Chapter 33
No Going Back
"Kael, I…I have a confession to make."
A visible shudder rippled across Elena's shoulders as she spoke. Her eyes, once directly fixed upon him, began to waver and her gaze slowly drifted away while her breaths grew heavier.
"About what?" Kael asked. Her lips now began to shake as she tried to form words.
"That vision we shared," she sighed, swallowing nervously and doing her best to continue. "It wasn't a vision of the future. Rather, it took place in the past."
It's done.
There's no going back now.
Only…forward…
Her chest tightened and her heart began to pound faster and faster. She feared to even look up at his eyes anymore, those eyes that widened with each passing second. Once regarded as a source of mutual strength, their bond through the Force now felt like a curse, each able to feel the other's pain as if it was their own.
"The…the past? But how can that—"
"It's true. My fiancé who was lying in pain, bleeding and on the verge of death wasn't you, Kael. It was…it was…" She spun around unexpectedly and cried into her knees, with one hand hovering over her neck.
Anguish, disappointment, or betrayal? Kael simply couldn't tell just what emotions were running through his mind as Elena began to tear at his heart with her words. With a deep sigh, he looked at her and spoke. "Elena, if you don't want to talk about it now, I'll understand. Just…whenever you're ready, I'd like to hear it. You don't have to be afraid."
"No," she huffed, turning around to face him again. "I have to say it now. I can't keep putting it off anymore. It's time I told the truth."
He wanted to smile at her in order to give her strength, but he couldn't. Even after the toughest sparring sessions in which he'd have the living daylights knocked out of him by Bastila and he thought himself to be a lost cause, to have Elena visit him in his room to give him words of encouragement and that ever-heartening smile was enough to convince him that he'd make it in the end. But now, when Elena was in shambles, he couldn't smile at her. A small part of him even groaned that he didn't want to, that it was right that she felt so ashamed of what she had done, keeping him in the dark for so long.
No, he thought, exhaling and closing his eyes. I love this woman. I must at least hear her out.
"Go on," he said, feeling lines etch across his brow as he forced himself to make the smallest of smiles to reassure her.
"This pendent," she began, holding the wooden necklace out in front of her, "I've already told you that it was Revan who gave it to me, yes?"
He nodded. "That you did. You also said that…you loved him."
A single tear trickled down from her left eye. "You can connect the dots now. I don't need to say anymore."
Kael looked away and stared at his feet. The conclusion was so obvious to come to, but he willed himself not to come to it. He refused to believe it. Refused to even think for a moment that it was possible.
The pendent…
The one who gave it to her…
The dream…
"You were…Revan's fiancé?" he sighed, looking at the cold, dim wall ahead of him.
"Yes," she finally admitted, grasping and staring down at the pendent around her neck. "I was going to marry him. This pendent…it's not just a treasured gift from Revan – it was his engagement present to me. Then the war took him from me. Turned him into something else."
"Then what was the dream about?" he asked, more and more frustration creeping into his voice as the truth began to settle into his mind.
"The strike team of Bastila, myself and two other Jedi Knights engaged Revan in a duel. In the blink of an eye, Revan killed them both before we could react. We fought for a while, and while he had so many opportunities to overwhelm and kill us, he never did."
"He loved you," Kael comprehended. "He couldn't bear to hurt you. But…what about Bastila? Why didn't he hurt her? Did he want her for her battle meditation, like Malak does?"
"No. Bastila's battle meditation wouldn't have made a difference when it came to Revan's decision. Rather, it was because he loved us both very much. Bastila looked up to him as a mentor. After Bastila's original master died and I became her new instructor, Revan played a large role in fostering her learning. The three of us…we were family."
"And you just gave him up to the Jedi Council? You let him die just like that?" Kael said incredulously, remembering Elena and Bastila's recount of events while they were walking to the Hidden Bek base on Taris.
