But I was late to this, late to that, late for the love of my life.
The Lumineers
Sasuke knew when he asked her to join him that something had irremediably changed.
Not with them. At least, not something he could accurately point to.
It was him. Something had shifted in him. Something had been nudged awake.
He should have known the moment she agreed. He should have paid more attention to the instant relief he felt. At the way his hand slightly trembled as he summoned the hawk that would deliver their message to Kakashi. Sasuke was glad that Sakura was too busy writing their mission briefing and indefinite leave of absence to notice any of these things. If she did, she would have seen how he dragged his feet to a big rock near the shore and sat there, his knees strangely weak.
He had not known what he had expected. He certainly hadn't expected himself to do that, and he hadn't expected her to agree—considering all the people that depended on her.
Actually, Sakura almost hadn't agreed. Sasuke could tell by the way she had hesitated.
"Why?" she had questioned.
He had asked himself the same thing. He didn't know. Should he have told her that? It was too late to backpedal now. "Before I left three years ago, you wanted to come with me…but it wasn't the right time."
"So, it was about timing," she had concluded like a scientist upon discovering an answer to a hard question that had eluded her for a while. "And now's the right timing?" she asked not in an accusatory way, more in disbelief of what he just requested of her mere moments ago. Had he ordered her to come or invited her? He wasn't sure anymore.
Sasuke found himself gapping like some stupid fish out of water, his hand falling from her shoulder, flabbergasted. Well, it was, and it wasn't about timing. It was because of him. He was the problem, but he didn't feel comfortable admitting to that yet. He didn't want that to influence her decision, as selfish as that was.
"I, I—um, yes. But if you don't want to, you—"
"I want to," she had assured overly serious, her piercing eyes making heat rush to his cheeks (another sign he seemed to have overlooked). Thankfully, she'd broke from their closeness to start pacing, trying to map out this new path before her.
"I can't just leave—it will be too sudden. But then again, I've never taken time off. It's always work or a mission. Not that this is going to be a vacation or a walk in the park," she'd broken her inner monologue to clarify to Sasuke.
She continued her pacing. "I've just been tied down to those places. They were able to survive before Lady Tsunade came to the village and they will be with me gone as well. Maybe I can make her come out of retirement so she can help me out with this. She does owe me."
Sakura rambled under her breath, so muffled he couldn't make it out. Sighed, placing her hands on her hips. "Everyone's moved on, it's not like I have anyone waiting for me…"
The instant she said it, their eyes met again. Both thinking the same thing. Lee.
Sakura's six month backlogged memories rushing to her suddenly, he could see it in her eyes. Sweet and intimate. Sad and cruel. Full of hope and full of promise.
Sasuke could only think of them at the gate before they left. What did he tell her? Why did she look at him?
It was then that Sasuke knew she would tell him that now that she thought about it, she couldn't come. That timing wasn't on her side this time. That the hospital, the village, he needed her. And he would understand. He would force himself to.
Instead, she had said, "I need a pen and paper. Do you have any?"
It took a second for Sasuke to react, rummaging in his bag until he produced them. It wasn't until she said, "I know Kakashi is not going to like this," when he realized she had made up her mind. She had chosen joining him than going back to her life at the village and hospital.
Sakura picked him over Rock Lee.
The fact knocked the air right out of him, even though it shouldn't have.
When she had finished rolling up the piece of paper and placing it inside the small pouch on one of the hawk's legs, she met him on the shore where he had composed himself enough to appear calm and collected. Not like the earth beneath him had been pulled from under him. She offered the pen back and he took it, standing up.
"Where to?" she asked with a glint in her eyes that made his mind go blank.
Sasuke ignored the signs once more and nodded, focused on her words. "Right."
From where he stood Sasuke could see a small bead of sweat swell up on one side of her temple and run down the side of her face, swerving as it rounded her cheek. He followed it as it traveled down her sharp jaw and slender neck, to her chest where it continued—
He shook his head, ordering himself to concentrate. Sakura smiled knowingly, but he couldn't tell if it was because she caught him staring or because she predicted his next move.
They had been training half an hour ago, trying to nail down his use of Amenotejikara and their timing for their swap and her offensive. When it came to that, Sakura had unleashed her creativity. Every time they swapped, she tested out a different attack. A strong punch carried with momentum, a round-house kick, an ax stomp, an up-knee too fast to perceive, an eye gouge with fingers oozing chakra.
Soon she got bored and demanded Sasuke and her train as opponents.
"Just try not to kill me this time," she said, face unreadable. Something told him she must be kidding. The only problem was, they never had time for teasing in the past, so he wasn't entirely sure if she was serious or not.
