Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or its characters. They are the sole property of Takahashi Rumiko

-To Sip of Black Velvet-

Chapter 20: A Daiyoukai's Past

A.N: This chapter is almost three times the length of chapters I usually write. I don't know how it got so long but in the beginning of this story I said that chapter lengths would vary so I suppose I had good foresight lol. Anyway, this entire chapter is strictly Sesshoumaru since I felt we needed to get to know him better. It has some present, a lot of past, and a good deal of events retold from his point of view. Hope you enjoy it.

Special thanks to White Luna for Beta-ing for me!

It was the first night that Sesshoumaru hadn't left the office early in a long time. Work had steadily been building up on him from months of neglecting his obligations. He'd refused to leave the country on any business trips, conferred a heavier work load to Inuyasha, and had virtually kept the company at a standstill by not moving forward in any new acquisitions. Tonight, he'd begrudgingly decided to finish as much as he could in one sitting. He was the president of the company and therefore could tend to his work in whichever way and at whatever time that he wanted. So he'd stayed late running over this proposal or that proposition, rubbing his temples in irritation until his eyes grew weary. Inhaling a deep breath as he sat aside the last document, he began to gather his things. At least he wouldn't have to worry about having another one of these nights for another couple of months since he was sure he'd get right back to neglecting his work again tomorrow and it would take awhile for it to build up again.

Turning off his desk lamp he strolled across the floor of his office to leave. Glancing back one last time at the room that had become more like a prison since he'd lost his drive to really care about his business, to really care about the power and respect he'd craved since he could remember. He found himself wondering when that craving had even begun? All he seemed to crave now was Kagome. But he knew that at one time, power and owning the company had meant everything to him. Taking a moment to think back he figured that his obsession with power had begun with the disseverment of his relationship with his father…

..O..

It had been a day like many others.

Sesshoumaru had finished training with his sensei, excelling in all that was taught, as was expected from the heir to the Western Lands, even though he was still such a young pup.

He had been reserved from the day he was born, his father taking less than a moment to dub him with his name based solely off of his demeanor. He was the 'killing perfection' and growing up Sesshoumaru deemed it necessary to live up to all that his honored father had wanted him to be, strengthening his body and mind in the hopes to win his father's approval in the times he'd return from fighting the wars. He always carried himself with dignity, his emotions held in check.

Sesshoumaru respected his father and his accomplishments. He was the most powerful demon in the lands and Sesshoumaru wanted to grow up to be just like him. His father was always indifferent but honorable without fault. He showed Sesshoumaru little affection but nods of approval were more than enough and Sesshoumaru strove for that acceptance. The only time he allowed himself to be the carefree youth of his short 200 year existence, merely 9 in human appearance, was in the presence of his mother.

His mother was a caring soul, gentle and loving to her only son and indifferent mate. Though others were offput by Sesshoumaru's lack of visible emotions, she had always joked that she was open enough for the both of them. She knew what was hidden underneath his mask and like all mothers, understood him better than anyone else. She saw how he worked himself for the approval of her mate and always made sure to tell him that he should try hard for himself, for his opinion was the one that truly mattered. His smiles and youthful giggles were meant only for her eyes and ears.

Sesshoumaru could see in his mother's eyes all the love and admiration she held for his father though his days spent away from the castle increasingly outnumbered his days there and the displays of affection between the two were few and far between.

After training, Sesshoumaru was informed that his mother requested his presence in the gardens but had decided that taking the scenic route would do little harm. When he finally turned down the corridor leading there, the sounds of battle assaulted his small pointed ears.

Rushing and flinging open the doors, his eyes fell on the battle. His mother faced off with what looked to be four humans, three were already dead. Though loving, his mother was also deadly and possibly stronger than any other female demonness. It had been said that with her and his father's blood pulsing in his veins, Sesshoumaru had been bound for greatness. Her grace when fighting was unrivaled, even by his father. It was said that there had never been a more beautiful sight.

He walked out calmly, watching as her green poisonous whip cracked, and two more humans fell.

Had Sesshoumaru known more about humans, he would have been able to discern what the two remaining humans were. He could sense something different about them but he'd never felt it before, never having left the castle.

