Chapter 8: Emotions

It started as a normal day when Inko herself received a call that changed her life.

It was such a beautiful day. Clear sky, gentle wind, radiant sun.

That was the day her whole world collapsed.

Who could have thought? That her happiness could be toppled over on such a beautiful day?

As everyone around her continues to smile, exchange pleasantries, and whisper to each other in such tender words, Inko felt a chill travel through her body.

Her whole body felt weak, her feet felt cold like she was about to keel over.

Her hand lost its grip as the phone fell to the ground with a *clack* sound.

Hands covered her mouth, barely stopping the choking, sobbing noise from escaping, Inko has run out of there.

Without explanation, without hesitation.

Without any time left.

Surprisingly, no one noticed the distress in her action, or they did and just didn't care.

But Inko soon realized that it didn't matter anymore.

That day, Inko wept upon seeing his gentle features, there covered in blood and broken beyond repair staring back at her.

Maybe this was some sort of irony, just for her.

How cruel.

To say Inko was livid with anger was an understatement.

She thought that it was fortunate for her that at least Mitsuki cared enough to help her with the funeral.

But then, she heard something shocking enough to make her shudder with spite.

'I'm sorry, Mrs. Midoriya.'

Always she heard that sickening fake apologetic tone.

Her son's body was being kept in the morgue for the time being disappeared after one night.

Gone without a trace.

And no one even knew what happened. There were no cameras, no fingerprints. All they found was a broken window and one of the morgue assistant's jackets was missing.

She should have expected that. The fact that the quirkless dead were sent to a separate morgue, entirely for them. It was apparent that no one would care if a body disappeared with how flimsy the security was.

When she brought up the case to the police, they promised they will look into it. It was jarring the see the moment their interests wavered, the moment she revealed that her son was quirkless.

Then, it was pretty settled that unless someone have a change of heart and gave the body back, Izuku would never have a real funeral.

Why did this keep happening to him?

To both of them?

Hearing the raindrop falling outside, Inko can only let out a sad sigh.

Although she has closed the windows, it felt cold.

And unmeasurably empty.

Is this how her baby felt? The emptiness that eventually drove people to despair?

That has led him to his eventual demise?

Inko shook his head desperately.

As countless negative thoughts swarmed her head, Inko felt her tears silently slide down again.

She missed her baby's radiant smile, a smile she hasn't seen since-

…since forever.

Then, Inko suddenly noticed something horrifying.

How long has it been since the last time she saw that smile?

How long has he stopped smiling?

She can't remember.

Why can't she remember?

'Why indeed. You barely see him every day. What makes you think it would be noticeable to you?' A traitorous voice whispered such words in her head.

And it was-

Oh.

It was the truth.

How long has she remained ignorant?

Her baby has always been lonely, 'till the day he couldn't bear it anymore, and finally ended it all. And now she's the lonely one.

Will she eventually meet the same fate?

The day he was diagnosed quirkless, she didn't respond to him with reassuring words, didn't say that he could be a hero.

She could only cry as she was the first one to tell his son that his dream was out of reach. She could only apologize.

And then Hisashi left. Without a single word of goodbye. Inko thought she knew Hisashi, thought he cared behind that cold and stoic look.

She thought wrong.

Looking back, everything started to look vain. When Hisashi stopped sending money over, she knew their life would be hard. Harder than it already has been.

She tried to work hard to provide for both of them, even taking the night shift to cover for her son's eventual enrollment in U.A.

And she lost sight of the one thing she had. Her son, her wonderful boy, laid on his face a smile deteriorating with each day that passed.

She knew that desolation didn't kill him. She knew her son was stronger than that.

Her son was always so strong, so caring, so smart.

So alone.

And it ultimately made what she learned a bitter pill to swallow.

She was surprised to see Katsuki standing outside her door, refusing to look up.

A sense of inevitable dread crept up her neck.

Katsuki was Mitsuki's son and has been best friends with Izuku since childhood.

Every time she asked Izuku about him, he just said they drifted apart with a sad smile.

Clearly, they didn't, but not in the way she expected it to be.

In the same days, she learned that Izuku has faced many hardships at school, and even that was a nice way to phrase it. He was bullied relentlessly, and Katsuki admitted to having a hand in it himself.

How did Izuku hide that fact for so long? Why didn't she notice anything off-

'A memory of Izuku when he was 5, with bruises littering his arms and face. He has told her he just tripped on a rock and hurt himself.

She has believed him so readily and remained ignorant of what other reasons could have been behind these scars.

She was afraid of what it might have been and took the easy way out.

Izuku didn't have such options.'

Her hand was clenching, her throat was dry as she realized the implication. An implication she realized far too late.

Katsuki paused a bit before continued talking. This time, his voice was barely audible, as if something heavy was stuck in his throat.