"What other choice of option did we have, while Malak was blowing the ship to bits?" Elena glared back. "Do you really think that I wanted him to be captured and executed? Don't you think that I would've wanted to talk to him to understand why he did what he did, and also try to bring him back?"
Seeing that he hit a sore spot, Kael didn't press further. After such a miserable and torrid night, the last thing he wanted was to rub salt in Elena's wounds by compounding her sorrow. "I'm sorry. I should've known better. I know you're not the kind of person who would ever do that to someone she cares about."
"I'm…sorry for snapping at you too, Kael. It's just difficult for me to talk about this. Please don't tell anyone anything about what we've just talked about, except for Bastila. I'll have to tell them all eventually, but…just not now."
"Well," Kael exhaled deeply, "this answers a lot of the questions that have been floating in my head for some time. Still, there's one issue that's still troubling me."
"Yes?"
"Ever since I woke from my coma on Taris, you've been very close to me. On both occasions I was unconscious after battle, you not only treated me but slept kneeling by my bedside while holding my hand. I did save your life on the Endar Spire, yes, but I still never quite understood why you did what you did."
"It's difficult for me to explain," Elena replied, rubbing her temple. "Since we first met, you've always tried to protect me even though you weren't a Jedi back then. You're so filled with confidence even in the darkest times, and you never hesitate to put yourself in danger in order to save others. It's just like…like…"
"Like Revan?" Kael moaned slightly, looking away.
"Y—!" she started to exclaim, but immediately quietened down upon seeing his disappointed face. She had misspoken. Badly.
"You love me…because I remind you of Revan?" Kael smiled bitterly, his eyes devoid of happiness despite what his lips read.
"Kael, please don't think of it like that."
"It's alright. Believe me, it's alright," he looked at her, fighting down the urge to punch the wall behind him. "It's barely been a year since your fiancé was taken from you forever. You're still attached to him, and it's difficult for you to forget him. I…I think we're done here." He rose to his feet and began to walk away, his footsteps barely audible.
"Kael, wait!" Elena called out to him.
"It's been a long day, Elena," he whispered back, not even bothering to look behind him. "You should get some rest as well. We'll have to move out first thing in the morning."
Elena's whole body began to shake, as she suddenly came to fear the future consequences of her brash words. Her legs felt like iron weights, and she was unable to get herself to return to the portside dorm. She collapsed onto her knees, her arms drooping by her sides as she stared down and began to cry openly, bemoaning herself for breaking Kael's heart.
-o-
"Pathetic," was the single word that escaped from Krieg's lips as he sighed and shook his head, sorely disappointed by the lacklustre resistance offered to him to yet another contingent of the Republic fleet. The resistance was shoddy to say the least, disorganised in both attack and formation, as if the fleet was hastily organised at the last minute. Serroco, hardly a prize, was already won. The dead planet would serve as little more than a marking on the galaxy map to signify another important chokepoint taken.
Opting to ignore the sight of the remaining Republic vessels which attempted to make a last-ditch jump to hyperspace before being blasted into oblivion, Krieg turned his attention to the central console in order to observe the overall progress of the war. Message after message of victory lit up the display, with the live-feed map of the galaxy showing any and all gains across all sectors of the galaxy.
1559 GST: Republic fleet at Bellassa defeated by Rear-Admiral Daelin: 86 vessels lost; 141 enemy vessels destroyed.
1622 GST: Republic relief force at Serroco routed by Vice-Admiral Krieg: 35 vessels lost; 162 enemy vessels destroyed – final statistics yet to be determined.
1635 GST: Enemy fleet engaged at Zeltros by Admiral Karath. Battle ongoing. Current statistics: 123 vessels lost; 136 enemy vessels destroyed.
