Kacchan was dead.

There was no denying it.

Shigaraki had turned him to dust in his arms.

Kacchan was dead.

They held him under the water, his body growing still as the bubbles slowly ceased to surface.

Kacchan was dead.

Burned alive in Dabi's fire.

Crushed within Compress's marble.

Kneeling on the floor, Spinner's sword through his stomach.

He watched. Over. and Over. and Over. Each death just as true as the others. Each of Katsuki's screams tore at his heart, breaking it into pieces. Izuku was helpless, too weak, too frail to stop them.

So many times he'd watched Katsuki die. So many times that he couldn't remember which had actually happened. It didn't make sense for Katsuki to have died so many times. He knew this, and yet, that's all his brain could recall.

And now, Izuku held him, watching the blood gush between his fingers but no amount of pressure Izuku put on Katsuki's throat could staunch the bleeding.

"Deku…I don't want to die…" he croaked, crimson eyes desperate, scared.

"I know Kacchan, I know… I'm sorry… I- I'm tryi-NO!"

Hands wrapped around his arms like iron, pulling him away from Katsuki's body.

Katsuki's hand fluttered to catch him before dropping, too heavy for him to lift. "De..ku?"

"NO! Please! Let me stay! Pl-please! Kacchan! I- mmmf-" Izuku screamed, thrashing, stomping, struggling as hard as he could to get back to Katsuki until a villain, he wasn't sure which, slapped a cloth over his nose and mouth.

He tried not to breathe. Honestly he did, but he was weak, chest heaving with sobs and pleas.

As the drug filled his lungs, a cloud descended heavily upon Izuku's body. His mind knew to keep fighting but his body just…couldn't seem to care, nothing more than an apathetic vessel.

Then, the darkness took him.

Izuku startled awake, Katsuki's name on his lips. He needed to move. He needed to get to Katsuki.

Kacchan. Who had bled out on the floor of a prison cell. Throat slashed from ear to ear. He bolted upright, intent on the door not 20 feet from him but something -no- someone had a hold of him.

"NO," he screamed, trying to tear himself away, "Get off me! I-"

"-Oi…Deku…you're alright, it's alright now."

Izuku stiffened. The voice, it had to be wrong. There was no way. It couldn't be.

Kacchan was dead. Died in his arms, or was it Dabi's fire? Wait…Hadn't he turned to dust?

No…he was bleeding.

He was covered in blood.

Tacky.

Thick and warm.

Gushing.

"Deku…I don't want to die" -

"I can see your brain working, nerd, gonna start steaming." His voice was patient, kind, only the slightest bit patronizing. "Look at me will ya?"

Izuku hesitated, the hand around his wrist pulled gently at him, a silent plea. Izuku obeyed.

"Ka- Kacchan…"

Katsuki's smirk turned his knees to butter and he allowed him to pull him into a hug. "Who else would I be, nerd. You feelin ok?"

Katsuki's voice rumbled in his chest and, in this instant, he was safe.

Izuku's breath hitched painfully, tears stinging his eyes. "No…" he croaked, burying his nose in the crook of Katsuki's neck. The blond ran his lithe, calloused fingers through Izuku's hair and pulled him closer, resting a hand on the back of his head. "It's alright, Deku. The nightmares are getting bad again, aren't they?"

Izuku nodded, trying to turn the images in his brain off, but all that existed were Katsuki's screams and pleading crimson eyes. But Kacchan was right here. Holding him so tightly and smelling of caramel and smoke and sunshine…

"Kacchan…" Izuku asked quietly.

Katsuki hummed in askense, nuzzling his nose into Izuku's hair. He breathed deep, his breath warm against his scalp. The boy seemed to struggle with words, and while he searched, Katsuki pulled him down to sit on a blanket on the floor.

To his pleasure, Izuku settled eagerly into his lap, curling against his chest and burrowing once again into his neck.

"Kacchan are…are you real?" Izuku spoke against his skin, quietly, as though ashamed he'd asked at all.

