A/N: Thanks for your reviews!
Chapter 9
"Thanks for coming with me tonight," Jeff said as he opened the passenger side door of his car for Johanna Saturday night.
"It's not a problem," Johanna said with a smile as she got out of the car.
"I forgot that you had your niece this weekend though," he remarked, offering her his arm as they walked toward the restaurant.
Johanna gave his arm a soft squeeze. "Oh it's no problem; Gabby doesn't mind spending the evening with Elizabeth; they ordered take out for dinner and Gabby has talked Liz into watching the Princess Diaries. In return, Liz has talked her into playing cards with her so they're all set and happy to be together tonight."
"Well in that case I won't feel guilty for taking you away from aunt duty tonight," Jeff replied.
"Don't feel guilty at all; it's nice to get out again," she assured; "You said you needed to talk."
"Yeah, I do," he said with a nod as he opened the door for her.
Johanna allowed the comment to hang in the air as they were shown to a table and given their menus.
"What do you need to talk about?" she asked once the waitress left them alone.
"Maggie," he replied. "Well more than her…but we'll talk about that once we have our food."
"Alright," she said; not at all surprised by the topic since Maggie had called that morning needing to chat about the topic of Jeff. "How has work been?"
"Good. I'm working on a case for Zach right now. It's a damn mess but not having the stress of being the one to present it in court makes it a little easier to deal with if you know what I mean."
Johanna nodded. "I do. Do you miss the courtroom though?"
He shrugged. "Not really. I don't miss having my own clients that's for sure. I like the consulting and case building work; you get the challenge without the hassle."
Her brow rose, amusement gleaming in her eyes. "No hassle at all? Are you sure about that?"
Jeff laughed. "Okay, you got me, sometimes there's hassle but you know, when it's someone else's case you don't stress over it as much. Are you worried that you're going to miss the courtroom?"
"A little," she admitted. "I won't miss the office or dealing with clients…but I kind of wonder if I'll miss the courtroom after awhile."
"You probably will at times…but you can always go back if you want."
"I don't want to start over at a new firm."
"I understand that. You could always do consulting work like I do after you've had a little break."
"Only if it's not at Mark's firm."
"You could always do it at Roche; they always need more consultants."
She smiled. "Go back to Roche and put up with Stanley? I don't know if I could do that."
Jeff chuckled lightly. "Mr. Toupee rarely leaves the realm of his lair upstairs."
"Does he still give himself pep talks in front of the mirror in his office?" Johanna asked.
"Hell yes, he never changes."
"I'm not surprised…he probably gave himself pep talks in the womb."
"Most likely right before he slid down the birth canal," Jeff agreed; "But you could come back to Roche as a consultant if you wanted after you've had a break."
"I don't think Stanley would put me back on the payroll, Jeff."
"It's not up to him; Neal hires the consultants; and between me, Zach and Antonio; we'd have you back on the payroll with no problem. If Stanley opened his mouth to you I'd just punch him for you."
"I appreciate that," she said with a smile.
"No pressure, Sassy; just something for you to consider if you'd decide you wanted to be somewhat in the business without the hassles of being in it for yourself."
"I understand and I will keep it in mind," Johanna promised. "I'm also waiting to hear back from Columbia. I have a contact there and I asked her to let me know if there are any openings in the law faculty coming up because I'm interested in teaching on a more permanent basis. I don't think they'll have anything for the fall semester because they'll probably already have the faculty set for the fall but maybe something will come up in the spring."
"Hopefully so if that's what you want to do but listen, don't be afraid of having a long break once you finish up at the firm," Jeff told her. "You've earned some down time, Sassy; enjoy it."
"I intend to," she admitted. "I'm not worried about getting something else right away. I'm okay with waiting until spring or longer if it has to be that way. I'm just…kind of relieved to know that soon I'll be out of the office."
Jeff nodded. "I can't say that I blame you after what I've seen and heard about what you have to deal with there. How have things been at the office the last few days?"
Johanna laughed. "They're not speaking to me."
"What?!" he exclaimed with a laugh.
The waitress reappeared to take their order, leaving their conversation suspended for the moment as they placed their orders. Once the waitress hurried on her way, Jeff grinned as he met Johanna's eye. "They're not speaking to you?!"
"Yeah," she said with a nod. "I'm getting the cold shoulder. Cathy didn't speak to me at all Thursday and Friday. Mark only spoke enough to ask the status of my caseload and he did it in that clipped 'I'm being an asshole' tone of voice he gets once in awhile."
"I remember that tone," Jeff replied. "What about Sharon?"
"Only speaking to me about work," she remarked; "Although when Andrew took me to lunch yesterday she did make a half muttered comment about sick people…which Andrew responded to by saying that it is sick when people can't mind their own business."
Jeff laughed. "How did she take that?"
"She looked like she was sucking a lemon," she said lightly. "When I got back and asked for my messages and mail, she just shoved them at me and said nothing."
