In this chapter the desperation will be mirrored. I feel you.
Ding dong.
Stepping back to wait in front of the door after she pushed the bell, Sakura held her breath of excitement which started tingling her belly.
She was carrying the goody bag that contained Sasuke's cardigan from that night. If it was not for the cardigan she would not had any good reason to set her foot in front of Sasuke's apartement tonight. Hope he's home already.
Sasuke had been hard to reach since the last time they met at the exhibition. Sakura was also busy on her part, so there was nothing new about two or three days without contact. But, after almost a month and a half—since the last two-lines of reply he gave her—it is normal for her to back off, or perhaps she couls use this chance to boldly initiate her agenda.
As she had chosen the later, she wanted to push for the second time. She was kind of startled as she was about to do so, the door was ajar. Moreover that face was not the one she expected to see.
Madoka on the other hand—although perplexed to see the uninvited guest—she remarked curtly, "Why are you here?"
She could said the same thing to Madoka, yet Sakura stood there speechless. Her mind was buzzing with the rush of her own thoughts.
Sasuke was with her? What are they doing at this late night? Should I ask? Shit—no, no, please calm down for a sec! I probably look stupid I should say something. She was clearly rejecting her presence here, just ask her already, Sakura!
Madoka was tilting her head, as if in hurry she asked Sakura once more, "Do you wish to see, Sasuke? He's—"
"It's fine, it's too late for a visit anyway." Thank God, she held her dignity not wanting to pry.
"Are you sure?"
"I just want to give him this."
Nonchalantly Madoka took the goody bag, she stared at Sakura with suspicious eyes. And the look on Sakura's face did not made Madoka sympathize with her at all. She already had her plate full which was ready to drag her down any moment.
Sakura nodded her head and turned around to walk to the elevator at the opposite wall. Madoka watched as the elevator's door closed, then she closed the front door only to find Sasuke was staring at her from the living room.
"Why they're not come inside?" He asked expecting Naruto or Itachi coming with her. But, he saw the strange goody bag with her instead.
"She said, she just want to drop this."
"Who?"
"Haruno Sakura."
Sasuke's eyebrows furrowed immediately. "What? Why don't you tell me?"
Madoka handed the goody bag to Sasuke. "I thought our meeting should be private, isn't it?"
He was confused to see the inside of it. The cardigan he was supposed to lend her that night—that particular night.
Eventhough unintentionally, Sasuke was aware that he had been neglecting Sakura's messages and calls over this past month. And she was coming all the way here to see him, but she met Madoka instead. Shit. What kind of thought could running through her mind right now.
/
The night went colder as it went darker. The road full of pedestrian who was coming back from work or on their way to have fun with friends on the friday night.
Sakura walked the road with fuzzy head she bumped her body twice with another pedestrian. She was barely looking at the road ahead as her mind still wandering over Sasuke's front door, then to the times they had spent together.
What's wrong with him, seriously. She could not stop the daunting thoughts. Stupid. I even had my morning shift changed with Kamisaki-san, I should cancel it now.
She really wanted to be angry, yet all she could felt was numb. She already had predicted this numbing pain—wisely she had no high expectation to begin with. Experience is indeed the best teacher, otherwise this could be ten times more painful.
Unbeknownst to her, Sasuke was running down the road to catch her.
"Sakura, I didn't know you're coming." Sasuke was gasping for air while holding her arm.
Not believing what she saw, "What— what are you doing?" she almost shouting.
"You should've—", called me, but Sasuke could not even dare to say the words. "Why are you going already?"
"It's… I just want to give back your cardigan."
Sasuke raised his eyebrows. "Is it because of Madoka? If it's really because of her, you're wrong, I could explain."
Trying to remain calm, she asked, "Explain to me about what exactly? About her?"
He felt the depth of dejected feeling and disappointment from inside her unfocused eyes. It sparks anger with a hint of sadness.
"We're just having a private meeting, the urgent one hence this late at night. Naruto and Itachi are on their way to join us, I was expecting them when it was actually you who came, that's why I let Madoka open the door."