Heat spread up his neck just thinking about how committed he was at killing her when he was a teenager. To be fair, he never actually intended to see it all the way through. "I, uh, I—"
"I'm only joking…" She smiled earnestly before her face slowly turned solemn. "Partially." Then she smirked again as if she were only jesting.
Sasuke raised his eyebrow, unable to remain neutral. Did she want him to burst out laughing or say he was sorry?
Sakura readied her stance and bowed her head, as if to indicate he should do the same. "Come on. Don't hold back on me."
Sasuke nodded and so they began their sparring.
They had been mainly sticking to taijutsu, Sakura preferring more of a hand-to-hand combative style, and were building up sweat as the sun shone down at them from its high position in the sky. His stamina was running out fast and he couldn't help but wince. He had leaned too heavily on his ninjutsu, dōjutsu, and bukijutsu and had not realized they had become a crutch.
Truth be told, Sasuke would still use them if he were in battle for the mere principle of time and efficiency alone. Here, as his body strained with the effort of trying to keep up with Sakura, he noticed he was severely lacking. This time of peace and his reliance on his techniques had made him grow stiff in other areas he was only now taking in account.
Sasuke shook his head a second time and launched forward, his one fist raised. She easily moved out of its away, her leg swinging back. As he dodged one of her kicks with a sharp intake of breath, he also noted that he had underestimated his pink-hair companion. How she had not broken all his bones or pummeled him to the ground in their past encounters was a mystery he was grateful he was only able to imagine and not necessary experience…for now.
Sasuke couldn't help being amazed at her physical strength and his lack thereof. He would be able to appreciate it more if he were in the sidelines and not darting away from her attacks. Will she ever get tired?
"Ah!" she growled, a fist blue with chakra as she punched the ground, ultimately breaking their unspoken agreement—no jutsus, no chakra. He guessed she figured that if she couldn't land a hit on him, she would create the perfect environment where she could be able to. Oh, and was she able to.
The ripple effect made him loose his footing and his lack of an arm made it so regaining balance was impossible (another thing he did not consider in this equation). He fell on his ass, sharp debris from the ground ricocheting towards him. Sasuke managed to curl into himself to avoid most of the damage, but some were able to cut his face and the inside of his thigh.
He took a minute to assess everything. Though badly scratched and cut, he was still in one piece. He unfurled, ready to announce he was tapping out.
Sakura was making her way towards him, her gait relaxed and her expression guilty. It was clear she was ending their spar. He was relieved he didn't actually have to voice it out himself because it would mean he didn't technically loose—even if the winner was obvious to them both—and they could continue on later… when he wasn't feeling like shit.
"I think I took it a little too far," she stated the obvious as she kneeled before him, inspecting the damage.
"It's okay," Sasuke lied as he gently touched the nick on his face. "I needed the practice."
"Sometimes I forget my own strength. And anyway, we should be training, not trying to hurt each other." He watched with rapt attention as she healed the cut on his face with a mere touch of her fingers. "What good would we be helping this village with their bandit problem if we are too hurt to fight?"
Sasuke was reminded again that they were in the Land of Earth, on a high rocky mountain terrain in some village that had needed their assistance. He always seemed to forget what he was doing when she was around, if only momentarily, and it was very irritating.
That day when she told him to lead the way, his mind self-destructed. He had been alone for almost three years, having only himself on this sole journey…and now that would change. He was thrilled and nervous at the prospect—and so many other emotions he couldn't juggle at once. He had needed time to think things through, to understand what he was feeling.
Not knowing what else to do, his legs started moving of their own accord. Once he realized in what direction he was heading, there was no turning back and definitely no room to admit to his mistake. Admitting something would only lead to admitting other things.
Not that Sasuke had anything against the Land of Earth, he just didn't particularly like the landscape and how hard it was to navigate. That was one of the reasons he frequented that side of the map less often than he did the rest. Perhaps why he unconsciously gravitated towards it. From experience, the way to it was long and granted space for pondering, something that he had needed at the time. Another of the reasons he didn't like the Land of Earth as much at the other countries, too much time to overthink.
Thankfully, the trek there was so treacherous they barely had time to talk. By the time they reached the Land of Earth, they were pointed to a village that needed their help and the trudge there was silent as well. Word must have gotten to the villagers first for when they reached the village in question, they were greeted with free lodge and food. Soon after they settled, it was nighttime and the only thing left to do was sleep.
The next morning, they agreed on surveying the village. Not only would this help them familiarize with the outline but help them piece together a possible pattern for the robberies. After they rounded and inspected every possible corner and space, Sakura suggested they go train. To be prepared for the stake-out they had planned to do that night, she had explained.
She had begun healing a scratch on his upper arm and he thought it was a good time as any to activate his Sharingan and try the understand the mechanics behind medical-ninjustu. Never mind that he was avoiding having to confront Sakura's angry outburst.
