A/N: Thanks for your reviews!
Chapter 4
When Kate pulled up in front of the house, she saw her mother in the yard, clad in old jeans and a white t-shirt, laying an old blanket down on the ground in front of one of the flowerbeds. There were containers of flowers sitting on the ground; the flowerbed on the opposite side of the porch already freshly planted with colorful new flowers.
"Is this where you grew up?" Castle asked.
"Yes…and my Uncle isn't moving in," she stated as she turned off the car.
"It was just lunch, Kate…."
"That's how it starts."
"Not always…I had to go to the Mayor to get started with you."
"He only gave you permission to shadow me, the rest you earned on your own," she said as she unbuckled her seatbelt and opened her door.
"True…but it might not be what you think in regard to your mother."
"We're about to find out," she said as she got out of the car. She rounded the vehicle and crossed the sidewalk in front of the house, stalking up through the yard with Castle on her heels. "Mom," she said somewhat sharply.
Johanna flinched. "Katie," she said, pressing her dirty hand against the skin her v-neck top left bare. "You scared me; how many times have I told you not to do that? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at work?"
"Yes; shouldn't you?"
Johanna ignored the question. "Don't tell me the neighbors called the police because I'm planting flowers."
"No."
"Hello, Rick," Johanna said, acknowledging her daughter's boyfriend.
"Mrs. Beckett," he smiled; "How are you?"
"I have a feeling it depends on what you're here for. Have you come to ask for her hand in marriage?"
"Mom!"
She shrugged. "I was just joking, Katie."
"Not today," Castle replied; "Maybe some other time."
"What are you doing, Mom?" Kate asked, her tone firm as she pulled her attention back to her.
Johanna waved a hand toward the flowerbed. "I suppose you call it gardening. If someone called and said I left early without notice, they're lying. I did report my departure; it's a slow day, I already had my meetings and my paperwork can be done at home. I went to the store…I saw these flowers on the way home and I stopped and bought them. I came home, put away the groceries, changed clothes, got out what I needed to work in the yard a bit because it's a nice day out. The boy next door cut the grass this morning, he needed some extra spending money for vacation, they were leaving at lunch time. I told him not to worry about sweeping up the clippings; I'd do it when I got home…."
"Enough rambling," Kate said, cutting off her mother's stream of words.
"I'm not rambling, you asked what I was doing and I was telling you," she answered.
"That's not what I meant," her daughter retorted. "I'm talking about how Sharon called me and told me you're dating Andrew!"
"You know, I'm starting to hate that bitch," Johanna said as she pulled off her sunglasses to wipe the lens on her shirt.
"That's not even the point of this conversation." Kate said sharply. "Since when do you date Andrew?"
"I don't."
"That's not what I'm hearing. I heard he came and took you to lunch, brought you flowers, kissed you, you were gone for over an hour and you're planning on doing it again Friday. I was also informed that you said it was none of my business."
"It's not your business," Johanna stated. "I don't ask you to report your lunch breaks."
"It is my business when it's something like this!" Kate exclaimed; "Because I'm telling you right now, it's not happening! He's Dad's brother, that's sick and twisted! I don't care if Grandma approves or not because I hear she does; I don't approve. So whatever it is you've been doing with him needs to stop."
Johanna pushed her sunglasses up and glared at her daughter. "Who the hell do you think you are telling me what I'm going to do? You're not my mother. I'm the mother and you're the kid."
"Yeah, I'm the kid who's going to have you committed," Kate hissed. "You are not dating Andrew! That is as sick as dating your own brother."
"No, it isn't! And he only kissed me on the cheek."
"He doesn't need to be kissing you anywhere!"
"Oh for God's sake, Katie; it's not the first time he's kissed me on the cheek. It was just lunch."
"From what I heard, you implied it's been going on despite all of your protesting against dating."
"Katie, I know Sharon's your godmother but you have to stop taking her word for the gospel. If you want to talk about bad romantic choices, let's talk about yours."
"Let's not."
"Should I leave?" Castle asked.
"No, not at all, Rick," Johanna said; "Katie clearly doesn't mind sharing my business so I don't mind sharing hers. Let's start with that idiot Tyler you dated in high school…eighteen years old and still in the tenth grade…thinking he's coming in my house with his cigarette hanging out of his mouth."
"Everybody's stupid at sixteen, Mom," Kate retorted.
"That's true," Castle said in a show of support.
"Well then let's move on to college and that jackass who called you Kit Kat," she stated with disgust.
"Kit Kat?!" Castle repeated in glee.
"Shut up, Castle."
"And let's not forget," Johanna went on; "That I had to fly to Vegas and drag your drunken ass out of a wedding chapel because you were going to marry that loser."
"This just keeps getting better," Castle remarked.
"That's enough, Mom."
"No, I don't think so," she said; "Let's move on to Will Sorenson, F.B.I. douchebag division."
"Mom! Quit hanging out with Gabby, you're picking up her lingo."
"Fine, he was a grade A jackass if you want it in more specific terms."
"He was not!" Kate exclaimed as Castle burst into laughter.
"Yes, he was…you know it, I know it, he knows it…his mother probably knows it too."
"I met him," Castle stated; "He did have an arrogant jackass quality. So did Demming."
"I didn't meet that one," Johanna remarked. "But I did meet Mr. I'm a doctor so I'm a God. I never met such a self absorbed jackass as that Josh was. Good God, I prayed every day you wouldn't be stupid enough to marry him. He was a complete ass."
"Agreed," Castle stated; "He was a jackass…I questioned her taste on that one myself."
Johanna eyed him. "I've read about your exploits, Rick…heard about a few too ranging from ex-wives to flight attendants so you don't have much room to talk."