Sasuke was always hate it when he had to explain himself. He would not even bat an eye about people's opinion, let alone bothered about what they were thinking.
"I thought I owe you an explanation, Sakura." And yet, here he eagerly wanted to do so.
Her furrowed deepen. "What's the rush?"
The sarcasm made Sasuke sighed. He tighten his grip to her arm. "I'm sorry."
"About what?"
"I would like to explain to you about what happen over this past month, but," he looked around as people were staring when they walked by, "not right now, not on the middle of the street."
"Wise call, because I don't think I could handle it all at once."
Sakura was thinking of how to articulated her feeling into words. She inhaled a long breath to steadied herself, "Frankly, I would appreciate it if you explain to me like maybe a month ago, it would've been great because I don't have to questioning myself about what could've been happen to you nor what is wrong with me so you kept ignoring me. But now, all of a sudden you said you want to explain, don't you think it's a bit too late for that?"
"I wish there's enough time and a simple way to tell you, I'd certainly do it earlier on. All we had was just a bad timing."
"I understand," she raised one hand to his face, "the time we had spent was just not enough for you to open up to me, so it's clear to me that I'm not your priority," as if wanted to point out the distance between them, she pulled his hand off of her, "and it's fine, Sasuke-kun, you have no obligation to explain anything further."
The fact that she started to forcing a smile made Sasuke worried even more. "Sakura," he was trying to reach to her again.
She shook her head lightly.
They both were looking all over the place for couple of minutes. The cluttering sound of the cutlery from the restaurants; the sound of the engine roaring on the road; the chattering and laughters of the pedestrian filled up the empty space between them. And they completely aware of how people whispering around them.
Out of frustation and a heavy heart, Sasuke let Sakura go. He watched as the fragile frame walked away from him until she eventually disappeared into crowds of pedestrian. He cursed loudly to the air; people were utterly scared they halted their way and took quite distance off of him. Then, he turned around to walk home.
/
h E R e • a F t E r
18.
/
Winter, 2021
Christmas Eve
The sun marrily hanging by the end of the horizon. Orange hue was blending with the shimmering road full of lights decoration. The Christmas jingle was playing aloud from inside the Department store across the street. Everyone was on their way to celebrate Christmas except for the cherry blossom haired lady who stood by the same tree of her name sake.
Sakura got a phone call from Akane Houra; who barging into her office today morning. "People were talking behind my back, you have to take your holiday this Christmas."
She remembered she only snorted at him, "What's got into you," but accept the offer anyway.
She wondered whether it was just an excuse or he was being honest. He cares about what people say, though, and especially about himself.
"I hope you could spare me some time to talk." He said over the phone; showing his card.
Finally, it makes sense to her.
A dark green Mini Cabrio pulled over right in front of her. "Sorry I'm late. Come on in."
"Merry Christmas, Akane-kun," she said awkwardly as she step inside of his car she hardly recognize. Another brand new car.
He offered her a hot coffee. "Do you mind if we talk inside the car? The traffic is horrific."
"Sure." She took her cup. What's the point making me taking the holiday if I could not fully enjoyed the 'luxury'.
"You have no appointment for this evening?"
"Actually, a week ago Uchiha invited me to their diner and I already said no, so yeah, I'm free as for now."
"Uchiha Sasuke is a lucky guy," said Akane followed with a deep sigh.
"Sorry, what?"
"I'm just saying. He's having the best time of his life."
"Says you?" She shoot her eyebrows high.
"And you."
A beat of silence. Both of them looking awkwardly on to the distance.
"What do you wanna say to me, Akane-kun?"
Another deep sighs. He turned his head toward her. "I want to apologize for what I've done to you."
Silence was deafing as Sakura still trying hard to grasp Akane's intention.
"Will you give us another chance? Give my parents another chance?"
The look on her face was now soften. "Just so you know, I never hate your parents. They're just doing their job to protect you, wanting the best for you, and they stated it very clearly to me that I'm in their way. And you have to understand as well, keeping distance from you is my way to respect your parents's decision for us."
He looked anxious toward her next words.
"About you want me to give us another chance, frankly speaking, Akane-kun, it had been done. Multiple times."