He chuckled once more. "Do they think they're hurting your feelings?"
"Oh no; I heard from Michelle…"
"Who's Michelle?" he interrupted to ask.
"One of the younger girls," she replied; "She still likes me so she has no qualms telling me when people are talking about me. She overheard Mark and Cathy and Sharon…and even idiot Calvin talking about their little plan to ignore me because if they ignore me, I'll stop talking about retiring and I'll stop going out with the wrong men and 'behaving' the way I have been."
"So they're ignoring you like you ignore it when a toddler says a cuss word in hopes they won't say it anymore because they didn't get a reaction."
Johanna smiled. "Exactly…because you know; they treat me like a child who can't think for herself anyway."
"Yeah, I noticed," he said; "And what the hell do they mean the 'wrong' men. They're calling me wrong?!"
"Mhmm; my choices have been labeled as wrong, sick and undesirable."
"Undesirable!" he exclaimed. "Those bastards; how dare they, I'm a very desirable catch if I do say so myself."
"I was a little offended myself," Johanna replied. "I mean I am the one who had taste when it came to men…it sure the hell isn't Sharon."
"Amen to that," he replied. "Have they unfriended you on Facebook?"
"Hell no; they're ignoring me but they still want to be in my business."
Jeff nodded and fished his phone from his pocket. "Then I guess it's time for another picture…because we wouldn't want them to think that their cold shoulder approach is working."
"That's true."
"And they also need to be exposed to my rightness as a date," Jeff remarked with a grin as he got the camera ready. "Give them your prettiest smile, Sassy."
"I'd like to give them the finger," she remarked.
Jeff laughed; making her laugh as well as he clicked the photo. "Maybe we'll take a finger gesture picture next time," he quipped.
"They'd love that," Johanna said with a laugh.
"That would get us unfriended," he said lightly as he posted the picture on his Facebook with the caption "It's always nice to share a laugh with a wonderful friend."
"Oh I don't think they'd unfriend us," Johanna replied; "Then they wouldn't know our business."
"That's true," he agreed as he put his phone away.
The waitress arrived with their meals and placed them on the table along with their drinks. Johanna waited until they had taken a few bites and then steered the conversation back to Jeff. "What's on your mind tonight?" she asked.
Jeff breathed deeply after swallowing a bite of his steak. "Maggie."
"What about her?"
"We've been talking…you know, on Facebook."
Johanna nodded. "Yeah…that's great…isn't it?" she asked; hoping that Maggie wasn't going to be disappointed. Her friend was trying hard not to get her hopes up but she wasn't completely succeeding. Now that the gates of communication had opened between them, Maggie was hopeful that just maybe she could find her way back to him like she had been dreaming of…and Johanna hoped it would work out for them.
"Yeah," he nodded; "It is great…it's only been a few days and yet we've talked a good bit…nothing major…you know what I mean?"
"Yes; you've stayed away from the hard topics."
"Right."
"So what's the problem?" Johanna asked.
Jeff sighed. "I already want more."
"More?"
He nodded. "Messages aren't enough…"
She smiled. "You want her phone number? I'll give it to you; she won't mind."
"I do," he said; "But…"
"But what?"
"But part of me just wants to drive out to the Hamptons and see her in person," he admitted. "I just…I want to see her so badly…I've wanted to see her for so long…and I know I can't go out there; it's too soon for that…and I don't really want to see the house she lived in with another man…because that should've never happened."
"I know," Johanna replied; "I also know that she regrets it more than you can imagine."
"I believe that she regrets it," he admitted; "It's why she's careful when we're talking…like she's afraid I'll remember what she did and cut her off…and a lot of people probably think it's stupid to talk to your ex-wife who divorced you for someone else."
"We talked about that," she said; "Those people don't matter. What matters is you being happy…and if Maggie makes you happy; then it shouldn't matter what other people think. She knows you haven't forgotten…she's cautious because she's nervous too, Jeff. She doesn't want to blow this…she doesn't want you to cut her off in the communication sense."
"I don't intend to cut her off…but there is that urge to go out there and see her…and I know it's probably too soon, right? Tell me it's too soon."
She gave him a patient smile. "It's too soon."
"That's what I thought," he said with a nod. "I knew I was rushing."
"You're not rushing," Johanna replied; "It's only natural to want to see her; you love her. It has only been a few days though and you haven't even talked on the phone yet so…yeah, take it slow…work your way up."
"You're right; I need to take it slow…I don't want to blow it."
"You're not going to blow it…but you know, if you really want to see her…there's always one of those video chat things you could do online…that way there's still a little distance but you can see her while you talk to her."
His eyes lit up. "I hadn't thought of that."
"Well think about it," she told him; "It might soothe that urge a little bit."
"How soon should I ask about that?"
She shrugged. "Maybe talk a few more times and then bring it up."
"That sounds good…we've been talking every day so far."
Johanna smiled. "And how does it feel?"
