Sigh…okay, so. I know this chapter isn't exactly as long as some of my previous chapters. I will admit, I haven't gotten around to this story since August of 2021, and it wasn't until recently when I began to work and finish it as a two-parter. Let's just say that personal life problems ended up taking priority, I ended up in graduat school that was super intense, on top of me doing an internship.
However! It's all okay! Because here I have brought you part one of the confrontation between Subaru and his Shadow! Here's hoping you enjoy this confrontation, and feel free to let me know how you feel about it!
Disclaimer: This is by no means my property of any kind. Please support the official release!
Chapter 6: My True Self
I'm not special.
I never was.
I'm not even remotely good at everything I used to be.
Of course, that's to be expected. Considering I did nothing since high school...it was stupid to think I could change anything.
Why am I even here?
Why did I come to Inaba?
Why…
The barbed thoughts clung onto Subaru's mind, unnatural in how recent they popped into his head. As if a surgeon had ripped a cavity into his skull and jammed in toxic sludge that permeated his mind. Subaru's body grew stiff and cold, his fists curled up and clammed up in a cold sweat as if he had been drenched in iced water. His eyes were disgustingly narrow, the whites of his eyes overtaking his visage as he stared back at...something unnatural.
Unnatural and yet familiar. Disgustingly so. It wore the same skin as Subaru and resembled him in an uncanny fashion only meant for a nightmare. Its eyes were Sanpakugan, but outside of that, they leered with disgusting malice behind them. Its crooked smirk twisted its features to a gross twisted amusement and raised its head in appraisement.
"What? Are you deaf?" The thing mocked him with a grin, snapping Subaru out of his thoughts. It stretched his arms as it looked around the room. "C'mon, I know you're not that stupid!"
"D-Dude...what's going on…?!" Suddenly, Yosuke spoke from beside Subaru, but he was too much in a daze and shock to register it coherently. "T-There's...two Natsuki's?"
"And why does...he looks so smug about it?" Chie replied, only slightly annoyed at how this thing mocked Subaru.
"You…" Subaru shook his head slowly but kept looking with dreadful eyes at his...no, at the thing in front of him. "You look exactly like me…"
"Well, of course, I do! Takes one dumbass to know when they see one, right? But man…" The thing sighs as it took a seat in the bed with a relaxed almost...nostalgic smirk. Subaru blinked in bewilderment at the sudden change in tone. "This place sure does bring back memories, doesn't it?"
"Memories…?" Chie asked, confused as she took a step forward. She didn't know anything about what's going on, but Subaru's breath paused as he kept...staring into this thing.
"Well, of course, Chie-chan!" The thing laughed it off, although it had a dark aura with the way it spoke for some reason. "This is pretty much my nesting ground! My own haven where I keep my manga, light novels, and even my precious figurines! I mean," The thing stood up from his seat and went over to point at one of the figurines...one that Subaru recognized as having silver hair...and a shudder rolled across his back. "Nothing beats a good girl with silver hair, am I right!?"
"Eh…? What's...with this guy?" Yosuke spoke out of an odd sense of disturbance at the sudden shift in personality, although Subaru's chest tightened at that. For what reason, Subaru didn't want to accept. It... couldn't be true. That's not what this thing is. "What does that have to do with what's going on!?"
"Man, Yosuke...you really are as slow and dense as I thought!"
"H-Hey!" Yosuke exclaimed with annoyance.
"If there's anybody you should be asking for answers, it's not me! It should be him!" The thing points an accusing finger at Subaru, who flinched back and took a breath. The thing...scowled heavily with a smirk. "After all, you three just managed to get out of a monster encounter out there, right? The only reason you managed to avoid being a pile of rotting meat is that your wonderful friend Subaru played the hero and saved the day! But...you never asked yourself. How in the hell does a loser like him know his way around this place? You've never been here before, and he's never been here before either!"
"Wait…" Yosuke blinked, although he turned to Subaru with confusion. "How...did you know where to go to avoid those monsters?"
"...I-I…" Subaru stammered softly, although he clammed up...biting his lip and looking down.
How...could I tell them? I can't...I shouldn't… Subaru tightened up his fists, even more, the grip left them burning white-hot.
"Natsuki-san…?" Chie asked, although she turned to the thing in question and... seemed more confused.
It sighed, shaking his head in disappointment, and giving a heavy glare. "Still acting dumb, aren't you? Fine…" Suddenly, a wicked grin spread on its face...and Subaru's dreadful expression turned to hopelessness. "It's because he lived here before!"
