"Hi." Josh got up as soon as he saw her.
"What are you doing here?" Maya asked, taking her headphones off, still surprised.
"We need to talk." He said. "And I wasn't sure you'd answer my call."
Maya felt like she couldn't catch her breath. He's doing it again. He's pulling her in. It's been a week and all it takes for her to crumble is his smile and a simple hello. "What do we need to talk about?"
"About everything. About me, you." Josh said. "Maybe even an 'us'."
Maya's ears were still ringing from the word 'us'. "What? What are you doing Josh?" Maya was exasperated and tired and she didn't feel like hiding it all from Josh anymore.
Josh looked slightly puzzled. "What do you mean?"
"I am so tired. Emotionally. Even more than usual. And I really can't do this. More importantly, I don't want to do this." Maya said in one breath.
"Do what?" Josh asked, still confused.
"This!" Maya yelled while pointing franticly at Josh and herself. "Whatever this is. You want to talk about us? Are you crazy? There is no us. There is me and then there is you and Amanda. That's it. And I am done. I am taking myself out from the equation. No more movie nights and no more coffee talks and no more flirting and then not flirting or whatever you call that thing that you do with me because it's not just being friendly and I really hope you're not doing it consciously because that would be pretty shitty. So just go back to Amanda and be happy and leave me alone because I am tired."
"I know you are." He said.
"No you don't." Maya said, almost through tears. "If you did, you wouldn't be here. You wouldn't be doing this."
Josh walked to her, cupped her face with his hands and pressed his forehead onto hers, even though Maya tried to push him away. "I know. I am so sorry it took me this long. I just wanted to do what's best for you. I'm sorry. I broke up with Amanda."
Maya looked him in the eye for the first time since he stood in front of her door.
"What?" Her face was colored with shock.
"Yeah. Last week." He said.
"Why?"
Josh took a deep breath and gathered enough courage to tell her everything. He waited for twenty minutes in front of her door. He thought about the perfect words he was going to use. He tried to count all the things he had to say to her. He was ready to sweep her off her feet. And now that she stood in front of him, his mouth was dry and his stomach was in knots.
"I didn't love her. I was with her because I though it was the fastest way to get over someone else. You see, I realized a few years ago that I had feelings for this girl who takes my breath away every time we are in the same room. But I am older then her and I knew her since we were kids and it always felt kind of wrong. But then she grew up and she was my best friend and I liked her even more but then for a while we didn't even talk. Then I met Amanda and she was great and she liked me so I tried it with her. And I thought since I have a girlfriend I can be your friend again, Maya, because now I could look at you as a friend and not as the only reason to wake up in the morning. But I failed. I failed real hard. And now I'm just rambling. You know, I was very eloquent with Lucas."
"Maybe he should be your next girlfriend then." Maya joked, still in shock.
"I am way out of his league." Josh responded. "And besides, I love you."
"Come again?" Maya said. She heard him, she just wasn't sure she heard him correctly.
"I love you." Josh said again without hesitation. "Like a whole lot. And I saw the way you looked at me in that coffee shop. I am sorry, I didn't realize it before then. But I know now, I think you feel the same about me. I love you. So much it hurts sometimes. Like, sitting next to you on a couch while you snore on my shoulder…"
"I don't snore." Maya protested.
"You do. And it's adorable, but just that moment with you is the greatest moment I could have. I want to watch movies with you for the rest of my life. I want to hold you in my arms and I want you to tease me about the kind of music I listen to and god, I want to kiss you so badly. I just want to be with you.
But you need to know, I might ruin it. I ruin everything. The relationships I had never worked out. But Lucas said something to me today that I think might be true, he said that other relationships didn't work out because they didn't matter but Maya, you matter. You are the only thing that matters." Josh stopped to catch a breath. Maya stared at him in silence. She still couldn't process what was happening. Josh hoped she would say something now. He hoped she would jump up and kiss him. Instead she just stood in one place not saying anything. It was then Josh realized maybe Maya doesn't want him and maybe he took too long. He let go of her face and took a step back.
"I know you feel the same about me but I am too late aren't I? Did I hurt you too much? Because I never wanted that, I just wanted to keep you safe and I don't mean that in patronizing way, I just know the way I am and I thought I would really ruin you…"
"Stop talking." Maya said as she walked up to him and kissed him. Her first kiss. She pressed her lips against his. She wasn't sure what to do. She saw how people do it in the movies but that wasn't real. Luckily, Josh knew exactly what to do. He wrapped her in his arms, almost lifting her off the ground. Their lips bumped into each other with passion. They found their rhythm and Maya finally understood. All the songs and movies made sense to her now. She knew why people were so obsessed with kissing. Everything she imagined felt short to how wonderful it really felt. She loved the way he tasted and how soft his lips were. Most of all, she loved how he felt against her. She wished they could do this forever. She felt like she didn't even need air to live, she could live the rest of her life off of these kisses. She could feel his smile and that made her smile too. Neither one of them wanted to break the kiss. Josh pressed her gently against the wall. Maya's hands found the edge of Josh's shirt and slowly found their way directly to his skin under his shirt. She loved how warm and safe he felt. They unwillingly let go of each other when they heard footsteps approaching. It was one of Maya's neighbors. An older lady who took a long time to get to her apartment.