"The key is chakra control," she told him as she focused on the wound in his thigh, "and you're pretty good at that, if I'm remembering right."
Sasuke nodded, already assuming the task wouldn't be too hard to master. If they were going to be traveling together, he wanted to be sure he could heal her in case anything went awry.
"It doesn't matter if my hands are on or off. As long as I can control the chakra, I'm fine."
As if to prove her point, Sakura's hands hovered over the gash on his thigh before gently pressing the wound. His mouth dried as he appreciated where her hand was positioned, his focus waning.
"When manipulating the chakra, you can't apply too much pressure or too little, it has to be the right amount."
Her words made it seem like they had a double meaning or maybe his head was in the gutter for once. Either way, he told himself to breathe steadily, to devoid his mind of any thoughts and to repress the flush he felt on his cheeks.
Sakura was still teaching him. She lowered the pressure in her chakra, its feel on his wound diminishing, and then promptly increased it, the pain causing him to gasp and disactivate his Sharingan.
"See."
They watched as she finished healing his wound, his interest in learning long forgotten. Sasuke only wanted her hands off him and some distance between them.
When she was done, Sakura asked, "How do you feel?"
He knew she meant how he felt physically, he was well aware. But he could only think about the question in a different way, like he had been thinking about everything recently.
Instead, he avoided the question with another question. "Are you angry at me?"
Sakura didn't attempt to deny it. She smiled like someone who was just caught and saw no point in hiding the truth. "Sometimes, momentarily. But just at past you. And when I get railed up, that's when it usually happens. Like now."
Sasuke bit the corner of his lip in thought. "Would you feel better if you slap me in the face?"
She considered it, serious. Shrugged. "You wouldn't mind?"
He shook his head. "If it helps you, I don't care."
Sakura pulled her hand back without much hesitation and Sasuke closed his eyes and prepared himself. Her hand patted his cheek in a friendly manner, albeit with a little force. When he opened his eyes, she was already on her feet, her back to him as she walked away.
"Bold of you to assume I would resort to violence, Sasuke."
He steadily got to his feet and watched her, wishing he had two arms so he could cross them. He was tired of being constantly flustered by her. "You have in the past, at Naruto's expense. Why should this be any different?"
Sakura didn't bother turning around. "There are worst things than a slap in the face. But don't worry, you'll make it up to me."
Maybe it was the closeness from earlier and where her hands had pressed, maybe he was thinking too much into this, but he sensed her words to be a lot more intimate than they ought to me.
The sound from the water was almost deafening as it plunged from impossible heights, spraying the large river below with a force that could drag you down the current if you weren't careful. Still, Sasuke could make out Sakura calling to him, waving from where she stood below the rush of the clear water, beckoning him to join her.
He shook his head from where he sat under the shade of a tree a few feet from the river, failing to ward off the heat of May. The main reason they stopped was to cool down, but upon arriving Sasuke could not bring himself to join her. His thoughts were on last night's events, when he had awoken from one of his terrors by a firm hand gripping his.
"It's okay," she had told him, voice soft. "It's okay."
Sasuke had shot up from his bedroll, the outline of their campsite materializing as his eyes adjusted to the dark. He slid his hand free and rubbed his face, still seeing her twinkling eyes shine brighter than the stars above them. His nightmare paled in comparison to the way she haunted every space in his mind. Every waking minute was filled by her. Most chilling of all, he couldn't remember when it started.
Wasn't that what he wanted? Wasn't that why he had asked her to come?
"I'm going to go back to sleep, Sasuke," she had said after a while, returning to her own bedroll.
Now he watched half-intrigued, half-afraid. Sakura was drenched, her hair and clothes sticking to her silhouette, making her appear as pitiful as a wet cat. He averted his eyes to the blue expense overhead, thinking it was best not to stare at her too intently.
Lately, Sasuke found himself admiring her. Contemplating her rosy hair, so similar to the pink in a setting sky, he was on the verge of telling her about it every afternoon. His fingers twitching with the need to run them through and prove to himself that it was as yielding as silk. To gather a lock behind her ear every time the wind blew it in her face.
When she was distracted, he hungrily gazed at her body, knowing her strength firsthand and wondering about its softness… if he were brave enough to touch her, that was. He regularly imagined how that would be like, to do it without needing a good reason. To do it because she wanted to.
When she talked, he eyed her lips. The way she bit them when she was in thought or nervous. The stomach-churning effect they had every time she pulled them back to reveal a smile. The shape they took when they mouth his name.
But what he liked the most were her eyes, so big and bright and honest. Unconditional in their unbashful display of fondness. He enjoyed drowning in them every chance he could, coming up for oxygen when he was about to faint.
