Unraveled

by evitascarlett

An Apologize AU in which the roles are reversed, Johanna lived and Jim was the one who was gone: Their world had unraveled thirteen years ago and they had never really been the same, struggling to move on, to have some sort of peace when nothing felt right without him…and now it was about to unravel once more. See Author's note for more details. Castle Ficathon 2020.

17. Chapter 17

A/N: This one is a bit longer than other chapters I believe; but once the characters got going, I couldn't stop them and they gave me things I hadn't seen coming. I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing this one.

Chapter 17

"I think we're neglecting Johanna," Jim remarked; glancing at his wife as she sat quietly across from him at his mother's dining room table, her eyes on her cup of tea.

"You're right," his mother said, her eyes moving to Johanna. "I'm sorry, dear; I didn't mean to ignore you."

Johanna shook her head. "It's fine; you two have a lot of catching up to do…maybe I should go on home."

"No!" Elizabeth exclaimed. "You can't go…you always stay until I go to bed."

That was true and she knew Elizabeth was worried that things would change between them now that Jim was there. "I know and I planned on staying but I don't want to intrude on your time with Jim."

"Don't be silly," the old woman replied. "You're not intruding…and you and Jimmy have just as much catching up to do as me."

"We're just more talkative than you," Jim commented.

Johanna glanced at him, knowing he wasn't happy with her quiet demeanor but she hadn't felt at ease all evening, unsure of what to say or do. It had been an extremely awkward affair so far…she didn't like it anymore than he did but she just didn't know what to do at the moment. "What would you like me to say?"

"Anything," Jim replied. "I'm starting to think that you've forgotten how to talk."

"Well maybe you should try asking me something," she remarked. "You haven't really given me an avenue of conversation to concentrate on."

"I asked you how you were," her husband stated.

"And I answered…I'm fine."

"You can't elaborate?" he asked.

"If I'm fine, there isn't much to elaborate on. Is that the only question you have?" she asked; thinking about how he had yet to really ask her anything about herself.

He shrugged. "I'm not sure what I'm allowed to ask."

"Anything you want."

Jim shifted in his seat. "How was work today?"

"Annoying," she answered. "How was your day?"

He frowned at her. "It was fine."

She nodded. "You've settled in?"

"Yes…but if you'd change your mind about letting me come home…"

"Jimmy," Elizabeth chastened, stirring her own tea as she looked away from the photo album on the table.

"I didn't say she had to change her mind tonight," he stated.

"I know you're angry with me," Johanna replied; "But I'm not ready."

"I'm not angry…I'm disappointed," Jim remarked. "But I guess that's how it has to be for now. I just wish you were a little more talkative…I've looked forward to seeing you all day and you've either hid in the kitchen or sat there like a statue."

"Jimmy," his mother hissed again.

"Well it's the truth," he muttered.

"I was in the kitchen because I had to make dinner," Johanna retorted; "And since you stuffed your face with it and had seconds, I'm assuming you didn't have a problem with the meal I provided."

"No, I've never had a problem with the meals you provide. You know I love your cooking," Jim replied. "I did offer to help you with the dishes…you told me no."

"I told you no because I could handle it and I figured you could keep your mother company…she wanted to show you those pictures of things you had missed."

"I think you told me no because you don't want to be around me," Jim told her, his gaze pinned to her. "You've made it obvious that you don't want to be here."

Her eyes narrowed, anger flickering in their green depths. "If I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't be," she said firmly. "I don't know what you want me to do. I made you dinner, I'm here."

"You're here for Mom and you made dinner for her."

"I made enough for you, didn't I?" she asked. "I could've just made enough for two like I usually do but I made enough for three…plus extra in case you wanted more, and you did. Don't act like I didn't include you."

"Fine, you included me meal wise…you just don't want to talk to me apparently."

"You and Elizabeth have been talking," she said firmly. "I didn't want to interrupt."

"You could've just joined in."

"And you know how to address me if you want to speak to me," Johanna retorted.

"I've been trying to talk to you all day," Jim said sharply. "I texted you this morning and you didn't answer."

"I didn't have time; I had to get to work," she replied. "I answered the one you sent at lunch time."

"Yeah; four words, I'm fine, just busy," he stated.

"Then you can't say I didn't answer."

"I sent you a message later on."

"Yeah, I know," Johanna said; "And I answered it; telling you that I'd be here at my usual time and that I'm sure your mother had told you that it would be five or a little after."

"I was just trying to make conversation…I'm trying to stay connected to you."

"Jimmy," his mother stated; "I told you that she was at work and that she would be over; you shouldn't bother her when she's working."

"She used to like being bothered at work," he commented as he took a sip of his coffee. "I used to call her at her office…she always called mine."

"I didn't have a problem with you texting me," Johanna stated; "I just couldn't give in depth responses. I was working…and trying very hard to stay focused on it and failing miserably all on my own without your help."

"Fine, I won't text you during business hours again," he said gruffly.

She breathed deeply. "I didn't say you couldn't text me…just don't expect a long reply if I'm not on a break, okay? I'm sorry."

Jim nodded. "I'm sorry too…if I had known you were having a hard time focusing, I wouldn't have sent more than the first message."

"It's alright…I should've just taken another day off but I had meetings on my schedule that I couldn't put off."

"Are you going to work tomorrow?" Elizabeth asked.

Johanna nodded. "I have to…my afternoon appointments from Monday are rescheduled for tomorrow...and so are some of them from yesterday when I took off. The rest are scheduled for Friday so I might be a little late getting here Friday, Liz."

"That's alright; just let me know so I don't worry," her mother-in-law replied.

"I'll let you know; I'll make something easy for dinner so it won't take so long when I get here."

"I'll just order dinner Friday," Jim stated; "Then you won't have to worry about it…you can take care of your work and go home."

Johanna looked stricken by the comment and Elizabeth glared at her son. "Don't you tell her not to come over," she said angrily. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I was just giving her a break; I can make sure you have dinner and then she won't have to come over…she probably doesn't want to anyway with me here," he couldn't help but say.

"I never said that," Johanna said sharply. "I do have a packed schedule on Friday and will most likely be late; it has nothing to do with you…but if you don't want me here; I'll make Liz's dinner at home and bring it to the door for her."

"That's enough!" Elizabeth exclaimed. "I don't want things to change; that's why I asked if Johanna would be alright with this before I let you move in Jimmy; and there you are, telling her to stay away when you know I need her!"

"I'm sorry, Mom," he said sincerely. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"I'm not going anywhere, Liz," Johanna replied. "He claims he wants to see me so he can just get used to me walking through your door."

"I do want to see you," Jim retorted; "I want to see you all the time…you're the one who doesn't want to see me."

"If I didn't want to see you, I wouldn't have come to your hotel room Monday night," she shot back. "I wouldn't have had breakfast with you…and I wouldn't have let you talk me into staying when I was going to leave. If I didn't want to see you, I wouldn't have stayed here most of the day yesterday. So don't even try and act like I'm avoiding you because I'm not. I'm doing the best I can, Jim."

"And don't forget," Elizabeth stated; "She brought cherry pie for dessert…your favorite…and you did eat it."

"Yeah; so don't be a jackass," Johanna remarked. "I bought that damn pie for you…cherry isn't your mother's favorite."

"I like it better when you make it yourself," he commented.

"James Robert!" Elizabeth exclaimed. "Will you stop!?"

"I didn't have time to make it myself," Johanna stated; "Be lucky I bought you one."

Jim breathed deeply. "I appreciate you buying me one…you didn't have to."

"I know," she said pointedly; "But I did."

"Maybe next time you can just try to talk more," her husband stated. "Maybe then you won't squirm so much the entire time you're here. I feel like I have the plague the way you've been acting all evening."

"I'm sorry I keep offending you," Johanna said sharply; "Why don't you just write me up a list of topics for Friday's dinner and then I'll be ready for you…maybe that will make you happy."

"I'll be happy if you just act like you know me instead of treating me like a stranger," Jim remarked. "We're married…we had a child together…I'm not a stranger, Johanna."

"I know that!" she exclaimed. "I'm trying…I can't help it that I don't know what to say at the moment. Things didn't go all that well at the hotel when I came to talk to you…I'm not sure what I'm allowed to say…and it's not like you're helping me. Why don't you do some of the heavy lifting? Conversation is a two way street; maybe it would be easier if you'd make some damn effort instead of putting it all on me when it comes to conversation. You know how to ask questions just as well as I do…so why don't you? Why is it all on me?"

"She has a point, Jimmy," his mother stated.

He sighed deeply. "At any point tonight can you take a turn of being on my side?"

"I'm on both of your sides," Elizabeth remarked. "Johanna, you need to relax a little; like he says, he isn't a stranger even if it has been a long time since we saw him; and Jimmy, she's right, you need to do your share of the heavy lifting. If you want better conversation from her, then try instigating it instead of picking a fight. Now that's enough bickering, let's try this again. I'll show you both how since you seem to have forgotten. Johanna, how was work? Were you in court or is that tomorrow?"

Johanna breathed deeply. "I'm in court tomorrow. Work was annoying like I said earlier; I couldn't stay focused and when I was, I kept finding little issues that needed dealt with and I found it extremely annoying and frustrating."

"Probably because you didn't feel up to dealing with it," her mother-in-law commented.

"That's true," she said with a nod. "I didn't feel like dealing with it…I'll be glad to be in court tomorrow just to be away from the office."

"Add something to conversation, Jimmy," Elizabeth prompted.

He took a drink of his coffee. "What kind of case do you have in court tomorrow?" he asked.

"Breech of contract," Johanna answered; "It's one of my long time clients."

He nodded. "Is it a complicated case or one that's dealt with easily?"

"I think it's going to be dealt with easily…it should be wrapped up in one day."

"That's good."