"Really good," he admitted. "It feels like coming home in some way. That's why I don't want to mess it up…and I know that one day during these conversations, we're going to have to get to the hard stuff, aren't we?"
"Yeah," she replied; "There's no avoiding that."
"I wish I could," Jeff said; "I feel like it'll be the thing to derail it."
"Only if you let it," Johanna told him. "When it comes up…just remember that if you and Maggie want to get back together, you're going to have to talk about it…and it's going to hurt…it'll probably be awkward…but just try not to fly off the handle, just try to talk about it calmly."
"When it gets to that point; should it be done in person?" he asked.
"I think whichever way you two feel more comfortable doing it will be fine. You can talk about it on the phone…or you can do it online in Facebook messages. Some people would probably say that isn't the best way but in a way I guess it could make it easier by not having to see each other during it…but it'll be up to you when the time comes."
"What if I end up seeing her before we talk about the bad stuff?"
Johanna smiled. "I don't know…I mean I don't know if it really matters. I think the main issue here is that you just want to drive out there and see her."
"I do," Jeff said, a deep sigh crossing his lips. "It makes me look like a fool, doesn't it?"
"No; it makes you look like a man who still loves her and still wants to be with her. I think that maybe you could see if she's coming into the city in the next week or two and arrange to have lunch," she suggested. "Maybe a nice little lunch date would be a way to ease into things and also give you what you want…I'm starting to think the video chat might not be enough for you."
"You know me, Sassy; I always want it all."
"We're all like that in one way or another."
Jeff gave a soft shake of his head. "I feel like I'm in my twenties again…back at Roche; seeing her for the first time in the breakroom…spending all my time those first few months of knowing her trying to win her…and she didn't make it easy at times…but I had to have her."
Johanna nodded, giving him a soft smile. "I remember."
"I know you do…I was trying to win Maggie…and you and Jim were instantly connected the first time you looked at each other. You smiled at him and I knew he was done for; it was all over his face…and you two didn't make it easy either."
Johanna laughed. "No, we sure as hell didn't…I don't regret our story…but in these years without him, sometimes I look back and think if I had just been bolder sooner, we might've had more time together as a couple. I think about all that time we could've been together."
"You were together in a lot of ways," he replied.
"I know…but I mean under the same roof kind of together."
Jeff gave her hand a consoling pat. "I get it…I really do. I think about how if I had just done something differently or if Maggie had just told me what was going on with her sooner that maybe we could've avoided the mess we made…because I can't blame it all on her…I know she's the one who had the affair…but clearly I wasn't listening or picking up on something when I should have so I take some blame too…but if we could've just figured it out back then, we wouldn't have had to be apart all of this time. I know people would've thought I was a fool, but if she had called off that affair and just came to me…we would've worked it out. I still would've been hurt…but I would've kept her anyway because I love her and mistakes happen."
"You're not a fool, Jeff," she assured. "It's never foolish to love someone enough to forgive them when they hurt you even when it's something that seems unforgivable. Is that what's still bothering you, what other people might think if you and Maggie work things out?"
"It's not so much people as it is the kids…and really it's not the boys I'm worried about; they love their mother…it's Chrissy. I worry about her reaction when she finds out I've been talking to Maggie…you know she doesn't give her the time of day."
"Is Chrissy's reaction enough to make you stop talking to Maggie or wanting to be with her?"
"Honestly…no," Jeff confessed. "Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter…but she's got her own life, she's married…and if Mags and I can work things out and have the things we had planned on having at this point in life then I want it. We were supposed to grow old together…and we still got plenty of good years before the old part comes into play and I'd love nothing more than to enjoy those years with her. I don't want to lose Chrissy…but I don't want to be alone either when I might have a chance to be with Maggie."
"I understand that…that's what I can't get through to people…I can't have the plans I made with Jim with anyone else. If I can't have it with him, I don't want it with anyone. So when the time comes that Chrissy finds out, just tell her the truth, you love her, you don't want to lose her…but you want to be happy too just like she is with her husband. Don't let her put you in the situation where you feel like you have to choose between them because that isn't fair."
"No, it wouldn't be…and if that happened; I know Maggie would back off so fast my head would spin."
Johanna nodded. "You're right; she would…so don't let Chrissy have that power."
Jeff sighed a little as he picked up a forkful of potatoes. "Daughters can be difficult."
She gave a short laugh. "Tell me about it; I'm president of the parents with difficult daughters club."
He chuckled lightly. "That's probably true…Katie does give you a run for your money."
"I'd give her my money if she'd just be the daughter that trusted me again," Johanna replied; "Because that's what it comes down to; she doesn't trust me."
"Have you heard from her since the dinner at your mother-in-law's?"
"Just a few texts…she says she's on a case and she's busy; which she probably is…but you know me, I can't help but wonder."
"I don't blame you for wondering. They should've given us a handbook when these girls of ours were born."
"Hey, they started off okay," Johanna replied lightly. "It was the adulthood thing that screwed them up."