"Guh…!" Subaru hitch a breath at that, the harsh tone spat at him like a nail to his lung. "T-That's…"
"Wait...he lived here?" Chie gasped softly but then turned to Subaru. "Natsuki-san, what is it saying!?"
"More importantly, how the hell does it know this information…?" Yosuke asked, suspicious and yet, all the same, apprehensive about listening to some doppelganger version of Subaru.
"This doesn't make any sense…" Subaru shook his head, closing his eyes shut and mustering up whatever will he had to make this thing disappear...before widening them open. He then let out an apprehensive smirk. "...you're...just a figment of my imagination! Y-Yeah, that's what's going on!"
…
"Huh!?" The thing tilted its head in a mocking glare, although it seemed more annoyed by that. "Now, that's just full-blown rude! But then again, why should I have expected any different from you?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Subaru glared right back, although he seemed to be shaking in his shoes.
"You're lying to yourself, like always, and running away doing nothing!" The thing stomped a foot forward, although it seemed more aggravated if anything. "That's what you've always done when things get tough, and I'm surprised you even give a shit enough to try and change! But let's be honest, here, you good-for-nothing! You don't think you can change at all!"
"What the hell are you talking about?" Yosuke blinked but frowned in confusion at what the thing is saying...and Subaru didn't like that. "What makes you say that like you know him?"
"Hanamura-san...don't goad him. It's just a lying ghost trying to confuse us!" Subaru whirled in a panic, although he kept his apprehensive smirk that grew desperate to keep up the facade…
It had to be. Subaru didn't believe what this thing was saying...or rather even if the words hurt close to home...that didn't mean that this thing knows who Subaru is right? So long as he kept denying it, it would just go away, and Subaru would be able to find that Bear and leave right?
Right? He repeated to himself, although a low chuckle from the thing interrupted his thoughts...it seemed...amused? Amused from what? Subaru grits his teeth, and barked, "What's so funny!?"
"Oh...I'm sorry...you just sounded so stupid it brought back a lot of memories…" The thing chuckled, before giving a nasty look with its sickly yellow eyes straight into Subaru's. "The days where everything went to shit...for the both of us."
"Guh!" Subaru croaked out, although he took a step back...and his expression turned into fear.
Why fear? Because...what it said seemed...to imply like they knew each other somehow.
But why?
Why?
"The both of you?" Chie muttered.
"Honestly...we always used to squeak through the biggest of shit." The thing spoke, but its expression turned eerily calm...and blank that Subaru couldn't help but mimic it all the same. "But then the things we used to be the best at...the things we were so proud of to show to our parents...became so small. Smaller, and smaller. And then it occurred to us...what's the big deal? There's no reason to stress over something so stupid when everybody else already was the best. Don't you remember? It was way cooler to just bring all of those idiots...and make them laugh along with you."
Oh yeah, you're definitely his kid.
It...it was...wasn't it? Subaru felt a pit in his stomach, but...the stinging in his ears got worse...and his palms slackened, hanging at his sides. Subaru stared dead-eyed into the thing, but he couldn't look away...somehow everything it said...felt so alien and yet so true.
That time where he brought a bunch of grade-schoolers with him to the local pool. It was...admittedly too dark out for Subaru and his friend to even be swimming, but they did it anyway. Even if he got caught swimming, the old man never saw him coming. That was the most fun Subaru had in his early days, but he seemed...confused right now. Why did he bring this up all of a sudden…?
"It was so much fun. So much fun that it made you wonder...what if you kept it up? Nobody would leave you if you convinced them that they needed you to have fun, right?" The thing progressively spoke, although it looked down...and seemed oddly pensive even with its mocking smile.
But...to who?
"Of course...we always had to do something crazier the next time. Something that topped the last prank, or the last hobby so that everybody would remember. Can't have people think that we're boring, right?" The thing continued, although his voice was low...and surprisingly pitiful at the moment. Subaru kept remembering all of his childhood stunts...from playing with fireworks to fending off rabid dogs and even staying out too late. "We believed we could do anything. That people believed we would do anything...and the bigger the stunts we pulled became, the stupider they were and the more...disruptive."
Oh yeah, you're definitely his kid.
They always brought that up. The adults and the kids who knew him. It became an odd sense of pride, and it should have stayed that way. For way longer than what Subaru got.
