Eerie music filled the viewer's ears, as the episode opened up on a shot of Camp Wawanawkwa at nighttime. Bats flew across the lake, as lightning flashed overhead. Curiously enough, there was absolutely no clouds in the sky, no doubt causing local meteorologists' heads to spin.
The music reached a fever pitch as the camera zoomed into the campfire pit, where strange lights were flashing.
The lights turned out to be an old-style film projector, projecting onto an old bed sheet. The nine remaining campers were all glued to the screen, watching what was judging by the screams coming from the film no doubt a horror film.
The light from the projector suddenly turned a violent shade of red, causing most of the campers to reel back in horror.
"Woah, what a gnarly kill!", said Tyler, accidentally throwing his popcorn to the ground in his excitement.
"I know, right? This is one of my favorite horror films!", said Eva, equally excited over the film.
Courtney, who was sitting beside her ally, didn't look as impressed. "Oh, please!", she said, blowing some of her hair our of her face. "I can't believe you like this schlock Eva."
Behind her 3D glasses, Eva rolled her eyes. "Oh, c'mon, Court, what's not to love. Guts, brains, and all kinds of gore. It just gets your blood pumping."
"Don't call me Court.", said Courtney, shortly.
Not every person was enjoying the film, however. DJ was huddled up on his seat, shivering uncontrollably, while Sadie and Beth hugged his arms.
"Man, I h-hate horror m-movies.", chattered DJ.
"You said it, DJ.", said Beth.
(Sadie): I hate horror movies so much that I latch onto the strongest male in the room until it's over. It's so horrible. Though, on the plus side, I meet most of my boyfriends that way.
Seeing the three of them obviously scared out of their wits, Geoff chuckled lightly to himself. He then turned to the only camper currently not watching the movie.
"Hey, Noah, want some popcorn?" Noah, who was at the moment engrossed in another book, frowned at the party guy.
"No.", he said, irritably.
"Oh, c'mon, it's buttered.", said Geoff, in an enticing sing-song voice.
"No!", he said, more emphatically. Geoff scratched his head, looking thoughtful.
(Geoff): Noah has been really down on himself ever since Cody was eliminated. I'm starting to feel really bad for him. (Snaps his fingers) I know, I just have to find the best way to cheer him up.
Soon, 'The End' was plastered on the screen. The projector ran out of film, and the campers got up and stretched.
"That was still just as gruesome as I remember it.", said Tyler, enthusiastically.
"Yeah, even I'll admit it was nice for Chris to set up this little diversion for us.", said Courtney primly.
"Oh, please!", exclaimed Noah. "Do you all think that Chris really did this out of the kindness of his heart? It's been three days since the dirt bike challenge; this is obviously part of a challenge."
"Oh, c'mon, Noah, Chris is just getting in touch with his good side for once.", lisped Beth.
A full second passed, before every camper was laughing uproariously.
"OK, OK...", said Beth, calming down. "Since this is a challenge, what is it exactly?"
"Hey do you guys hear that?", said Harold, suddenly. "It sounds like the boat of losers."
The campers all looked to the docks to see the boat of losers sitting unexpectedly at the right hand end of the dock. Two figures were throwing various boxes into the back of the boat.
In about a minute, the nine campers were assembled at the dock. Now closer to the boat, they could now see that it was Chris and Chef loading up the boat.
"Uh, Chris, what's going on?", said Geoff.
Chris and Chef both gave each other terrified looks, then jumped onto the boat. Chef started the motor, and soon the boat was speeding away, leaving a lone backpack on the dock.
"I wonder what that was about?", said Sadie, as Beth walked up to the backpack. The latter pulled a magazine out of the outer pocket of the backpack, and gasped.
"You guys! This says that there is an escaped psycho killer with a chainsaw and a hook on the loose near here.", cried Beth.
DJ gulped loudly, and shivering in more earnestness.
The same shocked expression completely failed to cross any of the other campers' faces. Courtney even started laughing.
"Beth, you can't seriously believe any of this.", said Courtney, wrenching the magazine from the homely girls' grasp. "Look at this: half the words were misspelled in this supposed 'magazine article'."
"But what if it's not fake?", muttered DJ. "What if... there really is an escaped psycho killer with a chainsaw and a hook!"
DJ looked around for support, only to receive blank stares and eye rolls. "It does seem pretty far-fetched, DJ.", said Harold.
