Author's Note: Hello all, it has been a very long time! In the future I hope that I never go two whole years without posting an update again. While I wish I had a better excuse for this, I've had the worst case of Writer's block the past few years. I've known for a long time where I want this story to end up, and how I want to get there, but every time I tried to put pen to paper for the past few years I could not seem to get anything to come out right. As a result I ended up shelving this story for awhile with the hope that I would be able to come back to it again sometime soon. The past few years have been a bit crazy for me, with work and grad school and the pandemic I'm afraid I pushed myself a little bit too hard. I suffered some depression and as a result when I wasn't working or in school I became something of a hermit.
About seven months ago I made a big change in my life. I accepted a new teaching job and moved from the United States to Germany for work. It's been a bit of an adjustment, and it has taken quite awhile to get settled in, but I am finally beginning to feel like I am at home again. The new job has been different in so many ways, but one of the nicest changes has been the fact that instead of working two or three jobs now I only work one. As much as I loved working at the library nearly five years of working a six day week, and picking up shifts after my school days finished up were really beginning to take their toll on me.
Inspiration can come from the strangest of places though, and one day this past week out of nowhere I decided to pick this story back up again. While I was going through my files I found an outline that I had started to put together years ago and from there I opened a new document and started to write. For the first time in a long time the words began to flow once again. I'm hoping that this momentum will continue and that I can at least offer (semi)regular updates if not regular ones.
Thank you so much to everyone who has followed this story since I first posted it, and to those of you who are new to it. I greatly appreciate all of the time and energy, and all of the lovely messages and reviews I have received from you. It really makes my day to read them. I hope you enjoy this new chapter.
"It was the beginning of December and Severus was on his way into Hogsmeade to acquire some supplies and meet up with Minerva. After the first Quidditch match she had been quite enthusiastic about spending some time with him and discussing the sport more. They had originally planned this outing for much earlier, but Severus found that he had had to postpone it a few times. Lily's death had been quite hard on him, and there were still times in which grief would hit him rather unexpectedly. Indeed being at Hogwarts in many ways made things more difficult for him as he had many memories of her here.
There were days when he barely felt that he had the energy to get out of bed and teach his classes let alone do anything else. If that was not difficult enough, even his own classroom often served as a reminder of Lily. As he looked out at his students he sometimes saw glimpses of himself and Lily as children, working at these same stations, creating potions together. She had shared his love of the subject and understood his interest in it as nobody else had. They had also both been members of the Slug Club and as such had spent many an evening in the potions classroom or the office themselves. While the society had not always been his preference having Lily there had made the evenings tolerable.
Yet now she was gone. Gone because of his utter stupidity and his desire to prove himself. Gone because he had devoted a good portion of his life to the wrong cause. His own hubris had caused him to lose his dearest friend in the world. He deserved to be in Azkaban right now, right alongside Sirius Black. The man he despised nearly as much as he despised himself. Black may have betrayed the Potters to Voldemort, but Severus had been the one who had shared the prophesy in the first place. Perhaps Dumbledore had been too generous in accepting him as a teacher at Hogwarts and securing his freedom.
As he walked down the path to Hogsmeade however he tried to focus on the present and rid his mind of these thoughts. Today it would not do to dwell on events that had already transpired. There was no way that he could change what had happened in the past. The timeline was set and there was nothing that he or anybody else could do to alter things. The best that he could do would be to try and pick up the pieces of his life and do everything that he could to right the wrongs of his past. While his earlier life decisions had not been the best, it did not follow that they should determine the entire course of his life.
Over the past week or so the air had turned colder and it had become apparent that winter was well on its way. Severus looked forward to the change in the season, as it would mean a new start. If nothing else the cold would at least serve as a distraction. As he approached the village he found that many of the villagers had already begun to put up decorations for the upcoming Christmas season. It was a refreshing sight, the last few years had been dark in so many different ways. Not many of their kind had felt up to celebrating the holiday in the traditional ways.