"They were always stupid, the kids back then. But you were funny right? You made them laugh, like the fool you pretended to be right!?" The thing tightened its fists, and it's scowl turned into something that Subaru knew all too well. "It's not like they were any better! But no!" It grit its teeth, and slowly its expression became that same despair that Subaru held in his eyes. Before...looking slack. "But...that's when it became clear...after some time...you ended up being all alone. So, So alone…"
Subaru shared its despair...and somehow that sensation made him feel more disgust. At the thing or himself, it didn't matter. All the toxic negativity swirled into his pit, and so he just...whispered out. "...up…"
"H-Hey...what the heck are you trying to say?" Yosuke spoke out, but he grew impatient, as he stepped forward and looked less than pleased. "Nothing you're saying makes sense! It's as if you're trying to imply you know him or something!"
"Just what are you…?" Chie muttered, more creeped out.
…
"Hehehehehe…!" Suddenly, manic giggling arose from the thing, its expression contorting into a wide grin. "That's right...what am I?! I'm an idiot, a dumbass, a bona-fide fool! And to think, we're supposed to be our father's son!"
"...shut up…" Subaru whispered hoarsely, gnashing his teeth together and his fists shaking at his sides.
"We're his son! We're his kid!" The thing stepped forward, hunched forward as it stared with malice into Subaru's eyes. Amber orange staring back into sickly neon yellow. "But all we are is a disappointment to everyone around us! To dad! To mom! To Dojima and Nanako! You already know this, you good-for-nothing, so why do you even try!?"
"...shut up…!" Subaru hissed out, as he stared back. The resentment...built until a pit in his stomach bubbled with a painful gruel.
"You came here because everybody gave up on you, and you figured this'd be a good excuse for you to forget about home! And why!? Because you are too afraid to admit that you are just a worthless piece of trash who can never be like our dad. You aren't some special kid! You were never special to begin with-"
A fist collided with the thing's face...cratering its face in as it stumbled backward into the shelf...banging its head and the figurines toppling all over him.
"Holy...shit, dude!" Yosuke exclaimed suddenly, but at the same time, he remained with goosebumps on his skin...the sudden violent action caused by Subaru leaving him in shock.
Subaru's fist burned with pain, but he didn't care anymore. He scowled heavily and yet desperately clung onto the notion.
The notion that this thing isn't even real.
"Shut up! What the hell would you know! You don't know anything about me, you fake! NOTHING!" Subaru shouted into a hoarse growl, although for the same reason that his own voice scared him, it also frightened Yosuke and Chie right behind him...as they fell silent. "He's not your dad! They aren't your family! You don't know anything about them, and you don't know anything about me! What makes you think you know anything about me!?"
"..." It remained slumped against the wall, silent but the purple shadow surrounding it only grew much denser...as it began cackling. "You already know…! Don't you!?" The thing stood up, before lifting its face and surprising Subaru. It the bruise that he had inflicted didn't even seem to appear at all. In fact, it looked...completely unharmed. "I'm you...I'm you're Shadow. I'm the true self...NATSUKI SUBARU!"
At that, Subaru let out a croaked gasp of horror...but he took another step back. His legs grew weaker by the second, and he shook his head...slowly going to clutch it. "No…. No, No, No, No, No!"
"Wait a minute...his Shadow?" Chie spoke out with a concerned expression, and yet all the same Subaru didn't even dare to look at them.
"This doesn't make any sense…! That's not the truth...you have got to be kidding me…! This is all one messed up dream…!" Subaru didn't care whether the lies grew. He didn't want to accept it. There's no way this thing could be in any way.
Because if he accepted what this thing truly is...it'd be the same as baring himself to Yosuke and Chie. And he can't bear that humiliation and scorn.
Or the judgment that would come from it.
Why...just why!?
"Keep telling yourself that, your failure…!" The 'Shadow' kept mocking him, his dark veil growing denser, as red particles evolved around it...and the room around them seemed to crack along the walls. "Go ahead and say what you really want to tell me!"
"H-Hey, Natsuki-kun!" Yosuke's voice spoke from behind Subaru, who kept shaking his head and whimpering out of despair.
"You're not...you can't be…." Subaru shook his head, scowling but taking shaky steps backward.
"H-Hey, calm down…!" Chie spoke as well, although she seemed more worried than anybody here.
"That's right, That's right." The shadow repeated in manic giggles, although it covered its mouth...both hands clapped over it. "Say it!"