Jeff nodded. "I can agree to that, especially when it gets us off the hook for the blame."
"I thought you'd like that," she quipped as she picked up her glass for a sip of her drink.
They were quiet for a few minutes as they ate and then Jeff broke the silence once more. "When I was talking to Maggie I told her about our little pretend date situation because I didn't want her to get the wrong idea from the pictures I've been posting…no offense…"
"None taken," she laughed.
"She said you already told her," Jeff replied.
"I did," she said with a nod. "I told her before we went out that first time."
"Out of curiosity, why did you tell her?"
"Because she's my friend…I can tell her things I can't tell other people like Sharon. I also told her because I know how she feels about you…and in my mind, you still belong to her so I don't want her to think I'm treading into her territory."
He gave her a small smile. "I still belong to her in my mind too…just like you still belong to Jim in my mind and every time I take you out; I make a little stop to tell him it's not what he thinks."
"He understands," Johanna replied.
"Maggie was quick to assure me that she was aware of the situation…and that she was glad I was helping you out."
"She understands," she told him. "She doesn't understand why I don't punch Sharon though."
He laughed. "I don't understand it either."
"It's quite simple," she replied; "Sharon would most likely have me arrested and I'd end up in the lock up at the twelfth precinct which would be an embarrassment to Katie. So if I ever do slap her, I have to do it in another jurisdiction…and have someone that's willing to pay my bail because Katie won't."
"I'll pay your bail," Jeff told her with a grin. "I'm even willing to be a witness and say that she swung at you first and you acted in self defense."
"Self- defense is my preferred strategy," she said with a nod.
Jeff glanced at her as she took a bite of her dinner. "So when you retire, are you and Sharon done for as friends or what?"
Johanna swallowed the bite she had taken. "I don't know exactly…I do know I need a break from her and it doesn't make me feel good to say so. So I guess come September, I am going to step back from her. I just can't take it anymore."
"I don't blame you for feeling that way. I wouldn't even blame you if you decided not to pick up that friendship again at a later date. Over the years Sharon has hurt you a lot…and you always give her another chance. Maybe she's run out of chances."
"Maybe she has," Johanna murmured. "I always considered Mark and Cathy good friends…and I don't care if I ever speak to them again after I walk out of the office for the last time. It probably makes me seem like a terrible person but it's how I feel."
"You're not a terrible person, Jo; you're a person who is fed up and ready to let go of this part of your life and that's okay," Jeff assured. "You're allowed to move on to a different way of life. You've already had to do that in some ways when you lost Jim…but this time you're picking the change and have control over it. It's okay to be done with the job and the people attached to it even if you have known them for forty years or more. It's time for you to do what makes you happy…when Jim died, you kept working because you still had Katie to support in some ways, so everything you did at that time was for Katie. After Katie was on her own, you kept going because it was expected of you…and you had Andrew's little girl to look after when he had to travel and then you've had Elizabeth to take care of and nurse through her stroke. You've been doing for everyone but you these last thirteen years, Jo. It's time to do something for yourself and if retiring and cutting off people who are bringing you down is the thing you need to do for yourself, then do it and don't feel badly for it. The people who judge you for it are the people you don't need around."
"That could hold true for you as well," Johanna replied; "The people who judge you for still loving Maggie and wanting another chance with her are the people you don't need around either."
Jeff smiled and picked up his glass, gesturing for her to do the same. "Then here's to us and doing things for ourselves for a change. Here's to second chances and new beginnings."
"I'll drink to that," Johanna said, clinking her glass against his; she just hoped her new beginning would be a comfortable one and that retirement wouldn't bore her.
Castle and Kate were moving along with the flow of people on the city's sidewalks that night when something across the street caught his eye. He glanced over; spotting Johanna Beckett on the arm of the man Kate had said was her father's best friend. He nudged her, drawing her attention away from the window display she was looking at. "Isn't that your mom over there?" he asked.
Kate glanced in the direction he had nodded to and frowned. "Yeah; that's her…and Jeff…again."
"Did you know they were going out tonight?" he asked; hoping that wasn't why she had picked this area of town to dine in.
"No," she said with a shake of her head, drawing him back into the shadows of the buildings. "Don't let her see us or she'll think we followed her again. She was pretty mad about the last time and said I better not do it again…I'm not sure she'd believe it was a coincidence if she spotted us."
Relief filled him, hearing the notes of sincerity in her voice as they melted into the shadows to keep from being seen. "She probably wouldn't believe it," he agreed. "I'm surprised she didn't tell you though to see if you'd follow anyway…you know, like a test."
"We haven't really talked much since Wednesday," she replied. "We had that case we were working on…and things feel kind of off between us so I haven't called…just sent a few texts."
"And she didn't mention a new date with Jeff?"
"No; she said Gabby was staying with her this weekend…but why say that if it's not true?" she asked. "Gabby's not with them."
"Maybe Gabby had a party or a sleepover to go to," he suggested; "You know how it is with girls that age."