And as he watched with less and less reserve, more and more it was Sakura who caught his wondering gaze. Looking coy when it should be him who should be mortified. Maybe she knew something he yet to understand.
In the end, it was his own doing. He was the one who told her to join him. The one who let her decide where they should head next once their business in the Land of Earth was done about a week ago.
After training that day, they patrolled the rocky winding paths until it was time for the stake-out. Easily enough, they apprehended the bandits that very night. In contrast to the past, Sakura didn't completely incapacitate the thieves…and Sasuke didn't resort to killing. The fate of those men and their punishment would be determined by the villagers, so they were promptly handed over to them without much need for words.
They had stayed an extra night, per the insistence of the elderly woman hosting them in their house, before setting off the next day early in the morning.
"You decide where," Sasuke had told her as the sun broke through the trees in the early chill.
Sakura had nodded and started to walk, never explicitly saying where she was heading. If it were not for the fact that Sasuke had a clear sense of geography after looking at the map for so long in his travels, he would have assumed she was going directionless.
"It's too hot out," she explained when they reached Takigakure's massive waterfall. She did not plan on entering the village, just on cooling down in their cascade.
Sasuke closed his eyes at the almost rhythmic music the waterfall produced, initially not noticing Sakura's silence. Just mere seconds ago there was a splashing and her joyful shrill and laughter. He snapped his gaze at where he'd last seen her, finding only the potent current of water and nothing else.
Instinctively, he shot to his feet and called her name. There was no answer. He called her again, slight panic creeping into his voice. He looked down the river, trying to catch a glimpse of her pink hair or red clothes on the stony shore or beneath the water, and found nothing.
Could the blast from the water made her loose her footing, slip and hit her head? Could she be down the current, unconscious? Or worse, drowning?
Sasuke ward off the unease twisting in his gut as he kicked off his shoes and went to the river, not even bothering to roll up his pants. He sifted through the water, the cold biting into his legs. At calling her a third time it occurred to him that he could use his Sharingan to help locate her.
He pinpointed her chakra signature at the other side of the river, and he sighed in relief, making his way to her. Padding barefoot on the stony bank of the river, he noted that his knees were weak, and his hands were faintly shaking. He shook his head as he rounded an imposing bolder, irritation over his emotionality coating his voice before he thought better of it.
"Sakura, I've been calling your name—"
The words died in Sasuke's throat as she turned to him, her shirt wide open, revealing a lean pale stomach, a pretty white bra covering her breasts and a gash running the length of her rib to her waist. Blood was also running on one side of her temple and behind her thighs and legs, but he noticed those belatedly.
"W-what happened?" he asked as he approached her and then at realizing the state of her undress, turned around.
"I slipped and fell," she answered, not sounding as embarrassed as he was, just sluggish. "I didn't want to worry you, so I went here to clean up and heal…ah, I have been trying to fight off the dizziness… so I can do that."
Sasuke's eyes widened as he faced her, meeting her gaze. There was only barely-there recognition. She was standing up by sheer will alone. He might have admired her strength, but it was opaqued by the concern that she might have a concussion.
"I'm going to carry you," he told her as he stepped closer to her, deciding then that it would be ideal to return to their supplies. He could treat her and then settle themselves for the night near the river where he could closely monitor her.
Sakura nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck without much instruction, her black obi hanging lamely in her hand. She hissed as he hefted her into his arm, rubbing against the cuts behind her legs as he secured his grip. Once he was sure his hold wouldn't falter, he made his way back carefully.
Sasuke sat her down next to their bags once he weaved through the waterfall and the river. After he examined her carefully, he placed his hand on the back of her head where the wound was bleeding from. He tried to remember what he saw with his Sharingan and what she had told him in the Land of Earth and began healing.
Sakura sighed heavily. "Thank you, Sasuke. I'm starting to feel much better."
He studied the now healed wound on her head, sifting his fingers on her scalp to make sure he had done a proper job. Satisfied, he turned his attention to the chakra in her hands as she treated the cuts behind her legs.
Without much thought, he said, "I can help with that…if you want."
Sakura studied him for a moment, biting her bottom lip in hesitation, before nodding. As she removed her damp shirt, she explained, "I know I messed up my back pretty bad when I fell, but I can't reach it."
Sasuke stared at the long cuts on her back. Though they appeared shallow, they were deep enough to drip blood in pale thin streaks along her skin. Her bra was completely stained from the back. He swallowed and moved so he could be directly in front of it. And also, far away from her curious eyes.
He had debated whether he should have his hand on her or not, but ultimately decided not to. He knew Sakura might feel vulnerable being this exposed and he did not want to take advantage of that or impose himself.
Minutes passed as they worked in silence, only broken when Sakura requested a wet cloth so she could clean the blood from her legs. She rubbed on her skin, and he directed his attention to the gash along her rib and waist, ignoring their nearness for the sake of being efficient.