"Everything you said is a lie...everything you are a lie!" Subaru shook his head, before with every bit of hatred and self-loathing...he shouts into an ugly roar. "YOU ARE NOT ME, YOU FAKE, MISERABLE, PILE OF GARBAGE!"
…
The roar faded into mere whispers in the room, Subaru panting heavily as he felt himself grow weak. His legs felt gelatinous and shaky, and his hands still felt tightly pressed into a fist. However, despite the words that erupted from Subaru...the 'Shadow' simply stood there in shock...before his grin contorted into that of pointed teeth...like rows of teeth. It started off as a giggle, laced with mischievous evil...and then into a cackle of disturbing glee.
That's when the house shook and rumbled as if an earthquake had struck against them. However, Subaru was beyond confused why the thing it lashed out at is laughing. For what and why it didn't seem at all familiar to him now. Subaru stared as the 'Shadow' began to be swallowed up by the dark mist surrounding it, a dark red form of it threatening to swallow him whole.
"W-What the?! Oh, shit...this is bad!" Yosuke exclaimed as he darted his head towards the walls and the cracked ceiling. Before tugging Subaru by the back of his collar. "This isn't the time to space out, dude!"
"Why...Why is it laughing…?" Subaru muttered out as he was dragged out of the room, but his feet seemed to be dragged all the same. He couldn't muster the energy to walk or even move out of the way at first. His befuddlement permeated his thoughts.
"N-Natsuki-san, we need to get out of here!" Chie was next to exclaim in fear and concern, before pushing him out of the room.
Subaru held a split-second of hesitation, before he finally came back to his senses…and began to run along with Chie and Yosuke out of the house. The living room shook violently, almost knocking them off their balance. The picture fell to the ground, the glass frame cracked as Subaru reflexively avoided stepping on it. He didn't think to step on it, let alone move away from it.
Eventually, Subaru's dread turned to panic, as the three of them began running out the door in a panic. Yosuke made it out first, and next was Chie who jumped out of it and landing in a skidding turn of her heel. Subaru would be the last one to exit the building, however his breathing grew unnaturally labored. Whether it was the 'Shadow's' lie or the pressure of the situation, Subaru didn't have enough time to think as he tripped and fell to his knees onto the street.
Subaru winced in pain as he grunted, although Yosuke was quick to lend him a hand upwards. "Dude, what is going!?"
"I-I don't know…h-how the hell should I know…!?" Subaru shook his head vehemently, looking distressed and panicked. The whites around his eyes grew ever more noticeable around his pupils, giving him what most would consider an evil look. However, right now it only accentuated his panic and utter macabre anxiety.
Before anymore words could be shared between the two of them, a figure burst through the roof of the house…cloaked in shadow and yet reedy in physique. It landed in front of them, crashing onto the ground as the wind knocked them back.
"GAH!" Yosuke grunted as he was blown onto his back, the hard pavement accompanied with a loud thud. He groaned in pain, trying to get back up as he winced. However, as he stood up, his eyes locked onto the monster that just arrived before them. He blanched with shuddering teeth. "W-What in the…!?"
Chie yelped as she also landed her back on the nearest wall. The blow hurt her, as she winced and opened her eyes, before shuddering and widening her eyes. "W-W-What is that thing!?"
Subaru alone seemed to be physically taking any distress as he turned onto the ground. Somehow, as he laid down on the ground in a heap, his eyes winced open to witness the figure.
"Hyahahahahahahahahaha~! Now this is what I've wanted for a lo~ng time!" Subaru didn't recognize what this thing was supposed to be. Its voice grew more distorted and maniacal, although the accompanying jingle of bells threw Subaru off. He frowned in confusion as the dust settled. However, the being itself had changed and contorted into a monster that Subaru grew horrified by as the shadows dissipated.
Subaru's first gaze into the monster's eyes were a heterochromatic pair of red and cyan blue eyes, widened into perfect spheres behind the face-holes of the theatre mask. However, where the slit in the mouth should be blank was filled with rows of mismatched and overgrown sharp teeth…reminiscent to that of a shark. However, despite its macabre and horrifyingly childish mask, the rest of its body is abnormally thin and reedy. Elongated to the point of 2 meters long on each arm, while wearing a jester's attire, it's royal purple sleeves were long and cylindrical, protruding from what seemed like a wooden framework of a tube in its mid-section. The legs seemed to fit the same mold, ending to jingling and clownish shoes, pointed and yet fluffy at the same time.