He smiled. "I'll be quiet now."
'This isn't about me or Castle," Kate retorted; "It's about you being out of your damn mind. Andrew is your brother-in-law; it's sick! I'm not going to stand for it. What the hell are you thinking?"
"It was only lunch, Katie."
"I think that's how you and Dad got started," she remarked; "Do you think you're going for a Beckett sequel?"
"How dare you!" her mother exclaimed.
"I dare because someone has to tell you how it is. I'm surprised Dad hasn't struck you both down. Tell me you're not sleeping with him, Mom."
"No, I'm not sleeping with him!" Johanna said sharply. "Not that it's any of your business."
"I think maybe it is my business when it's my father's brother we're talking about! You have practically raised Gabby; if I had been away when she was born, I'd be wondering right now if she wasn't yours!"
"Katherine Houghton Beckett," Johanna snapped; "You know better than to ever accuse me of such a thing. I have never done anything with Andrew. Now since you're so interested in my sex life, I'll tell you the truth, the last time I slept with someone was with my husband the night before he died. Now you know."
"I didn't need to know that much," Kate said as she cringed a little. "I really didn't need the exact date of the last time you had sex."
"Well that's too damn bad; you want to stand there and run your mouth, I'll tell you the damn truth. I'm not dating Andrew; your grandmother asked him to take me to lunch so the idiots I work with will think I have a man in my life and will leave me alone. It was a ruse, Katie; nothing more. Yes, he brought me a flower and kissed my cheek to make it look good. Yes, we went to lunch…we talked about work, your father; he asked me if I could have a talk with Gabby this weekend about some personal questions she has. We talked about the things all people talk about when they're sharing a meal. Yes, I came back ten minutes late…we planned that in the elevator just to make sure they had something to think about. Andrew's doing me a favor just like I do him a favor by keeping Gabby when he has to travel for work."
"If I call and ask him, is he going to tell me the same story?" she asked.
"Yes, he is…go ahead and call him since my word isn't good enough," Johanna told her, anger radiating from her body.
Kate studied her for a moment and made the decision not to call; she wasn't getting any indication that her mother was lying. "You should've thought this idea through, Mom. You should've known Sharon would run with it. You should've told her the truth."
"No; she's one of the people I want off my back…so you keep your damn mouth shut and don't tell her."
"She's going to hound you about this!"
"I'd rather be hounded this way than the other way…I have control in this situation," Johanna retorted. "She needs to learn to mind her own business. She doesn't need to call you like she's the principal and I'm misbehaving at school."
"She just worries about you."
"She's just a goddamn busybody and I'm sick of it."
"She's your best friend."
"She's a pain in my ass," Johanna shot back.
"Fine, I'm not arguing with you about it," Kate said; "What's this business about you retiring? You never discussed it with me."
"You sound just like Sharon; if you didn't have my nose and eyes, your grandmother's hair color and the shape of your father's face, I'd think you were her daughter."
Kate rolled her eyes. "The point stands; you haven't mentioned it to me."
"I was going to last weekend when we were supposed to spend some time together but you blew me off again," her mother replied. "I was undecided then and thought maybe we'd discuss it…but you've been busy so I made my decision on my own like I was going to have to do anyway. I think I've given enough of my life to the courtroom, Katie. I'm ready to move on from it…I'm also ready to get out of that damn firm. I hate it there more every day…it bothers me that's it come to that; I used to enjoy it there but I don't anymore. I haven't chosen the exact date but it will be by the end of the year."
"I think you're doing this so you don't have to be around anyone who might ask you out," her daughter stated.
"No, I'm doing it because I think I'll be happier without the job. I'm financially stable, I'll be fine and I'm not ruling out teaching again at Columbia."
"Mom, I think you need to give this some more thought, you are someone who needs to be busy or you get depressed. This has come out of nowhere and I have a feeling it has more to do with the men at work than you being tired of your job. What's the problem; is there one there that you think you might like too much? Are you worried you'll be tempted to date someone so you want to leave so it won't happen?"
"No!" she yelled; "I told you why! What is with you and this dating thing lately, Katie! Christ, just because you finally put Rick out of his misery and let him get past first base doesn't mean I need to run out and do it too. I'm a grown woman of sound mind and body; I can make my own decisions about my love life and my professional life. I don't need your fucking permission."
Kate's brow rose. "You're getting awful testy about something you seem to think is so simple."
'That's because I'm getting as sick of you telling me what to do as I am everyone else," Johanna retorted; "You're not the boss of me! If I want to quit my job tomorrow I will and it won't be because of a goddamn man. Good God, Katie; I know you're in a new relationship, in a haze of love and whatever else you two are doing, but let some other thoughts float into your brain once in awhile."
"Fine; if you want to throw away your career, go ahead."
"Thank you," she said sarcastically. "Are we done here? I want to get back to my flowers, they're more pleasant company than you are today."
"No, we're not done," Kate said sharply. "There's one more thing from that phone call we need to discuss."
"What's that?" Johanna asked with a sigh of exasperation.
"Sharon thinks you're drinking again," Kate stated as she eyed her mother.
Johanna scoffed. "Do I look drunk to you?"
"No…but that doesn't mean you haven't been…how would I know?"
"I think we talk enough for you to know, Katie; and even if we didn't; there's enough people who love to ring your phone and tell you everything I do that I'd think you know. If I was drunk, your grandmother would know…maybe if you called her once in awhile you'd get a more realistic accounting of my time."
Kate rolled her eyes. "I see and talk to Grandma when I can, so pause the guilt trip; this is about you. Sharon said you mentioned drinking at lunch."
"Oh for God's sake," Johanna muttered. "I had a glass of wine at lunch; it wasn't even a full glass and I didn't suck it dry; there was still a little in it when I left. You know I have a glass once in awhile."