Only two people seemed thrilled by this new challenge."You know what this means, don't you?", said Eva to Tyler.
"Yeah, I do.", replied the jock. Simultaneously, the two of them said, "We get to survive our own horror movie!"
"So, I'm guessing that the objective of this challenge is to be the last camper standing?", queried Noah.
When everyone answered in the affirmative, Noah continued, "Good, I'm going to hide with some of my books. Later."
"Wait, we should all go in teams of at least two.", said Beth. "Just in case this isn't some kind of hoax."
"I'll go with Noah.", said Geoff, immediately.
"Uh... what?", said a nonplussed Noah.
"Well, I'm going with those two.", said DJ, in a high-pitched voice, indicating to Courtney and Eva.
"Sorry, no dead weight.", said Eva, harshly.
"Besides, there's only room in this alliance for two...", began Courtney, until Eva asked Tyler, "Hey, want to come with us?"
"Would I ever? I can't wait to hear your opinion on the Maple Street series." As Tyler and Eva began walking away, Courtney gave a rather loud huff.
Beth and Sadie soon paired up, leaving only DJ and Harold.
"Don't worry, DJ.", said Harold, smartly. "I'll protect you, with my wicked karate skills." He then began chopping and kicking the air.
"Uh... t-thanks, H-Harold...", said DJ politely.
"And so, after he chugged all that soda, he began squirting foam from both sides of his nose!", exclaimed Geoff, barely containing his heavy laughter.
He and Noah were currently hiding out in the boathouse, the latter still engrossed in his book.
"Riveting story, Geoff.", droned Noah, glancing not a single second away from his book.
Geoff soon wiped a tear from his eye, and said, "So, what do you like to do for fun, Noah?"
"Read.", said Noah. A long pause followed before Geoff asked, "I mean, besides that."
Noah sighed long and loud. "Geoff, why don't you tell me the real reason you're here?"
Geoff looked nervous. "Uh, what do you mean?"
"I mean, we've barely spoken at all this whole summer, and now you're suddenly chatty with me. What's up?"
Geoff sighed, with a slight smile. "Well, to tell you the truth, I wanted to see what I could do to cheer you up. You know, with Cody being gone?"
"Um... thanks, but no thanks.", said Noah, rather uncomfortably, before going back to his book.
"Oh, c'mon, there must be something I can do to get you out of the dumps?"
"Nothing short of you teleporting my dog to this godforsaken island.", said Noah, getting up. "I have to use the bathroom."
Noah soon left, while Geoff looked put out.
Outside the boathouse, a figure watched Noah leave, breathing heavily...
"I definitely think a Nightmare on Maple Street 3 is the best of the sequels. It's just common knowledge.", said Tyler.
"Oh, please, the New Nightmare is easily the strongest.", argued Eva.
As the two newly found friends bantered back and forth, Courtney, who was in the lead of the little group, looked annoyed. As she stopped to fix her sandals, she mimicked them talking, with exaggerated facial expressions.
The three competitors were currently in the woods, walking aimlessly along the forest paths.
(Courtney): Our goal is to track down Chris before he can attack us with this so-called escaped psycho killer with a chainsaw and a hook. Whew, we've got to find a shorter name for that guy.
As Courtney is about to lean back up from her shoe, she hears an ominous sound: a twig snapping.
"Shh, did you guys hear that?", said Courtney, standing stock-still.
"Only you interrupting our conversation.", said Eva, rolling her eyes.
"Actually, I think I heard something as well.", said Tyler, looking worried as well.
A pause followed, wherein nothing out of the ordinary for the woods happened. "Well, m-maybe it was just my...", began Courtney.
Suddenly, a large bush off to the side erupted. From out of it, came the escaped psycho killer with a chainsaw and a hook!
The three campers all screamed. "He-he's real!", said Courtney, trembling all over.
"Don't worry, I'll protect you guys!", said Tyler, finding his courage. He raced towards the offscreen killer, raising his fists. A couple of offscreen grunts and blows landing, and Tyler was thrown back against a tree, knocking him unconscious.
The killer advanced on Courtney and Eva. Courtney, still utterly terrified, raced behind Eva. "Here, kill Eva first. She'll give you a good fight."
"What?!", said Eva. "Why, you bi..."