It all happened so quickly. He watched as his mother broke the first rule of fighting, turning her back to her enemies to face him. He'd been confused when her whip cracked in his direction and the thud of a body sounded at his feet.

He looked down eyes widening. The woman's body emitted a light that singed his skin where she fell against him. He had failed to notice her in his initial count of his mother's opponents. When he raised his eyes, he caught the slight smile and relief etched into his mothers features just before she fell, the sword piercing through her chest emitting the same light.

An uncharacteristic strangled cry left his throat and his skin began to burn. His own poisonous powers had finally come into being. Small glowing green claws sliced through the flesh of the two humans. Even as his eyes burned red, his vision blurry with tears, he glared down at the miko who'd killed his mother. She gurgled out something about 'revenge' just before he silenced her for good, a whip so much like his mothers severing her windpipe. Glancing down to his right, something gold and silver glinted in the pile of dust being carried away by the unforgiving breeze. His eyes hardened and his expression became one colder than he'd ever had before, as he bent to pick up his mother's bracelet.

His father's anticipated speedy return never came. Sesshoumaru blamed himself. Had he been stronger, wiser, he could have saved his mother. He grieved alone, in silence, pushing more of his attention to his studies and training. Rumors that the humans had been sent to kill he and his mother, in revenge for his father's relationship with a human hime, were whispered within the castle walls. He silenced them lethally until the day his father returned.

His mother's scent had not even faded completely when his father brought that human woman into the castle. It was that action which finally led Sesshoumaru to turn his back on emotions altogether.

What did emotions do? They led to his mother's death. If she hadn't cared for him, tried to save him, she never would have lost that battle. They led to pain. If he hadn't cared for her so deeply, he wouldn't have been hurting so badly. And lastly, they'd led his father to act dishonorably. Emotions meant only weakness.

It was shameful that his father tried to mate Izayoi. You could only have one mate. But even he, with all his immeasurable power, could not. His father had been unable to override the mark of his mother so as an alternative option he'd chosen the faulty way of the humans, marriage. Marriage, that said his father and Izayoi were bound, but that could not convince Sesshoumaru that his mother was no longer his father's true mate. There was no physical proof, no combining of life forces, no eternal connection. Marriage was nothing. And as for the offspring his father's new union created, his half-brother Inuyasha, the boy was illegitimate and so undeserving in all ways. Sesshoumaru watched as his father's time spent away from the castle lessened. He watched his once indifferent father show his "wife" and Inuyasha, more affection than he and his mother were ever given.

Sesshoumaru continued to strengthen himself, rooting out all weaknesses. At that young age Sesshoumaru had begun to shun emotions like love the same way that those emotions had attempted to shun the memory of his mother. He decided he would live his life obtaining unrivaled power and respect not wasting his time with ideas of love or affection because the latter were fickle at best and at worse they led to only pain. He would surpass his father in every way. With age, Sesshoumaru grew in power and cut down anyone unlucky enough to be seen as an obstacle in his path without remorse. He became hardhearted, unpitying, and ruthless in seeking to obtain his goals.

Centuries went by, things changed. He watched his father's bride grow old and die without the mating bond to sustain her life, his father's rule over his lands became his rule of a company, and the way to obtain power shifted to no longer be through bloodshed and sheer strength but through intelligence and strategy. Sesshoumaru adjusted flawlessly; his swords and battle armor replaced by briefcases and bluetooths, his silken robes exchanged for Armani suits.

Sesshoumaru's demeanor, however, didn't change. He seemed to become only more merciless and icy with the passing of the years and grew more powerful and arrogant as well. Overtime his exact reasons for his withdrawal had grown less important and he couldn't really have been any other way if he had wanted to be, which he didn't. He still considered emotions and marriage as worthless. His father not approving of Sesshoumaru's impassive demeanor or lack of emotions, sought to change him. Sesshoumaru always took it as disappointment and disfavor and resented his father for not respecting him for his strength.

So when the stipulation was revealed that he'd have to mate in order to obtain his father's company, his birth right, it was akin to a smack in the face. The company was the last thing that he needed to truly surpass his father, to be the most powerful being alive. Sesshoumaru had no want or use of a mate, nor would he ever. It was salt in the wound that he would be passed over and the company would fall into the hands of Inuyasha, if he didn't meet said stipulations.