The movements of the monster before the three were janky, mechanical, stiff; all with the maniacal glee of a madman as it contorted into a rising stand on its own two feet. It towered above them despite being akin to a branch of macabre fashion, 3 meters taller compared to Subaru, Yosuke, and Chie. It brought up one gloved hand, colored blue towards its mask.
"I am the Shadow...the TRUE self!" It growled with disturbing venom, as it clawed its mask across, leaving scratch marks and a grisly visage of a grin with yellow sharpened teeth. Suddenly, forming in both of its cartoonishly gloved hands, the black handle for a scythe formed, while the curved blade seemed to shine a nasty purple, as the monster wielded it with both hands and a crazed look in its eyes. "I'll cast away the bullshit, and just live freely the way I WISH! Prepare to fuckin' DIE…Natsuki Subaru!"
"A-Ahh…" Subaru held his jaw ajar, shaking as he stood up on shaky knees…trying to muster up whatever courage he had. He…He couldn't run, could he? Someone tell him that's an option, at least!? It just…doesn't make sense!
W-Why can't I move!? Subaru remained there standing in fear of the monster…but…for a moment.
"Natsuki-kun!" Yosuke called out, standing up from the ground and looking at him in a panic. "W-We need to get outta here! We can't beat this thing!"
"H-Hanamura-kun…" Subaru stood there, turning to Yosuke with a crumbling expression as he winced in fear.
"H-Hey! W-What are we gonna do about this thing!?" Chie called out as she stood back and stepped away from the monster. "I-It won't start chasing us will it!?"
"Aww…that's so insulting, Chie-chan~!" The jester cackled as it threw it's head back, before jolting forwards to her. She yelped out in fear, before the thing stopped within mere inches from her face. "You're not the one I have any issue with! Not even the dunce, Yosuke! No, you guys? Are free to go!"
"W-What!?" Yosuke and Chie exclaimed, prompting a Subaru to choke out a gasp.
"…w-what do you mean?" Subaru whispered out in dread.
"I thought I made it very clear, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING." The Shadow turned to Subaru, it's grin turning into a fierce scowl. "They are free to go! You're the only one who gets to die!"
Die…? Subaru stepped back, as his breathing became quick and shallow. The beating of his heart turned into a cacophonous hammering into his chest, threatening to give him a heart attack if he let this thing get even closer. He denied it any more of an existence…so why is it becoming so monstrous? And why would it even let them off the hook!? Subaru didn't do anything wrong! Yosuke and Chie didn't do anything wrong! "I'm…going to die…?"
"D-D-D-D-DUH~!" As if in frustration, it swiped its huge hand towards Subaru. Connecting, Subaru was met with a force that threw him a couple feet off the ground and onto his face down the street. The Shadow then began to hop in between its foot as if jingling to a tune. The bells jingled along with every hop, a cacophony of obnoxious yet maniacal cackling. "Decapitated like the gallows? Gutted like a fish!? Hung on a noose of your own intestines!? HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO DIE, HUH~!?
"I-I…" Subaru…coughed out, although he kept his shallow breathing as he crawled backwards and away from the ever-approaching monster. Its steps were paradoxically rigid and yet without a sound. "I-I don't want…to…"
He turned his eyes towards Chie and Yosuke, the both of them seemingly standing still and yet with fearful expressions. However, the slight twitch of a pensive frown crossed their face…and Subaru's stomach dropped.
Wait…you're not…actually gonna leave me to die…are you? They wouldn't! Subaru didn't want to believe that, but with their situation…the monster made its case clear. It was going to target Subaru, and only Subaru.
"Honestly, I am so tired of having to deal with you for the past, shitty, unbearable 16 YEARS!" The Shadow snarled, dragging its scythe along the road, the asphalt cracking and leaving a nasty gash along it. "What's it gonna take to make you shut up and be less of a good-for-nothing!? To your family! To your 'friends!?' Huh!? It's always been this same shit ever since we messed up! That's all we can do!"
"L-Leave me alone…" Subaru whimpered out, as it stood up and began retreating with a fearful expression. Horrified, and dreading the end. "Don't come near me! I-I…I just wanted to…I just wanted to…!"
"TO WHAT!? NOT BE LONELY!? NOT REMIND YOURSELF THAT YOU WERE NEVER SPECIAL TO BEGIN WITH!? WELL, SCREW YOU!" The Shadow gave a maniacal grin, shaking in fury and yet unrepentant sadistic joy. "You get to feel all the pain and misery you've been holding in for the past 16 years~! TIME TO DIE!"
