5.

Buffy was a loser. She accepted that now. Her best friend was a man twice her age and she had no real friends her own age…except one. And that was only recently.

They were sitting in a booth at Grace-Lee. Sulu had insisted on celebrating her upcoming graduation even if it was just a dinner between the two of them. Something Buffy appreciated as she had no plans to celebrate with anyone not named Christopher Pike.

She was in the middle of drinking her beer when Sulu, with a nervous smile on his face, held out a package. It was medium in size and wrapped in shiny rose gold paper. Surprised, Buffy placed down her drink and gently took it. "You got me a present?"

"A very well deserved present, for graduating."

Buffy was extremely touched. "You didn't have to."

They had been training weekly for months and in the midst of all that had formed a proper friendship. At times they'd have lunch and sometimes dinner. On occasion they'd seek each other out for study sessions and vent about things. It was a slowly blossoming friendship that made Buffy feel a little more sure of this world. So, she gladly took the gift and smiled, "But I'm very grateful that you did."

Sulu had been nervous the entire time. He wasn't sure she'd like it. They were friends now, but he still felt like he didn't know her very well. She didn't share much about her life. Buffy always seemed very guarded, but he did remember certain things when she made offhanded comments during their conversations. He just hoped he'd been right.

Untying the red ribbon and peeling back the shiny paper, Buffy's eyes lit up. It was perfect. They were perfect and she couldn't believe he was able to find them.

"Sulu, how…" she was overwhelmed and at a loss for words.

It was the perfect choice. Sulu could see it on her face, and he smiled. "You said something about trying to find all seven. My roommate has a friend who had two of them, he was planning to trade them for…I don't even know, but I managed to get them for a dinner and a round of drinks."

It was a random twist of fate. One day Buffy had been visiting an antique store in San Francisco and expected to find actual antique-y things, or at least her 20th century version of antique-y things. What she found were knick-knacks from her own past like CDs and floppy disks, a flip phone and an IBM laptop. It was horrifying. Reality began setting in and she wanted to get out of there as fast as she could – but just before she reached the door something square and bulky caught her eye. A book. Sitting on a shelf next to a Mickey Mouse clock was a book with a very worn but colorful cover. And Buffy could just make out the first two words: Harry Potter

Warm wistfulness filled her, Dawn loved Harry Potter, she and Willow could discuss it for hours. The memory nearly overwhelmed her. With misty eyes, Buffy walked over and picked up, what was now considered, relic. The cover was smooth and dusty, but it was real, it was hard and had a musty smell. Buffy sniffled and pressed it against her chest, giving herself a moment to feel things she couldn't express before collecting herself. With a calming breath, she pulled the book back, knowing she had to take it home. And so, she cleared her throat, wiped her eyes, sniffled back her emotions and went to see if she could find any of the remaining six. She didn't, not that day, and she knew it would be a struggle to find them, especially in a world without bookstores anymore.

But it just wasn't the Harry Potter books she searched for. Finding it sparked something in her. In other places and other antique stores, Buffy was on the hunt for any book that caught her interest. How ever few and far between they were, at least so far.

It was a small but growing stack, Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss, Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown and Clement Hurd, The Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain, and a few more titles listed in Emily Dickinson, though ironically no books by Emily Dickinson as yet, all tucked away under her bed. It was a small stash of literature she hoped to build up over time, and in a booth, in a bar, she was gifted two more Harry Potter books to add to her collection.

"You are a god," she told him, scooting across the seat to hug him. "How am I supposed to top this for your graduation?"

"Well, the good news is you have a whole year to think about it. Not all of us can graduate early."

Buffy smiled and scooted back to her original spot. "You could, too, if you had absolutely no social life."

Sulu drank his beer and replied, "Having a social life not really an issue these days."

"What about that guy you were seeing?" she asked, putting her books aside and temporarily blanking on a name. "I wanna say…Arnold?"

"Alec," he corrected.

"Right. Alec," she said, picking up her glass to take a drink. "What's the sitch there?"

"No sitch. No anything. He decided Astromycology required more of his time than I did."

Buffy nodded. "Been there. There's nothing like emotionally unavailable men to make you wacky."

"Tell me about it."

Of course, it had been some time that a man had made Buffy wacky. Dating had been near nonexistent in the past three years, but oh how she remembered it well. The stress, the drama, the push and pull…but she did miss one thing about it all – the passion. The overwhelming want of someone else, of someone who made her feel everything all at once. It was something she did miss on those rare moments when she wasn't overwhelmed by learning and testing, those rare moments when she felt how lonely she was.

Remembering those times when boys drove her crazy, Buffy also remembered something else – the need for high calorie food to make herself feel better, always worked like a charm. Looking at their table now, Buffy noticed their provisions were dwindling and that was just unacceptable, "More food?"

Sulu gulped down the rest of his beer and raised his glass. "And another round."

"And another round. We are celebrating after all."

He laughed at the downturn of events he didn't mean to cause. He adjusted his posture and playfully raised his glass again. "To Buffy Summers and her successful completion of Starfleet Academy."