Today would be a good day. At least it would be a better day than he had had in a long time. He promised himself that, if not for his own sake, then for Minerva's. This was something that she was looking forward to and he did not want to let her down. She had borne his behavior over the last several months with the patience of a saint and he could not be more grateful to her for her friendship. Causing her pain or unhappiness would be the last thing that he would ever want to do. He could not quite put his finger on it, but there was something about her that was different from everyone else. A certain quality about her that made him care deeply about her safety and well being, that gave him a strong desire to both protect her (though he knew just how capable a witch she was!) and to make her smile. It puzzled him exceedingly.
Soon enough he had made it into the village and found himself in a swirl of activity. There was much going on as villagers and shopkeepers alike decorated the town. There was far more merriment than he had seen in years, it was enough to even get him into the Christmas spirit. His primary objective in town was to get to the apothecary to purchase some potions ingredients, however he soon found himself somewhat lost in the displays in all of the shop windows. So much of his life had been spent in a utilitarian manner that he did not often think of getting things that would be nice, only those that would be necessary. Perhaps he could use a new quill pen and pot of ink?
Shaking his head just a bit he regained his focus. Potions ingredients were his first priority, once he had taken care of those then he could see about the new quill. After all Pippin's had their freshest stock in the mornings, and if you wanted specific items you had to get there early. He was not sure quite what to expect upon entering the shop. It had been years since he had last been here. His last visit had not ended on the most pleasant of notes, and he would quite honestly be surprised if the proprietor of the store would even be willing to grant him entry. For a moment he stood outside the door collecting his thoughts and gathering his courage before opening up the door.
"Ah, Severus, it has been quite some time since I have seen you." Edgar Pippin greeted him as he walked into the store. "I was beginning to think that you no longer had any interest in my wares. When I heard that you had taken up Slughorn's old post at Hogwarts I was incredibly excited, but you never came down to visit me."
"Edgar." Severus replied shaking the other man's hand. "I am afraid that things have been rather busy of late. In all honesty this is the first time I have left school grounds in quite some time. You know how it is."
"Indeed I do." the older man replied. "What with everything that has happened in the past few weeks and months, on top of all of the normal business of a school term I can only imagine that you have been swamped. Still, that is no reason to neglect your art or your friends. Tell me, are you here for school business, or your own personal projects?"
"Primarily school, however now that you mention it, it has been quite some time since I have brewed anything for myself." Severus said rubbing the back of his head a bit self-consciously.
"My good man, we cannot have that." Edgar said shaking his head. "Not with a talent like yours. I remember all of the potions you would brew and invent during your school days at Hogwarts. All of the time we spent here working together in my shop. No, it would be a travesty for you not to practice your craft."
"Of late, I will admit that my time has been otherwise occupied. Perhaps though a return to brewing would be beneficial." Severus said at last.
"Nothing soothes the soul like brewing potions. My family has always said that. The more you allow yourself to create the more free you will feel." Edgar said. "Now, let me fill the standing order for the school, and then we will get on to your ingredients."
A few minutes later Severus had several parcels for the school in his basket. The majority of them from standing orders, but some additional ingredients that he believed would be beneficial to the students as well. Being that it looked like his tenure at Hogwarts might actually last for some time, he now hoped that he could make some of his own changes to the curriculum and deviate from what his predecessor had done in the past. Slughorn had been a good professor, but in his later years at the school had grown somewhat lax in his expectations. These ingredients would be the start of those changes.
"I am interested to see how those students of your will turn out." Edgar said once he had wrapped up the last of the Hogwarts parcels. "It seems to me that we will be seeing many great things from them."
"I appreciate the vote of confidence. We will see how things go. Raising the standard is an important first step."/p
"Indeed, and I can already see that is what you are doing." Edgar said. "Now, let us look at some of my more interesting ingredients, shall we? I have some rather special things that I have been putting aside for you." There was a twinkle in the older man's eyes now, reminiscent of the one he had often seen in the Headmaster's.