"Yeah…but I don't know if it's still once in awhile. I don't want what happened before to happen again. I don't like getting phone calls that you're in the hospital because you were drunk and nearly busted your head open."
Johanna's jaw tightened. "Yeah, you were so worried you didn't even show up until the next morning."
"Mom," she said sharply.
"It's the truth."
"Yeah; it is…and I didn't show up until the morning because I was angry with you."
"Don't worry, Katie; after that I made sure to have a back up contact on my list so I don't have to die alone if I'm ever in an accident. I gave specific instructions that if I'm hospitalized you will be notified but so will my brother…I know he'll show up."
"Really, you want to go there?" her daughter asked sharply.
"There isn't anywhere to go, Katie; I'm just telling you that I have arrangements in place in case you have to be pissed off for a few hours before you decide to come and see what the prognosis is. I hate hospitals; I don't want to be alone."
Kate's mouth pressed into a thin line as her hands curled at her sides, she glanced toward Castle who was shifting awkwardly on his feet, clearly feeling out of place and she felt badly for subjecting him to this. "If I search the house am I going to find bottles of wine? Or any bottles of alcohol?"
Johanna pushed her sunglasses up once more so she could look her daughter in the eye. "Do you have a warrant, Detective?"
Kate returned her glare. "That's usually a question the guilty ask."
"No, it's the question a lawyer asks when law enforcement oversteps their bounds and wants to conduct a search for no real reason," Johanna countered.
"Maybe I feel there's probable cause, Counselor. Consider yourself implicated by circumstantial evidence."
"Your circumstantial evidence is based on comments from a third party; that's considered heresy."
"You admitted that you had a glass of wine."
"Yes, and you acknowledged that you know I occasionally allow myself an indulgence. No crime has been committed, I'm well over the legal age, I can pass a sobriety test and I've broken no law. You have no real evidence…you have no case."
"I didn't say you were under arrest…I asked if I conducted a search, would I find anything. You then asked if I had a warrant."
"Yes; because that's my right. This is my home…you don't have any right to search it without legal reason."
"I'm not searching it as a cop…I'm searching it as a daughter."
Johanna waved a hand toward the house. "Be my guest, Detective. Remember to wipe your feet; I don't want you dragging in grass clippings that I may have missed."
"I never forget," Kate said as she turned away from her mother and headed toward the porch. "Come on, Castle."
"I…I don't think I should come with you," he stammered.
"Oh go ahead," Johanna said; "I don't have anything to hide in my house, it's clean. She only wants you to go because she's afraid if she leaves you outside I'll tell you more about her boyfriends from college…or that time she stuck a Lego up her nose when she was six or the time when…"
"Enough," Kate yelled; "Castle; come on."
He reluctantly followed her up the steps to the porch and then into the house when she opened the screendoor. "I kind of feel like it's wrong for me to be here," he whispered to her. "This isn't a crime scene; it's your mother's house."
"If I find wine, it will be a crime scene," she replied, leading the way to the kitchen; "Just relax…I can't leave you outside with her, she's in a mood; she'll tell you everything I don't want anyone to know about me."
"Like the Kit Kat thing?"
She breathed deeply. "Yeah."
He grinned. "We are so talking about that later."
"That's what I was afraid of," she said as she moved into the kitchen and made her way to the cabinets. "Look in the fridge and see if she's got any bottles in there."
"I feel like I'm violating her privacy."
Kate glanced at him. "It's for her own good and for my peace of mind…so help me…please," she said softly. "I know she's mad…but I'm not letting this happen again…if we both look it won't take as long. Please."
He sighed deeply; he couldn't resist that look on her face that pleaded with him to help her. He had wanted to know and be more involved with her family life so he figured this was the price he had to pay for it…even if it meant her mother would hate him like she had clearly hated the rest of her suitors. He pulled open the door of the refrigerator and looked inside at the contents, taking in the sights of containers of homemade leftovers, fresh vegetables, eggs, milk and juice. She had cans of soda, a container of iced tea but he found nothing alcoholic as he looked through the contents. "I see you don't get the Styrofoam temple in the fridge thing from your mother," he remarked.
"I could have told you that," Kate replied as she rooted through one of the cabinets. "Mom is big on home cooked meals for the most part. She does like to eat out but she tries not to go overboard with it."
"There's nothing alcoholic in the fridge," Castle told her. "Just fresh food…unlike yours."
"God, you sound just like her," she muttered. "That's why I make her call first before she visits so I can clean out my fridge before she gets there."
"You make your mom call first?" he asked in surprise. "That is a concept my mother has never heard of…when she moved it, she just showed up with luggage…there was no warning."
"Really?"
"Yes!"
"My mother wouldn't do that," Kate remarked as she moved to the next cabinet. "Check the freezer…just to be on the safe side."
Castle opened the door of the freezer and saw the collection of storage bowls containing what he guessed to be frozen homemade soups, TV dinners and other frozen foods but no bottles being chilled to be consumed later. "Nothing out of the ordinary."
"Good," she said as she continued to search the cabinets. When she had gone through them all, she headed for the threshold of the room.
"We're done now?" he asked.
"No; time to search the office."
"Kate…I don't think she was lying to you."
"I want to be sure," she said as she led the way down the hallway to the room her parents had designated as the office.
Castle followed her into the spacious room, noting the wall of built in bookcases and a desk on each side of the room. One held neat stacks of files, a laptop, a desk lamp and notepads, a silver plated pen; a mauve colored chair pushed back, its owner neglecting to slide it back in place. The other desk was empty, its leather desk chair pushed in…a solemn reminder that the room used to be occupied by two and now only one. He waited quietly as Kate went to her mother's desk and pulled open the drawers. When she finished she moved to the piano that sat against the far wall and lifted the seat of the piano bench where sheet music was stored.