"Yeah; I know…there's always something to go to so I guess that could be the case."
"How do you feel about this newest development?" he asked, nodding at Johanna and Jeff as they moved to the door of a small shop where she had been looking in the window.
"I still don't like it," Kate admitted. "I just don't think it's right for her to be with him but I guess there's not much I can do about it. Sharon sent me a message yesterday telling me that Andrew came to take her to lunch again and that they don't understand why she's suddenly going around with two different guys and that I should do something about it. I told her there's nothing I can do about it; she's not fourteen, I can't ground her. She can do what she wants…she made that more than clear Wednesday night."
He nodded; recalling the conversation that she had relayed to him when she appeared at the loft late Wednesday night. She had seemed somewhat chastened and in need of comfort…sides of her that were rarely seen at times and he was glad she had come to him…that she had spent the night and that they had gone to the precinct together only he had waited outside several minutes so it wouldn't look like they had arrived together.
"Are you going to go over and talk to her?" he asked.
"She'll think I followed her."
"Not if you just tell her the truth from the get go," Castle stated. "And the truth is, we're out on our own date, you saw her and wanted to see her for a minute…that way if she does notice us on the street, there's no doubt in her mind that we were out as well and it's purely a coincidence."
Kate worried her bottom lip. "I don't know what to do…or what to say…it would be weird with Jeff there."
"It may be," he agreed; "But it also might be something you have to get used to if she really is dipping back into the dating scene…like you wanted."
"You love reminding me of that, don't you?" she asked.
He grinned. "Yeah; I kind of do."
"Why?!"
"Because it's fun."
She narrowed her eyes at him. "Keep it up and you won't get to know that fun I had in mind for later."
His brow rose. "What kind of fun is that?"
"That's for me to know and you to find out…but current conversations could be spoiling the vibe."
"Well we don't want that," he said, hope filling him as he slipped his arm around her waist. "So what are you going to do…are you going to go say hello and clear your name just in case or are we just going to quickly move on to our next destination even if we are a little early for the next showing of the movie we want to see."
Kate breathed deeply as she debated the situation. "What do you think I should do?"
"I think if you don't, it's going to be on your mind all night and you won't be able to relax…which will be my fault for pointing her out to you in the first place which probably proves that I am a dunce."
Amusement gleamed in her eyes. "Maybe we can pick you up the hat on the way home."
"I'm sure I could make a dunce hat look sexy…you'd be all over me," he quipped.
She laughed. "Are you sure about that?"
"Mhmm; it would totally be a turn on."
"I don't know, Castle; we might have to discuss definitions of turn ons."
"Sounds like fun…I do love good discussions…as long as they come with good demonstrations."
"I think demonstrations almost have to be included in a conversation of such serious matters," she quipped.
"I'm looking forward to this discussion…will be having this discussion at my place or yours?"
She leaned into him, a coy smile on her lips. "I'm thinking mine…it's more private at my place…and we may need a lot of privacy."
Castle smiled and caught her lips in a soft kiss. "I'm all for privacy."
Kate breathed deeply, as she glanced across the street, seeing her mother step out of the shop with a small bag in hand. She didn't want her evening or plans spoiled…and if she didn't go over and find out what was going on even in a small way, it would stay on her mind and she didn't want that…not tonight when things had been so perfect and cozy.
"I guess I better run over there and say hello…clear my name in advance like you said," she told Castle; "Are you okay with that?"
He gave her a reassuring smile as he gave her waist a soft squeeze. "Of course…you better hurry before they move on."
Kate gave him a quick kiss and then stepped away, checking the traffic and hurrying across the street as her mother and Jeff drifted to the window of the next shop. "Mom," she called out.
Johanna turned in her direction, suspicion lifting her brow as her lips pressed into a thin line. "Katie, what are you doing here?" she asked as her daughter drew near.
"I didn't follow you, I swear," Kate said as she met her mother's eye.
Johanna studied her intently. "Then what are you doing?" she asked; unsure of if she should believe her or not.
"Castle and I had dinner at that Italian place over there," Kate answered, gesturing to the other side of the street. We were doing a little window shopping when we saw you…he's waiting for me over there."
She looked her daughter over, seeing that she was dressed for a night out. "How was the restaurant?" she asked. "It's new, isn't it?"
"Yeah; it's nice…the portions aren't true to real Italians though," she said lightly.
Johanna smiled. "Then they must not be real Italians. If they're real Italians, you get the chance to leave with leftovers."
"There wasn't any chance of that," she replied; shifting on her feet as awkwardness set it. "I know you'd be out tonight; you said Gabby was with you this weekend."
"She is but she's spending the night with Elizabeth," her mother replied.
"Oh," she said, shifting once more. "I just…I didn't want you to think I was following you because I wasn't…how would I even know you were out since you didn't tell me you had plans."