"You're really good at it," Sakura commented, twisting so she could regard him.
Sasuke's mind went blank for a second and all he could manage was a "huh".
"At this healing stuff, you're a natural. Not that I doubted you." He almost sighed in relief when she returned her focus on wiping her legs. "If you wanted to, you could have been a medical-nin just like me."
"I don't have the charisma for that," he said too bluntly.
Sakura chuckled and he thought it was too endearing to be directed at him. "Oh, I don't know."
"You give me too much credit."
"Or not enough."
A beat of quiet as he finished healing. He shifted as soon as the last of the wound knitted close, ready to walk away and give her privacy. "Done."
"Hey," she said, stopping him and handing him the damp cloth. "Would you mind?"
Not knowing how to tell her no, Sasuke sank on his knees again.
His heart raced as he gently dabbed at her back, not wanting to cause her discomfort, and then sunk as he realized dabbing wasn't helping at all. With a little more courage, he applied pressure as he rubbed the cloth along her glistening back. Hyperaware of the way Sakura lifted her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around herself, exhaling deeply. The trembling in his hand returned and he closed his eyes, steadying himself.
How pathetic, he chastised himself, wanting to slip into a dissociated state of self.
He worked fast and excused himself the first chance he could.
That night as he laid awake, sleep unsurprisingly escaping him, he thought. Dreadfully wondering like he tended to do… but this time the focus of his contemplation was her. Only her. There was no room for the tragic past or the fearful future, just the steadying present in the shape of her.
As he looked at her sleeping form inside her bedroll, blissfully unaware of the fact that empaled his soul, he shuddered. He hadn't known when he had decided that or why he was just understanding this. Unconscious as the deliberation had been the truth was undeniable.
Just as much, he was cognizant that he was walking down a road there was no turning back from.
It became ever clearer that Sasuke was trudging the unknown.
He could feel it in the way his body was acutely perceptive of her every whim, anticipating her every thought and action. Like a shadow, everywhere they went he was a foot away, looming. He had not considered how it may appear to outsiders looking in and Sakura didn't seem to notice or comment on it either. That was until, in the Land of Sound, helping a village of rice fields who had recently been affected by a storm that razed their land, they separated—her to treat the injured, him to help the men with the reconstruction of their houses and structures.
He watched her go with a wary feeling that must have been plain on his face for one of the men, who he later knew to be named Daiki, lingered, and said, "Your wife has been an answer to our prayers."
His words were enough to snap Sasuke back from his thoughts. Embarrassed, all he could sputter was, "She's not my wife."
Daiki was surprised by that. "Why not? She seems to be taken by you as well."
Sasuke didn't answer, not wanting to dispel the man (or maybe himself). He glimpsed at Sakura one more time as she disappeared into the distance and wondered if he was right. As the arduous labor began at one of the worst parts of the rice fields, his focus shifted to the task at hand and he all but forgot about it.
Hours later, as heavy rain pelted down on the makeshift tent of the food kitchen, he thought about it again.
Sakura and Sasuke sat huddled together on one of the long wooden tables made from the scraps of a fallen house, eating supper with the villagers after a hard day of work. A gust of wind blew in rain and Sakura's arms got covered in goosebumps as she fought a chill with a roll of her eyes.
"Are you cold?" he asked and before she even gave an answer, he stood, removed his poncho, and offered it to her.
"I—eh, thank you, Sasuke," she said, pulling it over herself and hiding part of her chin over the collar, sighing.
He nodded and pretended not to feel the burning gaze of the people around them. Daiki's earlier words sprung to mind, and he fought the blush that stung his cheeks by shoving a piece of cabbage from his mille-feuille nabe soup into his mouth. When that wasn't enough, he brought the bowl to his lips and drank some of the broth.
No wonder the man thought he was her husband. He was as smothering as one.
If Sakura sensed anything, she didn't mention it. Instead, she looked out into the rain, distracted.
"Hey," he said, breaking her from her spell. "Are you alright?"
She blinked into herself and smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Yes, it's just been a long day. I've been trying to make do with what I have but there isn't a lot to work with."
"Do you want me to help?" he offered. "Maybe I can split my time. Be with you half a day and with the men the other."
Sakura shook her head, looking tired and worn. "No, no. There is so much to do. I don't want to delay the reconstruction when everyone is eager to get back on their feet again. Although, I think we might be here a couple of weeks."
Sasuke nodded in agreement, stirring the cabbage in his soup with his chopsticks. "From experience, I can assure you that."
"You know," she said, something in her voice drawing him to her face, "This is not as easy as it looks, but you make it seem like it's the simplest thing. I'm very proud of you."
"You shouldn't be. This doesn't make up for everything I've done."
