Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or its characters. They are the sole property of Takahashi Rumiko

-To Sip of Black Velvet-

Chapter 21: The Bottom of the Bottle

Thanks to my beta, White Luna! =]

The streets were quiet and dark, filled with a melancholy atmosphere that pulled at my senses. A melancholy atmosphere that tricked me into thinking about the same things that I wanted to forget right now, the things that hurt me and had led me into taking this late night drive in search of the perfect bar in the first place.

There were so many things reeling in my head. Naraku always lurked somewhere in the darkest confines of my mind but even after his reappearance and the constant reminders of his presence, whether it be from my nightmares or the news, Sesshoumaru was still maintaining the majority of my focus. Perhaps that was because I'd never felt more safe then when I'd been wrapped up in his arms or because Naraku could never break me the way I'd already broken myself in distancing myself from him but I didn't have time to think about that right now, right now I had to get a drink to ease my pain, my uneasiness, and I'd just passed another bar.

Sighing, I turned right down a small street I'd never been on before. I guess it wasn't so bad that I was somewhat getting more lost with every turn of my steering wheel because at least I'd know that had Naraku been learning the places I frequented, he surely wouldn't find me tonight. Besides, I didn't want to waste my time out by myself, my much needed alone time, too quickly anyway. So I decided that the hectic drive back would be something like a blessing in disguise.

Up ahead I could see a neon sign flickering and so I parked my car close to a small seemingly indistinguishable bar from the many that I'd driven by on my ride. Shutting and locking the car door behind me, I walked a little until I could glance inside. There was something about this one that was almost inviting though I couldn't really put my finger on why. Anraku? I read the sign again before pushing open the glass door. Chimes jingled to announce my entry and a few heads turned my way. But luckily, I didn't recognize anybody that I knew.

I walked up to the bar and sat on an equally inviting wooden stool that was set closest to the exit. Taking my jacket off, I laid it across my lap, smoothing it out absentmindedly. Gazing around in a mockery of leisure that I did not really feel, I took in the room. It was hazy and smoke filled and there was a rather dry and gloomy atmosphere that if I had to admit it, only complimented myself. A few moments passed and I watched the bartender's back as she made drinks for some of the other customers. I waited silently and before long the bartender strolled over towards me with a smile on her face. I noticed that it didn't quite reach her foggy blue eyes.

"Hey hun, is there something I can get for you?" She asked me, lowering her eyes from mine to the counter in front of me as she began wiping it down.

"A Black Velvet please." I answered while at the same time taking in her appearance. She looked like she belonged in the bar too and for some reason I felt comfortable in her presence, like she was an old friend.

"Interesting." She stated quietly as her head cocked to the side just a bit, her eyes still focused solely on the counter. "I thought I'd finally get a night off without having to make one of those." She finished wiping and looked up at me smiling a disturbingly knowing smile as she strolled off before adding. "I guess not."

'Okay… that was kind of strange' I thought to myself briefly as I stared after the woman but as she began mixing the contents expertly, I shrugged off the feeling. All that mattered was relieving me of my grief. Grief? Was that the word I was looking for? It didn't seem serious enough, threatening to my soul enough, to define how I felt on the inside.

Before I could try to think of a better word, she returned and placed the murky amethyst drink in front of me. The clank of the glass as it hit the wooden counter was like someone introducing me to air for the first time. I thanked her and then ran my fingertips down the side of the cold glass before gripping it. Swirling it around a few times, I watched the contents mix and then brought it to my lips. It was strong and bitter. It tasted just the way I liked it.

I let the sounds of the bar become muffled in my ears to recede into my own mind. How had my even life come to this? Was it some cosmic joke that my life had to continuously be filled with strife? Not only was I not allowed the future that I wanted so badly, the daiyoukai who'd stolen my heart, but the past had even reared its ugly black haired red eyed head again. It was all so unfair. My heart was heavy and my chest heavier with the ever present fear of Naraku. Fate was too cruel. I took another sip of my drink.

"What's your name?"

The question pulled me out of my own head and I looked up from the glass of burning liquid. "Huh?"