He told her of that faithful day when he went too far.

'Take a swan dive off the roof-'

She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

'…and hope that you have a quirk in your next life-'.

How could such cruel words-

'Useless Deku.'

Useless.

As it always has been.

She failed to be there for him that day. Absent as he went through the worst day f his life. The last day of his life.

Katsuki has been his friend since childhood since they barely learned about the world. She knew have drifted apart, but she never thought-

She should have felt fury at his confession, she should have shouted and cursed. But Inko felt nothing.

She was in a trance, deep in processing how much she had failed. And the fact that nothing could fix this anymore.

It was too late. Shouting and blaming, although they might fill the deep sense of guilt and helplessness in her heart, won't bring him back.

Nothing will bring her son back now.

Thankfully, hearing her sob as she started to get hysterical, Katsuki decided that he has overstayed his welcome.

'I'm sorry.' He said so softly, so unlike him as he walked through the door, his fists still clenched.

Maybe it has gotten too unbearable, for both of them.

The two people who have failed him.

Katsuki didn't come back a week later and was in an undeniably embarrassing situation.

Inko should have known not to dabble in alcohol, but all of her senses and reasons were thrown out of the window.

She needed it, she tried to argue with herself, to numb away the sadness in her soul.

And the guilt that she was drowning in.

Before Inko knew it, she was blind-drunk, unaware of anything around her. Apparently, Katsuki thought that something bad happened to her and quickly rushed in to check her out.

She was crying and mumbling the whole time, shouting out incoherent sentences.

She didn't hear any of Katsuki's words, didn't want to hear.

Inko was horrified at facing the reality that her son has really gone again.

Katsuki was kind enough to help her to her bed, although he couldn't stop the intoxicating smell of alcohol from entering his nostrils.

She was saying nonsense all the way but Inko eventually calmed down.

As tears started to flow again, Inko cried herself to sleep that night.

She could hear Katsuki saying something remorsefully again with that abnormally soft voice, but her consciousness was too dim to make out.

Inko realized Katsuki wasn't there anymore in the morning.

Surprisingly he came back the next day, knocking on her door gently.

"Come in." She said dryly, and the door opened with a click.

They sat opposite of each other, neither of them knowing how to proceed.

There Inko finally decided to look at his face.

No longer the confident and aggressive expression of him she has known since he was young. His red eyes were heavy, sunken with eyebags. The way he carried himself was hesitant, unlike the usual brash attitude.

"Nightmares?" She blurted out before she could stop herself.

Katsuki just gave her a light nod.

He has been suffering from night terrors.

A condition was so similar to hers. Since she wouldn't go to sleep most of the time without her son's smile haunting her.

She couldn't do anything in those dreams as her Izuku slowly withered always, calling for help nowhere to be found.

And now, here they are, Katsuki and Inko herself, have both suffered from their own ignorance.

"Would you like some tea then, Katsuki-kun?" She asked, smiling sadly at him

He widened his eyes, perhaps not expecting it at all.

"I-I…yes, Auntie." He finally said with a shaky voice

They sat together in silence, the ticking of the clock was a reminder, a way to not lose touch with reality.

"Was he alone?"

Katsuki diverted his gaze, sighing tiredly

"…yes. De-Izuku, he had no friends at school. E-everyone was basically against him, or outright ignore him."

"What about the teachers?" She inquired despite the pit in her stomach kept telling her 'no'.

"They are even worse." Katsuki growled, "They saw him getting bullied, me beating him up with my own hand, my own quirk-"

Here he gritted his teeth, a solemn look spread across his features.

"They didn't stop it and…some of them even encouraged it-"

A sharp noise resounded across the room, surprising Katsuki. Inko didn't realize her knuckles were white, nails dug deep almost drawing blood. In front of her, the flower vase toppled down and shattered into pieces.

Inko just looked at the vase blankly, shocked.

"Oh." She took a deep breath, trying to tone down the anger threatening to topple her over "I-…sorry about that, Katsuki-kun."

"You deserved to be angry." He whispered

"Why makes you think I am?"

"I saw your eyes when I looked into the mirror, Auntie."

He took a deep breath.

"I was angry at the school, at those extras, at how unfair it has been…and I absolutely detest myself, for not helping Izuku, for driving him to death myself-"

"Stop."

"…"

"Just…stop it, Katsuki." Luckily, he obeyed, keeping his silence "I think…I think this is enough for today. Go home, Katsuki."

He gave her a quiet nod, standing up from the table.

With a silent click from the door, Inko knew that Katsuki has gone away.

And her tears started to spill again. Because she knew despite the obvious injustice her son faced, she was powerless to do anything.

Katsuki came to her house regularly since then. Every week, once or twice, he made sure to arrive at her doorstep.

