this time she fell asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow.
XXXXXX
Riley woke up to find her best friend sleeping next to her. She tried to wait up for her but she was too tired. Riley couldn't wait to hear what happened between her friend and Josh.
"Wake up!" She screamed and shook Maya's shoulder. "What happened? Did you tell him? Are you in love?"
Maya opened her eyes and smacked Riley's hand until her best friend let her go. "I told him." She lifted her upper body and sat next to Riley who squealed in excitement.
"But there is a slight chance he was asleep." She said, almost as a whisper.
"But we agreed!" Riley screamed.
"I am sorry, but technically, you never said he needs to be awake." Maya argued her case.
"I can't believe you. We had a deal." Riley said, sounding hurt. She stepped off of the bed and headed to the bathroom. Maya followed her before she could leave the room.
"I am sorry. I tried. I really did. I almost told him but then… I just couldn't. Please understand." Maya said apologetically.
"I don't understand. Why is it so hard for you to open up and let anyone in? I am trying to help you but you won't let me. I made the stupid bet so you could tell Josh and maybe be happy for once in your life." Riley said in anger.
"Like it's so easy." Maya didn't feel the need to apologize anymore. "How dare you? I didn't grow up like you. I didn't have Cory and Topanga who loved each other since the age of two. I didn't have parents who loved me and supported me no matter what. Instead I had an alcoholic father and a depressed mother who when they weren't screaming at each other, weren't talking at all. Your father had to teach me how to ride a bike. Your mom brought the cookies for bake sales in my name. The only memories of my dad I have involve him yelling or throwing glass bottles." She got angrier and her voice got louder. "So you don't get to tell me I need to be happy and open up because every time I smile at you or tell you something personal I am going against everything I know and everything I am! Every day I get out of the bed and put on a clean pair of underwear is a victory for me. I can't tell him. Because I can't handle one more disappointment. I can't lose the small number of friends I have. So back off."
Riley was flabbergasted after Maya's speech. She knew about Maya's past and what kind of childhood she had but Maya never talked about it. And Riley didn't realized it was still bothering her. But of course it was. How silly of her to think things like that just go away like that. Maya was right about Riley. Riley was sheltered from everything bad in the world, wrapped up in her parents love where she was safe. And she just realized Maya never had that. And it made her feel guilty.
"I..." Riley stuttered. "I am so sorry. I forget…you are always so strong I forget what you went through. I have no right to push you."
"No, I'm sorry." Maya retorted. She knew Riley meant well. "I know you only push me because you want what's best for me and a lot of times I am thankful for that, but you are not always right. Sometimes it's just too much."
"I feel so bad. I had a great time with Lucas last night and I ruined your night by pushing you too hard." Riley felt like the worst friend in the world.
"It wasn't a bad night. I had a lot of fun last night. It was nice to be just the two of us." Maya said.
"Do you want to talk about your parents? Or anything else that's bothering you?" Riley offered.
"No. I am fine. Seriously. There is nothing we need to talk about." Maya assured her.
"I am a very good listener. And you can always talk to me. We can…"
"You're pushing again." Maya interrupted her.
"What is wrong me?" Riley questioned.
"Nothing. It's just who you are. And I love who you are." Maya told her and smiled.
The two girls hugged and everything felt right again. Maya and Riley were always going to be in each other's lives. Friends like these don't come around often, maybe once in a life time if you are lucky and they both knew that no matter how many times they fight or disagree with each other, they will always be there when the other one needs them. Who needs a boy when you have that?
XXXXXX
Breakfast at Matthews went on as usual that morning. Topanga made bacon and eggs and Cory questioned everyone on how they were going to spend their Saturday. Maya and Riley sat next to each other in silence, as Auggie told them about the date he had planned with Ava. Josh was sitting across from Maya and he didn't lift his head from his plate. Maya didn't eat much, she mostly shifted food around her plate.
"Why are you two so quiet? You're never this quiet? What's wrong?" Cory turned to the girls, noticing their out of order behavior.
"Nothing's wrong." Riley assured them with a smile.
"We're just tiered." Maya added.
"We came home after all of you fell asleep and we got up before everyone else and we are still able to smile and talk to our family during breakfast." Cory stated.
"Leave them alone." Topanga defended them. "They'll talk when they're ready. They always do."
"There is nothing to say." Maya jumped in. "For once we have nothing going on."
"Well, I have a date today." Riley said and her cheeks got red, very fast. She looked at her plate, avoiding everyone's eyes. They all looked at her.