Sesshoumaru would not mate but knowing his father and his devotion, albeit illegitimate in Sesshoumaru's eyes, to his tie with his late wife Izayoi; Sesshoumaru negotiated to marriage. It would mean nothing to him but his father was sure to agree. Sesshoumaru would come out of the situation unscathed, although dealing with his half brother daily would be a hindrance, he could live with having him in a position of subordinate.

He didn't give it much thought. He'd respected Kagura. She was powerful enough to not ruin his reputation, malicious to an extent, cunning, and in the old days had been just as bloodthirsty as he was. The only thing she'd been lacking in was innate status. It would be a beneficial agreement for the both of them. She knew it was strictly business. He'd obtain the company and she'd gain access to his assets, finances, and the status that being aligned with him would bring. The marriage had come into being with little hassle, no ceremony, and no honeymoon. Though he'd slept with a numerous amount of females before marrying Kagura, he hadn't felt the need to that night or any since.

He procured the company after the marriage, his father stepping down, and he proceeded to run it with an iron fist. He was unrelenting, driven, he saw what he wanted and took it. Business to Sesshoumaru was a bloodthirsty endeavor and he reveled in it. He only had the company four years before his father died and Sesshoumaru had already expanded it overseas by the time his father left the land of the living.

..O..

No longer feeling pride in regards to his previous accomplishments in obtaining and advancing the company, Sesshoumaru let his office door shut with a resounding 'click'. None of it even seemed to matter anymore. He had grown too arrogant, too headstrong, believing that he could rid himself of his emotions and that he was too powerful to ever need or fall victim to said emotions. If he could have known then what he knew now, he'd have never gone through with the sham of a marriage. He would gladly give up the company for her, for Kagome.

When Sesshoumaru finally made it down to the lobby, stepping off the elevator, he saw that the car he'd informed of his late working hours was still waiting for him but he waved the driver off with a dismissing flick of his wrist. He thought that staying so late would have quelled his need to commit to his nightly bar routine but it seemed as if it wasn't to be so.

He had no desire to go home without first reenacting that night he'd first spoken to her. Mentally sighing, he gathered his resolve to face another disappointing night in which Kagome would not be by his side. He detested that he was continuing to do this to himself. He could not forget her because he'd realized she was his mate but she had to have moved on by now. She didn't have a inner beast forcing itself into her conscious and reminding her of him the way that his reminded him of her repeatedly. She had asked him to stay away and after so many months she had not returned to him. And that spoke volumes.

But still here he was walking the streets of the well-known path that would lead him to the bar that he'd become a regular at. He wondered at what point tonight he'd get that crushing reminder that Kagome was not to make an appearance and that it was all just pretend. He had no idea how all of this had come to be, it just had. Everything had happened so fast which was unprecedented for someone like him, who was meticulous and strategic. He'd always had an ulterior motive, goal, or aim in everything that he'd done. Marrying Kagura had been the prime example, it was simply a means to an end to obtain his company but that had not been the last time that he'd made such a decision.

Making a right down a smaller street, he continued towards the bar he'd come to know as Anraku, and he let his mind drift off to twenty-two years after his father died…

..O..

Sesshoumaru was of course at the height of his career. Since expanding his company, overseas business had been just as successful as that in his homeland. His power and influence had grown exponentially. He was a being motivated by power and felt that in the short twenty-six years that he'd had Tetsusaiga Industries, he was beginning to come dangerously close to obtaining all the power the business world could give him. It was time to begin preparing for what were to be his future accomplishments. The next logical step, politics.

He spoke to advisors, made plans, and much to his displeasure the angle of 'Sesshoumaru Taisho as the loving family man' had kept coming up as a way to offset his 'take no prisoners' approach to business which may have not gathered him much support in the political sphere. He of course was not willing to have a child with Kagura. That had not been a part of the original agreement and so he looked into other options. He was not sold on adoption, surely he alone would be enough to have the masses voting for him. But to appease his need to cover all his bases, he decided to entertain the possibility. Any child brought into his home would be provided for without incident, it would be an honored position to be in.