"Karath…that man tests my patience," Krieg gritted his teeth, his hands curling up into fists behind his back. How such an incompetent fool could still hold the position of Fleet Admiral, he simply couldn't know. Then again, Karath was after all one of the longest-serving officers under Malak, his service extending back to the very first fleet of the Revanchists where he began as a colonel under his predecessor. With a long-reaching network of peers who were of considerable renown and indispensable to the war effort, even Lord Malak thought twice before taking action against which could potentially cause too great a rift in the ranks. It was one thing to replace a person with another, but skills, competency and cohesion could be lost altogether if the wrong choice was made.
"Sir!" a voice called out to him below deck, earning his attention.
"What is it, lieutenant?" he answered.
"More feedback from Tatooine. The targets have returned to their ship at docking bay 13! Calo Nord and the Exchange have failed!"
Krieg quickly walked towards the edge of the deck, leaning over to see for himself what was happening. Sure enough, a video feed overlooking the docking bay showed the companions rushing quickly into their ship, the loading ramp hissing shut behind them after the Wookiee climbed in last. In his arms lay the Twi'lek girl who was apparently wounded and unconscious, and the same was the case with the blonde woman who was being held by the brown-haired male.
"How long ago was this footage taken, lieutenant?" Krieg asked.
"Approximately 38 minutes ago, sir. Republic signal disruptors and interceptors have caused a significant delay in ensuring safe transmission."
"38 minutes…Tch…," Krieg hissed and closed his eyes, fuming on the inside. Why can't those imbeciles keep our communication lines safe against those bumbling Republic fools? Why must I do everything myself?!
"Your command, sir?"
Krieg lifted his head and commanded. "Advise Lord Malak and Admiral Karath against moving any significant portion of the fleet to capture them. Let them be for the time being, and don't arouse suspicion in the Republic fleet by taking any drastic action. What of Nord? Is he dead?"
"No, sir. Nord has escaped and is in hiding. His signal is still present."
"Then leave him to carry out his task stealthily. Give him no backup, and don't commit any sizeable contingent to Tatooine. Pursue them relentlessly and they will go into hiding, making it impossible to track them down."
The lieutenant's brow showed a tinge of dissatisfaction as he clearly desired to pursue the Ebon Hawk's crew more relentlessly. Still, he trusted in the judgement of Krieg and dutifully obeyed. "Yes, sir." Then, suddenly, he spun around alarmed when new developments from the battle at Zeltros came through. "Blast!"
"What is it now, lieutenant?" Krieg narrowed his eyes, growing irked by the slightest hint of a drawback.
"Admiral Karath's fleet at Zeltros is under attack by a flanking force of Republic ships! They've been outmanoeuvred and are being forced back!"
That…stupid…imbecile, Krieg fumed, feeling a sudden minor migraine develop. "Have half the fleet make an immediate jump to Onderon. We will marshal our forces before counterattacking the Republic fleet. Inform Admiral Karath and Lord Malak that I will be arriving to reinforce them soon, and advise them to make a temporary withdrawal to Umbara."
"Half the fleet, sir?" the lieutenant looked at him incredulously. "How on earth will we consolidate our gains and press forward to the Core Worlds as planned?"
Krieg sighed and turned around. His dream of storming Coruscant in less than five months' time and winning Lord Malak's undisputed favor would have to wait for another time. "Our advance in this sector will have to halt here until further notice. Serroco is a good strategic point to defend, and even a small fleet can hold its own for a long time. We will return here once the situation near Zeltros is stabilized."
"Yes, sir, but…," the lieutenant gulped, being wary of irritating the vice-admiral whose cold blue eyes were beginning to pierce him like knives. "Who will command the contingent that'll remain here?"
"Fear not, lieutenant," he said, turning around to once again look at the husks of Republic ships that floated lifelessly in space. "I know just the person for the task."
-o-
"All right, Dustil. I'll be back a few months' time. You know what to do, don't you?" Carth said, smiling down at his thirteen year-old son.
"Protect mother, take care of the house and do well in my studies. I know, father, you don't have to keep reminding me," he whined, sheepishly looking away in embarrassment.