"Honey, "Topanga chirped. "That's great. Why didn't you tell us sooner?"
"Who is this strange young man? How did you meet? Do we know him?" Cory question with his best authority voice.
Riley started to blush even harder. She couldn't tell her parents she got drunk and made out with him at a bar. Her poor father would probably have a heart attack if he knew the truth.
"I introduced them. At the bar we went to last week." Maya jumped in to save her drowning friend.
"And how do you know him?" Topanga asked.
"He is a friend of a guy I know from my NYU art class. He's a freshman there. They both are." Maya delivered her lie with a nice red bowtie on top of it. After all, most of it was true, She's been taking art classes at NYU program all summer and the Matthews knew that she must have really knew the guy, so he wasn't just some stranger and he is only a year older so that's not a problem.
"Yap." Riley said nervously next to her friend.
"Why don't you invite him tonight? We'd love to meet him." Topanga said with a smile. Maya wasn't sure if she bought her lie.
"No offence mom, but until I figure out how I feel about him, no one's meeting him." Riley said sheepishly.
"We're not going to scare him off. We just want to get to know him and see if he is the right guy for you." Cory said.
"No offence, but you though Charlie was a nice guy and look how well that turned out." Riley reminded them.
"We don't know how that turned out because you never told us what happened between the two of you." Topanga reminded her.
Riley always talked openly with her parents. She never lied to them and they never lied to her. But somewhere on that road of honesty, Riley grew up but her parents failed to see that. Riley knew it was hard on them, as it is on any other parent to see their child grow up but Riley hated that they still saw her as a little child. And as a result, she saw herself the same way when she looked in their eyes. So she didn't talk to them about boys and dating or kissing and sex.
She only introduced them to Charlie because her dad already knew him from school, and even that was awkward enough. She couldn't imagine telling them how it ended and why. There are some things a kid doesn't share with her parents. That's why she had Maya.
"It doesn't matter what happened. We just weren't right for each other." Riley said and took a bite of her bacon. For someone who didn't lie to her parents, she was sure getting a lot of practice.
"I know there's something you're not telling us." Topanga said sadly. "I just wish you trusted us enough to tell us."
"Well, I will be here tonight as usual." Maya said in an attempt to change the subject.
"And I will come too." Josh added. "In fact, I was wondering if I could bring someone over?" He asked.
"Who?" Cory asked curiously.
"My girlfriend."
XXXXXX
Maya could've sworn her heart stopped beating. The words kept repeating in her mind.
My girlfriend. My girlfriend. My girlfriend.
Since when does he have a girlfriend? She could feel Riley's eyes burning a hole in the back of her head. She couldn't move. Her eyes were stuck on her plate like smeared eggs and pieces of bacon were a masterpiece wordy of Degas, her favorite painter. She couldn't hear Cory and Topanga express their excitement over the news or Josh telling them about his new girl, she could only paint a picture of the beautiful creature in her mind. She pictured her tall and gorgeous in every way Maya wasn't, the way she kisses and touches Josh in a way she was supposed to. She wondered about their first meeting and their first kiss. Maybe they already said they loved each other. Maybe they already started planning the wedding. Maybe she was pregnant or maybe they already eloped, how could she know how far along in the relationship they were.
How could he not have told her? They were sitting on the couch last night, they looked at the stars, they talked… Of course as friends. Only as friends.
Because she never told him. She spent two years loving him and dreaming about him. But she never told him. She had no right to feel cheated or disappointed. He didn't owe her anything.
She is probably a nice person too. Of course she is, Josh picked her. He wouldn't fall for her otherwise.
She could feel Riley's hand holding hers under the table. She didn't know how long Riley held her hand but she appreciated it. She took in a deep breath and gathered enough strength to look up at Josh. He was still talking about the girl. Maya smiled her best fake smile and said: "Congratulations."
She could fool everyone with her wide smile and big eyes but not Riley. Riley knew her. Riley knew she was falling apart.
"Want to help me pick up what to wear tonight?" Riley said as an excuse to get them away from the kitchen table.
Maya nodded and the two girls left the table.
XXXXXX
"I am going to cancel my date with Lucas. He'll understand." Riley said once they sat down on the bay window. The same bay window they always came to when they had trouble. There was something special they created at that seat, something only the two of them could understand.
"No, you're not. You're going on that date whether I have to drag you out there myself." Maya said.
"But you need me here." Riley insisted.
"I can handle myself tonight. You don't have to hold my hand through it." Maya responded.