Silence fell over the table for several minutes, making Elizabeth sigh. "Jimmy; do you have any plans? Being away from New York for so long, I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to get out and see the city for awhile."

"I've been thinking about that," he admitted. "Maybe I'll do that this week…you can go with me, Mom; get out of the house a little."

"That will be nice, dear. Johanna and I usually go out for a little while on Saturday mornings. Where are we going this Saturday, Johanna?"

Johanna shifted subtly in her seat. "I figure we'll do our grocery shopping at some point…I'd thought I'd take you to a few stores to look around...there's also a book sale at the library I thought we'd check out…maybe go somewhere for lunch."

"I'm looking forward to it," Elizabeth stated, a smile on her lips. "Maybe Jimmy can meet us for lunch."

Jim glanced at Johanna and saw her tense a little. "I don't want to interrupt girls day," he stated. "You two can have that one to yourselves."

"You wouldn't be interrupting," his mother stated; "Would he, Johanna?"

"No, of course not."

"But still," he said, glancing at his mug of coffee; "It sounds like a girls day and I don't have much to offer on the topics of sales and such; you two do your thing on Saturday. I'll be fine."

It grew quiet once again, Elizabeth suppressing a sigh as she took the lead once more. "Jimmy, is there any of your friends you would like to ask Johanna about? I know she's kept in touch with several of them since they were friends of hers as well."

Yeah; he knew she was keeping in touch with Jeff, Jim thought to himself, a flare of jealousy in his veins as he thought of those photos on her Facebook page. "Jeff," he stated. "How is Jeff?"

"He's fine," Johanna answered; "He's semi-retired…from the way it sounds he does the same thing you've been doing; case building and research…he's doing that at Roche."

"Has he remarried?" he asked.

"No…he's still in love with Maggie."

He nodded. "I guess she's still married to the idiot she ran off with."

"No; she's been divorced for years…she's moving back to the city soon," Johanna answered. "I'm looking forward to her being back."

"I didn't think you two spoke to each other…you weren't when I left."

"We weren't…but when she heard about you…" she trailed off. "Well, she started calling and we worked things out."

He nodded. "That's good. I hope Jeff will understand my situation when he finds out that I'm back in the city."

"He understands," Johanna replied. "He's looking forward to seeing you."

Jim eyed her. "How would he understand when I haven't told him?"

"I told him," she answered. "I asked him to meet me yesterday and I told him…I thought you'd want me to notify him…I'm sorry if overstepped."

"No; it's fine…I don't really know how to tell people anyway. How did he take it?"

"He thought I lost my mind."

Jim's brow rose. "You convinced him that you haven't though?"

"Yes…he believes me."

"And he took it okay?"

Johanna nodded. "He was fine…he's missed you."

He had missed his friend too…but he was still concerned about those pictures. "Have you told anyone else?"

"No; I only told Jeff because he's your best friend…I haven't even told my siblings yet."

"Why not?"

She breathed deeply. "I'm just trying to find the right way…and Frankie and Valerie are away right now; I'll tell them next weekend when I have dinner with them."

"See," Elizabeth stated; "You two know how to have a conversation; you just have to help each other out."

Before she could respond, Johanna's phone rang and she picked it up from the table. "It's Katie; I have to answer it."

"Go on," her mother-in-law told her. "You know I don't care if you answer your phone."

"I didn't want your son to be offended," she stated before tapping the icon to accept the call, ignoring Jim's smirk as she did so. "Hello, Katie."

"Come outside," her daughter stated.

Johanna's brow furrowed. "What?"

"I'm in the driveway; come outside."

"Katie; I'm really in no mood to play games; if you're here just come in the house. There's pie in the kitchen."

"I'm not coming in and I'm not hungry. I just want to talk to you for a minute in person; so please, just come outside. It won't take long."

"Katie," she sighed. "What's this about?"

"Mom, please just come outside for a minute; it's not a big deal."

"Alright," she relented; "I'll be out in a minute."

"Thank you," her daughter replied before ending the call.

"What was that all about?" Elizabeth asked as Johanna rose from her chair, shoving her phone in her pocket as she did so.

"Katie's outside; she wants to talk to me for a minute."

"Why doesn't she just come in?" Jim asked.

She glanced at her husband, her stomach twisting as she prayed whatever Katie wanted didn't involve another bombshell regarding him. "I don't think she's ready to see you yet. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Tell her you raised her better than this," Elizabeth called after her. "My own granddaughter refusing to come in my house; tell her I'm not pleased."

"I'll tell her," Johanna remarked before passing through the swinging door that separated the dining room from the kitchen; praying it was something simple…like maybe she was short on cash and didn't have time to go to the bank; that happened once in awhile and it was never a problem to lend her a few dollars to tide her over until life slowed enough for her to go to the bank. Maybe she wanted to borrow a piece of her jewelry or something from her closet…also an easily dealt with thing…but she had a feeling she wasn't going to be that lucky.

---

Johanna felt a sense of trepidation slide down her spine as she stepped out on the back porch, seeing her daughter pacing in the driveway. "What's wrong, Katie?" she asked as she made her way down the steps.

"Nothing's wrong," Kate answered. "I just have something I want you to do."

"Why don't you come inside and see your grandmother, you know she's going to be offended that you stayed out here," Johanna replied; a part of her unsure if she wanted to know what her daughter wanted her to do.

"Castle's waiting for me in the car," Kate replied, nodding to the car that was parked behind Johanna's.

"So bring him in so she can meet him; you know she likes to be included in your life."

"I'm not going in there while he's there," her daughter remarked. "I can't believe you're in there."

"Katie," she sighed. "I'm not going to abandon your grandmother and neither are you because I won't allow it. I understand though if you need more time before seeing your father again…but I know that he would like to see you and talk to you."

"I'm glad you understand," Kate replied; ignoring the rest of her mother's statement; "Because I need you to give this to him," she said, handing her mother a folded piece of paper.

"What is it?"

"It's the address and time for him to show up at Lanie's office," she explained. "I want a DNA test."

Johanna's jaw dropped, shock spreading across her features. "Are you crazy?"

"No, I'm not. It's just a fool proof way to prove who he is. So tell him to be there Friday morning."

"No," Johanna said with a shake of her head. "I won't do it."

Kate looked at her in surprise. "Why not?"

"Because it's ridiculous, Katie!"

"It most certainly is ridiculous," Elizabeth stated from the porch. "You're not only calling him a liar; you're calling your mother and I one too."

"How do you figure, Grandma?"

"We've identified him," Elizabeth remarked. "If you can't take my word that I know my son and that your mother knows her husband, than you're calling us liars."

"No," Kate replied; "It's me knowing that the two of you can be clouded by emotion."

"No, it's you being a brat and thinking that no one has a functioning brain but you," the old woman retorted. "Now you get in this house and discuss this like a grown up."

"No, I'm not coming in," her granddaughter told her. "I'll visit you when you don't have company."

"Let me tell you something, missy," Elizabeth said, jabbing a finger in her direction; "I will not ask my son to leave my home so you can walk through the door. So you come over when you get over yourself."

"Fine," Kate said with a smirk; "Don't complain when I don't visit."

"I won't," Elizabeth said firmly before she turned and went back into the house.

"Katie," Johanna began to say.

"Don't lecture me about Grandma," her daughter stated.

"Fine; we can leave that for another day," Johanna replied; "But she does have a point; we have identified him…and you know it's him too, Katie; you're just angry and I get that but you need to stop. I understood your need to investigate…and I'm assuming that you still haven't found anything out of place…but this is going too far."

"Not to me it isn't."

"Katie; have you found anything in your investigation? You told me you hadn't found anything…has that changed?"

"No."

"So you have no evidence that he isn't who he says he is…who the FBI says he is."

"I don't trust him," her daughter replied. "I don't trust anything when it comes to this case. Just because I haven't found anything doesn't mean that there isn't something to hide. Now I just need you to give him the information…I'm not asking you for blood; just to hand him the paper and tell him."

Johanna shook her head. "Where did this idea even come from?"

"Me," Castle said as he got out of the car. "I thought of it."

Johanna scoffed. "How nice of you."

"I want her to have peace of mind," he replied.

"Yeah; well maybe you ought to keep your nose out of my family's business," Johanna retorted.

"Kate is my business," he remarked; his jaw growing tense; "Especially when it's something that could hurt her. You'd think that you'd want the proof too…I mean this is one thing that can leave no doubt."

"I don't need it," Johanna said angrily. "I don't have any doubts. I know who my husband is. I know who my daughter's father is and it's the man in that house and maybe she'd accept that if you weren't encouraging things like this!"

"I want her to have peace of mind," Castle said once more. "I want that for both of you."

She shook her head. "You don't know anything about what I need."

"Mom," Kate said, drawing her attention back to her. "I'm not doing this to hurt you; I'm doing it because it needs to be done and we'll know for sure. So please just do this for me and tell him."

"No!" Johanna exclaimed. "I won't do your dirty work; if you want this, you tell him yourself."

"Mom," she sighed.

"No, Katie! You want it; you be a grown woman and march in there and tell him yourself instead of hiding behind me. You tell him to his face because I'm not doing it."

"Tell me what?" Jim asked as he came down the porch steps, seeing his wife's hands tremble with anger.

Silence fell over the driveway as he stepped into place beside his wife. "Well?" he asked; "I assume this is about me, so what is it that your mother wants you to tell me yourself, Katie?"

"Give him the paper, Mom," Kate remarked, her gaze flicking away from him and focusing on Johanna.

"No," she said, holding it out to her daughter; "It's your note, you deliver it."

Kate snatched the paper from her hand. "You've gotten awful contrary since the last time we talked on the phone."

"That's because I get irritated when you do something stupid…especially when it's something stupid that one of your boyfriends thinks up and you go along with it."