"That's my boy," Carth chuckled, patting his son on the shoulder. "Don't fret too much. A couple of months will fly by before you know it."
"You said that last time, and you were gone for over a whole year. This always happens," Dustil groaned, crossing his arms in disappointment.
"Don't be so downhearted, dear. I'm sure your father will be back soon this time around," Morgana spoke, her face illustrated with that ever-angelic smile of hers.
Lifting his head to look upon his wife for the last time before his departure, Carth felt his heart tinge with a sensation he couldn't hope to describe. Every time he departed or returned from a long voyage, that same feeling would always occupy his heart, that combination of shyness and intense desire. He wanted to speak to her but his lips would freeze in place, leaving him murmuring inaudible words in awkward silence.
"That look on your face," Morgana grinned. "I remember it so well."
"Morrie," he laughed, calling her by his favorite nickname for her which she adored. He had the very same look on his face when he first laid eyes on her in high school, but that story would have to wait for another day when Dustil himself became curious.
Happy thoughts soon turned sour, however, and so faded the smiles on their faces. "But do you…really have to go?" she asked. The answer was obvious to her deep down, but she just had to ask again, if only to hopefully make herself feel better.
"I do. The Republic needs me, and it's my duty to serve," he replied.
"But why you?" she sighed, grabbing him by the sides of his arms. "How short could the Republic possibly be when it comes to able officers and pilots? You promised me that…that…"
"That we'd be together forever after my last deployment. I know. But…this war is serious, Morrie. For every day goes by, the more bad news piles up. I have to do something; I can't just sit around in peace while others fight on my behalf."
"You're probably right," Morgana nodded, sinking her head against his shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him. His arms wrapped around her in turn, and she relished the touch, knowing it would be the last one in a long while as she whispered into his ear. "I just…there was so much that I was looking forward to. He may not talk about it, but I always thought that Dustil wanted to have a baby brother or sister. He gets very lonely when you're not with us."
"This will be the last time. After this, I'm yours forever. I won't leave you ever again."
She leaned back to look upon his face, those gorgeous chocolate-brown eyes peering into his very soul for the honest truth. "Promise?"
"I promise," he said, finally sealing his promise with a loving kiss.
"Carth?" a voice came from behind, breaking the pilot out of his trance. The low humming of the Ebon Hawk replaced the sounds of chirping birds and gently rolling waves of his once-beautiful homeworld, and he found himself peering down at the sleeping figure of Audrey in the medical bay.
"Sorry, Kael. Zoned out there for a minute," he apologized, keeping his eyes on his beloved the whole time. "We're moving out now, right?"
"Yeah," Kael nodded, eyes slowly drifting towards Audrey who was covered up to the neck in a warm blanket. "Juhani and Zaalbar are looking after Mission right now. I'm glad to hear that she'll be back to good health soon. But how are you doing? How long do you need?"
"Just a few minutes should do. I'll be ready to join you in a bit," Carth replied, sitting down on the chair next to the bed.
"You don't need to come if you don't want to, you know," Kael said, placing his hand on Carth's shoulder. "We'll understand. Canderous and HK will back us up, so I'm not worried."
"Nah," he shook his head. "It's alright – believe me. Besides, it's my duty."
Duty? You've done your part for the Republic already! Your duty now is to your family!
His wife's pained words from years ago still rang in his ears. His decision to rejoin the fleet in order to fight the Sith invasion had cut Morgana's heart deep, and despite his sense of duty, a part of him was ever screaming.
"I'd like to hear an honest answer from you, Carth," Kael crossed his arms. "Do you want to come with us, or would you rather stay here?"
Carth hung his head, reached for Audrey's hand and tenderly squeezed it in his own. "If you put it that way, I want to stay here. More than anything. The last time I left those I loved…that was Telos."
"Then there's your answer. Just stay here and look after Audrey and Mission, Carth. No-one's forcing you to tag along with us as we head out into the Dune Sea. No-one's giving you orders now; we act as a team, and we look after one another. That's about all I have to say."
