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Chapter 30
Vin and Billy sat on the steps outside the newspaper office. The night was still quiet enough, he didn't have to bring the boy inside yet.
Billy finally had some color back in his cheeks. He wasn't jumping at every shadow. He even ventured away from Vin's side on some of their daily outings.
"Hey, Buck!" Billy said.
Vin looked up to see the lanky man approaching.
"Buck," Vin greeted him.
"Vin. Deputy," Buck returned their greetings.
Billy straightened his shoulders some at Buck's acknowledgment of the pin he wore on his chest since JD had given it to him the week before.
"I heard we got extra hands helping keep the law around here. Mighty glad to have you on board," Buck said seriously.
"Mighty glad to be helpin'," Billy returned, just as seriously.
Buck's mustache twitched, but he held back a smile.
"Everything alright?" Vin asked. Buck generally settled in at the saloon for an evening.
"You got company," Buck said.
Vin lifted an eyebrow in question.
"Lucy and Chris."
Vin rose, ready to head to the saloon. He caught himself and looked down at Billy. He glanced up at the dark apartment. He and Billy had been outside to give Mary some quiet. She had been prone to headaches off and on since the outlaws grabbed her and Billy. The knot Nathan had found at the back of her head explained that. Nothing to do but give it time to heal. Time and some quiet when the headache got to painful.
"They're up in their rooms," Buck said. "Not like you're taking the kid to go sit in the saloon and buying him a drink."
Vin still had his doubts that Mary would approve. But there wasn't anywhere else to take her son this time of the evening.
"We're just gonna be passing through the saloon," Vin said, as much to convince himself as Billy. "Don't go lookin' around at anything."
He wasn't sure the way the kid's eyes lit up was a good sign.
"Come on," he said.
Billy fell into step between him and Buck. They escorted him through town, then, against Vin's better judgment, into the saloon.
Vin picked up his pace, one hand on Billy's back, all but pushing his charge through the raucous noise and past the tables of gambling and drinking, and up the stairs.
"That was so cool," Billy said when they reached the top of the stairs.
"And something you ain't doin' again," Vin said.
Billy's lips twisted in disappointment.
"You good here?" Buck asked.
Vin gave him a nod. "Thanks."
Buck gave him a wave and jogged back down the stairs.
Vin went to Lucy's door. He knocked lightly. No response. He tried again. When he didn't hear anything, he pushed it open. Empty, except for her cat.
Vin nudged the cat back from the door with his boot and closed the door gently.
"She and Chris might've gone for something to eat," Vin said to Billy. But nothing was open, so he knocked on Chris' door anyway.
Lucy opened it, her face lighting when she saw Vin, even as worried eyes ran over him.
"Vin," she said softly, his name coming out like a sigh of relief.
"That you, Tanner?" Chris' rough voice came from inside the room.
Vin frowned. He looked at Lucy as she quickly stepped back to let him and Billy into the room. He couldn't imagine what Lucy was doing in Chris' room. Then decided he didn't want to know when he saw Chris on the bed, pushing himself up to sitting. His fists clenched. The thought of Lucy and Chris—the man who was supposed to be protecting her—in Chris' bed—
A deep cough shook Chris' shoulders. Lucy hovered between Vin and Chris.
"I'm—I'm sorry. I didn't mean…you need your rest. I didn't mean to wake you," Lucy was saying, drawing her bottom lip between her teeth.
"Glad I woke," Chris said, his cough past. But Vin didn't miss the heavy slope of his shoulders. The gaunt leanness in his face, the rough sound of his breathing, clearly Chris had been sick.
"What happened?" Vin asked. He turned to Lucy. She looked fine, if a little tired.
"Lucy's fine," Chris assured him. "Just a cough that took me down." He shifted forward slightly, looking at Billy, his eyes darkening at the sling holding Billy's still healing arm. "Heard you had a run in with some bank robbers."
At the mention of the men who had taken him and his ma, Billy swallowed hard. He nodded. Chris didn't push.
Vin didn't want to think back to that night. He squeezed Billy's shoulder. "Billy, this is my sister Lucy. Luce, this is Billy. He's Mary's boy. And our newest deputy."
Lucy smiled. She bent down to Billy's level and held out her hand, something Vin hadn't seen her do with anyone since coming to town.
Billy shook her hand. "Nice to meet you, Deputy," Lucy said.
"You can call me Billy," he said.
