At the river
But it indeed had happened. For the next few days at Hogwarts, Lily would have barely noticed the change if she hadn't now been completely attentive to Sev's every little reaction.
Although he continued to treat her with apparent naturalness, she noticed his smiles were somewhat forced, he used to become more self-absorbed than usual, and one day when she hugged him she felt him tense up completely, as if the contact had hurt him, and he gently but firmly pushed her away from him few seconds later.
But the worst were the looks. Rather, the absence of them. Now that Lily had finally understood the deep meaning of them, longing to read it again, Sev did not offer them to her again. Only from time to time did he cross his black eyes fleetingly, absently, as a mere formality.
Lily tried to brush it off, attributing it to the disappointment he must have felt at being mocked. She concentrated on the exams, they continued studying together at times, there was no lack of camaraderie between them and she continued to be open and affectionate, hoping to heal the wound that she had caused and that she also felt open inside her.
The holidays arrived, and the hope that she had placed in a greater rapprochement away from school was quickly dashed.
She went to look for him several times to Spinner's End, they had tea with Eileen and went out for a while, but they never sat down on the riverbank again, where she had fantasized that there might be a new and luckier occasion for the kiss that never happened.
Sev preferred to walk the streets of his run-down neighborhood, sometimes even a step ahead of her, who tried to keep up with his long strides. "How he has grown," she thought, with the feeling that the estrangement was not only physical, that she could never catch up with him.
On other occasions he would open his door without inviting her in, excusing himself, always kindly, that he was studying. "What a bad excuse! If we always study together." Or that he had to accompany his mother on some errand.
He never came looking for her to her house, and only a few times did he show up unannounced at the park, when he often did before. But far from being infected by his indifference, her stubbornness made her even more determined that she had to get him back.
She found herself thinking of him almost at any moment, when she walked through the neighborhood every corner reminded her of him. She felt doubly stupid for not appreciating him when she was on time and hanging onto him like that when she wasn't. They were like two ships passing each other in the night without actually seeing each other.
One afternoon, after several days without meeting, she steeled herself, determined to talk openly with him, to put him against the ropes if necessary and confess what she was beginning to feel without knowing what label to put on it yet.
She dressed in her best Muggle outfit, headed towards Spinner's End, knocked energetically on the door of the humble dwelling. A few seconds later she heard inside it an angry and clearly drunk voice.
"Severus! They've knocked on the door! What are you waiting to open?"
Tobias was in the house. She heard the steady strides approaching and the door opened. A visibly shaken Sev changed his face from anger when he finally looked directly at her, but in his eyes she could see only fear and conflict.
"Lily… what are you doing here?" he said her in a whisper. He took her hand as he stepped out onto the sidewalk, closing the door just a crack. "My father is at home, you can't come in."
Lily knew only too well the problems Sev and his mother had with Tobias, and it came back to her mind how she had learned, years ago, of the seriousness of the situation.
When they had just met, Sev let her known from time to time and without giving it importance that his parents were always fighting because Tobias did not like that his mother and he were witches, and that he did not let her use magic at home. "He envies us, like your sister," he used to tell her.
Later, during the summer after their second year at Hogwarts, when they were thirteen, and although Lily's parents had forbidden it because it was contaminated, they got into the habit of bathing in the river, and she always found it strange that Sev never took off his shirt to do it. One of those afternoons, playing in the water, she had begun to pick him.
"Why do you bathe dressed? Then you always go home wet. Come on, take it off."
Meanwhile, she struggled with him, grabbing the bottom of the shirt, laughing amusedly, trying to lift it up to take it off. He could have used his force to stop her, but he couldn't conceive of using violence on her, so he tried to free himself from her by running backwards towards the shore, tripping and falling backwards, dragging her with him, for she was still clinging to the garment.
Lily fell kneeling between his legs, leaning over his body, supported by her hands on either side of him. She had finally managed to lift his damn shirt, revealing his belly and his chest.
But what could have been a tender and sensual scene, turned into a drama when Lily discovered the bruises in different color phases, purple, greenish or slightly yellowish, contrasting with her friend's pale skin.
"Sev… what happened to you…?"
When she looked up into his face there was a hatred in his eyes that she had never seen before. She was speechless and released her grip, realizing the cause of his injuries. He took advantage of it to crawl away from her backwards.
"Sev, I'm sorry, I didn't know…"
He was already up and out of the river, hurrying to gather the rest of his clothes. Lily scrambled to her feet as Sev ran barefoot up the slope.
She wanted to follow him, but she was also barefoot, in a bathing suit, and her knees were weak from the pain of the fall. She only managed to yell at him, "Sev! Come back! Excuse me please!"
She didn't know if he heard her, because he was already far away from her and he didn't turn to look at her.
She spent days without seeing him, because he did not go to the park where they used to meet. She didn't go looking for him at his house either, thinking that he was still angry with her. She was getting more and more worried, she even thought about telling her parents, but she dismissed it for not humiliating him even more.
When he finally showed up a week later, he behaved as if nothing had happened, and though Lily was itching to ask him how he was and get him to confide in her, she couldn't bring herself to affront him again.
They went back to the river a few other times, but Sev didn't want to bathe anymore, he stayed on the riverbank watching her. On a couple of occasions she managed to talk him into getting into the water, but he did so at a safe distance from her and Lily respected him, making no move to approach him.
She knew what a burden problems with his father put on him and she also remembered what he had to endure at school, and understood the dark and difficult way he was. She feared for him, she had more experiences of what could happen with Tobias in the house and without the possibility of using magic.
She wanted to protect him, save him from everything, even from himself. She came up with it right then and said, "Come to my home, you can stay in the guest room, I'll explain it to my parents.
Sev rolled his eyes and sighed. "You know I can't leave my mother alone with him. In fact, I have to try to get him out of here before I go back to school."
Lily understood even more. Beneath the tough facade he displayed to everyone but her, Sev was noble and brave, willing to protect those he cared about to the last consequence.
"Who is it? Why do you stand at the door?" Tobias' unpleasant cry was heard inside.
Sev didn't answer, his face hardened, and his eyes flashed with anger. He took her by the shoulders and stared at her, his expression grave, and his voice when speaking was very firm, yet silky as always. "You must go now, and don't come back here like last time, I just don't need him to take it out on you too. I'll be fine, don't worry, I'll use the wand again if need be. I found out that you don't get kicked out of school without a trial. We'll meet on the Express."
Lily's spirits fell at her feet, all her hopes shattered. There was almost a month left to go back to Hogwarts, and that was if Sev came back. She felt her eyes full of tears about to well up and she only managed to answer him, her voice cracking, "Okay… be very careful… please."
And she turned quickly so that he wouldn't see her crying, only he still had to take care of her too, hurrying down the sidewalk. She didn't know until a time later when he told her, he stood at his door watching her walk away, looking at her in that way she missed so much, until she turned the corner.