"Does your Mom play the piano?" he asked.
"She used to…my grandmother was an excellent piano player; she started teaching Mom when she was about four. She was as good as Grandma…she has a knack for being able to play without sheet music…but she hasn't played since my grandmother died…this was Grandma Naomi's piano."
"I see," he said as she closed the lid. He watched her move across the room, her fingers grazing against the glossy wood of her father's desk, a flicker of pain moving across her face before she began to pull the drawers open. She found nothing and retreated to a file cabinet, opening all of the drawers in it as well.
"All finished?" Castle asked.
"I'll check the bedroom," she said; "Then we'll be done."
He shook his head. "I'll wait downstairs; I'm not going in your mother's bedroom."
"I'll only be a minute."
Castle drifted into the living room as Kate made her way upstairs; he couldn't help examining the pictures on the walls and the ones on the bookcase along with reading the spines on the books that covered the genres of mystery and romance for the most part…but one shelf held some sports books, a few paperback westerns and science fiction novels. They must've been Jim's he thought to himself. He took note of Kate's senior picture, her parents wedding photo, a family portrait when Kate was about five and a framed family photo of the three of them at Kate's high school graduation. They looked like a happy family…and now a member was missing and the two remaining were still somewhat broken and at odds with each other.
Footsteps on the stairs pulled him from his thoughts and he drifted back to the entry way to wait on Kate. "Did you find anything?" he asked.
"No."
"Good," he replied as they headed for the door and made their way back outside.
"Well, what did you find, Nancy Drew?" Johanna asked as she pulled a few more weeds from the flowerbed in front of the porch.
"Nothing," Kate answered.
"Because there isn't anything and there hasn't been," Johanna said as she gathered up the pile of weeds and carried them to the trash can. "But thank you for not trusting me and making me out to be an alcoholic in front of your boyfriend. You couldn't bring him to dinner last night but you didn't hesitate to bring him to your raid."
"Mom!"
"I don't think that at all," Castle said before Johanna could speak. "I was glad to see though that she didn't inherit that messy fridge thing from you."
"I could've told you that," Johanna replied. "She gets that from her daddy. He didn't like to grocery shop either."
"Castle is with me because we're working," Kate said; bringing the topic back around. "I was on my way back from New Jersey when Sharon called. You can't blame me for worrying when I keep getting calls about you."
"I'll take care of the calls, Katie," she stated; "But you still don't need to show up like you're staging a raid. I haven't even seen you in two weeks and you storm into my yard questioning me like some suspect instead of talking to me like I'm your mother."
"What do you expect?" Kate asked angrily. "Yesterday it's calls about you not showing up to work on time. Today it's a call saying you're dating your brother-in-law and drinking. If I think something is going on I'm not going to tip toe around it. I feel like you're proved you're not drinking like in the past so I'll let that go."
"Thank you so much," she said sarcastically. "Stop in again the next time I'm unfairly accused of things without hard facts and evidence."
"Mom, people just worry about you," her daughter said, frustration in her voice. "You've never completely bounced back from losing Dad…it's not our fault that you do things that make us worry."
"Maybe if everyone would stay out of my business they wouldn't worry so much. Sharon's supposed to be my best friend…she's not my friend…she's my keeper. She tells me how she thinks I should live my life and when I do something she doesn't approve of she hurries up and makes a report. Mark polices my caseload and tells me how much he thinks I can handle while also telling me that it's my fault men in the office pursue me because I'm a challenge. You only come around when you run out of excuses not to or when you've gotten enough bad reports."
"That's not true!"
"Yes it is…especially the last few years…even more so now that your father's case is closed. You've been pushing me away since he died…and you're pushing even more lately."
"No, I haven't! Yes, I used to be around more but then I decided to get a life. Maybe if you moved on and got one, you wouldn't mourn so much and you wouldn't need me here so much!"
"I don't need you," Johanna retorted sharply. "I don't need anyone. I take care of myself. I get myself up and out the door to work, I clean my own house, cook my own meals. I pay the bills, take out the garbage. I do pay the kid next door to cut the grass but when he's away I do it myself and I tend to my flowers. I even fixed the kitchen sink last week without asking anyone to come do it for me…so see, I'm very self reliant."
"I didn't say you couldn't do things for yourself; I meant emotionally needy," her daughter shot back.
"I'm sorry, Katie…I didn't realize that having a mother that loved you was a hardship you had to endure. You used to like it."
"Yeah; well you used to be more than who you are now."
"I'm sorry I can't just get over it in a blink of an eye," Johanna remarked. "An arrest ended it for you but it doesn't end it for me. So what we have justice…what good is it? It didn't bring him back so who cares."
"It gave us closure," Kate said tersely.
"It gave you closure…it didn't give me a damn thing…except a little less worry about what you're out in the world chasing."
"Mom," she sighed.
"For you it's wrapped up in a little box and you can put it away now and forget him," Johanna said quietly; "Well it's not a neat little box for me."
"I'm not forgetting him."
"Yeah, you are…I'm not stupid, Katie. Do you think I don't notice that if I mention him when you're here that you suddenly have to leave a few minutes later, like you're so afraid I'm going to want to talk about some memory or some feeling. You don't want to think about him or talk about him."
"I think about Dad all the time," she said sharply; "But I do wish you could go one day without bringing him up. We don't have to talk about him all the time! That's part of your problem, you don't let go even a little bit. Can you just try to do that? Maybe if you did I'd come over more."
Her chin quivered with emotion but she held back the tears. "Is that why you blew me off last weekend when we were supposed to go shopping?"