The chainsaw revved menacingly, as the killer continued to advance. Finally, Courtney made a break for it. Eva glared after her, distracting her enough for the killer to knock her unconscious with the back of the chainsaw.
Courtney was about to make the home stretch, when the killer took off his hook and threw it like a boomerang. It struck Courtney unconscious, before returning to its master.
Curiously, the killer caught it with both his fully intact hands. The killer lifted off his mask to reveal Chef Hatchet!
Chef Hatchet, still in his psycho killer costume, dragged the still unconscious Tyler, Eva, and Courtney. He was sweating and grunting from the exertion heavily.
He took a short break, flexing his back. "I don't get paid enough for this."
Finally, the cook reached a large tent hidden somewhere in the deep woods.
Chef entered the tent through the flap, revealing Chris McLean, sitting in front of several large television screens.
As Chef set the three campers down, rather roughly, Courtney woke up. "Wha-what's going on?", she said blearily, rubbing the back of her neck where the hook had struck her.
"Oh, so know you wake up?", said Chef, irritably. "Not earlier so you could help me carry brawn hilda over here?"
By now, Eva and Tyler had awoken as well, and they all looked to Chris, who was walking up to his charges.
"As you have no doubt become aware, tonight's challenge is all about surviving a horror movie.", explained Chris. "Needless to say, you three all failed. You will all have to wait here for the last man standing to face off against the escaped psycho killer with a chainsaw and a hook."
"Dude, trapping us all in our very own horror movie? You rule!", exclaimed Tyler.
"Thanks, Tyler. At least someone appreciates my wicked challenge ideas."
Courtney heard heavy breathing from behind her. Turning she saw Eva snarling at her.
"Um, hi, Eva.", said Courtney, looking scared.
(Courtney): I would like to say, for the record, that when I pushed Eva towards the alleged killer, I knew full well that it was Chef in a costume. Me pushing Eva was really a strategic move that I don't have to explain to you.
Noah, having left the boat house a few minutes ago, had reached the main campgrounds. The heavily breathing figure was still following him, moving through the underbrush on the forests' edge. Suddenly, the figure stepped on a twig, which gave off an audible snap.
Noah looked around, warily. "Uh, who's there?", said Noah, looking towards the woods. The figure ducked below the bushes.
Noah looked around in worry for a moment, before shrugging and moving on.
The figure popped back up, his eyes now drawn to the girls' cabin. Through the cracked window, the figure could see a trembling blanket on one of the bunk beds.
Said trembling blanket had Sadie and Beth hidden under it.
"Are you sure this is a good hiding place?", said Beth, uncertainly.
"Um... nope.", said Sadie, looking chagrined.
Beth sighed, and facepalmed. "Maybe we should just find another hiding place."
Seconds later, Sadie peeked her head out of the cabin door. "All clear.", said Sadie, motioning Beth to join her outside the cabin.
Soon, the pair were walking through the camp, looking about in nervousness.
"So, where we going to hide now?", asked Beth, followed soon after by the sound of a growling stomach.
"I don't know, but can we hide somewhere with food. That popcorn from the movie didn't last long.", said Sadie, clutching her stomach.
Beth looked uncertainly at the mess hall nearby. "We could dash into the kitchen for a quick bite. Chef's still gone, so he won't destroy us."
The creak of the double doors heralded the two friends walking into the kitchen. "Mm, what's that awesome smell?", said Sadie, before she spotted a large tray of brownies on the counter. "Great!", she said, dashing for the pan.
"Um, who made them?", said Beth, fear creeping into her voice.
"Does it matter?", said Sadie, stuffing a brownie whole into her mouth.
"But Chef's gone!", said Beth, slowly backing towards a particular patch of shadows. "Who could've possibly..."
She was cut off by large, beefy African Canadian arms reaching out from the shadows. They grabbed, cupping over her mouth, and pulled her into the darkness.
"Beth?", said Sadie, now sounding just as worried. Movement occurred just outside her field of vision. She jerked her head around, trying to find the source of it, only to be grabbed as the figure moved in front of her.
Noah finally made it to the bathrooms. Before heading inside, he looked all around him in worry, before doing so. As soon as he was fully inside, two figures approached the communal bathrooms.
DJ was walking on his tiptoes, trying to make barely a sound, while Harold trudged in his usual gait. "DJ, can we just settle on a hiding place already. We've already been in three perfectly good ones."