"Would that not be unfair to the other customers? Surely they could use them as well." Severus asked after a moment. Although, secretly he was glad to have first pick of prime ingredients.
"They would not know what to do with them anyway. These are for the more discerning clients. You could accomplish great things with these. Now come, let us have a look." Edgar said, gesturing for Severus to follow him behind the counter and into the backroom.
It had been an age since he had been back here. Not since his days at Hogwarts at the very least. While Pippin's was known far and wide for their excellent ingredients, their flagship store in Hogsmeade also housed quite the impressive workspace and laboratory. The Pippin family had long been known for their innovations in potion making and for the creation of several new recipes through the years. This space was where all of the magic took place.
While his classroom and own personal workspace at Hogwarts were excellent, they were nothing compared to this space. This place was a paradise for any potions master, and only a select few from outside of the Pippin family were ever granted access to the space.
He had first been invited here during his third year at Hogwarts. While all of his other classmates had come to Hogsmeade in search of sweets and pranks his interests had been elsewhere. Since he had been a young boy he had dreamed of visiting the famed shop and experiencing it for himself. Lily had been planning on coming along with him, however a nasty cold had her laid up in the hospital wing of the school. He had offered to stay with her and forfeit the trip altogether, but she had insisted that he go. She knew how much he had been looking forward to the trip and she wanted him to experience it. "Go Severus, experience it for both of us, and then come back and tell me all about it. I want to know everything!"
He had done just that. Walking into the shop for the very first time he immediately felt all of the awe that he had imagined. It was even better than he had ever thought that it could be. Scores of different ingredients lined the shop walls and the counter also had several different displays. While other customers were waited on he found himself roaming the store, examining every ingredient, and reading all of the descriptions. Knowing this place was here he couldn't even begin to imagine all of the possibilities for new creations.
"May I be of service to you?" The young man at the counter finally asked pulling Severus out of his reverie. "Are you lost perhaps? Zonko's and the sweet shop aren't far from here. It can be easy to get turned around on one's first visit to Hogsmeade. I would be happy to offer you directions"
"No, no I am not lost. This is where I wanted to be." Severus said after a moment mustering up his courage. He realized with a start that of all of the people in the shop that morning he had been by far the youngest. It had never even occurred to him that someone might have some questions about that.
"Indeed?" The man asked walking over to where Severus was standing and looking at the ingredients in front of him. "Certainly you wouldn't need any of these for your Hogwarts classes, unless Slughorn has significantly improved his curriculum in recent years. From the looks at it you must be a third year, no further than fourth year at most."
Severus nodded his ascent. "I am a third year sir, and unfortunately our coursework has remained the same as ever. I was more interested in these for my own personal projects."
"Personal projects? What might some of those be?" The man asked with interest crossing his arms over his chest.
"At the present time I am working on brewing Felix Felicis, but earlier this year I brewed a Draught of Living Death, as well as working on some of my own recipes on the side." Severus said.
"A third year year brewing a Draught of Living Death?" The man asked. "No it cannot be, unless….Tell me child, what is your name?"
"Severus, Severus Snape sir." He said after a moment. Much to his surprise the man greeted him with a broad grin at this.
"I have heard about you. One of the most promising young Potions students Hogwarts has seen in a very long time. Professor Slughorn has told me a great deal about you. People your age do not often take such an interest in the subtle art that is potion making." The other man was impressed. "I must admit, I would be quite curious to see you create something. That is, if you would not mind."
"I am certain it would not be all that interesting to watch." Severus said rather bashfully. "I am just a third year."
"I can assure you, I would find it quite interesting to see for myself what Professor Slughorn has been telling me about these past three years. Provided you had the time today I can set up a cauldron on the counter. I understand though that you probably want to spend today with your friends."