Kate breathed deeply, looking to Castle who grimaced a little…both of them knowing a moment of truth had come. "No, not in the way you mean."
"In what way then?"
She swallowed hard. "I don't like shopping with you, Mom," she said quietly.
Johanna pushed her sunglasses up for a moment to look at her daughter. "Since when? We've always gone shopping together…all I heard when you were a teenager was 'please, let's go to the malls in Jersey' every other weekend."
"I don't like shopping with you because when I go with you all I can think about is how we were out shopping while Dad was dying. I think about how you said it was girls day and we went on without him…with his blessing, I know…but it's all I think of and I just…I don't like to go with you…so I do bail on you when I can."
Johanna allowed her sunglasses to drop back into place as she shoved her hands into her pockets, fighting back the emotion. "You should have told me that a long time ago, Katie. I would've never asked you again if you had told me the truth…it's all I've ever asked of you…just to tell me the truth."
"It's hard to do that when I know how easily you fall apart."
Her mother breathed deeply, her spine straightening a little. "I'm not going to fall apart…I can handle it. I won't ask you anymore…I understand. I'm sorry I didn't realize it long ago."
"Maybe you would've if you'd ever crawl out of your head and stop thinking about your own pain."
Anger flashed across Johanna's face. "I've always tried to help you deal with any pain you had, Katherine; don't you stand there and act like I didn't. I tried to help you through the loss of the man you don't want me to mention. I helped you through the loss of grandparents. I've helped you through breakups and any other difficult moment you had and let's not forget that several weeks ago when Mr. Bestselling Author over there was flaunting some bimbo in your face and telling you he needed fun and uncomplicated in his life, it was mommy you came crying to, so don't you act like I'm not here for you. I told you I was sorry. I said I'd respect your feelings and I won't ask you to go shopping now that I know how you feel. If you didn't want to open your mouth and tell me years ago; that's on you. Now get the hell out of my yard because I'm done with you today, little girl. Don't bother calling tonight either with your 'I'm sorry' because I don't care to hear it…and if you can't come over here without some agenda or intervention in mind, then don't come at all."
"Mom," she said quietly.
"Just go, Katie," Johanna replied as she turned away with the intent to return to her gardening.
"I don't want to leave it like this," Kate told her, a knot in her stomach.
"I'm fine…you don't need to worry…and I'm going to make sure the phone calls stop from the people I work with."
"They have to contact me if something is wrong."
"Nothing is wrong; they're just a bunch of busybody jackasses," Johanna stated; "I can't wait to retire and get away from them. I told Mark I'd finish out the year but the more I think about it the more I'm aiming for the end of August."
"Why don't we talk more about that later," Kate said; "I kind feel like the retirement thing has come out of the blue."
"There's nothing to discuss. I'm retiring…it's my choice, no one else's."
Kate shifted on her feet. "I'll come over for dinner Saturday, okay?"
Johanna shook her head. "I have plans."
"What plans?"
The lie came easily; after all, she was sure it was needed now more than ever. "I have a date," she replied.
"You said you weren't dating Andrew," Kate said sharply.
"I'm not! I told you, I just want the people at work to think that so don't go telling Sharon any different."
"Fine, I won't…but this seems kind of sudden…and if you're going out with someone, why drag Andrew into the office for show and tell?"
"Because they don't need to know who I'm really seeing," Johanna remarked. "Sharon gets on my nerves with her helpful hints. She'll tell me to screw him before the main course is even on the table."
Kate grimaced. "Remember what you always told me; sex on the first date looks slutty."
"Sluts get more respect than widows so I might just play it by ear," Johanna replied.
"What are you really doing Saturday, Mom? Because I can come over…we can even go see Grandma…she can tell me what I'm doing wrong with my life…it'll be fun for you, you'll like it."
"I told you, I have a date."
"I'm supposed to believe that after you got mad at me for bringing up the topic last night?"
"I thought it over," Johanna stated; "He's asked me a few times…I decided to go this time."
"Mom, what are you doing?" she asked softly, her gaze darting toward Castle who was listening intently.
"What everyone wants," she remarked, kneeling down on her blanket and picking up her trowel to turn the soil in the flower bed so she could plant the new flowers she had picked up on the way home. "I'm forgetting about my husband and moving on."
"No one wants you to forget Dad."
"Yeah, they do…and I know you want me to find someone so I won't be a burden to you when I get old…so don't worry, Katie; I'll latch on to some sucker so you don't have to worry about me."
"Mom, that's not what I said."
"You didn't have to…just be glad I'm going, okay? It's what everyone wants so I'm doing it."
"Who is this guy? Is it the one at work that wants you to go out with him?"
"No; I hate Calvin. I'm not dating anyone from work."
"Then who is this person?"
"What does it matter?"
"Because I want to know just like you always want to know when I'm going out with someone. Now who is he and where did you meet him?"
"I met him at Columbia," she lied. "I've known him for awhile."
"Is he a professor?" her daughter asked.
"No…he works in the offices," she replied; figuring it was a better answer and one that probably couldn't be looked into too much.
"What's his name?"
Johanna was glad that she was wearing her sunglasses as she tried to think up a name; she glanced up at her plant that she had moved from the office to the porch for some sunlight. George the third was a descendent of the plant she had bought for her first office at her first law firm. "His name is George," she stated.
"George what?"
"What does it matter?"
"Because if you go missing I want to know who to name as a suspect," Kate remarked. "Now what's his name?"
"George," she said, running through a list of last names she couldn't use…Washington was out, Jefferson was out, Hamilton and Harrison…Jetson, if she had been that desperate.
"Last name, Mom."
"George Bailey," she stated. "He's a nice man, you don't need to worry."
