4.

"This is payback, isn't it? Just because I gave you a little push."

It was yet another of Buffy's quarterly physical exams. She was sitting on an examination bed, her arm out and gently held by a Dr. Leonard McCoy the 'bathroom man'.

"Now what would make you say that?" he asked as he inserted a needle into her vein.

"Ow," she softly exclaimed, more for the point of it than because of actual pain, "Oh, I don't know maybe because of the little smile you have while inflicting bodily harm."

McCoy rolled his eyes, "I'd hardly call this bodily harm. When someone violently pushes you into your seat, now that is bodily harm."

Buffy narrowed her eyes at him. "I knew it, you were just waiting for revenge. And it wasn't violent."

"I think the bruise you gave me would say different," he countered as the vial filled up with her blood.

Buffy gently huffed at his dramatic replay of events. "I did not give you a bruise."

"There was definite bruising," he argued. "I know bruising when I see it. I am a doctor."

Her examinations were always kept private. Only her and the doctor with the occasional nurse if required, which was rare. Today it was just Buffy and Dr. 'I bruise like a peach'. She had been assessed, prodded and now she was being poked – only in the very PG sense of the word. "How'd you get this gig anyway?"

"Oh, taking blood is just part of my many doctorly duties."

"You know what I mean."

McCoy eyed her, placing the now filled vial aside. When he was told he'd be given an assignment that required high level clearance with the upmost secrecy he'd been curious. When he was given access to a medical report simply labeled with a file number and no picture of the patient the curiosity grew. When he read said report, his mind reached levels of curiosity he didn't know existed. And when he walked into the exam room and found the blonde cadet that pried him out of the bathroom nearly a year ago, he debated walking right out and forgetting the whole thing.

But he had stayed. His mentor's faith in him for this assignment was one reason. The opportunity to examine such a curiosity was another…as was the opportunity to inflict some minor discomfort, only if required of course. She had given him a bruise that one time.

"Dr. Kelley's out sick," he replied. "How fortunate for me he decided to appoint me to take over. Temporarily."

"How much temporarily?"

"With any luck just today," he said, stepping back to pick up his assigned PADD device. "Quite the interesting file you have."

"Really?" Buffy questioned, leaning over to read it. "Can I –"

"No," he said, pulling it back from her reach. Buffy rolled her eyes and sat back while McCoy continued to read her report. He was filled with a universe worth of questions he wasn't allowed to ask. Didn't mean he wasn't going to make some comments for the sake of conversation. Bedside manner was part of his training. "Says here you possess some enhanced abilities. Including highly advanced healing abilities, almost like –"

"Magic?" Buffy helpfully finished off. She'd heard it before, she knew those reports were thorough and there was no point in hiding what he had read. "Come on, Doc. I'm sure you've come across different species that can heal a lot faster than me."

"Yes, but you're human. At least that's what your tests say anyway," he responded as he updated her file from today's exam. "I have my doubts."

Buffy smiled. McCoy was definitely one of the more human of humans she had met from the Starfleet exam team. It was nice.

"At least your sense of humor is better than Dr. Kelley's."

McCoy stopped tapping and looked at her. "Just part of my charm."

Maybe it was the seven-hundred and fourteenth? Or the seven-hundred and fifteenth? Buffy wasn't sure. What Buffy did know was that she couldn't bring herself to go through with it. Every single time.

Dawn. Willow. Xander. Giles. Angel. Her father. Tara. Faith. Spike. Her aunt Arleen. Cordelia. Riley. Wesley…

So many names. So many people frozen in time in her mind. The curiosity had always been there, from the moment she woke up and was told how far into the future she had woken up. What had happened to her family? To her friends? To her acquaintances? To everyone she knew?

Buffy knew there had to be records of sorts, of when they passed and maybe of how they lived the rest of their lives. Graduation dates. Wedding and birth announcements. Apocalyptic events. The usual life things. Those records were kept online for the rest of the world to search and see.

But she couldn't do it. She'd type in a name, backspace, another name, backspace, and so on and on…a vicious cycle of denial she couldn't break.