"Of course I am, Deku. You can feel me, can't you?" Katsuki took Izuku's cold, scarred hand and placed it on his cheek under his own. Izuku nodded, rubbing his thumb over Kacchan's flawless, ivory skin.

"I'm sorry Kacchan…sometimes…Sometimes it's just hard to tell when I'm dreaming…"

"Shhh…its ok 'zuku, I know." Katsuki cooed, turning his face to kiss the center of Izuku's palm.

Izuku gasped, ripping his hand away like it had been burned. "Zuku? Wait…No. You- You can't be. You're not-"

"Shh, shh, shh Don't fall apart now Deku, you were doing so good!" Katsuki said through a smile, locking his arms around the boy so tightly that it hurt. "Don't ruin the moment!"

"NO! Let go!" Izuku screamed, "You're not him! Get off me!" He tried to pry out of Katsuki's grip but his skin…Kacchan's skin began to melt.

No No no…not again…please. Not like this…not again…

Izuku turned his face away from the figure transforming against him and stared into the empty, white room.

"Awe! Don't be like that 'zuku! We almost had it this time!" Toga sat behind him, pressing her body so close to his that he could feel her breath, could feel her heart pounding excitedly in her chest. "Kacchan may be gone now, but at least I still have his blood! Why won't you play pretend with me?"

"Damn you! Just let me mourn him! I can't do this, not- not again!"

Toga laughed and put one arm around Izuku's neck, holding him fast, her other hand fiddling with the blanket they sat on. The seam opened and she pulled a small pink pill and a vial from within. She held the ampule in front of Izuku's face and gave it a little shake, sending the crimson liquid inside spinning.

Izuku's frantic struggling stilled as he stared at the vile with wide, horrified eyes.

"I- Is this- Toga…is this…Kacchan's…" Izuku asked, voice shaking with grief.

"Mmmhm! I have more, but yeah, this is a piece of him." She smiled sweetly and nibbled at his ear. "Do ya want it?"

Izuku nodded.

"What's in it for me?"

"What do you want," Izuku asked numbly.

"I want to play pretend." She moaned, licking a spit-thick line up the length of Izuku's neck. "I can play the husband, and you can be my adorable little wife."

A sob broke from his lips and he cursed his feeble mind for not refusing the trade. Perhaps this was his punishment for Katsuki's death. He deserved whatever hell awaited him for what he'd done.

Because as fucked as his brain was, of one thing he was absolutely certain. Katsuki's death was his fault.

Izuku heard the crack of glass, then Toga's body began to shift, to change, and in mere moments, Katsuki, who wasn't Katsuki, sat behind him once more.

"See, isn't this better Deku?" Kacchan purred in his ear.

His heart ached as the blond pulled him close, as a lover might after a bad dream. "Come here, I can make the pain go away, Deku. Can make you forget."

"I will never forget." Izuku sobbed as she maneuvered his body to straddle her waist.

"Silly little thing, you don't even remember what really happened." Kacchan said, resting his hands on Izuku's hips. "You're mental, absolutely certifiable, but that's ok, Deku." Katsuki tucked a strand of Izuku's hair away from his face and planted a kiss against his forehead. "You don't need to think anymore." Katsuki placed the tiny pink pill on his tongue then instructed Izuku to open his mouth.

The boy was shaking, but he obeyed. "Stick out your tongue. Further… Mmm just like that." He coaxed then took Izuku's tongue into his mouth, sucking it languidly and swirling his own around it. To his surprise, Izuku moaned, the broken little sound enough to make his dick twitch. Katsuki withdrew and before Izuku could close his mouth, he tucked a finger inside and pulled down on his lower jaw.

"Wow…" he praised, "just look at you, Deku, you're blushing." He paused, then spit the pill he'd tucked under his tongue into Izuku's mouth. "But you're still thinking a bit too much. Let's make that brain of yours good and empty, yeah?"

"Please…" he begged and forced himself to swallow.

"Good boy…"