Severus thought on it for a moment. "I have some time. My best friend was hoping to join me here today, but unfortunately she has quite the nasty cold and is stuck in the hospital wing right now."
"Then why not brew something that you can bring back to cheer her up a bit?" the man asked. "Let's see, how about a Pepper-up Potion!"
Severus agreed, and soon the man from the shop had brought out a cauldron and some supplies and the boy began to work. The gentleman watched with rapt attention as Severus set to arranging his ingredients, and preparing them. The child barely needed a glance at the recipe to make the potion and within the hour it was complete. For a few moments the man was silent, as he stood up and examined the child's work. With a ladle he scooped some out into a phial and examined it in the light, looking at the quality of the mixture and its consistency.
"This is of an excellent quality." The man said at last, handing the phial over to the boy. "There are many fully trained wizards who would not be able to brew anything like this. Now tell me, I noticed that rather than cutting the nettles in a straight line you cut them at a diagonal, was there any specific reason for that?"
"I've found that when performed at an angle the cut is cleaner, and this allows for the nettles to better integrate into the potion as a whole. It's little things that allow the properties of the different materials to really come out that can change the overall outcome and effectiveness of a potion. So many people overlook that when brewing."
"Young man, I am quite impressed with you. This is a real talent you have, and I hope that you know that. A talent like this one should never go to waste. If possible I would like to see you down here a little bit more often. I know that not every weekend is a Hogsmeade visit, but I'll speak to the Headmaster and Professor Slughorn to see if we can arrange something." the man said. "Surely they would be amenable."
"Amenable to what sir? I am not entirely certain as to what you have in mind." Severus said after a moment.
"Forgive me, what was I thinking? Heaven knows sometimes I think the rest of the world is inside my brain and sharing my thoughts. If you would be interested I would like to take you on as an apprentice of sorts. Clearly your skills are far beyond what is currently being offered to you in your school potions classes. I could help guide you in the right direction, offer you more challenges." The man said. Severus smiled, and then felt his face fall. "What is the matter, do you not like the idea?"
"Oh, I think the idea is marvelous, and I would love nothing more than to be able to accept sir, but I am afraid that I could never afford such a thing. Money is tight in my family as it is. I can hardly afford to buy ingredients for my potions, let alone apprentice or take private lessons." Severus said looking at the ground. "Thank you Mr…"
"Good Heavens, I have not even taken a moment to introduce myself, in all of my excitement. Edgar Pippin at your service." He said reaching out to shake the boy's hand. "I could never turn down a student for a reason such as you have said. A talent like yours needs to be nourished and built upon. It needs to be permitted to flourish."
Severus stared up at the man with a look of barely concealed astonishment. He had never known anyone to be quite this generous. "I do not know what to say Mr. Pippin, never in my wildest dreams could I have ever imagined something like this."
"Say yes." Mr. Pippin said.
"Well, then yes, I would love to apprentice with you Mr. Pippin." Severus replied happily.
"Good, now you must promise me two things if we are to work together." Mr. Pippin said seriously.
"Yes, of course, anything Mr. Pippin." Severus said, still reeling at his newfound good fortune.
"First, please don't stand on formality, none of this "Mr. Pippin." My father, grandfather, brother and numerous uncles all go by Mr. Pippin, it does get to be rather confusing after a time. You may call me Edgar." Edgar said with a smile. "Secondly, you allow yourself to continue creating things. Don't think that simply because I am teaching you things in one way that it is the only way to do something. Innovate, experiment and really allow yourself to enjoy the art of the craft."
"I believe I can agree to those terms." Severus said. "Good, now before you go allow me to show you our workroom, our laboratory. We will do all of our crafting and brewing in there." With a flick of his wand Edgar flipped the sign on the door to closed and led Severus into the workroom. "I hope you find this to your liking."