Despite Harold using his normal speaking voice, DJ's voice was barely a whisper. "We've got to make sure that psycho killer with a chainsaw and a hook can't find us, Harold."
"But we don't even know if there is a real killer."
"Open your eyes and stop being a fool, Harold.", said DJ, raising his voice and grasping Harold's shoulders. "If there is even a one percent chance that that killer is real, we must treat it as an absolute." (1)
DJ looked around for another hiding place, before walking up to the bathroom's septic tank. He opened the lid, balked at the smell, then said, "Yeah, he'll never find us in here."
"No way.", said Harold. "I have my sanity, and I'm not going to go swimming in sewage. Goodbye, DJ!"
"Suit yourself.", said DJ, as Harold walked away. DJ then plugged his nose and stepped into the tank.
Meanwhile, Harold was thinking as he walked. "If the goal is to survive this horror challenge, then the best way to do that is to beat the killer himself.", he said to himself, pounding his fist into his other hand. "Luckily, with my sweet ninja moves, I've got this in the bag."
As he walked, he was completely unaware of said killer's figure appearing from behind some bushes.
Back at the boathouse, Geoff was now outside, leaning on the wall beside the door. He was loudly whistling to himself, when suddenly loud music began to play from somewhere in the general vicinity. It sounded like...
"Is that... an ice cream truck!", said Geoff, his eyes becoming big and goofy, while drool slithered from the sides of his mouth. He then ran full force towards the music, as the camera panned up to show a camera following his every movement.
The image than seamlessly switched to a TV monitor watching Geoff run. The party animal ran offscreen, followed by a scream of horror.
Chris chuckled as he watched the monitor in delight. "Sometimes, I just crack myself up."
The camera pans across the tent, showing all the captured contestants. Sadie and Beth were doing each other's nails, Courtney was trying desperately to avoid the glare of Eva, while Tyler was trying to some handstands... and, predictably, failing miserably.
Chef soon walked in, carrying Harold and Geoff under his arms. Geoff looked bummed out at the fact that there was no ice cream, while Harold was nursing a black eye. Chef unceremoniously dropped the two contestants on the ground. "Just so you know, you can't sneak up on a ninja twice.", said Harold, irritably.
"OK, Chef, good job.", said Chris. "Only DJ and Noah are left."
Back in the septic tank, DJ was still hiding trying not to vomit. He peeked out of the large lid on the top, looking around. Nothing.
He was about to lower himself back into the tank, when a twig snapped. He peeked out again, looking around. Finally, he saw a bulky figure off in the distance.
DJ squeaked and lowered himself quickly back into the tank. He sat for a few moments, shivering, hoping he was just seeing things. He finally looked out again and saw the figure right in front of the tank. It raised his hook, glinting menacingly in the moonlight.
"AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH!", screamed DJ, bursting out of the tank, plowing into the killer, and taking off towards the lake, a stink cloud following him. Chef, who's hockey mask had been pulled off in the struggle, hastily put it back and gave chase.
DJ, running, screaming, and waving his arms, screeched to a halt only when he reached the end of the dock. Looking out over the lake, he saw no viable exit, just as the psycho killer arrived.
DJ did the only thing he was currently capable of doing: he peed his pants and went into a fetal position. Chef walked over to the brickhouse and nudged him with the tip of his boot.
DJ did not stir, besides quaking in fear. Chef proceeded to pull out a walkie-talkie. "Chris, man, I'm heading over to Noah's location."
"Um, aren't you already there?", said Chris.
"What do you mean? I'm at the docks. I just nabbed DJ, and I haven't been near Noah all night."
A pause, before the radio crackled again. "Uh, Chef, I think you'd better get over to the bathrooms... pronto!"
The sounds of flushing were heard throughout the bathroom, as Noah walked out of a stall, holding a plunger. "Finally!", he said. "You'd think you would splurge on some decent plumbing, at least."
The sound of heavy breathing caused Noah to pause, then turn towards the door. The psycho killer was standing in the doorway; this one was even bulkier and bigger than Chef, and had pale, while skin.
Noah looked a little frightened at first, then calmed down. "So, you must be the actor they paid to be the psycho killer?"
The killer growled ferociously.
"Oh, I'm sorry, do you prefer 'psycho killer with a chainsaw and a hook'?"