"…" Carth gave a nod and smile of appreciation before peering down at Audrey once more.
"I'll give you some time with her. I'll see you at the loading ramp before I set out with the others."
Left alone with Audrey, Carth continued to sit by her bedside, smiling weakly as he was happy to see her safe and resting. He could still vividly remember the pounding pain that wracked his head when he saw her wounded and incapacitated on the ground the previous night. He recalled the helplessness, futility and despair he experienced in that moment, when he thought he would everything all over again. A sigh of relief came as he held and fondled her hand, grateful that fate wasn't so cruel to him the second time around.
And yet…
He couldn't protect her. Even after he inwardly swore to himself that he would never let anyone he loved be in danger again, he failed miserably in that task. No matter what he did or how much effort he put into fighting the Sith, it felt like they were killing him slowly from the inside, taking everything precious to him bit by bit until there was nothing left. It was as if someone was playing a sick joke: the more he tried to protect others, the more often they died or suffered.
Karath…
His left hand held her right gently, but his right was deathly white as he gripped against the bedsheet. Then, just as he thought the blood vessels in his hand would explode with stress, he eyes jolted up when he felt Audrey's silky smooth fingers wrap around and caress his.
"Good morning, darling…or is it evening? I simply don't know," she softly chuckled, speaking in a weak tone that told him that she was still exhausted from her ordeal. "Is Mission alright? Is everyone safe? How long have I been out?"
"It's morning now. You slept through the night just fine. Bastila, Elena and T3 looked after you while you were unconscious. Mission was wounded quite badly in the leg, but her injuries weren't as bad as yours. We're all safe now, so you can just relax."
"That's…wonderful to hear," she said, trying to sit up on the bed. "I feared for the worst when I blacked out and…ugh!" She whimpered as a sharp pain tinged in both her shoulders, and fell on her back.
"Don't move too quickly," Carth implored, putting the blanket back over her torso. "You won't believe just how bruised and bloodied your shoulders and arms were."
"The things I put myself through for my little girl," she grinned, still having enough humor to chortle off the pain.
"Now you know what it really feels like to be a parent, huh?" Carth joked, sharing laughter with her until they fell into silence once again, staring at each other with tender eyes.
"So what's happening now?"
"Kael, Bastila, Elena, Canderous and HK are moving out to meet up with Trask and head into the Dune Sea. Zaalbar, T3, Juhani and I are staying here to look after you and Mission."
"Huh…is that so?" Audrey said, staring upward for a moment to ponder the merits of the decision. "I guess that's about right. Zaalbar will simply welt under the heat, and Juhani's needed to keep us safe at night. But what about you? Why don't you go with them? Surely they'll need all the extra help they can get."
"I, uhh," he stammered, scratching his head briefly in embarrassment. "I wanted to stay here with you."
"How sweet of you," she smiled warmly, fondling his hand at the gesture. "What prompted that decision?"
Carth's mood dampened. "Considering our pasts, I think we both know the reason why."
"I thought as much. Thank you. But darling, may I ask one more small favor of you?"
"Whatever you need."
"When Mission wakes, would you mind taking me to the dorm? I'd…very much like to be with her."
He smiled at her and kissed the top of her hand. "You and me both. I will."
-o-
In swift and orderly fashion, Bastila Shan prepared for immediate departure into the Dune Sea, stocking dried foods, ample water and supplies into the rucksack atop her bed. Although she resolved to carry out her duty to the Jedi Council, she was constantly bugged by the defeat dealt to her by Calo Nord. Despite all her years of Jedi training, she fell for a most basic trick at the hands of a bounty hunter closed off to the Force, something which she would not forget for a very long time.
Too distracted by her frustration, she was oblivious to the fact that Elena was silently watching her with occasional glances. Contrasting to Bastila, Elena's movements were almost lethargic as she moved small object by object very slowly into her rucksack, one after another.
