…my ghost

Hawkins, April 6 & 7, 1986

A ghost was exactly what Eddie looked like, though Chrissy knew he was only sleeping in his bed. Her chin was on the edge of his mattress, watching the rise and fall of his pale, bare chest. His hair fanned out on the pillow beneath his head, his tattoos in stark contrast to the pallor of his skin.

So did the demobat bites—or burns, rather as that was the public explanation of his wounds. She and Dustin had been lucky when they arrived at Hawkins General's ER intake that others had already been in for injuries from the earthquake and its aftershocks. The nurse had taken one look and asked if they had been in one of the fires around town that had started due to the damage. An alibi fell perfectly into their laps and Dustin and Chrissy were quick to seize it.

"If you're gonna stare that hard at me, Chris, you might as well come up here." There was a hint of humor in his tired voice, and he patted the mattress beside him. Gingerly, Chrissy climbed over him to lay beside him. She carefully laid her head on his shoulder and positioned her arm to rest on what little skin wasn't marred by the healing bites.

Ten days had passed since what the news was calling The Hawkins Disaster. Nancy, Robin, and Steve had done what the group set out to do and helped destroy Vecna. Their battle was the catalyst for the earthquake that nearly decimated Hawkins on the topside. Chrissy was lucky that her house fell on the same side of Hawkins as Eddie's; the quake had fractured many a road and land across Hawkins. The largest rift had nearly bisected the town.

That massive crevasse had also killed, and she had been told shortly after the dust settled that Jason Carver was among the dead. Chrissy had yet to tell Eddie that detail when it was her time to sit with Eddie. They all took turns—herself and Dustin; Eddie's friends from the Hellfire Club, Jeff, Gareth, and Adam; and, of course, Eddie's uncle, Wayne. He was a kindly older man who opened the trailer to all Eddie's caretakers and insisted they make themselves feel at home.

"How's Hawkins?" Eddie asked, voice rough and scratchy. He needs a drink, Chrissy thought, but his arm tightened around her shoulders when she attempted to rise to get him one. Burns wasn't too far off in terms of description for the wounds covering Eddie's body. Something in the demobat saliva had surely been corrosive. Chrissy's singular bite was healing much faster than Eddie's multitude. A new layer of fragile skin had grown over hers and it tugged and pulled with every movement of her leg.

Her demobat bite had been classified as a first-degree burn. Eddie's were diagnosed as extensive, deep second-degree burns.

Eddie's were also still largely open. They were drier now, though, no longer weeping and sticking painfully to his bedsheets. Though Wayne had tried to argue, Eddie had been sent home from the hospital after only two days. His injuries had been deemed manageable from home and he was released to make room in the hospital wards for injuries that required heavier medical intervention and monitoring.

Such as the coma Max Mayfield had been plunged into after being resuscitated. She very nearly became the fourth and final victim of Vecna.

"They officially announced school is over for the year. Seniors are getting their diplomas regardless of academic standing before the earthquake." Eddie's answering laugh rasped in his chest just as his voice had.

"Wayne's gonna be so proud I'm finally graduating." Chrissy peeked up to see Eddie's eyes had drifted shut again. Part of Eddie's homecare included heavy pain medication each night to help him sleep. It was hard for him to shake in the morning. "You got all the time in the world to spend with me, then, huh?"

"A lot of it," she hedged. "I can't come tomorrow morning, though. Dustin's gonna switch times with me. I, um, have to go to a funeral."

"Funeral?" There was a frown in Eddie's voice. She couldn't bring herself to look at his face, instead choosing to focus on the ropy, red, and swollen bite on his ribs. "Whose?"

"Jason's," she admitted, voice small and quiet. "I… I feel like I need to go."

Eddie shifted, pressing his cheek to the top of her head. While they lay quietly for a few moments, Chrissy bit hard at the inside of her cheek to keep from crying. "I know he was an ass, but I feel like he wouldn't have died if it hadn't been for me."