"When is he picking you up, maybe I can stop by and meet him?"
"I'm meeting him at six-thirty and you're not going to be there," Johanna stated.
"He's not picking you up?" Castle asked; his suspicions stoked ever since he heard the name.
"No, I told him I'd be more comfortable meeting him somewhere…he understands. It's just dinner…I won't have any wine, I promise. You don't need to worry…it'll be fine. He's nice."
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Kate asked; "You should do it for you not because everyone tells you to do it."
"Believe me, Katie; I'll be much happier with everyone getting off my back about the topic…and the only way to get any of you off my back about it is to do it…so I'm going out with George on Saturday. You should be getting back to work."
"I know…but I think we should talk more about this…it seems sudden; you haven't even taught at Columbia since last summer when you taught a summer course."
"We stayed in touch…we talk online."
Kate wasn't sure she liked the sound of this whole thing but she didn't say so. "We'll talk more about it later, okay? I think we should talk about this…how much do you really know about him?"
"I know enough; he's divorced, he's my age, he has a job and a car."
"Okay; that might've been enough to know about a guy in the 70s but it's not really enough now so we're going to discuss this some more later. I do have to get back to work…but we're going to talk later."
"There's not much to discuss about it."
"I think there is but I'll call later," she said, stopping down to give her a makeshift hug. "I love you."
"Yeah; sure," Johanna replied. "I love you too. Goodbye, Rick; I'm sorry Katie has subjected you to our sordid family business."
"Oh that's alright," Castle told her; "I find it all interesting. Have a nice day, Mrs. Beckett."
"Yeah; it's been just peachy so far. Be careful, kids….but not too careful I do still need grandchildren."
"Mom!" Kate exclaimed.
"Well, why should I be the only one to suffer today?" Johanna asked; "Now go on, I'm going in and get a bottle of water. I'll talk to you later."
Kate watched her mother move into the house and then she and Castle made their way to the car in silence. "I'm sorry about all of this, Castle," she said once they were pulling away from the curb.
"It's alright…but I guess I know now why your mother doesn't seem interested in me…you told her about our rough spot."
"She's like that to everyone I date at first, Castle. She doesn't like to seem enthusiastic in case you turn out to be a dud; and yes, I did tell her…I was upset."
"I understand," he assured. "She's lying though; she doesn't have a date Saturday night."
"What makes you say that?"
"When you asked her for a name, she wasn't hesitating because she didn't want to tell you, she hesitated because she was thinking of one to give. She was trying to subtly look around to find something…George is a rather standard name, one easily thought of on the spur of the moment when your garden isn't providing inspiration of a male name."
Kate bit her lip. "She had a plant on the porch didn't she?"
"Yes, why?"
"Because he has a name…his name is George…but that doesn't necessarily mean she's lying. There could be a man at Columbia named George."
"There could be but she's lying…didn't you catch the full name?"
"George Bailey," she stated.
Castle smiled. "Yeah, George Bailey…Jimmy Stewart played George Bailey in It's A Wonderful Life. She was searching for a name and picked one that sounded like a familiar fit for George…I don't think she realized she did it, because it was easy to tell she was going through a process of elimination."
Kate gripped the steering wheel. "That was one of her favorite holiday movies…but I mean there could be an actual George Bailey."
"There could be," he said with a nod; "But I doubt it…she's lying, Kate. She's trying to get you off her back about finding someone just like she's trying to get people off her back at work by using her brother-in-law as a ruse… she's playing the same game just using a different strategy."
"We don't know that for sure."
"No…but I bet we could find out."
Kate nodded. "And we will."
Johanna laid a file on her finished pile and stretched a little, the sound of the radio on the bookcase sparring her from the complete silence of the room that evening. She hated to admit it but lately she felt like she accomplished more work at home than she did sitting in her office…but of course at home Sharon wasn't there to interrupt…to lecture…to tattle. Mark wasn't checking in…Calvin wasn't dropping in with unwanted invitations and neither was anyone else. If she could arrange to work from home and only meet her clients at the firm, she'd consider holding off on retiring but she didn't think that idea would fly. She reached for her cup of tea but found it empty and she sighed, time for a refill…and probably time to call it a night so she could unwind a little before going to bed. Her phone rang on the corner of the desk and she frowned, hoping it wasn't Katie…they had talked enough today to last her awhile. She reached for the phone though and found Elizabeth's name on the screen and hurried to answer the call. "Hello, Liz."
"Are you mad at me?" her mother-in-law asked.
Her brow furrowed with confusion. "No, why would I be mad at you?"
"You didn't call me when you got home from work," Elizabeth replied.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Liz. I left the office early and went to the market and stopped and got some flowers to plant in the flower beds out front. The boy next door cut the grass this morning and I had to sweep up the clippings on the sidewalk; he was in a hurry, I told him not to worry about it. I meant to call; I just got caught up in things and it felt good to be outside for awhile."
"I know the feeling," the old woman replied. "I'd like to get outside to my flowers."
"We'll do it Saturday," Johanna told her; "The weather is supposed to be nice. I'll come over and make us lunch and then we'll go out and tend to your flowers for awhile."
"That would be nice," Elizabeth replied. "I thought you might be mad about me sending Andrew to your office today."
"No," she laughed. "I wasn't mad about that."
"I'm glad…I hadn't considered the possibility until I didn't hear from you after work."
"No, I wasn't mad. I just got caught up doing things here around the house. Did Andrew and Gabby come over?"
"Yes; they just left before I called you. I asked him how things went today and he said it went fine by his estimation but that I should probably ask you. So did it work the way we hoped?"
"Oh yeah, it worked. Sharon is in a tizzy about it…she told me it's sick, I have a problem, it's morally wrong and that I'm pretending he's Jim."