"She still hasn't broken that habit?" Jim asked, glancing at Johanna.

"I thought she had but clearly I was wrong."

He sighed deeply; his gaze moving to his daughter, seeing the anger that was still etched onto her face. "Katie; can't we go sit down and talk for awhile? If you must have your boyfriend with you, I can deal with it…I'd rather talk to just you…or just you and your mother but I can deal with him being there if you'd just come in and talk for a little while."

"We don't have anything to discuss right now; I already heard your tale at the precinct," Kate remarked.

"That doesn't mean we can't discuss it further. I want us to get past this; you're my daughter, I love you. I came home to be with both of my girls."

Angry tears glittered in Kate's eyes. "We're not your girls anymore."

"Yes, you are," Jim said, his tone quiet. "I know you're hurt and angry, but you're always going to be my girl…both of you are. You're my girls and I still love you both more than anything in this world. Let's talk for awhile."

She shook her head. "No. I only came here to ask Mom to do me a favor but since she's refusing…"

"Your mother has rarely denied you anything, Katie," Jim remarked; "So if she's doing it now, it must be because she doesn't feel it's something you should do."

"Well I don't care if she wants it done or not," his daughter retorted as she held the paper out to him.

Jim took the slip of paper with a heavy breath. "What is this, some kind of warrant? Do you want to search my apartment in Virginia? My car or my luggage?"

"No," she said sharply; "I want you to be at the address on that paper at the time specified on Friday morning."

"For what?"

"For a DNA test," Kate stated; looking him in the eye as she said the words.

Anger washed over him as his eyes widened. "You can't be serious," he said sharply.

"Oh I'm very serious," his daughter replied.

"I can't believe this," Jim spat angrily. "A DNA test like I'm some goddamn stranger that you've never seen before in your life?! I am your father, Katie!"

"Then prove it," she said. "If you're really my father, you won't mind taking the test to prove it. You're not worried that the test will come back saying you're not my father, are you?"

"If that test said I wasn't your father, your mother would have a hell of a lot of explaining to do and a lot of money to pay me back for supporting you for eighteen years," Jim yelled.

"Excuse me?" Johanna said, turning her gaze toward him; her brow arched as she did so.

"Don't give me that look," Jim told her angrily; "I know she's mine; there's never been any doubt in my mind. Your daughter is the one who's out of her mind; why don't you give her a look."

"I already told her she's being ridiculous," his wife replied. "That's why I told her I wasn't going to be the one to tell you that she wanted this."

"Well she can want it until hell freezes over," Jim said sharply as he eyed his daughter; "But this is where I draw the line. I'm not doing some DNA test to prove anything to you. I am your father and you know it; you just want to be petty."

"No, I want proof…cops like proof," Kate said bitterly; "And so do lawyers…being a supposed lawyer, you'd think you'd be all for providing proof."

"You already got the proof; you had an FBI agent tell you everything."

"Yeah; well like I told my mother, when it comes to this case, I trust nothing," Kate stated; "And until I know one hundred percent that there's not the slightest chance that you're a threat, I don't trust you and I don't have anything to say to you…and if I could; I'd keep you away from my mother and grandmother because they don't need to be burned again either…but I can't force them to keep their distance. I already told my mother that we don't know anything about you and that she shouldn't trust you but she's here anyway."

Jim scoffed. "She's here for your grandmother; believe me, she's hardly said anything to me all evening."

"Maybe she'd say more if you provided the proof I want."

"No," Johanna said; "You leave me out of it, Katie. I already told you that I have no doubt and no need of proof in this way. I know he's your father."

"Then he shouldn't have a problem proving it," their daughter said firmly. "It's just a swab of your cheek; what's so hard about it?"

"There's nothing difficult about it," Jim said angrily. "It's a matter of dignity. I know who I am, I know I'm your father, your mother knows it, your grandmother knows it. You're just determined to keep me away…well I'm not going anywhere and I'm not doing this damn test."

"Then we don't have anything to say to each other," Kate remarked.

"Katie…."

"No," she said; "Don't call me that...only my family gets to call me that and as far as I'm concerned, you're not family."

Johanna glanced at Castle who was standing by silently. "Are you satisfied with what your little idea has accomplished?" she asked.

"No; I didn't think it would turn out this way," he admitted. "Usually a man who loves his daughter will do anything for her to put her mind at ease…I guess I was wrong."

Jim shot him an angry look. "Don't you accuse me of not loving my daughter. I left here to keep her and my wife safe; I didn't care about myself. I was worried about them. I came home for them. You don't know me or anything about my family so why don't you keep your nose out of it."

"Kate's a part of my family," Castle stated; "I don't want her to have doubts about something so serious. I don't want her to be worried about what her mother might be getting into by accepting someone who won't give a simple test to prove who he is."

"She's not your family," Jim spat. "Have you put a ring on her finger?"

"No…"

"Then she's not yours to claim yet; and you don't need to worry about my wife; I'll worry about her. That's my job."

"If you really care about me and you have nothing to hide," Kate said; "Then you'll show up Friday morning and do what I ask."

Jim ripped up the paper and threw it on the ground. "I won't do it. I'm not going to let you treat me like some suspect. I am your father; my word should be good enough; your mother's word should be good enough…the word of a government agency should be good enough and yet it's not. So who's to say DNA will be good enough? Because it's going to tell you that I'm your father… and then what are you going to do, Katherine? What will you want me to do then? Write it in blood? Check my dental records? What? Where does it stop? I'm not going to do it…I'm not going to spend my life taking test after test while you do your damndest to discredit me. I have some pride left, you know; and you're going too far."

"Yeah; well I think I'm doing what I need to do…and if you can't do this one simple thing, then we have nothing to talk about. If you change your mind, you can let my mother know and she can contact me to arrange another time."

"Katie," he sighed.

"No," she said with a shake of her head. "We're done here."

Jim looked at Johanna, frustration wrapping around him like a vice. "Why are you just standing there? Say something to her, make her stop this!"

"What do you want me to do?" Johanna asked. "I refused to do her bidding but I can't keep her from asking."

"You could speak up!"

"I already have! Katie knows how I feel about this, she even said as much."

"Mom, I'll call you in the morning," Kate said, interrupting their exchange. "I'm going home."

"You should've gone home earlier," Johanna remarked; "This evening has been difficult enough and you had to make it worse."

"I'm doing it for you just as much as I'm doing it for me," Kate told her as she moved toward her. "You're just upset, we'll talk about it tomorrow."

"Katie," she sighed; anguish in her tone.

Her daughter hugged her tightly. "Help Grandma get ready for bed and go home, okay? This isn't about you; it's about him."

"I think it's about you," Johanna said, returning her daughter's hug for a moment before releasing her.

Kate shook her head. "It's not…you know it's the right thing to do."

"No; I don't think it is."

"You just want to protect him," she remarked as she stepped away; "But he needs to prove he's worthy of it by doing this…and since he won't, I have no choice but to believe that he has something to hide…and maybe you should think about that too, Mom."

"Just go, Katie; take your boyfriend and go," Johanna said, scrubbing her hand over her face. "I don't want to hear another word about it right now."

She nodded and murmured goodnight before she and Castle turned and moved back to the car.

Silence reigned in the driveway until the car pulled out of the driveway and disappeared out of sight. "I can't believe this," Jim muttered, kicking at the pieces of paper on the ground at his feet. "I can't believe her."

"She's always been stubborn," Johanna remarked.

"This is beyond stubborn," her husband retorted. "This is stupid!"

"She doesn't seem to think so."

"How can you let her do this?" Jim asked.

Johanna looked at him incredulously. "I don't let her do anything," she retorted. "She's a grown woman with her own mind; I don't get to pull the strings anymore, Jim. What do you want me to do, ground her? Take away her driving privileges? She's not a kid that I have control over anymore."

"I know that," he spat; "But you could do something…anything. You're her mother…she listens to you."

She scoffed softly. "Rarely. As much as I hate to admit it, Katie and I aren't as close as we used to be."

He looked startled at the announcement, a long pause falling between them. "Why is that?" he finally asked.

She kept her gaze on his. "Because she blamed me," she answered. "She's always felt that I should've known what you were working on…she blames me for not knowing which led to you…being absent," she said for lack of better words. "I don't blame her for it…I've spent all of these years blaming myself too."

Jim shook his head. "It's not your fault."

"Maybe it is," she remarked; "Because if I had known that you were working on something that was potentially dangerous, I would've asked you to stop…just like you asked me to quit working on the charity projects in Washington Heights after a threat was made. I walked away from it for you…and I would've asked you to do the same for me. These last few days, I keep thinking back to those last days with you; trying to see where I missed the signs…because I know they had to be there; I just missed them…and there's too many emotions to look at it objectively and find them at the moment but I know they had to be there and I missed it. I was used to you keeping things to yourself when it was a big case…used to you not being as open when you were chasing a damn promotion," she said, a sad smile touching her lips; "Those were the only times when you put me second in your life…when you were chasing the next promotion or trying to prove that you had earned the one you had gotten."

"Do you think I haven't had plenty of time to regret all the times I took you for granted?" Jim asked. "Do you think I haven't looked back at those times? Do you think I don't regret taking that case?"

"I know you regret it," Johanna replied; "I just wish I could've stopped it…and maybe I could have if I had pushed…but I knew pushing never got me anywhere…but I regret not doing it anyway."

"It's not your fault, Johanna; there was nothing you could do…and I'll tell Katie that myself," he said angrily.

"I don't think it would change her mind…she's had it made up for so long that I don't think she knows how to change it."

Jim raked his fingers through his hair. "So I guess that's one more thing I get to carry the blame for; you and Katie not having a good relationship anymore."