Lucas had told her how Jason had followed him and Max into the Creel House, hounding them all the while to reveal where Eddie and Chrissy were. The former teammates argued and nearly fought, but Lucas and Max ultimately had a job to do when it came to destroying Vecna. When Jason had gone too far in interfering with the plan, Lucas had wrestled the older boy down and tied him up to keep him out of the way. When the rift happened, Jason was powerless to move himself out of the way.

As unforgiveable as Jason's actions had been, Chrissy felt responsible for them. He wouldn't have been there, harassing Lucas and Max, if she hadn't been wrapped up in all the mess surrounding Vecna.

"Chris…"

"I know, I know. It's not for him that I'm going. It's for me." He nodded, cheek rubbing against the crown of her head.

Wayne had switched from nights to days, so that he could take care of Eddie during the night. Chrissy usually came in the mornings, relieved by Dustin around noon, and then the evenings were taken by a rotating cast of the Hellfire Club members. Part of Chrissy's mornings with Eddie involved eating breakfast. Once Eddie was able to rouse himself from his medication, he was always hungry.

Eddie had asked her to eat with him one day early on and it quickly became routine. Though he was never overt about it, he did watch to make sure Chrissy ate. Knowing she had at lease one meal each day seemed to relax him a bit. That morning, Chrissy made oatmeal for them, climbing back on Eddie's bed to sit cross-legged while she ate her share of the oatmeal.

"Jason, huh?" Eddie asked, pushing himself up with a grunt and a grimace before retrieving his bowl from the nightstand. "That's not your fault, Chrissy."

"I know." Chrissy shrugged and shook her head. "I'm not going alone; the whole cheer team is going together. Even if I didn't think I should go, I would have to."

She watched Eddie's mouth pucker, as if what he ate were sour. It didn't last long, though. In the next moment, his mouth had relaxed and he was peeking up at her through his bangs. "I'm sorry," he told her softly, genuinely. "Um, how…?"

Chrissy knew Eddie was asking for her benefit, to give her the opportunity to talk about Jason's death. Though the black eye Jason had given him had faded, Eddie's dislike of his former classmate had not, she knew. She relayed the story to Eddie as it had been told to her by Lucas and watched as his face flickered between anger and the blank 'listening' expression he was trying to maintain.

"How's Red?" Eddie asked when she finished, notably not making a comment about the tale. "Anything new?"

Chrissy shook her head. "Still the same."

That earned her another frown from Eddie. They finished their oatmeal in silence. When Chrissy returned from washing the bowls and spoons in the Munson kitchen, she laid down beside Eddie again and began reading where she left off in his copy of The Fellowship of the Ring. Their mornings spent together while Eddie healed were quiet and relaxing; unfortunately, they were often the only part of the day that Chrissy enjoyed. She didn't tell Eddie that, though, afraid that giving him any extra stress would set him back.

Knowing she wouldn't get this time tomorrow morning, Chrissy hated to leave. Dustin's knocking on the front door came all too soon. Chrissy sighed, pushing herself up and kissing Eddie chastely on the lips. He tasted like brown sugar and cinnamon from their oatmeal, a sharp contrast to the blood when she kissed him for the first time over a week ago. The kisses she gave him goodbye were always gentle. Chrissy was terrified of hurting him unintentionally while he healed.

Eddie caught her hand when she made to leave. "Hey, you owe me another one," he told her, a mischievous smile playing at the lips she had just kissed. "I won't see you tomorrow morning, remember?"

Smiling, Chrissy was all too happy to fulfill his request, ignoring Dustin as he continued to knock. Eddie reached up, weaving a hand into her loose hair to keep her close even after they broke apart. "Tomorrow? You got that, Chris. Don't worry about it, okay? You helped take down an otherworldly tentacle creep and fought scary-ass bats. You can handle a funeral."

