When you're young, you just run
But you come back to what you need

Taylor Swift

Sasuke had a problem separating past from present sometimes. He had only begun to see it like one when he was too stressed or too still, right after Itachi did what he did. When the sounds and smells meshed, and he couldn't distinguish where or when he was. Was he a mere boy discovering his parent's lifeless bodies or the same boy in a man's body discovering he had been wrong about a number of things? Had things regressed, progressed, or staled in a permanent static limbo?

Even now when he closed his eyes, he could still hear them. It didn't matter where he was or what he was doing or how many years had passed. Their voices filtered time and space and told him that what he sought after wasn't what he wanted, not really. But they didn't understand, they hadn't seen what he had. Experience what he had. It was what he wanted—it had to be. Up until the very end…it had been.

From an early age, since that ill-fated day, Sasuke had seen the world burn in his mind so many times, over and over. It never stopped, this invisible smoke choking his lungs until his eyes stung with tears. His resolve came a couple of years later like a welcoming embrace. He wanted everything to burn like he did, ash floating away as it crumble under the weight of it all. And even after everything was over, it still burned. It never stopped.

Walking away had been almost impossible the night he decided to take matters into his own hands. He had not expected to second guess himself, to question his decisions. When Sakura intercepted him on his way out of the Leaf, baring her soul to him and promising all she could offer between aching tears, he almost stayed. He almost believed her. If he wasn't so dead set, he would have remained with her in this ever-bright future she plastered desperately. Up to the very end. But he knew from experience that it wasn't that easy, and it was too late to turn back.

Sasuke had laid Sakura on the stone bench gently and studied her for a while. He touched her hair and face under the soft cover of the night where he felt comfortable to let himself have this small moment. Then he walked away and didn't look back. Not even Naruto with all his rage and strength could stop him. He believed no one could. Not even himself at that point.

Joining Orochimaru he had expected a lot of things—ruthlessness, cruelty, blood, death. All which were true, but he had not expected solitude to be the most prominent of them all. Penetrating him even more deeply than when he had been in the Leaf, living in an empty house. Most of his time, if he wasn't training or studying different techniques or out in assignments, he was alone in his room. With his thoughts. Which wasn't something he liked that much. It made things fussy.

When thoughts of his clan and revenge were too much, when he couldn't bring himself to think of his former team or even her, when he would feel like a million hands were slithering all over him, he would pace in his room. Sometimes minutes, sometimes hours. Until he was tired and all he could do was sleep.

Sasuke credited his indifference and numbness to his partial isolation. He didn't care, he didn't want to care. And when he would feel something stir inside him, whenever he ran into his former Sensei, his old friend or Sakura, he reminded himself why he was doing everything, and he'd distance himself from his emotions and only focused on his objectives. On what needed to be done, no matter the cost.

Everything was a means to an end. It didn't matter who he hurt, threatened, or killed. It scared him how easily he slipped into that person, it was almost like a switch. There were no feelings, just cold detach calculations. As soon as it happened, he wouldn't be scared anymore.

It wasn't like that at first, though. There were a few moments in the beginning, when he had left everything behind, where he would feel himself waver, where he would question who he really was. When he dressed in the clothes Orochimaru gave him after a private speech of a prodigal son returning home, he felt like an imposter. He would stare at his purple obi and feel like a stranger was standing in the mirror. Could others see right through him like he did, he would constantly wonder.

The only time he felt like himself was after his battle with Naruto where he lost most of his arm. He was so amazed he would look at himself in the mirror for hours, relishing on this sense of control.

Sakura had thought he was in shock and probably depressed. He had been engulfed, looking at this lost limb, when she placed a hand on that injured side and told him he could get a prosthetic like Naruto. Sasuke had jumped backed into his skin and tried to calm himself enough to decline.

"Why?" she hadn't looked pleased with his decision.

"I want to remember," he had mumbled, a simple explanation.

Sakura must have assumed he meant remember what happened that day as a way of commemoration. A couple of days later she would insist it was stupid and the prosthetic would be reminder enough. He would decline again, wishing he could say the words without having the need to explain himself.

I want to remember who I am, he didn't say.

The cold night air was biting his cheeks and he exhaled, holding back a curse. Why was the sea colder than land?

They had barely been on the ship for a day, returning to the Land of Fire after the dust had settled in the Mist, when everything was documented, and Sasuke's account had been thoroughly recorded. After Sakura recovered enough to pressure Mizukage Chojuro to let them go. After all, Ren, his brother hadn't died, to the Uchiha's great dismay, so there wasn't a need for them to stay longer. Specially if it concerned politics and a lengthy trail. To keep peace between the Land of Fire and the Land of Mist, the Mizukage relented, leaving Sasuke's attack as an attempt to apprehend a radical deserter with no need for a formal viewing.