Johanna shook her head. "No; that's on us…and it's not terrible…I wouldn't even call it bad; it's just that she pushed me away after you were…" she trailed off; "She just doesn't want to be close anymore. I try…and maybe sometimes I try too hard because I'm afraid she'll leave me behind completely one day…but it's just the way things are now. I'm not blaming you."

"Tell that to your face," he spat as he paced away from her a few steps.

"What the hell are you talking about?" she asked.

"It's written all over your face that you blame me," he retorted; "Why shouldn't you!?"

"Because I don't want to and I don't need to. You didn't make her push me away; she made that choice on her own and I couldn't find the right way to break through to keep her from doing it. I didn't blame you so whatever you think you're seeing, you're seeing it wrong."

"What's wrong is having to take a DNA test to prove I'm my daughter's father! You have to do something about this because it's ridiculous!"

"What do you want me to do!" she yelled. "If you don't want to do it, don't…but if you refuse you're just going to convince her that you have something to hide; she's made that more than clear."

Jim shook his head as he looked at her. "You want me to do it too…because you don't trust me either; you're still not convinced that I'm who I say I am. Katie's gotten into your head and convinced you not to trust me."

"That's not true!" she exclaimed; "If I thought you weren't who you said you were, I would've never brought you around your mother! I told you I believed you. I told her I had no doubts. I told her to leave me out of her demand. I believe you."

"It doesn't feel that way when you're acting like I should just do Katie's bidding," he said angrily. "I shouldn't have to keep jumping through these damn hoops to prove to either one of you who I am when you both damn well know; you know me…you even had an FBI agent tell you everything and yet you come to the hotel and grill me on relationship trivia and my daughter's demanding DNA. What a homecoming; you two really know how to make a man feel good."

Her chin trembled as she fought back the tears the filled her eyes; so much for getting through the evening peacefully. "I'll never ask you anything again, Jim," she said quietly. "Forgive me for needing reassurance that night…I mean I only spent the last thirteen years thinking my husband was dead and then he turns up out of the blue with a Lifetime movie story to tell but how dare I need assurance that this was all real. How dare I need to make sure before allowing contact to your elderly mother. I guess I should've just dropped at your feet there in the precinct…forgive me for not knowing how to do this correctly. If you don't want to do the test, don't do it; no one's forcing you…she can't legally make you do it. So don't go, Jim…do what you have to do while you sit and judge us for not reacting the way you think we should. I've spent all these years dreaming that I'd wake up and find out it was all a mistake…"

"You don't act like it," he muttered.

Angry tears spilled down her cheeks. "You didn't let me finish; I've dreamed about it a million times and it was never like this in my dreams…but dreams aren't reality, Jim…and we can't just snap our fingers and make everything perfect in a moment. I'm sorry we disappointed you…I'm sure you regret coming home."

"A part of me does," he said bitterly. "I thought I was coming home to the people who loved me…and it hasn't been that way at all."

"We do love you."

"You'll have to forgive me if I find it hard to believe right now. You can barely stand to sit across the table from me, Johanna."

"That's not true; it just felt awkward...I didn't know what to say…I'm out of the loop on your life and yet you get offended if I ask anything so it kind of leaves me in a difficult spot, Jim."

"You could just try to be yourself," he retorted. "Maybe it would be easier if you'd be yourself."

She gave a soft shake of her head, tiredness washing over her. "I'm not going to do this all night. I'm going in and get your mother settled for the night and then I'm leaving…and if I come back Friday it'll just be to fix her dinner and help her with whatever she needs done and then I'll leave. I don't want to offend you further with facial expressions, questions or awkwardness due to the new situation."

Jim scoffed. "I'll just go out on Friday evening so I don't interfere with Mom's routines with you…and then you won't have to worry about looking at the husband you're not sure you want back."

"Who ever said that!?" she yelled angrily. "I never said it! All I've said is that I need time…I haven't stayed away from you; I've answered your messages except for one this morning. You came home on Monday and this is Wednesday; what the hell do you want from me?! Why can't you give me a few days to get used to things? You used to understand me…you used to give me what I needed…I'm not the only one who's different, Jim; so are you."

He shook his head. "No; I'm not. I'm the same person I always was and you'd see that if you'd just give me a chance."

"How am I not giving you a chance?" she asked angrily; tears spilling down her cheeks. "I'm here…I haven't shunned you; I only asked for some time to adjust."

"You won't even let me touch you."

"You have touched me! You hugged me yesterday morning; you've touched my hand…"

"And you pull away," he retorted; "Like you can't stand to have me that close. Is there someone else, Jo?"

"No! I've already told you that."

"Then why do you pull away from me?" he asked.

"Because I'm not used to it anymore!" she yelled. "I'm not even used to the thought of you being in this world with me! I'm hurt and I'm angry…and you know I don't like to be touched when I'm angry. You learned that lesson the hard way a long time ago…but since it seems to be the biggest bone of contention for you, go ahead and do it."

"Do what?" Jim spat.

"Touch me," she said, stepping closer; "Go ahead if it'll make you feel better…since you think I'm doing it to offend you and I'm not. So do it, Jim."

"I thought you were going in the house," he retorted. "I thought you said you weren't going to do this all night."

"No, I'm going to stand right here until you get what you want," she said, moving even closer, her body brushing his. "Are you going to do it or not?"

Anger flickered in his eyes as he stepped back from her. "No; not like this…not because you're pissed off and want to prove something…because that's how you've always been, Johanna; when you're pissed off you do whatever it is that someone has brought up just to prove that you can do it and I don't want it that way."

"I don't think you know what you want," she shot back.

"I want everything that I apparently can't have anymore. I can't have my daughter and I can't have my wife so what the hell was the point in coming back? Is bad as it was to be away from you all this time it hurt less then coming back and finding myself unwanted here."

"No one said they didn't want you," Johanna told him. "You were naïve to think everything would be instantly perfect, Jim; you had to know it wouldn't be that easy. You sound like you're already giving up and you haven't even been here for a full week yet…that's not the man I know. The man I know didn't just give up because he didn't get his way the first time he stepped up to bat."

"Yeah, well, this man has wasted enough time as it is and doesn't want to waste anymore. We're not getting any younger, Johanna; how much longer am I supposed to wait? How long will it take for you to make up your mind?"

She scoffed, bitterness echoing in the sound. "Is this some kind of ultimatum? If I don't do things on your timeline then you're just going to say the hell with it?"

He shrugged. "I don't know…I just don't want to be wasting more time when I've already lost enough."

She nodded, angry tears blurring her vision. "I think you do know and it feels like an ultimatum…I either do it on your timeframe or you're just going to go…after upending my life again…because you think it should just all be your way and that I don't have a right to anything I feel right now."

"I didn't say that!" he yelled. "I know you're angry and hurt and you have a right to be, but goddamn it, Johanna; you're not even giving me a hint that you're going to give me a chance."

"I'm here aren't I?" she yelled back. "I came to your hotel; I met you here yesterday to be here while you saw your mother. I'm here today…I answered your messages. What more do I have to do right now?"

He paced a few steps. "I don't know."

"Well when you figure it out, let me know…that is if you figure it out fast enough to suit your standards."

"You can't blame me for wanting my life back," Jim retorted.

"I don't blame you! Do you think I don't want it back? Because I do…but you have to allow some time, Jim…I didn't say years worth…I just said time. Why is that so unreasonable?"

He didn't know why it felt so unreasonable to him…and he knew it wasn't fair of him but all he wanted was her and every time she was near and he had to face the knowledge that he still couldn't have her, it put a searing knife through his soul. He was angry and hurt and frustrated. He didn't know what to say…he didn't know how to do this anymore than she did and it made him even madder. She always knew what to do…she had always had an answer…so why didn't she now?

"Jim?" she murmured.

"Just go," he told her angrily.

Her chin quivered. "I have to make sure Liz is settled first."

"Then go do it," he exclaimed; "I'm not stopping you."

"Will you two quit yelling in my driveway," Elizabeth called out from the porch. "The neighbors are going to have a field day with this."

"I'm sorry, Liz," Johanna said as she turned toward the porch. "I'm coming in now."

"Jimmy?" his mother questioned.

"I'm coming in and getting my keys," he told her. "I'm going for a drive."

Worry flicked across his mother's face in the glow of the porch light. "You're coming back, aren't you?" she asked.

Another punch to his gut, Jim thought to himself. "Of course I am," he replied. "I just want to get a beer, that's all."

"Just go buy some and bring it home," Elizabeth stated; "You don't need to be out all night…you go get it and come home."

Jim nodded. "Okay; I promise I won't be long."

"You have your house key?" his mother asked as he and Johanna obediently made their way up to the back door.

"Yeah; I've got it," he assured. "I promise I'm coming back…I just need a little drive, I'll pick up some beer and come right back."

His mother nodded. "Alright."

They all moved into the house, Jim stalking up the set of stairs in the kitchen as Johanna turned toward Elizabeth. "Are you ready to get settled for the night, Liz?" she asked; her voice holding a note of emotion that she couldn't shake.

"Yes," her mother-in-law replied; "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

"You're not," Elizabeth said, reaching out and wiping away the moisture that was on her daughter-in-law's cheek.

Johanna shrugged, a wobbly smile touching her lips. "I'm used to not being fine…it's been my way of life for thirteen years now. I'm used to it. I'm going to get your glass of water to take up to your room for you."

Elizabeth watched her for a moment before heading for the stairs; deciding to take the closest set this time instead of making her way back to the front of the house and the stairs that would take her closer to her bedroom. She climbed the stairs slowly, her heart aching for her daughter-in-law…and her son. Oh it was true, she hadn't been in favor of their marriage but time had settled things and once she had gotten over herself, she had realized that Jimmy and Johanna were meant to be together…and she hoped that after some of this rawness settled that they'd be able to work things out. She didn't have any indication that Johanna wasn't open to that…but Jimmy was going to be pushy just like she had predicted and that was going to slow things down and make him angry. She sighed deeply, what a mess…a mess that wasn't going to be unraveled any time soon, she thought as she reached the top of the steps and began to make her way down the hallway.