She continued to smile, giving him a third, quick kiss while Dustin added yelling 'stop making out, you hormonal freaks' to his pounding on the front door. "Thanks, Eddie. I better go before Dustin knocks the door down."

"I'd like to see him try." Though she very much didn't want to, Chrissy grabbed her backpack and slung it over her shoulder. When she opened the door, Dustin had his hand poised for another round of knocking.

"Finally. I thought I was going to lose skin on my knuckles for the sake of your make out session."

"We were not making out." Chrissy tapped the brim of Dustin's ball cap so that it fell over his eyes. "How's the traffic today?" She nodded toward Dustin's bike leaning against the trailer. The younger boy was too young for a provisional license, even if he did drive surprisingly well the night Eddie was injured.

"Insane, like it has been since the 'accident'. Good to see you finally wised up and committed to the bike life. Gonna go be a good Samaritan like Steve and Robin and help out at the foodbank?"

Hearing Dustin call her a good Samaritan made her stomach twist with guilt. It wasn't so much that Chrissy had a desire to serve the community as it was that she looked for any and every reason to avoid spending more time at home than necessary.

"Yeah, did you just leave there?"

"Mhmm, have fun sorting through canned vegetables while Robin makes rankings for which are decent and which 'taste like the bottom of Steve's shoe'."

"Why… do I want to know?" Chrissy asked, wrinkling her nose.

"It involves Robin and Steve getting drugged by Russian agents. Maybe they'll tell you sometime if you ask nicely." Dustin smiled brightly at her as he stepped into the house, leaving her perplexed as she climbed onto her own bike. The gym at Hawkins High School had been designated as the place for aid. Already there had been clothing donations, toy donations, a soup kitchen every other day, and today the foodbank. Chrissy rode out of Forest Hills Trailer Park and through as many streets as she could before the traffic became too congested and she opted for shortcuts through the woods instead.

With all the damage done by the earthquake and subsequent rifts, what roads were still usable in Hawkins were easily choked with cars and near standstill traffic jams. Chrissy much preferred the cool spring air and the soft, new green leaves of the trees. Her bike tires crunched over old leaves not yet fully decomposed from the fall and fallen twigs. She smiled to herself when she passed the picnic table where Eddie had first met her, when she thought drugs would help with her issues. When Chrissy reached the football field behind the school, she dismounted her bike and walked it across the field, slipping into the open gate and stepping foot onto a campus that felt entirely different to her now. It wasn't quiet by any means, but it was no longer bustling with students. Those who both survived the quake and had chosen to remain in Hawkins now used the high school as a refuge from the hardships of rebuilding the town as much as it was a balm for the needy in the community.

Just as Dustin had said, it was easy to find Robin and Steve inside the gym, sorting canned goods from huge boxes bearing the local grocer's logo. "Hey."

"Oh, hey, Chrissy!" Robin was quick to greet her with a hug. "How's Eddie today?"

"Getting better. He's just restless. His uncle won't let him get out of bed until a doctor says his bi—burns are healed enough." By habit, Chrissy grazed her fingers over her own bandaged bite, though it was concealed by her jeans.

Steve had greeted her with a small wave. She was tempted to ask about his own bites, but no one but their group of Upside Down voyagers knew Steve was injured. He seemed fine, though, easily lifting the heavy boxes of canned goods onto the tables for them to start sorting through. It was nice, repetitive work, and kept Chrissy's mind busy until it was time for her weekly appointment with Ms. Kelly.

Though the school had closed, the counselor was kind enough to keep her door open to her students. With Ms. Kelly, she could talk about Jason openly.

"I just… I feel a lot of guilt about him dying," Chrissy told her counselor. "He was looking for me, Lucas said. Him and Max, th-they were the last ones to see Jason alive."

"Looking for you was Jason's own choice," Ms. Kelly reminded her mildly. "Had you not already made it clear to him that you no longer wanted a relationship with him?"

"I did," Chrissy confirmed, voice gone small.

