Under the beech

But it was by no means like before. As Sev calmed down, and his breathing, which she felt in the heave of his solid chest, became shallower and more regular, Lily did the opposite. The heat that Sev transmitted to her, in contact with her side and part of her back, was spreading throughout her body. Even the leg that was exposed outside the cloak, pressed against his, burned, and she felt her face flush and her palms sweat.

Chills began to run through her from the back of her neck and down her spine to a point inside her belly below her navel. Now she did want to kiss him, but not a surprise stolen kiss to simply let him know that she loved him. She now wanted a deep kiss, to merge with him, and not only that, she imagined running over his skin, having him all for her, making him her own. That he communicated with his entire body that emotion expressed in his gaze and that she didn't understand until she stopped seeing it, that he give himself totally to her, be the only one for him, possess him completely.

With her free hand, she firmly took his on her arm, so he wouldn't stop holding her as she slowly raised her head so she could see if he was looking at her like that. If he had, she would have thrown herself, she would have eaten his mouth without letting him resist, right there, in the place where that afternoon she did resist.

But the hood that covered Lily's head hid much of Sev's face. She could barely see his cheek and one eye, which he had closed. He seemed so at peace, just giving her the warmth and affection she had demanded of him in such a creeping way. She felt selfish, he had waited so long and his attempt had been so delicate...

And now she, at the first opportunity after three months of his absence and after forcing him to hug her, wanted his total surrender. She decided that it wouldn't be today, they had to recover their trust, it was already enough for her to be feeling him like that.

She lay back against him breathing deeply to calm her fever and continue enjoying without more of the warmth that he gave her. He must have sensed her agitation, because he again caressed her arm, freeing himself from her grasp, and kissed the top of her head through the hood.

He whispered to her, "Are you better, Lily? Have you warmed up yet?"

Fearing that he would undo his embrace, she replied somewhat anxiously, "Yes, but don't separate, please..."

She had completely forgotten what she had summoned him for, she would have stayed like that all day, feeling his body, without needing to say anything else.

He kept stroking her arm and kissing her head, he waited until she completely relaxed and in the same silky intimate tone, he said, "You told me you wanted to talk."

Lily woke up from her reverie. Sure, talk, what if she told him how she felt? That she loved him too. Too? She wasn't sure he did anymore, after all, he had avoided her for three months, and if they were like this now it was because she had chased him into the dungeons, accosted him under the beech tree and blackmailed him into a hug.

Just as she hadn't kissed him impetuously, neither would she let him know something so crucial without first recovering their trust, she had to be subtle and patient. So she just said very sweetly, "I've missed you, Sev."

He took a little too longer to respond, "Me too you."

Lily didn't know how to continue without reproaching him for his absence. She remembered Potions classes and bit her tongue not to ask him why he didn't sit with her anymore, she knew that too well. She wanted to make it easy for him.

Potions. Ask him for help in Potions to spend more time together. That was what was planned from the beginning, before the torrent of emotions.

Sev had waited patiently for her to continue. She did, "I talked to McGonagall about OWLs."

"Oh, sure!" he replied cheerfully. Meanwhile he lightly pulled her shoulder away from him, so that she would sit up and face him. "Have you already decided something?"

He released her and swung his arm toward himself, shoulder to shoulder. 'The good is over,' Lily thought, Sev was looking at her with a smile. What a remedy, at least they were still together under the cloak.

"It occurred to me that I could apply as a Potions teacher."

A shadow flickered across his eyes, quickly concealed.

"I think it's a great idea, it's perfect for you. I'm sure Slughorn will agree, he adores you and can't wait to retire. And in the worst case, you could always work as a potionist or in an apothecary. What qualifications do you need?"

Lily explained what her Head of House had told her.

"Well," he continued when she finished. "I'm sure you won't have a problem, you always get Outstandings in almost everything." And after a brief pause. "Although I'm surprised they don't ask you for Arithmancy."

Arithmancy was an elective Sev had and she didn't. She was never good at math at the Muggle school she attended before entering Hogwarts. He, on the other hand, was great at it.

"Arithmancy for Potions? I believed that it was a method of divination through numbers."

"No, it's much more than that. It's like Muggle math, the basis of many magical sciences. Don't you remember the card collection we started in first grade? That we were getting some famous scientists who we thought were Muggles who were actually witches? All of them were specialists in Arithmancy. And Potions would be Chemistry, or Pharmacy. This is how I modify the amounts of ingredients, and it is used for many other things, such as inventing new spells. I think it should be mandatory."

Lily was amazed, Sev had never told her how he improved recipes. "I thought you did it by intuition…" she told him in amazement.

"And you were right, but it is intuition acquired by the study."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Sev fell silent thinking, as if caught at fault. "I don't know…" he answered at last. "When I advanced enough to be able to apply it, it was already late for you to enroll."

"But you could have told me."

