A/N: Thanks for your reviews; sorry for the delay!
Chapter 8
Jeff Campbell strolled into Johanna's office the next day with an easy smile on his lips, anticipating Sharon's reaction whenever she got around to turning her chair away from the computer to face him. Johanna had told him plenty about Sharon's nagging the night before as she nursed her glass of wine at the club they had gone to. He didn't like what he had heard; not about Sharon…or about Mark and even Cathy. Johanna didn't deserve harassment from her so called friends about the way she lived her life.
"Jeff," Sharon said as she finally turned her chair and acknowledged him. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm here to take Sassy to lunch," he answered.
Sharon's brown eyes widened. "Lunch?"
"Yeah; you know, that meal between breakfast and dinner. We have a lunch date."
"Date?"
Jeff gave a short laugh. "Are you pretending to be a parrot today?"
"No," she replied. "You don't mean an actual date, do you?"
"A date is a date, Sharon."
"You're saying you're taking her on a date?"
"Yes," he said with a nod. "A lunch date…not as good as the dinner date we had last night but it'll do."
"You went out with her last night?!"
"Yes," Jeff replied; amusement in his eyes. "We had a good time…sorry we didn't get a permission slip from you first."
"Do you really think it's a good idea?"
"It's always a good idea to have a good time."
"No," Sharon said; "I mean you two going on dates. You were Jim's best friend."
"I'm aware of that…but he's gone…and I figure if she has to date, he'd rather her be with me than someone asshole who wouldn't treat her right."
Sharon's brow rose. "She's been going to lunch with Andrew."
"I know," he replied; his tone conveying that he wasn't concerned about it.
"That doesn't bother you?"
"No, why should it? We never said we couldn't see other people; it's like a casual thing for now."
"I don't think it's right for you to date your dead friend's wife."
"Well I don't recall asking your opinion or your permission," Jeff stated. "Last time I checked I was well past the legal age of consent and quite capable of making my own decisions…as is Johanna, contrary to popular belief."
"I think if she wants to date she should pick someone who's not so firmly tied to Jim."
"And who have you selected for her?" he asked.
"There's a man here at work named Calvin who would love for her to give him a chance," Sharon stated; "But she's not going to if she keeps going for people she can pretend is Jim."
"She doesn't pretend that anyone is Jim," Jeff said tersely. "She told me all about the geek you want her to hook up with. She doesn't like him; she doesn't want him and it's never going to happen so you and Calvin can get that through your heads. She doesn't need you to pick who she sees; that's her decision not yours…and let's not forget that when it came time to pick a husband, I think she picked better than you did so I'm thinking her tastes are better than yours."
"That's a matter of opinion," Sharon retorted.
"That may be but the statement stands; now go tell Sassy I'm here."
Sharon rose from her chair with a huff. "You've never been interested in dating her before."
Jeff shrugged. "Things change. We have a lot in common and there's no reason for us not to spend time together."
"I think there are plenty of reasons why you shouldn't."
"Well lucky for us we don't give a damn what you think, Sharon."
Sharon's gaze narrowed. "If you want to do something, talk her out of this retirement nonsense."
"No, I won't," Jeff stated. "She wanted to quit years ago but didn't because she still had Katie to put through college and then after that she held on because work was all she had. She's tired, Sharon. She's been doing the job for thirty-nine years and she doesn't want to do it anymore. You don't have to retire if you don't want to but she is; she made the decision and I'll be damned if I'm going to tell her it's wrong. She has every right to retire."
"And what is she going to do with all that free time?" Sharon asked.
"Whatever the hell she wants," he replied. "Let me tell you something, Sharon; Johanna isn't a little girl who needs a babysitter and needs to be kept occupied at all times. Yes, she's a widow…yes, she had a few slipups those first few years without Jim but she got through them and she's fine. She needs friends, not wardens…and believe me, you fall in the warden category…so why don't you back off, mind your business a little more and let Johanna live her life the way she chooses. She's not hurting herself or anyone else. Now go get her so we can be on our way."
Sharon gave him a hint of a glare before she headed toward Johanna's door and pushed it open without knocking, slipping inside and closing it behind her.
Johanna glanced up from her papers at the intrusion. "What's up?"
"Jeff is here for your lunch date," Sharon replied; her tone holding an edge.
"Oh good," she said as she pulled off her reading glasses. "I didn't realize it had gotten that late."
"What are you doing, Jo?" her secretary asked.
Johanna looked at her in confusion. "I'm putting my glasses in their case so they don't get scratched in my purse."
"That's not what I'm talking about."
Johanna sighed. "And what are you talking about today?"
"This business with Jeff."
"What of it?"
"I thought you were seeing Andrew?"
"I do; he's taking me to lunch Friday and I'll be picking Gabby up from her soccer camp and keeping her for the weekend."
"Then what are you doing with Jeff?"
"Having a good time," she remarked. "Andrew knows I go out with Jeff and Jeff knows I go to lunch with Andrew; it's all fine."
"And is it fine if one of them sees someone else while also seeing you?"
"Yes; that's what it means to be non-exclusive," Johanna remarked; "Besides, I thought you'd want me to play the field since you're so interested in my love life."
"I think you've lost your damn mind," Sharon retorted; "First it's your brother-in-law and now it's your husband's best friend. Do you know how sick that is? I mean seriously, Johanna; you've got a problem."
"Yes, I do," she said with a nod; "You're part of it…but come September, you and everyone else in this building who likes to talk about me, judge me, control me and tell me what I should and shouldn't do will no longer be a problem…and believe me, I'm looking forward to it."
"Is that why you're retiring? Because you can't handle having friends who are concerned for you?" Sharon asked in outrage.
"No, I'm retiring because I don't want to do this anymore. Getting away from the so called 'concern' is just a bonus. I don't need any of you to tell me how to live."
"You say that like you actually do any living," her secretary stated. "All you've done the last thirteen years is wallow and mourn…down bottles of wine, run on the treadmill like you could run away from yourself and then topped it all off by burning yourself out and ending up in the hospital…"
"All of that was years ago," Johanna retorted.
"Except for the mourning and wallowing," Sharon remarked. "You've kept a strong grip on that."
"He's my husband to mourn. Maybe I love him more than you love Phil since you think the loss of a spouse is so easy to get over. Just because I don't jump in bed with a different man every week doesn't mean I don't live. I work, I have family, I have so called friends, I have things I like to do. My life is fine…but maybe yours is lacking, Sharon; maybe that's why you have so much time to stick your nose into things that aren't your business. You're not my mother. You don't tell me what to do, who to see, where to go. Neither does my daughter, which is why I've told you to quit making your little reports to her."
"Does she know about this thing with Jeff?" Sharon asked.
"Yes, she does," Johanna replied without missing a beat. Katie hadn't called the night before but since she had followed her for a portion of the evening, she knew for sure that her daughter was very aware of who she had gone out with.
"And what does she think of it?"
"She hasn't said; she has her own life to be occupied with."
"I'm sure she probably doesn't like it. Why don't you pick someone whose history isn't tied in with Jim's? You look so desperate going out with people who are connected to him."
"I'm not going out with Calvin, Sharon. If you think he's so great, you go out with him…after all, Phil had his little fling with a legal assistant there a few years ago so you may as well have a little fling of your own. Calvin is much more your type than mine."
Anger flashed in Sharon's eyes. "That's a low blow bringing up Phil's affair."
Johanna shrugged. "I think most of the things you say to me lately are a low blow…how do you like it? It stings a little, doesn't it?"
Sharon's lips pursed in annoyance. "Do what you want, Johanna; you always do anyway."
She smiled. "That's right, I do. I'll be back at one or a little after," she said as she grabbed her purse and headed for the door; Sharon following behind her.
Jeff smiled as she stepped out of her office and she returned the gesture as she moved to his side. "Sorry to keep you waiting," she told him as she accepted the kiss he pressed to her cheek.
"That's alright; but I was starting to worry," he said lightly. "Is there a problem?"
"No more than usual," Johanna replied; "I've got a pain in the ass but it's going to be removed come September."
Jeff glanced at Sharon, amusement in his gaze. "Hmm; I guess you got another Sharon lecture for your collection, Sassy."
"You could say that but I've chosen to disregard it. Where are we going for lunch?"