The choice to do so became something he was grateful for and the only source of shame in his existence. He was grateful that Rin had come into his life but he felt shame that essentially she'd been meant to be a ploy in his conquest for more power. He would inform her of this fact, whenever she grew old enough to ask for he was not foolish enough to believe that she wouldn't at some point. He would not lie. At the time he'd only considered adopting a demon child but had ultimately chosen Rin when he'd set eyes on her gap toothed six year old human face. It was this fact that he trusted would lessen the blow to their relationship when she found out. She had been his first real connection with any other being since his mother died. When she'd smiled at him, he'd cared momentarily what future would befall that shy orphaned little girl and so he'd adopted her in order to shape said future as he saw fit. Overtime she grew into a shy 'not so gapped toothed' eight year old girl, and he'd grown to care more strongly about her as well. She was his daughter as far as he was concerned, and his opinion was the only one that mattered after all. He felt that he owed her for being the first spark in his cold life.

..O..

Stepping down off the curb to cross the street, the sound of a car horn tore his mind away from his musings. His golden eyes flittered to the left at the noise to take in the approaching headlights and with a bland expression on his face, his sculpted suit-clad arm reached out almost leisurely. He was barely aware of the impact, as fibre glass and carbon steel bent underneath his strong fingers. Smoke seeped out from the now mangled car hood and blinking slowly, he stood still for a few moments taking in the scene. He cared little about the damage caused, the fool inside the car was to blame and should feel lucky that the car was all that was being damaged, but somehow the picture indirectly drew his mind back to Kagome and then of course his grief. Drawing his hand back, disregarding the driver, he continued on his way.

Vaguely Sesshoumaru acknowledged that he should have had at least enough pride to keep him from wallowing in his grief so long but this was Kagome he was talking about and from the beginning she'd been affecting him in unexpected ways. It wasn't until Kagome that he'd really lost a grip on who he was. He'd had no goal, no ulterior motive when it came to her. She was not a means to an end or a way to gather more power. In fact, she'd made him feel weak… out of control even. Although he'd become obsessed with reenacting the first night they'd spoken… his obsession with her had truly begun before he'd ever even learned her name. His obsession with her had started the very first time he'd heard her sing. He could remember it clearly. That very first night, him walking in to that bar, it had been a complete accident. Fate or not, he had somehow ended up in her presence.

..O..

His driver had been chauffeuring him home from a late night at the office and he'd been taking a business call, set on tying up some loose ends to a very important deal. He could still recall his annoyance as the car slowed to a stop and he watched dark smoke seep out of the hood. Insignificant quandaries such as car trouble were beneath him. Glaring at his driver as if it was somehow the man's fault, he'd grabbed his briefcase and exited the vehicle, planning to catch a cab home.

That's when he'd felt it… distress, anxiety, nervousness; feelings that he couldn't have possibly been feeling of his own accord. It took a moment to separate his own consciousness from the unfamiliar emotions running through him. Narrowing his eyes, he centered himself and set to figuring out what exactly was going on and where those feelings were coming from.

Kaichou? He glared at the establishment that seemed to be pulling at his senses. What was this place and why was it affected him?

"We will continue this discussion at a later time." He informed his business associate as he abruptly ended his call to stalk across the street. Taking no heed to the speeding cars, he crossed to the place that he could feel the disturbance emanating from. When he walked through the door, he was greeted with a smile from the brown eyed bartender behind the counter which he of course did not return, as well as the strong scent of booze, cigarette smoke, and the sound of a man's voice announcing something to the patrons. It was definitely a place that he'd have never bothered to step foot in if something had not accosted his person in such a way. He could feel whatever it was much stronger now except that it wasn't so distressing anymore. It felt more like… shock, awe, and something else he had no name for.

He turned left to sit at a table near the back by the entrance to narrow in on the source of his discomfort, although if he had to have admitted it, it wasn't so much discomforting as it was perplexing. Nothing like this had ever happened to him before. Why would he be aware of the emotions emitted from another being? It was then that he heard the electrical noises of a microphone being shuffled around and he glanced up.