"I never can quite tell with you," Johanna said, a touch of amusement in her eyes that her daughter was clearly missing. "For all I know, you could have bugged my phone."
"I can't bug your cell phone and to listen in on the landline I'd need a warrant so I think your phones are safe," Kate replied.
"Oh I know you can't bug the landline without a warrant," her mother replied; "But I was joking. You know, you're forgetting the chance that I might not have jumped to conclusions at all if I had spotted you across the street. If you weren't looking in my direction I may have just figured that you were out on a date which you are…and I'm sure Rick probably isn't thrilled that you spotted me and left him on the other side of the street."
"He's the one who spotted you and told me to come clear my name," she retorted; "And I guess you're on a date too."
"It's what you wanted," Johanna reminded her.
"I wish you'd quit saying that," she sighed.
"It's the truth, Katie."
"Yeah; it's the truth…but I didn't think you'd pick Dad's best friend!"
Jeff cleared his throat and decided to break his silence. "I think he'd probably understand, Katie."
Kate eyed him. "Well I don't; I think there's a line you don't cross no matter what and you crossed it."
"Katie," Jeff began to say.
"No, I don't want to hear it," she replied. "Just don't go thinking you're going to be my step-father because that's not going to happen."
"Katherine," Johanna snapped. "I already told you that I'm never going to remarry. That was uncalled for, now you apologize to Jeff."
"Oh that's alright," Jeff said with a small smile. "I still love her anyway…in a strict Godfather sense…never a step-father one. Although if it makes her feel any better, I can assure her that I have no matrimonial intentions."
Kate's brow arched. "What, my mother isn't good enough for you? You're just using her for a good time?"
"Katie!" Johanna exclaimed.
"Well, you question my boyfriends!"
Jeff glanced at her. "When you say 'good time' what exactly do you mean?"
"You know what 'good time' I mean," Kate shot back.
"Hey," he said, palms raised in surrender; "I can assure you that there hasn't been any of that kind of good time. None at all."
"Not that it's any business if there has been," her mother told her. "Do I ask about your sex life?"
Kate met her eye. "You do like to bring up grandchildren."
She nodded. "Okay, that's true…but that's like I'm encouraging you to have a sex life…it's Saturday night, you could be creating grandchildren for me right now instead of interrogating Jeff in the middle of the sidewalk."
"I'm off tonight, I have time for both," her daughter retorted.
Johanna nodded. "Multi-tasking has always been a strong trait in our family…but if it makes you feel any better, I won't let him walk me to the door tonight…which should give you plenty of peace of mind to go create grandchildren for me."
"I'm not sure I have any peace of mind at the moment," Kate admitted; "I think maybe I've changed my mind…maybe you shouldn't date. You said you didn't want to anyway…so you know…if you don't want to do it anymore, I'm okay with it."
"I'll keep that in mind," her mother replied, a tiny feeling of glee filling her but she kept it hidden from her daughter. "I kind of like getting out though so you know I might go a few more times if I'm asked…although interrogations and being followed are probably turn offs for a date."
Kate breathed deeply; doing her best to shove down those irrational feelings that kept making her act like a crazed, overly protective daughter. "I'm sorry…I didn't come over here to do this."
Her mother gave her a patient smile. "Not that you need a reason to approach your mother in public, but why did you? I haven't heard much from you since Wednesday…just the occasional text to let me know you're fine."
"I told you; I didn't want you to see me and think I had somehow followed you."
"Anything else?" Johanna asked.
"What else could there be?" Kate replied.
She smiled wistfully. "Just your mother's delusion that maybe you missed me or something."
"Mom," she sighed.
"Sorry," Johanna replied; "But it's true…I'm still waiting for us to make those plans to see a show or something."
"We will," she promised. "Maybe next week…you better find some shows for us to choose from."
"I'll send you a list tomorrow so we can both choose," Johanna told her as she stepped closer and pulled her into a hug.
Kate closed her eyes, breathing in the familiar scent of strawberries and the soft notes of her mother's perfume. "I guess I probably made you mad again."
"No, I'm not mad," she replied, giving her a tight squeeze. "I'm always happy to see you. I'd be mad if you snubbed me in public…then I'd have to tell your date childhood stories about you."
"I wouldn't like that."
"I know…so remember that," Johanna said lightly.
Kate tightened her hold on her for a moment, wondering when things would ever feel right between them again. "You'll let me know you got home alright?"
"Yes," her mother told her as she pulled back and kissed her cheek. "You'll do the same?"
Kate nodded. "I promise…I'm on call tomorrow but if I don't get called out, I'll come by Grandma's for dinner, okay?"
Johanna smiled. "That would be great…Gabby will be there, will you be alright with that?"
"Yeah; of course. Maybe Grandma can pick on her this time."
"She'll be so happy to have two of her grandchildren at the table that she might not want to pick on anyone," Johanna replied.
"Well don't make her a promise; I am going to try but with being on call, you know how it goes."
"I know, Katie; it's alright. I'm not going to be mad if you get called into work."