"Wherever you want; what do you feel like?" he asked.
"I feel like having a mimosa," she said lightly.
"Ah; well then we shall go to one of the fancy hotel dining rooms and have ourselves a fancy lunch."
"Nothing too expensive," she hurried to say, not wanting him to spend a fortune on lunch."
"Don't worry about it, Sassy; I know a fancy hotel with reasonable rates…I know the dining room hostess."
She laughed. "Should I ask?"
Jeff shook his head as he offered her his arm. "Probably not; I wouldn't want you to think less of me," he teased.
"Do you think mimosas are a good idea on a work day?" Sharon asked.
"I'm only going to have one, Sharon," Johanna replied. "I don't get drunk on one."
"You seem to be drinking a lot lately; wine with Andrew; now mimosas…I think you're heading back down that road."
"No, I'm not," Johanna snapped. "I can have a goddamn glass of wine when I want it and not be an alcoholic. If I want a mimosa, I'll have it and I'll stop at one. I always stop after one."
"She doesn't need your permission to have a drink, Sharon," Jeff remarked; "Plenty of ladies have mimosas at lunch…hell I've seen you drink on your lunch break so who the hell are you to judge?"
"I'm not the one who had a problem," the secretary retorted.
"Just because Johanna had a little period of time where she over indulged once in awhile due to stress and grief doesn't mean she needs admitted to the Betty Ford Center. Like she said, she can have one drink and be fine; she knows her limits. Leave her alone," Jeff told her. "Let's go, Sassy; before she tells us what we're allowed to eat for lunch."
"Good idea," Johanna said as he began to lead her away. "Sharon; if you're thinking of calling Katie; don't. She's at work and she doesn't appreciate the interruptions when they're about nonsense."
"Have a nice lunch," Sharon said snidely.
"I intend to."
"I see why you're anxious to get out of here, Sassy," Jeff said as they made their way up the hallway. "I couldn't put up with that level of meddling either."
"It gets worse all the time…and here comes another dose," she whispered; "Here comes Mark and Cathy."
"Jeff," Mark called out. "What are you doing in our neighborhood?"
"I'm picking up Sassy for our lunch date," he answered.
Cathy's brow rose. "I thought you had been going to lunch with that other man…your…brother-in-law," she said; as if the mere words left a sour taste in her mouth.
"I do go to lunch with Andrew but today I'm going with Jeff," Johanna replied.
Cathy eyed her. "I saw that picture on Facebook this morning of you and Jeff in front of the Roche building."
"Yeah," Jeff said; "We were out and about last night and ended up in front of the old stomping grounds…although I do still work there as a consultant. It's a good picture, I couldn't resist posting it."
"Yes, it is a nice picture," Cathy remarked, although her tone hinted that she wasn't so sure about the situation.
"What are you doing, Johanna?" Mark asked as he studied her.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean how adamant you were about not dating anyone…and now all of a sudden we've seen you with two different men in the span of what, a week? That's not the kind of person you are."
"Maybe I think it's time to be a different person," Johanna remarked. "It's not like I need anyone's permission. It's my life and I'll live it the way I want."
"Are you sure you're not having an 'issue' again?" he asked.
She rolled her eyes. "I'm not a fucking drunk, Mark; and I swear to God if you accuse me of it one more time, I'm going to walk out the door and I won't be back. You can take my caseload and deal with it because I'm sick of this! I didn't realize that socializing with men meant that I must be an alcoholic. I'm just doing what you all told me to do and you're still not satisfied."
"Well when you make such sudden changes and get so defensive, you can't blame people for worrying about your old habits," Mark replied, an edge to his tone.
"My so called habits only lasted a few months; I'm sorry that I didn't deal well with having my husband murdered. I mean, how dare I mourn him and feel lost without him; I had only been with him in one way or another for twenty-five years; I really should've just shrugged it off; we had a good run, right? Why be upset…why look for an escape? It was just my marriage that was gone…who cares, right? Because that's what it felt like…not many people gave a damn that he was gone…and so those people thought his wife should just get over it. Sorry I didn't do it right."
"Everyone cared that Jim was gone," Mark replied.
"No you didn't," she said with a shake of her head as tears glittered in her eyes. "You gave me two weeks and then called and said 'you really need to come back to work; it'll be good for you and if you don't come back this week I'm going to have to find someone else'…well guess what, Mark; I wasn't ready but I had a kid in college so I didn't have a choice but to come back at your command. You didn't care that I felt like dying; you just wanted me to get back to work…just like Stanley Carmichael didn't care that I had just buried my husband…he didn't even give me time to get out of the cemetery before he was on me about cleaning out Jim's office so he could be replaced. So no, I don't think many people cared that he was gone and even less cared about me. You all just wanted me to suck it up and move on…well it's easier said than done."
Mark sighed deeply. "I never meant to hurt you or imply that I didn't care, Johanna; but I did need you to get back to work. You had two weeks…what was more time off going to accomplish? It wasn't going to bring him back."
"Yeah; I know that…but maybe if I had more time, I could've put myself back together a little better…but I was kind of panicked at the time as I realized my household income was no longer as big as it used to be and I had Katie's tuition to pay; her books and supplies, clothes and food for her. All of the household bills were now only my responsibility…I didn't have anyone to share it with. I wasn't thinking straight…I wasn't thinking about every segment of our finances; I was only thinking about what wasn't coming in anymore. I was fine financially but it took me awhile to realize that. So I came back the day after you called me…I didn't want to. I cried the whole way here because I wasn't ready but I couldn't afford to lose my job."
"I'm sorry if I made you feel like we didn't care; we did…and we did need you here and we did think it would be best for you to get back to some normalcy."
"Nobody knew what was best for me," she remarked; "Everyone thought they did; but they didn't…and maybe that's part of why I had those bad habits for awhile…did you ever think about that?"
"No," Mark answered; "Your habits are no one's fault but your own. You wanted to wallow, so you wallowed…you still do. I don't know what the hell you're doing now but whatever it is, more power to you, Jo. I'd like to think you'll figure yourself out eventually but you still haven't after thirteen years so I really don't think it's possible at this point."
"I didn't say it was all one person's fault," Johanna replied; "I said 'part of' the reason. I don't need to figure myself out; I know all about myself. The problem is you all think you know me better than I know myself and you're wrong; but don't worry, come September you won't have to be bothered by me any longer."
"I wish you'd rethink it," he stated.
"I'm not," Johanna said firmly. "Not for a single moment."
"I don't think you've really thought it through; you're doing this because you're angry at everyone for some reason," Cathy stated; breaking her silence.
"She's thought about it plenty," Jeff stated; "She's been thinking about it for a long time and she made the decision. She's a grown woman who knows her own mind and doesn't make any decision on a whim of fickleness. She doesn't need your permission to retire…to date someone…to have a goddamn drink if she wants one. You all act like because she's a widow that she needs someone to think for her; well she doesn't and you all need to back off and keep your noses out of her business. She doesn't stick her nose in your business."
"It's not like that," Mark retorted; "You don't see her every day; if you did, you'd worry too about her behavior at times."
"I see her plenty," Jeff remarked; "She's fine. You haven't walked in her shoes, Mark; you haven't been through what she's been through…and until you have been through it; don't judge her for how she handles a damn thing because who says you'd handle it any better if it was your spouse…if it was your kid who got shot in front of your eyes. So you chew on that for awhile, Mr. Perfect."
"Come on, Jeff," Johanna said, giving his arm a soft squeeze. "Let's go; I'm hungry."
He gave her a soft smile; his hand moving to cover hers as it rested on the crook of his elbow. "Let's go, Sassy."
"I'll be back after one," Johanna said to Mark; "Please, no phone calls to my daughter. She has a dangerous job and she doesn't need distracted by foolishness."
"I have no intentions of calling Katie," Mark stated.
"Good," she said as they walked away.
"You definitely have to get the hell out of here, Jo," Jeff remarked. "I mean you need to put on your sneakers and run far away from this place. You're going to be a much happier woman with this bullshit behind you."
Johanna nodded. "I feel the same way…and it makes me sad in a way. I used to feel like I was among friends here but they haven't really seemed like my friends in a long time."
"I know," he said; punching the button for the elevator and then wrapping an arm around her shoulders in a supportive embrace. "I know you've told me how it's been around here but seeing it for myself; it's worse than I thought."