"A-Aahhhh….!" Subaru whimpered out, a pathetic sound crawling out of his throat before it erupted into a scream of primal fear.
And he ran away.
"I DON'T WANNA DIE, I DON'T WANNA DIE, I DON'T WANNA DIIIEEEE!" Subaru began running as he screamed bloody murder. This was a nightmare he had to be going through, right? There's…absolutely no way that thing is real and after him. To kill him, right!?
It's going to kill him. It's trying to kill him.
And whether he likes it or not…this Jester is trying to get him.
What did I do…to deserve this? WHAT DID I EVER DO!?
Subaru kept running in a straight line, the monstrous Shadow cackling as it began to take chase. However, for a rigid puppet it moved faster than one would expect. Beginning to gain speed before launching its entire body towards Subaru, opening its jaws at first to bite down on his head.
However, Subaru instinctively rolled to the side before he could be bitten off like a chew toy. However, he skids his feet on the ground pavement and rounded a corner of the street. The alleyways started becoming shorter and more constrained, but Subaru knew them like the back of his hand.
It certainly helped that he hadn't thrown away the glasses given to him by the teddy bear. They made running away a much more manageable feat, as Subaru had been able to see the monster's movements coming a mile away. However, that didn't make the fear subside, only further creep in as he pondered exactly how it had been finding him every which way.
If Subaru hid in one corner, he'd find the monster peering at him from the rooftops. If he turned a corner, then the monster would already be dancing right then and there…almost mocking him with that grin.
And Subaru's chase had been going on for a hellish 5 minutes…almost wearing him down as he gasped and panted for air. Before the realization of why this monster knew exactly where he'd been going…
Is what he's saying…actually true…? If what the thing said was true…then the reason it knew where Subaru was…is because Subaru knows where he is.
He lived these same streets as before…he's been with his parents all the way through these! With his dad, jogging every morning…
And with his mother…the first day of school…
All those days, wasted due to Subaru's own incompetence…
Oh yeah, you're definitely his kid!
"Shut up…!" Those same voices echoed in his head, louder than before… he cupped his ears shut as he continued running. "Shut up, Shut up…!"
Subaru shook his head, desperate to deny and cut out the sounds of the affirmation which haunted him his whole life. He had hoped that this would have been the end of it. Moving to Inaba should have been the end of it all…a new beginning so long as nobody knew who he or his parents was!
But…was that the truth? Did anything change for Subaru?
Was anything I did…absolutely worth it?
"Jack be nimble~!" Suddenly, the Shadow's voice resonated to Subaru's right, bursting through a wall as the brick and mortar cracked under the pressure. A quick movement of it's scythe, and—
"Gahagh!" Subaru felt his body lurch to the side, rolling as he fell to his side along the hard pavement. Groaning and turning, he held his right side…burning for some reason as he raised his hand to see blood.
Blood? Subaru sat up, before wincing in pain…and noting that he…had a gash crossing his left side…
That's…blood.
Blood.
My blood.
My…blood! Subaru widened his eyes, and tried holding in a scream of pain, as the gash and bleeding took a toll on him. He rolled in pain, whimpering as he couldn't focus on anything but the pain.
"Oh shush you, it's just a teeny tine scratch, ya brat!" The monster prowled as it rolled it's eyes, still grinning with bloodthirst, as it dragged it's bloody scythe along the ground. "Not like you could die from that! Still…should have sliced off your head the first time…OH WELL~!"
It cackled without a care, as Subaru's groans and whimpers of pain continued. The pain flashed through Subaru's side, and he couldn't believe that it wasn't so deep. And yet, this amount of pain seemed to be no joke.
It hurts.
It hurts…
It hurts it hurts it hurts!
"Gaaahhhhhhhhh!" Subaru groaned out in pain, crawling away on the ground. "G-Gotta…get away…! I-I don't want to die…"
"Ugh~" The monster cracked it's neck erratically from side-to-side, before every step turned heavy as it cracked the ground beneath. "Still going on about that? You really need to learn," It stood behind the crawling Subaru, before raising it's leg and stomping on Subaru pathetically. "TO HAVE SOME DIGNITY!"
"Gahagh!" Subaru croaked out as he spat out in pain. The monster grinds it's heel with Subaru underneath, sneering.