"And did you give him any cause to think that his continued efforts would be appreciated?"

"No, but… that's not even why he was looking for me. It was because of Eddie… Munson," she tacked on belatedly. "Do you know him?"

Ms. Kelly smiled softly at that. "I've heard of Eddie Munson, yes. Are you telling me Jason was jealous of Eddie?" Here, Chrissy shook her head emphatically, her mouth twisting into a frown.

"No, he was convinced Eddie is a Satanist because he plays that Dungeon and Dragons game with his friends." Chrissy balled her sleeves in her fists. "He wasn't really looking for me out of any concern for me, he wanted to make a point about Eddie. Jason, um, before he d-died, he told my parents Eddie kidnapped me."

"But you did run from home," Ms. Kelly prompted her. Chrissy's head bobbed in nod.

"I did. Everything was just… too much. Spring break was too much. Too much time at home, I mean. It wasn't a good way to handle things. I know that."

"Chrissy…" Ms. Kelly raised her eyebrows expectantly.

"You don't apologize for taking care of yourself in the way you need to in the moment. I know, I know." Carefully, she tucked one of her legs beneath her, trying not to flinch at the way her healing skin tugged and stung. "But, um, I'm going to Jason's f-funeral tomorrow. I… I think it will be good for me. Healing."

Ms. Kelly made a quick note on the pink paper she had always used for Chrissy's sessions. "We can talk about that next week…?"

"Yes, please." Chrissy nodded. "Do you, um… do you think it's a good idea for me to go?"

"I think you should trust what you think is best for yourself. You said you think attending will be healing?" Ms. Kelly waited for Chrissy to nod again before continuing. "Then trust that feeling. A funeral is closure. You may not feel you've gotten that where Jason is concerned if you don't go."

Mrs. Kelly had been right.

In the morning, Chrissy pulled a black dress over her head. Despite the warming spring weather, she added black tights so that no one would see the large, square bandage on her thigh. Chrissy pulled her hair back into a ponytail, wrapping it back on itself and pinning it into a bun. Makeup, she decided, probably wasn't for the best. She slipped out of the house without encountering her mother—who she had begged not to attend the funeral—or Caleb.

She didn't eat breakfast.

But she did slide into the passenger seat of Bailey Richards' car. Her fellow cheerleader greeted her with a watery smile. "Ready for today?"

Jason had done Chrissy a singular kindness in telling only her parents that Eddie was a kidnapping Satanist. Despite her mother's caustic tone—do you know what's being said?—it had only 'been said' once by Jason. The rest of Hawkins, blessedly, didn't see Eddie in the light Jason had cast, nor did they know that Chrissy had broken up with Jason.

Chrissy tried to return Bailey's smile and gave her arm a comforting squeeze. "We'll get through it." She tried to believe the words she gave to her friend. It was easier to do so sitting outside her own house, but as they drew closer to the church, Chrissy was increasingly thinking herself a liar.

The scent of white roses was as cloying as it was nauseating inside the church. Most of the pews were full; the cheer team all sat together toward the middle, across the aisle from the basketball team.

Lucas was notably not in attendance.

Chrissy followed Bailey to the pew full of their teammates and tucked her hands beneath her thighs when they sat down. Jason's casket was white as the roses covering the—thankfully—closed top. A preacher spoke for the better part of an hour. Chrissy was sure he espoused what a good person Jason had been, detailed his accolades in sports and academics, and recited a few relevant scriptures. All she could hear, though, was a ringing in her ears.

That ringing turned to a dull roaring when the gathered mourners were prompted to approach the casket and say their final goodbyes. Chrissy stood but pressed herself against the pew, letting her teammates file out in front of her. She hung back until the end, until her classmates had left and the only people lingering in the church were Jason's family members. They knew she was still there; Jason's mother nodded to her, tears streaming down her face, inviting Chrissy to go to the coffin before they did.