Sev didn't respond to that and looked away from her, but Lily didn't press it, the new information helping her get to the point. "If I had known, I would have studied on my own, and now that we don't sit together I don't know how to improve the recipes like you do. I have to get Outstanding, I want you to help me, Sev."

"I don't think you need my help to get it," still without looking at her, making light of it. "You're good enough, you should trust yourself more. In any case, I'm sure Slughorn would still accept you with an Exceeds Expectations."

'Ugh…' She was going to have to fight him again to get anything from him.

"But I have to be the best to become a teacher! My potions don't turn out as well as they used to."

"And what could I do?" he asked a bit tense.

Lily kept calm and tried to play it down, she had to subtly convince him. "Look," opening her backpack and taking out her notes and her Potions book. "I've been writing down some doubts in the Library about the next lessons." She found the page where the recipe they would prepare in the next class appeared and handed him the open book along with the annotated parchment.

Sev read it carefully with a frown before replying much more calmly and apologetically. "Look, Lily, you overestimate me, I don't know what I have to modify until the preparation is underway. I have already told you that it is about intuition, or as the Muggles say, 'trial and error'. You know very well that sometimes I have to clean everything up and start over."

He was right, although the truth is that this rarely happened to him. He handed her things back, and Lily put them all in her backpack.

"Besides, don't think that they turn out as well for me as before," he continued. "It's you who knows how to prepare the ingredients."

At his praise, Lily felt that he put it on a platter to ask him something that worried her.

"And your new partner? Doesn't she help you?"

"Ugh!" jaded. "Don't talk to me about that, she ran to sit next to me as soon as she saw me alone."

Lily was alarmed, but she didn't let it show.

"You know, 'top of the class'," Sev continued. "Apart from you, of course. She keeps spying on me and asking why I don't follow the recipes exactly. I try to ignore her but she won't leave me alone, she makes me lose concentration."

Lily felt a great relief that she didn't show either. She was on the verge of proposing him that they sit together again, but she thought of the three lions and four snakes and the mess that would arise if they challenged them again. She stopped thinking about her excuse to be with Sev and she racked her brain for a way to help him.

"I have an idea," she said excitedly. "You see my bank from where you are, right?"

"Yes," he admitted, "so what?"

"I'll prepare the ingredients in the corner facing the hallway, so you can see how I do it."

'And by the way, maybe look at me too'.

"You don't have to do it, Lily, your mate can realize."

"Bah! Cecile is very discreet, she goes about her business, she never gets into anything. And I can always give her the excuse that I gave her more space to work."

Sev thought for a while, looking at the floor in concentration, Lily already knew that he would end up accepting.

"Okay," he finally said, facing her. "But in that case, I'll help you too."

'Well, goal achieved,' Lily thought, imagining that he might propose to teach her Arithmancy and they could be together. "Are you going to teach me how to change the recipes?"

"No, that would take a long time."

Which was precisely what she wanted.

"It occurred to me… that I could send you notes with the changes I'm making," Sev continued. "You know, back from the ingredients cabinet."

"But, isn't it very risky?" Lily asked fearfully. "They can see us."

"No, if we're careful," very sure. "I'll see everyone in front of me and I can leave them on the table when no one is looking, or you can put the backpack next to the corridor, open so I can drop them there. Then you just have to wait a reasonable time to remove them."

"But Slughorn will be at your back, you won't be able to keep an eye on him."

"Slughorn?" raising an eyebrow, ironic. "He won't tell us anything, you know we were his perfect match. I saw him look at us disappointed when he saw us separated in the first class."

She hadn't noticed, she had enough that day. It seemed to her like a good solution, but that didn't give her time with him. "And wouldn't it be better if you taught me Arithmancy?" she said begging him with a certain mischief, to which he never resisted.

But Sev bristled a bit. "Leave it already, Lily! Do you intend to learn in weeks what has taken me two years? I already told you to enroll in third grade, you and your damn mania for Muggle math."

Well, well, she'd have to give up on that for now. "Okay... excuse me for insisting. But don't risk it, please do it only when you can."

"You know I know how to take care of myself," he told her smugly, and somewhat jocularly, "Also, don't think they're going to be watching us all the time, they have enough with their goops."

They both laughed, at least they would continue, in some way, accomplices. And she still had the option of DADA. She decided to leave it for another time, another push and pull right now would be forcing the situation.

DADA! How could she be so wildly self-centered? With her preoccupation with achieving her goal, she hadn't even asked Sev about his interview with his Head of House.

"By the way… and your OWLs? You haven't told me anything."

Sev sighed deeply and paused for a long time before beginning, very serious, "Well, I told him what you already know, that I wanted to be a Defense teacher, and he told me that for that I had to prepare myself first as an Auror."

"As an Auror? It is the most demanding profession. Why?"

"Defense Against the Dark Arts, Lily," emphasizing each word, as if explaining it to a little girl. "That's what Aurors do."

"And what qualifications do they ask you for?"