"Some days are worse than others."
The elevator dinged and the doors slid open, revealing Calvin who glared at her. Johanna rolled her eyes; they were making a complete run of the building today she thought to herself.
"Well, Johanna," Calvin said snidely; "For someone so against dating you've done paraded two different men through the office like a bimbo."
"Who the hell is this bastard?" Jeff asked angrily.
"Calvin," she answered.
"I see," he said as he glared at the man; "Well let me tell you something, Calvin; if I ever hear you call her something like that again, I'll wrap my hands around your neck and squeeze until your head pops off; do you understand me you little weasel? This woman has more class in her little finger than you have in your whole body so don't you ever call her a bimbo or anything other than her name again."
"Who do you think you are?" Calvin asked.
"I think I'm the man who could make you eat your teeth if you push your luck," Jeff replied; his tone deadly serious. "I understand that Sharon has built your hopes up of having a chance with Johanna but she's not interested…and instead of acting like a petulant teenager; take your rejection like a man and move on."
Calvin glared at them and stormed away as they stepped onto the elevator. "Good lord, we haven't even made it off the floor and we already hit all the main thorns in my side," Johanna declared as the doors closed.
"Christ, Jo; I don't know how you haven't lost your mind," Jeff replied. "See you have way more mental stamina then they give you credit for…and let's be honest; if this was the seventies; 20-something Jo probably would've done slapped the hell out of a few people."
Johanna laughed softly. "Hell, sixty-one year old Johanna wants to slap people…I just don't because they'd probably have Katie commit me."
"I wouldn't let that happen," he quipped.
"I hope not," she laughed. "I do worry about that sometimes…she could put me away one day; Jim's not here to overrule her and I don't have any other kids to overrule her. I really screwed up not having a second kid."
"Don't worry, Sassy; I won't let Katie put you away…and you make sure my kids don't put me away."
"Deal," she said, leaning into him for a quick hug. "We have to look out for each other."
"Damn straight," he agreed; telling himself that he was going to make it a point to be a frequent visitor to her office until she retired. She didn't need to be putting up with these things alone.
"So, any word from Katie?" Jeff asked after they settled in with their lunches.
Johanna shook her head. "Not a peep."
"What do you make of that?" he asked. "I thought she'd be calling you up last night to see if I took you home or ran off with you."
"I'm not sure what to make of it," she admitted; "Unless she's just waiting to do it in person; she's supposed to come over to Elizabeth's tonight for dinner but we'll see if she really does. She usually makes up some last minute excuse not to come."
"You know I love her but she kind of reminds me of Jim's sister a little," Jeff replied. "She kind of acts like Madelyn at times."
"Oh I know," Johanna said as she scooped up a bite of her lunch. "I'd like to smack it out of her but I'm afraid she might shoot me and stage it to look like I did it to myself."
He nodded. "I understand…she would know how to do that and the cops are going to take her word for it because they're her friends."
"Right; so you know…I have to mind myself to an extent…because she knows I won't use my gun on her. I think she would use hers on me though."
Jeff gave a quiet laugh. "Do you really? All kidding aside?"
"Yeah; I think she would. She's not exactly president of my fan club anymore."
He gave her a sad smile. "She loves you, Jo."
Johanna shook her head. "She says she does but I'm not always so sure that she really means it. Sometimes I feel like she hates me…I especially felt that way when she did a semester abroad and only stayed in contact enough to let me know she was still alive. Jim always said she was my shadow and that she was closer to me than him but I think he was wrong…because when died, she pushed me away like I had the plague and everything she's done in the years following has been for him. She wanted answers and she found them eventually…and even with the closure she said she needed; she still doesn't want me around. She finally told me that she doesn't like to shop with me which is why she bails on me."
"Why doesn't she like to shop with you?"
"Because we were shopping when Jim died...and I admit; I don't really know how to take that. I mean I'll respect her wishes and never invite her to go out shopping with me again…but it's like she's saying it's my fault that it happened because we went shopping…so I feel like she blames me. I've always felt that way…that she blames me for what happened…because I didn't know what he was working on and I wasn't able to stop it. She blames me…I don't know if she realizes that but she does. That's why she pushed me away."
"I don't think she really blames you, Jo; she's just afraid of it happening again," Jeff replied. "But like I said last night; you need to start pushing back. Don't let her get away with the things she does that upsets you…like when she follows you. You're still the mother; take some of the control back."
"It's not as easy as it sounds."
"Yeah it is; just be your sassy self…that fire is in there; all you have to do is strike the match and it'll come naturally. Say what you need to say to her instead of being afraid of it…I know she's your baby; that she's all you have left of Jim…but Jo; you can't let that fear of her walking away rule you. She might go away for a few weeks but she'll come back; I don't doubt that at all."
"You don't?"
"No, I don't…in fact, I'm positive she'll always come back," Jeff remarked; "But it is odd that she didn't call to complain about our evening out."
"It is odd…unless she's saving it to do in person. She's supposed to come over to Elizabeth's tonight for dinner."
Jeff grinned. "Ah, dinner entertainment."
"That's my guess unless she bails on us again."
"Oh she's probably not going to bail if she hasn't called…she's saving it up for in person," Jeff laughed. "Let me know how it goes."
"Oh I will," she replied; amusement in her tone.
"And since our picture on Facebook this morning was popular, let's take another one," Jeff said as he shifted his chair around to be closer to her so that they'd both fit into the photo.
"Trying to tick off Mark and Cathy?" Johanna asked with a laugh.
"A little bit…Sharon too since she's on our friends lists," he quipped. "Smile real pretty, Sassy."
She leaned closer and smiled for the picture; a part of her enjoying that it would probably send her friends into a tizzy.
"There," Jeff said after he took the photo; "That's another pretty one, I'm going to post it now."
Johanna laughed. "You just can't wait to stir them up, can you?"
"Hell no," he said lightly as he uploaded the photo to Facebook and tagged Johanna in it so it would show up on her page as well. "Let's see if we get any likes or comments before lunch is over."
"What if it's a comment we don't like?" she asked, humor in her eyes.
"I'll take care of those," Jeff promised as he moved his chair back to its original spot; "Don't you worry about that. How's Jim's mother doing?"
"She's doing alright; I'm over there four nights a week for the most part unless I have something to take care of then Andrew takes an extra night or Angie goes over. I make her dinner and stay upstairs while she gets her shower in case she'd need help. I wash her hair for her because she can't raise her left arm too high…she never did regain full mobility of her left arm and hand but other than that she's doing pretty well for a woman her age."
"Good; I'm glad to hear that."
"How's your mother?" she asked.
"She's doing fine now that they've got her blood pressure under control."
"Good; I know how much you worry about her."
Jeff smiled. "Seems like we're always worried about someone, doesn't it?"
"Yeah," she said with a nod; "But I guess that's the way of life."
"I guess so."
Her phone dinged with a notification and she picked it up. "Oh, we've gotten our first like," she told him.
"Who's it from?"
"Maggie," she replied as she met his eye.
Jeff breathed deeply. "Maggie…"
Another ding signified a second notification. "She's left a comment."
"What does it say?"
Johanna opened the notification and read the comment aloud. "I wish I was at that reunion."
"Really?"
"Look at it and see for yourself."
Jeff opened up Facebook and read the comment for himself. "I wish she was here too…no offense to you of course; what kind of date am I?"
Johanna laughed. "A pretend one who loves someone else and I'm not offended in the least."
"I'm glad you're not offended," he replied; "I wouldn't ever want to hurt you, Sassy."
"I know that," she assured; "But did you think about what we talked about last night in regard to Maggie."
"I think about it all the time."
"So do you want her number?" Johanna asked.
Jeff took a breath. "I do…but I feel like that might be rushing into something or that it might be awkward; maybe I should start off slow…like, I don't know…do you think she would accept a friend request on Facebook."
She couldn't help but laugh. "Really? We're going with Facebook first?"
"Hey, I don't know how to do this thing," he remarked; his eyes gleaming with amusement. "Do you think she would?"
"I guess there's one way to find out," she said as she picked up her phone and sent a text to Maggie asking if she'd be willing to accept a friend request from Jeff.
"What did you do?" Jeff asked.