"I asked your name." The bartender said, smiling gently.

"Oh… it's Kagome." I answered.

"That's a pretty name." She said, leaning down so that her elbows rested comfortably on the counter. "A pretty name for a pretty girl who spends her time sitting in dim ugly bars… "She leaned in closer. "What exactly do you think you're doing here?"

"Excuse me?" I asked, feeling vulnerable though I didn't know why. "I'm getting a drink just like everyone else." I said gesturing to the other patrons in the bar.

"That's not why you're here." She stated confidently, backing away from me and standing upright. "You're here for the same reason he comes here."

"I don't know what you're talking—

"Look," She said gently, cutting me off, "Just think about what it is you truly need because believe me it isn't that drink."

She gave me a look that I couldn't exactly decipher. It held pity, sadness, and perhaps even a hint of envy but before I could ask her about what she'd said or anything else, she walked off.

I continued to sit there, my fingers digging into the jacket still sitting in my lap, anxious. What was she even talking about? I knew what I needed. I needed to come here and get a drink to- to what? Feel better? To forget my problems? To dull the ache in my heart?

I picked up the glass and took another sip before lowering it to the counter again. Perhaps, I'd get another drink after I was done with this one, and another one after that. Maybe then I would stop hurting, stop being afraid. That's what I truly wanted and really I could just pour the bitter liquid down my throat all night because there wasn't anything else I could do.

The only person who could embrace me and take all my fears away… the only person who could understand the loss, the pain I felt, was not a person at all and I could never turn to him... because I'm the one who pushed him away. Granted I'd been hurting at the time, only having half of him hurt more than only having half of myself would have, and I'd felt guilty, taking from him the love I felt that he should have been giving to his wife… though he disagreed.

Does he resent me for it? The thought slithered its way into my thoughts. It was me he'd proclaimed his love for… me, whom he'd declared his intent to mate with a warmth in his eyes that I was sure no one had ever known and still I'd turned my back on him. Turned my back and let him give his word to me to stay away knowing that he would never break it, leaving him to endure the pain and loss for so long.

At least I assumed that's what he was feeling for it was exactly what I felt still.

But even so, I wouldn't have changed it, my decision. I couldn't. If we had truly been meant to be together than we would have been, right? Fate would have allowed it. But if we weren't meant to be then why did it still hurt so bad? It seemed like I could never stop loving him but it wasn't that which made me sad it was that I didn't ever want to. I didn't want to forget how complete he had made me feel, how safe, how at home it felt to be in his arms. Did he feel the same? Did he still love me as well?

As if on cue, the bracelet on my wrist gleamed in the dull lights of the bar bringing a small smile to my lips. 'He said that I would always be his mate. He loved me.' my mind supplied before adding cruelly 'but if he doesn't now it would be all my fault.'

My heart seized in my chest at the thought that he might not love me anymore and instinctively I reached for my glass again, seeking to reduce the pain.

But when I sat the drink back down, I couldn't help but eye it cautiously. My lipstick had left a print on the glass. Of course it had been doing that all night but the more that I looked at it now… the more it mocked me.

It said, forever.

It spoke of the rest of my life.

I was stuck in the same way that the color was stuck to the glass… stuck in my grief. Sipping on drinks did nothing but dull it. Dulled the pain of being away from him, dulled the pain of facing the next day, dulled the anticipation of Naraku's next attempt to take me. But that's all it did. I thought that I was biding time, letting the drink calm me in the moments where I was sure I'd lose myself, hoping that my grief would lessen over the days, the weeks, the months, but everyday… every morning the pain was the same, never lessened, and I'd just repeat the same thing all over again.

Pointless.

I had looked to the drink for comfort but it never could have comforted me. Only he could and fate made it so that we could not be. Fate stood between a daiyoukai and a miko, and fate was the one thing neither one of us could ever fight against.