"Outstanding in Charms, Transfiguration and of course, Defense, and Exceeds Expectations in Herbology and Potions. I still don't understand why they don't include Arithmancy."

Sev seemed worried, since he had brought up the subject he had spoken to her without looking at her.

"Well, but you can continue studying it even if it isn't required of you if it seems useful to you."

"Yes, of course, I'll continue with it."

"Then… what is it that worries you? Transfiguration? I could help you." Lily knew it was Sev's worst subject, but she didn't master it either. Neither of both had passed the Exceed Expectations any year.

"It's not necessary Lily, I don't think I have a problem. I've been practicing on my own and I'm already ahead of schedule." Sev was still very serious, with his elbows on his knees, looking at the Lake.

"So, what's the problem?"

He looked down at the ground sighing again, he seemed to struggle. Lily waited a bit but she decided to encourage him. "Come on, tell me, Sev…" very sweetly. "What is happening?"

Sev looked straight ahead again, not looking at her. "It happens that… He didn't tell me clearly, he just hinted at it, something like, 'to be admitted to the Auror Academy it's not enough to take the corresponding NEWT, you must show other aptitudes, rather other attitudes'," remarking the last word. "And then he suggested that I better dedicate myself to Potions."

"Potions, Sev! We would go through the same NEWT," Lily said happily.

But he faced her with a frown and with suppressed anger replied, "But it's not what I want! I've been wanting to train in Defense for years, practicing on my own to overcome the lousy education they give us."

Lily was silent for a few seconds remembering what Sev had told her. Hearing 'Potions' she had missed the rest. "And what do you think Slughorn was referring to? Why did he try to dissuade you?" she asked timidly.

Sev was looking at the ground again. "It's obvious, isn't it? For the same reason that he has never invited me to his damn Club, because of my fame."

Lily felt a wave of fury wash over her. Not only were they being separated by them, but Sev could give up his dream for hanging out with those damn! evil! detestable! snakes.

"I've told you a million times!" she yelled at him angrily. "Leave those… yuck! They are not your friends! They are ruining your life!"

Sev kept cool looking straight ahead. "They are my house, Lily."

"There are many more people in your house! Make new friends! True friends!"

"They respect me."

"I could already see on the train how they respect you," sarcastic. "Many would if you let them! You are a great wizard!"

Lily felt him tense as he struggled not to lose control. She expected him to reply, as he always did when they argued about it, that he needed to defend himself against the Gryffindors. But after a tense minute, controlling himself, he replied in the same cold tone, "I don't want to keep talking about it, we always end up the same, I shouldn't have told you anything. They are my people, my family, I only have them."

Lily felt offended but she did not rebuke him again, although she did tell him in a dignified and firm tone, "You have me, Sev, I know you're not like them."

This time he faced her, with suppressed rage. "Really, Lily? Well, I think you don't know me as well as you say you do."

Lily didn't know what to answer because at first she thought, following the thread of the conversation, that Sev meant that he was like the others, a future Death Eater, but she didn't conceive such a thing.

And then she realized that until three months ago, she hadn't realized what Sev had been feeling for her all those years, that he might be referring to that, and in that case he was absolutely right.

He was looking into the distance again. Just in case, she would answer both. "It is enough for me to know that you are good," she put her hand on his intertwined. "And that I love you, very much."

That's it. She had told him, and she waited for the miracle to happen. But all he did was look down to her hand for a long minute. At last he said, half laughing, "You have dirty nails."

Lily quickly withdrew her hand to look at it. "It is not possible, I have showered this morning."

But he was already getting up laughing openly. She had fallen into the trap. "It's past lunchtime," holding out his hand for her to get up too. "You'll have to go to the kitchens for something."

Wasn't he planning to go with her? And she still hadn't asked him for DADA classes.

"Aren't you coming?"

"I was thinking of taking a walk through the Forest," looking towards the castle gate, through which some students returning from Hogsmeade were already entering. "At this time it is full of fruits. If you want to come…"

By Merlin! Of course!

"The truth is I was thinking of proposing it to you if we had met in the afternoon at the Library," he continued.

"But I should go get warm...Will you wait for me?"

"Are you cold now?"

"No."

"Well, keep my cloak, I'm fine like this, moving we'll get warm."

He picked up his book, and coming out of the shade of the beech tree, he took his wand from his pocket and made a pass over his head. She put the backpack on her shoulder and followed a few steps behind.

"The Impervius, Lily," he reproached her sweetly, without turning around.

She had to stop to get her wand out of her backpack and cast the umbrella spell, and this time she put it in the inside pocket of Sev's cloak.

He stopped to wait for her and when she reached him he said, "I'll take your backpack."

"It is not necessary, it hardly weighs."

"Now who refuses the help?" laughing. "Come on, bring it," taking it off of her. "That way I also put my book into it."

They exchanged it and he deftly fastened the collar of her cloak, as before, so gently, the storm cloud had passed. They walked briskly, around the Lake, toward the Forbidden Forest.