"Sent a text asking her if she'll accept a friend request. I'm pretty sure I know the answer but we'll ease your mind about it," Johanna said as her phone chimed. "And there she is now…and as I thought, she'd be happy to accept your friend request…so go ahead and send it."
"Do you think it's the right thing to do?"
"If I didn't, would I have texted and asked her? I would've just said 'no, that's a stupid idea."
Jeff laughed. "See, Sassy is in there; you just have to let her out."
"Send that request, Jeff."
He went to Maggie's Facebook page and sent the request and then quickly closed his app; afraid that his hopes would be dashed. "Did you send it?" Johanna asked.
"Yes…now we see if she accepts it," he replied as his phone alerted him to a notification.
"I have a feeling that's your acceptance," Johanna remarked.
A smile broke across his lips as he checked his phone. "She accepted my friend's request," he said as he went to her page; studying her profile picture.
"Of course she accepted it."
"She's still beautiful," he commented as he continued to study the photo.
"Did you think she wouldn't be?"
"I knew she would be…it's just that I haven't really allowed myself to look."
"Well now you're Facebook friends so you can look a lot," Johanna said lightly; "Maybe you'll work up to calling."
"I think she just messaged me on Facebook," he said; slight panic in his tone.
Johanna's brow rose. "Did she?"
"She did," he nodded as he opened the message. "What do I do now?"
She laughed. "It depends, what did she say?"
"She said 'hey stranger'…that's what she always said when I came back from business trips," he said wistfully.
"That should be a good sign, shouldn't it?"
"Maybe…but I don't know what to do here. What do I say?" he asked; his tone still slightly panicked.
"How about saying 'Hello'," she laughed.
"That doesn't sound like me," Jeff remarked.
"What?" she said with a laugh.
"Just saying hello doesn't sound like me! I mean she said something that I know sounds like her…I can hear her voice in my head saying it."
"Jeff; you're over thinking this."
"No, I'm not…I'm trying not to blow it."
"You're not going to blow it," she said as a text popped up on her phone that made her laugh once more. "Did I spook him?" Maggie wrote. "Did I blow it already?"
"Oh God; you two really do belong with each other," Johanna said; "Maggie's afraid she spooked you by messaging so you better think up a reply," she told him as she typed back an assurance to Maggie that she hadn't blown it. "Say to her whatever you used to say when she said hey stranger to you."
"Is it appropriate to say 'Hello Beautiful' to your ex-wife?" he asked.
"Yeah; I think it's okay in your case since you still love her."
"You're sure?"
"Yes! Stop being a doofus and do it!"
Jeff gave a short laugh and typed the message and sent it. "This must be what it's like to be a teenager in this generation."
Johanna nodded. "Yeah; I did go through a similar scenario with Gabby a few weeks ago when she was agonizing about sending her crush a friend request."
"How did it turn out for her?"
"They went to the end of school dance together…I had to drive them; Andrew couldn't handle it…at all."
Jeff laughed. "I remember that feeling when Chrissy went to her first school dance. But hey if it worked out for Gabby; maybe it'll work out for me too."
"I think it will…and hey, contact has been established now…and when you're ready for the phone number; I've got it," Johanna told him.
"I'm just going to take it slow for now," Jeff said, smiling as another message popped up on his screen from Maggie; telling him that she knew he was at lunch with Johanna but that she wouldn't mind chatting later if he wanted. He sent a reply telling her he would like that and then laid his phone down.
Johanna smiled at him. "It'll work out…just go slow like you said…and I'll be happy for both of you when it works out the way you want it to."
"I know you will be…I just wish I could give you a second chance," Jeff said quietly; seeing the hint of sadness lingering in her eyes.
"Some things just aren't in the cards…but it doesn't mean I can't be happy for you," she told him; although that soft spot in her heart was stinging, wishing she too could have that second chance.
"Is Katie coming tonight?" Elizabeth asked that evening once Johanna sat down at the table after she had checked dinner.
"I don't know, I haven't heard from which is unusual considering that I went out last night and she knows it."
"Did she discover who you went with?" her mother-in-law asked.
"She knows," Johanna said with a nod.
"And she didn't call to yell?"
"No…I figure that will be tonight's dinner show if she decides to grace us with her presence."
The sound of the front door opening and closing sounded through the house, making Johanna glance at Elizabeth. "I think our guest has arrived," she whispered.
"This should be good," the old woman stated; "I have a few things I'd like to get off my mind."
"Mom!" Katie's voice called out.
"In the dining room," Johanna called back.
The sound of footsteps neared and Kate entered the room, barely looking at her mother as she did so.
"Who's that?" Elizabeth asked, waving a hand at Kate.
Johanna smiled. "That's your long lost granddaughter Katie."
Kate rolled her eyes as she pulled out a chair at the dining room table so that she could sit down.
"Katie?" Elizabeth said sarcastically. "You mean she still lives around here?"
Johanna nodded. "That's what I've heard."
"We don't see much proof of it, do we?" the old woman asked. "I don't even think she came around here on Mother's Day."
"You're not my mother," Kate stated.
"I'm your grandmother and I deserve to be commemorated you little twit," Elizabeth remarked.
"Don't feel bad, Liz," Johanna said; "I am her mother and on Mother's Day she called me and had me come out to her car to accept a card that she practically threw out the window at me before she drove off."
"I had to get to a crime scene!" she exclaimed.
"God forbid they have to call someone else," Elizabeth replied. "Clearly the NYPD only has one detective on the payroll. She only gave you a card; no gift?"
"Gift card," Johanna replied; "Nature's way of providing daughter's with the easy way out when it comes to gift shopping."
Elizabeth shook her head. "Shameful…just a shameful little brat. But at least you got a card; I didn't even get a card from her."
"Oh my God," Kate muttered; "Really?"
"They do have Mother's Day cards for grandmothers," Johanna remarked.
"My deepest apologies, Grandma,"
"Mhmm," her grandmother said; "You're not sorry; you never are. You don't even have enough of a conscience to feel guilty about your level of neglect when it comes to the family."
"Here we go," Kate said; "Do we really have to do this every time I come over?"
"You say every time like you came around much in the first place," Elizabeth remarked; "You ungrateful little brat. I was good enough to babysit you, wipe your ass when you were a baby, take you to church parties and a hundred other things you clearly didn't appreciate."
"Take it up with Mom, I didn't ask you to babysit me," Kate retorted.
"Katherine Houghton," Johanna snapped; "Don't take that tone with your grandmother."
"Tell her not to take a tone with me!" Kate exclaimed.
"You deserve it; you're a neglectful granddaughter."
"That's right brat," Elizabeth remarked. "You think you're better than us; well you're not."
"I don't think I'm better!" Kate yelled. "I just have a life."
"Oh yes, we know," her grandmother said dramatically. "You're so busy being super cop and when you're not arresting people you have to spend your time getting your head wedged up that writer's ass. I'm surprised you got it pulled out in time for dinner."
"Are you jealous?" she asked.
Elizabeth scoffed. "You don't have anything to be jealous of. When I was your age I owned my own home and had my own car, had been married for twelve years and was the mother of five children. What the hell do you have? Not a damn thing except a shiny piece of tin and a gun."
"I'm aware of the fact that you don't like my job, Grandma."
"I don't like it. You should've gone to law school like you had planned on doing. Police work is best left to men."
"That's sexist," Kate stated; "You don't think women should be cops but you think its fine for them to be lawyers?"
Elizabeth nodded. "I don't have a problem with women being lawyers or doctors or even construction workers. I just think police and military should be for men. Let them do that; women do everything else. Besides, you need to be worried about making babies not getting yourself shot full of holes and collecting scars from knives, burns and whatever the hell else you've gotten into over the years. You're a pretty girl; you don't need to do these things."
"If I didn't do my job," Kate said sharply; "We wouldn't have known who killed Dad. We would've never known the truth; could you live with that?"
"If it meant not seeing you with a bullet in your chest, you're damn right I could have," Elizabeth replied. "I lived thirteen years without knowing who did it…and it was hard enough burying my son; I didn't want to have to bury my granddaughter…if it had come to that, your mother and I would've been laid out beside you, Katie; we wouldn't have been able to take it."
"I'm fine," she retorted.
"Now you are; but you weren't when you were laying in that hospital. I'm not saying I'm not glad that the bastard is behind bars, I am…but I think your daddy would've rather you live your life to the fullest then take the chance of getting killed chasing something that wasn't going to bring him back."