Having concluded her preparations, Bastila did up the zip of her pack and flung it over her shoulder, squinting but mostly ignoring the pain caused when the weight of the bag collided against her still bruised back. She peered over to her former master, only to see that Elena had barely packed half her provisions and belongings.
"What's the matter? Is something troubling you?" she asked, walking over.
Knowing that Bastila would press endlessly if she simply said 'Nothing', Elena answered honestly. "I told him."
Bastila's rucksack fell to the floor with a thud. "You…what?"
"I told him about his past, although indirectly," Elena sighed, her hand trembling eerily. "He didn't take it well."
"You told him already? Why? What made you do it?" she paced over, seemingly on the verge of initiating a full-blown interrogation.
Elena turned around and sat on her bed, staring downward at her feet. "Last night, as we were fighting towards Mission's position, we shared a vision. It was of that day we captured him on his flagship. He still isn't aware of the fact that he's Revan, but he heard me call him my fiancé as he lay critically wounded. He…he asked me about it after we returned to the ship."
"He thought that the two of you were destined to become engaged? What led to this?"
"Revan and I…we…While you were talking with your mother alone at her house, we spoke awhile. Our conversation led us to what we hoped to do after the war if it ended the way we liked. That in turn led us to almost sharing a kiss before you barged out the door."
"So what happened? Last night, I mean?" Bastila frowned, crossing her arms.
A little cowed, Elena continued. "I explained to him that it was Revan, not Kael, who lay wounded in my arms that day. I told him that I loved him, but he took it very badly. I…I'm such a fool. Now he, as Kael, thinks that I love him simply because he reminds me of how Revan used to be. He must despise me for it."
Your chance is slipping.
Time is fleeting.
Does she really look like she deserves him?
Take your rightful place.
The wait is over.
Bastila gripped her hair in frustration, taking deep breaths as she leaned her forehead against the wall to cool her pounding headache. These voices…she simply wanted to murder them. How they vexed her so…
"Bastila?" Elena asked, placing a hand on her shoulder.
"We must tell him," she grumbled. "We must tell him the exact truth as soon as we're alone with him and out of danger. We have to tell him before we get to Kashyyyk."
"S…so soon? But…"
"We have no choice. We can't dilly-daddle with this for much longer. Either he learns the truth quickly, or all of us will be dragged down by his dampened mood. This isn't something he can simple brush away, let alone act as if it didn't happen. Carth and Mission will pick up on his shifted attitude before we know it."
Elena held her face in her hands, feeling lost and conflicted as if she committed one foot into a bottomless pit. Seeing that there was nothing else for it, she sighed and accepted the inevitable. "Fine, Bastila. I'll tell him. I'll tell him before we leave Tatooine."
"Good. It's for the best," Bastila said, proceeding to help Elena pack the rest of her belongings before they walked out of the dorm together.
Barely a few steps later, in the main hold, Elena stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Kael standing beside the navigation computer, his usually tender brown eyes staring at her with a coldness she had never seen before.
"Ready to head out?" he asked, the neutral expression on his face acting as if the previous night had never even happened.
"Y-yes," Elena stammered, struggling to meet his gaze. "How are you? You're not too battered or tired to immediately head out there?"
"I'm not hurt much. As far as I can see," he said, still maintaining the façade and yet uttering the last word with just enough force to make it take its intended effect. "Let's get going." He turned around and trudged off with heavy steps towards the others who were gathered at the loading ramp.
Stricken, Elena did not move until Bastila's hand forced her to, as she felt herself being tugged along by the arm. Soon, she came to face the rest of the group except for the resting Audrey and Mission, when suddenly her ears failed to register anything except the ringing sound of Kael's voice. Mouths were moving and words were exchanged, but all she could hear was the melancholy words of his.
You love me…because I remind you of Revan?