"Maybe we should continue this inside." Maya suggested. Josh nodded with a big grin on his face. Maya returned the smile. It took her a while to unlock the door because her hands were still shaking from the excitement. As soon as she closed the door behind them she turned around to find his lips again. She finally knew what it was like to kiss him and she wasn't ready to ever stop kissing him.
Josh knew Lucas was right about Maya. Everything about her felt different. His heart was about to leap out of his chest. He couldn't stop smiling and he couldn't even remember what life was like before he held Maya in his arms.
"Stop smiling. You're making me smile." Maya said in between kisses.
"I can't. I don't think I'll ever be able to stop." He responded. They fell on the couch, with Maya on top. She sat up on top of him with her hands on his chest.
"What?" Josh said, still smiling and holding her waist.
"I love you." She said with the warmest voice Josh ever heard. "I just realized you said it in the hallway but I didn't. I need to you to know. I love you." She laughed. "It feels so good to say it out loud and especially right now when you're so close to me. I felt it for so long and I didn't think I'd get a chance to tell you. But I do. I love you. So much Josh. I love you."
"I love you more." He said. "And I loved you longer."
"It's not a competition." She chuckled.
"But if it was, I'd win." He said. He lifted his hand to pin one of Maya's loose strand of hair behind her ear. "You're so beautiful."
She blushed and looked down. She laid down with her head onto his chest and listened to his heartbeat before she spoke again. "I'm scared a little bit."
He pulled her tighter to him. "Of what?" He asked.
"Of how happy I feel right now. In my life, happiness has a tendency to not last very long." She confessed.
"Not this time." He assured her. "This time it's going to last."
She smiled and snuggled closer. "Could you stay tonight?"
He kissed the top of her head. "Tonight and every other night you ask."
She got up and put out her hand for him to take. He took it and followed her to her room. They laid in her bed. Maya was the little spoon. And they both closed their eyes to try and fall asleep.
Before she dosed off Maya asked: "So we're like together now, right?"
Josh laughed and found her lips with his. "Dude, if you have to ask then I didn't do anything right tonight."
"Just checking." She said and fell asleep in his arms, hopping that in the morning he'd still be there, and the whole night wasn't just a really good dream.
XXXX
Rays of sunshine peaked through Maya's blinders and woke her up. Her first thought was Josh. She could feel his arms around her before she opened her eyes and knew it wasn't a dream. It was real. She opened her eyes and turned around to look at him. He looked so peaceful and sweet.
"Wake up." She whispered. "Wake up so I can kiss you."
Josh smiled and found her lips without opening his eyes. Maya kissed him back, leaning into him.
"That's a good way to start the day." He opened his eyes and looked at her. "Good morning beautiful."
Maya blushed again and chuckled awkwardly. She wasn't used to compliments. She wasn't used to knowing someone thinks of her as pretty.
"Better get used to it." He said like he could read her mind. "I plan on telling you how beautiful you are every day."
"Shut up." She said and kissed him again. He pulled her on top of him and they laughed again.
"When is your mom coming home?" Josh asked.
"Oh she is gone for the next three days. She went on a road trip with her college friends. It's a tradition, they do it every year. Did I not tell you?"
"No you didn't." He said and tickled her. She laughed and told him to stop, so he did.
"So we have the whole place to ourselves for three days." Josh concluded.
Maya nodded and kissed him. He flipped her on her back and leaned on top of her. "So are we going out for breakfast or ordering in?"
"Oh we're not leaving this apartment, mister." Maya answered and kissed him. "I don't want any distractions."
"Okay. I'll cook." Josh said. He gave her a little peck on the lips and got up. He walked straight to the kitchen.
"We can order in." Maya yelled behind him before she got up to follow him.
"No. Home cooked is always better. Come on and help me." He yelled back.
"I don't like cooking." Maya said as she walked in the kitchen.
"You'll like it if we do it together." He responded and kissed her.
"You can talk me into anything." She responded and Josh laughed.
"So what are you up for? Pancakes, French toast, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?" He started to open kitchen cabinets in search of plates and knifes and everything else he thought he needed. Maya sat on the kitchen counter and looked at him with amusement. "Pancakes!" She exclaimed.
Josh started to make the batter.
"You're so sexy when you cook." Maya said with a smile. Josh looked at her and winked. "You should take off your shirt too." Josh laughed.
"I'll take mine off if you take off yours." He said as he flipped the first pancake in the pan.