Sakura placed her cold hand on top of his and he felt warm honey spread in his stomach. "Perhaps it already has or perhaps it never will. Regardless, you could have decided to do anything else in the world after the war, but you're here helping and serving others. You are owning up to what you did, you're conscious of your mistakes. Not everyone can do that. So, I don't care what you say. I'm proud of you."
"Thank you," he muttered, wanting to push down the joy her words brought forth. He knew well not to trust a good moment… but here he was, nervously sliding his hand from beneath hers to place them on top. He started rubbing her fingers, warming them. At the strange look she gave him, he clarified, "Your hand is cold."
"Hands," she corrected as she slipped her other hand on top of his, so he was holding both. "And thanks right back at you."
As he held her hands, Sasuke sensed something crumbling down.
He could feel it in his heart as he stared deep into her bottomless eyes. The distant sound of walls collapsing faint as drowning in inviting pools of glimmering emerald commanded all his attention. So used to going under, his lungs had built a hearty supply. He could be submerged for long hours (and even days) without breaking for air. Sasuke didn't worry about identifying commodities just yet.
It was three days later that he could accurately name what lain in ruin.
A boy from the village came to him late in the afternoon where he and the men were working on the roof of a house, handing him a piece of paper before scurrying off. The note scribbled in Sakura's handwriting let him know he should not expect her.
A patient has taken a turn and I won't be able to join you for supper. Don't wait for me.
He had not given it a second thought as he worked until sunset, having dinner with the village children who mustered enough courage to sit with him. After finishing his meal, Sasuke indulged them with a game or two before retiring for the night with a wave of his hand. When he arrived at the little hut the men constructed for the "helpers of the Leaf", he found it empty. He wanted to lay awake and wait for Sakura, but the day's work caught up with his body as soon as he laid his head.
Sasuke's eyes snapped opened when he heard shuffling and sniffling an hour or so later, piercing the quiet of the night. He sat up quick as soon as he made out Sakura's form hunched, knees drawn to her chest, arms wrapped around her legs, head buried, shaking as she silently cried.
He crawled up to her gently, his hand hesitating inches from her back as he remembered how it looked that day in the waterfall, stripped and bare.
"What is it, Sakura?" Sasuke whispered softly, bringing his hand to her shoulder instead.
She startled at his touch. Lifting her head, she looked at him, a mix between surprise and misery. She wiped at her face quickly, cleared her throat and said, "I thought you were sleeping."
Recovering quickly, he told her, "I'm a light sleeper."
Sakura shrugged halfheartedly. All traces of her tears were gone, only the sadness in her eyes remained. "Not all the time. You cry when you sleep sometimes."
Sasuke was thankful for the dark as a humiliating flush spread through his body. He thought of denying it, but why deny something they both knew was true. She'd seen it already and chose not to say anything until now.
He shook his head, concentrating on the matter at hand. "Why are you crying?"
"Why do you?"
He swallowed, jaw working. He wanted to help her, wanted her to open up to him, to let him bare some of the weight, but to do that he needed to give a little too. "I, um…"
Sakura stared intently, intrigued by the way he was stumbling over his words before wincing. Understanding his discomposure, she cut in by explaining, "My patient died, and I couldn't do anything about it."
Sasuke shot her a grateful look despite himself. Even though he was trying to comfort her, she ended up comforting him. He ignored the guilt it produced by focusing on what she just told him. "I'm sure you did, Sakura."
She huffed dismissively, her frustration eminent on her face. "If I did, I would have known about the blood clot."
"Oh," Sasuke mumbled, at a loss for words, then he squeezed her shoulder. "I'm sorry."
Sakura sighed shakingly. "Yeah, me too." Her face slowly started to contort, eyes glassy. She rubbed an exasperated hand up and down her face, then she rested it on top of his. "I feel like I'm back at the tents again. I wish I could help everyone, but I can't."
While she stared at one spot on the dirt floor, unfocused, lost to her thoughts, he watched her. Watched the way she made slow circles with her thumb on his hand, unaware that she was even doing it, making him feel like the air was charging with friction. He was too conscious of his body, like it might betray him any moment.
Sasuke cleared his throat and slowly removed his hand from her shoulders, lest something where to happen. At having her attention, he said, "I understand how you feel. I wish I could reach places faster and do more. I know it's not the technically the same—"
"No, it is… in a way." She offered a smile and though it didn't quite seem all that cheerful, he felt some relief at the sight. "We just want to help the best we can."
That frustration from earlier returned as she walked over to her bedroll, unzipped it, and said, "I just need to remind myself that the best is all I can do…but it's hard, you know." She laid in her bedroll and stared at the wooden ceiling, at the small holes that filtered the glow of the moon. "Some kid doesn't have a mother anymore. A husband doesn't have a wife. If I had seen the signs, I could have stopped it."