"Well I don't recall asking anyone's opinion," Kate replied. "I'm a grown woman; I do what the hell I want."
"Go make babies goddamn it," Elizabeth said sternly. "You're not getting any younger and neither am I."
"Maybe I'm not worried about making babies," she snapped.
An anguished groan slipped across Johanna's lips. "You're not going to give me grandchildren, are you?"
"I don't know, Mom," she said sharply; "If I do, it'll probably be because I forgot to take my pill. It's not something I'm actively pursuing at the moment."
Johanna sighed deeply. "Great, now I don't have anything to look forward to in my old age. No husband to travel with…no grandchildren to hold…it just gets better all the time."
Kate rolled her eyes. "You know I've never been much of a baby person, Mom."
"It's different with your own baby, Katie," Johanna shot back.
"If it happens, it happens," Kate stated. "I'm not particularly worried about it at the moment."
"So I've been hoarding money in an account all these years for nothing," Johanna stated.
"What do you mean?" her daughter asked.
"I have money to leave to my grandchildren," she retorted. "What the hell am I supposed to do with all my money if you don't give me a grandchild!?"
"What do you mean 'all' your money? Did you suddenly hit the lottery?"
"I've got plenty of money, Katie. I could've quit my job years ago and been fine. You think I'm stupid but I'm not; your father might've taken care of our investments but he made sure that I knew how to care for them too. I have stocks and bonds, money in accounts that are older than you. I've got plenty and I intended to leave the majority of it to my grandchildren…but now that you've seemingly confirmed that I'm not going to have any, I guess I'll start spending more."
"You still have me," Kate replied.
"You'll get money plus the house and my jewelry; some of which has been passed down through the family and is worth a pretty penny all on it's own…but I had intended for my estate to be divided between you and your children. If you don't give me grandchildren, I'll just have to have that one account divided up between the nieces and nephews."
"I'm not sharing my inheritance with Gabby!"
"Did I say Gabby was the only one getting anything?" Johanna asked. "I said nieces and nephews…my favored ones. The account I've kept money in for my grandchildren has a tidy sum in it, Katie. I would give some to Gabby, some to Greg, Claire and Trevor, some to Angie, Mikey, Danny and Alicia; I'd give some to Samantha and Lindsey."
"I'm your daughter," Kate said; "If you don't have grandchildren, rightfully it should all fall to me."
"No; it falls to who I say it goes to," Johanna retorted. "You'll have the majority of everything I owe, Katie. If I want to divide that one account up between certain nieces and nephews, I will and once I put it in a legal document, there's not a damn thing you cane do about it especially with you inheriting the biggest portion of my estate."
"Yeah," Elizabeth stated; "Who do you think you are to tell your mother who she can leave money to? What's your problem with Gabby? She's a little girl who loves you…although why I don't know since you don't seem to like her much."
"I like Gabby fine," Kate replied; "She just needs to remember that my mother isn't her mother."
Elizabeth's brow rose. "Aren't you a little old to be having jealousy over your mommy?"
"I'm not jealous; I just know she's desperate to have a mother and mine's already taken."
"Grow up," Elizabeth told her. "Gabby's allowed to have a loving relationship with her aunt and Johanna's allowed to leave her money to as many people as she wants. I've cut people out of my will."
"You have?" Kate asked.
"Oh yes, I completely re-did my will," Elizabeth stated; "I asked your mother to get me a lawyer who handles those things because I know she doesn't. She brought that nice man Zach Nelson over and he redid it for me. I used to have all of my kids in the will…but since William doesn't seem concerned with ever coming around to see me when I'm alive, he doesn't need to show up and collect a check when I'm gone. I cut him out…I cut his kids out too since they always stick their nose up at me the few times they've been around to see me. Mr. Nelson advised me to leave William one dollar so that he can't contest the will and that's what I did. Then I got to thinking about smart ass Madelyn…and I cut her out too with the exception of one dollar. She wanted to put me away in that nursing home and forget I existed…well she can forget about my money. Michael was the same way and he hardly comes around so he gets a dollar too. Madelyn's kids aren't getting anything either. Andrew is the executor of my estate; he'll inherit the largest portion…the portion that was to go to your father now goes to your mother along with a few other things I want her to have, like my mother's china and a few pieces of my jewelry. Mikey, Angie, Danny and Alicia will get the portion of money that was supposed to go to Michael. Alicia is to take my engagement ring and Angie is to take my anniversary ring and they can both have any other jewelry of mine they want with the exception of the pieces I specify that go to others. The boys are to take anything of their grandfather's they want that I haven't already given them. I started a trust fund for Gabby when she was born, she can have it when she's twenty-one…she also gets this house when she turns twenty-one; until she's of age, it'll be in Andrew's care unless of course by some miracle I'm still around by the time she's twenty-one; in which case she's free to move in with me and it'll still be her house in the end…"
"Why does Gabby get the house!?" Kate exclaimed.
"Because you're getting your mother's house!" Elizabeth yelled back. "Just like Alicia is getting my engagement ring because you'll be getting your mother's one day…and Angie's getting my anniversary ring because she's always been fond of it. Don't worry; I'm leaving you money and jewelry too; you're getting my birthstone ring that your grandfather bought me; you're also getting the sapphire earrings your father bought me for Christmas one year and a few other things you'll find out when the time comes. The point of all this is that no one gets to dictate who someone gives their money to."
"Why are we even talking about this?" Kate asked; "Neither one of you are going anywhere any time soon so let's just drop this topic."
"Promise us a grandchild and we will," Elizabeth retorted.
"Fine," she replied; "I promise at least one grandchild. Can we eat now?"
Johanna glanced at her watch. "In another five minutes; it's not done yet."
Kate sighed deeply. "What are we having?"
"Lasagna; it's what your grandmother wanted."
"Yes, some people care about what I want," Elizabeth stated.
"Is that some dig at me?" her granddaughter asked.
"Yes; it's called digging at you because you never come around, brat."
"Maybe it's because you call me a brat."
"If you came around and called once in awhile I wouldn't have to call you a brat."
"I'll try to call more often."
Elizabeth smirked at her. "Don't hurt yourself."
Kate's gaze narrowed at her. "Instead of yelling at me; why don't you yell at your daughter-in-law for dating your son's best friend?"
Elizabeth smiled, her gaze shifting to Johanna. "Did you have a nice evening with Jeff, dear? We didn't get to talk long this morning because you had to get to court."
"I had a very nice time," Johanna replied.
"Good; I'm glad. You deserve to go out and enjoy yourself."
"You know about this, Grandma?" Kate asked.
"Of course I know; your mother and I don't have many secrets between us."
"And you're fine with her going out with Jeff?"
"Yes," Elizabeth said with a nod. "Why wouldn't I?"
"Gee, I don't know; maybe out of some loyalty to your son?" Kate suggested.
"Your mother has always been loyal to my son," Elizabeth retorted. "I don't begrudge her the company of someone else now that's gone and she's observed an appropriate amount of time after his passing."
"A woman isn't supposed to date her husband's best friend."
"That rule doesn't pertain to women who are widowed," her grandmother stated.
"Well I think it does."
"Nobody asked your opinion," Johanna remarked as the timer went off in the kitchen. "I'll go get dinner."
Kate shot a look at her grandmother once Johanna had disappeared through the swinging door that separated the kitchen from the dining room. "You really have no problem with her dating Jeff?"
"No, I don't," Elizabeth declared. "Jeff is a nice man; he was a good friend to your father; he's a good friend to your mother. They have things in common and they could be quite comfortable together."
"I can't believe you. I guess you're fine with the little game of pretend she and Andrew have going on too."
"Of course I am; it was my idea," the old woman crowed; "It's working quite nicely except for the part where you got a phone call and headed to your mother's like a bat out of hell to lecture her about her life choices."
"It seemed like someone should. I don't approve of her dating her brother-in-law."
"Apparently you don't approve of her dating anyone."
"I have no problem with her dating as long as it's someone who has no connection to my father."
Elizabeth shot her a look. "That's stupid. Why shouldn't she date someone who knew Jimmy? It probably makes it easier…they already know what happened to him; she doesn't have to explain it and dig up all that hurt."