You got this, Eddie's voice reminded her. Taking a deep breath, Chrissy forced her legs to move, to carry her down the aisle. The lacquered, white lid was cool beneath her palms when she laid her hands on it. She took another deep breath, inhaling the sickeningly strong smell of the roses. Jason didn't smell like roses, she thought to herself. Another inhale and she could almost convince herself that she was smelling Ralph Lauren Polo cologne instead: basil and thyme, coriander and leather.

Bisected. That's what the largest rift had done to Hawkins. To Jason. Her stomach twisted painfully to think what he must look like beneath the lid of the coffin. She hoped it had been a quick death. Chrissy dipped her forehead, resting it between her hands, taking several deep breaths in an attempt to keep herself calm. The tears fell hot but quietly down her face when she closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "You were…" A lot of things, most of them not that good. "You didn't deserve to die," she settled on.

A handful of minutes passed before Chrissy managed to raise her head. There had been tissues in the pews, but up here, she had nothing save the back of her hand to wipe her nose on. She swiped at her cheeks, trying to get rid of the tears that continued to fall. Chrissy meant to turn away, to retreat down the aisle and out the church doors, but a hand caught her by the wrist.

Jason's mom pulled her into a tight hug before she had the chance. A heavy, monumental wave of guilt crashed over Chrissy and ripped a sob from her throat. The same hand cradled her head, pressed it into a shoulder. She didn't deserve this comfort being offered to her, yet she clung to Jason's mother all the same.

With dried tear tracks on her cheeks, Chrissy stepped into the Munson trailer still wearing her funeral attire and with a bag of takeout in her hand. The Chinese buffet was one of the few surviving restaurants in Hawkins. Chrissy wasn't sure Eddie even liked Chinese, but she knew she didn't have the energy or the focus to make something for him that afternoon.

She slipped her heels off in the doorway and padded down the hallway in her stocking feet to find Eddie and Dustin in a very heated game of speed.

"You little fucker," Eddie snapped, sitting up in his bed across from Dustin. "Does it feel good to beat an injured man?"

"It feels glorious," Dustin told him, collecting the cards between them to shuffle between his hands again. The younger boy gave a smile, one of his big ones that swallowed his eyes in the folds of his cheeks. "You want a turn at beating the injured man, Chrissy?"

"No, but I brought you guys food," she said, lifting the large bag. Eddie raised his eyebrows at her so that they disappeared behind his bangs. "I mean, I brought us all food," she amended. "Feel like breaking Wayne's rules today, Eddie?"

By necessity, Eddie was only ever clothed in his boxers. His bites needed to breathe, according to the doctor, not to mention that the fabric could irritate the healing skin. Dustin only grumbled a little about helping an almost-nude Eddie down the hallway to the kitchen where Chrissy was placing various containers around the table. She retrieved plates for each of them from the cabinets, already used to the Munson trailer.

Eddie grunted when he took a seat in the hard, wooden chair. We should have grabbed him a pillow, she thought. One look at the wide smile on Eddie's face, his eyes brighter than they had been since before the demobat attack, erased all Chrissy's worries. She found herself smiling brightly in response.

The three of them ate fried rice and lo mein noodles, sweet and sour chicken and egg drop soup. Dustin regaled them with stories of his past adventures concerning the Upside Down. The venture from his bed put Eddie in a triumphant mood but also exhausted him. It took Dustin and Chrissy both to get him back in his bed.

Dustin left after that, leaving Chrissy and Eddie alone in the trailer for a few hours before Wayne returned from work. Just as she did on their mornings together, Chrissy fitted herself carefully to Eddie's side.

"How was today?" They asked each other at the same time, leaving them both laughing.

"I can't complain," Eddie told her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"I survived," Chrissy gave her answer, snuggling her cheek into his shoulder. They were both worn out by their days. Chrissy watched the rhythm of his breathing, enjoying how her warm he was beside her. She had felt cold the entire day until now.

Sleep came over her before Chrissy could give a thought to fight it.