At that moment, he was glad that he had chosen to sit down. He was sure that he may have stumbled or dare he even think it—fainted, as his eyes took in the sight before him. She was but a slip of a woman, a human, but every inch of her made up for it. Every inch of her was beautiful. Though small, her feminine curves were divine in a tight but classy red silken dress. Dark midnight hair pooled around her heart shaped face and over her shoulders, falling just below the swell of her breasts. Her pouty pink lips were parted slightly in front of the microphone as a dainty hand grasped it close. He could just make out her shaky breaths. And when his golden eyes became ensnared by her bright cerulean orbs focused on him, heat began a relentless assault on his body and mind. It was as if he'd been dunked in ice and then lit on fire, and still he couldn't take his eyes off of her. When he thought it couldn't have possibly gotten any worse, or perhaps he meant better, she'd begun to sing.

And then… nothing. Nothing mattered to him anymore. Nothing else but she and he and in those eternal moments his siren's voice hollowed out his cold heart and filled it with the warm melody of her voice. His beast roared to life in contentment.

And for the first time in all his many years, he'd actually been… afraid.

Which was of course preposterous, Sesshoumaru Taisho was not scared of anything. He was strong, prideful, cold, unrelenting, decisive, strategic, but he was never afraid. Except that he was at that moment because he couldn't even breathe.

After her song ended, he watched her heavy breathing as she tried to regain her composure and became aware of his own chest heaving up and down in an effort to regain his. The male who had introduced her to the crowd caught her attention and Sesshoumaru's trance was broken as her gaze lifted from his. Grabbing his briefcase, Sesshoumaru turned his back on her and left.

Days later, he was still tense. His stoic mask spoke nothing of the raging thoughts going through his head but he was uncharacteristically anxious. He had run like a coward from a girl, a small human girl, when he had never backed down from anything! And he had let her affect him. It was unfeasible. When he'd left the bar he'd aimed to avoid it like the plague for the rest of his, for all intensive purposes, immortal life but now the idea seemed repugnant. Him, hide away from a girl? It was utterly distasteful.

After a few weeks, intent on proving to himself that it had all been a fluke, that his emotional defenses had not been breached without so much as a single lifted finger, he'd gone back. And upon entering, he'd felt her watching him, felt as she approached him, and felt her emotions as they stirred within his person or perhaps this time they were his own? He couldn't tell. Somehow he had left her with his business card and phone number, and had went out of his way to learn the name of the woman he'd gone there to dismiss. Kagome. It had sounded as sweet as she smelled. He'd even asked her to sing for him again, for god's sake. What was wrong with him?

After that he'd planned on never picking up the phone but when she called a week later, he'd answered and as if he'd already premeditated it, he'd invited her to one of his hotels. Then he'd sent the green-eyed bellboy, Shippou, to retrieve her when he noticed- from staring down at her car intently from his top floor penthouse suite with his exceptionally sharp demon vision- that she had not exited her vehicle. And that night, he was almost sure he'd seduced her after she'd enchanted him with her voice for the second time. He'd taken her in the most passionate, frantic, lust filled, and demanding way that he could; and he'd been increasingly surprised when his beast rose to the surface in the middle of it. He'd only not engaged in the physical act in a little less than three decades and he was sure that not once in the many times he'd indulged in the past, had his beast ever made an appearance. Casually, he pushed those thoughts to the recesses of his mind. It had meant nothing. He had just lusted for her, surely.

He mentally cringed as her feelings of content shifted to that of despair when her fingers scraped across his wedding band. She'd condemned him for not informing her he was married though he had not hidden it, yelled at him about the significance of marriage though marriage was nothing, and even dared to question his honor for cheating on a mate that he did not even have. Though he did grow tense, his reaction should have been that of outrage but instead his beast rose to the surface to claim her lips, he gave her an explanation, and he'd merely went to take a shower. In the past, he'd killed others for irritating him less than she had. From inside his shower he could scent her tears and feel her anguish and he ignored the pull they had on him. Why should he have wanted to comfort her? She was nothing to him really, just a passing fancy, a desire that he'd sated. He hoped that perhaps things would go back to normal now. But when he heard her slam the hotel suite door in her exit, the sound reverberated through him, shaking his core. He immediately resented her leaving and himself for not demanding that she stay which he couldn't understand because he had wanted to be rid of the girl. Hadn't he?