"Then you say something came up and you can't come tonight after all." Riley started to make new plans.
"I have no excuse and I am always here. No one is going to believe I have somewhere better to go." Maya said.
"You're right." Riley hated to admit. "At least let me push the date for a couple hours so that I can be here when she comes."
"You don't have to do that." Maya said.
"I want to." Riley said. "Besides, I'll never be ready in time."
Maya smiled and nodded.
"Can we go to sleep now?" She asked. "I barely slept last night and I can really use some rest.
"Sure. I could use some rest too." Riley answered.
She texted Lucas to change their plans and then laid next to Maya. They both fell asleep immediately.
XXXXXX
When Riley opened her eyes, Maya was already raiding her closet in search of clothes that will make her look better than she ever had before. By the looks of it, she didn't have much luck, Riley thought.
She got up and joined her friend on the hunt for a perfect outfit for both of them.
"I don't know why I even bother. She looks like a model and I am going to look like a potato next to her." Maya said, annoyed.
"You've never even met her, you have no idea what she looks like." Riley chuckled.
"I just know it. My life works in a certain way. It's like Murphy's Law, where everything that can go wrong, will go wrong, except now they call it Maya's law." She explained.
Riley tried not to laugh, but failed. "Oh honey, I am so sorry." She said honestly. "But I bet you that there is no way she is going to be prettier than you." Riley assured her.
"You better be right." Maya said and picked out a red crop top to wear with a black high-waist skirt.
XXXXXXX
"Oh my god." Riley said when Amanda, Josh's new girlfriend walked in with him hand in hand. "She's like an upgraded version of you."
And she was right. Amanda was blond with blue eyes like Maya, but all the similarities stopped there. She was taller, skinnier, her teeth were whiter and even her voice sounded better. And most importantly, she was only two months younger than Josh.
"Damn you Amanda." She whispered to Riley. "Even I want to date her."
"Lucas can never meet her." Riley whispered back.
Amanda moved like an angel sent from heaven. Her movements were light, her skin was soft and she seemed very nice and smart for the first couple of minutes of their meeting.
They all took turns asking her questions. They were all curious.
"We are so excited to meet you. Josh only told us today that he has a girlfriend." Cory said.
"Josh keeps to himself a lot. I am really trying to get him out of his shell." Amanda said with a voice as sweet as honey.
"Are we talking about the same Josh?" Riley joked.
"So how did you guys meet?" Maya asked. She kept smiling and hopping no one would notice how hard this was for her.
"It's actually a funny story." Amanda started.
"I bet." Maya whispered so only Riley, who was sitting next to her could hear her.
"I was late for class and I was running down the hall." Josh started to tell the story.
"And I was on my way to the library to study." Amanda added.
"And I ran into her..."
"Literally…" Amanda laughed.
"And we both fell down. I fell on top of her…"
"And at first I was really mad and annoyed but then I looked into his eyes…"
"And I said 'I always thought this place was like hell and I never expected to meet an angel in hell.'"
"Which sounds very cheesy but it was actually very sweet." She said and looked at him the way Maya always pictured Josh would look at her.
Maya almost regretted asking the question. They were one of those couples that finished each other's sentences and they tell the story of their meeting like they've been telling it for years.
Maya felt like she was going to puke. "How lovely." She said instead.
"And how long have you been together?" Riley asked.
"About a month." Amanda answered with a big smile. "Time just flies when you're happy."
"How lovely." Maya said again. She had to stop saying that word.
Maya tried to hate her, but she couldn't. Amanda studied literature at NYU. She had three younger brothers that she has to raise by herself after her parents died when she was very young and she got a full scholarship to college based on her grades and her talent for writing. Mother Teresa had nothing on this girl.
Maya found herself wanting to be her when she grows up.
"Who's up for a game? Should we play scrabble?" Topanga offered after a couple of minutes of light chatter.
"I love scrabble." Amanda said with a big genuine smile.
"Of course she does." Maya whispered to Riley. They were all sitting in the living room. Amanda was sitting next to Josh and they were holding hands.
Topanga went to find the box for the game they were about to play.
Riley leaned in towards Maya and whispered: "It's still not too late. I can cancel."
"You can't cancel." She whispered back.
"I found the game. We can start now." Topanga announced her triumphant return.
"Take me with you." Maya whispered to her best friend.
"We have to come up with a good excuse." Riley whispered.
"Follow my lead." Maya said. She grabbed Riley's phone out of her hand and loudly exhaled: "Oh, no. You poor thing."