For all his want of warmth, Sasuke couldn't bring himself to go below deck. Not when Sakura just stood at the deck, looking up at the stars with a new appreciation for life. What if something happened to her and he wasn't there to stop it?

She craned her neck to look at a star at the very center of the obsidian sky, making him shift his focus at the pale skin illuminated by the full moon. The scar left after the medics did their work was so thin one would never have assumed she had been on the verge of bleeding out.

When she didn't notice him (or pretended he wasn't there), Sasuke approached her and called her name. She looked at him and nodded. She knew he was hovering since they dragged her from the hospital floor to an operating room, where they worked on her throat and neck for almost two hours, but she was nice enough not to get annoyed by it and tell him to leave her alone. Yet.

"Coming," she said and her voice broke. Her vocal cords were still healing.

To give his thanks to the Leaf for the antidote and amend for everything that happened, the Mizukage arranged better accommodations for their return, having them sail on a bigger ship armed with his own ninja. These improvements meant they didn't have to keep watch during the night and could share one of the fairly large cabins together. Two beds were positioned in each side of the room, a small wooden drawer in the middle with a lamp in its center. It illuminated the place with warm opaque light, making things feel familiar and safe.

Sakura sat on the bed to the left and sighed. She opened her mouth and smiled when no sound came out. She cleared her throat and said, "At least it's not a stinky cot."

Sasuke knew he should crinkle the corners of his mouth, but her relief made him embarrassed. His mind flashed back to the hospital as he paced back and forth, not caring for food or rest, not even minding his own appearance until he knew Sakura was stable. When she was given a room of her own, he sat at her bedside—alert and vigilant in case she asked for anything or needed help moving. Four hours later, Sakura opened her eyes and wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"Why does it smell like stale water?"

Up until that moment Sasuke had not even taken in account the fact that he had been in the sewer and had remained in his soiled clothes for more than 24 hours. That would explain the odd looks the hospital staff was giving him. He casually sniffed at himself and winced. Thinking ahead, he asked her if she needed anything. When she had said no, he excused himself and went straight to a bathhouse.

"You should be getting some rest," Sasuke told her now.

"I am just fine." She kicked off her shoes and laid on the bed. "You should get some sleep as well."

Sasuke relented only to appease her. She turned on her bed, so she was facing him, and he did the same just so he could keep a close watch on her. Under her tinkling gaze, he closed his eyes, needing to escape his nervous thoughts, rubbing the perspiration from his palm on one side of his pants.

There was comfortable silence for a few minutes.

She said just as his mind started to drift off, "When we reach the Land of Fire, where are you heading next?"

He opened his eyes, looked at her, trying to decern what she meant, and then turned on his back and starred at the metal ceiling with its white chipping paint. "I don't know," he answered honestly.

"Maybe you should stay in the village for a while."

Just the thought made his pulse race. Sasuke knew that he would eventually return, but now wasn't the time. He wasn't done yet. He had a sense that he would know when that would be. "Hm."

"You've come a long way," Sakura told him, sounding proud. "Others have seen that too. You shouldn't worry about them."

Her words reassured him but didn't convince him. "Maybe in a year or so, during winter."

"Well, all of us will be waiting whenever that day comes," she said, shifting in her bed.

Not everyone, not for me—but for you they would, he thought, imagining a particular outspoken ninja with a strange bowl cut.

When he heard the soft breathing of Sakura sleeping, Sasuke felt a tinge of disappointment. For a moment he thought she would ask if she could join him on his travels like she did three years ago. He felt foolish to assume that much. If she did, he would probably let her down gently again. Wouldn't he?

He could picture himself with her—she would be more useful than him. She had proven herself to be many times over. Just with her healing, a lot of people would benefit from her. Specially the most cut off areas, where basic needs, like medical attention, were scarce. She was such a bright light, so many people would be hopeful and happy just to be near her. They could make a great team.

"We were in synch," she had assured him when he had apologized for what happened to her, the morning light coming through the hospital window as she ate some red gelatin.

"You almost died," he clarified, deadpan.

"A technicality. With just one look, we knew what we needed to do. I got the poison out in time too. I call that a win."

"I call that cutting it close."

"Literally," she joked, waving off the whole thing.

Sasuke smirked at the memory, turning, and staring at Sakura while she slept. Another thought occurred to him, and he swallowed. They would be alone with each other. There would be no mission, no blond idiot or pain in the neck sensei. No green wearing hero, making her fall for his promises of forever after.

What would you do then? a voice questioned mockingly.