Buffy knew why she backspaced, she wouldn't actually admit it to herself, but she knew, she knew she was afraid. What if…what if they died because of her? Because she wasn't there to save them? What if her sacrifice meant nothing and the people she loved…what if their lives twisted in some horrible way? What if they never got their happily ever afters?

Terrible scenarios went through her mind every time she tried searching someone she knew. Someone she loved. Even now. Buffy stared at the screen, eyeing the name 'Anya Jenkins' typed into the search box. She had been staring at that name for at least ten minutes but still, she couldn't –

"I'm starting to think you actually live here."

Of course. Irritation immediately set in when she heard his voice. Buffy quickly cleared her search and looked up from the desktop monitor. "Pike isn't here, he's –"

"On a mission. I know," Jim replied with a smile and made himself comfortable in a chair in front of Pike's desk. "I need a favor."

Seriously? Buffy looked at him with near contempt before focusing back on the monitor. "Office hours are over."

She was as dismissive as she could be without coming off as rude. Not that she cared, but propriety did sneak into her conscious once in a while.

Jim, as usual, took it all in stride and was undeterred. Despite his habit of flirting with nearly every female he saw, he came to really like Buffy. He enjoyed her company and she was very, very nice to look at. It made him look past her prickly nature towards him. Though that was somewhat endearing as well.

"I was hoping you could put in a good word for me to Pike."

Buffy shook her head. "You're not his type."

And without a miss, "But I am yours."

And a rapid fire, "No."

Could she be anymore adorable? Jim wasn't sure, but he had business to attend to first, "I know he has input on who he gets to take during field training and –"

"And you want him to take you."

With a cocky smile and shrug, Jim made it clear he was the obvious choice.

Buffy stopped pretending she was working and looked at him. "Aren't you a little ahead of schedule? You're not eligible –"

"Until next year, I know, but the year's almost over and I want the head start."

It wasn't his fault really. For all intents and purposes Jim was an okay guy. He was determined as hell and extremely smart. He wasn't outright cruel and seemed to respect the unspoken limits she set between them. Buffy had to admit he was charming, clever and nice to look at. Plus, he stood in direct sunlight without bursting into flames, always a bonus.

And yet the wig of nerves was still there. Especially since the bar incident months ago. So, with lingering pettiness, she asked, "And what makes you think I'll help you?"

"Because you like me."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Less and less."

There was confident and there was cocky, Jim landed in the second camp with absolutely no shame.

Buffy went back to 'working' and Jim sat back watching her. The staring should've bothered her, but it didn't. As a matter of fact, she actually liked the company he provided. A compliment she'd keep to herself.

They sat quietly then, a silence both of them found comforting. Warm sunlight streaming through the window, flecks of fibers dancing in the air. Low murmurs of people walking by in conversation, intermittently creating soft background noise – and for a few moments the world wasn't so bright and hard, steeled by technology. It was gentle and warm, made alive by those who lived in it. And sometimes there were moments, small in the grand scheme of things, where life was slow and calming, like two people just sharing a room in easy silence.

Over the past year Jim talked to Buffy maybe a handful, or two, times. Not enough to call her a friend, but enough that there was affection there, aside from the obvious attraction he had. He knew how incredibly smart and confident she was. He also noticed how much time she spent alone, by choice or circumstance, he didn't know. And despite her clear annoyance of him, she wasn't mean or overly condescending, she was very tolerant and seemingly kind. Buffy was a person he liked, and liked getting to know, something he wished she was more aware of.

"Congratulations, by the way," he said gently, breaking the silence. "On graduating the academy early. Pike mentioned it and he's very proud."

Buffy stopped reading the current news out of Sunnydale and looked over to him. His words bringing a lightbulb moment, "If you're so buddy, buddy with him, why do you need my help?"

Jim dropped all pretense and very genuinely replied, "Because he listens to you."

It was the sincerest tone she ever heard coming out of him. There were no games, no pulls, nothing to indicate he was trying to play her to his advantage. Buffy may not know him very well, but she did know when he was trying to work her, and she was positive this was not one of those times. So, she relented.

"I won't make any promises," she replied honestly.

Jim gave a nod of understanding. "Fair enough." And just because he couldn't miss the opportunity of having her undivided attention, "In the meantime, how about a –"

"No."