Everyone turned to face them.
"What's wrong?" Topanga asked.
"Her date just canceled. She is devastated." Maya said and turned to Riley who felt like a deer in headlights. She hated lying. Mostly because she was bad at it.
"Yes. I am devastated." She said in her best attempt to sound sad. Unfortunately, she sounded more like a programed robot.
"Yes, we should go get some ice cream to cheer you up. Great idea Mr. Matthews." Maya said over excitedly and pulled Riley off the chair and towards the door.
"Amanda it was lovely meeting you. Topanga, congratulations because let's face it, you're going to win at scrabble and Cory like always, full of good ideas. Don't wait up." And without giving anyone a chance to protest or ask questions, they were out and the doors behind them closed.
"So where are you meeting your boy toy?" Maya asked once all her boy problems stayed on the other side of that door.
"I wanted to take him to a picnic when we were supposed to meet at four, but now that it's almost seven, I told him to meet me at "Omalies' ".
"That cute Italian restaurant at the corner? Great, I'll walk you there on my way home." Maya said.
"You're coming with me. I am not leaving you alone." Riley put her foot down.
"I am not crashing your date." Maya meant it.
"You're not crashing. You're invited." Riley insisted.
"Sweetie, I know you don't know much about boys, but when they're on a date with you, they usually want to be with just you." Maya said.
Riley intertwined their arms and pushed her best friend out on the sidewalks of New York. "Well this boy will just have to deal. We're a package deal."
XXXXXX
"Omalies' " wasn't that special of a place but it had a big garden that made it one of the most magical places in New York at night. Maya and Riley arrived before Lucas. They sat at a table in the corner from where they could see all the people who passed by. A couple of minutes passed before Lucas showed up. Riley's whole face lid up when she saw him and Maya didn't miss that. She remembered the time Charlie used to make her smile like that. But there was something slightly different. Maybe her eyes sparkled a little harder or her smile was a little wider, Maya wasn't sure which.
They greeted each other with a long embrace. Maya wondered if Josh looked at Amanda the same way Lucas looked at Riley. And she asked herself if anyone was ever going to look at her like that.
"You remember Maya, right?" Riley said to Lucas.
"How could I forget. Hi." He held his hand out to her and Maya took it.
"I hope you don't mind if she joins us tonight. We had a bad day." Riley said with a hint of flirtation in her voice. Maybe she knew more about boys than Maya gave her credit for.
"Not at all. I am looking forward to getting to know your friend better." Lucas said with a huge smile and sat next to Riley and across from Maya. He seemed to be honest.
"You are either very understanding or extremely desperate." Maya said and Lucas laughed.
"I'll ask you at the end of the night which one do you think it is." He said.
"Maya, Lucas is a freshman at NYU and Lucas, Maya is taking art class at NYU." Riley shared with the group.
"You're an artist? That's amazing." Lucas sounded interested. "Are you planning to study art? NYU or some other college?"
"I don't know yet. I thought about applying somewhere abroad. I always liked the idea of traveling, maybe going far away from here." Maya said.
"A lot of bad memories?" Lucas asked her with a voice that said that maybe he knew what it felt like.
"Some good ones too." Maya said looking at Riley.
"I get wanting to run away. I couldn't wait to leave Texas. Don't get me wrong, I love it there, it's my home, but sometimes I just felt like I was…"
"Suffocating." Maya finished his sentence, knowing the feeling all too well herself.
"Exactly." Lucas said.
Maya didn't feel as weird sitting with them as she thought she would. Lucas seemed like a nice guy and he treated Riley right. She couldn't help but notice how they held hands the whole night. Riley seemed different around him. Maya didn't know how to explain it. The brunet had some new found poise and lightness to her that her friend never saw before. She looked like the hand she was holding so tenderly, took all the weight of the world off of her shoulders. Maya liked that. And not only was Lucas sweet and gentle with Riley, he seemed to have a general interest in what Maya had to say.
It was official, Maya approved. If she couldn't be happily in love, she was glad at least her friend got to be. And she could just live vicariously through her. For the rest of her life.
A/N: Hey guys. Sorry it took so long to update. I've been busy with college and when I had time I was stuck with a bad case of writers block. I think I've just been very tiered lately. Ninja Unicorn, abby wasy and everyone else, I hear you, I see you. Thank you so much for being invested in the story and liking it. You'll never know how much it all means to me. I am sorry I kept you waiting and hopefully it won't be so long before I post the next one.