"Alright," she said with a nod, allowing a small smile to touch her lips. "I better be getting back; Castle and I are going to a movie."
"Do you want to sneak some candy in in your pocket?" Johanna asked, holding up the small bag full of candy she had just bought at the small candy shop she had gone into.
Kate laughed. "Is that what's in the bag?"
"Yes; and I'm willing to share," she said as she opened it for her daughter to peer into.
Kate plucked out a few small pieces of candy and tucked them into the pocket of her purse. "Did you pick something for Rick?" her mother asked.
"May I?"
"Of course."
She dipped her hand back into the bag, selecting a few small candy bars for him and tucking them into her purse as well. "Thanks, Mom."
"No problem; but tell him the popcorn's on him."
Kate laughed. "I think that's a given."
Johanna gave her a smile. "Go on, Katie; have a nice time…don't worry about me; I'm fine and I'll be heading home soon."
"And I promise to get her there safely," Jeff assured.
"Make sure you do," Kate said, shooting him a look.
"I promise."
She gave her attention back to her mother. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, Mom."
"Alright, sweetheart. I love you."
"I love you too," she replied, gripping her mother's hand for a moment and then releasing it so that she could head back across the street to where Castle was waiting for her.
"How did it go?" Castle asked once Kate made her way back to his side.
"I need to stop listening to you," she replied.
"Why?"
"Because I went over there and started interrogating and in some round about way, asking intentions."
Castle laughed. "Oh God, now I wish I had gone with you because I would've loved that."
"Yeah, well…I kind of also told her I've changed my mind and that she shouldn't date."
He laughed even more. "I'm surprised she didn't jump for joy over that announcement."
"She played it cool; acting like she enjoys it and I'm the one who ruins it with interrogations and spying."
"Not everyone sees those things as a turn on like we do," Castle quipped.
"Don't say those words in relation to my mother, Castle," she said, slight horror in her voice.
"Sorry," he chuckled; slipping his arm around her as they began to move forward once again. "She hugged you so I'm assuming it wasn't a total disaster."
"No, but it could've been," she admitted. "She did give us some candy for the movie though…she had gone into that candy shop on that side of the street; she let me pick some things."
"Did you get me anything?" he asked.
"Some candy bars."
"Awesome…see, it's a good thing that you went over there and cleared your name and left her off the dating hook; she rewarded us with free candy…next time try to get popcorn money too."
"She said the popcorn was on you," Kate replied.
"I can live with that. Are you okay though…I know you don't like her being out with your Dad's friend but I think she's safe with him."
"I know she's safe with him but I still don't like it…and maybe telling her that I've changed my mind will mean that she'll stop seeing Jeff; she probably won't do it right away because she'll think that will look suspicious…but after a few more outings, she'll probably let it end and we'll never bring it up again."
"You said she needs to be occupied though."
"She does…so…eventually I'm going to have to give her grandchildren."
He grinned. "I'm willing to help with that."
"I do love a volunteer," Kate quipped.
He chuckled quietly and pulled her closer. "Don't worry, Kate; everything will work out between you and your Mom…and maybe once she retires she'll find some peace and some hobbies that keep her occupied until those grandchildren appear."
She leaned into him. "Let's just forget about it and get back to our evening. I told her I'll talk to her tomorrow…we'll figure things out."
"I'm sure you will," he agreed, pressing a kiss against her head. He was just glad that they had figured themselves out these last few months. They were going slowly and he was sure that the bubble they were in wouldn't last forever; that there would be ups and downs to work through but for tonight he was content with the way things were.
Once Jeff and Johanna were settled into his car, he glanced at his friend and smiled. "I must've done a good job at convincing Katie that the dates were real."
Johanna laughed. "Yeah; you did…I think it may be paying off; did you hear her; she's changed her mind about me dating."
He nodded; a grin playing on his lips. "I did hear that…I'm not sure rather to be flattered or offended that seeing you with me is enough to make her change her mind."
"Oh don't be offended; she'd probably have that reaction to any man," she assured. "But it just goes to show that I should've just come to you first instead of trying the route of making up an imaginary date."
"Yes, you should've just come to me first," he agreed; "We could've had you out of the dating game last week. I'm still going to come around the office to take you out to lunch to help combat the morons there; the ones chasing you and the ones telling you how to live."
"I would appreciate that," Johanna replied; "And I didn't say we couldn't eat dinner together anymore. I don't want you to think we can't meet up to talk when you need to like tonight."
"I would appreciate that, Sassy," Jeff said honestly. "Some things can't be squeezed into a lunch break."
"That's true…and like you always tell me, there's no law that says friends can't go out and share a meal together."
"You're right…and with this Maggie thing, I probably will need advice to keep from botching it…but what would you tell Katie?"
"Now that she's changed her mind, if she questioned why I was having dinner with you, I'd tell her the truth; I'm having dinner with you because you're my friend and I enjoy your company."