She'd crept back into his mind repeatedly after that encounter and it wasn't until he found himself in that bar a month later, in front of her and asking her to come with him that everything had truly begun to sink in. He needed her. And although he didn't know why he needed her, it was still a revelation of sorts that he would not have accepted himself if it had not been for his overwhelming urge to apologize to her for before. He had never apologized for anything and he'd found that he couldn't even bring himself to say the words. Instead he'd chosen to show her just how sorry he was. He allowed himself to take solace in her heady scent and the taste of her desire for him but ultimately that night had been for her. He'd treasured her body, sought out her pleasure, and took away all the hurt he'd caused her. He wanted her to cry out in rapture for every tear that he'd made her shed for him and afterwards all he'd wanted to do was lay with her.

Even after that night he wasn't willing to admit anymore than that he didn't want her to flee from him. As their relationship progressed and she'd begun opening up to him, he'd found himself doing the same. She interested him, amused him, and caught him off guard so much that if she'd have been his opponent she would have come out victorious. He'd become increasingly possessive of her after he'd learned about her violent past. He did not want anyone to ever touch her again, to touch what was his. His? He realized he didn't dislike the sound of it as he should have.

His marriage was getting in the way. Kagome was hurting. He could feel her discontent every time they parted and it had begun to grow as time went on. At some point, she had become melancholy even in his presence. He'd have divorced just to appease her, but he could not yet. Kagura. She was strong willed, vindictive, and because of her intelligence… dangerous. She would not take well to being cast aside, to losing her status in the society that his influence brought her into. She'd grown attached to her life and if he had to admit it, to him. She would use all that she could to force his hand, and he realized the only thing she could use successfully was Rin. Rin. The only other thing he cared about. Kagura had been shocked that he'd grown fond of Rin, even envious, and had begun trying to use the girl to get in his good graces from the moment she'd realized it. It seemed that Kagura had lost sight of what their relationship was in that they did not have one. It had been strictly business, no more than a contract.

Sesshoumaru did not know all that Kagome meant to him until that final day. The day she'd decided that she would not continue their affair anymore. As she stood there determined, in pain, and asking him to stay away from her; he realized that he wanted her to be his forever.

Mating? It was a concept worthy of high regard to an extent but he had known it to be incompatible with his goals. Emotions made one weak, and he was a being striving for ultimate power. Mating with a human seemed even less desirable. When two demons mated they merely shared their power, bonded for eternity. If one died the other could still live on. But when a demon mated a human, the demon not only shared his power but his life. If she were to die, he would die. They could not go on living without each other. At one time he would have called it foolish, but as he was faced with losing her he realized that she was all he really wanted. It was horrible timing. Maybe if he hadn't realized it, he would have been selfish and continued pursuing their relationship, but as it turned out he could not continue to hurt his mate. He would do as she pleased to make her happy, even at the expense of his own happiness. He loved her.

He'd been carrying around that bracelet for centuries, since he was a pup. No one knew about it and he'd tried to detach himself from the last link to his mother many times before without success. It was the only thing that reminded him he was not always the emotionless being he became. Handing it over to Kagome, with his promise to her, had been easy.

..O..

Sesshoumaru could almost laugh at himself now thinking back on his life, if he could laugh without Kagome or if he wasn't so bothered by her absence in his life now. He'd shunned his feelings starting at such a young age that it had taken him forever to know just what he even felt for Kagome. He found himself wishing to see her, hold her, just one more time.

Amber eyes blinked slowly and something wet ran down Sesshoumaru's cheek. Narrowing his eyes, he raised his hand and one clawed fingertip brushed the moisture away from his satin skin. Thundering crashes above caused him to glance up into darkness. A gust of wind blew some of the strands of his silver mane astray and he watched the churning of the night sky's turmoil as heavy raindrops descended. The conditions were those he could personally relate to. Making one final right turn, his steps on the concrete brought him within sight of Anraku…

but Anraku was not what he couldn't keep his eyes off of.

Word Count: 5609

A.N: Tear or rain drop? I'll just let you decide.

Double/Triple the reviews since I wrote so much? A girl can dream, right? =] lol.