"Oh for God's sake!" Elizabeth exclaimed. "It was lunch not a hotel room."
"In Sharon's mind everything is about sex. She even asked me if I was sleeping with him."
"Oh my God! Why on earth do you put up with her?"
"Misguided loyalty," Johanna admitted; "But it's wearing thin and I'm about done with her. She called Katie after I left work and told her I was dating Andrew, that I was sick and that she thought I must be drinking again because I mentioned having wine at lunch."
"You haven't been drinking like that time in the past! One glass doesn't make you a drunk!"
"Yeah, well, it was enough to send Katie and her boyfriend over here to search my house for alcohol."
"They didn't!"
"They did. You should've heard her, telling me if I was seeing him it was going to end today because she wasn't going to approve of it; it was sick and wrong…then questioning me about my plans to retire because Sharon told her about that and then it was on to the drinking…and then telling me she doesn't like to come around because I can't go a day without mentioning Jim and she doesn't want to talk about him. I need to let it go."
"Sounds like she was a real ray of sunshine," Elizabeth remarked.
"Yeah...you know, when she was born, I felt complete…I had Jim and I had Katie…I was complete; I would've welcomed another child and loved it but it didn't happen…and now, I wish we had had another one…maybe the second child would have stayed close. It doesn't matter though, I only have one and I can't have anymore."
"It might not matter even if you had more, Johanna. Look at me; I have five kids…I lost Jimmy. William never comes home…rarely ever calls…sometimes I don't even recognize his voice when he does decide to call. Michael doesn't like to bother with me, neither does Madelyn…hell you're more my daughter than she is. The only one of my kids that comes around here is Andrew."
"I know," she murmured. "Katie informed me today that she also stopped coming around because she got a life and I need to get one too and then maybe I wouldn't be so emotionally needy."
"You should've slapped her right there in the yard."
"I thought about it but you know, she brought Rick with her because they were coming back from something work related when she stopped to yell at me."
"Yes; best not to have an audience. Andrew said he saw the little goon that's been bothering you at work."
"Yes; Calvin stared at him the whole time and made sure to comment about how I said I wasn't interested in dating. He was very unhappy with the situation."
"Good," Elizabeth stated; "Maybe he's getting the hint. Andrew said he'd be going back Friday to take you to lunch again."
"I'm looking forward to it. It's kind of nice to get one over on them," she admitted before growing quiet for a moment. "I lied to Katie today."
"About what?"
"I guess she started to feel guilty about how things were going today when she stopped to interrogate me…she said she'd come over for dinner Saturday…I told her I had a date."
"With Andrew?"
"No; I had to tell her the truth about that; I was afraid she might have a stroke over it. I told her it's someone else."
"Who?" Elizabeth asked.
"I made up a person from Columbia; I said I met him while I was teaching there and we talk online."
"There's nothing wrong with that…you said you wanted her to think that you were doing what they all want you to do."
"I know…but I made a mistake and I didn't realize it until hours later."
"What mistake?" her mother-in-law asked.
"She kept pressing me for a name…I said George Bailey."
"So? That's a normal sounding name for a man in your age bracket."
"It's the name of the main character in It's A Wonderful Life."
"Oh," Elizabeth said; "Well…that doesn't mean there isn't someone out there with that name…besides, Katie's young and self absorbed, she probably didn't make the connection."
"I guess we can hope."
"She's going to want to meet him eventually."
"Maybe not," Johanna said; "She and Rick seem to be moving further into the dating scheme of things so she'll be preoccupied with her own love life."
"That could be true…just so you know, I told Andrew to send you flowers at your office tomorrow…keep the goon squad on their toes."
"Liz, I don't expect Andrew to spend money on this ruse of mine. I tried to pay for my lunch today and he wouldn't hear of it."
"Well of course not; look at all the money you spend on Gabriella. He's not going to begrudge you a few lunches and some flowers…besides; I gave him the money for the flowers since it's my idea."
"Liz!"
"Oh shut up," she told her. "I can afford it. You're a lot of help to me and you don't make me feel like a burden while you're doing it…maybe I can help you a little with this…so just accept it."
"Okay," Johanna said softly; she wasn't going to hurt her mother-in-law's feelings. "I'm sure I'll have tales to tell over dinner tomorrow about the tizzy the office will be in."
"Good," Elizabeth said lightly. "I'm looking forward to it. I'll let you go now, I'm going to watch my show and get some sleep."
"Alright, Liz; I'll call you in the morning before work and then I'll be over to make dinner after work. Call if you need me."
"I will, goodnight, dear."
"Goodnight," Johanna said before ending the call. She sighed a little, glancing at the photo on her desk of her and Jim. "Well, honey; life has now come to your mother sending me flowers in your brother's name…and me lying to your daughter, making up a date named after a movie character. I'm not sure if this is going well or not…I guess only time will tell. I have to try to stop talking about you to Katie…she doesn't like it…and I do try sometimes not to but it doesn't always work. I'll have to try harder though…and not invite her to go shopping with me anymore. That brings back bad memories for her…I was too stupid to realize that. I know you're blaming yourself…don't, it's not your fault," she told him. "I feel like it's my fault a lot of times…I should've been a nosy wife, going through your files to see what you were working on…I should've pushed harder to get you to tell me more…but I knew the rules…after all, I couldn't tell you everything about my cases…but in hindsight, I should've tried harder when you were giving me vague answers…that was your way when you were dealing with something big…I was used to it…that's my fault. If I had known, I would've made you stop even if it meant losing your job…which is probably why you didn't tell me. That doesn't ease the feeling of guilt though. I could've stopped you…I know I could have."