The killer advanced.
"So, what, am I supposed to fight you now?", said Noah, continuing to look unimpressed. "Or should I just run and hide some more?"
"Move, you idiot!", said a voice from behind the killer. Noah and the killer both looked to see Chef, still in his killer costume, brandishing his chain saw.
"Chef?", said Noah. "Then this guy is a real..." Noah screamed.
The killer raised his chainsaw to Noah, but Chef was already there. He blocked the weapon with his own chainsaw, causing sparks to fly. Noah crept on his hands and knees into a shower.
The rest of the campers and Chris soon arrived at the still open door, watching as sparks continued to fly as the two combatants dueled.
"I'll help you, Chef.", said Tyler, rushing in before anyone could stop him.
"Tyler, no!", grunted Chef, still in the midst of battle.
Tyler, paying no heed, tripped over a loose tile, and flew into Chef. Chef proceeded to knock into the killer, who whirled around, his chainsaw swinging towards Noah, who was trying to crawl towards the open door and other campers. The chainsaw swung, and just barely grazed Noah's arm.
It was still very painful, as Noah yelped. Meanwhile, the killer righted himself, but not quick enough to avoid Chef's fist. The killer went down like a brick wall.
Tyler walked up to Noah, who was still clutching his arm. "Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.", said Tyler, holding out a hand. "Let me help you up."
Noah, however, swatted Tyler's hand away. "Can't you do anything right?! Ever since you've come on this island, it's been one trip up after another. I don't know why Chris even brought you back!"
As Tyler stood, shocked, Chef raced to Noah's side. He examined the cut the chainsaw had made. "It looks like it's not serious. Let's get you to the infirmary."
"Can I... help?", said Tyler, timidly, but Chef's temper broke as well. "No, you've done enough."
Tyler looked around at the other glaring faces in the room, then walked dejectedly out the door.
The campfire ceremony. "Well, I can safely say that that was the most fun I've had in one single episode this whole season!", said Chris, looking out amongst the remaining campers. Noah was glaring at a depressed looking Tyler, Eva was glaring at a nervous Courtney, DJ looked thoroughly embarrassed, and everyone else looked extremely tired.
"I'm glad you all agree. Now, to business. You may have noticed that none of you have voted yet this evening. That's because, for today's elimination, I decided to choose the worst performing contestant of you all to send home."
Chris then walked up to DJ. "And I think we can all agree that tonight's biggest bomb performance wise was DJ's. A teen who hid from Chef in a Halloween costume in a septic tank, went into a comatose state when he could've easily won the challenge, and peed his pants multiple times!"
"Hey, it was only the once.", said DJ, weakly.
"Anyway, boat of shame's that away big guy."
DJ got up sullenly, then turned to his former fellow campers. "Group hug?", he said.
However, everyone looked at the stink cloud rising above him, and vigorously shook their heads.
Later that evening, Noah walked back into the cabin, rubbing his bandaged arm. He was about to climb into bed, when Geoff walked up. "Hey, dude, I just thought you wanted to have this."
Noah took a videotape from Geoff's outstretched arm. He saw that the video had a label on it with his name.
"It's a video message from home.", explained Geoff. "I think your family tried to send it to you, but Chris confiscated it. If you find a VHS player, you can play it. If not, you can just... keep it with you."
Noah looked down again at the tape, then smiled to Geoff. "Thanks, Geoff.", he said, fist bumping him. "You really..."
Noah paused to sigh. "...Lifted up my spirits."
Geoff looked fit to cry. "You... you really mean it?"
Noah nodded, and politely accepted a bone-crushing hug from the much larger figure.
The camera soon panned out of the cabin to show a still dejected Tyler sitting on the porch steps.
Campers: Beth, Geoff, Tyler, Harold, Noah, Sadie, Eva, and Courtney
Eliminated: Owen, Izzy, Bridgette, Justin, Leshawna, Katie, Lindsay, Heather, Trent, Duncan, Ezekiel, Gwen, Cody, and DJ
Votes: None
(1): My favorite quote from Batman v Superman!
OK, I've decided to come back to this fic and finish it. I know there's been some big gaps between chapters, but I hope to rectify this in the coming month. My goal is to finish this story before January is up.
As always, make sure you review like crazy, and share this story with your friends. Who knows? Maybe we'll end up with a TV Tropes page in the future!