"Honestly…even now you're about to give up, aren't you!?" The thing leaned down to look at Subaru in the eye. "Just like with everything, you are just gonna give up as soon as somebody has you beat! You can't do anything without making an ass of yourself!
"That's not true…t-that's not true…!" Subaru shook his head, squirming but trying his best to get out from under its heel. He didn't want to die. Not like this.
"But it IS! Ever since we started being less than perfect for our parents…it seemed all so stupid, remember? Then, you had to do stupid shit trying to get everybody's attention all so you wouldn't be alone! But that's not what really bothers you!" The Shadow in question gets…really aggressive as he kicked Subaru away into the middle of the street. However, it's glowing eyes dulled down. "You feel like a burden on your parents. And because of that, it hurts even more to see them…so…so…supportive…"
"…!" Subaru widened his eyes as he pushed himself up from the ground on his knees, but noticed how the…thing slowed it's movements. It became eerily still, much like a figurine without any life.
"They won't even hate you…for anything that you've done. Not even when you don't go to school…or always find some reason to stay in your room." Its voice seemed deadened, and genuinely confused. Lost. Hopeless. For a traitorous moment, Subaru didn't want to accept it; the thing was…reminding him exactly of why he even came to Inaba to begin with.
Because I wanted to run away… That's what it truly was about. Getting to know Dojima and Nanako was nice, and maybe trying to go to school may have worked for a few days. It doesn't change the fact that Subaru knew he was just being cowardly. He wanted to get away from his parents.
No. That's not right.
He wanted to get away from the despair and the source of his anxiety. His home.
His own room.
A constant reminder of his stagnation.
Subaru looked down, at the ground…and despite wincing when standing up…he slumped forward with a face stricken with despair. He whispered, "Shut up…I-I don't understand why you won't just leave me alone…"
"…you still don't get it…do you?" The voice remained dull, but a hidden anger lay beneath it, as it's eyes gleamed once again. "Well…I shouldn't be surprised. You want to change so bad…but you clearly don't believe you can. So you'd rather die…"
The monster began making its crooked steps, raising it's scythe from the ground overhead and aimed to slice off Subaru's head. "Hehehehe…well…at least I'll get to be myself…!"
The monster began a low chuckle, sounding painful…and saddened at the same time. However, revealing a gap between the rows of sharpened teeth, he began cackling with such a high tone…throwing it's head back as the laughter turned into a chord of mad pain and frustration, all mixed with overzealous joy of its own existence.
And Subaru looked up at the monster, its eyes wide with despair…and yet he seemed resigned to it. But he didn't want to give up. He wanted to keep on living and see his parents again. Even if it was brief, he desperately wants to see his family one last time. Even in this pathetic state, he wants…to make his dad proud. For once.
Just…
The monster raised it's scythe upwards, rearing up.
Just let me see him…!
Subaru quivered, as the scythe made it's way up…and when the scythe went down, Subaru closed his eyes in fear as he screamed out in what would be his last cry.
He felt a slamming force from the side, pushing him down onto the ground before Subaru had any time to even register what happened.
He was confused for a moment, albeit still curled up as he suddenly heard a shout of pain and growls.
"GAH! Goddammit, what the fuck!?" Subaru opened his eyes, and uncurled from his position as he felt himself being hoisted up from the ground by…Chie?
"Natsuki-kun!" Chie shouted, although she had a frown of fear, nerves, and yet surprising frustration…and yet concern. "Thank god we found you!"
"W-What?" Subaru blinked, his body still sore as he winced and got up…looking at Chie with some trepidation. "W-Wait, what are you doing? H-Hey! W-Where's Hanamura-san!?"
Subaru saw that from behind the Jester, who seemed annoyed and twitching as well as it twisted it's neck behind; Yosuke stood there with sweat dripping down his brow, a look of fear and yet steeled determination down his brow…wielding a metal baseball bat with both hands. He wielded it like a regular baseball bat, but more than anything he seemed to have bent the Jester's broken leg with a full-swing.
That must have been what the Jester cursed about, but Subaru blinked…and widened his eyes with a mixture of relief and dread. "H-Hanamura-san?"
"Dammit…that was my strongest swing…! What…just what the hell do you think your doing…running away like that…and leaving us behind…" Yosuke panted heavily, but grit his teeth as he pointed his bat straight at the scowling Jester. "…going after one of my friends, you goddamn CLOWN!"