Severus had never seen a space like this before, it was perhaps the most magical place he had ever been aside from Hogwarts. This was space was like a dream for anyone involved in the art of Potions. "This is wonderful….Edgar."
All of these years later this space still felt quite magical, just as full of hope and optimism as it had the first time he had come year as a student. Truth be told, after joining the ranks of the Death Eaters he feared that he would never be able to return here again. That too, was part of the reason he had avoided coming to Pippin's for so long since he had returned to the school. He had been afraid that his mentor would never want to see him again. After all he had known what had transpired since his leaving school. Severus had personally seen the pain in his face when he had told the man his intentions for his life after Hogwarts. He had pleaded with him to change his mind, and had all but thrown him out of the store. How young and stupid he had been in those days. More than anything he wished he could take back all of those things he had done.
"Well, here we are." Edgar said with a smile. "Let's have a look shall we? It has been years since I have had anyone to compare notes with. As I have said many a time before, there are not enough people who truly appreciate Potions. Everyone wants a potion to cure this, a potion to do that, but nobody understands what it takes to craft them."
"I look forward to this immensely." Severus replied. "If I might also say…..Thank you for allowing me back, nay welcoming me back into your shop. What I did all of those years ago, who I was, there is no excuse for it. I have regretted it for quite some time and only hope that I can make amends to you someday."
Edgar turned to him and put his hand on the younger man's shoulder. "You have always been something like a son to me. It truly broke my heart when you made that decision of yours, but I hoped and prayed that you would grow to understand why it was the wrong path for you to take."
"I was a horrible person back then, and I caused so many people pain due to my own hubris." Severus said.
"You are a good man, you always have been. We all have gone down the wrong path at some point or other in our lives, but everyone deserves a second chance. When I heard that you had taken your qualifying exams and been granted the title of Potions Master I was beyond excited. Then when I heard that Albus had hired you to take over for Slughorn I knew that you had finally found your calling." Edgar said proudly. "If this is why you have been a stranger to my shop for so long since returning home to Hogwarts, please do not let fear of my disapproval keep you away any longer. It is completely unfounded and I would enjoy being able to spend time with you, to work with you, once again."
With that the older man took him in his arms and hugged him. It took him a moment but soon he reciprocated the hug. His own father had never hugged him like this before, if he had ever hugged him at all. "Do not allow the guilt from your past to consume your whole life and dictate how you live going forwards." Edgar said once the hug had broken off. "This is a fresh start, forge a new path for yourself, live a little. Remember too that my door is always open to you should you ever need anything or should you simply want to talk.
Severus stayed at Pippins for a little while longer, setting aside some ingredients and arranging another meeting with Edgar before going back into the village. He was very glad that he had come down so early this morning, he had not anticipated the visit to Pippin's lasting for quite as long as it did. He also had not anticipated feeling like such a weight had been lifted from his shoulders afterwards. His spirits were much higher than they had been in a long time.
Checking his watch he saw that he still had a little bit of time before he was due to meet Minerva at the Three Broomsticks. Perhaps it was the festive atmosphere, perhaps it was Edgar's advice on returning to the world of the living, but an idea suddenly occurred to him. There was a florists shop not far from the Three Broomsticks. He had passed it numerous times, but he had never gone inside before. Minerva had done so much for him this year, and he had never properly thanked her for putting up with him. Especially this past month when he had been all but a ghost. She might enjoy some flowers, a little something to brighten her day.
He emerged from the shop a few minutes later with a bouquet of dark pink carnations tied with a ribbon. He had to admit that they were beautiful flowers, and he hoped that Minerva found them to her liking. He had often seen her admiring the flowers on the grounds of the school and the ones that Pomona had recently taken to growing throughout the castle. Certainly it would be nice for her to have some of her own in her classroom or office.
Walking into the Three Broomsticks he checked his watch and found that he still had about ten minutes before Minerva was due to arrive. Looking around he found a quiet table slightly out of the way. He took a seat, setting the flowers down and waited for her. While he was waiting another familiar face made an appearance in the pub.