He gave her a smile as he kissed her cheek. "I enjoy your company too, Sassy; and you know that we don't have to just talk about me when we meet up…we can talk about you too…and Jim…and anything else you need to talk about."
"I know," she assured; "And I appreciate that…because sometimes I do need to talk…even if it's just rehashing old memories."
He took her hand and gave it a squeeze. "You feel free to do that anytime; I don't mind. Memories keep him close to us."
Johanna nodded, gripping his hand in return. "His birthday is coming up in July…I'm always a mess that week. I've gotten good at hiding it but I am."
"Well, I know it's a few weeks away," Jeff said; "But how about we meet up on Jim's birthday; we'll go eat his favorite meal and have a drink for him…talk about him all you want…a little celebration for him."
Her smile wobbled a little. "I'd like that…it might make it easier."
"Then that's what we'll do," Jeff promised. "For now I better get you home before Katie hunts me down and accuses me of improper behavior."
"Daughters," Johanna sighed.
"I know," he said with a shake of his head as he started the engine. "There's just no pleasing them."
"That's true," she said as she leaned back against the seat and closed her eyes. She felt like maybe things would grow a little more stable with Katie now if she was getting off the dating kick…and getting through Jim's birthday in a few weeks might be somewhat easier now that she had a plan with Jeff. Jeff didn't mind her need to talk and reminisce and it made her feel more steady…more confident that she wasn't crazy for still loving her husband and surrounding herself with his memory. With Jeff and Maggie in her corner and Katie coming around in some aspects, she felt like she'd be alright when she retired. Maybe she was finally going to have that peace of mind that Elizabeth often spoke of…or at least she hoped so. Life wasn't how she had planned it years ago with Jim but maybe now it would be easier to get through.
That night found Jim sitting in his living room as the television played without his notice. His work was finished…and he was exhausted from pushing through so much, working late into the night every night that week and only catching a few hours sleep before heading to the office for the day but he was finished. His workload was taken care of…his office cleaned out and ready for someone else to use. Jim glanced to the corner of the living room; he had packed his suitcases that morning and stacked them in the corner near the door…he had emptied the fridge of everything accept beverages and had ordered takeout for his dinner.
He had thought about packing up his whole apartment…but the doubts that Agent Highland had sewed into his mind had made him hold off. He should probably hold on to his apartment…just in case Johanna and Katie didn't want him back. If they didn't want him, he wouldn't have any reason to stay in New York…with the exception of his mother that was…and he wasn't even guaranteed to be welcomed by her. His mother was a stubborn woman…one who didn't easily forgive…she might not want him either. He definitely wouldn't have reason to stay if none of the women in his life wanted him back. If that happened, he'd have to crawl back to Virginia and resume life as Robert Stafford. He frowned, that wasn't an appealing thought…one he wouldn't have had to live with all week if it hadn't been for Agent Highland and his unsolicited advice.
Jim breathed deeply and tipped the bottle of beer against his lips as he glanced at the screen of his laptop. There was another picture of his wife and his best friend on the screen…apparently having another little law firm reunion. He glared at Jeff's image for a moment and then told himself that he wasn't being rational…the caption had the word 'friend' in it so surely it couldn't be what he thought…but he wasn't sure he liked it anyway. Jeff seemed to be spending a lot of time with his wife this week and it just didn't sit right in some ways…even if it was innocent.
He shifted his gaze to Johanna's image; she was laughing…and he could almost hear the musical tones of her laugh. His heart stung a little; he'd missed her laugh…her smile…everything about her. If he had any luck at all, next Saturday night he would be the one sitting at a restaurant with Johanna; seeing her smile and hearing her laugh…holding her hand…going home with her…kissing her goodnight with no intention of saying goodnight at all.
It wouldn't be much longer…he'd be leaving for New York the next evening. Agent Highland had asked him to wait until late Sunday afternoon and to not make his presence known until the Agent contacted him once he arrived in New York sometime Monday. He had reluctantly agreed to hole up in some hotel but he felt like Highland was just hemming and hawing when he had every right to get back to his life.
He desperately needed to get back to his life…needed to see his mother…needed to apologize to his daughter…needed to get back to his wife before Jeff got ideas of being more than friendly. He'd really hate to have to hit his best friend…he had missed him…but if he was trying to move in on his wife…well, their reunion wasn't going to be what he had hoped. "Soon," he told Johanna's image on the screen. "I'll be there soon, sweetheart…and you'll be having dinner with me. I just have to make it to Monday and we'll be together again. I'm almost home."
Almost home…the words echoed in his mind; he was nervous but also exhilarated with the idea of putting his feet on New York soil again…of breathing the same air as his wife and daughter. He just had to get there…had to make everything work out…and if Jeff did have some idea in mind of being more than friendly with Johanna…well then Jeff was just going to have to forget it, plain and simple, he reasoned. She was his and he was coming home for her…and no one was going to get in his way.
A/N: An arrival in the next chapter!