Hermione sank down on to the couch in her small apartment and closed her eyes. The exhaustion and strain that had been building up within her for the past couple of weeks was getting to an almost unbearable level. She was able to get through her days, teach her classes, put on the show…but she could feel that it was all coming to a head. She didn't know how much longer she could keep this up. She groaned softly as she thought about what this meant, that she was going to have to go back to St. Mungo's…she gripped her fists involuntarily as Malfoy's smug face swam before her eyes. Oh, how he would gloat…how he would laugh at her…tears tingled in the corners of her still closed eyes and then escaped, working their way down her cheeks. Hermione lowered her head into her hands, knowing that she couldn't fight what she was feeling anymore. Malfoy's face was suddenly replaced by Ron's, and the pain became unbearable. She missed him so much…she should have done something, anything, that night to save him. A cry of grief resounded throughout the apartment, and Hermione had the presence of mind to quickly cast the Muffliato spell before she sank to the floor and gave in to her pain. She pounded on the floor and screamed as the tears coursed down her face, but the only one who could hear was herself.

OOOOOOOooooOOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOooooo

Hermione felt as though she were dragging herself to the castle's front door the following morning. She had to force herself to take hold of the heavy front door and pull it open. Her feelings about Hogwarts were so conflicted these days…this was the last place that Ron had drawn breath, had walked, had fought, had kissed her, had lived. That alone drew her here, made her need to be here, crave being within the castle walls in an almost obsessive way. Headmistress MacGonagal did not know that it was against the advice of the Healers that Hermione come here to work. They had strongly encouraged her to apply to one of the other magical schools, telling her that with her skills and experience she could get a job anywhere. But this was where she needed to be. Even though it wasn't getting any better, even though she now saw Ron in other corridors, in classrooms, in the Great Hall, on the staircases. Always looking at her, an accusatory expression on his face. The last time this had happened, she had actually cried out "I'm sorry, I should have protected you, I should have saved you!" and then quickly looked around in horror to make sure no one had witnessed her outburst. She was intelligent enough to know that she was punishing herself, subjecting herself to this self-induced penance she felt she deserved, but whenever she was away from the castle, her anxiety only grew. She didn't belong in the world of Muggle London and she didn't belong in the Wizarding community either. For better or worse, Hogwarts was where she had to be, the only place she could survive.

She tried to avoid Malfoy as much as possible, not liking the way he looked at her. It was almost as though he could see through the spells she painstakingly applied, could see the shadows under her eyes, could see the hidden weight loss, could see the Hermione was slowly fading away. She had to grit her teeth every time she overheard the students talking about what a great teacher he was, how much they were enjoying his Defense classes. She had almost flown into an uncontrollable rage when she actually heard a student comparing him to Dumbledore. As it turned out, the only thing the student noticed were Hermione's hands shaking, which she quickly attributed to the little known after effects of a recent Charm. She had forced a smile and left that hallway immediately, trying not to hear the mocking whispers that followed her departure.

On this particular day, she made her way to her office, thankfully not seeing any visions of Ron lurking around the corners, to get ready for her class. She spread all of her notes and materials out on her desk and tried to lose herself in the day's lesson.

She was just in the process of gathering up everything and putting a "touch up" spell on her face when there was a knock on her door.

She took a deep breath and opened the door with a wave of her wand. A nervous looking third year student stood at the threshold. "Professor Granger? I'm sorry to bother you, but I was asked to deliver this to you." He held out a folded piece of parchment. Hermione recognized Neville's magical seal holding it closed. She thanked the student and turned away to read the message. Neville wanted to meet with her, to discuss the progress of one of their mutual students, on the seventh floor immediately. Hermione sighed. She had only about ten minutes before her class started. That gave her only a few minutes to meet with Neville. She decided to go, because Neville was one of her only true friends. She decided that she would have the discussion for those few minutes, and then reschedule if they still had more to talk about. Grasping her class materials, she left her office and locked the door behind her with a spell.

The corridor on the seventh floor was unusually quiet. She had expected to see students rushing to their next class, but there was no one.

"Neville?" She called uncertainly, and then "Oh, there you are" as a figure appeared from around a corner. She moved closer, and then stopped short. "You!" It wasn't Neville that was standing there, it was Malfoy. Looking as though they had had a prearranged meeting. Hermione gripped her wand tightly. "Where is Neville? He asked me to meet him up here." Instead of looking confused, Malfoy smiled.

"He had an emergency with a student. He asked me to wait for you and explain. He told me quickly what he was meeting with you about, and as it turns out, I need to discuss that particular student with you as well." He indicated that she should walk with him. Hermione reluctantly joined him.

"I have a class in a few minutes…"

He waved his hand. "Don't worry, I won't take up too much of your time."