"I just don't approve of her going out with Jeff…and to tell you the truth, even if it is pretend, I don't approve of this thing with Andrew either."
"Well it's a good thing she doesn't need your approval," Elizabeth retorted; "Because she doesn't you know; she's a grown woman…she knows her mind and she's been in this world longer than you have. She's more than capable of making her own decisions; she doesn't need little miss know it all doing it for her. You yell that she needs to find a man so you don't have to be bothered with her and when she tries to, you get your panties in a knot…that is if you wear any…knowing you you probably don't."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Kate asked.
"You know what it means; you've walked around acting like little miss hot pants since you were in college."
"I do not!"
"Half the time you were dressed no better than a streetwalker," Elizabeth remarked.
"That's not true!"
"It is in regard to some of your outfits that I remember from college," Johanna said as she carried two plates into the room, sitting one down in front of Elizabeth and then one in front of Kate.
"Mom!"
"Well it's the truth; I remember yelling at you for those outfits."
"See, we're not lying," Elizabeth remarked; "Now go help your mother carry in the breadsticks and salads."
"Why don't you? You can carry the bread," Kate replied. "You're not helpless."
"Katherine Houghton," Johanna said sharply; "Your grandmother is ninety years old; the least you can do is carry a plate for her."
"I know how old she is, but isn't it better for her to do some things?"
"She does," her mother retorted. "She makes her own breakfast and lunch. She gets tired; I carry the dinner to the table. I'll carry everything in myself; I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself."
"I'll help you," Kate replied; "I just thought maybe she should do something."
"She does plenty; which you'd know if you ever spent some time with her," Johanna remarked.
Kate rolled her eyes and followed her mother to the kitchen so she could grab the bowls of salads as Johanna grabbed the plates of breadsticks. They then made another trip for drinks and Johanna's plate of lasagna. Finally, when they were settled with their meals, Elizabeth reopened the topic that had been left hanging.
"So you had a nice time last night," Elizabeth stated as she looked at her daughter-in-law.
"I did," she replied; although she still felt a little guilty for it. "We had a very nice dinner and we walked around a bit…went to a nice little club to hear a band, had a few drinks…danced a little."
"That sounds very nice," her mother-in-law replied. "Are you going to go out again?"
"Jeff came by the office today and took me to lunch," Johanna remarked.
"What!?" Kate exclaimed.
Johanna regarded her with a raised brow. "Jeff stopped by the office and took me to lunch."
Disgust flicked across Kate's features. "Seriously, Mom?"
"Yes…what's wrong with that?"
"It's not right! He's Dad's best friend! You don't date your husband's best friend!"
"Her husband is gone," Elizabeth stated; "She's allowed to see whoever she wants."
"I can't believe you approve of this," Kate retorted.
Elizabeth nodded. "Why not? Like I said, Jeff is a nice man and I know Jimmy would want Johanna to see someone who he was sure would treat her with respect and kindness."
"It's not right!"
"It's not right for you to follow me either," Johanna retorted; "But you do it anyway."
I wouldn't follow you if you didn't play games," Kate replied. "I worry about what you're up to when you don't tell me things."
"You don't need to worry about me. I take care of myself just fine."
"Yeah; that's why you got a concussion when you were drunk. It's why you lost too much weight during your gym obsession. It's why they found you lying on the floor of your office when you finally burned yourself out," Kate shot back.
"That was years ago," Johanna said sharply; "And don't sit there and act like you're a saint. You drink…you were so drunk when I got to Vegas to drag you out of a wedding chapel that I didn't think I'd ever be able to sober you up. You put it away as well as your father did…oh forgive me, I forgot I'm not supposed to mention him to you," she said sarcastically.
"I never said you couldn't mention him," her daughter stated.
"You pretty much did."
Kate rolled her eyes. "You take everything the wrong way."
"There's not many ways to take it, Katie; and it's not the main point of this conversation. The point of this conversation is that I'm sick of you following me around like I'm your fourteen year old daughter. I'm the mother, you're the child," Johanna stated. "You don't tell me what to do. You don't tell me who to see. You don't follow me around…because if you think I don't know you were following me last night; you're wrong. Jeff drove right past you and you didn't even notice because you were occupied with your boyfriend. We also saw you come into the restaurant."
"She followed you into the restaurant?!" Elizabeth exclaimed.
"Yes!"
'What the hell is wrong with you, Katie!" Elizabeth said as she looked to her granddaughter. "Who do you think you are spying on your mother like that? She's not one of your damn suspects!"
"I followed her to find out what was going on," Kate retorted. "I wanted to see if it was a real date or not."
"That's none of your damn business either," her grandmother told her. "Why don't you worry about your own affairs and let your mother live her life the way she wants. You don't get to tell her what to do! You tell her to date, she does and you act like you need to approve the man and where she goes. That's none of your business; you ought to be ashamed of yourself."
"Well I'm not," Kate replied. "I just like to make sure she's fine."
"That warrants a phone call," Elizabeth said; "Not you and your boyfriend out playing Cagney and Lacey."
"I did it because I care!"
"No, you did it because you think I'm stupid and that I can't be trusted to live my own life," Johanna said sharply; "Well last night better be the last time you follow me, Katie; because if it isn't; I'm coming down to the precinct and I'm going to embarrass the hell out of you…I might even bring pictures."
"You wouldn't," Kate said, her tone low and angry.
Johanna held her gaze. "You just try me, little girl. You just try me. I'm sick of this…sick of people at work trying to control my life; sick of you getting to act like you can tell me what to do. No one tells me what to do but me so you better remember that you're my daughter, not my mother. I don't know what's gotten into you lately but you better get over it."
"Me!" she exclaimed; "What's gotten into you? All of a sudden you're retiring and going on fake dates at work and now going out with Jeff. None of it makes sense."
"We already discussed my retirement," Johanna replied. "I also already explained to you why Andrew has been taking me to lunch. As for Jeff; you wanted me to go out with someone so I am. I had a very nice time last night; we had a nice lunch today."
Kate shot her a look as she stuck her fork into her piece of lasagna. "Well I guess a few months from now you'll be telling me he's my new daddy."
Fury flooded Johanna's features. "Don't you ever say anything like that again," she said angrily. "I am never going to remarry…let me make that very clear to you since you think you know it all about what's best for me and how I should live my life. There will never be another marriage for me; so you don't have to worry about having a step-father. As for me seeing Jeff; that's none of your damn business. I don't care if you approve or not; you've never cared if I approved of who you were seeing so why should I care about your opinion on who I spend time with?"
"I just think it would be nice if you picked someone who didn't have a connection to my father!" Kate yelled; "It makes you look sick and twisted running around with his brother and his best friend. I can just imagine what people think."
"They people who matter know the truth," Johanna shot back. "Nothing's going on between Andrew and I; he's my brother-in-law. As for Jeff, we've only gone out once and one lunch date; nothing more."
"Well maybe your next date you can get a hotel room," Kate retorted; Castle's comments ringing in her ears. "After all, you looked pretty damn cozy last night. I'm surprised he could let go of your hand long enough to eat."
"What's wrong, Katie?" Johanna asked; "Are you jealous? Wasn't Rick being attentive to you? Maybe it's because you drag him around to follow your mother. I'm sure it's not the dates he'd like to be having with you."
"On the contrary, he was highly amused with our outing last night," she remarked.
"It'll lose it's cuteness before long, dear; you better watch that…you might be so wrapped up in telling me how to live my life that he'll get bored and go play elsewhere."
"Castle's not like that!" she exclaimed; "He understands that sometimes I have to deal with family matters."
"That must be why you visit so much," Elizabeth said sarcastically.
"Maybe I don't visit because I don't want to hear the remarks," Kate replied.
"Well then I guess you know how your mother feels when you're lecturing her," her grandmother replied. "If you were my kid, I would've done slapped your smart mouth for you and put you in your damn place. You think because the city handed you a badge that you're the authority on everything and everyone but you're not. You're not the authority of anything. A few months ago you just started trying to pull yourself together and now suddenly you know how everyone should live their best life," Elizabeth scoffed; "Well in my opinion, you still have some growing up to do little girl. Now you knock of this business of ordering your mother around, following her and acting like she's doing something wrong by going out for an evening with your father's friend who also happens to be her friend too. Jimmy's gone; she's not being unfaithful and his friend isn't breaking any code of conduct. Let them enjoy themselves and stay the hell out of it. If you don't, maybe your mother will start following along on your dates and she can tell you what you're doing wrong."