Sasuke walked over to his own bedroll but just sat on it. "I'll keep you company tomorrow, help with what you need."
"No, Sasuke—"
"Please, Sakura. Let me. Other than yourself, I'm the only other person that knows a bit about healing."
"But the reconstruction, the men—"
Sasuke waved, settling inside his bedroll. "They'll get over it."
She looked at him, chin wrinkling with the effort to hold back her tears. "Okay, but just until everything is under control, then you go back."
"Of course," he agreed to appease her, settling into the thin cushion of the bedroll.
After, there was silence, nocturnal sounds breaking the stillness of the night. Sleep was slowly blanketing his mind, his consciousness a tenuous thing, when he heard her whisper, "Thank you for being a good friend."
And far out into the distance or as close as his heart was to his ears, he finally made out the low echoes still rumbling in the wake of the destruction from three days ago. His guard. That was the thing that had fallen, like those great imposing ships at sea, and it was now that he came do understand it, as his soul let her words wrap around it and sink him further.
It was too late to stop its aftereffects.
Sasuke knew it was an exchange, a dance of sorts. To receive you must be willing to give. He didn't know he was giving exuberantly more than what he thought, was the thing. Of his time, energy, and effort. He had never been so compelled before.
For two weeks straight, he was there with her. Aiding her with what she needed and using his chakra as much as he was able without collapsing. The work done there was more exhaustive than the physical labor he could have done with the village men, and he was quick to tell her that. Her response was to chuckle like she already knew and pat him on the shoulder.
Eventually, when things were manageable, he returned to the men and the reconstruction, and proceeded to see each other in the mornings and afternoons. Days blended together between the motions. It was the middle of June when their stay at the Land of Sound was over.
A small crowd was seeing them off the morning of their departure. Daiki's tan face was one of the many he recognized amongst the group, along with some of the young children who had attached to his hip after playing with them once or twice in the evenings.
There was a trio of girls he remembered volunteering when he was helping Sakura at the infirmary, but he didn't know them personally. As they stared openly at them and giggled to themselves, he wondered if he should have. Or if perhaps he missed something.
When they are a safe distance away, Sasuke asked Sakura about it.
"They think you're my husband," she explained with an amused yet irritated sigh. "I thought they finally understood when I told them you were just a good friend, and they shouldn't tease—I knew you wouldn't like that—but I guess not. And where would they get that idea anyway?"
He shrugged, deciding not to mention how he had been told the same. He looked up at the sky as they walked, tracking the clouds, and speculating whether she turned a blind eye specifically for him. Couldn't she see how suffocating he was being? Or maybe she thought it impossible by now.
Sakura laughed after a beat or two, clearly still thinking about it. "How absurd is that, right?"
Sasuke smiled to keep up with the ruse, but as the day progressed and the temperature dropped the closer they got to the Land of Frost, he couldn't help frowning. Was it truly so absurd? Then again, this was the second time she had blessed him with that tittle. Friend. Hadn't he always been that? Why did it bother him now?
We don't act like normal friends, the answer came after some consideration. At least not like they use to be. The fact that it was just the two of them alone made the journey more personal than it had to be. Their close proximity was constant and almost conjoined. They walked, talked, ate, and slept next to each other. Not only that, but there would be lingering touches. Knowing smiles. Loaded stares.
Sasuke sighed deeply, watching Sakura's back as she walked a little ahead of him with exasperation.
You're annoying, he thought halfheartedly.
If he were being honest, he was annoyed at himself. For caring too much. For actually being upset that he was reduced to such a common status, one easily designated to a stranger in passing. Especially since it was his own doing. This had been all he ever wanted when he was young and prideful. When he couldn't even properly fathom how hollow it would feel like.
Most of all, he was annoyed that he couldn't help looking at the family crest on her back and picture his own. When had he even begun to think that far ahead? And more troubling, when did it stop being so absurd?
Sakura had hunched down to look at some flowers and he almost stepped over her—being too distracted looking anywhere else. She shrieked as he pivoted and stumbled a few steps before regaining his balance with a grunt.
"I'm sorry," she chuckled as she plucked a few of the scarce flowers scattering the frozen ground, the incident already forgotten.
To keep his cool, he held back the need to tell her it was his fault. He had been the one who hadn't been looking.
"Here," she handed him a tiny yellow flower from where she crouched on the ground.
Sasuke took it, their fingers brushing. At his confused expression, she chuckled again and rose to her feet. "I always wanted to give you flowers."
Even more bewildered, he asked, "Why?"
"Because I saw them and thought of you. Does there have to be a special reason?"
"Oh," he heard himself say as he stared down at the delicate flower, mulling over her words.