Her son stepped out of the guest room, his jaw tight with tension and his keys clutched in his hand. "Jimmy," she said quietly.

He turned in her direction. "I won't be too long…I just need to take that drive and get some beer to bring home."

"I know…be careful…I don't want you to be distracted because you're upset," Elizabeth stated.

"I'll be fine, Mom. I'll be home in a little while."

She reached out and patted his cheek. "Just be patient with her Jimmy. That's all she needs, a little patience while she adjusts."

"And my daughter?" he asked bitterly. "My daughter who wants me to take a DNA test to prove that I'm her father…what am I supposed to do about her?"

"Katie focuses on anger, Jimmy; she finds a weapon she can wield…making you prove without a doubt who you are is a way to hurt you the way you hurt her. She can't force you to do it…but she's not going to give into you easily either. You're going to have to find some way to get through to her…but she might need a cooling off period first…you might need one too."

"Me?!" he exclaimed.

Elizabeth nodded. "It's only been a few days, Jimmy; everything is raw right now…I know it's difficult but try to be a little patient…try a softer approach."

"A softer approach?"

"Yes…you know…like trying to be more understanding instead of yelling at your wife in my driveway."

"I'm sorry about that," Jim replied, squeezing the back of his neck. "I'll try to do better."

Elizabeth nodded. "Try hard," she said as Johanna appeared at the other end of the hallway, carrying the glass of ice water. "I'll probably be asleep before you get back but don't be out all night running around just the same."

"I promise," he said, leaning down and kissing her cheek. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Jimmy," she said as she patted his cheek.

He sighed softly and took her arm, walking with her to the doorway of her room where Johanna was waiting for her. He glanced at his wife, a feeling of remorse rushing through him as he leaned close and kissed her cheek as well. "Goodnight, Jo."

"Goodnight," she murmured as tears stung her eyes. "I'll try to talk to Katie…I can't promise it'll do any good though."

Jim shook his head. "No; leave it between me and her…I don't want her getting mad at you. Just let it be."

"I could try though."

"No," he said firmly.

Johanna nodded and then turned away, disappearing back into his mother's room. "I'll get your nightgown out for you, Liz."

"Go on and do what you need to do, Mom," Jim told her. "I'll be here in the morning."

"Alright, Jimmy," Elizabeth said. "See you in the morning."

He gave her a nod and headed for the stairs. Elizabeth sighed softly and moved into her bedroom here Johanna was taking a nightgown from the drawer for her.

"Don't worry, Johanna; it'll get better," she told her as she accepted the garment and her robe.

"I hope so," she whispered as she heard the front door close downstairs.

"It will," her mother-in-law said with conviction; "And you don't need to be out running around all night either."

"Who says I was going anywhere but home?" Johanna asked.

"Just a feeling," Elizabeth remarked as she made her way to the door to go to the bathroom. "I know you…you've also been known to roam when your mind is troubled."

"Don't worry, I'll be fine," she replied; although she knew that her troubled mind would make for a restless night…but it wouldn't be the first time.

---

Katie was going to kill her for this, Johanna thought as she walked down an aisle of the liquor store with a bottle of wine in her hand but at the moment she wasn't sure she cared…besides, who said that Katie needed to know in the first place? She was a grown woman, she didn't need anyone's permission to buy a bottle of wine…and she didn't need anyone's permission to go home and drink some of it…or all of it…depending on dark her mood turned as the night went on. She blew out a breath; she got tired of worrying about what everyone thought about what she did or said anyway. She'd do what the hell she wanted.

She wasn't paying attention as she stepped out of the aisle, nearly colliding with a man who was coming from the coolers in the back. "Sorry," she began to mutter but the word died on her lips as she looked up and found herself looking at her husband who had a case of beer in his hand. She froze, the sight of him startling her despite the fact that she had just seen him not even a full hour ago. A pang skittered across her heart as she looked into his blue eyes, her feet seemingly stuck to the floor.

Jim breathed deeply. "We meet again," he remarked.

"I didn't follow you," she murmured.

"Believe me, Jo; I wouldn't think for a minute that you would…you didn't even like having dinner with me."

"That's not true," she retorted; her hand tightening around her bottle of wine. "I already told you that."

"I know," he said, shifting his case of beer to his other hand.

She shifted on her feet a little, a lump in her throat. "I'm sorry it was awkward…I didn't do it deliberately. It's just…strange to go from thinking one thing for so long to suddenly having to change that mindset," she remarked quietly; and then fearing that she had offended him once more, she quickly tried to explain. "Not that I don't want to change what I've been thinking the last thirteen years…I do…I never wanted you to be gone…you have to believe that."

Jim nodded; seeing the worry and the regret in her eyes. "I know."

"I'll try to do better next time," she murmured. "I will get better…I promise."

"It's alright, sweetheart," he replied; his tone quiet. "Maybe I didn't do such a good job either."

"You did better than me."

"It's different on my side," he made himself admit before changing the topic; they had done enough battle for the evening. "What are you doing here?"

"Same thing you are," she answered; holding up her bottle of wine. "Looking for something to drown my sorrows in."

He read the label on her bottle. "You usually go for something a little more expensive than this brand."

"I don't feel like paying a fortune to drown my sorrows tonight."

Jim smirked a little. "You used to lecture me for drowning sorrows."

"Only when you did too much of it," Johanna remarked. "But I don't have a right to say anything about it now."

"Why?"

She shrugged. "I guess because I don't feel like much of a wife."

"You are my wife," he stated.

"I know I am…legally…at least I'm pretty sure it's still legal."

"It is…I made sure of that," he assured. "You're my wife."

Johanna nodded. "But it feels like I'm out of practice just the same…so I have no right to comment on your habits."

A small smile tipped the corner of his mouth upwards. "Especially when you're doing the same thing?"

Her gaze met his, a hint of a sheepish look on her face. "I never did like the idea of being a hypocrite."

"I know…and I know you've never been immune to drowning sorrows at times."

"Yeah…but those occasions usually provided you with plenty of embarrassing stories that you never let me live down."

He grinned a little. "Can I help it if I was flattered by your drunken marriage proposal?"

She scoffed. "You could've just forgotten about it."

"If I had done that you might've proposed to someone else the next time your sorrows took a swim," Jim remarked; "And I didn't want to take that risk…I knew too much for you to get rid of."

"Like I ever wanted to," she remarked.

"Oh, you tried a few times," Jim commented, allowing his finger to graze the side of her hand.

"They were hollow attempts at best," she replied, a small smile touching her lips.

"There's that smile," he replied, his tone quiet and warm. "I've missed that."

She didn't know what to say to that; every response she thought of seemed like something he could accuse her of making a dig with even if it wasn't the way she meant it to be. Her gaze lowered as she swallowed hard, trying to keep her emotions under control…trying not to rock the boat since they seemed to be doing better there in the middle of a liquor store aisle than they had been at his mother's home.

"I have missed it," he murmured; his finger grazing her hand once more.

"I missed yours too," she said, pulling her hand away to rake her fingers through her hair nervously.

Jim breathed deeply; despite the argument they'd had just a short while before, he didn't want this moment to end…not when it felt like they were both somewhat calmer. "You know, instead of drowning our sorrows alone…we could pay for our stuff and then walk to the bar down the street and have a drink…together."

She hesitated, thinking about how badly the evening had already been prior to their chance encounter. "I…I don't know, Jim."

He understood her reluctance; he didn't want to add another disaster to their evening but maybe if they limited certain topics it would be okay. "We don't have to talk about tonight," he offered; "Or Katie and her demands."

"Definitely shouldn't talk about that," she agreed.

"We don't have to talk about any of the hard stuff…I think we've had enough of that for one night," Jim told her; hoping to sway her.

Johanna worried her bottom lip. "Just talk about random things?"

He nodded. "And if there are moments when we don't talk at all…that's okay too."

"You won't get mad if I have a moment of awkwardness?"

"No," he promised; "You won't get mad if I say something stupid without meaning to? You know I've had that bad habit for a long time."

She breathed deeply. "I won't get mad."

"Then you'll come? Have a drink…or two…so we don't have to drown our sorrows alone?"

It was against her better judgment but she founded herself nodding. "Okay."

Relief rippled through him, a smile spreading across his lips as he reached for her bottle of wine.

"I still want that," she said, her fingers grasping for the bottle.

"I know…it's my treat," he told her.

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to," he replied. "Let's go."

She followed him to the front of the store; praying that she was doing the right thing in going with him for a drink. They hadn't had an easy evening…their fight in Elizabeth's driveway had left a bitter taste in her mouth. She felt like it wouldn't have happened though if it hadn't been for Katie showing up…maybe it had just been the circumstance…maybe having the drink would show that she was open to working on things with him…that she didn't require the type of proof that their daughter did. She just had to not overthink this…they had agreed to leave the hard stuff on the back burner…if that was possible she didn't know but she was willing to try.

"You ready?" Jim asked as he accepted the bag containing her bottle of wine from the cashier.

His voice startled her from her thoughts and she nodded, taking the bag from his hand. "Yeah; I'm ready," she answered, falling into step beside him.

"Where are you parked?" he asked while pushing open the door for her.

"Right there," Johanna replied; nodding to her red car parked two spots away from the door.

"Lock your wine and purse in the car," he told her. "I'll buy at the bar; just keep your keys and phone on you so you don't have to worry about your purse."