Vin took a step back, giving Lucy and Billy some space. Finally taking a breath that Billy and Mary were ok. Lucy was still ok. Everyone he cared about was in one place for the time being and he could see for himself they were safe.
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Chris watched Lucy listen intently to Billy as he talked about his duties as deputy. As near as Chris could figure, they consisted of getting meals at the café with Buck or Vin, sweeping the church for Josiah, and sitting in front of the jail with JD. But Lucy asked questions and praised him for all he was doing to help the town.
"It's hard to do with a busted arm," Billy said. A shadow crossed his face when he looked down at his sling. Chris was about to break in and change the course of their conversation. No sense in the boy reliving what had to be a horrible experience. But Lucy spoke first.
"I'm sorry that happened to you," she said sincerely. "You must have been so scared." Her face was gentle, understanding.
Billy's lips thinned and Chris thought the boy was going to hide behind bravado. But when faced with Lucy's kind blue eyes, the boy didn't stand a chance. Chris knew how he felt.
"It was real scary," he whispered.
"I don't like being scared," Lucy confessed.
Chris watched her. The way she listened to the child in front of her. He knew what she had been through. And she still had tenderness left in her heart. She hadn't let scars harden it. The hardness that Chris had welcomed in his own life as a protective wall was nowhere around Lucy. She still had her humanity.
"You've been scared?" Billy asked.
Lucy nodded. She swallowed hard, but forced a small smile for Billy.
"Of bad men?"
Lucy didn't look away. She held Billy's eyes. She nodded.
Chris looked away. He didn't want to think what either one of them had been through. He saw Vin's jaw tighten.
"But," Lucy said quietly, "there are good men, too. Men like Vin and Chris and their friends. Buck and Josiah. Ezra, Nathan, JD."
"They're real good men," Billy said.
"They are," Lucy agreed with certainty.
"And the good guys win," Billy said, his own voice certain.
Lucy didn't say anything. Chris finally looked at her. Her eyes were shadowed. "They won when you needed them most," she said.
Chris felt his brow furrow. He didn't miss that she didn't agree wholeheartedly with Billy's statement. She didn't expect them to win against Eli Joe.
"Do you like cookies?" Lucy asked, bringing their conversation to something lighter.
Billy nodded enthusiastically.
"Well, then, if Ezra says I can use the kitchen downstairs while I'm in town, I'll make sure to bring you some. Ok?"
Billy nodded even more fervently.
Lucy's smile chased away whatever dark thoughts about Eli Joe their conversation had brought up. She straightened.
"Come on, Pard," Vin said. "I should get you back to your ma."
Chris pushed himself to standing. "I can take him," he said. "You stay with Lucy." He knew how much Lucy needed to reassure herself that her brother was safe. He wasn't sure if the quick once over had been enough to set her mind at ease.
"Do you think there might be a pie left at the café?" Billy asked.
"Café's closed," Chris said, getting his hat and settling it on his head.
"Yeah, but Mrs. Hayes always has a slice left for Buck."
"I'll bet she does," Chris muttered. He ushered Billy toward the door, listening to the boy regale him with all the things Buck got offered by the women in town.
#
"Is Chris alright?" Vin asked. "Had to have been more than just a cold for him to even mention it."
Lucy faced her brother. Her thoughts weren't on Chris' illness. They were on what she had learned during his fevered state. What Buck had told her. What Chris had shared with her. What Vin had kept from her.
"How could you, Vin?" she whispered. The knot in her throat made her words hoarse.
Vin reared back at the sudden accusation.
Lucy squeezed her fists tightly at her side, willing herself not to cower back. Not when she needed to know.
"What…?" Vin's brow wrinkled, then cleared as understanding dawned. "We didn't want you to worry none. I wasn't about to tell you about the bank robbery. Everyone's—"
Lucy shook her head sharply, strands of hair falling from her braid. "Why wouldn't you tell me Chris had been married before?" she asked. Saying the words out loud were a knife of pain right in the center of her chest. How could Vin have done this to Chris? "Why would you push him into a marriage knowing he had a wife and child he was grieving?"
Vin frowned. "It ain't like it's a real marriage. Chris was willing—"
Lucy cut him off, the thought of Chris' pain being ignored—being sacrificed—for her overriding any fear of speaking out. "It doesn't matter that he was willing! You should have at least told me! I never would have—I would never—I wouldn't hurt him like this if I had known!" Her jaw trembled and she clamped her mouth shut, hot tears stinging the backs of her eyes.