He shook his head and gave his back to her, knowing it was wise to avert his eyes from her, ignore the yearning he felt in the pit of his stomach and just sleep.

The following two days were spent on the top deck, looking at the slushing water, blinding white clouds and immeasurable night sky, trying to fish stars. Long stretches of quiet would accompany them or ongoing conversations that could last for hours, only stopped by Sasuke insisting Sakura rest her voice.

"Talk or I will," would always be her answer.

He would sigh in exasperation but would talk about anything—as long as it wasn't about himself. Sasuke would go into details about all the places he had seen the few years he had been away. About arid desserts and humid jungles. Deafening forests with their watchful invisible eyes. Rocky mountains, and their deathly pointy drops. Snow-covered lands, so cold your fingers turned gray. He talked about war and its under-cutting long-lasting consequences on the people who wanted nothing to do with it, of those caught in the crossfire. Their resentment was as tangible as water and no doubt a generational burden for the years that would follow.

"What about you?" she asked him as the sun was setting on their second day of travel. They would arrive to the Land of Fire early tomorrow everyone onboard seemed to agree.

"What about me?"

"You never seemed to talk about yourself," she pointed out. As always, too clever.

"There's not a lot to say," he shrugged off her question by fumbling over a loose thread on his poncho.

Sakura's green pool eyes bore into his before dropping the subject. "I'm glad we were able to stop Chojuro's brother… I don't think I can do this again. War, I mean." She hugged herself and closed her eyes, soaking in the sun as it slowly disappeared. "There were so many injured after everything ended, we had to make makeshift tents outside the hospital. They were there for months." She swallowed, throat bobbing. "Every night, I would have nightmares that I was there, doing my best—spreading myself thin—but it was never good enough… I would have them for the longest time."

Sakura sighed and with it, some of the tension left. "Then one day, they stopped. I still get them, I think I will always get them, but they don't torment me like they used to."

Sasuke felt selfish for being so distracted with himself and his problems. He wondered for the first time since the war ended if Sakura seemed different from herself. That was, outside from exhaustion and the grief over the loss of life. She always treated him the same. She treated everyone the same, with care and thought.

"How did you do it?"

Sakura thought for a moment. "Well, I accepted that things are just out of my control and that's…okay. For the most part. I'm still human, you know. I scream and I cry and sometimes I don't want to get up from bed. And I… I don't know. There are so many people that need me, sometimes I don't have the luxury to succumb."

Sasuke didn't have people that depended on him. Not like Sakura. "Do you want to?"

Sakura smirked. "On occasions." Then she grew serious. "How about you?"

Sasuke thought of a way to avoid yet another of her questions, but figured it was good just to follow her lead. To be somewhat honest since she was being open. He shrugged. "On occasions."

Sakura looked out to the water in contemplation. "Well, wherever it is that you are headed tomorrow, there are people who miss you and want to be there. You have every right to what you're feeling, just like everyone else does, but remember to come back. Not to us, you don't need to do anything for us. And not to the Leaf or any physical place."

Sakura turned to him, touched his shoulder, said, "Do it for yourself—come back for you," and walked away.

Sasuke went over her words again and again. As he watched the sun dive into the horizon. As he made his way to their cabin, silence following until the early hours of the night as he laid awake, pondering. Even as the ocean grew untamable by some unforeseen storm, he did not care for anything else. He only thought of what she meant, of what he should do.

As Sasuke tossed and turned, unable to escape his mind, Miko's voice, of all people, seemed to reverberate his previous shared outlooks on life. It is only an impediment if you let it be. It would echo along with Sakura's, and he wondered why everyone talked to him in metaphors instead of telling him what he should do.

They were supposed to arrive on the third day, but heavy rain and strong winds seemed to meet them from the south and their time was delayed considerably. It was approximately 8 pm when they docked, and the pelting outside did not seem to relent. The captain told them they could stay the night in their cabin if they wanted to since the crew would not attempt to head back until the storm passed. As for Sasuke and Sakura, he did not consider exposing themselves to the elements on such forested areas to be ideal.

Everyone agreed again. Which did not help Sasuke's dreadfulness in the least. He rather be soaked to his bone and focus on that than his endless ruminations.

Sakura seemed to notice the quietness that followed him like a ghost almost immediately but did not comment on it. Rather, she let him be and took this time to rest since they would have to split up tomorrow—her to do her briefing for Kakashi, him to…whatever that was. He could tell by the sudden distance she took that that she was already preparing herself for their inevitable goodbye.

Was he prepared?