With an anger that I blamed solely on the cold hands of fate, I pushed the glass away from me and watched it fall. With it fell the rest of my strength because I knew that the only plan I'd had to keep myself sane with all that I had to bear had been in that drink. I watched it fall, wondering if my grief will have consumed me by the time it reached the ground, wondering if Naraku will have sensed that I'd given up and finally come for me. I watched the drink fall until the sharp pieces broke away from each other… the amethyst liquid left to race across the floor at my feet.

And then I got up and put my jacket on.

"Have a goodnight Kagome." The bartender's voice called out from behind me even as she bent down, her brown hair rolling over her shoulders, to clean up the mess I'd left in my wake.

I turned around to apologize to her for what extra work my outburst had caused but then I noticed that she actually looked happy, her face bore the first smile that I'd seen actually reach her dark blue eyes.

"You too—"

"It's Sara." She supplied me with the information I'd been seeking.

I nodded.

"Then I hope you have a goodnight as well Sara." I stated just before the chimes announced my departure.

…O…

Sara sat cleaning up the amethyst drink that the girl had pushed away with disgust. It was the same one that had kept him coming to the bar for months now, he who could have stolen her heart if he had all but asked for it.

Though he never spoke to her about his problems or what he was going through like most of the patrons in the bar seemed to, she could still see the anguish held behind the impassive gaze of his amber eyes. It was all too familiar to her. She was one who always wanted what she could never have but even to her it seemed wrong that someone so obviously strong… so graceful… so beautiful should have to endure it. She wished that she could have been the one to undo what was causing his discomfort or at least have been the one he could share his thoughts with but she didn't overstep her boundaries and he'd never given her an opening to.

When the cerulean eyed midnight haired girl had entered the bar the only day that he had ever been absent, ordering his drink, taking the place of where his solemn aura always sat, Sara had at once known that this girl was the reason. She was the one who held his heart… the other half of his grief, she was just as crestfallen as he always seemed though it shown plainly on the girl. With her, Sara saw her one chance to help him . Kagome… she was lovely but still Sara couldn't help feeling a tad envious knowing that the girl had the stoic and beautiful silver haired taiyoukai devoted to her so completely. It was something Sara felt she would never know. He was unapproachable, untouchable, forbidden even but she could help him… by helping the girl.

Sara was hoping that her words would bring the girl out of her disillusion. It was obvious to her that the two needed each other, not the drink that they were using to feed their wounds. Sara didn't know what had come between them but she did know that there was no escaping love bound as tightly as it seemed to be around the two. Maybe now… the girl had realized it also.

..O…

The rain pelted down on me as soon as I exited out the glass door.

I didn't really know what to do, where to go from here. It was like I'd made it to the end of the line, or the bottom of the bottle, I thought ironically. I would get in my car, drive back to the apartment, and then what?

My heart was still heavy and I was still as afraid, as lost as I had been before I ever stepped into Anraku, only now I was also left feeling hopeless and vulnerable.

Heavy steps led me to my car. When I arrived, I reached in to my jacket pocket to retrieve my keys but with added help from the rain they slipped out of my fingers to plummet to the pavement.

Bending down with a sigh, I had just felt the metal against my fingertips when I was jerked back violently. Quickly my mind registered rough hands and black hair before mentally screaming at me that it was Naraku. This was it. Maybe he really had sensed how lost I was… knew that this would be the perfect time… that—

My thoughts were cut short when I found myself once again alone on the dark street. Confused, my heart pulsing frantically, I hastily picked myself up from off the street from which I'd fallen so suddenly. When I shakily made it on to my two feet, my eyes rapidly tried to focus on my surroundings.

Through the haze of the dark, the rain, and the blood pumping in my veins I managed to make out the black haired assailant. But what I didn't expect to see was that he was pinned up against a wall, eyes wide with fright, with a clawed hand wrapped fiercely around his neck.

Word Count: 2736

A.N: Yes I know cliffhanger BUT since this is an in-between chapter and one that gave me immense problems (still wasn't exactly happy with it but could not stand to stare at it any longer lol) you will have the next chapter in no more than two days! It's basically done, I keep changing a word or two here and there, but I'm extremely pleased with it and I hope you guys will be too. =]

Leave a review if you don't mind, I surely don't. lol.

-E.C.