"Severus, how good it is to see you!" Aurora Sinistra said walking over to him. "Dare I say, it has been quite a long time since I have seen you out and about."
"Aurora, it is good to see you too." Severus said standing up and shaking her hand. "Would you care to join me for a few minutes?"
"Thank you Severus, that would be lovely. I only have a few minutes to spare today, but I always have time for some pleasant and collegial conversation." Aurora said. "What brings you to Hogsmeade today?"
"I came down here to pick up some potions ingredients and some other materials for work and then to meet up with Minerva for a bit." Severus said. "It did not occur to me until today just how long it has been since I have left the school grounds and really done something other than work."
"Trust me, I can relate to that. It is very easy to become wrapped up in the job, so much so that it becomes your entire life. There have been months at a time where I have never left the building." Aurora said patting his arm. "It's good that you're out, the fresh air and sunshine will do you some good!"
"It seems that everyone in the castle is completely bent on getting some color into my skin." Severus said with a smirk.
"It is not as if the sunlight could do you any harm." Aurora said with a laugh.
"You act as if I've never seen the sun, and that I spend all of my time out of doors hiding beneath a dark umbrella. Have I ever shown any peculiar symptoms of vampirism before?"
"Well, I've often wondered." Aurora said jokingly. "You have the dark hair, the pale skin, the dark robes…."
"While I'm not sure what my hair has to do with anything, I know fair-haired vampires exist, the dark robes are easy enough to explain. I work with potions all day, inevitably in my classroom on any given day something will explode. Black tends to hide stains better than any other color. Could you imagine if I wore white? I would look like a Picasso by the end of the day."
"Fair point, but you avoided the topic of your coloring, or lack thereof." Aurora said.
"What is there to explain other than the fact that my family is Irish?" Severus asked. "That's hardly a crime."
"Okay, I'll leave it for now." Aurora replied.
"Well, I'm glad we've settled the fact that I am no more a vampire than you are." Severus said.
"Are these flowers for Minerva?" Aurora asked, finally noticing the bouquet laying down next to him on the table.
"Yes, they are." He said with a slight blush. "She has done so much to help me this school year that I thought she might enjoy them as a sort of thank you."
"They're lovely!" Aurora said picking them up and smelling them. "Such a sweet aroma."
"Do you think she will like them?" Severus asked earnestly. He wasn't sure why he was so anxious about this. They were only flowers, nothing of great consequence, but still he hoped she approved.
"There is no doubt in my mind that she will love them." Aurora said, setting the flowers back down on the table. "Any woman would be lucky to receive these."
Severus let out a breath he did not know that he was holding. "Thank you, I'm so glad to hear that."
"No worries. I am sure she will be thrilled about this. Now I won't keep you any longer. Enjoy your day off, and say hi to Minerva for me." She said standing up to leave.
Severus stood up with her and shook her hand once more. "Enjoy your day as well, I hope you get some well deserved rest and relaxation. We don't get many days like this one." With a final goodbye the two parted and Severus sat back down. He remained in good spirits as he awaited Minerva, but soon he could not help but realize that she was late. It was possible that she had gotten distracted or that her schedule had become rather busy, but soon minutes turned into a half an hour, then an hour and then two hours.
Finally he decided that perhaps she was not coming after all and his heart sank a bit. Having waited for three hours he finally left the pub and returned to Hogwarts. When he arrived back in his rooms he laid the flowers on his counter feeling dejected that she did not show up. It was possible that he had mixed up the dates, or that she had forgotten. This was probably something that he shouldn't worry about, this sort of thing happened to people all of the time. Still he could not quite shake the melancholy that this had brought on. Going back to the flowers he thought about throwing them away, but then decided instead to put them in some water. They weren't to blame for what had happened. Besides, perhaps he would see her later this week and he could give them to her then. /p