His behavior has turned less volatile, quiet, and reserved. She didn't know if it was for the better or worse.

"Do you ever feel bad for what you've done, Katsuki?" She suddenly asked one day

"Every day, Auntie." He said solemnly

"Why did you do it, then?"

"Because I'm a conceited, arrogant bastard." He spat out such venomous words, then sighed sadly "Ever since I was a kid, I have been told that I had the powerful, perfect quirk for a hero. Izuku didn't have any. And yet, he wanted to be a hero."

"…"

"It hurt my ego somehow, someone quirkless wanted to be a hero, as if he was above me, I thought. As if he was looking down on me." He continued, as his voice started to get raspy, barely coherent.

"But De-Izuku didn't. I didn't realize it until too late, but he was the only friend I had. A real friend who saw me for who I am, not my quirk. And I pushed him too far and now-" Katsuki looked down "…I'm all alone."

"It may haunt you for the rest of your life, even if you indirectly caused his death. You know that right, Katsuki?"

"I know…" He trailed off "I deserved it. I deserved much worse."

"But I was never punished. The school swiped it clean off my record, and I basically got scot-free. It wasn't fair." He choked out "But it has never been fair for Izuku."

"Katsuki." Inko finally said in a stern voice "Remember that I haven't forgiven you. Know that it will take more than just guilt."

She clenched her teeth.

"Izuku, he was the most important of my life. I may never forgive you." She has said with such finality

"…"

"But you, Katsuki, were also a victim of this society." For a moment, Katsuki looked as if he was startled by the pitiful look in her eyes, but decided against saying anything "You were blinded by the glamour from your quirk, a poisonous concept everyone sowed into the mind of their children. And I guess I was at fault no less you."

"No, Auntie-"

"Katsuki." She stated "I haven't been…the best mother, I admitted. I didn't defend him when I heard my colleague's offensive words, for fear of losing my job. I didn't notice he was suffering inside, didn't comfort him when I was his only source of support. I left him when he needed me the most."

"It was out of your control, Auntie!"

"Perhaps. But now I will live thinking that I should have done more, could have done more. I was so focused on making money, of providing for him the physical way, that I forgot humans had emotions. I couldn't imagine how he had felt, living in his own house with his mother who basically ignored him all the time and-"

A hand on her shoulder stopped her rambling. Katsuki didn't say anything but the look in his eyes said it all.

'Don't blame yourself.' Went unsaid

"I guess…we both didn't do a very good job, huh Katsuki?"

"Humans are not perfect, Auntie. We are not infallible. Even me, you-…even Izuku." He said as he tried desperately to keep his composure "But I knew Izuku wouldn't want to see sad like this Auntie."

"I couldn't get it out of my mind. His smile kept haunting me and I-I…"

"We all need time to heal, Auntie. If you want, I will still be here by then. I know it hardly means anything now but…" His voice cracked, as he struggled to get out the word.

For the first time in a while, Inko saw the boy who yearned for her touch. An energetic boy with bright eyes rivaled her son as he smiled.

The real Katsuki was seeping under the crack of his façade.

"It was almost unbearable, wasn't it, Katsuki?"

"…yeah." He responded, his eyes glazed downward

And Inko, despite it all, decided to embrace the guilt-ridden boy in a hug.

"You can cry. You deserved that, at least."

Then Inko felt a warm feeling spread over her shoulder, followed by a barely hearable sound of sobbing.

Katsuki Bakugou, with his red eyes, figured he couldn't stop crying.

If crying was a weakness, then he'd rather be weak to make up for what he has done.

Although Katsuki's presence has been bitter at times, Inko could admit the Bakugou family was a constant source of comfort. They helped her through the worst of times.

But Inko couldn't forgive Bakugou. And herself. Not yet.

It would take a long time to mend what has been lost, but they were healing, at their own paces, in their own ways.

"You know, Ko-chan, Katsuki has been going to a therapist."

"Really?"

"Yes…" Mitsuki answered with a sad smile "It would take more than that to fix his mindset, but Katsuki was willing to change."

"I see…"

"I just…hoped it didn't come at the cost of Izuku's life." Mitsuki sighed "When he confessed to me that he was bullying Izuku, going as far as telling him to die, I-I have been so angry. So angry that I couldn't think, couldn't speak."

Mitsuki looked down as she continued to speak.

"I hit him. I think I have never hit him that hard before. My hand was reacting before I could think. But he didn't respond, didn't shout back, didn't dare to look straight at my eyes."

And it meant something. For broken pieces would never be mended perfectly.

"Izuku's death…has hit him hard. His worldview was torn apart, a heroic façade that he has been fed since childhood. I-I...both I and Masaru didn't stop it until it was too late."