"Thank you," she said smiling and raised her glass. "And to Hikaru Sulu, no longer falling for emotionally unavailable men."

"Amen to that."

Christopher Pike was not usually an emotional man. Not by nature and not by training, however, when Buffy looked over at him during her graduation ceremony a little lump formed in his throat. She was nervous, he could tell, but she merely smiled and turned forward again. He had never felt prouder of anyone than he did this day. Three years of hard work, of determination, of strength brought her to this moment. Buffy wasn't just a cadet graduating from Starfleet, she was a woman graduating from a life she had to rebuild. A life so different from the one she knew, and proved, not only to herself, but to everyone who knew, how amazingly capable, intelligent, and strong she was. A graduate in every sense of the word.

No matter the time or place, graduation ceremonies always had too many people giving speeches. This one was no different. There was the valedictorian, the superintendent, and special guest speakers. Then there were recognition of certain cadets and honorable mentions. The ceremony dragged so long that Buffy couldn't help but tune in and out – until the time came to finally pledge their oath to Starfleet. And just before Buffy recited her vow an unexpected panic set in. This was really it. She was really done. The bubble she built for herself was about to burst into the real world. What would her life be now? Who was she beyond a Starfleet cadet?

Buffy had been so focused on getting through the next thing and then the next thing, to learn and adapt, she never gave much thought to what would happen after. The shield she placed around herself, built on learning over two hundred years of history, acclimating to advanced technology, and the mountains of Starfleet coursework, evaporated and she was now left exposed to face reality. What if she wasn't ready? She was cookie dough for so long, trying to figure out who she was. What if she was still baking? Buffy was good at hiding from people. Always had an excuse to not get attached, to not build friendships. To not figure out who she was beyond a slayer, a cadet, a time traveler. It was always study, study, study. That was gone now.

So, who was Buffy Anne Summers?

And why did it frighten her so much to find out?

The sound of cheering snapped Buffy out of her existential crisis. The ceremony was over. Buffy was now truly a Starfleet graduate. And the immensity of what it meant, of being done with three years of work, was not lost on her. Despite her mental downward spiral, she felt the relief, she was done, and with a big smile, she clapped proudly along with everyone else.

Families and friends gathered to congratulate the new graduates. Buffy hugged a few classmates she had come to know, exchanging the usual 'keep in touch' and 'let's hang out soon' promises that were so common during times like these. Buffy had understood how fickle these things were, how keeping touch with classmates was a rare thing, even when she graduated high school, and she understood it now. Which proved that not much can change over the course of history. Though, nobody was attacked or eaten by a giant snake this time, so that was a plus.

Finally, amongst the throngs of people, Buffy managed to locate Pike. He stood smiling, waiting for her, and Buffy, who didn't have a crowd of friends and family, didn't feel so out of place, and she all but ran to him. Her arms wrapping around Pike without a second thought. This man who stood by her side all these years. Who encouraged her. Believed in her. The lighthouse in her storm of life. Gratitude was not a big enough word.

"I am so proud of you," he said, arms wrapped tightly around her.

"Thank you," she responded, meaning every word.

With a final squeeze, Pike released her, though his hands rested affectionately on her shoulders. "So, how does it feel to finally be finished?"

What a loaded question and she couldn't help but answer honestly, "It's…unreal."

It was a hard thing to process. Pike knew it himself. And he was sure that in Buffy's case, it was damn near overwhelming. So, he changed the subject.

"Where's that friend of yours?" he asked, looking around as if he knew what the cadet looked like. All he had to go on was Buffy's vague description, which didn't go beyond, tall, male, and a good swordsman. Not exactly a shuttlecraft in a haystack. "I was hoping to meet him today."

Buffy looked around but couldn't spot Sulu anywhere in the crowds. "He's…not here. Guess he had an elsewhere else to be. Big day, probably had other actual friends to congratulate."

She was self-deprecating and Pike wouldn't have. Not on this day. "Buffy, he took you to dinner and gave you books. I would consider that an actual friend."

The man may be named after a fish, but when he was right, he was right. "Very true, Captain Pike. And in his defense, he probably is with other friends, it is a bid day and all. Lots of people to meet and salute."

"Captain Pike!"

The sudden sound of his name caught both their attention, and someone Buffy didn't recognize was waving Pike over.

"I think it's time I go make the rounds," he said as a few more graduates were trying to get his attention. "But we're still on for dinner later."

"Absolutely," she replied. "And don't worry about me. I have a thing to take care of." At his questioning look, Buffy reassured him, "I'll tell you later. Go, be Mr. Popularity."

Pike smiled and hugged her one more time. "So, proud of you."

With a final squeeze, Buffy let him go and he went off into the crowds of people waiting for him.

Buffy looked around at the smiling groups of people. The congratulating, the hugs that were so easily passed around. She realized then that there was no one left for her here. No big group of family and friends to congratulate her, shower her with flowers and balloons. There was no reason for her to stay and she left, quietly slipping away from the happy hordes that surrounded her.