Maya smiled widely. "Deal." She quickly lifted her shirt over her head. Josh bit his lower lip as he looked at her then took off his shirt too.
"You won't take it easy on me, will you?" He asked and put his arms around her.
"No." She said and kissed him. "And that's a promise."
"You do realize we'll eat burned pancake if you keep distracting me." He said.
"Small price to pay." She kissed him again.
Josh got his first pancake out of the pan and poured enough batter for another.
"So why didn't we do this sooner?" Maya asked as she watched him. She broke a small piece of the first pancake and put it in her mouth. Josh smiled and pretended not to see it.
"Me cooking you breakfast? You never asked." Josh responded.
Maya chucked. "No, I mean start the relationship sooner? Why did we wait so long?"
Josh looked up into her eyes. He couldn't help but smile. "I guess I was an idiot. What is your excuse?"
"I guess I was scared." She answered.
"Why?" Josh wanted to know.
Maya took a deep breath. "I didn't think you could ever love me. I never thought that anyone could ever love me."
Josh leaned his forehead on hers and held her face, just like the night before and whispered gently to her: "I love you so much I could write a whole book about it and I don't know anyone who is more worthy of love then you." He kissed her softly then hugged her tightly. "I am never again going to let you question whether you are loved or not." Maya smiled into his chest.
She watched him as he made more pancakes, way too many then the two of them can eat. She wondered if this is why people enjoyed spending time in their kitchens. Her mother always worked too much and her parents only ever argued in there, never cooked and never ate. She never had any happy childhood memories in there. But now as she was sitting on the kitchen counter and watching Josh burn pancakes, the kitchen was her favorite room in the house. She loved every inch of the kitchen counter and that old stove that Josh made pancakes on because she never felt more loved and more at home then in this very moment. Everything since last night felt like a dream. She still wasn't convinced she won't wake up soon.
"I pictured you shirtless in my house so many times. And I got to say, I am not disappointed."
Josh laughed. "Just with my shirt off?"
"Well, a couple more things were off too." She said with a smirk.
"Could you set the table please?" Josh said, trying not to smile, but failing.
"You can try to change the subject but I'll bring it up again." Maya said and got up to set the table.
They ate the pancakes, flirting and laughing, but they still had so many pancakes left.
"Are we gonna eat only pancakes for the next three days?" Maya asked. "Not that I'm complaining." She added quickly.
"Yeah, I am not that good with measurements. We should check an actually recipe for anything I cook next." Josh said.
"I love that there will be a next time." Maya beamed with a smile and leaned in to kiss him.
They kept making out and cuddling for hours. While Maya was on top she tried to unbuckle the belt on his jeans but Josh grabbed her hand.
"We shouldn't. It's too soon." He said. Even though he is breathing heavily and Maya could see that he wants it too.
"Too soon? We waited years Josh. I love you and you love me and I don't want to wait." Maya pleaded and kissed him again. He kissed her back, deeper and with even more passion. For a second Maya thought he was going to give in.
But then he stopped again. "I want to do everything with you, including this but it's your first time and we just got together, we should wait."
"We're not two people who just met. I knew you my whole life, I loved you for so long. We are long over due." She tried to persuade him.
He cupped her face with his hand, lovingly. "You just had your first kiss 15 hours ago. We have so much ahead of us. What's the rush?"
"Look..." Maya finally said. "I have all this yearning and need. I am very horny. It's been years of pent up sexual frustration. And now we're making out and you're shirtless and a lot of your skin is touching a lot of mine and you are a really good kisser and we have this whole apartment for three day. I have held back for so long, not telling you how I feel, not kissing you when I wanted you, not touching you when I needed to and I don't want to hold back anymore. I am all in. I want to be all in."
Josh looked at her, trying to find a trace of doubt on her face, anything that tells him she wasn't ready. But he couldn't. She was determent. On the other hand, he wasn't so sure. There she was, the girl he loved for so long, the girl he longed for, in his arms. All he wanted to do is hold her forever. He also knew this was Maya's first relationship, first kiss, first time, first everything and he knew that even if she didn't know it yet, she'd be glad it didn't all happen so fast.
"Not yet." He pulls a stand of her hair behind her ear. "I am all in too, but with this one thing I want to wait. I want it to be special. It may not be my first time. But it is my first time with you and that is even more important."
"Okay." Maya sighs. "I won't push it. I won't pressure you." She is half joking half serious. Josh smiles.
They spend the rest of those three days making out, talking, laughing and eating that first batch of pancakes Josh made for every meal. And it's the best three days either of them ever had. They spend this time in their bubble. Just the two of them. No distractions, no outside world. All they need is each other. And then the third day comes to an end. Josh leaves just before Maya's mom is supposed to come back and as she kisses him goodbye by the door and they take forever to separate, she wonders what will happen now that they are no longer hiding away from the world.