"What are you talkin' about?" Vin asked.
Lucy swallowed hard. She forced in a breath. Couldn't Vin see? Chris in a marriage had to be throwing all the memories of what he had—what he lost—right in his face. She never wanted to hurt him.
"I'm…" she shook her head, not sure how to explain it to Vin if he couldn't see it. "I just…I…" She didn't know what to say, her thoughts all jumbled together with guilt and hurt for Chris.
"I'm going to call it a night," she finally managed, looking down at the floor. She didn't want to fight with Vin. Not with the only family she had.
Vin was quiet for a beat, but finally stepped toward the door. "I'll see you in the mornin'," he said.
Lucy nodded.
She listened to the door close, the muffled sound of his boots going down the hall, towards the stairs.
Lucy pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes. Her chest was too tight to get in a breath.
Everything she had learned about Chris. Almost losing Chris. Knowing the good guys didn't always win…
She needed air.
She clenched her fists at her sides, her short nails digging into her palms. She couldn't go outside. Not alone. Not with the threat of panicking at any sudden noise just as real as an actual threat of a man approaching her.
One of her fists moved to her throat. Pushed against the skin there like she could force air through that way.
Why was she like this? Why was she too scared to venture out on her own? Billy was a little boy and he had been through something that would terrify grown met. Yet he was smiling and getting outside.
Chris deserved better than being saddled with a wife he didn't ask for. Especially a wife who was scared of her own shadow.
"You can do this," Lucy whispered to herself in the quiet of the room.
She looked toward the window. It was dusk, but light enough to still see easily. The streets were quiet.
She could do this.
Lucy went to the door of Chris' room and stood there. The sounds of all the men downstairs came up the staircase, making Lucy take a step back, farther into the safety of the room.
She swallowed hard. Tried again.
This time she stepped through the door without stopping. She turned off her thoughts. Hadn't she done that enough times when faced with Eli Joe?
She didn't quite manage to keep from curling in on herself slightly when she stepped onto the staircase. She heard Ezra call to her, but couldn't make her feet stop in the middle of the room of mostly men.
"I'm going to the livery," she said. It was as good a destination as any. She even managed what she hoped looked something like a smile for Ezra.
He nodded, but didn't look reassured. He started to offer to escort her, but Lucy quickly shook her head. She hurried away from him.
The street was a welcome silence after the inside of Ezra's saloon.
Lucy quickly scanned the street for anything out of the ordinary. Or even anything ordinary that would mean she had to speak to a person.
She picked up her pace until she was just short of running. Hurrying down the street, she turned the corner away from the saloon and tried not to let the sound of her own footfalls jar her nerves more than they already were.
The livery stable on the edge of town was a refuge.
Lucy darted inside the building and pulled the heavy door closed behind her.
She gripped the door, focusing on the rough feel of the wood under her hands.
She had done it.
Night was falling, the saloon was full, and she had walked through both the saloon and the town on her own.
Her breath escaped in a rush.
She had done it on her own.
Her knees started shaking, her hands trembling. Lucy stumbled over to a bale of hay and dropped onto it. But the surge of adrenaline draining from her body didn't lesson the thrill of her accomplishment.
She had taken care of herself. It may have only been for a walk that lasted less than five minutes, but she had done it on her own.
Lucy dropped her head back to rest on the rough wall behind her.
Maybe she wasn't broken beyond repair.
#
"Mr. Larabee."
Chris just wanted to get upstairs. He had no doubt Lucy would be back in her own room. Where she belonged. But he still wanted the rest his own bed would bring with the quiet sounds of her stirring in the room next to his. But Ezra stopped him with a word.
"Miss Tanner isn't upstairs," Ezra informed him, looking up from his hand of cards.
Chris stopped. If she was with Vin, then he would be happy for her. She needed the time with her brother even it meant the upstairs would be silent.
"She went to the livery," Ezra said. "It looked like she needed some air."
Chris frowned. Lucy had gone out on her own? He gave Ezra a nod and turned to go back out through the door he had just come in through.
The street was dark. Chris picked up his pace. Lucy may have made it to the livery, wanting to see her horse or get some air—whatever had drawn her out, but he couldn't imagine her wanting to travel the short distance back to their rooms at the saloon alone in the dark.
The door to the livery was closed tight. Chris opened it slowly, not wanting to terrify Lucy.
There was one lantern burning, the soft glow of light spilling toward the door and the stalls, not quite reaching to either.