She nodded; slipping her phone from the pocket of her purse and shoving it into the pocket of her jeans before she fished out her keys. He stood by as she unlocked the passenger door, keeping his body between her and the sidewalk so no one could see her slipping her handbag under the passenger seat. It was something he had always done; making sure her belongings were locked safely away so she could enjoy a drink with him without worry about misplacing something or losing it. It felt so natural and yet that hint of strangeness remained as well, she thought as she put the bottle of wine on the floor of the car and then locked the door before turning to Jim. "Where is your car?"

"Right there," he said, nodding to a car two spaces up. "Let me put the beer in the trunk and then we'll go."

She followed after him, waiting patiently as he unlocked his trunk and put the case of beer in. "No Camaro, huh?" she commented, looking at the tan colored Nissan with Virginia plates that he drove.

"No," he said, closing the trunk. "I hate this car."

"Why?"

"It's not me," he stated as he met her eye.

She held his gaze. "No…it doesn't seem like you…especially the color…it's all wrong."

"I know…that's why I hate it. As soon as things are more settled, I'm going to get rid of it and get something else."

"Something blue?" she asked as they began to walk down the sidewalk in the direction of the bar.

"Yeah…I think I need something blue. I see you finally got your red car you always wanted."

Johanna nodded. "For a long time, every time I'd get in it I'd think about how much you'd hate it…and how you told me I'd get pulled over more if I had a red car."

"Have you been pulled over more?"

"No, so either you lied or I don't speed as much as I used to."

"Your speeding did ease up over the years but I didn't want a red car to tempt you back to your lead foot ways," Jim replied. "But I don't hate your car…it's a nice looking car…it's you."

"I wanted a Mustang."

"Maybe we'll get you one some day," he remarked; "Maybe when I go looking for something more suitable, you can come along and find your Mustang."

"I had found a red Mustang but Katie said I was tool old for it."

"You're nowhere near old…and you damn sure aren't too old for a Mustang; you should've slapped her and bought it anyway."

"I thought about it…but it didn't seem worth listening to her bitch about it."

"Well if you want one; I say get it…who cares what she thinks?"

"I guess sometimes I care more than I should," Johanna remarked; "But we said we weren't going to talk about Katie and I brought her up."

"It's alright…it's hard not to…she is our daughter."

She nodded. "Maybe I'll get the Mustang one day."

Silence fell between them as he opened the door of the bar; the sounds of a seventies cover band spilling out into the night air. She followed him inside and to a corner of the bar where they'd be away from the crowd. Katie wouldn't like her being in a bar, she thought to herself as she slid onto the barstool…but what Katie didn't know wouldn't hurt her she figured; besides, she knew her limits.

"What do you want to drink, sweetheart?" Jim asked.

"A margarita will be fine," she replied.

"I should've guessed that," he remarked with a small smile before he caught the bartender's attention and ordered her margarita and his glass of scotch.

Silence fell between them as the bartender made their drinks and even after he had placed them in front of them, the silence remained. Johanna took a breath as she picked up her drink and took a sip. She really didn't need to be nervous…it was Jim…he was her husband; yes, it was a little awkward given how much time they had been apart but she didn't need to be nervous…and yet she was anyway.

"It's Eagles Tribute Night," a member of the cover band announced from the front of the room, making Jim glance at his wife.

"I guess I picked the right bar," he commented; "Or the right night to ask you to have a drink with me."

She nodded. "Yeah, I guess so."

Jim shifted in his seat a little. "I didn't plan it."

Johanna met his eye. "I know that…how could you plan it? You didn't know we were going to run into each other."

"No, I didn't know," he agreed as the band launched into their cover of Take It Easy. "I figured you'd be home…doing whatever it is you do now when you get home."

"Mostly the same things I've always done," she replied. "Except when I don't have any work to tend to, I usually just stay upstairs for the evening and watch TV up there instead of the living room."

"How come?" he asked.

She shrugged. "I don't know…I guess sometimes it just makes it easier."

"Easier?" Jim repeated.

"It's hard to explain," she murmured. "And it doesn't make much sense anyway."

"Try anyway."

Johanna sighed and took a little sip of her drink. "I can go in the bedroom and close the door and then the house doesn't seem so big and empty."

His gut tightened and he wished he hadn't asked. "I…I get that."

"Do you?"

"Yeah…but even small spaces feel empty when you're used to someone being there," Jim remarked. "My apartment has always felt empty without you."

"Even though I've never been there?" she asked.

"Yeah."

Silence fell over them like a heavy blanket, both of them unsure of what to say in regard to the topic that they hadn't meant to step into. "I didn't mean to turn depressing," Johanna finally said softly.

"It's alright; that's what happens when you have sorrows to drown."

"I guess I'm not a very good date anymore…I'm out of practice at that too," Johanna stated as she stared into her glass.

"Are we on a date?" Jim asked, a slight bite in his tone. "Because I thought it was just a mutual drowning of sorrows."

Her cheeks burned with shame for classifying the outing as a date when it clearly wasn't one…and he clearly didn't want it to be seen as one. "Sorry," she murmured; taking another sip of her drink. "I didn't mean to classify it as something it isn't. I should probably go," she said, feeling even more uncomfortable now that she had said the wrong thing.

"No," Jim said with a shake of his head, his hand landing on her thigh to keep her in place without thought. "Don't go…I didn't mean to sound like a jerk."

"You didn't," Johanna replied although his tone had wounded her a little. "I don't know why I said it…it was stupid, I'm sorry."

She hadn't shaken off his hand yet so he allowed it to rub against her thigh for a moment. "It wasn't stupid…it's just that I'd give you something better for a date…and I'd hope it wouldn't be on an evening where we'd already had an argument," he told her. "I just didn't want you to feel pressured by putting a label on it."

Johanna felt like crying; her emotions all jumbled and his hand on her leg branding her and yet she hadn't brought herself to pull away just yet. Why did this have to be so hard?

"Let's just forget about figuring out what to call tonight," Jim suggested. "It doesn't really need a label, does it? All that matters to me is that you're here."

"No, it doesn't need a label," she agreed as his hand finally slipped away from her leg; a part of her wishing it hadn't…a bigger part of her wishing she could just bury herself in his arms and cry it out like she always had before. "I just feel like I keep making a mess of things tonight."

"You're fine," he stated; "I think it's me."

"Maybe it's both of us."

Jim nodded. "That could be true."

A tense silence fell over them once more as they sipped their drinks; his heart aching as he caught the glimpses of anguish on her features. She was trying…he couldn't say that she wasn't; she didn't have to come with him…but she had. "Is Sharon still annoying you?" he asked; grasping for a topic that wouldn't get them into trouble. "I know you weren't too happy with her when she called the other morning."

"Sharon annoys me every day of my life," Johanna muttered.

"Worse than usual?"

"Yes," she admitted.

"Why don't you tell her off like you always did?" he asked.

"Doesn't seem to have the same effect that it used to," she replied. "She thinks my brain doesn't function anymore since you…" she trailed off.

He winced a little. "She should know you better than that."

Johanna scoffed. "I think that about a lot of people…with the exception of a few; I don't feel like anyone treats me the way they used to."

"Why do you let them get away with it?" he asked. "With the exception of your father, you usually didn't let people push you too far without coming out swinging."

She traced the rim of her glass. "I didn't have any desire to fight for myself once you were gone," she admitted quietly. "I didn't want to fight anything…didn't want to do anything…I just wanted to wake up and find my life back to the way it used to be."

Jim breathed deeply; it was hard to hear…and a part of him didn't want to hear it because he knew he was to blame for the way things were. "I understand you feeling that way at first…but after some time had passed…"

Johanna shook her head. "The feeling never got better. I only went back to work because I had Katie's tuition to pay."

"You would've gotten bored if you hadn't."

Johanna scoffed. "Even with work I'm bored."

"Why?"

She gave a short laugh as she gave him an incredulous look. "Because you're not there! You were a constant in my life for over two decades, Jim; and then in an instant you were gone and there's this huge whole in my life and in my heart. Life is very dull and lonely without you."

"Do you think mine isn't the same way without you?" he asked tartly.

"I don't know…is it?" she asked; "The few times I've attempted to ask you about your life you've acted like I was committing a crime."

"I have not."

"Yes, you have. Like when I asked what you did in Virginia and you made the smart ass comment about being a hit man for the mob."

"I was frustrated," he retorted.

"Do you think I'm not? Do you think I don't have questions? Because I do, I'm just afraid to say anything because you get offended, so no, I don't really know about your life."

Jim blew out a breath. "There isn't much to tell about it. I haven't had a life for thirteen years."

"I'm sure you probably made a friend or two," she commented.

"And you think that takes your place? Or is that your way of asking if I've gone out with other women?"

"I thought we already covered that when you told me you didn't have another wife stashed away."

"We covered wives; you haven't gotten around to random women yet."

Johanna's brow rose, her stomach tightening as jealousy flared to life in her veins. "You know, you're the one who has brought up the topic both times it's been mentioned…do you have a confession to make? Because you're awful defensive about something I didn't even bring up."

"No, I don't have a confession to make," he said bitterly. "Do you?"

Her eyes widened. "Me!?"

"Yeah, you…you've been single all this time…you're a beautiful woman; warm and loving; smart and fun…I'm sure you don't lack for attention or invitations," he stated; thinking about the pictures of her and Jeff on Facebook.

"Don't be an ass," she retorted. "I've never once considered myself single. Do you not see your ring still on my finger?" she asked, raising her hand and wiggling her ring finger at him so he could see her engagement ring and wedding band. "I assure you it's been on my finger every single day just like always…it was on my finger when you walked into that conference room at the precinct."

He took a long sip of his drink, finishing it and signaling the bartender for another one. "I know it was on your finger…but that doesn't mean…"

Fire flashed in her eyes. "It means I'm a married woman and have been for nearly thirty-five years; your absence didn't change that for me. As for you, since you keep bringing it up; I don't want to know if there's been someone else while you were in Virginia…so if there was, just let me live in ignorant bliss, okay? Because I don't want to live with the thought of you being with another woman when you knew damn well that you were still married to me…because I don't care what I was told and I don't care if you thought you'd never see me again…you're still mine and I don't want to think that I had to share you with someone else even if it was some one night stand. So don't tell me…I don't want to know."