"I kind of like that idea," Johanna quipped. "I'm sure she's probably doing some things wrong."
"Of course she is, that's why you're not a grandmother yet."
"That's enough," Kate stated.
"Yes," Elizabeth remarked; "It is enough of someone telling you what to do, isn't it? Again, now you know how your mother feels."
"Can we not do this the whole meal?" Kate huffed. "If I had known it was going to be this way, I wouldn't have come."
"You only came tonight because you wanted to yell at me for going out with Jeff," Johanna remarked; "And you thought your grandmother would back you up."
"You were wrong," Elizabeth declared; "Very wrong."
"Yeah; I've noticed; thanks a lot, Grandma," she retorted.
"You keep sassing me and I'm going to come over there and smack you with the hand that fully works," her grandmother replied. "God knows you could use a good smack to settle your prissy ass down."
"I probably get that prissy ass problem from you," Kate remarked.
Elizabeth glared at her. "Just for that, when I meet your boyfriend; I'm going to make sure I have your baby pictures with me…and I'm not talking about the cute ones."
"I say we break out the home movies one day when we get him over here," Johanna said; "Like that one where she's about two and pulling her dress up over her head."
Elizabeth nodded. "That's a good one to start with…although she's probably already let him pull up her dress in reality and it won't be a shock to him."
Kate smirked at her. "I'm never bringing him over."
"You will," her grandmother stated; "One way or another."
"That's what you think."
"That's what I know," Elizabeth replied. "Are you staying to watch TV with us?"
"It depends; are the lectures over?" Kate asked.
Elizabeth shrugged. "I supposed I can save a few for next time. What about you, Johanna?"
"I'm fine for now…but I'm serious…no more following me, Katie," Johanna replied. "I don't like this road we're on."
"Then quit driving down it," Kate told her.
"Katie," she sighed; "You're driving down it at warp speed."
Kate breathed deeply; she didn't want to fight with her all night…especially when Elizabeth Beckett had proven that she wasn't going to back her up about a damn thing. "Let's just drop it for now," she stated; "I'll stay and watch TV with you, Grandma; but no more lectures."
"Fine…no more surveillance on your mother unless there's a real legitimate reason that it's required," Elizabeth replied.
"Okay, I won't do it anymore," Kate stated for the sake of keeping the peace for awhile. "Do we have a deal for a lecture free evening?"
"Yes," her grandmother replied; although she had plenty more she'd like to say to her wayward granddaughter but she could wait…there would be other visits eventually.
It was a little after nine when Johanna and Kate saw Elizabeth tucked into her room for the evening and set about locking up the house. They did their tasks quietly; saying nothing as they both moved out onto the porch and Johanna checked the door to make sure it locked.
"Well," Johanna said as they headed down the steps. "I'm glad you came over; your grandmother was glad to see you."
"She was glad to have someone else to pick at," Kate retorted.
"It just upsets her when you're distant, Katie. She loves you…she always has."
"I love how you two didn't always get along and now you always defend her," her daughter replied.
"I defend her because I know that she's old and she gets lonely for her kids and grandchildren. I know she gave you a few choice words tonight…but sometimes you need them. You never mind giving someone a piece of your mind when it suits you…so why should everyone have to keep their mouth shut when it comes to you?"
"I'm not the one out making questionable choices," Kate replied.
"That's a matter of opinion," Johanna told her as they paused by her car. "You wanted me to date; you said I needed a man in my life; that I needed to move on. So I try to do that and you get mad…so I feel like I can't win for losing, Katie."
"I just don't think you should be going out with Jeff," she said sharply; "He was Dad's best friend…I just don't think its right. It'll make people think you two had a thing for each other all along."
"No one in their right mind is going to believe that," Johanna told her. "I know it isn't true and so do you and so does Jeff. So what we went out to dinner and then went and listened to a band. So what we had lunch together today? We've known each other a long time, we have things in common…and he respects how I still feel about my husband. That's important to me, Katie…because I'm never going to love someone the way I loved your father. I don't even think it's possible for me to love another man…and Jeff knows that just like I know he's never going to love another woman except Maggie. Your grandmother said the other day that there's something to be said for companionship…and Jeff is good company…so what's wrong with us spending some time together? It's what you wanted. Now you get what you want and you're still not satisfied. I don't know what you want me to do, Katie. You don't want me to ask you to do things with you. You don't want me to go out with anyone I'm comfortable with. You take other people's word over mine and act like you're my mother instead of my daughter. You follow me around like I'm a suspect. I just don't know what to do anymore…because I can't seem to win anymore."
"Win what?" Kate asked. "What is there to win?"
"You," she replied simply. "I'm always trying to win you…thinking if I just do things the way you want, you'll come around a little more and be yourself a little more…but it never quite works out. You've been pushing me away since your father died…and I feel like I not only lost him…I lost a big chunk of the bond I had with you…because you pushed me away. We're not as close as we used to be…it makes me sad; does it ever make you sad?"
"I'm a grown woman, Mom; I'm not supposed to be your shadow anymore."
"I didn't say you were," she snapped. "I asked if it ever made you sad…but I guess the answer is no. You like being distant from people…you think it means it'll hurt less in the end if they leave you…well let me tell you something, Katie; it doesn't hurt less…I know all too well. My father and I weren't close…we had a difficult relationship most of my life…and when he died, it still hurt…and in some ways, it hurt even worse than losing people I was close too…because with my father, I had a lot of bad memories…a lot of what ifs and unanswered questions. You're not sparring yourself anything by holding people at arms length…all you're doing is setting yourself up for more pain in the long run."
"I'm not distant from you," Kate retorted; "Christ, Mom, what do you want me to do? I call you all the time; if this is about the damn shopping trips then fine, I'll go shopping with you so you'll be happy."
Johanna shook her head. "No; it's not about the shopping…and I don't ever want you to go with me just to make me happy…because I wouldn't be happy knowing you didn't want to be there. I told you I'd never ask you again and I won't; but I doesn't mean I don't miss the closeness we used to have. I miss being your mother…not your burden. I'm aware of the fact that you're grown, that you have your own life and friends and that you can't be around as much as I might like. But that doesn't mean that I don't miss you…the you you are when you're not telling me what to do or asking if I'm drinking too much or running too much or criticizing who I spend my time with. I don't do that to you…so why do you do it to me?"
"Because given past history, I have to," she answered. "I spent those first five years after Dad died watching you spiral…and I don't want you doing that anymore…so yeah, I question you, because if I can stop it before it gets out of control, I will. Why is that such a terrible thing?"
"It's not terrible…but it goes to show that you have no trust or faith in me. Being a healthy person means I can stop myself…that I know my limits in all aspects of life…and I do know them, Katie. I'm a gown woman too…yeah, I had some bad moments and I'm sorry you had to witness them…I didn't know how to handle my grief and that's not unusual for a person when they lose their spouse…but I shouldn't have to keep paying for those mistakes when they're years in the past. I haven't given you any reason not to trust me."
"When I get phone calls that you haven't shown up for work on time; when I hear you're out drinking with people, when the only men you give a chance to are ones that have a connection to Dad; I think I have reason to question you," Kate replied. "I do it because I care; don't you see that? I wouldn't do it if I didn't care about you."
"I understand that you care…I just don't know why you have to jump to the worst case scenarios and go off the deep end instead of just coming over and saying 'can we talk?' and then sitting down and discussing things. I wouldn't have a problem with that…but when you go about the way you have been…it just makes me angry, Katie; It makes me feel like you're treating me like a child. That's not a feeling a mother likes to have in regard to her adult daughter. Can you understand that?"
Kate's jaw was tight as she regarded her mother. "Yeah; you want me to stay out of your business and that's fine, I will. I don't care what you do, Mom. Date everyone Dad ever knew, drink to your heart's content and quit your job tomorrow; I don't give a damn."