"Have you ever gotten flowers before?" she asked curiously.
He thought of his mother and felt a pang of grief. He shook his head, trying to brush off the memory. Not necessary meaning it to be interpreted as an answer.
Sakura offered the other yellow flower she had in her hand. "Well, have another then."
Sasuke cleared his throat, fighting off the hand he felt wrapped around his neck. He shook his head again, thinking a second time ought to do it. "What about you?"
As if realizing, she looked down at the singular flower in her hand and then up, a shrewd smile on her lips. Right on cue, his stomach stirred. "I guess we can share, right?"
He nodded and continued down their path, examining his gift as he turned the stem between his fingers. We are not normal friends, the thought persisted.
Friends don't give friends flowers. Do they? It wasn't like he had a lot of friends he could contrast her with. He knew Naruto would not give him flowers. And he would not act the way they did, that was for sure. Certainly, he would not be confused for his husband. His frowned deepened. Why did he care anyway?
"You're still angry about what I said earlier," she commented hours later.
They were near the border of the Land of Frost, sitting close to a hefty fire built to shield them from the cold. Sasuke hoped it would last them the night but knew better than to think it would. The rain and snow carried with the wind and with no one tending it, it would smother out in minutes. To prepare for this, they set up their tent, something they rarely do. If ever.
He wished they could have reached their destination sooner, but darkness beat them to it, and they did not want to risk braving the cold and snow for the sake of it.
"They are just young girls," Sakura rambled as she reached for some of the kindling they had gathered and fed a few sticks to the fire. "You know how they are. They think themselves to be in love and they romanticize everything. They didn't mean anything by it. They're harmless."
He nodded in passing, but then his eyes widened as the words found their mark and he finally finally understood why he was sulking over something he deemed so inconsequential.
He didn't think the girls were blinded by their youth like Sakura suggested. If that were so, why would people from two different demographics think them married? What others have they encountered believed the same thing? And could he blame them? Of course, they would assume so. He was no better than those teenage girls.
Sasuke was afraid to look at Sakura and confirm his suspicions, even as he knew them to be true. The signs were right there in front of him—his irritating nervousness, the way he was rendered a sputtering idiot, his weak knees, the chilling thrill of their closeness, the pounding of his heart, his trembling hands, his unbashful hankering, and the way his thoughts tended for the crude.
"Sasuke?" she said his name as if she had been trying to get his attention for a while.
He looked at her and shuddered at what he found there. "Huh?"
"I asked if you were okay. You're worrying me."
"No," he lied, turning to the fire, and avoiding her gaze. "No. I'm fine. I'm just thinking of the journey ahead."
"Is that it?" she questioned. "You zoned out for a minute or two. Is there something else on your mind?"
You.
Sasuke closed his eyes, blocking it all out. "No. I'm just tired."
"Oh," she said, relaxing beside him, "Why don't you go sleep? I'll keep the fire going."
"Thank you," he mumbled as he got up and went to their tent without glancing at her.
Inside, he just stared at the ceiling dumbly. Heart racing. Hands sweating despite the cold. Sleep the last thing on his mind.
They think themselves to be in love.
But he didn't think that. He knew. He was totally convinced of it. Sasuke couldn't be sure for how long he had known or when it started. Maybe in the Mist, when she almost died. Or sooner, when he left for his journey three years go. Maybe he loved her since the first day he met her, and he was merely conscious of it now. He let himself a moment to bask in the fact, feeling lightheaded.
This died quickly as another thought sprung to mind.
It was no use entertaining these feelings if Sakura saw him as a friend. A good one at that.
She seems to be taken by you as well, Daiki had told him.
How would he be able to tell? To him, she treated him no different. Or that was what he thought. He considered them not to be normal friends, but he had never had a female friend before. Perhaps that was where the difference lay. Maybe this was normal.
Regardless, it was easier if he put the matter to rest. He would save himself a world grief this way. He had humored the idea too much as it was. Their journey would end, and this would pass, he was sure of it.
AN: Hi, guys! I know it has been a while since I posted. I just had the story fragmented and didn't know how to piece it together. Initially his was going to be a really long chapter that would encompass their entire relationship. It would be like 20+ pages, but I thought it would be too daunting to read and I wouldn't know when I would be able to update if that where the case. I have some of the next chapter written and know where I want to head the story, so hopefully it won't take long. But don't hold me on that.
I want be able to respond to the comments like I use to but I really want to get this chapter out to you guys, so my thanks to: dancinglitchis, kickasskunoichi, b.n.z.l.l, StrengthofaHundred, obssessedbtch and the guest for leaving a comment. I read them and appreciate it.
Let me know yours thoughts on this on and until next time. See you!
P.S. For those wondering, I passed my licensing exam! Thanks to those who sent their well wishes in the comments 3