She breathed deeply and then picked up her phone and empty tea cup, forcing herself out of her chair. She didn't want to get started dwelling on all of that again…she'd spent enough years doing that. It was better to find something to watch, plan what she was making Liz for dinner tomorrow…figure out how to play the hand she was dealt in regard to her daughter.
That evening, Jim sat in a bar with his friend Chuck, a glass of scotch in his hand. His friend was tip toeing around the subject so far but he knew that wasn't going to last for long; he was going to want to know his plans…know what he meant by saying he had fences to mend. It was hard to have friends when you were living a lie…it had been extremely difficult in the beginning when he was questioned about his life and if he had family. He couldn't lie and say he didn't…he didn't want to make the impression that he was a man mourning the loss of a wife and child…he was mourning the life he had to leave behind…the people he was hurting in the process…but he couldn't let them think they were dead. That was too worrisome of a lie because he worried every day that Johanna would somehow stumble across what he had been working on and would rush headlong into danger in an attempt of justice and revenge. He worried even more once he learned that his daughter had become a cop…and his worry had increased once he had heard of her shooting and knew she was chasing this thing that had taken him away from them.
Jim breathed deeply and took a long sip of his drink. She had solved the case…he was proud of her…but he hadn't ever wanted her involved with it; that had been his whole point in going along with the FBI…to keep Johanna and Katie safe. They had warned him if he didn't comply with what they wanted to stage, he would die…or, in the case he was able to thwart an attempt, they could take aim at his wife or daughter…or both…and he couldn't for a moment allow that possibility to exist.
And so he had allowed his death to be staged…allowed them to be told that he had been murdered in that alley like Bracken had wanted. His stomach soured a little and he took another drink in response. He hadn't ever thought that it would take so long for him to get home…every year that passed brought more frustration that he sometimes took out of Agent Highland. The agency hadn't done nearly enough in his opinion to get him home any faster. He felt like they hadn't been overly concerned with solving the problem that had taken him away from his family…but that was over now…because of Katie's effort that she should've never had to give. Just a few more weeks and he'd be home…he could explain and make it all up to them. He'd do everything he could to make it up to them.
"So what are your plans, Rob?" Chuck asked, breaking into his train of thought. "Why are you leaving the firm?"
"I'm going home," he remarked; "I need to mend those fences."
"You've been estranged from your daughter for a long time from what you told me," his friend remarked; "Why now? Are you sick?"
"No," he said honestly; "I'm healthy as a horse…but it's been long enough. I miss her…I want to try to get back in her life before I miss any more of it."
"Is she going to be open to that?"
"I hope so…I have to try anyway. I'm tired of missing out on her life. I just have to try."
Chuck nodded. "What else are you going to do?"
"Make amends with my mother…she's getting up there in age, I don't want to keep putting that off. I haven't seen my siblings in years either."
Chuck nodded. "You do seem to have been cut off from everyone…how did it ever come to be that way?"
He couldn't tell him the exact truth, not yet anyway; so he went back into the past when his marriage had been in peril. Things had been resolved then but he could use the story as his excuse. "I was working in a high pressure, fast paced firm…I got promoted and it went to my head. I didn't handle it well…I started drinking a lot…had to travel a lot so I was never around. It caused a lot of discord and riffs…until finally everything just came to a head and I lost it all. I couldn't stand to be there after that so I moved here and never went back. But it's time now; I need to make amends with my daughter, I need to ask for my mother's forgiveness…I need to win back my wife."
"Your wife?" Chuck repeated. "I thought you were divorced."
"We are," he lied; "But that was my doing, not hers…she didn't want to be divorced."
"Did you want it?"
Jim took another swallow of scotch; this was the problem with lying, it got sticky. "No, I didn't want it…but we were having a difficult time and I couldn't deal with it so it seemed like the best thing to do."
"It's been a long time, Rob. She may have moved on."
He shook his head. "She hasn't re-married."
"That doesn't mean she's not with someone. A lot of people just live together these days."
"I haven't found any evidence of there being someone else," he replied.
Chuck gave him a puzzled look. "Where have you been looking for evidence?"
He shifted in his seat. "I check her Facebook page."
His friend laughed quietly. "Really?"
"Yeah…it's the best way to look in on her so to speak."
"You really do still love her, don't you?"
"I never stopped," Jim said honestly. "Being apart didn't change that. I still love her more than anything. We're not together right now because of me…but I can fix it now."
"You don't know if her feelings are still the same though," Chuck remarked.
He didn't want to think or believe that Johanna would stop loving him. She had to…love like theirs didn't end. It was still there, he was sure of it…why else would she occasionally post old photos of them together? Seeing him again would be a surprise to her, he knew that…she might even be angry at first…but she had to still love him. "I have to try," he stated. "I have to know I tried."
"Well, I can understand that," his friend stated. "What does she look like?"
"She's beautiful," Jim replied. "Dark brown hair and the most beautiful green eyes I ever saw. When she smiles, the whole world lights up."
"Sounds pretty," Chuck said.
"Beautiful," he stated quietly, staring into the liquid in his glass. "She's beautiful in every way."
"I hope it works out the way you want it to," Chuck replied but he sounded skeptical.
"It will," he said with confidence. "I won't accept anything less. I've wasted enough years…it's time to go home, get back on track. I've got a lot of time to make up for."
"It still seems kind of sudden," his friend remarked.
"No," Jim replied; "It's not really…it's been a long time coming. I just had to wait for the right moment. The day I left them behind I stopped living in a lot of ways…it's time to live again; and I'm going to do it with them."
"It might not be as easy as you think."
"Maybe not," he remarked before swallowing the last sip of his scotch and signaling to the bartender to bring him another; "But I'll make it work somehow."