Jim stared at her hand as it laid on the bar, his finger reaching out and grazing against her wedding rings. "I didn't like having to hand over my wedding ring," he said quietly; "They made me give them everything though so it could be staged right…I didn't like taking it off, Jo."

She took a sip of her drink, hoping it would help her swallow the lump in her throat. "I didn't like you being without it either…all this time I thought I had…"

"It's okay, you can say it," he told her, his tone gentle despite the pain in his on heart.

"All this time I've hated knowing that I had to bury you without it…I was thinking about that just last week; about how I didn't get your belongings back until it was too late and that you would've wanted it with you," she said, tears clogging her voice.

"Even if I had been really gone," Jim said slowly; "I wouldn't have blamed you; it wouldn't have been your fault that I didn't have it. I would've understood."

She swiped away a stray tear. "I have it though," she murmured.

"Do you?"

Johanna nodded. "I have it…it's in my jewelry box. I have your ring and your keys, your watch now that Katie has taken it off and threw it on the table in anger. I have your wallet…your money and pictures and credit cards are all still in it."

"Why didn't you take the money out and use it, Jo?" he asked quietly.

"It was bad enough having to divide up your bank accounts…I didn't want to do that but I had to give Katie her share. I still have my half of your money from your individual accounts though; I have it a separate account. I can turn that over to you as soon as you want."

Jim shook his head. "No; that's yours…it had to be done, Jo. Why didn't you use it for Katie's schooling or for yourself?"

"I was saving it for any grandchildren we might have…so they'd have something from you one day."

He gave her a sad smile. "I appreciate that…and I think it's a nice thing to have so let's just keep it there for Katie's kids one day, okay?"

She gave a nod. "I keep telling her to give me a grandchild but she hasn't gotten with the program yet."

"You're not turning into your mother are you?" he asked lightly.

She smiled a little. "I hope not; that's a sure sign of getting old."

Jim shook his head. "You're not old…we're still lucky enough to be classified as middle aged."

"Yeah, but we're getting to the deep end of that scale, honey," she said, throwing out her usual endearment for him without thought.

His heart skipped, it had been a long time since she had called him 'honey' and he knew he couldn't mention it or it might scare her off. "Age is just a number; especially for you…you don't look your age…unlike me."

"Oh stop it, you're still as handsome as you always have been…you know that men are lucky enough to look distinguished as they get older."

"You think this grey hair is distinguished looking?"

She smiled. "On you and Richard Gere, yes."

"Richard Gere," Jim laughed. "Like I can really compete with him."

"In my eyes you've always won that competition," she replied.

"That's sweet of you to say."

"It's true."

"No, sweetheart; you're the one with the looks in this marriage. You're still my gorgeous girl."

Johanna scoffed. "You won't think that once you see me with reading glasses on my face."

He shook his head. "No pair of glasses can mar your beauty."

"Trust me, it's hideous…I look like a librarian; I don't think you're going to find that attractive."

"On the contrary; I think you'd be a very sexy librarian," he said with a grin.

She laughed and his heart warmed; he had missed that sound and that sparkle in her eyes. A spark of desire rushed through him and he had to force himself not to reach for her; had to fight the longing to kiss her and assure her that she'd always be beautiful in his eyes.

"You haven't moved on from nurse fantasies to librarian fantasies, have you?" she asked; a teasing note in her tone.

"I'm open to whichever one you want to play," he replied. "Just say the word."

She smirked at him. "I wouldn't dress up as a nurse for you thirty years ago; I'm not doing it now."

"Okay so we'll go with the librarian…go ahead, punish me for late fees," he quipped.

"I think you'd like that too much," she laughed.

He grinned. "Oh I'd definitely enjoy it…but my favorite has always been the sexy lawyer….because there's nothing better than when you're yourself."

A blush touched her cheeks and she dipped her head as she reached for her glass, wondering if they should really be having this line of conversation…but then again, it was only more proof that he really was her husband.

"It's cute that you still blush," he murmured.

She glanced at him. "You think so?"

He nodded. "I've always thought it was cute…I've missed seeing you blush…I missed your laugh and your smile…everything about you."

Johanna breathed deeply. "I missed everything about you too," she said quietly.

Jim reached out and brushed a lock of hair back from her face, causing her to tense a little but she did her best to shake off the feeling but she knew she had failed when he pulled back with a deep sigh.

It grew quiet once more and Johanna finished her drink as she tried to find something to say that wouldn't start an argument or offend him. It never used to be this hard…and she wondered if it would ever get easier. She didn't like the way things were anymore than he did…she wished things could be the way they had been in her dreams of a second chance; that she could just throw herself into his arms and forget it all happened, snap her fingers and pick up where they left off…but it wasn't that easy. She didn't want him to think there wasn't any hope though…she didn't want him to give up on her, especially when it had only been a few days.

"Do you want another drink?" Jim asked gruffly, breaking into her thoughts.

She probably shouldn't have another one but she nodded anyway. "Yeah; I wouldn't mind another one."

He gave a nod and ordered her another drink; that oppressive air of silence falling over them again. As her drink was placed in front of her, the music changed, the softer melody of Take It to the Limit echoing through the bar. Jim glanced at his wife, watching as her eyes closed, her fingers tightening around her glass.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked; wondering if the same memory was running through her mind that filled his every time he heard this song.

"I'm thinking about a picnic in Maryland," Johanna murmured. "Me and you…and how you made those two weeks some of the best moments of my life."

"They're some of my best moments too," he told her; "Some of my most favorite memories."

"I never wanted that trip to end," she remarked; the song and the memories it elicited filling her with longing.

"Maybe we can take another road trip one day."

"Maybe," she whispered.

Jim sighed a little; wishing they'd quit falling into these moments of awkwardness. The silence lingered through two more songs as they nursed their drinks but then the band announced another number for their Eagles tribute and Johanna smiled as the beat of One of These Nights filled the bar. It was one of her favorites, it always had been…and she had a few fond memories attached to it as well, she recalled as she glanced at her husband.

"Do you still think about me when you hear this song?" Johanna asked, her foot tapping to the beat as she kept her gaze on her husband.

Jim swallowed a sip of his scotch, his eyes meeting hers. "I could have amnesia and I'd still think of you when I heard this song."

A coy smile touched her lips. "You think so?"

"I'm not liable to ever forget it," he said with a grin. "I mean a man never does forget the moment his fiancée gives him a strip show."

Her smile widened. "Well you had been deprived of a stripper at your bachelor party and said you'd rather see me."

"Oh it was definitely a better show," he said with a nod. "I loved it."

"You only let me get half way through."

"You're lucky I waited that long to grab you," he remarked. "I got you out of the rest of your clothes a lot faster."

She gave a short laugh. "Yeah, I know…the song wasn't even over."

"No," he said with a grin; "But we did play it half the night."

She took a drink of her margarita. "It was a good night."

"One of the best," Jim agreed, his hand curling around hers as it rested on the bar.

Johanna squeezed his hand for a moment, intimate memories flicking through their minds. She exhaled a trembling breath, wanting things she couldn't have right now as she slowly pulled her hand away from his, allowing her fingertips to caress his knuckles as she did so, hoping to soften the loss of contact.

As her hand slipped away from his, frustration filled Jim and before he could stop himself, he lashed out. "How long is it going to be like this, Johanna?" he asked sharply. "How long are you going to act like it's a sin to touch you?"

She gave him a startled look. "What?"

"You heard me. When are you going to stop pulling away from me like I'm someone you don't trust? When am I going to be allowed to touch my wife without her acting like I'm doing something wrong?"

"You've touched me several times tonight," she shot back.

"And you've pulled away or tensed up like I was some creep you didn't know instead of your husband…you used to like me to touch you," he retorted.

"Yeah, I've spent thirteen years missing your touch," she said, her tone low and angry; "And now all of a sudden you're back and I'm not used to being touched anymore…do you think I don't want it? I do…I'm just not used to it and part of me is afraid…"

"Afraid of what?" he said angrily; "What do you think I'm going to do to you?"

"Nothing," she exclaimed; "I know you'd never hurt me like that."

"Then what is it?"

She took another long sip of her drink. "I'm afraid that I'm going to wake up at any minute and find this all to be a dream and you're really gone. I know it sounds stupid…I know it doesn't make sense to pull away from something I've wanted for so long…but I'm afraid…afraid I'll go rushing headlong into this and you'll disappear again and I wouldn't be able to bear it."

"I'm not going anywhere," he said angrily.

"You have to give me time to believe that," Johanna said sharply. "It's not that I don't want your affection…it's not that I don't want to bury myself in your arms and never let go…it's just that I need time to believe that this is real…I'm not trying to hurt you."

"Are you sure about that?" Jim asked. "I hurt you…maybe you're trying to even up the score."

"No, I'm not!" she exclaimed. "I don't want to hurt you…we have enough hurt to deal with. I'm doing the best I can."

He blew out a breath and took a drink of his scotch. "We said we weren't going to discuss the hard stuff anyway," he said gruffly.

"It seems hard to avoid sometimes."

"Then maybe we should just be quiet for awhile," he remarked.

Johanna nodded, her gaze dropping to her glass. She didn't want to fight…she didn't want to feel so out of sorts…she didn't want him to think that she didn't want him. Her gaze moved to his hand as it rested on the bar and she studied it, remembering how strong his hands were…their warmth against her skin; the gentle way they wiped away tears…the tenderness they could hold when making love…the passion and fire they could evoke. She had always loved his hands…loved everything about him really. Her gaze drifted to his face, studying the line of his jaw that was tight with tension, her fingers itching to reach out and sooth away the stress that lingered there…to caress his face; bury her fingers in his hair…lay her head against his chest and listen to his heart beat. She breathed deeply; her gaze still upon him, drinking in the sight of him."