"Hello?" came Lucy's timid call from the back of the stable.
"It's me," Chris said.
Lucy came closer to the circle of light.
"Are you alright?" she asked, then bit her lip as if trying to hold back any more questions. But she didn't drop her gaze like she usually did. Her worried eyes ran over him.
Chris brushed off her question. He had spent enough time as an invalid. "Fine. Just looking for you. You come to see Gal?"
Lucy nodded, moving a step closer to Chris, then shuffling back like she was going toward her horse, clearly uncertain where he wanted her to go.
Chris tried to put her at ease, taking a step farther into the barn.
Lucy's nervous movements stilled.
"Your horse doing ok?" Chris asked.
Lucy nodded. Her shoulders relaxed slightly. "She's almost like how she used to be. Before…"
Before Eli Joe.
Chris watched Lucy lace her fingers together in front of her. They didn't tremble the way they used to around him.
"You came down her on your own?" he asked.
Lucy nodded. Then lifted stricken eyes to him. "I didn't tell you. I—I should have. I'm sorry. I didn't—"
"Good for you," Chris said. He tamped down the need to tell her walking the streets alone in this town was foolhardy. He wasn't about to crush this small show of independence. Not when she looked like she was half expecting him to strike her for going off on her own.
She was a petite little thing. The top of her head barely came halfway up his chest. But she had more courage than any man he had known. More heart. More compassion.
Something Chris had been missing in his life.
The mellow light of the lantern cast her skin with a golden light. Lips that were slightly parted as she watched him.
He lifted his hand slowly. She didn't flinch. She looked at him like all those looks she had given him, puzzling him out, had finally figured him out. She trusted him.
Chris barely dared make contact with her skin. His hand brushed loose strands of her hair back from her face, barely grazing skin that felt too soft under his rough hand. He let his hand rest alongside her neck. He could feel her pulse fluttering there.
Being this close to her, but not daring to move closer made the loneliness of his life that much more painful.
The last thing Chris wanted to do was take advantage of her. Of Vin's sister. But that wasn't how he was thinking of her in that moment. She was the woman who had stayed right by his bedside while he was sick. The woman who could give him a shy smile and it set his day right. The woman who cared for kittens and scared little kids without any hint of the hurt she had suffered hardening her heart.
Chris tipped his head down toward her. Lucy moved, just a breath, but enough to put her closer to Chris. Not pulling away.
Chris brushed his lips lightly against hers. He kept his hand alongside her neck easy, giving her space to pull away. Her lips grazed his. Chris found their warmth, tasting the sweetness that was Lucy. Lucy's breath escaped in a soft sigh, tickling Chris' lips.
He deepened the kiss, just enough to draw closer to her. His hand loosely threaded into her hair, the color of a newborn fawn and just as soft.
A thud sounded when one of the horses kicked at its stall. It brought Chris back to his senses.
He lifted his head. Reluctantly lost the contact with Lucy.
Her eyes were closed, lips still poised for his touch. He brushed at the hair falling loose around her temple with his thumb.
Lucy's eyes fluttered open. She stared up at him.
Chris watched as the haze of their kiss faded. Blue eyes clouded with confusion. Confusion and worry. She pulled her lower lip—still swollen from his kiss—between her teeth, then released it and lifted fingers to rest against her lips. She was clearly overwhelmed. Confused.
Damn it.
She was vulnerable. He knew that. She had been used by Eli Joe—hurt—and he had been distracted by pretty eyes and willing lips.
Chris swallowed hard, then let the wall come up between them. It was his own fault.
Lucy's lips moved like she was trying to find words.
Chris spared her searching for something to say.
"We should get back. It's late." Anger at himself for putting Lucy in a position she should never have been in made his words harsh.
The shadows in her eyes darkened and Lucy nodded.
She kept a short distance from Chris while he blew out the lantern and held the door open for her.
She kept her eyes trained on the ground while they walked back.
Chris kept his eyes straight ahead.
The saloon was even more raucous than it had been when he had stepped in there earlier. Lucy didn't press in close to his side, but she still kept near him.
Chris avoided Ezra and Buck. He got Lucy to the stairs, upstairs, and opened the door to her room before stepping back and giving her space to get around him.
Lucy went into her room. She paused in the doorway, looking at him. Again she looked like she was casting around for words.
Chris stepped back. "Good night," he said.
He turned without waiting for a response and went to his room. He waited until he heard her door shut securely before he went into his room. Alone.
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