Sasuke knew that he could handle the remainder of his journey alone, but after these few days with welcomed company he wasn't sure if he wanted to. It would be easier for him in hindsight. He wouldn't have to worry about keeping his cool or watching what he said or did. If he wanted to scream, he could scream. If he wanted to cry, he could cry. If he wanted to curse or be cold and hard as stone, he wouldn't have to think about anything or anyone else.

Sasuke didn't want to burden Sakura, a person who constantly wanted to care for people. He had done it enough already, over, and over, and over again. In fact, he'd broken her heart so severely she stopped loving him, something he once deemed impossible.

It didn't matter that a chance like this one would not repeat itself, not in this life. He would just have to let her go like she had let him go that crucial moment she realized persisting was pointless.

And like that, Sasuke made up his mind.

The next morning, as the sun melted the residue of leftover rain, Sasuke turned on his bed and woke up to find Sakura watching him. He stared at her back, trying to soak every detail in. Who knew when he would see her again—he just hoped the changes wouldn't surprise him as much as they had this time around. She must have been thinking the same, her expression was calm but regretful.

They refrained from talking to each other until they stood at the top of the deck an hour later, seeming to try to delay the inevitable. The crew were already opening their sails and shouting orders to each other, getting things ready to depart again. The captain came and bid them farewell, interrupting their wordless yet very loud exchange. Minutes later, they were on the wooden dock, watching the ship shrink in the distance.

"Naruto is going to be so pissed off when he finds out he missed you," Sakura remarked, trying to keep the mood light.

Sasuke shrugged, feeling a pit form in his stomach. "I don't think so. He has other things going for him now."

Sakura nodded in agreement. "It's the first time I've ever seen him so happy."

It was hard to picture Naruto happy. Sasuke could only summon images of his friend being angry, resigned, frustrated, sad. Yes, he would occasionally see him smile or make a joke, but there wasn't a lot of happiness behind those actions. He doesn't remember the Hyuga girl too well. She was always quiet and timid. Yet it didn't surprise him that such a loud outspoken person would end up with such a soft calming one.

"He deserves as much," he mumbled, thinking he hadn't spoken so loudly.

"You do too," she told him, her gaze a bittersweet mix that left him feeling contrite. Something that wasn't helped by the fact that she enveloped him in an unexpected embrace, "I hope you find it at the end of your journey."

Sasuke felt his stomach sink as he realized she was saying goodbye.

Too soon, he thought desperately, it's happening to soon.

Sakura attempted to pull away, but Sasuke snaked his one arm on her back, wanting to hold on to the moment a little longer. For a second, she froze in confusion, clearly surprised at this uncharacteristic outburst. Instantly, though, she knew. Just like she always seemed to know everything. He needed this.

She placed her hands where they were previously, and Sasuke's heart sped in his ribcage knowing that they couldn't stay in this position forever. He would never be this close again. They would eventually have to part ways, life would take them other directions. He breathed in her hair and closed his eyes, struggling to savor the moment and failing. His mind was racing with impossible scenarios and what ifs—something he hadn't expected.

"Sasuke," she said gently, like she was talking to a child. He felt very much like one. "I, I need to go—"

"Come with me," he heard his voice say. He closed his eyes tighter, in disbelief of what he just did.

"What?" she echoed what he was feeling, paralyzed momentarily.

How could he ruin what they had by doing this? How could he ruin her chances of happiness or ridding herself of him? Could he even comprehend what he was doing? The magnitude of what he asked? Was he doing it because he was selfish or because he wanted her? Were the latest events influencing his judgment, making him afraid of losing her a second time—

Sakura pulled herself back enough to look into his nervous wandering eyes and he felt a lump form in his throat. Sasuke could not, for the life of him, understand what was overtaking him.

"Sasuke?" her voice was a mixture of a question and a plea.

Sasuke swallowed, inhaling as he did. Steadying himself. He placed his hand on her shoulder and backed up enough for them to look at each other's faces. To see that he was being serious.

"Join me," he firmly said.

A/N: Hi, everyone! I know, I know, I didn't post that Friday, but I am here. I was studying for my Psych licensing exam and that's why I disappeared. I literally finished writing this chapter today. If there are typos, please excuse them. I have read this too many times, I am blind. I went over my previous work to refresh my mind and fixed some mistakes. I have ready all your reviews. I won't be able to answer all of them in this AN because I want to get this out as soon as possible. There is one (or two) chapter coming out. Not this Friday, though. I haven't started on it yet. It will be more on Sasuke and Sakura's relationship, more than these other chapters. I hope you enjoy this one. Please leave a review!

Also, Taylor re-released her song This Love and I literally thought the song was Sakura. I am obviously writing in Sasuke's perspective, but I was like, "Should I let the muse take me and writing in Sakura's POV?"