Ch. 9

I woke up to the familiar chime of my phones' alarm going off and people talking in the kitchen. That nap should have been longer. I'm just, if not more tired than when I had first laid down. I slowly sat up and opened my eyes and was met with the blurry vision of sleeping on my face. I rubbed my eyes some and turned my head to stare into the kitchen. I could see two figures, one I knew was Lud and the other was either mom or Roma… they do look exactly the same from the back so. My head bobbed as I tried to keep my groggy self awake. I don't think anyone really noticed that I was awake because they were talking about me. Once I heard the voices, I was able to tell that it was my mom that was with Lud in the kitchen.

"Bouillabaisse, oh I haven't had this in years. It's as if Feli read my mind. I've been wanting to make this for weeks now and couldn't get the courage to make it because the last time I had it was the day that… Ah, you don't need that story. It's been a while and I didn't want to mess it up so I never tried to make it again. After all, I was just the helper when he made it. But at least Feli knows how to make it, and I'm happy he knew what I wanted."

"I'm going to take a guess this 'he' you're referring to is your husband? From everything you've said, your husband sounds amazing. I'm not going to pry but, I am curious as to what happened to him…"

There was a long pause as I could hear someone taking the lid of the pot and stirring the stew inside.

"It was seven years ago, when my husband when out to get the ingredients to make this. Back in Italy, we never needed to worry about things going on in the streets after dark. It wasn't even that late in the evening. When he was out, robbers grabbed him and beat him for every cent he had on him, and afterward, they shot him. Roma, Feli and I waited for hours until we received a call from the police station saying they found him dead in a corner… not too long after that, we moved here to America to get a new beginning, yet I'm pretty sure the past still haunts everyone…"

"I'm sorry… I… I didn't think that…"

"It's okay sweetie, you live here, and you have a right to know."

I buried my head back into the couch. That has to be the worst way to wake up from a nap. Mom was right though; the past still haunts me. Dang, this Friday has just been pulling on everyone's heartstrings. I debated whether or not if I should get up from the couch or wait until they went back upstairs. I could hear someone walking closer to where I was so I decided to stay buried in the couch.

A warm hand placed itself on to my shoulder and then a slight nudge to get me to wake up. I pulled my head from the couch and looked at who's hand was on me. 'Ludwig', I said to myself.

"Your mother cannot wait for dinner to be ready. She seems to be exhilarated that you decided to make your father's dish." He smiled as he talked to me.

I guess I had done something great today, at least that was one good thing about today since everything else seems to have torn at everyone's heartstrings, except Roma's, he's just bitter. I slowly sat up and Lud just watched as I tried to stand up way to fast. The blood felt like it rushed to my feet and I became extremely light headed. I fumbled over myself and Lud tried to help me out. He ended up grabbing the back of my collar and yanking me by it to keep me standing. I just looked up at him just like how a cat would look at you when you grab it by the scruff. And then I nervously chuckled as he loosened his choking grip on my collar. I pulled on my shirt a little to fix it and then walked passed him, while my face decided to start turning red. 'I'm just a clumsy fool that can't get over a little crush…. Huuuuuu.'

I opened the pot of simmering stew, gave it a stir or two and took a deep whiff of the beautiful aroma that bubbled off of it. It was done, and I couldn't wait to have mom try it. It's been some time since I've made this, and I don't really know the taste anymore, but I know that if I remember everything correctly, this was going to be amazing. Lud is going to be more than impressed.

And I think Lud noticed how happy I was looking over a simmering pot of food and just walked up to me and put his hand on the back of my neck. "That smells really good Feli, and if it's done, I'll set the table for you."

Without looking up from the pot, I just nodded and then he opened the door to the glasses, plates, and bowls and grabbed four of everything except plate of course. I could hear the bowls and glasses going on to the table one by one and then he came back to grab spoons and napkins. I heard those go on the table as well. I just continued to stare into my simmering Bouillabaisse and then I remembered that the bread still needed to be sliced. I grabbed a cutting board from the cupboard next to the oven and placed it down. I grabbed the loaf of bread and a bread knife from the knife block and sliced it into perfect sandwich slices. Lud came up from behind me and asked,

"Do you want the whole pot to be put on the table?"

Again, I just nodded. He just grabbed the pot by the handles and carried it over where he placed it on a hot pad on the table. I carried the whole cutting board over to the table and then called everyone, "Hey dinner's ready!"

Mom and Roma both walked down the stairs, sat in their regular seats and just looked at me.

"Honey, thank you for making dinner. It looks amazing." I nodded at my mother and then slightly looked over at Roma, who looked like he was just about to crack a smile and maybe even cry.

"If it's not good as papa's then I'll be pissed, you hear me?"

"Yes, Roma." I said.

Everyone served themselves. Smiles filled the room yet no one was really talking. I felt like peace every bite I took. It tasted exactly how father made it. 'Damn, I really missed this taste. I needed this. I think mom needed it too.' I looked at my mom, who looked like she was ready to cry every bite she took, but she seemed happy. Roma on the other hand almost cried. He might have let a few tears pass while I wasn't looking. Everyone had looks of happiness.

And then just like that, dinner was over. I was doing the dishes with Lud and we were jamming out to one of his favorite songs from back home.

"Feli, that was very good. If it's as good as how your father made it, then you both are amazing at what you do."

I could feel my ears going red, "Thank you. It means a lot. I want to make everyone in the house as happy as possible. I haven't been doing that lately because of…." I didn't know how to end the sentence… I didn't know why I had started it. I found myself in a hole that I didn't mean to dig. I could tell Lud was waiting for the end of my sentence but I couldn't think of any excuse, anything to get myself out of my own words. "You know because I've been trying to make sure you know your way around the school and know where home is and all of that! You know?!" I tried so hard not to start nervously laughing at the end of my sentence.

Lud just nodded and I felt as if he didn't believe that's how my sentence was going to go at all. "Ya…"

I wanted to punch myself in the face. I finished washing the last bowl and gave it to Lud to dry. I immediately tried to walk away. Lud dried and put the bowl away and followed me up to the stairs and into my room.

"You're really bad at lying, I hope you know that."

I turned around with my face already red from embarrassing myself too many times today. "Ya, I do know that! I've never been good at it and my lying gets worse when I talk to a person I-I… I…"

I had done it again, put myself in a situation that I can't just walk my way out of. I sighed and sat down at my desk and I put my head down on it.

"A person you what?" Lud put his hand on my shoulder like he always does.

I mumbled into my desk

"What?" I could feel Lud getting closer so he could hear me.

I mumbled again.

"This is more than frustrating. Why can't you just tell me? Is it that bad if I know? is it because of what happened today? I thought we had come passed this mess of you not being able t talk to me."

I could feel tears forming in my eyes. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to tell him. I almost told him when we got home today. I've almost told him so many other times today. I could feel myself getting ready to explode out of frustration. Lud kept going on and on and then, I stood up from my desk, staring him straight in the face, with my face as red as can be, tears in my eyes,

"A person I like! Like more than just a friend!" I felt cold the moment I let those words out. My face no longer as red as it was but still pink.

His face looked just as shocked as I thought it would when I told him. Thought I never planned on yelling it in his face. "Oh, ok, I see, I… um… I see…"

He turned away from me, paused for a second, and then left my room and turned the door frame to go to his room.

I had never felt so devastated and crushed. I didn't know what to do or say, so I just face-planted into my bed and cried, till I passed out.