"You're doing it again," Jim snapped at her.

"What?" she asked, flinching at the sudden sound of his tone.

"Staring at me," he stated. "I wish you wouldn't do that; it unnerves me."

"Why?"

"Because it's weird," he told her. "You never did it before."

"I told you why I find myself doing it," she shot back; "It's been a long time, I'm looking at you because I haven't had the chance to do it for a long time. I'm proving to my brain that you're real and that I'm not having a psychotic break. I'm sorry it offends you."

"Just…try not to do it so much," Jim muttered. "I don't like it."

She sighed deeply and looked away from him; wishing there was something she could do to make them both feel better. The opening strains of I Can't Tell You Why began to waft on the air and Johanna couldn't think of a more fitting song for the state of her life at the moment. Longing swept through her once more as she glanced at Jim on the barstool next to her, making sure not to stare since it bothered him. The words formed on her tongue and she forced herself not to swallow them although she wasn't sure if it was a good idea or not. "Will you dance with me?" she asked softly.

Jim took a swallow of his drink as he glanced at her. "Are you sure you'd want that? I'd have to touch you after all," he said, a hint of bitterness in his voice.

"I wouldn't ask if I wasn't sure," she replied; "So are you going to dance with me or not?"

Frustration almost made him say no…and yet he swallowed back the word and rose from his seat; how could he say no when she was offering a few moments of closeness? It was better than nothing…and at the moment it could be everything. He reached for her hand, relief swimming through him when she allowed her fingers to curl around his as he led her to the floor. He pulled her close, breathing deeply, taking in the scent of her strawberry soap and her light floral perfume as they began to sway slowly to the music; his heart beating a little faster as his eyes closed. It had been so long since he'd held her close and danced to her favorite band. It had been so long since she had been willingly held by him. It wasn't nearly enough…he needed more and yet he knew he couldn't have more at the moment. Her hand slipped from his and his stomach tightened as his eyes snapped open, fearing she had changed her mind as he meet her gaze. Her arms slipped around him, bringing her closer as her eyes closed.

Her heart pounded and she wasn't quite sure what she was doing…if she should be giving in to the need to touch him…to breathe in his scent. It was probably wrong but at the moment she couldn't stop herself and she wasn't sure if it was because of the drinks they'd had or because she was desperate to be near him despite her hurt and anger. Her hand moved against his shoulder, slowly and softly before sliding down his chest a little out of reflex. She probably shouldn't be doing this; she reminded herself, her fingertips still gliding against the soft material of his shirt, making her recall all the times her hands had glided over him; her fingertips memorizing all the lines and planes of his body. She breathed in the scent of his cologne; allowing it and his own natural scent to saturate her senses. He still smelled the same…his arms still felt strong and warm around her; his chest solid and familiar beneath her fingertips. A trembling breath slipped across her lips; her opposite hand moving, allowing her fingers to drift into the hair at the nape of his neck. She shouldn't be doing this; her brain kept screaming at her to stop this…that it was too soon to be giving into the need to touch and revel…but for the first time in thirteen years she felt a spark of what life had been…that spark between them as he lowered his head and nuzzled her hair, his lips brushing softly against her ear.

Jim kept waiting for the moment when she'd realize what she was doing and pull away; leaving him bereft of all the things he'd been wanting for so long. He breathed deeply; his fingers caressing the small of her back for a moment before he allowed them to move; fearing that every touch might be the one to wake her from the haze and send her running. But she remained in the circle of his arms even as his lips grazed over her ear. He swallowed hard, praying the band would play another slow song so he could continue to hold on to her as her fingertips slipped through the hair at the nape of his neck once more. But then again, maybe he should pray for something louder…every touch and every breath that landed against his skin only served to warm his blood, making him want things he couldn't have right now. He wasn't even sure what had made her allow this much.

The notes of the song began to fade away and his hand curled into her waist, not wanting to let go and she made no move to release him either. He allowed his forehead to come to rest against hers, the music changing; the familiar notes sending a pang through his heart.

Johanna's eyes opened as Best of My Love began to play; making her lift her head, her gaze meeting her husband's. Her heart throbbed with the memory of their song…of longing and need; hurt and loneliness. His eyes remained locked on hers, as if he was holding his breath, waiting for her to wound him but she couldn't…it was their song…the last time she had heard it she had been alone…and now he was there just like it always had been. "It always finds us," she murmured; allowing the music to wash over her as his arms tightened around her.

"It does," Jim agreed quietly. "I guess some things never change."

"I don't ever want anything about this song to change," she said softly; her eyes closing; a hundred different memories concerning their song flicked through her mind. "No matter the bad things…this is always ours…no one can take this from us."

A flicker of hope and warmth spread across his heart and before Jim could stop himself, he dipped his head and caught her lips in a soft kiss, observing the tradition of always kissing her when their song played. The gesture startled her, making her eyes open but she didn't pull away; her hand moving without thought to cup his jaw as he gave into the need to kiss her again, this time capturing her lips more fully; deepening the kiss…need rushing through him as the spark between them reignited.

She really shouldn't be doing this, Johanna thought to herself as she accepted her husband's kiss. It had only been a few days and they still hadn't even really had an in depth conversation void of argument and yet she was allowing him to kiss her…and God did it feel good, she thought to herself. She had missed this…she needed this…despite it all she needed this whether it was wrong or right. His lips lifted away from hers and before she could think about what she was doing, she drew him back for another kiss; her mind in turmoil as her heart warmed, feeling alive for the first time in over a decade.

Johanna poured all of herself into the kiss, drawing him back for another when it ended and allowing him to pull her back for another after that until finally she lost track of who initiated each kiss and allowed herself to drown in them, reveling in the familiar taste of his kiss, the feel of his lips and the way he could make her feel so much. Her body settled against his; her heart reminding her how starved she had been for his kiss and his touch as she caressed the line of his jaw.

He didn't want this to end, Jim thought to himself, allowing himself to capture her lips in yet another kiss as the atmosphere smoldered around them. This was what he had been wanting…just to be with her, to touch, to kiss, to be as they used to be; feeling the love and passion she poured into every kiss just as it used to be. But then his traitorous mind butted in, reminding him that she had claimed to need time…that just a few hours ago they had been at each other's throats in his mother's driveway…that she was vulnerable and lonely…the traces of alcohol he could taste in her kiss. He was taking advantage of her and he couldn't do that. What was wrong with him? What was wrong with both of them if she was allowing him to do it when she had been so adamant about not being touched in the first place? Frustration flickered in his blood once more along with self loathing. Why couldn't anything ever be simple?

Jim pulled away from her, hating himself even more as he did so…because it was the last thing he wanted but he knew if he didn't it would only make things worse in the long run. She'd accuse him of rushing her, of denying her the time she claimed to need…and maybe he needed a little time too. Everything suddenly felt jumbled and he didn't know what to do or how to feel…and the longer he held her close and indulged in her kisses, the more he wanted her…and he knew better than to push that line with her tonight, especially when she had been drinking; when she was vulnerable. They couldn't do this…not with things so unsteady…not when they both felt so unsure about everything.

"Jim?" she murmured, her lips brushing across his once more.

"We should go," he said, his tone low and gruff.

"Go where?" Johanna whispered; still wrapped in a haze of memories and longing; a part of her willing to go wherever he wanted.

He stepped back from her, forcing her to release him. "You should call someone to take you home," he told her.

Johanna shook her head; startled by the sudden turn of events. "Why? I'm not drunk."

"Then you should go home," he remarked, taking hold of her elbow and leading her back to the bar where he picked up her keys and shoved them into her hand. "You locked your purse in the car; do you have your phone?"

She touched her pocket, making sure her phone was there. "I have it, but…"

"Then you should go," Jim insisted.

"Why?" she asked. "What about you?"

"I'm going too," he said, grabbing his keys from the bar. "I'm going for a drive."

"You told your mother you wouldn't be gone long."

"I'm sure she's asleep by now," he stated as he laid some money on the bar. "Go home, Johanna."

"Jim."

"Goodnight," he said, turning and walking away, leaving her behind despite his heart begging him not to go.

Johanna watched him go, feeling her heart shatter. This was why she had been wrong to go with him tonight…wrong to give into her heart and allow his touch and his kiss. Somewhere inside she had known that she'd only end up hurt in the end. Her eyes filled with tears; the thought flicking through her mind that maybe he suddenly realized that she wasn't what he wanted anymore after all. It had been thirteen years…maybe he didn't feel that spark like she did…like maybe he had fooled himself into thinking he did when he had kissed her. Why else would he walk out on her when she had given him what he wanted? Maybe getting it made him realize it wasn't what he wanted anymore. She was so stupid…so completely stupid, she thought to herself as she headed for the door, slipping out into the warm evening air. She quickly made her way down the street, feeling insecure without her purse and the gun tucked inside it but she made it to her car without incident and she hurriedly unlocked the door and got inside, locking it once more before pulling her purse out from under the passenger seat. Her phone chimed and she pulled it from her pocket, seeing the new text from Jeff. "Did everything go okay?"

Johanna put the key in the ignition as the tears broke free and spilled down her cheeks. "I fucked it up as usual," she wrote back before laying the phone on the seat and leaning her forehead against the steering wheel. The phone chimed again but she didn't pick it up; allowing the sobs to wrack her body as her hands gripped the wheel. She had given in against her better judgment and now she was being burned for it…just like Katie had warned her…just like her own brain had warned her. But she had listened to her foolish heart…and now she saw where that got her.