"Katie; that's not what I said," Johanna remarked firmly. "I said you could go about showing that you care in a softer manner than treating me like one of your damn criminals. I am your mother; I think I deserve some consideration. I don't want you to stay out of my life; I want you in my life…why do you think I always ask you to come to dinner or go see a show with me? Because I want you around…but it feels like you only make time to be around when you have something you want to take me to task for and I don't think it's fair! Why can't we just have some time without all of that? Can't we do that one day? Just go to lunch and go see a show…or see a show and go to dinner, whichever way you want it. Couldn't we just go get our nails done or just sit at home and have a day together? If you care about me like you say; then why don't you give me some of your time? Maybe if you did you'd realize that you don't need to be worried; that I'm fine…and worthy of your trust."
"Fine," Kate said; feeling chastened. "We'll go see a show."
"When?"
"When you decide what you want to see and we look at my schedule and see when I'm off."
Johanna eyed her; wondering if she should even allow herself a moment's belief that it would happen. "Okay," she said; "I'll find out what shows are going to be opening in the next few weeks and we'll see which one we want and go from there."
"Alright," she replied.
"You don't have an aversion to seeing a show with me, do you?" Johanna asked cautiously.
"No…why should I?"
Her mother shrugged. "I just wanted to be sure."
Kate breathed deeply. "You say that you don't know what I want from you…but I don't know what you want from me either."
"I think I've made it very clear what I want from you," Johanna replied. "I just want you to be my daughter like always…but with less of the cop attitude in regard to me."
"I am a cop."
"Yes; but you were my daughter first," she told her. "I like when you put the cop side away and just act as my daughter. I miss her."
"I'm right here."
"Yeah; sometimes," Johanna said; "And sometimes you're not. So can we just try to be better? You know if you drop the cop act when something is on your mind, you'll find that I won't get so defensive."
"I'll keep it in mind," Kate remarked.
"That doesn't answer my question…can we try to do better?" Johanna asked. "I love you, Katie; I don't like us being at odds all the time…do you?"
"No," she sighed.
"Then can't we try?"
Kate nodded. "Yeah, we can try. I know you're mad at me…but sometimes I just have to do what I think is best."
"Yeah, well when it comes to doing what's best for me; it would be best if we discussed it together. I'm not that old yet, Katie; I've still got a fully functioning brain."
"I know…I'll try to do better but I still don't approve of this thing with Jeff."
"You don't have to," Johanna replied; "You've done plenty of things I didn't approve of...the tattoo… the idiot in the high school, the bigger idiot in college…the motorcycle…those are just highlights."
"I get the message."
"Good; I didn't want to have to give you the long list," Johanna said as she stepped forward and pulled her daughter into a hug. "It's getting late, we better be going. I have some papers to look over for court and I know you have to work tomorrow too."
Kate allowed herself to sink into her mother's embrace, feeling a surge of emotion for some unknown reason. "I'm sorry," she murmured.
"It's alright," her mother said, hugging her tighter. "I'm sorry too for being harsh…but sometimes you don't give me a choice, Katie."
"I know," she whispered; and it was true…she did know that sometimes she pushed and pushed until her mother's patience and understanding wore thin and snapped.
"I still love you just as much," Johanna said softly.
"I love you too, Mom," Kate said, her eyes closing as she held on to her tightly for a few moments more.
Johanna cupped her cheek and kissed her forehead. "Text me and let me know you got home safely."
"I will; be careful."
"I promise. Call me tomorrow if you get a minute," she told her.
"I will," Kate said with a nod; "After work…unless some case interferes but I'll let you know if it does."
"Okay," Johanna replied; giving her a reassuring smile. "Go on now, get home and get some rest…tomorrow is another day as Scarlett O'Hara always said."
Kate smiled. "We should watch that some weekend; it's been awhile."
'I'd like that," her mother replied as she moved to the driver's side door of her car. "We'll put it on our to-do list."
"We'll do that. Goodnight, Mom."
"Sweet dreams, Katie…remember; think happy thoughts," Johanna told her.
"You too," she replied as she moved to her own car. "Happy thoughts."
"I do my best to always think happy thoughts before I go to sleep," Johanna assured as she got into the car. It usually meant thinking about the past with Jim; but she didn't think there was any harm in that.
Jim sat at his small kitchen table that evening, a TV dinner in front of him along with a glass of scotch and his laptop open. The chicken in the dinner was good…but nowhere near as good as the fried chicken his wife made. God he missed her cooking and he hoped that his days of living on mostly microwavable foods and fast food were coming to an end…that soon he'd have his wife's home cooked meals again. He closed his eyes for a moment; it would be so nice to see her sitting across the table from him; a nice meal for them to share…easy conversation; her smile. After dinner, they'd fall into old habits of deciding what they were going to watch for the evening…he was looking forward to being cuddled up with her on the couch; drinking in the feel of her and of being home. It would be so good…the wait was nearly unbearable the closer to his self-imposed deadline that he got. At work they kept asking why he was pushing himself so hard to get finished early…he claimed it was because he had things to prepare in order to head home but in reality it was Johanna's tearful voice driving him.
He breathed deeply; he was making progress work wise; he had brought home plenty to do and he had done some of it while waiting on his dinner and he intended to get back to more of it as soon as he was finished but for the moment, he closed the tabs of work on his laptop and clicked the tab where he kept Johanna's Facebook page open. He hadn't checked it the night before and so he refreshed the page and began his search, his eyes catching sight of a new post…one his best friend had made and tagged her in.
"It's always nice to have a little Roche reunion with an old friend" Jeff had written and below the caption was a photo of him and Johanna standing in front of the plaque of the Roche building. His heart gave a small kick as he drank in the newest photo of his wife; she was smiling and he couldn't help but smile back at her image. He glanced at Jeff, seeing that his friend had his arm around her and an irrational kick of jealousy stirred beneath his skin. Jim gave a shake of his head; there was no reason to be jealous; Jeff had never had designs on Johanna and it was good to know they were still in contact…but he did feel that jealousy anyway…that Jeff could be so near her, able to put an arm around her and see her smile in person. He picked up his glass of scotch and took a long swallow; it wasn't Jeff's fault that he wasn't home where he belonged.
He swallowed the jealousy along with the scotch, noting that Jeff had posted the picture late the evening before. He frowned a little; if Johanna had been out and ran into Jeff and had a nice time catching up, then why had she been crying when he had made that call? Had seeing Jeff and being near the Roche building brought up old memories for her? Was she crying because he hadn't been there too?
Jim breathed deeply and clicked on the comments of the photo; seeing that Johanna had responded. "Who are you calling old?" she had written. He smiled; that was his girl. Jeff replied and his eyes quickly scanned his friend's remark. "The old part clearly referred to me, Sassy; never you…so you see, it was nice for you to have a reunion with your old friend me."
He laughed, Jeff never changed and he hoped that meant that his best friend would forgive him for what he had done. Another comment from Johanna followed and his hungry eyes read it. "Nice save."
"Thank you, I thought so too," Jeff had responded.
Jim shook his head a little and returned to her page, looking to see if there were any newer posts and yet another photo appeared, posted by Jeff once again that afternoon. "Roche reunion Part II," he had captioned the picture; showing him and Johanna at a table in what appeared to be a restaurant. He frowned once more…had they gone out to lunch together? He shifted in his chair; there wasn't anything wrong with that…after all, they'd had lunch together before; like when they'd both be in court and he and Maggie were occupied at the office. He had even ate lunch with Maggie a time or two when they had been in court and on recess at the same time. It didn't mean anything…at least back then it didn't…it couldn't mean anything now, could it?
He studied the photo intently; there wasn't anything in it to imply that it was anything more than two friends sharing their lunch break. Johanna was leaning toward him but they weren't touching…her left hand was resting on the table and he could just make out her wedding rings on her finger which gave him some reassurance that she wasn't dating. He didn't think she'd continue to wear her rings if she was dating someone. It was just lunch between friends…she had every right to have lunch with friends; he didn't want her to be lonely and Jeff always made her laugh. Maybe Jeff knew she had been sad and that's why they met up that day; he was trying to cheer her up…that had to be it. It was a friends thing; he was sure of it…unless more pictures appeared during the week then he'd have to question his friend's motives.
It wasn't a pleasant though and it spoiled his appetite. Jim rose from the table and threw the remainder of his dinner in the trash and refilled his glass of scotch; time to get back to work…he had to get home; Johanna needed him and he had to make sure that everyone knew that she was still his and he wasn't relinquishing his claim.