Again and again the same sentence seemed to scream at her, making her feel like a despicable wretch for not being forthright with him. Even when she was directly spoken to by Canderous, she could not hear what was being spoken to her. Only with an awkward nod of her head was she able to ward off any strange thoughts from the others for the time being.
Her eyes blinded momentarily by the glaring suns of Tatooine, she slowly descended the loading ramp with Bastila by her side, oblivious to the good wishes of Carth, Juhani, T3 and Zaalbar who bid them a safe journey.
Good wishes were quickly cancelled out by a feeling of dread, however, as a familiar figure stood by the docking bay gates with a sinister smile on his face.
"Glad to see you again," said Trask Ulgo, dressed in a dark garb from neck to toe. "Shall we get going?"
A/N: Sorry for the huge wait for an update. Work's given me a serious case of writer's block over the past few months because I'm tired most of the time. Hopefully the next chapter won't take as long.
On a sourer note, there's been a lingering issue that I really must address. I know several reviewers have expressed distaste regarding the Revan-Elena-Bastila love subplot, and that their reaction ranges from simple disappointment to full-blown outrage in rare cases. It's obvious that you love the established theme of KOTOR, where Revan and Bastila's bond and love for one another is what saves and redeems them both in the end – I understand that, and that's fine. However, both 'Torn' and 'Heart of a Padawan' have been written in part because I wanted to explore more themes regarding relationships.
Heart of a Padawan's links between Revan, Bastila and Clara deals with not only the question of choosing between the obvious choices of past vs present, but also with the question of loyalty, accountability and responsibility on the part of Revan, who is conflicted between striving to protecting Bastila who represents his future as well as their son Vaner; and saving Clara, who has come to her current predicament largely because of the past choices Revan made. Although Revan had saved(?) the Republic and redeemed himself in its eyes by defeating Malak and the Sith armada, he is still wracked with a guilty conscience for not being able to redeem his old friend Malak, whose fate Revan sees as his own fault for leading Malak down the road he took, and that same guilty conscience is what compels him to try and do his best to prevent Clara from falling into an irredeemable state.
Torn's theme is somewhat different, since it deals primarily with feelings of betrayal, deception and how to address those feelings on the part of Revan. As the story is still in its mid-phase, I won't give too much more details. I also wanted to write out a significantly different take on the Revan-Bastila love subplot, since the game itself has an awkward transition phase where playful flirting and teasing by Revan somehow and at some point suddenly turns into full-blown romance without an adequate build-up. I was also curious as to just how Bastila in the game starts off originally as a 'model' Jedi albeit with a temper, but for some reason rapidly falls for Revan after Dantooine. This is probably where my views begin to significantly diverge from those of reviewers who have been giving me a lot of flack for making a "bad guy" out of Bastila. I intentionally put in those dark inner monologue sections of Bastila in order to reflect Jolee's observations regarding Bastila, where he describes her as having always been proud and headstrong. Given her pride and also her tutelage from Elena, a Jedi who doesn't shun her own emotions, I thought it would be natural that Bastila would be affected by emotions such as envy and ambition.
In light of these explanations, please don't think that I 'hate' Bastila or dislike her in any way. She's admittedly been used in quite severely negative ways in both 'Torn' and 'Heart of a Padawan', but I do intend to use her as a main protagonist in the new KOTOR fic I have planned in the works. If I get to making a serious start to it, that is.
On a final word, please lay off on some of the more vicious comments regarding the direction I'm taking the Revan-Elena-Bastila relationship subplot. If it turns you off so much that you don't want to read this story anymore, then that's your decision and best wishes to you. However, I have to say that I simply don't understand why some people are so adamant that Revan and Bastila are to be "made for each other", even in places like Fanfiction. This Star Wars ficdom is filled with such a wide variety of stories where authors can tweak virtually any and all aspects of the KOTOR story, from its plot to the characters themselves – why should a Revan x Bastila relationship-and-redemption plot be set in absolute stone and never be challenged or tweaked in any way?
That's all from me for now, folks. See you again in the next update.