"I'm sorry, Ko-ch-no, Inko. Because I was a person so similar to him myself, I couldn't notice the error in his way and-" She choked out painfully "I'm sorry, for everything."

Inko just decided to hug her friend tight. Inko herself didn't know why her tears still managed to slip through her face once again. She thought it would have dried by now.

They both cried, but Inko was comforted by the thought that the people who cared about her baby were still there, just hidden in plain sight by the cruelty of society.

Inko was surprised to hear the door ring once again. Katsuki has just gone home a few minutes or so ago. Did he forget something?

Reluctantly, she opened the door.

There standing before was a blond, but with yellow piercing eyes. A tired look under her eyes as she smiled awkwardly, showing her fangs.

"Hi, Mrs. Inko. U-um…I…it's nice to meet you again." The girl greeted her, but the smile didn't reach her eyes.

"To-chan?"

"Yes…"

"Ah! Sorry for keeping you waiting. Come on in!"

Inko hasn't seen Toga Himiko since forever. She was one of the few friends Izuku had. Maybe even the only friend he really had at that time.

Inko knew that Toga lived in an unstable household, Izuku has told her after all. She couldn't imagine anyone who would hate their own child for something out of her control, a quirk that they thought to be villainous.

But seeing what happened to her child firsthand, she was forced to believe that yes, people could be so cruel to others.

Inko was glad to hear that Toga has been adopted, by a hero no less. That despite her suffering, she would find caring family after all.

But looking back, perhaps if she hasn't been adopted, her child wouldn't have died.

No, it was selfish of her to think like that. To deny Toga of her own happiness, to subject her to such bleak future.

Besides, it's just wishful thinking now.

"I'm sorry." Himiko said, her voice so soft, with sadness deep hidden inside "For Izuku, I mean."

"Oh." Inko uttered "It's…fine, To-chan. I'm sure Izuku was glad to have a friend like you."

"A friend that failed to be there for him. To do the same for him when he's at his worst?!" Himiko gritted her teeth "I-I…I couldn't-"

"I know, Toga," Inko whispered softly

"Do think I failed too, as a mother?"

"Of course not!" Himiko half-shouted "You are the most kind-hearted, caring person-"

"Yet I never noticed the signs before it was too late. Until he has gone." Inko whispered bitterly

"Izuku…" Himiko could only sigh "He hid it well. He would listen to my story and comfort me, but he never told me what was hurting him inside. And I-I was so stuck up in my own pain that I became ignorant. I failed him."

"To-chan, look at me." Inko said, her kind eyes never wavered "It was not your fault."

"I could have done more."

"We will always be living, wondering what if. But I think Izuku wouldn't want you to blame yourself like this. Not you, not me, not anyone."

"Izuku was always so kind like that…"

"He was the best son I could ask for."

A moment of silence. Himiko fumbled with her bag. Inside was a notebook titled 'Hero Analysis For The Future: The Acting Hero, Vampir'

"Um…this is his analysis of my quirk. It has helped me so much. But I never had the chance to return it."

The notebook, with analysis and writing no doubt from her own son, she smiled fondly as memories of how rigorous he was at it began to flow in.

"Keep it, To-chan. I believe you will use it well, and it would be his wish, too." She smiled, giving Himiko back the notebook "Come to think of it, you're going to be a hero, right?"

"Yeah. But an underground one, just like my dad."

"Eraserhead?" Himiko gave her a light nod "Can you come with me for a sec?"

"O-of course." Himiko agreed, trailing behind her

Taking a deep breath, she opened the door for the first time in a while.

Covered in All Might's posters, she took out a grey box under the bed, labeled "Analysis: Underground Heroes".

She has already given Katsuki the other one about Daylight heroes on his promise that he will become a hero, to save people, to become better, and for the dream, he and Izuku had since childhood.

He would also speak out for those who couldn't, to change people's minds and save as many people like Izuku as possible. Inko just thought it was…admirable somehow.

That was just the first step for Katsuki, but it would take him a long way.

Inko will now give this one to Toga. Because as far as she can tell, Toga will become a great hero.

Inko had no doubt seen the steadfast resolution in her eyes.

It would be better if this helped someone instead of being forgotten in a corner, anyway.

After saying goodbye to Himiko, Inko sighed and sat down on her couch. This has been a long day, and mentally draining.

But it didn't long for her to hear another knock at the door.

Did Himiko forget something? Or was it Katsuki again?

Sighing, Inko opened the door, only to freeze at the sight before her.

White hair brushes through her gaze, freckles on his cheeks. The calm, composed way he carried himself.

"Hisashi?" She couldn't help but utter out, despite how irrational it was.

…

Grey bored eyes stared straight at hers.

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Okay, I'm bad at writing emotional stuff. That's a fact.