There it is, she broke his already broken feeling. However, he had expected her answer at least this much. It was indeed his fault in the first place.
He grunted. Closing his eyelids, he wished he could turn back the time. "I'm terribly sorry, Sakura," the cold and somber night gulfed him in desperation. "I thought I still have the chance—"
Suddenly something warm wrapped around him.
"You're Akane Houra. You seems always forget about how good you are. You said it yourself that we couldn't force this relationship."
His reputation and such were thrown off the windows the minute he felt her touch. He burst into tears. This is what he missed a lot about her, about them being together, he could be as vulnerable as a toddler in front of her.
"Now," she softly spoke, patting his shoulders, "I couldn't face you at work if you still like this."
He pushed both eyes with his thumbs. Fuck, dignity, I really wish you to be mine. He sucked a cold breath.
A small hesitant smile graced upon Sakura's face when he looked up. "At least let me take you to a dinner. It's Christmas night." He shoot his luck, shrugging his shoulders at the end.
"It is," she smirked, "dinner's fine."
/
Sakura's favourite izakaya was rather quiet than usual. She had picked the nearest neutral place to the hospital, so Akane would be around and could go instantly if the emergency floor needed him.
"Haven't they called you yet?" Sakura asked her partner.
The half lidded eyes made Akane worried. Another call came instead. "You want me to go?"
"Well, I think I should go home after this," she held her sake with one hand, while the others propped her chin.
Akane knew it too well, she always drunk herself everytime she tried to hide something. But tonight, it was more likely that she was trying to avoid him. "And going to bed?"
"Yeah, why? I should appreciate the freedom that you gave me."
"That's… " Akane went silent when the one who just called him arrived at the entrance. The dark aura seemed looming over him as he walked closer. Akane snorted.
His reaction confused Sakura. "What's going on?" She turned around to see what was in his line of view.
But, before she managed to utter her shocks, Sasuke already stood tall before her.
Face pointed up, "O! You coming here too?" the words came out slurred when Sakura said it. As an obvious fact of her drunken state.
"Why you don't pick up your phone?" He managed to ask in a stable voice, despite out of breath.
"I'm going to check the bills," said Akane reluctantly leaving Sakura with the tantrum-looking guy.
"The phone?" Sakura innocently looking all over the place for her mobile phone. "It's not here!"
"You said to me that you're gonna be working on Christmas Eve, but what are you doing here?"
She shook her head, "No, no, Akane-kun swaped up our schedule—since he never have on call duty on holidays—he wanted to have dinner also."
One of Sasuke's eyebrow twitched.
"Ah! I think I left my phone in his car."
Sasuke wanted to curse terribly. "He supposed to be in the hospital and working tonight, does he drinking too?"
"No, of course not!"
Her innocent face added the fuel to the fire. "Tch!" He muttered under his breath, "having dinner you said, huh? Swaping shift like it was not important in the slightest."
"We're going you know," she sulked like a child being scolded.
"Yeah, we are, I'm going to take her home since it's the route to the hospital."
Sasuke glanced behind his shoulders to where Akane was standing.
"I think I drop my phone in your car, Akane-kun, I should—"
Sasuke grab Sakura's arm when she was swaying away from the table right before she bump her body onto another customer next to her, "—You're going with me," his jaw clenched as he spoke.
"Let me tell you this," Akane sneered as he blocked Sasuke path, "just because she likes you, doesn't mean you could treat her however you want, Uchiha." Their faces inching closer, "be gentle with her!"
Sasuke now realized that his grip was too harsh he almost yank her arm. But, he is never the one to back down. "Please, save that to your parents."
Before he managed to shove Akane's body out of his way, the next thing happened had made the even quiet room went deadly silent as every pair of eyes staring straight at them for a brief moment.
A slap had flied across Sasuke's face, surely he did not see that coming. It was small not so delicate hand that felt burning upon his cheek.
Sakura held Sasuke's hand, using the same hand that had slapped him, in a tight grip, "I'll go home with him, Akane-kun," she then drag him out of the room.
The room went back to its normal bussiness as they left. Leaving Akane Houra froze on his place; hardly believing what just happened.
