Research

Lily leaned back on the bench thinking about everything Remus had advised her knowing only half-truths, and little by little she stopped worrying, because she was almost sure that Sev knew and wouldn't back down for such a small thing. They would have their chance.

At the moment she could only wait, so she decided to try to study for a while, leaning over the closed book before her. 'Treatise on Magical Vegetables. Fifth year'.

An idea lit her mind, and she got up to go to the Herbology section. She went through the different heights of the long bookshelf reading each title without finding the one she was looking for. She was about to give up and settle for consulting a compendium on the magical flora of Scotland when she noticed, at the end of the lowest shelf, that three thick volumes protruded just slightly from the perfect alignment of the others.

She crouched down, and making sure no one saw her, she pulled out one of them. She could see a book peeking out from behind placed across the bottom of the shelf. She pulled out the other two which were still hiding it with quick glances down the aisle, setting them on the floor.

The hidden book was turned on the backcover so that the title was not visible, but she already knew it was the one she was looking for. So typical of Sev, keeping the information to himself. She reached out her arm to catch it and turned it over. 'Magical Endemisms of the Forbidden Forest of Hogwarts'.

She refrained from starting to consult it right there, crouching at the end of the aisle. She placed the three books in their place and she returned to where her belongings were only to pick them up, because now she would go and sit on the bench in the back, where she always did with him.

She opened it, expectantly, to the first few pages. It had a double index, with the scientific and common names, both organized in sections according to the part of the vegetable that was used, root, stem, leaves, flowers and fruits. Each section contained long lists in alphabetical order.

She decided, resisting her impatience, that she would start in the order Sev had given her to try the plants. She looked up 'Bleeding Heart' in the fruit section of the common index, and when she found the page, there it was, headed by two detailed engravings, one of the whole plant and one of the fruit, identical in appearance to the one she ate, except black over sepia.

She carefully read the information that accompanied the drawings. The complete description of the shape, size and color of the different parts of the vegetable, as well as the taste of the fruit, corresponded exactly to what she had seen and experienced.

It continued with the effects that it produced. She seemed to be hearing the words Sev said as he offered it to her almost verbatim, save for one sentence. 'The depression associated with its continued consumption or in large quantities is similar to the pain produced by a deep unrequited love or by the death of the loved one.'

She remembered what he had told her, "I wouldn't give you something I haven't tried before."

'Sev's bleeding heart…for me,' she sighed in sorrow.

She continued with 'Indifference, Flower of' with the same result faithful to what she knew in terms of characteristics and use, with the addition of, 'It is also used in the preparation of the potion called Killove that destroys all feelings of affection towards the person from which a part of their body is added, the usual thing is to use hair, nails or some fluid.'

'With this one he could have stopped loving me... but he didn't, and he spat it out like me.'

In 'Oblivion, Plant of', from the Leaves section, she did not find anything new. She was not surprised, since information on Dark Magic was very restricted and the non-forbidden books made little reference to it. 'He told me not to touch this one... Never forget each other.'

Only the last one was left, the one that interested her the most, but he hadn't told her what its name was. She looked in the fruit section for 'Union of Souls' and also, 'Souls, Union of', but it did not appear, because surely that was the name of the potion and not the name of the ingredient.

She then went through the entire list of the section looking for some denomination related to its effects. She found 'Lust, Berry of' but just by looking at the engraving she realized that it wasn't that. The same with 'Red Passion', which was not similar either. She began to think that if she didn't find it in the index she would leaf through the pages one by one until she found the image of the plant, which she barely remembered, although she did remember the appearance of the fruit.

But she didn't need to, because soon reached 'Lover's Flavor', she knew it was that one and anxiously turned the pages of the book until she found it. There was the small bush with heart-shaped leaves that she barely glimpsed, and next to it a simple and small black circle.

Unfortunately, there was little information other than what Sev had given her. Surely it was because the knowledge of the use of the berry had been lost. But it did add what she had already checked. 'The flavor of the ripe fruit has the virtue of being identical to that of the loved one, intensifying if the feeling is mutual, but only if it is born of knowledge and acceptance. If it is a mere superficial attraction, it has no taste at all.' And also, 'As an ingredient in the Union of Souls potion, it provides to it the mixed flavor of the two lovers.'

She sank down on the bench, transfixed. It hadn't been a trick, the magic of the berries was authentic and he had told her the truth, keeping the essentials to himself - how not? It was Sev - to observe her reactions.

Of course he knew it, not only because of her gesture smelling his hood, but because the berry had tasted to him... "The same as always, but more intense, they are in season." More intense meant mutual feeling. And she remembered his inviting tone and the long seconds they spent looking at each other holding hands in the dim light.

'By Merlin!' Remus was right, Sev had been waiting for her to launch herself. And not only at that time, but also during their return he had slowed his steps when she asked him about the taste. And it had only occurred to her, aggrieved, to respond with hints.

He could have used the information he had about her to approach her again and he hadn't, he just invited her, he let her choose.

In all the descriptions consulted, it was specified that the plants grew in the so-called 'Passage of Options', but without detailing its location in the Forbidden Forest. Sev must have searched for it for months, the fruits only came in the fall. Maybe years, then. Instead of feeling manipulated, she smiled to herself admiring his cunning and dedication. So much effort spent preparing a ruse in the face of the possibility of verifying one day that she loved him.

He had rightly been angry when she asked him for DADA classes, what a silly excuse! For how long, since he found them, had he been patiently consuming the berries, always hoping the next one would taste stronger? 'The pain of unrequited love,' she recalled, she was flooded with nostalgia for not having fallen in love with him long before, and she deeply regretted not having confessed that her berry tasted like him.

She felt that Remus was right, she didn't deserve him. At least she had the comfort that his heart would no longer be bleeding because he already knew that she loved him. She remembered his triumphant smile and was so glad…

How would she be able to make amends for her mistakes, to live up to him, to deserve all the effort and attention he had devoted to her in silence? She decided, against Remus's opinion, that she too would learn to wait for him, to respect his pace, not to demand anything of him, showing him everything with gestures and looks until a new magical moment happened in which they finally coincided.

The magic had connected them intimately without the need for words. She invoked him wishing that he would appear in the Library, that he would catch her discovering his secret ruse, knowing that in that case, just looking at each other would be enough to tell each other everything.

She no longer felt able to study, and she decided to copy by her own handwriting the reviews of the three magical plants that she had tasted to keep them with her and always have in mind the memory of that afternoon in the Forest.

She also tried to copy the drawings, at least she managed to imitate the forms of leaves, flowers and fruits quite well, and she regretted not having taken a better look at the intricate labyrinth of paths they followed when they returned. She might have been able to get there to get some red berries for both of them.

When she finished she browsed the other two plants that had caught her attention and considered them perhaps interesting for later.

When finished, she returned the book to the exact place where she had found it, previously including a note written on a small piece of parchment on the 'Lover's Flavor' page.

The berry tasted like you. Very intensely. L.

So that Sev would know that she shared his secret if he came back looking for it.

The afternoon had passed, and arriving to the Great Hall she noticed that Remus had already sat down leaving a gap between them, now it was Cecile who sat to her right.

But it didn't help, because Sev didn't show up for dinner.