/
Sakura stomped outside the izakaya and kept walking while draging Sasuke behind her.
"Sakura, stop." He said after she made a hasty turn toward the long alley leading to her house.
She halted obediently; then taking in the cold air inside her lung for couple of times before she faced him.
"It must be hurt, I'm sorry," while still holding his hand, Sakura reached to his cheek with her free hand. "But, you do realize you're crossing the line."
He admits in silent, Sakura could saw it behind the lowering eyelids.
"I just don't get it. What are you so angry about? Is it the misscommunication, or the fact that I was with him?"
After taking a moment to moved his jaw like he tried to chew out his own tongue, he answered, "Little bit of both."
She halted with widen eyes. "Why?"
Again with the quandary as he mimicked what she did. "I am worried."
"I am more than capable to handle any situation whatever you're so worried about might happen to me. Incase you forget, I live almost my whole life alone, Sasuke-kun. And I'm fine."
"What about the meltdown you had at my place few months ago? And I think this scar begs to differ." He held her left wrist to her face.
Spontaneously she pulled back both of her hands.
A paused. "I didn't mean it that way."
"You're right. I really have nothing to say againts that." She shook her head lightly.
"It will haunt me forever if something bad ever happen to you—your scar already made me worry sick about you—I simply can't let anything happen."
A sudden sheer sensation shivering inside her chest. His words resonated with the eyes that resembled the night sky. Those are the endless depth which she willingly fall into over and over. There was no recourse from it.
So, she said it, "I love you," she said it with a low but steady voice; as she dug her nails to her palm, "I love you, Sasuke-kun."
The sudden confession sucked the life out of Sasuke. She looked how his expression absorbed the cold night as if it was freezing.
"You're still drunk." He managed to speak.
"I wish I am."
"I should get you home," he tried to move, but she held him in place.
"You—" she clung to his coat, "—owe me a lot of things to explain. But, at least for tonight, I just need to hear your answer."
The emerald started to get blurry. And his expression was getting softer at that. "What do you want me to say?"
"Does it really just a sympathy for me?" The tears running down as she tilted her head.
"No. I feel indebted to you and you means a lot to me because of that. But, if you expect me to give you more than that, I doubt that I can do that."
The snow started to fall dramatically above them. She noticed as she faced up the starless sky to hold back her tears.
"That's relieving, thank you," she wiped both of her cheeks from the burning tears.
Sakura had went from annoyed, to frustated, to sudden confession and now relieved; her mental state was the epitome of concernment, the reason why Sasuke was feeling anxious. His worry might even worsen after tonight.
She offered him a warm smile inwhich she only earned a confused and seemingly an annoyed look from him. "Shall we continue?" She said after taking time to studied his unfaltered facial expression.
The silent journey to her home was quick. The bustling street on Christmas eve was muted by wary thoughts for both of them.
Sakura staring at her feet when they arrived at her doorstep. She was trying to recollect her mind. It took a while, but, Sasuke waited patiently.
"I have no idea what I was thinking, but, this is not an impulsive act. I've been wanting to tell you for so long, I wish I could have this courage to tell you how I feel back when we were in Hokkaido." Her eyes reminiscing the old times, while looking into the obsidians in front of her.
She continued, "I'll wait if you want, but, unfortunately that's not the case."
"Sakura, please."
"I won't do anything that you wouldn't wanna do, I assure you. But, don't ask me to stop, having another chance to meet you is the best thing I could ask for, and this feeling only had made me feel—" she sucked a breath, "alive."
For the longest time she finally could feel her own presence. She kept leaning toward her true self; a strong-willed and so full of life version of herself.
"Are you considering this is the best for us?"
"It depends."
"For me, this is so out of the line."
They went silent.
The wrinkles on Sasuke's forehead started to get apart, he slacken his shoulders, and the fierce stare was getting softer. "Soon, you'll see it yourself why I couldn't do this, Sakura. I'll leave if you have nothing else to say."
He simply turned his body and left after Sakura nodding her head. She waited long staring at the sky after his presence was already gone.
Who doesn't love a little bit of irony